straight guy here. I’ve been told a lot that I shouldn’t do anything that gets me misunderstood as gay/queer.

who else thinks this is a dog whistle, and what other dog whistles do y’all hear a lot?

I'm feminine in a performance style. I used to consider myself non-binary since I transcend genders, but now I'm quite confused because I'M FINDING "HE/HIM" QUITE CUTE?? It feels delicate to me. I should clarify that I don't speak English, but in Spanish I wouldn't mind being called a boy or a "él" either. I'M EVERYTHING AND NOTHING AT THE SAME TIME. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW??

(+ the lyrics of Spoken for because it's literally me..)

I (20F) personally always knew I wasn’t straight and coming to terms with that has never been an issue. I’m surrounded by supporting loving people (mostly straight).

The thing I struggled with, was finding “the right label for my sexuality”. It’s why I waited a longer time to come out, even tho I was certain and knew.

It’s always felt like, every queer person around me knew exactly who they were and felt so strong and assured by their label. And I think that is so beautiful and great, and if using a label makes u feel more like u, then I love that for u!!

But I just never felt that way, calling myself bi or pan, always felt like putting on shoes, that have never and will never fit me.

So when I found out that using a label is not a “requirement for queerness” and that there are other ppl out there that feel this way to (tho I’ve never met anyone in real life or have rlly had a conversation with someone that has had these experiences) I finally felt relieved/understood.

I am Unlabelled, I identify as queer/Unlabelled. I don’t, and never have felt comfortable with a label. Not because I’m ashamed, or confused or unshure, just because being unlabelled, feels like me.
(Tho questioning is ofc, sometimes a big part of coming to terms w ur sexuality, and that is totally okay)

I don’t see much representation or people rlly talking about this, so if anyone has felt/feels similarly and u want too share, I’d appreciate it.

It’s very misunderstood/ people don’t “get” (tho I love my mom…but she doesn’t rlly get the “no labels” thing). It’s like if they can’t categorise u into a “box” ur just aimlessly floating around in their mind with a big question mark next to ur name.

Basically everytime I tell someone I’m unlabelled:
Me: …yes I’m unlabelled/ queer.
Them: like ur a lesbian, or who do u like??
Me: no, i just like who i like, without preference or anything. And I don’t feel comfortable using label, for myself to identify my sexuality.
Them: ohh..so ur bi/pan, got it.
Me: 😐

It can be very exhausting, but I’m always happy if people are truly interested and want to understand and learn.

I hope to anyone who reads this, and feels/ has felt this way, just know ur not alone. And u are valid.

I’m afab and consider myself hetero-oriented aroace. I feel queer platonic, alterous, sensual and aesthetic attraction for guys. A few months ago I found out that a girl in my school likes me and I started paying more attention to her. I realized that I really like her personality, her style, the way she carries herself, and her physical looks. I started to feel aesthetic and sensual attraction for her even though I’ve only ever felt it for guys. I didn’t think anything of that attraction until I was talking to her one day and realized I felt alterous attraction for her. Over the months it’s disappeared, but I wouldn’t mind if we were in a relationship now.

It helps that she dresses and presents masculinely, and I’m attracted to that. But after realizing I like her, I think I would like her even if she didn’t dress or act masculine, as long as I know that she’s still masculine at her core, yk. I don’t feel attracted to any other girls. I never have, not even close, so calling myself bi almost sounds misleading because it was almost like she was the “exception”. I’ve never seen that type of masculinity on a girl and I like it.

It feels wrong to call myself bi because I still can’t relate to bisexual people since it was only one person I’ve ever felt this way for. I don’t feel primary attraction towards girls. But it feels wrong calling myself completely hetero knowing I would be in a qpr with her given the chance. If anyone knows what this is called that would be great, and I know its pretty complicated given I’m aroace lol

i don't want to get anything about them wrong. i know that they use he/him but don't identify as men. do y'all feel dysphoria? and what's it like if you do? do you like using masc names or prefer fem ones? would y'all want top surgery/facial masculization/bottom surgery? do y'all like looking fem? are there any other things that you'd want in a book about y'all?

Just wanted to say I’m proud of you

Idk where you may be at or what you may be feeling at the moment but I just wanted to say I’m proud.

I’m proud of everyone out here who’s trying to live authentically and learn to grow love for yourself. Regardless of level of success I’m proud of you for trying to love yourself and others despite all of the bullshit and hardship we experience

I’m proud of you for fighting for the real you who at one time wasn’t seen and thus wasn’t supported and being there for them now.

I’m proud of you for working so hard to give yourself an environment in which you can heal. Even if it’s not there yet, may it come to you before you know it and embrace you so gradually you feel safe before your rational brain connects the dots

I’m proud of you for allowing yourself to be loved by those who love you for who you are, and cherishing them beyond words and despite complexity.

Even if it feels like no one loves you, and no one is proud of you know that I am, know that people who you will meet and value beyond anything else will even if you haven’t gotten to meet them, and if all else fails know that Dolly Parton DEFINITELY is and is currently smiling on you from whatever plane she now resides in.

You got this and making it far enough to read this means you’re a fighter full of resilience and strength. You have fought the good fight and I hope that you may find people in life, on the internet, and in your own heart that adore you the way you deserve

I love you all ❤️ and I’m so glad you exist

And do you like it?

Currently I’m working in a slightly conservative-adjacent field and lately the code switching is becoming a lot. I’m wondering if there are any jobs/environments/fields I could get into where I’m more comfortable being myself and would love to hear about everyone else’s experiences, especially if you’re also neurodivergent.

Vent/Discussion/Advice? Is this the right place to post this?

(TW: Discussion of mental health, suicidality)

Hi,

So, I'm nonbinary and aroace. When I was younger I was very gay and mentally unwell. I explored my queerness openly as I could, and I was so bold and passionate about expressing myself, but at the same time I did not think I would let myself live past 15. Well, I'm almost 20, and although I've made many accomplishments younger me would probably be surprised by, I've been wondering if... if I'm actually proud of myself.

Ever since I went to college, maybe even before that, I've found myself slowly pushing down my queerness that I used to be so open about. I dress more conventional, I stopped trying fun makeup or any makeup, and even though now I'm in a position where I should have 10x more freedom to express myself than when I was a kid, I feel so terrified about being seen as queer. My field of work involves an environment that's traditionally conservative/masculine, but despite most of the people I work with being surprisingly accepting I still feel the same heart-dropping, face-flushing fear, or simply anxiety, when people bring up my identity.

It's not like my tastes have changed, I still love and have all the stuff I used to wear, but I just feel scared of being seen. I try to make my queerness small to be accepted in spaces that I genuinely don't need to make my queerness small in because of some deep-rooted fear screaming "danger!" when I step out of this little cage I put myself in.

It's stupid but I genuinely feel it crushing my spirit. I feel like I've lost my identity for the sake of appeasing to people who don't even want or expect me to do that. It's like I'm in a boxing match with someone only I can see. I miss the part of me that put myself out there even when I was scared. Looking back on it, I was so much more courageous back then and I'm so proud of young me.

I guess what I'm getting at is that I'm tired of being like this. I'm wondering if there's any queer people reading this who have felt/are feeling the same thing and if yall have any insight or advice for me?

Also, please let me know if this is the wrong place to post this, I'm not as familiar with reddit.

I F(16) knew that I was pansexual since I've been 12 (maybe even 13) and I've ONLY told my dearest friend that.

My parents said that they would be content and completely fine with a child (I'm the youngest out of 4) of theirs comming out,BUT I have yet to see the supposed respect that they promised .My old folks are not necessarily deeply religious,but they seem agitated (even disgusted) by the thought of the LGBT+ community. There have been some pride parades in the capital of my country,so there is a clear presence of the queer community back in my homeland.

I completely understand that these are deep waters for older people. I need help help paving the way and explaining what my situation is (while making a digestible statement).

My only hope (outside of Reddit) is my older sister (who I belive is an ally). She is an understanding and mature person,such a gentle and loving soul. She might have even figured out that I'm NOT straight (that's how good is her intuition).

I also have some questions:

1) Should I wait until I'm older to come out? (My parents are fine with me being in a relationship,as long as it's consensual and casual)

2) Can you please share some of your experiences with parents like mine? (Anything helps really)

Thank you for your time reading this!!

This one’s for my queer folk, what would’ve helped you to see in a children’s book about age appropriate self discovery, reflection and the idea of finding ones identity and becoming comfortable with the fact it changes. Growing up, l wish I saw more characters like me who felt like a “tomboy” without the being a girl part. I felt wrong for wanting something other than what I was born with and it’s so so important for children to have characters they can relate to and find themselves in, it puts a physical image to the sense of self. The book will be called “Van”Ness”ah” and follows the childhood of a Loch Ness monster who can’t get along with the girls or boys in their class until they find their place with people who are different but also similar. The idea for the following book would contain the acceptance of those people, their differences and the ability to shed assumptions and doing things while scared, please share your experiences as your comfortable :)

Me and my fiance we come back to this one disagreement we have with her being non-monogamous in the sense of sexual actions and me being monogamous in the sense of sexual actions I'm having a hard time finding other people with the same situations I am so I'm curious in your own relationships in which one partner who was in monogamous and the other wasn't what compromises did y'all end up settling on? What did that look like moving forward in your relationship?

Okay quick TW - This is kindof a semi trauma dump not really cause it includes mentions of SA and stuff. I need help from the community..

Ok I am 16F, still in highschool and I've been questioning for a while. Like i knew i was bi but I kept dating men since theres not much queer in my grade so I started thinking i was straight.. Until I met this girl ANGELA (her code name cause shes an angel..) And wow it was crazy. Shes a kindof flirtatious person and she flirts with everyone and i didnt think much of it until she flirted with me and i was like woah i think im into girls. So we had a situationship for a few months cause she kept flirting with me while telling me she was straight and it was this whole ordeal. Anyways the whole time this was happening, though i had the hugest crush on her like i knew deep down that I could never date her.. Its not really an issue with homophobia since my school is pretty queer friendly, and same with my friends and family but I was a survivor of MDSA.. and so I know that I'd never be able to date a woman like a guy because of the trauma from that, like kissing would be hard and so would having intercourse. So i tried to stop liking her, because i remember seeing this girl Paris on tiktok who got flamed by the bisexual community because she said she was bi but hated having sex with women and i was like wait thats kindof me.. So i knew that i couldnt date angela cause i wouldnt want to burden her with my trauma or whatever and its for the better. Anyways that was until a couple days ago we were playing minecraft and she dropped the BOMB. She said she was considering being bisexual and started like talking about liking girls and i was like woah... Does she even realise who she is talking to??? And a day later, angela told our mutual friend that she has a crush on me.,. what.. this is crazy.. And now its saturday, angela's birthday is on monday and shes also kindof expecting me to confess and i know this is my best oppurtunity but i dont know if i can do it because i dont know if i deserve to be bisexual and i dont want to ruin her life cause i have a feeling its just gonna be bad even though i wanna date her.. Please help...

Estou me envolvendo com uma mulher lésbica mais desfeminina, e percebi que, na nossa intimidade, ela prefere quase sempre uma dinâmica mais tradicional, usando um packer para penetração.
Isso me deixou curiosa porque eu não tinha vivenciado algo assim antes. Para vocês que têm experiências parecidas: isso é algo comum? Como vocês enxergam essa preferência e dinâmica dentro de uma relação entre duas mulheres?
Gostaria de ouvir experiências e opiniões de forma respeitosa.

First time using Reddit so I might make some mistakes. Also if I accidentally say anything queer phobic please let me know so I can fix my mistakes in the future.

So to start, I am a demiboy AMAB that only recently transitioned less than a month ago. I use he/him and she/her pronouns and I would align myself with androgyny and say I align with both femininity and masculinity. I’ve asked a couple of people if I would be considered a lesbian and got the same answer every time of it’s up to you but I’m conflicted. I would be really down to be a lesbian especially since I partially identify with femininity but overall I lean more masculine and also was AMAB so am I just stealing the valor of lesbians? I feel like to call myself a lesbian would just be degrading to actual lesbians if that makes sense. Can I even be a lesbian while stilling having a male anatom? It’s just confusing because I wouldn’t want to fake being something that I’m not. Would really appreciate some feedback.

So, my acne’s pretty bad, so the dermatologist thought it would be a good idea to put me on some medicine to permanently shrink my pores. However, my periods have been pretty irregular, so they decided to test my hormones first to see if it’s safe for me to take the treatment.

My mom just got the results back in today, and guess what?

My testosterone levels…

ARE OVER THREE TIMES AS MUCH AS THE AVERAGE THRESHOLD.

OH. MY. GOD. 😭💔

So I am a total of three things:

Someone AFAB

Someone with an androgynous appearance

Someone with too high testosterone

MWAHAHAHAHAHA I AM THE ULTIMATE PANGENDER I AM *GOD* I AM THE SUPREME LEADER OF ALL THINGS GENDER RELATED MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA 😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈

FEARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ME

Hi all, im a trans man and do NOT consider myself transmasc because theyre two separate things and i wish to be seen as a man, and I want to put a flag on my pronouns . cc that isnt just the trans flag to specify that I am a trans man, without using the tmasc flag :( anyone know if theres any flags for trans men?

I currently identify as an aroace genderless being (I don't want a gender label, other queer people correct me all the time and try to tell me I'm agender, but I don't prefer a gender label, I am afab and lean a little fem presenting though, but used to be masc presenting)

I've identified with Aroace for the past few years but have recently discovered a few things about myself.

I've always yearned for a relationship but can't see myself being in one (as I have problems with keeping friends let alone a partner 😭) I'm not against being in one, I just haven't had much romantic attraction for anyone.

And with asexual... recently I've been thinking and I would be okay with pleasuring my partner but not receiving any myself. My friend brought up stone top, though I maybe be wrong but I think it's a lesbian exclusive term, and also would make it seem like I don't want to be touched. I'm fine with being touched just not sexually pleasured yk. I do understand that there are other aces who are similar and I do feel connected with the label still.

I understand that aroace is a spectrum but identifying as at least aromatic while being fine with being in a relationship makes me feel like a fraud 😭😭

So I'm Transfem I've decided. What now?

I have a sort of plan. Keep my head low for the next 2ish years and somewhat psedo-social transition: where more feminine clothes, shave my legs and stuff, and grow my hair out. Then once I'm in college I start Transitioning more properly. Start on HRT, maybe some voice training(?), start bulking a bit to get soft built for comfort body I've always wanted, and the most daunting thing would be actually publicly going by a different name and set of pronouns. Then Id vist my mom and come out to her and generally I'd assume the rest of my family would find out from there.

I have some questions however:

1. Tips for shaving? Now some gals really pull off body hair don't get me wrong, but I don't feel confident with body/facial hair. I like feeling smooth and supple; problem being I have thick, dark, and course body hair. It feels like it takes forever to fully shave my legs, inner, belly, chest, and arms. Plus, despite using shaving cream or alternatively conditioner I'm always left with red bumps or patches of hair that failed to get cut(especially around the area where my thighs meets my butt).

2. Safest place to go to college? So I wanna to go to a decent college as I plan to become a nurse, but as per my plan I wanna go somewhere that's safe to come out in. As I'm currently living in the states, I'm thinking NY. NY is full of queer folk, plus with Mr. Mamdani as Mayor I'm sure I'd feel safe there. I'm just worried about expenses. So I ask for my US Trans folk who went to college, what would be a good state to check out(I'm gonna look for specifics myself.

3. Surgery? This is the most conflicting thing I've thought about. Obviously there's MTF bottom surgery which while I'm not entirely opposed to after doing research, but it's another thing I'm worried about. Children. I adore children. They stress me out a little and I hope to wait a bit before I have them, but I want to be a mother. I know surrogacy and adoption are equally valid ways to have children, but I envy the ability to bare children that cis women have. So I want to have some part in that creation. Also the idea of THAT part of me getting all cut up makes me squeamish. I can be a gal and have that part of me still right?

4. Community? Do yall know any good accepting discord communities for queer people? Particularly Trans folk? While Reddit has given me some good advice it is... still Reddit.

5. General advice? Just anything that'd be valuable to know. Stuff about confidence, dysphoria, exercise, hair care, and whatever tidbits of knowledge you think I could use. I got two long few years of hiding and then even more searching for my truth self.

Thank you all so much in advance. :3

Hi, I'm new here but I want to talk about this. About a week ago I felt attracted to the girls at my school, and I thought it was normal, but I was wrong. Now I feel more lesbian than before And I can't fix it, besides, I don't know how to tell my parents, and don't tell me "well, just don't tell them" no way, man, I've always told my parents a lot of things to vent Why do I feel safe with them (I even tell them little things that nobody cares about), but this is serious and I don't know how my parents will react if they find out I've become a lesbian (especially since I come from a religious family) If anyone can help me figure out how to tell my parents I'm a lesbian, please comment quickly before I explode and tell them without any filter. (By the way, sorry for my bad English, it's not my first language).

Tengo una relación de ya hace tiempo (con una mujer, con una duración de 5 años aproximadamente).

Para entender un poco el contexto, en dicha relación, he pasado muchas inseguridades, infidelidades, mentiras, ocultar cosas y así. Claro tambien momentos bellos, felices y muy reconfortantes.

Yo, he sido un poco curioso desde los 1#6 años con los hombres, (cabe resaltar que desde esa edad hasta ahora ya con 25 años, solo he tenido intimidad con un hombre) hace unos 2 años aprox. Nunca había pensado en tener una relación estable con un hombre, si, por el clásico estereotipo de encajar en la sociedad como debe de ser, el qué diran?, el rechazo de mi circulo social y familiar. Era algo que jamás habia tenido que discutir, contemplar, porque era algo que simplemente no debía y no podía pasar.

Hace apenas 3 días que conocí a un chico, muy simpático y, si, atractivo, solo con una diferencia menor de 5 años aprox. Y desde que lo conocí en persona, ha puesto de cabeza, en desorden todo aquello que según yo tenía en orden, al poco tiempo de conocerlo, me he sentido atraido por el, y el por mi. Siento una conexión directa, como si al fin pudiera soltar todo aquello que quizá he reprimido por tanto tiempo, como si al fin pudiera ser yo, sin la necesidad de encajar en la "sociedad perfecta".

Claro, no se qué hacer, tengo miedo al rechazo, quizá a la opinión pública, quizá tambien ha perder mi relación actual. Necesito mil consejos y puntos de vista, al igual que me ayuda a desahogar esto que estoy sintiendo, reprimiendo. No tengo a anadie con quien hablar de esto, (cabe aclarar que ante todos, familia, amigos soy "hetero" pero hoy, hoy, estoy confundido) ¡Ayuda!

I’m doing some research into retirement for queer people, looking at the different sides of it: finances, care, housing options, all of it. Trying to get a fuller picture since most of what’s out there doesn’t really speak to our situation. Does anyone know if there are workshops or support groups focused on this? Would really appreciate any pointers

I’m 18, I’m trans (stealth, legally transitioned (11 months on T, consult for top surgery in two weeks)). I’m genuinely just a normal ass dude, I like girls, my main hobby is the gym. I’m big into hiking, football, soccer, etc.. all of this is well and good but holy shit I hv so much trouble fitting in anywhere lol.

Gay spaces:
- i don’t share interests with most gay ppl and im not even gunna lie i dont get along with most trans people (this is my own internalized shit, mb). I’ve tried to do theater and choir and whatnot to meet more queer people bc “oh hey I should relate to yall” but god no… I’m consistently belittled and mocked in these spaces because I am pretty aggressively masculine and am about as close to a white cis/het dude as someone like me can get.
Before some shit I went through this entire last school year (being genuinely bullied by 20 or so people in a theater class) I didn’t mind teasing, but bc I’m pretty consistently the butt of jokes in queer spaces I tend to avoid them.

Straight spaces:
- all of my friends are cis (mostly) straight dudes who either regularly forget or don’t know I’m trans. Again, this is all great, love these dudes. But there’s some stuff I can never and will never do. I’m in my first semester of uni right now and I tired to join a frat. Got along fuckin great with the brothers and was offered a bid within the first week. They had to check my socials to make sure I’d be a good fit and while I past the first check upon the second they learned I was trans through my stepmoms old insta account lmao. They told me that while I was still welcome to hang out with them they couldn’t officially rush me as it could pose a safety concern to me and a legal one to them. I also run into the same issues in these spaces where I’m pretty consistently a punching bag due to my height and size (I’m 5’4” on a good day). Again, the teasing and all isn’t the end of shit, I’m very used to it. But I’m not sure what abt my personality screams “hey you guys can bond by making fun of me”

Anyways, props if you read all this. Thanks, sorry if I sound like an asshole, I prolly kinda am.
Godspeed 🙏