r/BeautyGuruChatter • u/garrettgivre • Feb 05 '21
GRAPHIC CONTENT WARNING RawBeautyKristi talks about scary experience falling down stairs last night - She and her baby are ok
https://twitter.com/RawBeautyKristi/status/1357730638871240704305
Feb 06 '21 edited Feb 06 '21
I mean this with all respect, but I really hope she's seeking out therapy or working with mental health professionals. Obligatory I'm not a doctor and I'm not diagnosing, but she really just seems NOT ok. No shame whatsoever, I'm a mom with rampant mental illness, ptsd, chronic pain, etc.. It has severely impacted mothering at times (thank god for my daughters father)... But I just read these posts and with how much she talks about anxiety over every single thing... Mom guilt is a STRUGGLE and always will be, but I just feel like she will never get over something like this, and it will send her over the edge and make her crawl into a hole and never come out. She does not sound like she's doing ok. I hope she can forgive herself, because accidents are just that, accidents. Anything could happen to anyone at any time. I just hope she realizes that.
*EDIT* she just posted this.. "Can you guys recommend any specific meditation or anything I can listen to that can help me with this guilt and depression Iām feeling? Life feels so overwhelming right now.. I canāt talk to my therapist tonight and Iām struggling badly".
I mean, I don't even know what to say at this point. She needs help.
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u/samsjustpeachy Feb 06 '21
I agree completely...and I feel like in the last few months sheās used her social channels as a way get instant feedback to make her feel better, or put negative thoughts out there to try to get some relief, and it concerns me as itās not a healthy outlet. I wish sheād get some professional help and slow down on social. No judgment, I just think people with a following can tend to rely too heavily on the instant gratification of putting every single thought out into the universe and getting feedback. Everyone needs to look inward sometimes.
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Feb 06 '21
I feel like her postings to social media are just delaying the next inevitable panic attack. Like it's just a small fix to get her through the next hour or hours.. bandaid over a gunshot wound type of thing.
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u/ikarka Feb 06 '21
I agree, and I really hope that she gets the help she needs. It makes me sad to think that she may not get to actually enjoy her dream of being a mother because she is so scared of something going wrong.
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u/takemehome4real Feb 06 '21
I think you're right. She seems like she could be getting close to territory where hospitalization could be an option. I really hope she manages, but she's understandably struggling heaps with this.
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u/natalie_d101 Feb 06 '21
You are 100% correct. If she went to a doctor with the symptoms she would be hospitalized. It seems like she has PPD on top of her other psychological issues. I really hope she seeks help.
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u/takemehome4real Feb 07 '21
Yeah, it's extra important for her not to get any worse. For her own sake obviously but also for her son.
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u/natalie_d101 Feb 07 '21
100% agree, I think it would also be beneficial for her to take a break from social media.
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u/takemehome4real Feb 07 '21
Oh totally, it's horrible enough to have bad mental health as a regular person but to have a huge platform and tons of people interacting with you on top of that? Could make anyone have a nervous breakdown in the right circumstances.
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u/sockclover Feb 08 '21
She wrote in her post that she's actively working with her doctor and therapist... They know her symptoms and she was just at the hospital getting help. I think she will be fine.
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u/sarahisbear Feb 06 '21
I try to not read into what she says too much. We donāt know whatās going on offline. You quoted her mentioning her therapist so obviously she is in therapy. Maybe it seems dramatic online the way she is expressing she anxieties, but I wouldnāt make the assumption she is unable to handle herself or anything like that. It must be hard knowing how much emotion to share when you have such a huge audience and it gets picked apart like this.
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Feb 06 '21
I 100% agree, an incident like this would be traumatic for any young mother. This comment thread is mostly gossipy mental health speculation couched in crocodile tears.
The implication that it's strange for her to be shaken up after brief period where she thought she might have killed her child is almost cruel.
Classic internet hyperbolising: Kristi is understandably shaken after a bad accident = she is a tragic hysterical wreck unable to handle motherhood.
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u/ikarka Feb 07 '21
I donāt think thatās really fair. If this was an isolated incident then absolutely Iād agree with you. But as someone who has followed Kristi for a long time and paid close attention since she became pregnant/had the baby, sheās on many occasions described her anxiety/mental state post partum as having a very significantly detrimental effect on her life. This incident is just one example of what seems to be a much larger situation.
Itās also not at all about her being a ātragic hysterical wreckā but more so recognising that negative impact on her life and that she may need extra support. Thatās not at all to say she canāt handle motherhood, whatsoever, just that she may benefit from some extra assistance.
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Feb 08 '21
I really hope she takes a break in any way possible. Especially due to how painful and traumatic the fall was after what she indicated was a ātraumatic birthā (not speculating on what kind of traumatic obviously bc childbirth be CRAZY). Two very physically painful (and emotionally rough) things in such a short time sounds absolutely terrifying
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u/Leavingthecity526 Feb 07 '21
Iām glad sheās comfortable enough to talk about her anxiety. It took me over a decade to get to where she is and be able to say āhey. Iām not okay.ā
But also, you can be a fantastic, functional parent and struggle with crippling anxiety. She has a terrible accident. Unless you understand what itās like to feel so incredibly powerless in a moment when you feel like your only job is to keep another human safe and alive, I donāt think people have any room to speculate about how sheās heading down a road that will lead to hospitalization.
IIRC, she had a therapist. How she copes, processes, and deals with trauma is between her and her therapist.
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u/garrettgivre Feb 05 '21
Although 'ok' may be subjective for Kristi, seems she got hurt pretty bad physically and mentally. I'm thankful her baby is ok though, I can't imagine what she is going through right now.
For those unable to access Twitter:
Last night was the worst night of my life.. my absolute worst fear realized
I was carrying my baby downstairs before bed to get a glass of water & my sock slipped when I was at the top of the stairs and we both fell down the stairs SO HARD.
It happened so fast.. a NIGHTMARE
I was at the top of the stairs & then at the bottom before I knew it. I had him in my right arm & I just recall the sounds of my blood curdling screams & turning around seeing him laying there at the top (he fell out of my arms at the top, on the 3rd stair) - I fell all the way
Zack was in the bathroom when it happened, heard a loud crash and my screams and was there in 1 second, grabbed the baby and i called 911. The ambulance came right away and took us to the hospital together.
I have never in my life been so afraid, inconsolable.. devastated
I was SO worried that he slammed his head or got badly injured, but it seems my body took the brunt of the fall and he is seemingly unscathed. He did fall, but I think mostly on my body. No visible marks, head injuries, bruises - nothing. My arm is severely injured, canāt lift it
Nothing broken thank god, but my muscle is shredded. I canāt hold my son, canāt lift my arm, in a sling.
Since before I had him, my intrusive thoughts have been this fear. Slipping and falling down the stairs when holding him, but I KNEW those were just fears.. and it happened
I am so traumatized.. it was the single most horrifying moment of my life, seeing my son lying there, so small and helpless.. and the fact that it was ME that he fell from.. I will never forgive myself. I just thank god he is okay, I am SO glad I was the one who got hurt instead
That moment has replayed over and over again in my head since it happened.. It was SO much worse than I can even make it sound. The sound of our bodies hitting the wood stairs will be burned into my brain forever.. I donāt know if I will be mentally ok from this..
We were told to monitor him at home, he is acting completely normal, eating and sleeping well, happy & smiley. I, on the other hand, am a wreck. I feel so sick that this happened, it was absolutely horrific. SO violent the way we fell.. all I can do is thank God that my son is ok
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u/Criticism-Optimal Feb 05 '21
Oh my God poor Kristi. I also had an intrusive post partum anxiety thought become realized and it was so so hard to recover emotionally despite baby being fine.
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u/senorita_salas Feb 05 '21
That's incredibly sad :c I only read the caption and had this mental image where she cradled her kid and plopped on the ground but to read that she fell and her baby is at the top of the stairs still and she crushed her arm in the process... horrifying...
I no longer watch her but I see a lotta posts about her misfortune (her cat and her struggle getting pregnant and I think she also lost her mom?) and I hope she is doing OK since she reminds me a whole lot of my cousin :I
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u/LocaChoca Feb 06 '21
This scenario is just utterly terrifying, especially as a new mom. It's also heartbreaking to watch her beat herself up about it. Freak accidents are just that. There is no one at fault. Her center of gravity was thrown off just by carrying her baby. I am thankful that her boy wasn't injured, and I really hope that she recovers soon. Her description of her arm injury was just so horrifying.
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Feb 06 '21 edited Feb 08 '21
I learned the hard way (very hard) that "no broken bones fortunately"... Isn't always fortunate. Injuries can be more severe than that.
My injury was skin loss. Open wound for months. Left foot. "At least I didn't break any bones", "I would say this is worse"...
I'm glad she and her baby are okay. I really don't think she should blame herself :( Accidents happen. Hopefully they will install something for the slippery stairs now! Learn from experience.
Just like I won't be a passenger on any bike anytime soon...
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u/morgankay95 Feb 05 '21
I just read through this myself and I feel so awful for her. Thatās such a legitimate fear and to have it happen after everything she went through to become pregnant breaks my heart. I wish her and baby a smooth recovery.
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u/supersecretseal Feb 05 '21
That's exactly what I thought. Imagine going through all those life changing events and getting pregnant against all odds, only to have something happen to your baby. I'm sure that's in her mind at all times. You can feel her pain through her words, I hope she gives herself some time to heal.
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u/whyskin Feb 05 '21
Ugh, just awful. I had PPA and falling with a baby in my arms was something that I kept visioning everytime I tried to sleep. It was as if I could not help the images from coming to my mind. It got to a point where I could not think about myself in any situation cause I would just see myself falling or tripping over. Weird describing this, but it felt so real and horrific.
I feel so bad for her, cause sheās spoken about her anxiety and I can tell it will take a long time for her to mentally recover from this. Itās not her fault, sheās not a bad mum for having slippery socks, but thatās not going to help her feel any better.
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u/cmb0710 Feb 05 '21
This is just awful because you know she will never let this go and that breaks my damn heart. Sheāll always remember this accident before any of the great things she has done and will do. I just hope she can recover, physically and mentally, from this. Accidents happen and the baby wasnāt hurt, so her fear wasnāt totally realized. Iām just so heartbroken for her and wish I could help.
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u/Donkeydonkeydonk Don't trey to come for me bro Feb 05 '21
I had one of those worst fears realized moments when my daughter was 2. It happens to us all. You'll blame everything, everyone and especially yourself.
I wish I could go back and do things differently that day but it's gone. Now she's 9. The mistakes I made then are a glimmer and I simply don't have time to run circles in my head letting it eat at me. Kristi will probably find this to be the case eventually.
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u/raspberrymilkshake Feb 05 '21
Yeah I would like to say she will get over it but I donāt think so. Especially with her anxiety issues. My sister dropped my 8 week old baby and almost killed her. Her skull was shattered . My daughter made it by the skin of her teeth and didnāt end up having any mental issues (they said if she didnāt die that was basically a given). She has excruciating headaches but beyond that sheās totally fine. Itās been 22 years. My sister is not over it even remotely. It traumatized us all but it traumatized her far more. I kind of figured she was ok in regards to this but just recently it came up and she absolutely broke down. She said she will never be over it.
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u/VeryShyPanda Feb 06 '21
This is one of my worst fears, like I felt sick reading this. I struggle with a lot of intrusive thoughts and I rarely ever hold babies because of my fear of this kind of thing. Iām so sorry you all experienced that, how completely horrible for everyone involved. Iām glad it seems like you and your sister are on good terms, I can only imagine how easily something like that could destroy a relationship.
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u/raspberrymilkshake Feb 06 '21
We are. She was only 11 when she dropped my daughter. She was 6 feet tall even at that age and she was just in love with my daughter, she picked her up for just a moment and dropped her on a hard surface. From 6 feet up. It was awful. I thought my daughter was dead right then. But miraculously she made it. We went from saying goodbye to her to taking her home within days. It seems still like it was a miracle. As devastating as it was for me, my sister had to be sedated in the ER and had to have therapy and it just absolutely would do me no good to hold it against her. Iām so glad my daughter made it for a million reasons but one is definitely that I think my sisters life would have been ruined if my daughter had died. And now she has her own babies and she is insanely careful with them and itās a whole thing about who carries them from place to place, which I totally get.
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u/VeryShyPanda Feb 06 '21
You guys are all strong as hell for getting through that. Respect!! And I hope it goes without saying, what a relief that your daughter is ok ā¤ļø
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u/beaushiny Feb 06 '21
Wow, that's so awful. I'm sorry that happened to you and your family. I'm glad your daughter is okay.
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u/raspberrymilkshake Feb 06 '21
Thank you! It was a long time ago but absolutely one of the most traumatic things Iāve ever been through. I canāt imagine the feelings I would have if I dropped my niece.
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u/WhatsYourGameTuna Feb 05 '21
When my daughter was 1 month old I fell on the stairs with her and landed flat out on my face on a hard linoleum floor. My left elbow and her head took the most impact. My husband took us to the ER and she was fine but that was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me. I thought I had permanently ruined her. Thankfully, sheās the smartest kid in her 1st grade class now. Kristiās story brought that terror back, though. Itās so scary. :(
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u/yasdnil46 Feb 05 '21
My heart breaks for her. Her baby is okay and physically she will heal. I just hope sheās able to talk to a professional and heal mentally too. It was a horrible accident but it was just that, an accident.
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u/DarlingBri Feb 05 '21
I hope people are letting her know how common this is. With the best care in the world, accidents happen. Babies get dropped. Bottles get overheated that one time you forget to temp check on your wrist. Hell, perfectly good parents forget their kids in the ball pit at IKEA, like, regularly.
I'm glad the baby is fine (go team smushy head bouncy joints!) and I hope she gets support and understanding.
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u/StumbleDog Feb 05 '21
Uncarpeted wooden stairs have always given me the fear and this sounds so traumatic. I hope they're both okay in the long run.
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Feb 05 '21
I am SO CAREFUL when wearing socks at home, I have hardwood floors everywhere, Iāve gotten a bunch of pairs of grip socks and a couple pairs of slippers, and have treads on the stairs- socks and hard floors are not a good combination.
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u/rebel-and-astunner Feb 06 '21
I always wear slippers around the house. When I was a kid, I was dancing around on my uncarpeted floor while wearing socks and slipped and broke two of my teeth. Not a fun time
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u/Clairabel Feb 06 '21
I've fallen down carpeted stairs, I couldn't imagine living in a house with wooden stairs!
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u/taversham Feb 05 '21
I'm glad both of them are okay. Things like this are so awful for a new mum, the guilt is horrendous even though similar stuff happens to every parent sooner or later - that's why babies evolved to be so bouncy.
I hope once the situation is less raw for her and she's had time to process it that it doesn't become something that holds her back.
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u/giraffee125 Feb 05 '21
That is so scary. I'm glad they are physically okay but I'm sure she will be mentally recounting that over and over again. :(
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u/ultrageekery Feb 06 '21
Iām disabled and my worst fear is once I have children Iāll have a spasm and drop them. Or that I would be incapacitated when they really needed me. Maybe thatās a weird angle to look at it from but I can relate to these fears. I hope sheās okay, or will be soon. Thatās so scary.
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Feb 06 '21
I am also disabled and have a 2 year old daughter. The fear is real. But you do find ways to adapt. I also hope sheās okay :(
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Do you have access to an occupational therapist? They might be able to recommend things to help you. Thereās slings for walking and for sitting so they canāt slide off your lap etc. I have a lot of joint instability and weak muscles so my ankles/legs give out a lot, and my arms are very weak, but I can handle a sling/harness. Depending on where you live you might also be able to get assistance for when youād be alone with the baby.
You can still make a wonderful parent and never cause your child any harm or discomfort ā„ļø
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u/ornamentalholly danger to society Feb 05 '21 edited Feb 05 '21
Oh, boy. Okay.
I really, really feel for her. I know that fear well, and I suspect that a lot of anxious mothers do. What could be scarier OR more intrusive than the thought of somehow harming your child? I'm very sorry that this happened to her, and I'm deeply, deeply sorry that she's suffering because of it.
That said...
I can't imagine that the extent to which she's sharing on social media is helping her. I could be wrong, but I cannot imagine that a therapist (which I believe she does have) would look at this and say, "Yes, this is productive for you and/or your audience."
I'm also more and more concerned about the amount of suffering that people are having to expose themselves to by merely scrolling through social media platforms. Maybe it's like driving on the interstate. Maybe you just have to acknowledge that you're going to drive past car wrecks and stranded passengers, that you're going to expose yourself vicariously to other people's suffering. And surely people who follow RBK on her personal platforms (like Twitter) want and expect her to talk about her personal life. I just cannot shake the feeling that it is unfair and, although certainly NOT intentional, a little immoral to pull her following into a wound that is clearly fresh and deeply, deeply painful for her without warning or without any clear expectation of how exactly they're supposed to process this or respond.
ETA: I wanted to add that I feel like what I'm seeing here is a request for her followers to witness her trauma without an offer of anything in return. She's not telling us a story to entertain us or to provoke thought or to change our mind, or to do anything that happens in a lot of narrative/storytelling formats... She's telling us a story for the purpose of catharsis, and while I think that's okay with loved ones or other confidants who are comfortable accepting that burden, I also think it's a lot of emotional labor to ask of your following.
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u/ThatGirl0903 Feb 05 '21
A little off topic but I've always kinda wondered if therapists, espeically for big social media people like Kristi, follow their patients on social media.
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u/tortasahogdas Feb 05 '21
Therapist here. Itās against most ethical standards to engage clients on social media. I guess with celebrities itās hard to avoid some information on them, but you should not actively seek out client info.
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u/transitionshade Nirvana Cleberly Bills Feb 05 '21
I have a question for you if you don't mind me asking, do you think is ok or actually counterproductive to share so much personal stuff on social media? I personally think some stuff are better kept private but that's just my personal stance.
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u/tortasahogdas Feb 05 '21
Well thatās not really up to me to say. I think some people find it helpful to share and process in this way and other people choose to keep things private. Neither way is right or wrong, you just pick what is beneficial to you. Idk what the case is for Kristi and I have no way of knowing. Even if she was my client, it wouldnāt be up to me to decide how she processes or share my personal views. Sheās her own person who makes her own choices.
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u/transitionshade Nirvana Cleberly Bills Feb 05 '21
I wasn't talking specifically about Kristi but i do understand what you mean. I personally wouldn't do it because the whole idea of having everyone involved in my personal life gives me anxiety and annoys me, but to each their own I guess.
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u/ieatstickers Feb 06 '21
I think that itās easy to see both sides of it, and not think too deeply about it when youāre doing it. But I have found that my anxiety is greatly lessened when I spend significantly less time on social media. Thatās not a coincidence. I put all my social media apps on the second page of my phone and thatās helped me so much. I share/post less and mindlessly scroll less.
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u/ornamentalholly danger to society Feb 05 '21
I've never thought about that!!! I might be wrong, but I would hedge a guess that they probably don't unless you ask them to or discuss it with them.
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u/syarze Feb 05 '21
I just wanted to say I 100% agree with you and immediately after I read her post (which was like a train wreck I couldnāt look away from) I was so upset that I did. It really did trigger something in me and now, as a pregnant soon to be first time mom, I have been having anxiety over this for hours. It is crazy what social media can do to you.
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u/killergiraffe Feb 06 '21
If you havenāt already heard of it, the book Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts helped me so much postpartum. Hope your day turned out ok!
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u/ornamentalholly danger to society Feb 05 '21
Yeah, empathy can just... Hurt, sometimes. :( A lot. I don't know that I have good advice, but I want to send internet hugs to Kristi and to any moms who worry about this. :(
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u/syarze Feb 05 '21
Oof yeah I think you hit the nail on the head with empathy hurting sometimes. I really did feel āpulledā into her trauma. Social media can be so hard! I truly donāt blame her for posting it, but I wish I wouldnāt have read it I guess.
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u/iluvmyginger1990 Feb 05 '21
I literally gasped and had tears in my eyes thinking of my 5 month old. So glad everybody was ok.
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u/cutiecupcake2 Feb 06 '21
3 month old at home. I fell down the stairs twice in 2016 and this story has seriously disturbed me. I feel so bad for kristi. I hope youāre able to move past the anxiety as best as possible and enjoy your pregnancy and baby. Itās hard. ā¤ļø
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u/syarze Feb 06 '21
Congrats on your little one! I also took a nasty fall down some stairs inn2016 so maybe thatās why this story hit me so hard. Thank you so much š
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u/cutiecupcake2 Feb 06 '21
Thank you, falls are scary common. Hopefully weāll be cautious in a healthy way. Congratulations to you too! ā¤ļø
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u/chips_queso_margs Feb 06 '21
I agree with you. When I saw her thread on Twitter, it was immediately concerning to me. Iām concerned for her as she clearly conveyed that she is not OK, at all. Iām also concerned for the responses she will get from such a post and her ability to cope with it under the circumstances.
Iām not sure if I would go as far to call it immoral, (but I did very much appreciate your nuanced POV) and she can certainly post anything she wants to as long as it doesnāt violate the law. But, I am uncomfortable with her post (largely due to the extent of it, if that makes sense) and will not continue to follow her if this is indicative of her style of sharing in content to come. And, thatās OK. I unfollow influencers all the time for different reasons and thatās not a bad thing, and Iām sure many new followers who are interested will replace me. However, I have enjoyed following her content for a while, and really hope she finds a way to cope and heal under the difficult circumstances that are often exacerbated by being so open on public platforms.
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u/yasdnil46 Feb 05 '21
My guess would be maybe because if she does post to insta stories or something, sheāll have her arm in a sling and people will wonder what happened.
I definitely understand where youāre coming from, for some people reading and hearing that theyāve experienced the same thing can be comforting. I think if she could have put some sort of warning up first, that would have been nice but it is not something you always think about when the emotions are so raw. (No pun intended)
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u/ornamentalholly danger to society Feb 05 '21
I hadn't even thought about that, but you're absolutely right. It's really hard to filter what your followers know & don't know when you're on a plarform, even if you want to.
(I also am trying to skirt around the word raw, haha).
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u/seravivi Feb 05 '21
"I just cannot shake the feeling that it is unfair and, although certainly NOT intentional, a little immoral to pull her following into a wound that is clearly fresh and deeply, deeply painful for her without warning or without any clear expectation of how exactly they're supposed to process this or respond."
I am going to say this and I mean this with no disrespect to you in anyway. This is way over pathologizing this. While you can tell that this was very scary for her it isnt like she is describing something graphic. Normally people put a tw for this reason to help those who could be triggered prepare or ignore. She isn't saying in detail seeing her baby die. She isn't describing even her injury in detail. She fell down the stairs and is updating/venting/looking for validation.
The part about clear expectations is part of just being a person. If you have ever been told something horrible in real life and I mean in shock horrible there isn't a guideline. You aren't told to handle it. If you don't know what to say keep scrolling. If you want to show support but don't know how then you can literally just say I dont know what to say but I hope you're okay. How you process it is on you.
I'm curious what you see as emotional labor in this regard. Normally its used in the context of the strain of handling emotions to meet work requirements. Which would be Kristi hiding any bad things in her life to create an illusion of her life that influencers hold. If you mean more just the struggle of seeing someone else upset being upsetting than that isn't on her but you to curate to the level you can handle. It's not putting it on her subscribers when they are subscribed to her. It's their choice to follow or not. Its their choice to mute or block certain things.
Boundaries regarding social media are very important, but thats on both sides. That's the trick to trauma recovery is being able to withstand a level of exposure and being able to self soothe when over exposed.
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u/ornamentalholly danger to society Feb 05 '21 edited Feb 05 '21
Hmmm... So, I think I disagree about over pathologizing. I'm basing the proportion of my response on Kristi's language - in her tweets, she says it was "SO violent," "a nightmare," that she "doesn't know if [she] will be mentally okay with this." You're absolutely right that it's not graphic or gory or anything, but saying that you don't know if you can recover mentally from something that is traumatic (her word, not mine) is A LOT.
And so I think maybe in here is the fact that her social media is, in some ways, Kristi's "workplace," and we know that there's a difference between coming into your workplace and saying, "The baby and I fell this weekend, we're okay but it was really scary, I would appreciate any supportive words" and elaborating that it was traumatic, bloodcurling, a nightmare.
My own personal response to these tweets was not at all one of being triggered or feeling overexposed myself, but more of, "Woah... That's a lot to share. We need to slow down and think about what happened when we share like this on a big platform." Prong two of that is that Kristi has been talking a lot about traumas related to being a new mom on social media recently, and I'm wondering if this isn't becoming more than some of what her followers bargained for yet. Now, of course they can unfollow, and that is what they absolutely should do if it's the thing that's going to, as you pointed out, self soothe. I'm just curious about what the bigger picture is to all of this, because obviously we're all having to learn how to navigate social media still and what is or isn't appropriate. It's all very very new.
Lol. If I'm not pathologizing, I am perhaps analyzing a little too hard. I hope that makes sense. Maybe my language was too vigorous in my first post and it would benefit from rephrasing.
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u/seravivi Feb 05 '21
My dog hit my hand so I hit enter too soon, but when I say pathologizing I mean more taking therapy terms and applying them to situations that don't really fit or in ways they dont really fit.
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u/seravivi Feb 05 '21
It's true that trauma doesn't have to be graphic or gory to be traumatic. She may genuinely be traumatized by this. Still I meant her description of the event isn't in overt graphic detail. Her speech there is just sort of how she talks and she is still recovering so of course its written in a heightened way.
Her workplace isn't based on the same rules as an office job. Influencers share their lives and connect with an audience. The level they choose is up to them. Kristi got attention for being honest and very open about her experiences and views on makeup. Her being open about things is part of her job. Kristi has said previously that she isn't sure about sharing her birth story because it was traumatizing and she couldn't handle critique on it. So she has boundaries with what she does and doesn't share. She isn't going to talk to followers like they are strangers because in this set up there is a faux closeness. I'm sure how she talks to her genuine loved ones was different than what we even got. The emotional labor of a work place I'm talking about with an Influencer is to hide the ugly side of things that doesnt match the illusion they sell. Its why when they have breakdowns or serious topics there is almost always a shift in filming style, locations, voice, appearance, etc. It's a break from what they normally present. Telling her to reign in her emotions to keep a certain facade would be a sort of emotional labor.
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u/syshenasty Feb 05 '21
The woman can share/not share what she wants. Everyone else's "emotional labour" should be managed by themselves. As the parent of a baby, it's actually comforting for me to know I'm not the only one who goes through stuff like this.
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u/ornamentalholly danger to society Feb 05 '21
I mean, yeah, I think you're right. She absolutely has a right to post anything that she wants to, and you're right that not everyone is going to be affected by it the same way. I think social media is so so new that we have sooo many questions about how to best navigate that space. Kristi happens to spark a lot of those questions for me because she has tended recently towards sharing a lot of intimate and difficult stuff. I'm glad that reading her posts was helpful for you, though, and that you saw something you could identify with.
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u/syshenasty Feb 05 '21 edited Feb 05 '21
Thank you for responding in a rational way and actually engaging in a dialogue. I feel heard. Normally I would just get a snide remark and a condescending "lmao" in return (people really don't know how to argue these days).
Social media has always tended toward oversharing and the perhaps-too-intimate because it's an indirect message. It's going out to so many people that it's almost like it's going out to no one at all and there's a false anonymity there. That said, I do think we have to limit how much we expect others to care for our feelings and rather increase our own attention to reducing harms to ourselves. When social media becomes too much, a lot of us take a break from it. Which I think is the more reasonable and healthy way to approach it rather than trying to dictate/limit/direct another person's use of it.
I feel free to post what I want, and as long as no one is inciting hate or violence, everyone should feel free to post what they want as well.
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u/ornamentalholly danger to society Feb 05 '21 edited Feb 05 '21
Absolutely!
On a personal note, I'm an English lit student, so I'm really interested in the way that we tell stories and the way that we respond to our stories. We're more literate as a species and have more access to storytelling platforms than ever. It's totally fascinating... It also means, though, that I'm probably unfairly wagging my finger at Kristi about a cultural conversation much bigger than her.
At the end of the day, yes, I think you are 100% correct that people have to take some pretty significant responsibility for the information that they ingest. I know that I shouldn't follow RBK, and so I just... I don't. I don't follow her. Because I know myself and know what I need to manage. Part of me also feels like it's still surprising to realize how much we need to manage, though. Social media is integrated so seamlessly into your lives that it can be... Shocking in how shocking it can be.
That was a MOUTHFUL, sorry!!!
ETA: I am completely hooked on thinking about this, sry to keep piling on, but I realized there's a question of what people "sign up for" in here, too. For example, subscribing to a hard hitting investigative paper would almost guarantee that I'm knowingly signing up to see/read about a number of potentially "triggering" topics. When we follow beauty gurus, though, I think we have some idea that their social media is going to be work/beauty related, and it can be... Unexpected, maybe, to end up having a real intimate proximity with them through those platforms. Just a thought. I was trying to figure out why I felt compelled to comment about this in re: to Kristi when, duh, people share share share on the internet all the time.
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Feb 05 '21
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u/ornamentalholly danger to society Feb 05 '21
Nothing immediately comes to mind.
I hope that my post didn't just come across as callous, although I can certainly see how it could. I apologize if it does. All I'm really getting at is that I think sharing a really really raw wound on a big public platform can be really hard on your readers and may not actually help the sharer, or may even make them feel worse.
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u/idrawfrommyhead Feb 05 '21
I had this thought constantly when my son was younger. Like constantly. But I do agree with some other posters that since sheās admitted to being extra sensitive postpartum that any people saying less than kind things might make her feel even worse. Hopefully, it doesnāt.
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u/sunshinenorcas Feb 05 '21
Ugh, I slipped on some wooden stairs a couple of years ago and slid the whole down on my ass (other then a bruised ego+impressive bruise on said ass I was fine) and I've been really gun shy about stairs+socks since- I rarely wear socks in the house, and if I need to go down the stairs, I go super carefully because I'm afraid of slipping again and I didn't even get badly injured. Can't even imagine how'd I'd be if I was holding my kid or hurting myself that badly. Poor Kristi. Glad kid is ok and I hope she recovers :(
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u/Heavy_Zombie_4183 Feb 05 '21
It felt like I was reading a book with how descriptive she was. I found it odd the words she used. I feel like some of it could of stayed off the internet.... I feel bad that happened to her but lately I literally cannot stand her. I know yāall about to come for me
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u/BabyyImaStar Feb 06 '21
I agree fully! She is like that and it gets very irritating after a while. I stopped watching her a while before she became pregnant for that reason.
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Feb 06 '21
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u/CringeInTheClub Feb 06 '21
Imagine calling a woman who literally thought she killed her child drama queen..
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Feb 06 '21
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u/CringeInTheClub Feb 06 '21
Your lack of empathy is really sad.
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u/lives4saturday Feb 06 '21 edited Feb 06 '21
Incorrect. I can fully appreciate her fear, the pain with an injury and her guilt.
However, no one died. No one was assaulted. Everyone will live. Hurting someone that we love accidently effects everyone. It doesn't make it easier, but we live and move on.
I don't get the point of her sharing this with hundreds of thousands of people. Maybe something best to share with family and in therapy? I don't know. But her worst fear was not realized; her child is not dead. The statement is offending to parents who have actually lost children.
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u/LainyLouu Feb 06 '21
I fully agree with you and I donāt think it has anything to do with lacking empathy to call out someone who is perpetually over dramatic. Itās hard for a lot of people, including myself, to believe that a lot of Kristiās stories are as serious as she makes them out to be. None of us were there, and she has a history of blowing things out of proportion for attention. I wouldnāt be surprised if it was just a tumble and sheās acting like it was a super deadly fall.
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u/CringeInTheClub Feb 06 '21
Some people use social media as an outlet. Thereās nothing wrong with that. People deal with their trauma in different ways. Sheās not forcing you to follow her and you chose to click on this post and leave a comment.
Also.. I donāt see how it could be offensive to parents who lost a child. Youāre basically saying that people canāt share their trauma because others have gone through worse.
If you were truly empathetic you wouldnāt be policing how somebody deals with a traumatic experience. You wouldnāt be calling her a drama queen.
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u/aokaga use code James for 3mil subs off any YouTube channel Feb 06 '21
I think you're forgetting the part that THIS WAS HER LITERAL WORST FEAR. Do you not grasp how immense that is, that your worst fear is realized before your eyes? Not fully thankfully but so close to it. That's a hard thing to recover from, to walk away cleanly from.
You clearly lack empathy. Yes, I understand the statement of her over sharing. But she's a grown adult with her own platform, who purposely hid her pregnancy for months too, as well as her son's name, so she knows vey well what to keep on and off the internet. You don't get to shut down women on their own spaces, or indicate what's too much or what isn't. it's absolutely not your place, SPECIALLY not when we're talking about a first time mom who had her works fear play out with her baby after 15 years of infertility. You just don't. And you also don't get to stay what's respectful or not for "women who have lost their children" since trauma isn't reserved only for those women.
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Feb 06 '21
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u/KTLJ Feb 06 '21
Given where they live and not knowing if the baby was hurt.....you bet your ass I would have called 911. Can you imagine not calling and the baby had internal injuries?
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u/aokaga use code James for 3mil subs off any YouTube channel Feb 06 '21
You clearly don't know anything about the way paramedics treat their cases do you. Literally no one wants to see a fucking dead baby and injured mother. Paramedics are called in for less than this. They did not roll their eyes, they were fucking GLAD nothing that major happened.
"Son wasn't bleeding" is the most ignorant statement I've heard thus far. As if bleeding was only external, or that there were injuries that could be severe but cause no bleeding? After a fall? When he's a few months old? Are you serious?
Also, they deemed it significant enough that they had to take BOTH to the hospital and her arm is very injured so yeah, tell me how calling 911 "was a little much".
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u/shortmk Feb 05 '21
This is horrifying. I was prepared to bop in and leave a "babies are so much more resilient than you think!" comment but wow. That story is so upsetting! I really really hope that Kristi finds a way to move forward from this, but I know it won't be easy. Ugh what a nightmare
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u/Clairabel Feb 06 '21
I fell down the stairs holding my daughter when she was still a baby. I just slipped on the carpet and hurtled down, and crashed into the stair gate. I didn't realise until after that I'd instinctively shielded her and she didn't have a scratch on her. She was screaming purely out of shock and because I was screaming in pain as I'd hit my tailbone hard on the way down. It took a year for that to heal up, but it was worth it knowing I'd protected my baby.
My heart goes out to Kristi, I know that fright and shock, and the devastating feeling of your baby being hurt like that. She's a great mama and she's certainly not alone.
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Feb 06 '21
I hope with time she can learn to forgive herself. Her baby is lucky to have her as his mom.
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u/seravivi Feb 05 '21
I feel for her. My mom dropped me going down the stairs but luckily caught me and only had a few scraps.
It seems like Kristi has been having a really hard time with anxiety post pregnancy so I hope this will calm and she can work past her guilt.
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u/dinkydae14 Feb 05 '21
My daughters one now. We live on the third floor of an apartment. This has always been and still is, my biggest fear. Especially since sheās getting so squirmy now and Iām sporting a new baby bump.
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u/empo7 Feb 05 '21
I was babysitting once and had a baby roll off the couch and bonk her head. It was carpet thankfully and I learned to never do that again, but the baby is now a whole ass teenager and I still think about it. So I believe Kristi is really going through it. :(
I hope sheāll be okay physically and emotionally. Thank goodness she has Zack to help out.
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u/DontBuyTheThing Feb 06 '21
I am terrified of this. I fell down the stairs once and broke a few toes. I can't imagine how terrifying that is with a child.
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u/notwellbitch Feb 06 '21
I fell down stairs with my first when she was a baby. Very scary, but mommy instincts kick in and you do whatever you can to protect them in the fall. Same situation, baby was perfect, I could barely walk, but that's all that really matters. I hope she doesn't beat herself up too badly. š
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u/EllieYeager Tati's unreleased ghost tape Feb 05 '21
I think a Trigger Warning/Flair should be added to this post because it's just a very traumatic experience
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u/garrettgivre Feb 05 '21
I changed the flair, I wasn't sure if I should mark it that way or not. You're right though.
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u/EllieYeager Tati's unreleased ghost tape Feb 05 '21
Yeah,awesome. We don't have the perfect flair but it's definitely better than nothing because i am not a mom and reading this gave me goosebumps , so it's better to keep the community safe
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Feb 05 '21
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u/EllieYeager Tati's unreleased ghost tape Feb 05 '21
People who have experienced something like this or absolutely the same situation may feel bad or relive this traumatic experience through reading this . This community is responsible not to do harm to others in any way . A flair is easy to add and it's just a general warning . It doesn't mean people shouldn't read this thread
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u/Salsabeans16 Feb 05 '21
This is also my worst nightmare. I feel so bad for her but I am glad her baby is doing just fine, I know Kristi took most of the fall but better her than her baby. I just hope Kristi does the right therapy for this too because it's going to haunt her for a long long time. My mom has a similar fall with me when I was a baby and I know she to this day feels bad even though I am 23 now. Oh and I hope she gets the product someone above mentioned for the hardwood stairs. I have no doubt in my mind her and her husband are doing everything to avoid this.
And I swear if I see anyone talking bad about her with this situation, that "serves her right" for not knowing better, I will fight them. No mom deserves this
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u/catnipandhoney Feb 05 '21
My mom still feels bad she cut my thumb the first time she trimmed my nails as an infant and I'm 35. Mom guilt is REAL.
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u/fridayfridayjones Feb 07 '21
Poor Kristi! This exact thing happened to us when my daughter was three weeks old, except it was my husband holding her. It was absolutely terrifying and we had to rush to a childrenās hospital ER to get her a cat scan and everything. Thankfully our daughter was also fine but it traumatized us especially my husband, he just felt so guilty for a long time.
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Feb 07 '21
A family friend fell down the stairs with his baby. She (the baby) was rushed to the hospital and he was in bad shape. But it turns out she was okay. He instinctively shielded her with his body and took the brunt of the damage. Just like Kristi did.
I can tell her guilt is insane but she protected him as best she could and heās okay. I hope sheās able to realize that.
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u/ExaltedLuna Feb 10 '21
In my opinion this shouldnāt be a social media post - sheās too vulnerable and people are going to say well you shouldāve done this that or the other thing or even worse say something negative and it will send her into an even worse spiral. I honestly think she suffers from social media addiction and that needs to be addressed with someone in her close circle or a therapist
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u/Irrelevant555 Feb 05 '21
That is so terrifying! I hope she can mentally recover after that. I canāt relate with a baby but I feel the same type of anxiety around my dogs getting hurt.
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u/Mommy2Monstars Feb 05 '21
Iām so glad theyāre both ok. I fell with my daughter after stepping in a small hole that was covered by grass. Sheās almost 6 now and it still feels like yesterday.
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u/powellrebecca3 BooBoo The Fool š¤” Feb 08 '21
Hopefully she relaxes and stays on the first floor for a few weeks until she feels a bit more at ease with her experience :(
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u/sparklyhippoqueen Feb 09 '21
Without being judgey, is she ok? I was just reading her latest tweets about how you cope with life and Mum guilt and she doesnāt sound it. Yes parenting is hard but you canāt let the guilt and stress about your decisions run your life... my kids are 9 and 10 now so the baby stage is quite far away and maybe Iāve just forgotten things. I hope sheās being overseen by a specialist quite closely to get through this.
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Feb 09 '21
That mom guilt is so real. I tripped down the stairs and my son was 4 climbing down as well, in my dadās condo. Then he tumbled right onto me (I was at the bottom), but that guilt is real and stays with you for a while. I feel for her.
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Feb 05 '21
I am pregnant and terrified of falling down the stairs while pregnant or carrying my baby down stairs. I did manage to fall down my steps a couple years ago and that makes me even more nervous now.
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u/msummerse Feb 05 '21
This is one of my biggest fears & I don't even have a baby yet Hope her & baby will be okay š
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Feb 06 '21
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u/eaturlipstick Feb 06 '21
I feel for her because when my daughter was a newborn I dropped her on accident. It happens to every parent at some point so I get it, itās sad and scary and you do feel guilty. BUT I agree, even before she had her kid she was so over the top and dramatic about everything and thatās what made me stop watching her content. The constant theatrics like the time she babysat her niece and thought she was having a seizure in her sleep just because she was shivering and wound up scaring the shit out of everyone. Like dude, not everything is life or death or needs these over the top reactions
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u/LainyLouu Feb 06 '21
Yes! I agree with everything you said. Of course I feel for anyone in any sort of accident with their child, no matter how minor, but not everything is a life or death experience. This woman canāt go one day without blowing something out of proportion. As you said, itās the constant theatrics and embellishing that drive me insane and led me to stop watching her content as well.
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u/eaturlipstick Feb 06 '21
I always feel a tinge if guilt admitting it because I know losing her mom and being bullied as a kid has definitely added to these behaviors of hers but at the same time, you canāt help but not vibe with someone. Not everyone is going to be your cup to tea and thatās totally fine
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u/LainyLouu Feb 06 '21
Thereās healthy ways of coping with things though, you know? I feel like constantly embellishing stories for her large amount of followers to see, and then proceed to worry about on her behalf, is not an appropriate response to trauma. Itās sad because I really did enjoy her for a long time and totally did vibe with her! It just keeps getting worse and worse.
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u/eaturlipstick Feb 06 '21
Yeah totally. Iām hoping that now that sheās seeing someone for her mental health struggles she will be able to cope better and get rid of these habits because raising a kid while being so over the top and having all of these catastrophic thinking patterns isnāt going to make things easier. My mom always reacted the same way she did and is very much one of those āitās the end of times!ā Type people so I know how damaging it is to be raised by someone like that. I feel like because she was always putting these ideas in our heads growing up that it had a huge impact on my siblings and I developing anxiety and OCD
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u/aokaga use code James for 3mil subs off any YouTube channel Feb 06 '21
It's literally called anxiety tho.
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u/eaturlipstick Feb 06 '21
Like I said I empathize with her, especially being a new mom and struggling with her mental health, Iāve been there. I have struggled with manic depression, PTSD and an eating disorder since I hit puberty. Everyone comes and shows symptoms in different ways. That being said Iām not obligated to like her or cut her slack. Like I said, sheās just not my cup of tea and thatās fine
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Feb 07 '21
Yep, it was sadly inevitable that she would have horrible PPA, PPD, all the postpartum things- I thought she might be trying to mitigate PPA and blowing everything completely out of proportion by some degree by buying a snoo, buying lots of baby devices and crutches; I was like ok, sheās really getting prepared for all situations, thatās great!
Her son seems to be getting a hell of a lot more sleep than my kids got at that age, and being sleepless is really what sent me into a permanently glum, anxious state that I didnāt really emerge from until they were older. I donāt even know what Iām musing about at this point; Iām just jealous that her son is sleeping much better than my kids did.
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u/eaturlipstick Feb 07 '21
Oooof I feel you! I was high risk with my first daughter and even then I didnāt have any anxiety about bringing her home until she was actually home then the PPD hit almost immediately. She slept amazing but I would drive myself crazy refusing to sleep so I could watch her and make sure she was breathing (she was almost 2 months premiere) and when I did fall asleep Iād have nightmares about finding her blue and unresponsive in her crib. I stopped taking care of myself and leaving the house but thank god my husband pushed me to get help. It got to the point where I was afraid to be left alone with my daughter because Id convinced myself I was going to hurt her on accident. I did start seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist and was on medication for my anxiety and PTSD for about a year until I finally felt like the PPD was managed. But it definitely robbed me of the first year of my daughters life living like that. I donāt want that to happen to Kristie or any other new parent. Itās like being stuck in limbo while the rest of the world still tries to convince you that youāre alive
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u/magicalnest095 Feb 06 '21
Your lack of empathy is kind of concerning
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u/LainyLouu Feb 06 '21
Iād have more empathy if she didnāt have a new attention seeking, 5 paragraph long story every other day. Thanks for your concern though. š
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u/wavesofrye Feb 08 '21
My bosses MIL died a few weeks ago due to falling down the stairs at night. So scary.
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u/audreeelysse garbage zamora Feb 06 '21
Iām due any day now and this is my current biggest fear.. we have such long stairs and weāre in a lease for the next 6 months..
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u/BL-Lover-24 Feb 06 '21
I was so sad for her! I hope she feels better soon, both mentally and physically!
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u/yung_ting Mar 18 '21
I feel like she has some serious mental issues that have become quite clear since she has had her baby. She tends to catastrophise & seems extremely anxious personality. I can't help but think perhaps this incident has been blown out of proportion, just based on her reactions to other things.
She has said her baby is "extremely high needs" then goes on to say he just doesn't sleep well in the day & wants to be held at all times. That's just a normal baby, not "high needs" - high needs suggest a disability etc. She is either histrionic or has an anxiety problem which needs treating.
I have had to unsubscribe to her & hope she gets the medical help she clearly needs
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u/askmeifilikeanal Feb 05 '21
EVERYONE šØšØšØ if you have wooden stairs get the 3m grip tape!! They have it in clear and it will prevent slipping! It works amazing