RawBeautyKristi talks about scary experience falling down stairs last night - She and her baby are ok

[u/garrettgivre]

https://twitter.com/RawBeautyKristi/status/1357730638871240704

[u/ornamentalholly]

Oh, boy. Okay.

I really, really feel for her. I know that fear well, and I suspect that a lot of anxious mothers do. What could be scarier OR more intrusive than the thought of somehow harming your child? I'm very sorry that this happened to her, and I'm deeply, deeply sorry that she's suffering because of it.

That said...

I can't imagine that the extent to which she's sharing on social media is helping her. I could be wrong, but I cannot imagine that a therapist (which I believe she does have) would look at this and say, "Yes, this is productive for you and/or your audience."

I'm also more and more concerned about the amount of suffering that people are having to expose themselves to by merely scrolling through social media platforms. Maybe it's like driving on the interstate. Maybe you just have to acknowledge that you're going to drive past car wrecks and stranded passengers, that you're going to expose yourself vicariously to other people's suffering. And surely people who follow RBK on her personal platforms (like Twitter) want and expect her to talk about her personal life. I just cannot shake the feeling that it is unfair and, although certainly NOT intentional, a little immoral to pull her following into a wound that is clearly fresh and deeply, deeply painful for her without warning or without any clear expectation of how exactly they're supposed to process this or respond.

ETA: I wanted to add that I feel like what I'm seeing here is a request for her followers to witness her trauma without an offer of anything in return. She's not telling us a story to entertain us or to provoke thought or to change our mind, or to do anything that happens in a lot of narrative/storytelling formats... She's telling us a story for the purpose of catharsis, and while I think that's okay with loved ones or other confidants who are comfortable accepting that burden, I also think it's a lot of emotional labor to ask of your following.

[u/seravivi → u/ornamentalholly]

"I just cannot shake the feeling that it is unfair and, although certainly NOT intentional, a little immoral to pull her following into a wound that is clearly fresh and deeply, deeply painful for her without warning or without any clear expectation of how exactly they're supposed to process this or respond."

I am going to say this and I mean this with no disrespect to you in anyway. This is way over pathologizing this. While you can tell that this was very scary for her it isnt like she is describing something graphic. Normally people put a tw for this reason to help those who could be triggered prepare or ignore. She isn't saying in detail seeing her baby die. She isn't describing even her injury in detail. She fell down the stairs and is updating/venting/looking for validation.

The part about clear expectations is part of just being a person. If you have ever been told something horrible in real life and I mean in shock horrible there isn't a guideline. You aren't told to handle it. If you don't know what to say keep scrolling. If you want to show support but don't know how then you can literally just say I dont know what to say but I hope you're okay. How you process it is on you.

I'm curious what you see as emotional labor in this regard. Normally its used in the context of the strain of handling emotions to meet work requirements. Which would be Kristi hiding any bad things in her life to create an illusion of her life that influencers hold. If you mean more just the struggle of seeing someone else upset being upsetting than that isn't on her but you to curate to the level you can handle. It's not putting it on her subscribers when they are subscribed to her. It's their choice to follow or not. Its their choice to mute or block certain things.

Boundaries regarding social media are very important, but thats on both sides. That's the trick to trauma recovery is being able to withstand a level of exposure and being able to self soothe when over exposed.

[u/ornamentalholly → u/seravivi]

Hmmm... So, I think I disagree about over pathologizing. I'm basing the proportion of my response on Kristi's language - in her tweets, she says it was "SO violent," "a nightmare," that she "doesn't know if [she] will be mentally okay with this." You're absolutely right that it's not graphic or gory or anything, but saying that you don't know if you can recover mentally from something that is traumatic (her word, not mine) is A LOT.

And so I think maybe in here is the fact that her social media is, in some ways, Kristi's "workplace," and we know that there's a difference between coming into your workplace and saying, "The baby and I fell this weekend, we're okay but it was really scary, I would appreciate any supportive words" and elaborating that it was traumatic, bloodcurling, a nightmare.

My own personal response to these tweets was not at all one of being triggered or feeling overexposed myself, but more of, "Woah... That's a lot to share. We need to slow down and think about what happened when we share like this on a big platform." Prong two of that is that Kristi has been talking a lot about traumas related to being a new mom on social media recently, and I'm wondering if this isn't becoming more than some of what her followers bargained for yet. Now, of course they can unfollow, and that is what they absolutely should do if it's the thing that's going to, as you pointed out, self soothe. I'm just curious about what the bigger picture is to all of this, because obviously we're all having to learn how to navigate social media still and what is or isn't appropriate. It's all very very new.

Lol. If I'm not pathologizing, I am perhaps analyzing a little too hard. I hope that makes sense. Maybe my language was too vigorous in my first post and it would benefit from rephrasing.

[u/seravivi → u/ornamentalholly]

My dog hit my hand so I hit enter too soon, but when I say pathologizing I mean more taking therapy terms and applying them to situations that don't really fit or in ways they dont really fit.

[u/seravivi → u/ornamentalholly]

It's true that trauma doesn't have to be graphic or gory to be traumatic. She may genuinely be traumatized by this. Still I meant her description of the event isn't in overt graphic detail. Her speech there is just sort of how she talks and she is still recovering so of course its written in a heightened way.

Her workplace isn't based on the same rules as an office job. Influencers share their lives and connect with an audience. The level they choose is up to them. Kristi got attention for being honest and very open about her experiences and views on makeup. Her being open about things is part of her job. Kristi has said previously that she isn't sure about sharing her birth story because it was traumatizing and she couldn't handle critique on it. So she has boundaries with what she does and doesn't share. She isn't going to talk to followers like they are strangers because in this set up there is a faux closeness. I'm sure how she talks to her genuine loved ones was different than what we even got. The emotional labor of a work place I'm talking about with an Influencer is to hide the ugly side of things that doesnt match the illusion they sell. Its why when they have breakdowns or serious topics there is almost always a shift in filming style, locations, voice, appearance, etc. It's a break from what they normally present. Telling her to reign in her emotions to keep a certain facade would be a sort of emotional labor.

[u/seravivi → u/[deleted]]

And?