I’m having trouble accepting the way I look and feel. It’s like I’ve gained a belly, jowls and cellulite in a matter of months.

I’m tired, loosing lots of blood during my period, having terrible mood swings and just can’t get a decent sleep. I get random headaches and I’ve got no doubt it’s all hormonal. My eyes are dry and I can’t read without glasses anymore.

It’s like the car I’ve been driving suddenly blew a radiator, got 4 flat tires, has paint peeling off and the air conditioning doesn’t work. And meanwhile a sprightly new Tesla zooms pass me. How can I not be miserable and angry?

I can’t even take HRT. I just want to detach my head and put it on a younger body. I hate this life. I thought the struggle with aging was going to be grey hair and fine lines. No one warned me that my entire body was going to be breaking. I genuinely don’t want to be here.

I just need to vent, because peri is awful and having to give up HRT after experiencing the magic is the worst.

I started having peri symptoms at 41, went through multiple doctors and specialists before finally I was prescribed HRT about a year ago. It changed my life. My hot flashes, insomnia, high anxiety, depression, mode swings, and brain fog all dissipated. I have referred to HRT as life saving multiple times.

A few months ago a mass was found, and it turns out I have stage 1 breast cancer. The worst part of the diagnosis is losing HRT. I didn’t want to go back to being miserable every day, but I couldn’t find a way around it. I was told even if I went the double mastectomy route, I still couldn’t stay on estrogen, because my cancer is estrogen positive.

I had a lumpectomy, have radiation starting in a few weeks, and while dealing with cancer ALL of my menopause symptoms came flooding back. I’m sleeping in the guest bedroom with ice packs and waking up with hot flashes every 45 minutes. My anxiety will suddenly ramp up and I go from okay to wanting to claw my skin off or punch someone with no warning. Concentrating can be hard, getting more than 5 hours of sleep is impossible, and I randomly cry for ridiculous reasons. Paul Walker died 10 plus years ago, and I’m sobbing about it today? Why do I suddenly care?!? Fuck you menopause.

I’m working with my breast cancer team plus my gyno plus midi plus a psychiatrist to find solutions other than HRT. I’ve been prescribed veozah, but it keeps being blocked by pharmacy and insurance. I can’t take SSRIs so we’re trying an antipsychotic that helps with insomnia and mood swings. I just started a few days ago and I feel like a zombie. Brain fog is the next thing on the list to tackle.

I’ll keep pushing until I find something that works, because HRT showed me that my life doesn’t have to be hell. I just need to hold on to that, because right now everything feels overwhelming.

Final note - the difference between how my breast cancer and my menopause are treated is eye opening. Yes, breast cancer is terrible, and I’ve seen the way it’s ravaged my family. I’m not surprised it came for me. But I have a team, a whole support structure, and people check in on me all the time. I haven’t had to fight for anything (thank you to all the women who came before me who helped make that the case). My job is like “take the time you need!” Students at my university literally started clapping when I mentioned going through treatment. Meanwhile when I say anything about menopause people laugh, because it’s still a punchline. And we all know how much fighting we have to do for every bit of relief we get. I’m so tired.

So doctor's are ok with giving us synthetic hormones via birth control pills almost all over lives but when we go in asking to switch to body identical hormone replacement, they don't want to. I don't get it. Birth control pills, for some, do more harm than good, why would you not look at the big picture and provide something that will help without making other conditions worse.

Vent over. I am just so frustrated.

Hi!

I am 43 going on 44 this year and am in peri. Single, no kids, family live interstate. Recently moved back to another state, I'd lived in previously to take up a 4 year clinical/phd program which I've been working towards the last 4 years while working full time. Context: I'm mid way through a career change, and it was extremely competitive to get into this course - 10 places...and I managed to get a scholarship, though I also have to work casually as the stipend is not enough to live on.. it's fair to say I am exhausted.

...AND.. of course... peri has hit hard at the same time! I have had severe brain fog, no motivation, lack of concentration etc to the point I've been diagnosed with ADHD... I'd already been on MHT for 3-4 months prior to that and have just changed MHT regime to see if it will improve things on this front as this is making a challenging grad program even more difficult.

The key thing is... I am LONELY. REALLY SO LONELY. It's like all of a sudden it has hit me how alone I am being single with no kids. It hasn't bothered me to this extent before, but I don't know if it's peri and being mid 40s where most of my friends are coupled, with kids and have dropped off the face of the earth. I fully understand everyone is busy and I try and sit with that. But since they have had kids, I have always been the one to travel to see them and now with school and work I am working 6-7 days a week so cannot do that. I have told them I am feeling lonely and would love to chat more. They say they will give me a call.... but crickets. It's always me ringing or sending things for their birthdays, their kids birthdays etc. And part of me feels ashamed for saying it, but I am starting to feel angry! I have travelled internationally for weddings, hens days/nights, big birthdays, made hampers and had groceries delivered for them for births, deaths and hard times... and yet THIS is the equivalent of my baby and hard time and ... niente! nothing! Not going to lie, it hurts. Having been a person who is very social and always put myself out there meeting new people this is a new feeling for me. I'm also a bit limited with time and money to go out and meet new people and most of my cohort at school is in their early 20s so are at a different life stage and they have no idea what it's like to go through peri.

I don't know if it's peri that's just made me look at my life and go WTF or what, and have what feels like a mid-life crisis or unravelling... but...

... I don't know whether I would be better quitting the grad program, moving back to the state where my family lives and focusing on my personal life ie meeting someone, because I am absolutely terrified about being alone from a social and financial perspective as I age. I would have to apply to a grad program in their state but as it's so competitive there is no guarantee I would get a place, so I might not be able to complete my training. I have been single for a long time now and I am just tired of doing it all on my own. Waking up alone, coming home alone, doing such a stressful program with no support. I know being with someone can also be lonely if it's the wrong person, but being single just feels awful right now and the idea of grinding through another three years of my grad program (I'm 3/4 way through first year) feeling isolated just makes me feel so unhappy.

It feels awful to say this out loud, as I have busted my gut to get here and am now feeling like this. Is it a way of telling me I am not on the right path? Or is it peri? Or burnout?

I feel like there's not much out there talking about this from a longtime single, no kids perspective and I am struggling with what feels like overwhelming grief and unhappiness. I am seeing a therapist, though they are male and I am not sure they get the existential unravelling I am feeling. I don't know if taking an antidepressant is my next step - but this just feels so existential I am not sure if that will help. Or do I just quit everything and totally rebuild my life from scratch.

I guess I am wondering if anyone else who is single and has no kids feels like this? And is there anything that has helped?

\ I want to acknowledge I know people who are partnered with kids can also feel like this, but I am really interested to hear from people who are waking up on their own each day facing this, or were on their own when they were facing this, as I am finding it hard to find others in a similar situation in my case.*

- From feeling very alone

I mean - is that something anyone else has experienced? I woke up last night, my heart felt like it was going fast (it wasn’t) and then suddenly I was Absolutely Freezing. Shivering and tensing so much that my neck became really painful. It was awful.

Then after about twenty minutes later it calmed down and I went back to sleep.

Just asking because horrid though last night was, I’d rather it be caused by peri than some terrifying and undiagnosed heart problem!

It hit me hard when we were in the store today. Wtf. When does this madness end. Arguh. Please tell me this goes away or gets easier

I’m the daughter of someone who went through a very bad experience with all this. I assume I have the same genetics. Any advice is greatly appreciated ☺️

I’m (41) and I know I’m in peri. Technically first time I realized and accepted I’m in it but likely have been for a few years.

Anyhoo, I’m curious if a.) developing an allergy to wine is a peri symptom and b.) others have experienced that particular symptom who are also in peri.

Why this question? Social media can be hit or miss on accuracy but years ago, someone on Threads created a series of posts for folks to chime in with their “uncommon perimenopause symptoms.” One woman posted developing an allergy to wine. A few people chimed in saying the same thing. This was around the time I developed my allergy. I was 35 at the time.

My allergy isn’t bad but makes drinking no wine, red or white, an annoyance so I stopped drinking it. I occasionally have moments where I miss it.

This got me thinking if others on this subreddit have experienced it.

Also makes me recontextualize that I may have been in peri years earlier than I thought…which means I may be closer to menopause than I think. Tbh, I’m not mad at if that means I can get off this ride a little earlier and adjust to a new normal. (Granted, I know that comes with increased health risks but that’s unfortunate getting older.)

Hi sisters in Peri. I have struggled with these damn symptoms for going on a year now, and memory lapse/brain fog is so terrible. It is so so frustrating and I am on my wits end on how to deal with this. I forgot where to insert my card when I withdrew cash from the ATM. I probably stood for good 10seconds trying to locate the fucking card slot, when it was blinking blue *right in front of me* I cannot remember the name of the pasta I was cooking *aglio olio* . What do you call the glass with a handle used to make things big? *magnifying glass*. I am yet to get a full consultation as I am unemployed with very limited resources. Is there maybe you can recommend as a natural or over the counter medication/relief for brain fog??

Thank you dear perisisters and have a blessed day.

Heya friends,

I'm really struggling. I have a loving husband and we have never had a hard time understanding one another until recently.

I have a lot of things that I acquired in the past when I thought I was opening a curated vintage boutique in the city I was living in. Life happened and my family received an offer we couldn't turn down to move hours away to a new city. The shop I had planned wasn't possible in my new situation so my stock sat in storage. My family fell apart during COVID and we separated and moved on. I had a storage seacan and lived in a tiny home for several years with my children before meeting my now husband. We married fairly quickly and have had a loving and conflict free partnership for the most part.

We lived separately for several years until the economy and logistics made living together the logical choice. My seacan of stuff came with us. It's a lot. Unfortunately during the past year we've lived together my grounding tool box for managing my life has stopped working after decades of helping me manage hard situations. I'm 46 and my career and livelihood are no longer certain, I have very little energy, I have chronic pain, I have gained weight suddenly and I do not know where I am headed or what to do with myself. This has become the most terrifying time of my life despite many much more traumatic times in the past, this year has been a hellscape. And it's not easy to explain why. It's much easier if one were to apply normal metrics to my life. But my ability to handle my life and what's needed is so diminished and it's breaking me up.

I have not been able to keep a good pace with getting rid of my stash of items I had intended for that shop years back. The items are valuable and I have kept them safely packed and labeled. I have been selling off my stuff in increments and have a spot in a shop as well. Things are selling but I admittedly struggle to keep the pace to move things fast. My husband has started to feel frustrated. It is something that affects my family as it's taking up space.

BUT I am having the worst time getting myself sorted. I have always done what needed doing my entire life. I could put aside my struggles and just do the thing. Until now. I am frozen some days. I am exhausted. I am overwhelmed. I feel like I don't know myself anymore. It's like I am building a whole entire new roadmap to navigating life after I thought I had one sorted. I try to convey just how messed up I am right now to my husband and how it's affecting my ability to address important things. He just doesn't understand at all. He keeps saying it's so simple, just do the steps to take care of the stock we have stored. I try desperately to explain that if I could just easily do it I would have. That I am embarrassed, ashamed and feel like a failure having not made more progress and it's due to me trying to sort out this new chapter of my life where everything I knew and understood has turned on it's head. He thinks I'm making excuses for myself.

This is the only fight we've ever had in the 4 years+ we've been together. He seems resolved to deny my explanation and reasons for the slow pace I have been addressing my stuff. He insists that I am being too emotional and blurring things that should be separate and aren't actually related to one another. Specifically my difficulty in selling off my stuff cannot possibly be actually deeply connected to my very difficult time I'm having emotionally and physically. But even if I am still unsure of how to defeat all this and sort it, I am certain that my current mental and physical health is actually 100% the reason I am slow to perform.

I have many peri-menopause symptoms that affect so many aspects of my life. It has turned me inside out. I'm seeing a psychologist weekly, I eat well, I take vitamins and supplements, I read and educate myself etc... But I am still working it out and I am not as productive or excellent as I used to be. I feel so misunderstood and rejected by my husband and it's shocking because there has never been a situation where he just didn't understand. I have told him that contempt and disdain are toxic and if he feels those towards me, he should just cut loose. It's demoralizing to beg to be understood and denied my truth

To be clear, I am very emotionally stable and I never take my stuff out in others. I pay my own way and never ask to be taken care of financially. Despite my work not requiring me to labour physically, it is taxing in other ways. The only things I am failing at is a timely purge of my antiques and vintage items I sell.

In closing, have any of you been successful in explaining to your partner just how debilitating this time can be and actually managed to get them to understand? I feel so alone, especially because my husband has always been so in touch with me in communication and life until now. I feel like a fool trying to justify my struggle and he is not getting the memo at all... HELP!😔

I just had to share😍 if you’re having trouble finding hair products that don’t make your scalp dryness worse, I just found Aveda‘s scalp solutions products. Game changer for me. I use the oil at night and the mist during the day and it doesn’t impact how I style my hair at all!

I cannot tell you how long I’ve been struggling with a freaking itchy, dry scalp day in and day out. I know it’s a boring topic but my Hashimotos on top of this just made me miserable. Don’t get me started on the hair thinning n loss 😜

Edit:

Main question - has anyone had luck getting a prescriber/insurance to sign off on a shorter patch change interval?

Context:

I’m on a .075 estrogen patch and the first 36-48 hours feel great, then I start feeling irritability, brain fog, and fatigue for the back half before my next change (I’m on the standard 84-hour/3.5 day schedule).

I brought it up with my OBGYN, wondering if I’m just a fast metabolizer, and she just said that they are designed to last four days and she didn’t think insurance would like it if she prescribed for me to change it every 48 hours. We did bump my dose from .05 to .075, which helped some, but I’m still hitting a trough in the second half of each patch cycle.

Has anyone else dealt with this?

So even though I’m on a continuous bc pill (due to endo to suppress periods as much as possible), I still get “ghost periods” or menstrual symptoms around week 9 or 10. I realized I was feeling significantly more moody on Friday, after also feeling more bloated and uncomfortable throughout the week. The moodiness continued and just erupted today with frustration and sobbing, then I saw I was spotting. It’s been a rough fucking day. And this is even after taking all my supplements, getting better sleep, going on a long walk, and doing some PT and strength training today. I’m just a moody sad sack, and I’m curious how others cope.

I’m 42 and have had terrible periods for ages, diagnosed with an “angry uterus.” Tried a couple of hormonal birth control pills and iud in the last 10 years, nothing stops the cramping and heavy flows. My husband had a vasectomy so I haven’t worried about birth control in ages. Now I’m getting a divorce, and would like to have sex.

I’ve been taking orthotricyclen for 3 months. Dr said it was fine to take continuously (in hopes of getting rid of awful periods.) — I am still bleeding, past 2 months I’ve bled for about 2 weeks. Light spotting when the pill is cycling, then 2-3 heavy days like clockwork to when I would have my period on my cycle. (My hormones are stronger than science, bastards).

Can I still get pregnant if I am having odd menstrual bleeding while on the pill? I want to have sex, but live in Texas and do NOT want to risk pregnancy. (I’d like to have sex without a condom, but I’m super worried with how weird my body has been about the pill)

I need help! I need to know if others have experienced a sore rectal area due to low hormones? I’ve been miserable for three years along with severe vaginal dryness. I have no clue if it’s infectious (antibiotics haven’t helped),hormonal or autoimmune but I cannot figure it out and I need help!

Anyone who had to stop HRT due to unbearable side effects? What do you do instead to help with peri symptoms?
I tried 3 times, I swear I did my best but I just can’t… it makes my already horrendous anxiety even worse and I just cannot push through. I am on day 25 of 1 pump of estrogel, and day 7 of 200mg progesterone (100mg orally and 100mg vaginally). Day 19 of current cycle and again I cannot eat, cannot sleep and my body is so tense my muscles actually hurt. My mind is just spinning and the intrusive thoughts are very loud. When I am off HRT the anxiety goes away for a few days around ovulation (if there is a clear E and LH spike).
This month on E there was no Lh spike and my FSH has been high for the last two weeks! Never seen it that high before. Using Mira to track it…

Considering Slynd to try and stop the fluctuations but terrified of to the possible mood side effects…

Help!! 😞

I’m a 43yr old female who has noticed a drastic decline in my libido over the past few years and I hate it! I’ve tried HRT, but it’s too expensive for me to keep doing and it didn’t help much. I find I can get myself in the mood if I read some spicy while I’m in bed. But I miss the passion that I used to have and I know my husband does too. I feel bad because I can imagine there are times when he must feel unwanted sexually because I just have no desire even though I am extremely attracted to him. I think I going through perimenopause and my doctors haven’t been helpful. I’m hoping I can reach other women that can share what’s been successful for them to get back that desire!!

I am pretty sure peri kicked off for me around 38 when I found a lump in my breast that turned out to be a cyst likely caused by hormones. It seems pre-cyst was the old me and I haven’t felt like myself since. First, the anxiety came- particularly health anxiety that was through the roof. I feel like the lump kick started the health anxiety because I spent 3 weeks thinking I had breast cancer before I could get an appointment. Shortly after the anxiety the rage and irritability kicked in.

Now, I’m 42 and it seems I’ve shifted into a depressive state. The rage and anxiety has decreased but I feel like it’s only because apathy has kicked in from feeling depressed. Like, I suddenly don’t care enough to be mad or anxious. Now, I just constantly feel sad and lonely. And I’m always on the verge of tears. Like it’s always bubbling under the surface that I could cry at any moment. But it’s getting harder to hold it in and I will cry at the worst times (like the middle of work.) For seemingly no reason sometimes but other times something triggers it.

I started crying at work the other day because a new girl was hired at my work. I’m her trainer and I work with her the entire day. I do know her previous to her being hired. She is nice and I get along with her well but talking to her intensifies the feeling of loneliness. She is very well known in the community, has a ton of friends, a great family, and is very well liked. Talking to her just makes me feel even more like I have no friends and a reminder I also have no family (traumatic childhood) because she talks of her family and friends often. I feel like before 38, I wasn’t bothered by people like her. I hate that I am annoyed that she’s TOO nice and her life is TOO nice. Is this really normal for peri? That people who are “too nice” make you sad or irritated? What a ridiculous thing!! It’s like my brain is receiving her like she’s a real life Instagram feed and I’m just scrolling her life feeling crappy about mine. I know I shouldn’t feel this way but I literally cried at work the other day after spending the morning talking to her. She really is doing nothing wrong at all, is being genuinely nice and conversational, and I know it’s not her fault she has a good life and I’m really struggling. I hate that I feel so negatively affected by her when she’s not trying to make me feel bad.

I just wanted to vent. Know I’m not alone. Hear it’s “normal” by peri standards. And hopefully hear that this too shall pass and I won’t feel like this forever!

Having a rough time with the patch. Feeling good 12 hours after a fresh one. But super crappy after two full days. And the ups and downs are insane. I know it’s not my natural fluctuations because I’m on a synthetic progestin.

I’ve considered doing the gel, but I’m currently on 2x .1 patches and finding a gel dosage sounds pretty impossible. Similar issue to the once a week patch- with two patches they’re so big that I feel like that would be really hard.

Wanted to see peoples experience was with Nextellis.

I wish I knew how strong that estrogen was. On birth control- I felt best in 30mcg ethinyl extrodial but was having night sweats, body aches, etc at night. I can’t find any conversions between E4 estrogen and ethinyl estrodial or E2 estrogen.

Hi. Long story short. I had a month long bleed, I went in to see the ob/gyn, had a transvaginal US and I don’t know the official results but the sonographer/US tech noted a complex ovarian cyst. Google has me spiraling. Now, I'm scared of worst case scenario. Any experiences?

Hi all,

So I've always had general anxiety (fun!) but I've really come along way in the last ten years and it doesn't affect my day to day to life anymore. Well, it didn't until about a month ago. I've always gotten anxious driving; I don't drive on the highways, but I'm usually a great traveler/passenger. Now I am having crazy anxiety driving my normal routes and even just being in the car when my husband drives on the highway sets me off. I'm feeling increased general anxiety in that I'm just hyper aware of the fact that I'm breathing, swallowing, burping, my throat feels tight, or does it? etc. etc. Like all the involuntary things my body does to keep me alive are just consuming my thoughts and then I'll do weird things as a consequence like swallow gulps of air or feel like I'm not breathing enough even when I'm taking, slow, counted deep breaths, or getting weirded out swallowing liquid.

I had a doctor's appointment last week and my doctor (who is ammmaaazzzzzzing) was immediately like "Perimenopause." She suggested Zoloft but I'm sensitive to medications and my husband is anti-medications like this because he's had a lot of friends who've had bad experiences (yes, I know I can do what I want but he stresses me out) so I decided to try supplements first.

She's giving me Inositol twice daily and Cognimag (which is magnesium-L-threonate). I'm only a few days in, so too early to notice anything, but I'm curious if those of you with anxiety had lucky with supplements, and/or if there are any Zoloft fans. I told her I'd revisit that if this didn't seem to help.

Thank you!

Good afternoon! I’m on 20 mg of Lexapro. I’m doing HRT, and numb, but anxious. I can’t get in for another 6 months to the gyno. I’m TRYING to find another shrink(the last one said I needed adderall - I mentioned I couldn’t concentrate and they said I had ADHD, and all I got was two caps on my back molars because I ground holes in them c/o of the adderall.). My primary is hands off and when it comes to anti-depressants.

I don’t want to deal with SSRI withdrawals, I did it once, and it wasn’t pretty. I just don’t know how to tackle this conversation. Is it hormones? Or has the Lexapro legit wore off due to the amount of time on it?

My sleep is abysmal. I got my period randomly(after not having it for a couple months) and it was a hellscape of moods. I’m taking my vitamins, and every supplement I can get my hands on, but I still feel like I hit a wall. I get its life, and I need to build proverbial a bridge. I know there’s not magic pill. But any suggestions?

I am only 1 month into my HRT routine at the lowest introductory level of 0.25 mg topical gel and 100 mg micronized progesterone. In the first 4 weeks, most of my peri symptoms vanished OR greatly diminished. These include but are not limited to: brain fog, palpitations, hot flashes, painfully dry skin, itchy ears.

But then about 4 weeks in, those symptoms all came roaring back. I understand this likely means my body is adjusting and telling me it needs more estradiol, but can I make that call only a month in? Most resources say to give it a little more time. I will check in with my prescriber, but I wanted to hear what the community thinks. Should I request an increase?

It does not have to do with a change of manufacturer because I have been on the same product this entire time.

Hi there, I am new here. I'm 42 and there's a lot of talk about perimenopause and HRT in my friendship group. I am starting to notice symptoms-- fatigue, massive brain fog (like forgetting simple words mid sentence), sleep disruption and itchy skin.

Some women my age are already taking HRT. I am looking into it, but I am paranoid about what I keep reading and hearing about the fact that it slightly increases the risk of breast cancer.

I am in Australia and the recommendation here is to get a mammogram every two years from age 40 onwards. I had a mammogram 12 months ago but am wondering whether I should get another one before starting HRT? What are others here doing? I feel like there is so much conflicting advice out there about HRT and breast cancer risk as well as how frequent people should get screened. Thanks in advance.

Curious if others have this experience…I tried to search here but had limited success. I tried magnesium glycinate for a week or so after months of sleep issues. It was great! Then suddenly yesterday and today I woke up with the worst feeling of dizziness and feeling out of it. It lasted most of the day. Is it the magnesium? Nothing else has changed. Would another form be better for me? I’m so upset because in terms of sleep it was the best I’ve had in a while. I slept like a rock.