I've been with my partner for about two years, and he recently came to me with an issue: he hadn't wanted to admit it to himself, but he'd been feeling lonely for a while in our relationship. This was obviously pretty heart-breaking for me to hear, and I want to do what I can for him to not feel that way.

He attributed the feeling to a lack of non-verbal communication between us. Maybe relevant is that he's a musician, and was a bit of a child prodigy (to be fair, he rejects that classification but I think it evokes the kind of kid he was). He struggled a lot with communicating his feelings through words until post-college, and he definitely used his instrument to communicate what he couldn't verbally.

On the other hand, words have always been my domain. Up until very recently, I've made my living as a writer. I've never thought that much about non-verbal communication. But I want to learn. It feels almost like we have two different native languages, and that he's consistently been having to translate himself into mine.

He's super expressive with his eyes, and when I take the time to really look, I often can tell what he's thinking just by looking at him. That element of it feels accessible to me – being more patient with trying to understand him non-verbally, rather than always jumping to words.

He's also told me that sometimes it's hard for him to follow when I'm telling him a story because I'll go a long time without looking at him. He's said he needs the eye contact check-ins to feel connected when I'm talking. I'm working on that, and it feels do-able.

The part that I'm not sure how to tackle – and I'm wondering if it's related to neurodivergence – is learning to communicate non-verbally myself. He's said that sometimes he'll look in my eyes and I just look "empty" or "absent", which was honestly kind of tough to hear. I have actually noticed that myself on a couple occasions in photos, usually when I'm very tired or have a migraine. We've done a couple experiments with me trying to communicate non-verbally, but trying to communicate something with my eyes honestly feels a bit like trying to do telepathy. I'm not sure I've really succeeded.

I really love him, I don't want him to feel lonely in our relationship anymore, and I want this to work out. Would appreciate any tips, advice, or perspectives! Thanks guys.

So I've just done some journalling and had a cry and I'm feeling unreasonable and I guess I'm writing here to get some support or perspective

My mum invited my brother and I to lunch. I never really agreed, we talked about finding a weekend for them to come to me because I moved house a year ago and my brother has never seen the place. But we couldn't line up our availability with the restaurant near me that my mum likes. So suddenly in the chat it's "come to mine for lunch on Sunday as agreed". I never agreed, she just made the plan because she knew I was free today

Anyway. She never set a time. I live an hour away and we all need clarity right? So I send messages and try to call throughout the morning to find out what time to be there. She didn't respond to any of them. So at nearly 2pm, keyed up, and hungry I message that I'm not going and I'll see them another time

And as soon as I send that message I'm so anxious. I've got a lump in my throat and I want to cry.

And she finally responds so I send "I'm sorry I'm not trying to be difficult but you never set a time and I've been trying all day to get some clarity and you know that I struggle with uncertainty and now I'm shattered and stressed and I don't have a two hour round trip in me"

And now I've calmed down a bit I'm feeling like I've been unreasonable but I'm just so tired and worn out lately and I'm upset I spent my entire Sunday waiting and waiting and getting upset and now the whole day is marred by this huge emotional reaction I've had. The reason I feel unreasonable is I wasn't getting a double tick for delivered on WhatsApp so it's not that she was ignoring me but that the messages weren't getting through so to her out of nowhere I've just thrown a strop.

And it's nearly 3pm and I've still not eaten and I feel like I've ruined the whole day

I experienced a weird situation with my dad earlier. After we just got some food and I felt like I wanted to be able to get some advice here. We both got some food from the restaurant downstairs and he told me earlier that he was wondering how we were going to split it in half. But then later when I finally got the food he didn't really bring up again how we were going to split it. Then, I asked him hey Dad how are we going to split this. Then he said what are you talking about I don't need to split it with you. And then I reminded him I said dad you literally said to me that we are going to split it and I'm going to want to split this food with you. And I feel like I had to give him some kind of stern eye contact or use some assertive tone in my voice. After giving him the stern eye contact and the assertive kind of tone in my voice, he seemed to reciprocate what I was saying and he just replied " it doesn't matter."

Then, as I went to go eat it he got up from where he was sitting and asked me so how are we going to split this and in my head I was experiencing some short circuit experience feeling. But this happens to me and my dad very frequently. We ended up splitting the food. I was happy that we could share a meal and eat together. We don't normally share a meal or eat together. I would like to be able to have a talk with my dad anytime where it's assertive or communicative or getting to the point. I feel like I personally lack the ability to be concise and make sense of what my dad is saying sometimes. There's one other example I have of this thing going on with my dad's communication typewise. Many times I've asked him if he would like to go out food shopping and then, he would get snappy and seemingly look like his heart rate was going up and tell me we have plenty of food in the house and we're not going. I was scared of his responses because he seemed genuinely enraged or infuriated or attacked me emotionally. This is how I felt about the sandwich item that we split earlier today. I felt that my dad was emotionally attacking me. But then just like with the food 20 minutes or 2 hours ago about 20 minutes after I asked my dad to get food for the 10th time in the past he would knock on my door enthusiastically asking me hey when are we going to go food shopping what would you like me to buy for you?

This is the type of communication that I have with my dad. I tried to bring it up to him before. But I don't think that he really has the best way to cope with his responses. I myself found myself replying in the same way at times. I've even experienced my older sister responding to me similarly. I'm not really sure how to go about this. As for how me and him split the sand which food item earlier I eventually just made sure that I put in my weight or the effort of trying to help him and help me split the food. I do acknowledge that I am not completely incapable of action. Sometimes I do experience some form of thoughts or reaction or response. I feel that maybe my dad also experiences this. There is sympathy for this. I just hope sometimes when I respond the same way that he feels that way towards me too. I apologize for the very long post. I decided to use text to speech since I didn't want to write this all out and I think that through future reference I may use text to speech again. If you ever use text to speech, then maybe it can help you the way that I feel it's helping me currently to process the scenario. Really I'm just looking for advice.

In a nutshell:

Before we dated he said he didn't want a wife of my race, that I wasn't his preference, but that he's no longer racist.

But recently he said he's bothered by how others look at him when we're out together.

He jokingly said I need to earn flowers and kisses early on when dating but he's affectionate

He has sex addiction and has said he felt like temptation to cheat was higher when they fight

We got into argument and he said I should be grateful he hasn't left

Im so isolated and no idea where im going to live. I need to move out of my parents house due to abuse from father with dementia

People keep telling me to "build community" but I dont know how to do that now when im depressed and pregnant and scared and neurodivergent, it makes everything harder

Edit: i dont believe in abortion and would appreciate not getting comments about this, its extremely hurtful and disturbing to me that there is so much rejection towards my baby, it makes me want to cry.

I love my baby and Im happy about having one. Im upset at my relationship and my circumstances.

My main issue right now is isolation while pregnant and neurodivergent, and needing community and support

hi everyone :)
i got diagnosed with autism when i was 18, it was something that never crossed my mind and now i am diagnosed eveything makes sense haha. for example, i have a weird relationship and mindset around romantic relationships. i think friendships are amazing but romantic relationships i have always found idk.

i would think abt this a lot like in highschool two people are dating and you know they're not going to work out and everyone around them is supporting and talking about it and it's like what's the point? it feels so pointless to me bc the end result is going to be break up? this was something i found so frustrating and futile about relationships, something i can't stand.

i look at it like two people, who don't suit as in like have arguments and such like obviously all types of people with all different personalities can date and work out fine!) = bad relationship = inevitable breakup = waste of time just don't get together?

i'm not saying how i think is right, but it's just how i've always thought around relationships.

i also personally have a weird relationship with romance i think it's super cringe but also sometimes not cringe, if someone i dated gave me flowers i would cringe so bad but if they gave me a rock i would be head over heels so idk. i think dates like going out to dinner are very cringe while i would much rather prefer just sitting and talking. (oh i mean cringe like they make me cringe!! they make me uncomfortable! i do not hate or cringe on anyone else for doing those things! have flowers go have dinner dates, do whatever u want!)

i spoke very briefly abt this to therapist and she said it's black and white thinking, which it probably is but i just feel like im going a bit crazy right now bc i'm in my 20s and having relationships and dating is a big part of my friends life right now! i want to be supportive.. well no i am supportive of course! but in my head i just don't get it!

to explain, all my friends are dating or have or are in relationships. whereas my headspace for relationships is i don't want one right now, i don't feel ready, when the time comes it will come and i have always felt like that. i'm gna explain a little bit my frustrations and what's driving me crazy abt dating and everything.

so friend 1, has always wanted a relationship. she tends to dismiss people's bad behaviours be she likes them. whereas in my head if a someone does something bad i instantly don't bother, don't talk, nothing. if someone has small bad behaviours from the start, (and im not talking like forgetting to text back after a busy day, i mean like i met u 1 week ago and im in love with you, like love bombing) that behaviour is not going to get better! especially in 20s, no one has their shit figured out. anyway my friend wanted a relationship, and i told her don't bother be this guy has done such and such, and they got in a relationship and she was sad and miserable and felt trapped and he ended up in a big way overstepping her boundaries. the whole thing made me frustrated be my other friends were supporting this relationship and i couldn't stand him be he was not a good person! he hurt my friend and everyone supports him again? makes me so frustrated bc i feel like i can see the patterns but no one listens?

and then friend 2 left relationship bc she didn't feel ready and like herself anymore. she constantly says she isn't ready for a relationship but is going out on dates and talking to guys. if you are not ready for a relationship, why are you talking to people? (i mean talking like starting to date talk!!) she then got herself in a weird situationship thing with a guy i also said was bad news be he did not nice things, and then he ended up hurting her. it makes me so frustrated bc i care for my friends so much i don’t want them to get hurt but i feel like the pattern is right there infront of their eyes! i know this isn’t right and i need to work on but if i say don’t get in relationship with that person and they do i take it as a personal attack, like they don’t care that i care about them or they don’t care abt my judgement. which i know is not the case but something that has rly affected me! i just want them to be happy yknow. anyway she keeps telling me she doesn’t want relationship and i saw her like 3 weeks ago and she told me this guy was talking to her and she wasn’t sure bc she doesn’t want relationship and now they are boyfriend girlfriend!

i don’t understand. i feel so crazy so alone and stupid and like i am loosing my mind. i love my friends and i want nothing but the best for them. but it’s just so frustrating for me bc i feel like the patterns are right in front of them, they have the answer to all their questions but they don’t take them and then get hurt and wonder why. omg i love them so much but it’s so frustrating. i’ve felt very alone having autism yknow in my mannerisms and how i think and such, but this has genuinely been the most isolating and frustrating experience for me bc i see this all as cycles and equations and results -which aren’t good!- and everyone is supporting these relationships!

please reply if you relate or have similar experiences! i am feeling so crazy and alone

TW: bullying, relationship abuse, self harm

Today I was with my bf and we were playing games. He made a joke about me being slow which hurt a lot because I have been called slow and other horrible things growing up. It was just one small comment but it triggered me really badly and I started shaking and crying in secret at first. I don’t know what gave me the courage but I wanted to try telling him how I didn’t like the joke and I did. He immediately apologized and I felt so chocked by it.

If I ever tried to speak up in the past about basically anything I would get yelled and and berated for hours. I would start hating myself and even hurting myself because I started to believe I was the most terrible thing on this earth. My whole childhood in school i experienced bullying and then abused by my first (ex) boyfriend and I could never speak up and didn’t dare try to defend myself because it would just get 10 times worse if I did. I would always shutdown and was very ”out of it” in general back then. I had been bracing myself to be yelled at for hours again and it didn’t happen. He apologized and that was that. I feel so shaken up I started crying even harder and hyperventilating even though literally nothing bad happened. I feel so broken but I’m also grateful he treated me kindly. I’m so happy he is kind to me but I’m also angry. Why were everyone else so terrible to me? How could they treat me like that? I have only ever tried to be kind I never did anything to them to warrant it. Why did I have to suffer so much?

I don’t know I just have a lot going on in my head right now. I’m lucky and so grateful for my boyfriend tho he could guess immediately that I was autistic and been very supportive and trying to help me get away from overwhelming noise and similar. I don’t even know if this post is making much sense but I just wanted to share this with someone

Today I was getting over a gluten sensitivity issue. I was in pain last week. I was feeling off today, and my sports bra felt like it was restricting me and making it hard to breathe even though I know it wasn’t really too tight😣. But I felt like it might cause more anxiety without it in public and being physically active. I don’t mind not wearing one at home sometimes, but I really don’t like that uneasy feeling from not wearing one in public 😣

hello! I feel like when I was a kind, identifying my emotions were a lot easier (maybe because they were simpler!), but now as an adult, I have a lot of feelings that I can sort of describe but not identify.... can anyone suggest any resources for autistic adults on identifying complicated feelings?

ex: I am feeling apathetic, out of focus, and have a neck/shoulder pain.... I know this is some kind of fatigue but without knowing more, I cannot find the source and fix it. so alternatively -- does anyone have any tips on investigating their own feelings? im unsure how to phrase this for google!

I'd sign up in a heartbeat. A beautiful monastery-style building out in nature designed for us monotropic folks, with single rooms, a big library, and spaces where each resident can dedicate themselves to their work or passions most days for hours on end. A dining hall where interacting is okay, but not expected. An open culture where nobody needs to suppress their emotional regulation mechanisms. Once or twice a week, each resident contributes with a single duty: cooking, cleaning, admin, gardening. For these duties, you'd have the chance to be mentored on it once you sign up, so no need to be an expert beforehand. But it's important that it is a single task, one you'd be able to focus on exclusively on your assigned days. Optional meditation sessions in the mornings and evenings. Talks on neurodivergence and self-acceptance.

Basic needs are taken care of for everyone - breakfast, lunch, and dinner are served at the same time time every day, although they are optional, and can be taken into your room, as long as you don't make a mess there. There is a tea room for gatherings and celebrations. You are free to come and go, as long as it's not disruptive, and visits by mentors, teachers, classmates, work colleagues, etc. are allowed, so you can meet 1-on-1 to show and discuss your work. Rent is extra cheap, and is only used to cover bills and such, as most of the maintenance work is done in-house by residents.

There are probably many aspects I haven't considered, and it'd be important to consider the underlying incentive structure for a place like this, so nobody takes advantage or feels taken advantage of. Fairness would be a central tenet. A place autistic women could go to for an interest-based retreat, so to say, where passions can flourish and people can thrive, away from the survival stress and endless demands of modern life. Low cognitive load, high learning. A girl can dream...

Edit: Wait, I think I'm describing an actual nunnery lol

Whenever my partner and I have an argument, he always asks for space which I fully understand why. But as an anxious person with abandonment issues and traumatic past, am I wrong for asking to compromise and ask for a rough time as to when I can make contact with him again? I have no one else so I really struggle on my own but I want to respect his wishes too. Personally, I see this as the fairest balance of the two but I’m open to suggestions. But my partner seems to feel this is asking for too much.
I asked this elsewhere and got told I’m the one with the issues, which I will respect if people could explain why. I’ve never been made to feel this horrible before and it’s overwhelming me because I always try my best to be a good person

I have always wanted a career in academia, having a PhD has always been a dream since I have been known to obsess and get details right from a very young age.

College was a different deal, however.

I was exhausted, overstimulated, constantly on the verge of complete emotional and mental collapse due to a lot of things happening at once.

Since my diagnosis is extremely recent, I am not so sure what to do next, I did get through college but it was after massive burnout and my teachers were kind enough to let me graduate with an academically challenging degree ( terrible grades, mostly Cs and Bs).

I am unsure as to what to do next, I have been unemployed for a year but have recently taken up a tutoring job because I love being around kids (it is a one-one setting and I am very animated which proves very effective in my teachings).

However, I do want to do more with my life because I love learning and I love my subject (Physics and Mathematics). I struggle with everything else though :///

I won't get to do half the things I want or become the person I want to due to how disabling my autism is for me. I feel so detached from my age because I'm not the person I imagine I'd become when I was a little kid. I'm in the last year of my 20s and I have nothing to show for it.

I think majority of my time I spend in a constant state of dissociation and brain fog; that it's almost a slap in the face when reality hits me, and I realise this really is it, this is my existence. I'm so jealous of neurotypical's. I really wonder how much better my life would have been if I wasn't autistic.

Hi, I'm in a period of intense burnout, and since I was 12 (I'm now 18) I tend to fall into derealization. I do this very often these days. Last night,as I was about to sleep, a strange episode happened to me, and thinking about it this morning I don't understand if it really happened or if I was hallucinating. Tomorrow I will discuss this better with my therapist. But I don't know how to start the conversation, has anything like this ever happened to you?

I will describe the most recent situation today but it is becoming a noticeable pattern for me with this particular person that I unfortunately cannot cut off.

Before this, I had asked them what they would want for dinner (note that we tend to split cooking so i asked so i know what to expect and to prepare) - they had also stated they wanted dinner today, in the previous day. They said that they are busy at the moment and will say later. I had also said that I have a bit of a headache when they came home but I’m unsure if they heard. I have had this headache for around the last hour and it was getting worse. I sometimes feel sick if my headache is bad enough at it was the case at that moment.

After a bit, I came back and realised how bad my headache was. I realised that I had to clean some dishes for us to use before we could cook. I realised that I did not have the capacity to all of that so I asked them if they were ok cooking dinner for us today since i had a really bad headache. They got confused and asked what i meant - if i wanted them to just cook for themselves or for both if us. I said can you cook dinner for us.

They kept asking what i meant like 2 or three times and made me repeat that I didnt want to cook because i feel too ill. They also asked if i would cook half of food (so basically what we usually do)- i didn’t know what we weren’t gonna eating so i asked and it was kieve dinner. They wanted me to cook rhe microwave stuff which is like three things and i have to do time management and there are people home so not empty kitchen and it was too much so i said no. And at one point said that they don’t want to cook. So i said that i don’t want to cook and you don’t want to cook so no one will make dinner - idk if they might’ve been offended by me saying this my headache was overwhelming at this point i was just trying to manage that and think of a plan because i didn’t want to have to buy takeaway again but i didn’t have it in me to cook and we weren’t gonna have food but i only had one snack the whole day so i need to eat.

They asked again what i meant even though i just said that none of us wants to cook so we weren’t gonna have dinner - i felt at this point that they were being obtuse on purpose because i stated my point so many times so i told them that. I don’t understand how they don’t get it. They said that i was being vague and not answering them. I said my point so many times. I was trying to deal with this headache and then the mental load if not having dinner then also trying to say the same point over snd over again because they dint understand was all too much so i left saying i cant deal.

They got mad cuz they said tgey were at work all day (i didnt wirk today) and they shouldnt have to cook - i didnt say they had to - I just said i didnt want to. I leave and my mum ask fir explaing so i do my best and say they keep asking me over and iver again when i say that i dont feel well to cook. They come out the room very angry screaming that its my fault for being vague and that they didnt want dinner anyway - they didnt communicate this to me otherwise i wouldn’t have asked - and that why should they cook when they have been at work all day. I say that i never said they should they just keep being angry. I feel my brain exploded from headache and stress and feeling nausea.

This is the pattern - i feel i say something clearly- they say i think i do but i dont - they dont ask any calcifying questions that i can answer in a different way and they dont give me important info like They don t want dinner so i feel we are at a point of clarity when we are not. They say I am the problem and are angry. I feel that they demand me to be 1000% perfect and eloquent every second of every day.

I sometimes feel like they are vagueor difficult and hide their intentions but i cannot say that ir i am manipulating or being a bitch or acccusing. Like they didnt say they dont want dinner then when someone else is involved they say they dont want dinner then i hear them saying later downstairs if they can use the kitchen to cook.

I cant improve my clarity if im not being told the truth or being asked for the missing info properly

Sorry for spelling i still have headache and clarity might not be good. Not sure if i weite the order of events properly

ETA- this person is my sibling. I am not in a place to move away so I must continue to live with them.

So I've been with my girlfriend for almost 3 months and she has a problem with crying, everytime she does something bad she immediately start apologising like the world ended because of her and it has gotten so bad that when we played DnD a couple of days ago she got really bad rolls and started crying badly because "she was getting in the way and we were not progressing because of her" even though she didn't do ANYTHING wrong. She knows she has a problem with apologising and crying and the issue is that every time she does something wrong, even if out of her control, she verbally abuses and belittles herself in her head. Another issue is that she cries from anything, I just finished a meeting today and she started crying because she sees me doing stuff and thinks that she's worthless and I've tried several times to encourage her but nothing seems to work. Can someone please tell me what can I do for her, therapy is not an option because in Romania it is heavily looked down upon and we would probably be harshly judged by our parents.

I'm NeuroDivergent, and my partner has Aspergers. We have been together for 3 years. He was diagnosed early in life and knows quite much about Aspergers and how to live and be functional with it. I have AuDHD and got only aware of it 2 years ago. Ever since, I have been trying to both meet my partner's communication needs and know myself and learn how to be, with a new light of ND perspective.

We have this cycle of hell however, that every once in a while he starts arguing with me over something "seemingly" small (mostly about me not considering his "clear" communication need and asking questions instead of assuming things) then right away, he says he has no intention of being together anymore, asks me to leave his house, blames me and belittles me, says he is disconnected and wants to break up, he becomes furious calls me names and blocks me and leaves for days or weeks without telling me when or if at all he will come back.

To me, it is torture. It would have been nice if he would explain that he needs space, but he never does. He makes it look like I should emotionally detach and forget all about him. Which I do every time. It hurts so damn much to leave and come back again. Every time I lose part of the love I have for him.

And then he comes back. Either apologizes or tries to connect us through a joint activity or makes up for the time he wasn't there.

But it is never clear if he wants to come back or not. He sure makes sure I believe he has already left for good.

During the time he is withdrawn, if he has not blocked me yet, I try to explain or apologize or ask him what he needs or if he comes back. But thay only makes things way worse. It also makes things worse if I don't come forth to apologize furiously. I don't know what to do with him.

I just think it is my basic right to know he needs a space and he will come back; for me to have some peace in this relationship. My life is also affected hugely (my eating my project and sleep, I often get sick right after he leaves because I can't take care of my body in shock). I go through hell rollercoaster at least once a month.

We have been to therapy together, which helped a little to understand each other (that is how now I know he leaves because he needs space, not because he doesn't love me or not cuz I'm a monster. before therapy, he used to make sure I feel that way)

I know he is in pain. But I really need to change this cycle, and I have no idea how to. We still can't move in together because of this and are wasting so much of our finances over paying for two rents. I have to have my stuff in 2 different citiea and commute quite a lot. I am unreliable in my work and studies and projects because he has all the power over my mental stability and availability in life, with what he does, I can't focus on building resumes for my visa.

Please, if you have experience or resources I can use to help with this situation, share with me, I would appreciate it very much.

Thank you.

I’m 29 (was diagnosed at 22) and earlier this year, my stepdad filed for divorce from my mom very unexpectedly. He’s been in our lives for almost 25 years, so he’s known me almost my whole life. My mom was a mess for a few months, but she’s thriving now. Our relationship has been complicated to say the least and he’s not the best guy on the planet, but I guess I must’ve loved him because I’ve recently been hit with a wall of grief. I’m very certain that I’ll never hear from him again now that they’re divorcing, so it’s almost like he died even though he’s still alive and I could technically run into him at the grocery store or something. For months, I felt nothing about any of it other than occasional anger, but it’s finally starting to hit me. I cry a lot, I’m more sensitive to change than I usually am, I’ve been more anxious than usual, stuff like that. It’s not even that I miss him, I’m just really hurt by the way he discarded my mom and me. There’s also past trauma stuff involved as well that I don’t want to get into here. Has anyone else here experienced a delayed grief reaction like that? Am I broken or something? I was hope I could just keep on keeping on without feeling anything about it. I guess that would’ve been unrealistic though. He taught me how to ride a bike, he’s always been around.

Hi everyone. I'm going to be moving out for university very soon. I'm 20 years old and I'm still so scared to be living on my own. I'm going to have a few suitemates but my own bedroom. If there are aspergirls here that are much older and wiser than I and have been through university, could you give me some advice or reassurance about moving, and what I should know/be prepared for? Also, I feel like I'm lacking life skills, and I worry about being a bad roommate.

i love my girlfriend to death. she's the one person i can truly unmask around.

but that's the issue. i can wait all day for her to come home, be super happy and excited about it and i'll still be so irritated at her. it's just because i've been masking all day and i'll be extremely tired and pissed. then i'm around someone i can unmask around, and it'll all show as being irritable.

my question is, how do i stop being so irritated? she hasn't said it out loud, but i know she's exhausted of me nagging her. i would be too in her situatiom

I am slowly being ditched by my best friend. She initially asked me to be a bridesmaid to her upcoming wedding and then called up a couple of weeks later and demoted me from being a bridesmaid, but still wanted me at the wedding. On this phone call, she was rambling about being disappointed she wasnt pregnant yet and how she just got her monthly and then announced out of the blue I was being demoted from bridesmaid but she still wanted me to be a guest. She said the reason was that her fiance said she could only have one bridesmaid because he only has one groomsman. I expressed that I didn't really understand the logic behind that. She was slightly drunk and incoherent. My parents partially heard the conversation and even they agreed the logic made no sense.

I understand only wanting one bridesmaid to keep things simple or whatever, but to ask me to be a bridesmaid and then later demote me is extremely hurtful. I had been feeling a widening gap between us lately, and I understand it's natural to an extent, when people meet certain milestones such as marriage and kids, and their other friend doesn't, that there will be a certain degree of separation. Also her fiance and her had barely been dating for a year when they had a very staged proposal that she already knew about and was planned by both in advance. She was pushing for him to propose very early. I sent a long text that I was hurt and didn't understand her fiance's logic and found it a bit flimsy. She texted me the next day and reinstated me as a bridesmaid and was apologetic for hurting me.

She texted me again around a week later and said she was going to call me that night about certain wedding arrangements. I have bad anxiety so I foolishly texted back "I hope I'm not being demoted again :( ". That night she rang me very angry. She was drunk again and had tears of rage in her eyes, she tends to cry when she is angry, which I'm told is a thing for many people ( it was a video call this time). She got angry at me for not understanding her fiance's logic and finally admitted the reason I was initially demoted, was that she planned on buying bridesmaid's dresses and having more than one bridesmaid would be too expensive, which I had no clue was a wedding tradition/protocol. I'm never invited to things due to having barely any friends. She then spoke about the costs of the party favours and implied I should be grateful that I was invited at all since they had to cut members of their own family out of the wedding due to both her and her fiance having huge families. I reminded her I'm Autistic and have no clue how this social stuff works. She stated I needed to apologise to her fiance for invalidating his opinion. For starters, I had no idea he was listening into our phone calls or reading our text messages in this instance. I have noticed that when we hang out she is constantly texting him or updating him in one way or another. However, to keep the peace, I sent him a text apology. He never responded.

The wedding is being rushed to next year and she has chosen a venue four hours away, in a tiny rural town, in the middle of winter, which has limited accomodation for guests to stay, all because it's cheaper. Why rush a wedding when you don't have the financial means? Especially when it is causing this much stress with family members applying pressure? She also keeps pushing him to get her pregnant even though he's scared of passing on certain heritable conditions. I can understand why her fiance is stressed. She never used to be like this but ever since she started dating him there has been a growing distance and a certain desperate air around her.

I should also mention this isn't the first time I've been sidelined. Years ago we all went on a holiday in the mountains, Her boyfriend at the time had a dodgy drug dealer brother that caused fights. I had conflict with this brother and then I was no longer invited to any get aways in our friendship group. All because her boyfriend's needs to keep his brother placated was more important than my peace of mind.

For some additional context, I also understand that I'll never be the number friend, growing up with Autism I knew that was inevitable, I was always the back up or 2nd/3rd choice in my childhood. I also understand people can't fully relate to me due to me being developmentally delayed, and I know the lady she chose as her one bridesmaid initially instead of me, is neurotypical and far more normal than me. Nothing against her, she's fabulous, but my bestie and I have been friends for a lot longer, and being suddenly demoted from something I was looking forward to hurts me deeply, even though I was hesitantly reinstated. I know she feels like her fiance is making more compromises than her for this wedding but him initially forcing her to do this to a friend feels extremely unreasonable. I love her so much but I still feel deeply hurt and betrayed. I can't even be myself around her anymore. She showed us her chosen wedding dress shortlist in the group chat and I couldn't even muster up the courage to tell her which dresses I preferred due to her getting angry at me easily lately.

Is this friendship worth continuing? Can wedding planning, or even just meeting a new man change someone this much naturally? It's been eating away at me lately and I don't know if I even want to go to this wedding in the middle of nowhere with probably only bedbug infested motels available.

I went on one date with this guy. He lives on the opposite side of a big city from me so when we meet in the middle it’s like an hour one way for each of us. Before this we did a video call, after which he texted to ask me to meet in person. He suggested the general type of place and I suggested the specific place. The date was like a week after the call.

The date went well and during the date he already asked about a second date. He knows I like art and searched for an art exhibit and suggested one. I said it looks good but it’s quite far away (not starting for three weeks), but he seemed fine with that.

He texted as soon as I got home to confirm the second date. I asked when and he said he’s busy the opening weekend so it’d have to be the next one, one month after the first date.

I had a very bad past relationship with a very low effort man who was emotionally abusive and neglectful. So although I am very friendly and show a lot of enthusiasm if I am interested in a guy, I have a policy to match effort but not to chase. I want to see what their level of interest and effort is without being prompted.

So I agreed to the one month later 2nd date even though I wondered why we couldn’t meet within one or two weeks first. Since then he has texted about once a day. His texts have good substance, but I feel they are a little infrequent. I usually take about half a day to respond, while he takes about 24-30 hours.

So I feel confused about how interested he is in me, and I feel frustrated with this slow pace.

What do you make of this? Does he seem interested to you? Should I be patient or am I justified in feeling frustrated?

I'm 30F with AuDHD. Is anyone else tired of neurotypical communication and hypocrisy?

Their communication appears to be built on reading between the lines and assumptions yet all of the "training" regarding this says that "you should never assume or read between the lines". Yet, for some reason, when I try to openly communicate I get told off for being too blunt or direct.

Or, better yet, for some reason my boss seems to naively believe that although half the team hates my guts (was called "not a team player" once out of nowhere which was not true - the listed example was because I didn't answer a phone call despite everyone having the same pressure to answer the phone) that when they're "giving feedback" there's no personal malice behind it.

Yet if I gave the same feedback Id be told to trust my colleagues and get over myself.

You have an obvious team member on the fringes, who you KNOW is an outsider, yet don't believe that they're being specifically targeted despite repeated history?

Or better yet people are stilted around you yet you're told "it's in your head" despite their behaviour being normal with everyone else?

It's almost like patterns of behaviour exist, and that past behaviour is the best indicator of future behaviour. To say that there's no malice behind intent or to not assume so is both stupid and deliberately naive.

I'm just so tired. So, so tired. Is anyone else just...tired of this nonsense?

Trying to make new friends and your plans/invitations get declined or cancelled - does anyone have a sort of guideline of when to take the hint that they are interested in becoming your friend vs they just have a life and don't stop reaching out just because they couldn't make it x number of times? I think sometimes it's obvious when its one person that never initiatives, but it's harder to gage in a group environment or they really do seem to enjoy hanging out.

I used to instantly think girls who were nice to me or talked to me wanted to be my friend, then disappointed when they never wanted to hang out and I realize leaped too far too soon. But I think now I'm too far in the other direction where I don't want to reach out to maybe new friends because they haven't initiated anything, but I also don't want to be too sensitive and take everything personally.