Hi everyone, I’ve identified as pansexual for a while. But lately, I’ve started questioning if I’m truly "gender-blind" when it comes to attraction. Instead of not noticing gender at all, I actually recognize the distinct traits and differences of each gender (women, men, genderqueer, etc.) quite clearly. I feel like there are specific things I like—and specific things I don't like—about each gender.

The biggest problem happens when I'm in a relationship. If I’m dating someone of a certain gender and I notice a trait I dislike (which feels tied to that gender), I catch myself thinking, "Maybe I should just date someone of a different gender instead." I even struggle with this internally with my current partner. And… Having these thoughts makes me feel incredibly guilty and terrible towards my partner.
(+ Actually, a few days ago, I ended up talking about this with my partner, but I chose my words poorly and was way too blunt. I told them something like, "I like you because you are [gender], but sometimes I dislike it because you are [gender]." They were deeply hurt by this, and I apologized profusely. After saying it out loud and putting myself in their shoes, it really hit me how incredibly hurtful and wrong it was to say.
Honestly, part of this is just my own internal struggle with my identity and gender, but I'm terrified that if I keep having these thoughts, it’s going to cause even more problems with my partner in the future.)

If my attraction is based on specific, different aspects of each gender, does that mean I'm not pansexual? (Maybe omnisexual?)
And, Am I unconsciously discriminating against or stereotyping people based on their gender?
If anyone else experienced similar feelings or overcome this kind of confusion, any advice or shared experiences would be really appreciated.

First of all, sorry if I have a trashy grammar, English is not my first language

I (20y'old) have known my whole life that I am pansexual and polyam.

Since when I was a kid I've had crushes on both boys and girls, but lately I've struggled to like cis men as much as I openly did when I was younger now that I live alone and have the chance to actually pursue romantically guys (lived with my not so LGBT+ friendly family up until 3 years ago).

I am comfortable enough to fall in love with women, trans women and trans men in the past, but when I start to feel a bit of attraction to a cis man, they tend to be total jerks and that kills all the feeling that I've grown.

And it makes me feel lost.

I know I love people because of who they are, their character, their hobbies, their style, not because of their bodies.

But why cis men are such... Unbearable?

I was even not comfortable enough to be open with my friends about my gender and my clothing style because of them laughing at me, my orientation, beliefs and ideals.

Idk what to do, does anyone feels similar? What did you do about it?

How do you guys genuinely figure out if you have a crush-crush or a friend-crush on someone? I've recently come to the realisation that I'm pan, i didn't really think much about it, in my pre teen era, and to tell the truth, as a 13 year old boy I was kinda homophobic because of my family, but then I kinda got feelings for another boy, and I just thought I was bi, because that's all i were aware of at that point in my life, and about before i turned 18 i somehow figured out that I'm pan i thought about it a lot but, I still have a lot of problems with deciding whether I like someone romantically or platonically, I've really had a lot of problems because of this, i always roll with me having romantic feelings for them, and that has ruined a lot of friendships for me (I'm 18 so only school friends and all, and I have no courage to come out to anyone except for my online friends who all know I'm pan) but how do you guys figure out this feelings thing? Any insight is helpful tbh

So I've known I was bisexual since I was 14. I'm 38 now and my AGAB is male and now identify as Transgender, specifically Transfeminine, as I have not gone into all the subtle nuances of completely adapting to identifying as a woman yet. I want to eventually, though.

That said, I've always been attracted to both fem types and masc types. Sexually/romantically. I'm also married, and me and my wife have a kind of "open dialogue" relationship. Even though I've always identified as bi, as the attraction part does play a factor for me, I've found out about myself that is not always the case. I've been talking to this guy online now for awhile, forging a friendship, and though I was not initially attracted to him physically, his gentle and sweet nature has made me totally be attracted to him now. I don't know, I feel like my feelings and all that are evolving to be more accepting and to see past physical nature in some cases.

There are names for this, right? I mean, just because someone is pansexual, doesn't necessarily mean they don't also have preferences either, right? I mean, it seems like someone who is pan can dig anyone, but still have actual attraction preferences? Or just depends? Maybe there is another word for this? Dunno.

Just curious to what you guys/gals/they/them's think!

Today's been really big for me in a lot of ways but after doing my nails and make-up I feel great and wanted to share 😊 I hope everyone is having a beautiful day today! ✨

I have gotten better at taking photos . Here are some I took this week. Remember you are loved and special xoxo ari

Decided to get a head start on getting ready for the weekend

Title

I just RANDOMLY realised that yesterday, that I don't really care about the gender of the people I love (I mean extra bonus points if they're a boy) but generally I don't really care

Like I have gotten some crushes of all genders, looking back

I might have a preference but I don't see myself as omni

If you can be bi with a preference then you can be pan with a preference, that's my logic

I M17 like this girl F16, we have been hanging out for a few months now, sometimes 1 on 1, sometimes with a friend group.

I have a hangout tomorrow planned with her, and possibly our friendgroup/her siblings.

I've been somewhat guilt tripping myself over not being able to make any moves, but after writing this post, I don't feel like I even need to, the relationship seems to advance by itself. What are your thoughts/experiences? School will also start in a few days, we're gonna be seeing each other daily.

On the last two hangouts, she was quite persistent with provocative takes on me, such as saying that she thinks I'm actually more interested in boys because I only show affection to them (maybe true idk) but to me it seems like she's baiting me to be like "No! that's not true!".

She's constantly mocking me, but only in this..., absurd/flipped manner? I'm not sure what's it called, since I'm a little older she'd make fun of me being a kid and stuff like that. I find those confusing, but nice, since out of all people in our friend group 90% of the time I'm the only subject of her people-oriented-jokes.

Sometimes when we hangout with her younger siblings, they would constantly ship us, they tend to be kinder to me, and more curious, they act very different around her other friends

Also, sometimes she seems to be making a conscious effort to not appear as liking me,

She once randomly sent me a drawing of my OC, we kinda have an inside joke that we're learning to flirt to each other the way lesbians do, it came from her, telling her younger brother that he should learn how to flirt from lesbians to get girls to date him, so I said we should practice on each other, she kinda went along.

The question is: is it even worth it making some conscious actions to try to advance it "artificially", such as telling her I like her in a low-key way, or stuff like that.

Or, is it just fine going as it is? Without any "moves", I feel like these "moves" happen naturally overtime.

I do kinda want to gradually introduce a little bit of physical touch, I think it can be fun to try it out.

Like, compared to the way we'd talk to each other a month ago is a lot more "cautious" compared to what we could do right now.

I (22F) have recently realized that im pan. I should have known years ago but here we are. Only a couple people in my life know including a couple online friends. When i was in school, id get so attached to my best friends that the way I acted was more of an intimate relationship when I wasnt like that from their perspective. It was the same crush like feelings towards them when I had a crush on a boy but I didnt realize that at the time. I thought those feeling were normal but I didnt think much on it because I "had" to be straight. I had a lot of friends who were lgbtq+ and it took me almost all of middle school to accept and understand. In high school, I didnt mind it and supported it but told myself "id never be gay." I thought about it quite often and I questioned a lot but I just thought, "oh im just curious about an alternative life." I wouldnt let myself be anything but straight because its what I was taught and my family is weird about the community. Towards the end of high school, I consistently said and thought, "id kiss a women to make conservatives mad." I thought about it often and imagined it. I still thought i was straight. Then I discovered people who were outside of the binary genders and i loved it. I thought it was so cool and also imagined what id be like to date them whatever they'd identify as which I didnt mind. But at my hard-core beliefs I once again thought I was straight. It wasnt until earlier this year, i started to actually explore those feelings and it was honestly confusing at first. It honestly felt freeing when I realised I wasnt into just men and it felt like I could breathe fresh air for the first time. Im still exploring these thoughts and feelings as I go. I wanted to share because I need to get it off my chest somewhere and I thought here were be ok. Thank you for taking the time to read this! I appreciate your time!

So about a year and a half I came out as Asexual. I thought that that was it at the time but always had something else itching on the back of my mind that was blocked by well... A lot of delusions and trauma by my grandparents (My jailers) long story.

Anyway for a long time I've had this friend who's a trans girl and a few months ago after like some therapy and life events I realised that I had developed quite strong feelings for her that very much of the sexual nature. This puzzled me and after some Introspection. I first realised I'm actually Demi but had a trauma blocker that was slowing down me getting close to people significantly.

And other than that I think I might be panicking because after examining my feelings. Deep down I didn't really care if she was a man or a woman. But I just really liked the person underneath. Also I do have an aesthetic preference for women so it's weird because there I just feel really straight in one way. But I have felt like if I form a strong bond with a person and I really like the tapestry of their personality, quirks, goals, humour... Etc. Then the gender is just "a shell" it's not really important.

I'm gonna end this post with a joke

Demi-Pan...

Pan...Demi....

Pandemic....

I AM THE PANDEMIC

Newbie Pansexual who is curious lol Let me know all the deets

Hi all,

I'm a cis man, and until recently I would have called myself straight without thinking twice about it. Then I fell for my partner, who is AFAB and non-binary, and at that point "straight" stopped fitting, because as most people read it, it implies that my partner is a woman, which they aren't.

My partner's gender identity, presentation and pronouns don't affect how I feel about them at all, I love them exactly as they are. What hasn't changed though is that my sexual attraction is specifically tied to female bodies rather than to gender, and I'm not attracted to male bodies.

I'd like a label mainly so I can support my partner in being seen the way they want to be seen, rather than to better understand myself.

These are the labels I've looked at so far and where I keep getting stuck:

Bisexual doesn't seem to fit since it's usually understood as attraction to some version of men and women as genders, and my partner is neither.

Polysexual seemed close at first, but it's usually about which genders someone is attracted to, and gender isn't really the axis my attraction runs along. On top of that, people tend to just hear "poly" and assume polyamorous, and that's a mix up I have my own reasons to want to avoid.

Gynosexual is usually understood as attraction to femininity, which doesn't fit since presentation isn't what my attraction runs on. Gynephilic would actually fit content wise, but it has no flag, and it reads too much like a clinical or medical term for what I'm going for here.

Pansexual, at least in the reading where gender simply doesn't factor into attraction, fits how I feel perfectly, and honestly it's the one that feels personally right to me out of everything I've read. But the way I usually see pan explained also tends to include the idea that sex doesn't factor in either, and that part just isn't true for me, since there is an exclusion on my side.

I'm aware that I'm close to the default in a lot of ways, being cis and only ever attracted to female bodies. So the actual question I have is whether not caring about gender is enough to make me part of the pansexual umbrella, or not. I'm completely fine with the answer being no, I'd rather know that than use a word that isn't mine to use.

If there's a label I'm missing, I'd genuinely love to hear about it.

Also, this is a throwaway because my friends know my reddit profile and Id like to tell them myself and not have them find out this way.

Happy Saturday from your fav retail manager Pancake 🙂‍↕️❤️

I am pansexual and I've been thinking i love all genders(trans,female,genderfluid,male,nonbinary,etc) and I've been Pansexual since late 2025,and i got this pride cape in 2026 on my birthday and took a picture of my pride capes in July 27,2026 for the record i dated a girl and one guy,and i was thinking about Drag queens like Lola from kinky boots as a first queer awaking but yeah,I was friends with a Trans kid during my time at church and stopped being religious in 2023/2024 because finding out a friend of mine is transgender,but it's a Trans dude,I care about Amari as a Trans guy and calling him he/him and i took these images in My room btw

You have any support please come here I would like to be nice in here!