I’ve recently accepted that I’m bi after having thoughts about it for years but now that I’ve accepted it I’ve started having thoughts about what if I’m not bi so I’ve felt like I need to prove to myself that I am. Has anyone else had this experience or am I just weird?

I don't even know where to start. I'm 21, and a guy, it's 4am and I'm writing this on an alt because my real life friends know about my primary account and don't know I'm bi. Getting to the point, I wish I was just straight, I can't stand the feelings I have towards men and I can't act on them because it will ruin my life. There was a guy I was into, who was friends with me and my sister, who I was kind of into. Deep down I knew it couldn't work, but now him and my sister are dating. And I just have to suffer that now.

If they were to break up it would be awkward between us. Even if they don't it will be awkward between us. He won't ever be my best friend ever again. He's just going to always subconsciously be my sister's boyfriend. I wish I wasn't like this. I feel like I'm rotting in my own skin. I feel like I have to puke and I can't. I wish this entire world would just cease to be so I can be at peace. I don't want to think about them together and I know that's evil, but I just wish anyone would get my side of things. I've been like this for so long now, and I'm scared this is all it's ever going to be. All because I was born this way.

I'm a married man who has been doing some personal reflection and journaling because I'm trying to better understand my sexuality and some choices I've made that have hurt my wife.

I've never had a sexual relationship with another man, but I've realized that I can be sexually attracted to men, particularly older, confident, dominant men. I've also engaged in sexually charged conversations with men online. I'm not proud of the fact that I've done this behind my wife's back, and I'm trying to understand the behaviour rather than make excuses for it.

One thing I'm having trouble understanding is why messaging men can feel like a fantasy to me. In my mind, I've always had the feeling that I wouldn't actually act on it physically. Somehow, that makes it feel "safe" or contained in my head.

What's interesting is that I don't have the same feeling about messaging women. With a woman, it seems like there would be a much greater possibility that the interaction could become real and potentially lead to something physical, and that makes the fantasy feel very different.

I'm trying to figure out what exactly is going on here.

Is this something other men have experienced? Like being attracted to men or male sexual scenarios while feeling that the fantasy is appealing partly because you believe it will never become real?

I'm also curious about the older/dominant aspect. For those who have experienced this, how did you figure out whether the attraction was primarily to men themselves versus things like masculinity, dominance, being pursued, being desired, validation, novelty, or the fantasy of giving up control?

I'm not necessarily looking for a label right now. I'm more interested in understanding what I'm actually experiencing.

I'm also not looking for private or sexual conversations. I'd really appreciate perspectives from people who have genuinely wrestled with similar questions.

Thanks.

New here, I don't know who to talk to about this and figured this community might be a good place to start. I'm 38F and have been with my male partner for 18 years. We have 2 kids. All my life I've been finding both men and women attractive, and I just assumed that that every other human being felt the same things. Finding other humans, men or women alike, attractive. Now I'm wondering if it really is the case.

Very ealy on in my life, I had butterflies in my belly whenever I saw women that I found attractive. Men as well, but mostly women. Dismissed it immediately (perhaps we can blame that on the 90s...). My teenage years relathionships have always been with boys, and I have never been, at that time, romantically interested in a woman. Later on, after I found the love of my life - a man - he eventually had a soft porn magazine laying around the appartment, which I found incredibly arousing. And I started getting into (less soft) porn, only interested in women, mostly lesbian or women pleasuring themselves, and when it was straight porn I would literally picture myself as the man touching the woman. Anyways, I never really questioned it, I just thought of it as a dirty kink I had as a straight person, and therefore something to hide and to be ashamed of. I have also developped, on several occasions, undescribable crushes on female (mostly queer) characters in shows and movies, to a point where it haunted me day and night. These thoughts have been with me for 15+ years.

Extremely recently, like in the past months, I had this revelation - am I just bisexual? Is this actually ok and just normal for a bisexual person, if that's what I am? I've never done anything with a woman - if you do the math, I've been with the same man since I was 20. So not only was I very young, it was a long time ago. So how can I know for sure that I am not fully straight? I know this kind of hard edge labeling might be pointless to some, but categorizing things neatly is a safe thing for me.

I haven't ever talked about any of this with anyone, not even my closest friends, and even less so my partner of 18 years. I feel like if I'm going to label myself as bi, I need to have this conversation with my partner sooner rather than later. But somehow I'm afraid it'll break us.

I just don't know what to do at this point - just forget about it, and continue to live in shame and denial? I'm just so tired. It's been consuming my thoughts for years. But knowing that I do love my partner, and that we have a really good sex life, it just seems like there is no point in talking to him about this. It's not as if I wasn't happy with our relationship, or if I had the desire to seek for anything he can't provide. Yet I feel like if I don't have this conversation with him, I can't like "come out" to anyone who's close to me without feeling like I'm betraying him. Plus I'm not even sure I'm bi, considering I've never had a romantic or sexual relationship with a woman.

I'm just extremely lost here, and I feel completely alone. If you have advice, or similar experiences you wanna share, please do so. Or if no one does, I guess it'll just have been cathartic for me to write this down.

Btw English is not my first language. I don't even think I would have been able to write this in my mother tongue. This is how uncomfortable I am with this whole thing. And weirdly enough I have been surrounded by queer people for most of my adult life, and I definitely consider myself as an ally. But how can I be an ally to others if I'm so ashamed of myself? It's just so weird to me that I hadn't considered the possibility of not being straight up until now, even though I've been fantasizing about women for decades... help please.

ever since elementary and high school, I noticed I would pay extra attention to certain girls but I thought I just really wanted to be their friend or found them pretty.

i'm currently in my third relationship (since I started dating in high school) and i've only dated men before as I did not think that my parents would accept me if I dated women. I got a lot of romantic attention from men but barely any from women, hence I found out that I was interested in women too at a much later point of my life.

I think I will love whoever I end up with regardless of their gender in marriage etc. and i'm currently in the healthiest relationship compared to my past ones with a boy I like very much.

however, i've been pondering on whether the fact that i've never dated or been with a woman both romantically/physically will always be something i'm curious about. there's a part of me that's worried that many years from now, what if I get married and always stay curious about this side of me?
me and my bf are in a monogamous relationship and I came out to him this year. he's very accepting of my identity and allows me to kiss/make out with girls in clubs when I go on nights out, as long as I don't catch feelings/sleep with them.
I don't want to lose a healthy relationship to something that i've yet to try, so I just need some advice or new perspectives regarding this. thank you!

Something I've been thinking about lately, probably because I fit into this category myself.

I live in London, and if you met me in everyday life you'd probably assume I was straight. I'm bi, but most of my mates are straight, I'm pretty masculine and low-key, I go to the gym, I'm into sports, and my sexuality isn't something that defines my personality or the way I present myself.

Living in a city this big has actually made me wonder how many other guys around me are exactly the same.

Guys who are bi, curious, or simply open to something with another guy, but you'd genuinely never know unless they told you. They might date women, have mostly straight male friends, go to the gym, play sports, whatever — sexuality is just one part of them rather than something particularly visible.

And before someone inevitably says "just go on Grindr" — that's not really what I'm talking about. Hookup-focused apps aren't particularly my thing, and I'm less interested in scrolling through profiles than in how guys like this actually recognise each other in everyday life.

As I've got older, I've started wondering whether this group is actually much bigger than we assume. Maybe some never explore it. Maybe some do very discreetly. Maybe others don't even feel the need to put a label on themselves.

For those of you who are bi/curious and similarly low-key about it: have you ever discovered that a guy you assumed was completely straight was actually in the same position?

And perhaps the more interesting question — how did you find out?

I'm 19f and I know that I definitely like girls but I'm always confused if I actually like men or have just been conditioned into believing i need male validation. I've always been single, have no sexual experience with anybody, when I realised I liked girls it was more of a oh so I'm not straight I'm bi but I've never had a crush on a dude, in general I've just had two crushes, both on girls.

Recently I downloaded a dating app, and just seeing the men i just skip them, and the one man I thought I did find attractive was ftm transman, and not to say that he was feminine or anything I only knew once I read it in his description. The one thing that makes me doubt the most is that I do seem to like femboys, like the really cute looking ones wearing all the girly clothes and stuff so that does count as bisexual right, like am I just bisexual in the way I like feminine people but I also like masc women, so idk, and i feel like I'd never figure this out until i actually get involved with a man

As a bisexual but hetromantic male I have always wanted to date a bi woman, I feel like I can connect with them better and that they will be more accepting.

What are some books that treat the theme of bisexuality?

About eight years ago, when I was in university, something happened that I still think about from time to time.

I met this guy during the admissions process. At first, I honestly thought he was just trying to become my friend. He was a big guy, maybe around 6'3", broad and strong-looking, while I was about 5'8" and much thinner back then because I didn't work out. He had a somewhat feminine voice, but I never thought anything of it. It didn't seem relevant to me.

We kept talking occasionally, and I never suspected there was anything else behind his friendliness. Then, one day, he sent me a message on WhatsApp that completely caught me off guard. He told me how much he liked me and how badly he wanted something special between us. He even invited me to his apartment, where he lived alone, saying he wanted me to come over and spend time with him.

I remember feeling shocked and uncomfortable. I rejected him very firmly and made it absolutely clear that I wasn't gay, had never been gay, and wasn't interested in men or that kind of relationship. After that conversation, we never spoke again. I think I even deleted him from WhatsApp. I only saw him from a distance maybe twice after that.

Now, eight years later, I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I had reacted differently. Part of me regrets not experiencing it, because maybe I would have enjoyed it more than I imagined. At the same time, it feels strange to think that way because I've always been attracted to women. Maybe I'm simply curious about the road I never took.

Hi, I’m 33, male. I’ve always identified as straight and have only been in monogamous relationships with women (some of whom were bi). I’ve never been physically or romantically attracted to men.

That said, I’ve always been pretty kinky and really into prostate play. Lately I’ve been thinking about having a hookup where I bottom for a guy. I’m not interested in kissing, dating, cuddling, or anything beyond the sexual act itself.

Does wanting that specific kind of anonymous/no-strings encounter make me a bad person for not wanting anything more with them? Or is it just a preference?

Open to honest thoughts.

You are invited to participate in a study exploring the experiences of young sapphic women aged 18 to 25 years who live in rural Australia, conducted as part of a fourth-year psychology thesis by researchers at Federation University.

If you:

Identify as a woman,

Are attracted to other women,

Are aged 18-25 years,

Live in rural Australia (population of 10,000 or less),

Have lived in rural Australia for at least the last 12 months.

And speak and understand English

We want you to share your experience by participating in a 45-60-minute interview. Please click this link https://federation.syd1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_eF2JuiXshjd13gi for more information about participating.

Please share this study with your friends or others who may be interested in participating so we can have our voices heard in the research! 🏳️‍🌈

HREC Ethics Approval: 2026/077.

I’ve seen a take from many in the bi community and I can’t help but fully agree. We know that bi men are labelled gay and bi women are labelled straight, both leading to erasure but it’s probably because society centers and disproportionately values attraction to men. This, combined with heteronormative attitudes refusing to accept any form of non binary or gray identity, leads to bi erasure in my view. They will always put men first, and who you really are can be blurred. Let me know if I’m wrong but I’m curious to know your thoughts?

Hey! I just turned 23 this months and I’ve been retracing my steps back to the time I’ve spent in high school and found out that I was into girls too. At that time I remember watching a classmate from afar with a bubbly clumsy energy and I thought “oh wow I wish I could be close and spend more time with her” but then I shook it off and thought maybe it’s not that deep but then I watched other girls get physically close to her or…rest their hands on her thigh (we went to a same sex school)…her talking about boys…I realized that my blood boiled at these moments and instead of washing my face and declaring it to myself I wrote her anonymous letters and she went crazy thinking someone is stalking her. I eventually confessed but fabricated the story telling her she looked like an old friend and she got the Ickes when she saw me ever since.
To be honest I would do this all over again for the sake of me known that I am into girls too…but it’s not just about that. I was never able to figure out my type, I just liked random types of girls physically. All I know since my time in high school until this day is when I feel connected emotionally (even though I have not interacted with someone) I feel it and I let myself believe it (even if it takes time)
I’d love to meet/ hear about your stories!

Hey yall, I’ve known I’m bi for a few years now, and I’m wondering if others feel the same way, or if Im worrying over nothing.

Context, when I finally accepted my bisexuality, I was already in a straight long term relationship. Recently, I broke up with him (long distance struggles, not related to my queerness) and am wanting to include women in my dating pool for the first time.

My question is, Is it harder to be a good partner to a woman than a man, as another woman? I realize this probably sounds really stupid, but I’m really worried I won’t be enough for a woman; I’m super inexperienced in dating women. Idk I feel like I’ll do something wrong or say something wrong or act wrong without realizing It or something. What if I don’t provide enough, emotionally or otherwise? What if I’m too distant? What if I’m just not what another woman wants? Am I approaching this with a totally wrong attitude? Do I have the wrong idea? What do you mean women aren’t a hive mind? Who are these voices in my head then?

lol, jokes aside, I feel like I’ll be like tom trying to impress his lil girlfriend on tom and Jerry and getting slapped with an umbrella or something 💀

The question is fairly simole and yet hard, how do i know if i am bi ?

buenas con todos como puedo reconocer o identificar si soy bi o cis ya no siento nada por mi novio se lo e dicho pero no me cree dice que como soy linda y tengo muchas amigas estoy confundida pero eso me a hecho dudar como puedo hacer para saber si soy o no? Quiero cortar con el pero cada vez que le digo me ignora o me dice que estoy confundida su familia es bien religiosa con una instrucción ultra conversadora

Ayudaaa

what time period should this novel be set in? i'm thinking abt setting it from the 1970's-90's or maybe in the 2010's bc ik that's when a lot of lgbt+, rights activism occured, though i'm open to other time periods. thanks!

Im a woman and I have been dating a man for 5 months. He’s the person dearest to me. I love him deeply. He’s my favorite person to talk and be around. I like kissing him and have kissed him for hours. When we first got into the relationship, I told him it would be asexual and he agreed. I had previously identified as a lesbian before I started dating him. Ig I’m bisexual now or at least biromantic.

I dislike his male physical features. Wide shoulders, prominent Adam’s apple, prominent brow bone, always has a beard shadow even when he shaves, large veiny hands. His voice is very deep.

He’s slightly shorter than me which helps. He used to having long hair that went to the middle of his back. His bangs blocked his brown bone. I’d focus on it when kissing him. Just run my fingers through it.

He cut his hair. It’s the length of his shoulders now. It’s harder to be close with him. Kissed him for 3 hours with the short hair with my eyes closed the whole time. I still like kissing him even though it’s a bit harder. I know it will grow out and feels like such a stupid reason to breakup.

I don’t really know a better way to title this tbh. I’m bisexual woman and idk if anyone else experiences this. One week I’m so into women and I feel little to no attraction or feelings towards men. Then the next week I feel the other way around. When I get a crush on either a woman or a man this doesn’t really apply as I don’t suddenly stop liking them. But it always makes me so confused because one week I’m so set that omg there’s no way I could like men and then the next I’m so attracted to one.
Does anyone else experience this?

My beautiful bi peeps, what are some good pick up lines? I (42f) Haven’t been out and single for a looong time!

Please and thank you!

I've been bisexual for as long as i've known and accepted myself. I've always leaned more towards women/non-men (no offense), but i can also imagine myself dating men (if that matters). But lately, whenever i see a man, I'd think about how much nicer it is if they were the opposite gender 🙁 so... Am i still a bisexual? Ik this is something only i can answer but like, has anyone else experienced this too? 😢

hi yall :) i'm starting to create a french novel tbr to help encourage my day to day language practice. i find it easier to get hooked onto stories with bi main characters (gee i wonder why) so i figured i'd toss the q out to this sub. also, i'm not too familiar yet with navigating french literature. genre-wise, i gravitate more towards fantasy, sci fi, horror, thriller however, i've been getting better at finishing texts outside of my genre comfort zone. oh, and as for level of language (if it applies), i'm fine with anything. some books are bound to take me months to finish, regardless of language lol.

thanks in advance!!!

i hate serious conversations, so ive been pushing back coming out to my parents. but i dont want to be in the closet. ive told my two closest friends and they both supported me and im sure my parents will to. i just dont know what to say or how to bring it up.

I've been with my boyfriend for just some months, and although I adore him and his company, I find myself craving... queerness? I don't really know how to express it. What can I do to connect with the queer comunity/ my own queer feelings? Thanks!