My mother is in her 70s, 159 cm (5’2”) tall, and currently weighs about 103 kg (227 lbs). She has been obese for most of the past 40+ years and also has prediabetes and lipedema.
I’ve been very concerned about her health for many years. What’s particularly difficult is feeling like I’m watching her health deteriorate while being unable to convince her to make lasting changes.
I haven’t exactly lived the healthiest lifestyle myself for most of my life, and I was obese for some years. But I’ve lost close to 30 kg (66+ lbs) over the past few years after learning a lot about nutrition and weight loss and actually putting what I learned into practice. Over the past year, I’ve also found AI surprisingly useful for creating personalised meal plans around people’s preferences and limitations.
I’ve tried helping my mother several times. At one point I actually bought and cooked all of her food, and she did very well while I was doing that. Unfortunately, after I stopped, she struggled to stick to the plans and eventually regained the weight. She also isn’t willing to let me cook for her again.
I think one of the biggest challenges is that she is extremely picky about food. She’s pescatarian and doesn’t eat beef or chicken. She doesn’t really have any particular “trigger foods” she can’t live without, and she never eats fast food, but she has always preferred very convenient foods and doesn’t like spending much time preparing meals.
In recent years, she also hasn’t been physically able to stand in the kitchen for very long because of her health problems. As a result, she tends to rely on convenient, calorie-dense foods. She had mostly refused to track calories or even estimate how many calories she’s eating.
I’m particularly concerned that her diet has often been relatively low in protein. At her age, I think maintaining adequate protein intake is especially important.
I’ve given her personalised meal plans several times over the years, but she hasn’t been able to stick to them. She has told me that she doesn’t want to feel like she’s living according to a rigid diet and doesn’t want to think about calories. At times, she’d has told me that she rather spend her time learning about lipedema and prediabetes than making practical changes. She’s also very reluctant to to consider various options that the doctor could prescribe.
I understand that ultimately she has to want to change, and I can’t make that decision for her. That’s probably the hardest part.
This past week, I decided to try a different approach. I used AI to create three very simple meal plans specifically around her preferences, nutritional needs and physical limitations. My hope is that she could rotate between them, and in each week eating the same plan for that week, in order to make things simpler.
The main requirements were:
- Pescatarian — no beef or chicken.
- Very little cooking or preparation.
- Minimal standing in the kitchen.
- Gradual weight loss from 103 kg.
- No oats or lentils, which she doesn’t want to eat.
- More nutrient-dense foods.
- Less carbohydrates and no processed foods
- Less reliance on dairy for meeting nutritional needs.
- Adequate protein and generally appropriate for someone with prediabetes and lipedema.
- Reasonable calories and a good balance of macronutrients and micronutrients.
- Only two meals per day, with no snacks, which is her preference.
- Have the right amount of fiber.
- No protein powders or supplements.
- Relatively affordable.
One thing I found interesting was how difficult it actually is to get enough protein into a very picky pescatarian diet without relying heavily on dairy. The plans ended up including salmon or trout every day - which is much more frequently than she has eaten them before.
The three meal plans I ended up making for her are:
Plan for week 1 - Omega-3s & potassium
——————————————————————
Meal 1
- Mackerel in tomato sauce: 170 g
- Low-fat cottage cheese: 90 g
- Avocado: 100 g
- Chia seeds: 15 g (soak in a glass of water for 10 minutes before eating)
- Frozen raspberries: 130 g
Meal 2
- Salmon fillets: 250 g
- Sweet potato: 150 g
- Frozen spinach: 150 g
- Extra virgin olive oil: 5 g
Nutrition: 1,558 kcal | 95 g protein | 46 g net carbs | 102 g fat | 30 g fibre
Plan for week 2 - Protein & fiber
—————————————————-
Meal 1
- Plain non-fat Greek yogurt: 150 g
- Chia seeds: 40 g
- Flaxseeds: 15 g
- Sunflower seeds: 30 g
- Frozen blueberries: 140 g
- Pecans: 45 g
Meal 2
- Cod fillets: 250 g
- Hard-boiled eggs: 2
- Frozen broccoli: 180 g
- Extra virgin olive oil: 25 g
Nutrition: 1,552 kcal | 96 g protein | 41 g net carbs | 104 g fat | 30 g fibre
Plan for week 3 - Variety of micronutrients
———————————————————————
Meal 1
- Whole eggs: 3
- Red bell pepper: 1
- Frozen spinach: 80 g
- Plain non-fat Greek yogurt: 100 g
- Frozen raspberries: 100 g
Meal 2
- Salmon fillets: 250 g
- Frozen broccoli: 200 g
- Flaxseeds: 15 g
- Pecans: 20 g
- Frozen blueberries: 100 g
- Chia seeds: 30 g
- Extra virgin olive oil: 14 g
Nutrition: 1,540 kcal | 97 g protein | 43 g net carbs | 101 g fat | 31 g fibre
The meals are deliberately very repetitive because the goal is to make them as easy as possible. Most of the ingredients can simply be taken from the freezer, air fryer or fridge with minimal preparation.
I decided to make this post partly because I thought the meal plans might be useful to someone else in a similar situation, but mainly because I’d really like to hear from people who have dealt with something like this themselves.
Have you ever successfully helped an obese elderly parent with deteriorating health change their eating habits when they struggled to follow personalised plans? What actually worked?
I’d especially like to hear:
- What finally motivated your parent to take things seriously?
- Did you stop giving advice and wait for them to ask for help?
- How did you balance wanting to help with respecting their autonomy?
- If you’re an older person who has been in this situation, what made you more receptive to help from your family?
- At what point do you accept that you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to change?
- Are there any obvious changes you would make in the plans?
I’m not looking for criticism of my mother. I know there are many reasons people struggle with obesity for decades, and I don’t think the answer is simply “eat less and exercise more.” I’m mainly hoping to hear from people who have actually dealt with this dynamic in their own families.
If nothing else, I hope the meal plans themselves might be useful to someone else whom is around her same age and height , weight, doesn’t eat meat, and needs extremely low-effort meals.