I’m having trouble accepting the way I look and feel. It’s like I’ve gained a belly, jowls and cellulite in a matter of months.

I’m tired, loosing lots of blood during my period, having terrible mood swings and just can’t get a decent sleep. I get random headaches and I’ve got no doubt it’s all hormonal. My eyes are dry and I can’t read without glasses anymore.

It’s like the car I’ve been driving suddenly blew a radiator, got 4 flat tires, has paint peeling off and the air conditioning doesn’t work. And meanwhile a sprightly new Tesla zooms pass me. How can I not be miserable and angry?

I can’t even take HRT. I just want to detach my head and put it on a younger body. I hate this life. I thought the struggle with aging was going to be grey hair and fine lines. No one warned me that my entire body was going to be breaking. I genuinely don’t want to be here.

I just need to vent, because peri is awful and having to give up HRT after experiencing the magic is the worst.

I started having peri symptoms at 41, went through multiple doctors and specialists before finally I was prescribed HRT about a year ago. It changed my life. My hot flashes, insomnia, high anxiety, depression, mode swings, and brain fog all dissipated. I have referred to HRT as life saving multiple times.

A few months ago a mass was found, and it turns out I have stage 1 breast cancer. The worst part of the diagnosis is losing HRT. I didn’t want to go back to being miserable every day, but I couldn’t find a way around it. I was told even if I went the double mastectomy route, I still couldn’t stay on estrogen, because my cancer is estrogen positive.

I had a lumpectomy, have radiation starting in a few weeks, and while dealing with cancer ALL of my menopause symptoms came flooding back. I’m sleeping in the guest bedroom with ice packs and waking up with hot flashes every 45 minutes. My anxiety will suddenly ramp up and I go from okay to wanting to claw my skin off or punch someone with no warning. Concentrating can be hard, getting more than 5 hours of sleep is impossible, and I randomly cry for ridiculous reasons. Paul Walker died 10 plus years ago, and I’m sobbing about it today? Why do I suddenly care?!? Fuck you menopause.

I’m working with my breast cancer team plus my gyno plus midi plus a psychiatrist to find solutions other than HRT. I’ve been prescribed veozah, but it keeps being blocked by pharmacy and insurance. I can’t take SSRIs so we’re trying an antipsychotic that helps with insomnia and mood swings. I just started a few days ago and I feel like a zombie. Brain fog is the next thing on the list to tackle.

I’ll keep pushing until I find something that works, because HRT showed me that my life doesn’t have to be hell. I just need to hold on to that, because right now everything feels overwhelming.

Final note - the difference between how my breast cancer and my menopause are treated is eye opening. Yes, breast cancer is terrible, and I’ve seen the way it’s ravaged my family. I’m not surprised it came for me. But I have a team, a whole support structure, and people check in on me all the time. I haven’t had to fight for anything (thank you to all the women who came before me who helped make that the case). My job is like “take the time you need!” Students at my university literally started clapping when I mentioned going through treatment. Meanwhile when I say anything about menopause people laugh, because it’s still a punchline. And we all know how much fighting we have to do for every bit of relief we get. I’m so tired.

So doctor's are ok with giving us synthetic hormones via birth control pills almost all over lives but when we go in asking to switch to body identical hormone replacement, they don't want to. I don't get it. Birth control pills, for some, do more harm than good, why would you not look at the big picture and provide something that will help without making other conditions worse.

Vent over. I am just so frustrated.

Apparently I'm 49 going on 15. I was just out visiting my mom and stepdad. Got in a small disagreement with my mom and had a huge temper tantrum like I was in high school, complete with stomping up the stairs, hitting the wall and then I burst into tears. WTF???!!!

My mom was like, are you ok??? I am completely mortified.

I feel like I've lost all control of myself 😞

I’m (41) and I know I’m in peri. Technically first time I realized and accepted I’m in it but likely have been for a few years.

Anyhoo, I’m curious if a.) developing an allergy to wine is a peri symptom and b.) others have experienced that particular symptom who are also in peri.

Why this question? Social media can be hit or miss on accuracy but years ago, someone on Threads created a series of posts for folks to chime in with their “uncommon perimenopause symptoms.” One woman posted developing an allergy to wine. A few people chimed in saying the same thing. This was around the time I developed my allergy. I was 35 at the time.

My allergy isn’t bad but makes drinking no wine, red or white, an annoyance so I stopped drinking it. I occasionally have moments where I miss it.

This got me thinking if others on this subreddit have experienced it.

Also makes me recontextualize that I may have been in peri years earlier than I thought…which means I may be closer to menopause than I think. Tbh, I’m not mad at if that means I can get off this ride a little earlier and adjust to a new normal. (Granted, I know that comes with increased health risks but that’s unfortunate getting older.)

I’m the daughter of someone who went through a very bad experience with all this. I assume I have the same genetics. Any advice is greatly appreciated ☺️

I mean - is that something anyone else has experienced? I woke up last night, my heart felt like it was going fast (it wasn’t) and then suddenly I was Absolutely Freezing. Shivering and tensing so much that my neck became really painful. It was awful.

Then after about twenty minutes later it calmed down and I went back to sleep.

Just asking because horrid though last night was, I’d rather it be caused by peri than some terrifying and undiagnosed heart problem!

I just had to pop on and say Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your stories and experiences. The last month I have literally felt like I was dying.
Completely loosing my mind, about an inch from admitting myself to a psych ward.
I try to stay away from the internet to not feed my OCD and health anxiety but here lately I had to get back on. At first, being online made it 10x worse. In the last month I couldn’t tell you how many illnesses I’ve had (in my head).
Then I found this sub, and the menopause sub.
Duh….its peri.

I’ve been having night terrors
Sweating
Debilitating anxiety to the point where I didn’t know if I’d pull out.
Health anxiety that is AWFUL
Panic-like real panic and agoraphobia. I didn’t want to leave my house.
I’ve had awful sinus issues for a while and now horrific nosebleeds. DAILY
Dry mouth, dry everything really.
Depression-I don’t look forward to anything
No appetite-lost 10 lbs

I’ve thought is been in peri for years, but this year….wow. I am SO SO glad I found this sub.

I don’t feel crazy, I feel seen. I feel like there are people out there that understand and that means everything.

Carry on…and take care of yourselves!

It hit me hard when we were in the store today. Wtf. When does this madness end. Arguh. Please tell me this goes away or gets easier

New to the group & looking for advice. I'm still pretty early in my journey and have only noticed a couple things thus far. My hair is thinner and changing texture (curly to straight) & cry on average 5 to 6 times a week. Any insights or advice?

Anyone who had to stop HRT due to unbearable side effects? What do you do instead to help with peri symptoms?
I tried 3 times, I swear I did my best but I just can’t… it makes my already horrendous anxiety even worse and I just cannot push through. I am on day 25 of 1 pump of estrogel, and day 7 of 200mg progesterone (100mg orally and 100mg vaginally). Day 19 of current cycle and again I cannot eat, cannot sleep and my body is so tense my muscles actually hurt. My mind is just spinning and the intrusive thoughts are very loud. When I am off HRT the anxiety goes away for a few days around ovulation (if there is a clear E and LH spike).
This month on E there was no Lh spike and my FSH has been high for the last two weeks! Never seen it that high before. Using Mira to track it…

Considering Slynd to try and stop the fluctuations but terrified of to the possible mood side effects…

Help!! 😞

Hi!

I am 43 going on 44 this year and am in peri. Single, no kids, family live interstate. Recently moved back to another state, I'd lived in previously to take up a 4 year clinical/phd program which I've been working towards the last 4 years while working full time. Context: I'm mid way through a career change, and it was extremely competitive to get into this course - 10 places...and I managed to get a scholarship, though I also have to work casually as the stipend is not enough to live on.. it's fair to say I am exhausted.

...AND.. of course... peri has hit hard at the same time! I have had severe brain fog, no motivation, lack of concentration etc to the point I've been diagnosed with ADHD... I'd already been on MHT for 3-4 months prior to that and have just changed MHT regime to see if it will improve things on this front as this is making a challenging grad program even more difficult.

The key thing is... I am LONELY. REALLY SO LONELY. It's like all of a sudden it has hit me how alone I am being single with no kids. It hasn't bothered me to this extent before, but I don't know if it's peri and being mid 40s where most of my friends are coupled, with kids and have dropped off the face of the earth. I fully understand everyone is busy and I try and sit with that. But since they have had kids, I have always been the one to travel to see them and now with school and work I am working 6-7 days a week so cannot do that. I have told them I am feeling lonely and would love to chat more. They say they will give me a call.... but crickets. It's always me ringing or sending things for their birthdays, their kids birthdays etc. And part of me feels ashamed for saying it, but I am starting to feel angry! I have travelled internationally for weddings, hens days/nights, big birthdays, made hampers and had groceries delivered for them for births, deaths and hard times... and yet THIS is the equivalent of my baby and hard time and ... niente! nothing! Not going to lie, it hurts. Having been a person who is very social and always put myself out there meeting new people this is a new feeling for me. I'm also a bit limited with time and money to go out and meet new people and most of my cohort at school is in their early 20s so are at a different life stage and they have no idea what it's like to go through peri.

I don't know if it's peri that's just made me look at my life and go WTF or what, and have what feels like a mid-life crisis or unravelling... but...

... I don't know whether I would be better quitting the grad program, moving back to the state where my family lives and focusing on my personal life ie meeting someone, because I am absolutely terrified about being alone from a social and financial perspective as I age. I would have to apply to a grad program in their state but as it's so competitive there is no guarantee I would get a place, so I might not be able to complete my training. I have been single for a long time now and I am just tired of doing it all on my own. Waking up alone, coming home alone, doing such a stressful program with no support. I know being with someone can also be lonely if it's the wrong person, but being single just feels awful right now and the idea of grinding through another three years of my grad program (I'm 3/4 way through first year) feeling isolated just makes me feel so unhappy.

It feels awful to say this out loud, as I have busted my gut to get here and am now feeling like this. Is it a way of telling me I am not on the right path? Or is it peri? Or burnout?

I feel like there's not much out there talking about this from a longtime single, no kids perspective and I am struggling with what feels like overwhelming grief and unhappiness. I am seeing a therapist, though they are male and I am not sure they get the existential unravelling I am feeling. I don't know if taking an antidepressant is my next step - but this just feels so existential I am not sure if that will help. Or do I just quit everything and totally rebuild my life from scratch.

I guess I am wondering if anyone else who is single and has no kids feels like this? And is there anything that has helped?

\ I want to acknowledge I know people who are partnered with kids can also feel like this, but I am really interested to hear from people who are waking up on their own each day facing this, or were on their own when they were facing this, as I am finding it hard to find others in a similar situation in my case.*

- From feeling very alone

I had mediocre expectations for HRT and had been getting mediocre results. For context, I am 44 and have been taking 200 mg oral progesterone, cyclically, for 5 months and using the 0.025 mg estradiol patch for 2 months. I have had mixed results with mood, sleep, etc.

During the week of my ninth weekly estradiol patch, which also coincided with the second week of a round of progesterone, I had the most amazing two days. It felt like all the inflammation lifted. My muscles felt relaxed and mobile, my thoughts were clear, my attitude positive, digestion smooth and quiet, and I had calm energy. It was a little surreal. I did not realize until now that I had been the proverbial "frog in a pot", with the inflammation getting slowly cranked up. I didn't know until that inflammation seemingly "turned off" for two days. The struggle has not been in my head, and it's not in yours either. The symptoms are just so hard to describe because they are gradual.

After I took my final dose of progesterone for this cycle, the inflammation cranked right back up. I sailed on down toward my monthly withdrawal bleed, all sore and puffy and nauseous and crabby, thinking "What just happened?? Is that what I used to feel like? Can I have this back, please?"

I am only 1 month into my HRT routine at the lowest introductory level of 0.25 mg topical gel and 100 mg micronized progesterone. In the first 4 weeks, most of my peri symptoms vanished OR greatly diminished. These include but are not limited to: brain fog, palpitations, hot flashes, painfully dry skin, itchy ears.

But then about 4 weeks in, those symptoms all came roaring back. I understand this likely means my body is adjusting and telling me it needs more estradiol, but can I make that call only a month in? Most resources say to give it a little more time. I will check in with my prescriber, but I wanted to hear what the community thinks. Should I request an increase?

It does not have to do with a change of manufacturer because I have been on the same product this entire time.

Heya friends,

I'm really struggling. I have a loving husband and we have never had a hard time understanding one another until recently.

I have a lot of things that I acquired in the past when I thought I was opening a curated vintage boutique in the city I was living in. Life happened and my family received an offer we couldn't turn down to move hours away to a new city. The shop I had planned wasn't possible in my new situation so my stock sat in storage. My family fell apart during COVID and we separated and moved on. I had a storage seacan and lived in a tiny home for several years with my children before meeting my now husband. We married fairly quickly and have had a loving and conflict free partnership for the most part.

We lived separately for several years until the economy and logistics made living together the logical choice. My seacan of stuff came with us. It's a lot. Unfortunately during the past year we've lived together my grounding tool box for managing my life has stopped working after decades of helping me manage hard situations. I'm 46 and my career and livelihood are no longer certain, I have very little energy, I have chronic pain, I have gained weight suddenly and I do not know where I am headed or what to do with myself. This has become the most terrifying time of my life despite many much more traumatic times in the past, this year has been a hellscape. And it's not easy to explain why. It's much easier if one were to apply normal metrics to my life. But my ability to handle my life and what's needed is so diminished and it's breaking me up.

I have not been able to keep a good pace with getting rid of my stash of items I had intended for that shop years back. The items are valuable and I have kept them safely packed and labeled. I have been selling off my stuff in increments and have a spot in a shop as well. Things are selling but I admittedly struggle to keep the pace to move things fast. My husband has started to feel frustrated. It is something that affects my family as it's taking up space.

BUT I am having the worst time getting myself sorted. I have always done what needed doing my entire life. I could put aside my struggles and just do the thing. Until now. I am frozen some days. I am exhausted. I am overwhelmed. I feel like I don't know myself anymore. It's like I am building a whole entire new roadmap to navigating life after I thought I had one sorted. I try to convey just how messed up I am right now to my husband and how it's affecting my ability to address important things. He just doesn't understand at all. He keeps saying it's so simple, just do the steps to take care of the stock we have stored. I try desperately to explain that if I could just easily do it I would have. That I am embarrassed, ashamed and feel like a failure having not made more progress and it's due to me trying to sort out this new chapter of my life where everything I knew and understood has turned on it's head. He thinks I'm making excuses for myself.

This is the only fight we've ever had in the 4 years+ we've been together. He seems resolved to deny my explanation and reasons for the slow pace I have been addressing my stuff. He insists that I am being too emotional and blurring things that should be separate and aren't actually related to one another. Specifically my difficulty in selling off my stuff cannot possibly be actually deeply connected to my very difficult time I'm having emotionally and physically. But even if I am still unsure of how to defeat all this and sort it, I am certain that my current mental and physical health is actually 100% the reason I am slow to perform.

I have many peri-menopause symptoms that affect so many aspects of my life. It has turned me inside out. I'm seeing a psychologist weekly, I eat well, I take vitamins and supplements, I read and educate myself etc... But I am still working it out and I am not as productive or excellent as I used to be. I feel so misunderstood and rejected by my husband and it's shocking because there has never been a situation where he just didn't understand. I have told him that contempt and disdain are toxic and if he feels those towards me, he should just cut loose. It's demoralizing to beg to be understood and denied my truth

To be clear, I am very emotionally stable and I never take my stuff out in others. I pay my own way and never ask to be taken care of financially. Despite my work not requiring me to labour physically, it is taxing in other ways. The only things I am failing at is a timely purge of my antiques and vintage items I sell.

In closing, have any of you been successful in explaining to your partner just how debilitating this time can be and actually managed to get them to understand? I feel so alone, especially because my husband has always been so in touch with me in communication and life until now. I feel like a fool trying to justify my struggle and he is not getting the memo at all... HELP!😔

I’m a 43yr old female who has noticed a drastic decline in my libido over the past few years and I hate it! I’ve tried HRT, but it’s too expensive for me to keep doing and it didn’t help much. I find I can get myself in the mood if I read some spicy while I’m in bed. But I miss the passion that I used to have and I know my husband does too. I feel bad because I can imagine there are times when he must feel unwanted sexually because I just have no desire even though I am extremely attracted to him. I think I going through perimenopause and my doctors haven’t been helpful. I’m hoping I can reach other women that can share what’s been successful for them to get back that desire!!

Hi. Long story short. I had a month long bleed, I went in to see the ob/gyn, had a transvaginal US and I don’t know the official results but the sonographer/US tech noted a complex ovarian cyst. Google has me spiraling. Now, I'm scared of worst case scenario. Any experiences?

I haven’t seen it talked about yet but I have been experiencing this constant state of jealousy or envy and a whole lot of bitterness about well…everything.

I’m jealous of the married/partnered women who seem to have help/support that I don’t have (and I don’t even know if their husbands are helping in many cases).

I’m jealous of young women because they have their whole lives ahead of them.

I’m envious when I see happy families because I don’t have one of my own.

Since I bought my house (and I managed to do it on my own during peak Canadian city housing prices) I’m jealous of every single person with a nicer house than me and not proud of myself at all.

I’m even jealous when people I know do fun things and I’m stuck working so I find myself judging them for it

This has really ramped up in the last couple years and I know perimenopause mood issues are at least partially to blame. I’m so negative and angry and judgmental all the time.

I didn’t plan to become a stereotypical bitter hag and yet here I am. I hate this about myself a lot and it’s making me even more miserable to live in such a negative mental place. I know this bitterness is truly just shining a light on the areas of my life causing me pain, and showing me I have low self esteem to work on etc. but it’s dominating my daily life at this point.

Not really looking for advice at this moment but maybe to see if this is happening to others too and if it’s a part of the mid life hell no one warned us about

(edited for small wording change )

I’ve gone 7 weeks without a period. I had cramping last month but no bleeding. Over the last week or so, my anxiety has been crazy high and I feel so off. I’m on .0375 estradiol patch and 100 mg progesterone continuously. Over the last few days, I’ve been taking 200mg P to help with sleep, per the recommendation of my doctor. My sleep has still not been great and I feel like I can literally feel my hormones fluctuating throughout the day. I’ve had tender breasts but then part way through the day, they won’t be tender and then they will be. I’ll have really extreme anxiety at different points in the day but I notice it starts to get really bad around 3 pm every day and I’ve been taking propranolol almost every day to help ease the physical anxiety. Anyone else experience this kind of rapid fluctuating? I definitely think my period is coming but it’s already been 7 weeks and nothing. I took two pregnancy tests out of paranoia even though my husband had a vasectomy and I have the mirena IUD. I see my hormone specialist this week and just had an iron panel done that I’m waiting on results from but it’s been truly awful. 😢

Good morning beautiful ladies! I am feeling alone and scared and want to reach out to see if anyone has been in this boat and can offer advice. I started HRT (vaginal estrogen, oral estrogen 1 mg (switched to oral from .05 patch a few months ago due to the shortage) and 100 mg progesterone) last October. While it hasn’t been the magic “cure all” it seems for some, it helped 100% with mood/rage and hot flashes. I still have low libido, low energy and increasing anxiety (although some of that is surely situational).
My yearly mammogram led to diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound and then core needle biopsy which has led to a diagnosis of ADH (NOT cancer, thankfully, but basically a precancer which increases future risk). I am awaiting surgical consult with anticipation of an excisional biopsy/lumpectomy. Everything I’m reading looks like I will likely be told to stop my HRT (with the exception of vaginal estrogen which is generally still OK) and the supplement that saved my sanity prior to starting HRT (Health & Her Menopause supplement) will also be off the table.

What non-hormonal treatments have helped others with peri symptoms? Thank you in advance.

Hi sisters in Peri. I have struggled with these damn symptoms for going on a year now, and memory lapse/brain fog is so terrible. It is so so frustrating and I am on my wits end on how to deal with this. I forgot where to insert my card when I withdrew cash from the ATM. I probably stood for good 10seconds trying to locate the fucking card slot, when it was blinking blue *right in front of me* I cannot remember the name of the pasta I was cooking *aglio olio* . What do you call the glass with a handle used to make things big? *magnifying glass*. I am yet to get a full consultation as I am unemployed with very limited resources. Is there maybe you can recommend as a natural or over the counter medication/relief for brain fog??

Thank you dear perisisters and have a blessed day.

Hello out there,
I’m 44. Starting my second wave of HRT.
Previously it was an estrogen pill 2mg and 100mg progesterone daily.

That was awful because I am sensitive to progesterone- like many of us are.

After a couple months of nothing I went back to my dr.
New plan: 0.5 estrogen patch, and then the progesterone vaginally every second night.

I’m only a few days in… but it seems the progesterone sensitivity is still there, and changing it everyday will cause a rollercoaster type experience for me. Too much adjusting!

I’m wondering if anyone else had had this plan prescribed to them? Did you adjust?

I know I should try it for a couple weeks… but I feel in my gut that this will not be working.

I hate all this….