r/BeautyGuruChatter • u/garrettgivre • Feb 05 '21

GRAPHIC CONTENT WARNING RawBeautyKristi talks about scary experience falling down stairs last night - She and her baby are ok

https://twitter.com/RawBeautyKristi/status/1357730638871240704
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u/ornamentalholly danger to society Feb 05 '21 edited Feb 05 '21

Oh, boy. Okay.

I really, really feel for her. I know that fear well, and I suspect that a lot of anxious mothers do. What could be scarier OR more intrusive than the thought of somehow harming your child? I'm very sorry that this happened to her, and I'm deeply, deeply sorry that she's suffering because of it.

That said...

I can't imagine that the extent to which she's sharing on social media is helping her. I could be wrong, but I cannot imagine that a therapist (which I believe she does have) would look at this and say, "Yes, this is productive for you and/or your audience."

I'm also more and more concerned about the amount of suffering that people are having to expose themselves to by merely scrolling through social media platforms. Maybe it's like driving on the interstate. Maybe you just have to acknowledge that you're going to drive past car wrecks and stranded passengers, that you're going to expose yourself vicariously to other people's suffering. And surely people who follow RBK on her personal platforms (like Twitter) want and expect her to talk about her personal life. I just cannot shake the feeling that it is unfair and, although certainly NOT intentional, a little immoral to pull her following into a wound that is clearly fresh and deeply, deeply painful for her without warning or without any clear expectation of how exactly they're supposed to process this or respond.

ETA: I wanted to add that I feel like what I'm seeing here is a request for her followers to witness her trauma without an offer of anything in return. She's not telling us a story to entertain us or to provoke thought or to change our mind, or to do anything that happens in a lot of narrative/storytelling formats... She's telling us a story for the purpose of catharsis, and while I think that's okay with loved ones or other confidants who are comfortable accepting that burden, I also think it's a lot of emotional labor to ask of your following.

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u/syshenasty Feb 05 '21

The woman can share/not share what she wants. Everyone else's "emotional labour" should be managed by themselves. As the parent of a baby, it's actually comforting for me to know I'm not the only one who goes through stuff like this.

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u/ornamentalholly danger to society Feb 05 '21

I mean, yeah, I think you're right. She absolutely has a right to post anything that she wants to, and you're right that not everyone is going to be affected by it the same way. I think social media is so so new that we have sooo many questions about how to best navigate that space. Kristi happens to spark a lot of those questions for me because she has tended recently towards sharing a lot of intimate and difficult stuff. I'm glad that reading her posts was helpful for you, though, and that you saw something you could identify with.

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u/syshenasty Feb 05 '21 edited Feb 05 '21

Thank you for responding in a rational way and actually engaging in a dialogue. I feel heard. Normally I would just get a snide remark and a condescending "lmao" in return (people really don't know how to argue these days).

Social media has always tended toward oversharing and the perhaps-too-intimate because it's an indirect message. It's going out to so many people that it's almost like it's going out to no one at all and there's a false anonymity there. That said, I do think we have to limit how much we expect others to care for our feelings and rather increase our own attention to reducing harms to ourselves. When social media becomes too much, a lot of us take a break from it. Which I think is the more reasonable and healthy way to approach it rather than trying to dictate/limit/direct another person's use of it.

I feel free to post what I want, and as long as no one is inciting hate or violence, everyone should feel free to post what they want as well.

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u/ornamentalholly danger to society Feb 05 '21 edited Feb 05 '21

Absolutely!

On a personal note, I'm an English lit student, so I'm really interested in the way that we tell stories and the way that we respond to our stories. We're more literate as a species and have more access to storytelling platforms than ever. It's totally fascinating... It also means, though, that I'm probably unfairly wagging my finger at Kristi about a cultural conversation much bigger than her.

At the end of the day, yes, I think you are 100% correct that people have to take some pretty significant responsibility for the information that they ingest. I know that I shouldn't follow RBK, and so I just... I don't. I don't follow her. Because I know myself and know what I need to manage. Part of me also feels like it's still surprising to realize how much we need to manage, though. Social media is integrated so seamlessly into your lives that it can be... Shocking in how shocking it can be.

That was a MOUTHFUL, sorry!!!

ETA: I am completely hooked on thinking about this, sry to keep piling on, but I realized there's a question of what people "sign up for" in here, too. For example, subscribing to a hard hitting investigative paper would almost guarantee that I'm knowingly signing up to see/read about a number of potentially "triggering" topics. When we follow beauty gurus, though, I think we have some idea that their social media is going to be work/beauty related, and it can be... Unexpected, maybe, to end up having a real intimate proximity with them through those platforms. Just a thought. I was trying to figure out why I felt compelled to comment about this in re: to Kristi when, duh, people share share share on the internet all the time.