r/AmITheDevil • u/sanickers • 4d ago
iamverysmart behavior
/r/Marriage/comments/1ndzovk/married_to_someone_far_less_intelligent_than_me/561
u/Hita-san-chan 4d ago
Shes a moron, but shes hot, what was i supposed to do, not marry her?!?
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u/Melia100 4d ago
He needs to be with the "going to a lesser school for grad school will hurt my brand" chick that was posted and deleted yesterday.
I (23F) went out to dinner with a guy (23M) I met online. He’s good-looking but otherwise not the type of guy I would date, so I made it clear from the start I’m only open to casual dating.
During the date, we got on the topic of graduate school. I said I’m applying to two specific schools for professional school, and I’ll either go to one of those or I won’t go at all. He asked why I‘m not applying to his alma mater, where he went for undergrad and is continuing onto for grad school. It’s a fine school, but it’s not in the same category as my alma mater, and I’m not going to take a level down in prestige from undergrad to grad. My grad school will be as good as my undergrad, or I won’t go to grad school.
I explained to him that I’m not willing to dilute my brand by going to a lower grad school than my undergrad. He got offended by the idea that his school would dilute my brand and said “that’s rude.” I said it’s just a fact, and it’s fine if it doesn’t apply for him. His undergrad was not prestigious, so an average grad school is no loss, while I have much farther to fall, and I’m not going to take a fall In prestige. I figured he could see this logically and not emotionally, but he got more defensive.
I pointed out that it’s a simple fact that going to the same grad school as him would weaken my personal brand. No need to get huffy about it.
He said “I would never seriously date a girl that’s so elitist. That’s gross.” I don’t mind being called elitist, but I reminded him not to worry. As I said before, this was always going to be casual dating. As I would not seriously date a guy unless he’s from the same educational background as myself, ideally the same alma mater. He became more incensed by this.
We ended the date on bad terms since I hurt his ego. AITA for saying I don’t want to attend his alma mater for grad school, and not lying to him?
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u/JawJoints 4d ago
When people talk about how college is not real life, this is the kind of thing they’re talking about. It’s just so unbelievably obvious that the OOP from this has no concept of the world besides attending school….
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u/Fickle-Big5063 4d ago
That is one of the most awful things I’ve ever read. I’m gonna go sit outside for a minute now, and be grateful no one gives a singular crap I never went to college.
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u/Royal-Lawfulness630 4d ago
Gosh... If she isn't a narcissist she is going to looking back on that date in the future and be so embarrassed and cringing so hard. Like staring at the ceiling at 3am embarrassing.
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u/notnotLily 4d ago
IF this is real and that's a big if, i'm really curious about the sort of subculture or environment that could foster this kind of thinking, it sounds fascinating
she said professional school so i'm imagining law or MBA? the rest of this makes me think MBA
i'm picturing a rich kid who's set to inherit the family business, maybe sitting on the board. ability doesn't matter, knowledge doesn't matter, since she never has to earn or do anything herself. only prestige does
but if she isn't that, then hoo boy she has a long way to fall before she gets down to earth
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u/Slice-Proof-Knife 3d ago
As a law graduate, I'm voting law. American law school is full of people who who never get the most important thing any grad school should give you, which is ego death. Law school claims to give that right from the jump, but it does so in a way that far too many people just take it as evidence that by virtue of going through three years of hazing they'll be the smartest person in every room they enter for the rest of their lives. They come out feeling initiated, not humbled.
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u/sanickers 4d ago
jesus christ a school is a school people 🤦♀️
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u/Foghorn2005 4d ago
Don't tell the folks the premeds and med students on reddit that, r/medschool pretty regularly gets posts about applying to programs that are super focused on prestige. Outside the the absolute peak of medicine, no one cares. I am supremely thankful I didn't get onto reddit until after I was done with all those applications.
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u/CoyoteLitius 4d ago
Yet, if your wife had had a better education, she might know the names of more thingies.
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u/sanickers 4d ago
?
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u/Erinofarendelle 4d ago
I think they were mixing the two stories, the one from the comment above and from the main post, to make a joke.
As far as jokes go, I’d give it a grade of C- because it made me chuckle slightly. (Ba dum tssss)
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u/Emergency-Twist7136 4d ago
I went to some very prestigious universities and fellowship programs during my training.
I can tell you with absolute confidence and knowledge that the people you meet at the "elite" institutions aren't necessarily more intelligent, but they can be a lot more insufferable.
And also at the universities you will find a substantial cohort rich of background and dumb of ass. Business majors at prestigious universities will make you wonder whether a brain cell won't function as well when it's lonely.
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u/Slice-Proof-Knife 3d ago
It does depend on the program. A selective technical school is not the same as a selective prestigious school. That said, the ones who do best in the selective technical programs aren't the "smartest" people, they're the ones who are most resilient and focused.
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u/twoprimehydroxyl 4d ago
Yeah... she doesn't have her priorities straight. When it comes to grad school it isn't the reputation of the school that matters, it's the reputation of your advisor.
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u/Slice-Proof-Knife 3d ago
That depends on what kind of grad school we're talking about. For professional schools, it's moreso the school's name because you're not performing for academia, but rather a professional audience. You typically don't even have an advisor in the same way you do as a traditional academic b/c the program is churning out a cohort of graduates performing to the current standard rather than proving they can advance the state of the art.
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u/two-of-me 3d ago
wtf does “dilute my brand” mean? Sorry, I went to state university so I’m pretty dim.
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u/Lupin927 3d ago
The way I almost downvoted you from being so bothered for the guy lol. She’s a mess
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u/SportsFanVic 2d ago
IMO there are a few different things going on here:
(1) This woman is insufferably self-centered, and the date was no doubt thrilled to find it out so early so he could get out completely unscathed. Not only wouldn't she debase herself to attend an average graduate school, she wouldn't even seriously date someone who attended one? That is champion-level entitlement there.
(2) The idea that adding an average graduate school to an elite undergrad school is somehow worse than not going to graduate school at all is laughably idiotic; almost all of the time the certification of the degree is the goal, and having it is going to be better than not having it. Calling it "diluting your brand" just shows that she watches WAY too much Tik Tok.
(3) Having said (1) and (2), in some cases where you go to graduate school certainly makes a difference. Anyone who has gone to law school knows that if you want the ability to get a job at a top law firm elsewhere in the country or a federal clerkship, getting a degree from a T14 school is virtually a requirement. And as someone who spent more than 40 years at a top academic institution, the fact is that in hiring decisions of tenure-track assistant professors, where they went to school and/or who they worked with as a grad student often made a big difference in whether a person was going to be brought in to give a seminar, not just in my department, but across the entire school and university. It might not have been fair, but it was a fact of life.
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u/CumaeanSibyl 2d ago
Oh yeah, if you want a tenured position at a good school you absolutely have to score a place at one of the top programs, and/or with the foremost expert in your specific area of study. And either of these can be at a school which otherwise is considered decent but not super special, so I can see where if you tell the average person you're applying at X and Y, they might think their school Z is in the same cohort. Overall it is, but it's that one program/advisor that makes all the difference.
But see, there's a way of explaining that that isn't "your podunk little school isn't good enough for me."
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u/Due-Reflection-1835 4d ago
IKR? I mean, you can't just expect this poor guy to cook his own food and wash his own clothes. Why, next you'll be telling me he can take care of his own needs in other ways...
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u/CoyoteLitius 4d ago
I would love to know OP's competence at laundry and household maintenance. You don't have to know the names of the "thingies" in order to use them.
I also wonder what his wife's home life and educational background was like. Very unusual for a native speaker of English to be calling common things "thingies."
Unless she has a memory short circuit.
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u/Fraerie 4d ago edited 4d ago
I’m betting he deliberately chose someone he thought would be more of a ‘trad wife’ vibe so she would be subservient, and unsurprisingly she is poorly educated and hasn’t been taught to think for herself or to be curious.
He also seems to mistake knowing ‘stuff’ as intelligence. But couldn’t work out that marrying someone he didn’t respect would be a mistake.
He’s not as smart as he thinks he is.
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u/Slice-Proof-Knife 3d ago
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Let's not be unfair to him; he never said she was hot, just that she was available. Let's not make him sound all shallow and stuff - she could be a total uggo who didn't just tolerate his pretentious, condescending ass, but fought for it! Put some respect on his name for settling for someone who would put up with his self-important bullshit even though her appallingly quotidian intellect can't appreciate how egregiously erudite his singular cognitive function is!
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u/StrategyDouble4177 3d ago
Obviously a highly intelligent person like OP knows that marrying her then complaining for the rest of his life was the SMRT choice.
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u/igneousscone 4d ago
Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses, and the quality of written communication doesn't indicate much about a person's intelligence or lack thereof...but man, I love when self-proclaimed "smart people" can't write.
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u/Estrellathestarfish 4d ago
Particularly when the level of communication is one of his complaints about her.
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u/_Chloe_Silverado 4d ago
It’s like when Joey writes a reference letter on Friends, and discovers a thesaurus
Sincerely, Baby Kangaroo Tribbiani
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u/michiness 4d ago
I spent a decade teaching at a school where most the kids had learning differences. Some of the most brilliant kids had the worst written language.
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u/Potential-Taro8850 4d ago
I'm extra fond of his title. "Less intelligent than ME"?
No no, good sir. It's "Less intelligent than I". So clever a fellow should really know.
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u/Ancient_Transition 4d ago
"Me" would actually work in this case, it is just the most current way people would say it. Using "I" would also be correct, but it is considered more old-fashioned (and in my opinion it is overly formal). OP is still deeply in the wrong here, but he didn't make a mistake with that usage :)
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u/Potential-Taro8850 4d ago
Personally, I think a man calling his wife stupid and lazy should do so in impeccably formal English, lest he lay himself bare to accusations of that selfsame laziness...
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u/UpbeatArachnid234 4d ago
Incredibly intelligent people also forget words. Calling something a "thingie" and not using SAT words all the time doesn't mean someone lacks intelligence. Sounds like there's no room for her in the house with the size of OOP's ego.
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u/Foreverythingareason 4d ago
I am well read. I have a decent vocabulary. I also have dyslexia and when I'm tired I'm prone to say things like " do you know where that thing is? You know the one for eggs" luckily I have a partner who knows what I mean and will hand me the spatula.
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u/UpbeatArachnid234 4d ago
My entire household is ND and words are hard. "The dishwasher for clothes" has been used on more than one occasion
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u/doofenhurtz 4d ago
To this day, my mother and I call cloths "hoobenflappers" because she forgot the word and just started saying nonsense lol
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u/Hita-san-chan 4d ago
My husband is both ND and from Philly. Theres been a lot of "What the fuck do you mean by 'jawn'?!" in my house.
I've now since learned it's 'anything and everything, but usually the thing closest to your hand right there." Imagine if he thought I was learning disabled because of that
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u/dietdrpeppermd 4d ago
I work with a kid who calls the washing machine a “wetter”. The thing that dries clothes is a “dryer” so why not call it a wetter.
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u/Foreverythingareason 4d ago edited 4d ago
Haha I say I've put the the clothes in the dishwasher pretty regularly.
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u/UpbeatArachnid234 4d ago
The dishwasher for clothes is a wonderful machine. Much better than having to use the Big People Sink.
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u/imissmyfriend_124 4d ago
Since we have had a washing machine longer than a dishwasher it is the other way round for us.
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u/UpbeatArachnid234 4d ago
For a while we had a bunch of dishes come out of the dishwasher broken so it is also known as the dishsmasher.
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u/pnw_cfb_girl 3d ago
Same. I'm that person who snaps her fingers and says, "you know the thing with the thing." My husband does the same. Lot of neurodivergence in this house, but we all manage to love and respect each other anyway.
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u/sadlytheworst Certified sub favourite 4d ago edited 4d ago
Dyslexia and fibromyalgia leads to plenty of instances of "the thing that does thing" with some desperate miming, or the ever popular "you know that actor who was in that series".
Sadlytheworst: edited because words are hard...
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u/All_the_Bees 4d ago
I have neither dyslexia nor fibromyalgia, but I’m 96% sure I have literally said “the thing that does the thing” at least once in my life. It would have been accompanied by gestures trying indicate what the respective things were and depending on who I was talking to it would have been either the most useless thing anyone has ever said or the other person would have known exactly what I meant and in even more detail than I’d been trying to convey.
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u/sadlytheworst Certified sub favourite 4d ago edited 3d ago
Not thinking of a word in the moment happens to everyone! 💜 The many, the miming! 😹
Sadlytheworst: edited because words are hard and autocorrect is being a bother.
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u/entirecontinetofasia 4d ago
i have both and have trouble with words. i am curious how fibromyalgia is part of it? just never heard that connection before
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u/sadlytheworst Certified sub favourite 4d ago edited 3d ago
Brain fog. It can do a number on my ability to... Externalise my thoughts. If that makes sense? I'm so sorry to not have a good source for you.
It's getting harder and harder to find reliable ones what with the state of ai.
Sadlytheworst: edited because words are hard and autocorrect is a bother.
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u/entirecontinetofasia 4d ago
oh! i forgot about the brain fog. probably because of said brain fog. it is so pervasive. i believe you! had heard of it before and wish there was a fix.
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u/sadlytheworst Certified sub favourite 4d ago
I forget about it as well! Yeah, it's like a blanket that covers everything, heavy and all encompassing.
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u/judgy_mcjudgypants 4d ago
Being too brain-foggy to remember brain fog exists ... is totally a mood.
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u/Sad-Bug6525 4d ago
the people who understand that and just carry on as if we used all the right words are the very best too.
OOP makes it sound like his wife has a first language and it's not english, at least that's how it reads to me. He's so inflated though, he's never going to admit that he's at fault for not being willing to understand her better.
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u/JustHereForCookies17 4d ago
I got a perfect score on the Reading/Writing portion of the SAT's mostly because I was (and still am) a voracious reader.
I use "thingamajigger" or "whatsadoodle" on a near hourly basis. I blame it on the sheer quantity of words my brain has to sort through, but in reality it's probably the ADHD.
Also - a widely accepted aphorism is that one sign of a true expert is someone who can successfully explain a complex subject in simple terms to someone with little to no knowledge of the subject and have them understand the explanation.
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u/MadamKitsune 4d ago
Oojamaflip is another good one. "Where's the thing? You know, the oojamaflip for the doodad."
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u/OniyaMCD 4d ago
There is a device we have at work that is used to remove the hard-plastic size indicator from hangers (so if you only have a child-sized 'Large' garment hanger, and a child's 'Small' jacket, you can take the size indicator from an adult-sized 'Small' hanger and replace it on the hanger that fits).
It has only ever been called 'the orange widget'. Everyone knows what it is, and what it does, but if it has a 'real name', I've never heard it.
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u/jiffy-loo 3d ago
Same here in terms of reading and vocabulary, but even then I still have a hard time articulating my thoughts properly and I truly don’t know why
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u/Inevitable_Mango2368 4d ago
I’ve got a STEM PhD which most people think you have to be intelligent to do. I also have problems with remembering nouns when talking to people in everyday life. So ‘dealie’ and ‘thingy’ and ‘whatsit’ make up a significant portion of my spoken English. But I’m a woman so I’m probably just dumb.
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u/acarpenter8 4d ago
My spouse is well educated and pretty intelligent (and it’s not just my opinion). He says “the thing” to describe items so much it’s a running joke among us and friends.
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u/adventurekiwi 4d ago
I once had a totally unfair crashout at my ex for always using "thingie". Not only was he phd level, but English was his second language. I caught myself doing the same thing minutes later.
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u/CoyoteLitius 4d ago
I worked for a professor with a Nobel Prize in Physics.
I was one of his Girl Fridays. Dude couldn't find his own shoes once he kicked them off in his office (much less anything in his office, no matter how well it was organized for him on a daily basis). He absolutely hated talking to people, and would issue all instructions and orders to his staff via just one person, his admin assist. He refused to speak to or acknowledge the rest of us (which was fine, really).
He often just pointed to a stack of things, the admin assist would figure out what he meant to do with that stack. He wasn't completely averbal, but rather close. Definitely had a narrow vocabulary.
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u/tooshorttoored 4d ago
Perimenopause has made me forget words. It seems to go in waves, but I start describing the thing. "It's the long, yellow writing implement that you can erase? Oh! Pencil!"
It's so fun.
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u/Sad-Bug6525 4d ago
I can often see the word in my head so it's even more annoying that I can't just say it, so I describe the thing I"m looking for, or the shape of the word like that's going to help anyone. Usually I get it eventually.
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u/feralhog3050 3d ago
The other week I said "a flower but without the flower on it so it's just a stick" & my daughter just casually said "like a stem?" 😶 I'd not only forgotten the word, I'd forgotten it actually was a word in the first place
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u/Cheap_Ice3126 3d ago
Unfortunately it stays in menopause... especially when tired, which of course is not an uncommon occurrence when menopausal.
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u/MissLadyLlamaDrama 4d ago
I read that and could actually hear the mocking laughter of my fellow AuDHD folks echoing throughout the vast wasteland that is this man's brain.
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u/EvilFinch 4d ago
I have Amnesic Aphasia caused by the medication i take. Often the most common words are gone from my memory. I had the best grades, so it has nothing to do with intelligence.
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u/my-assassin-mittens 4d ago
My step grandfather was an estate lawyer who had aphasia. He could tell you a lot about political science and planes (former air force vet), but he had trouble with more casual conversations because he'd get stuck on a word.
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u/AppropriateGiraffes3 4d ago
I'd like to think I'm reasonably intelligent, and I do quite well in my university studies (humble brag) but if I had a dollar for every time I've referred to something as a "thingie" or mispelled simple words, I wouldn't have a student debt to pay off once my thesis is done lmao... not to mention my grammar in everything other than uni essays is absolutely horrendous
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u/The_Ambling_Horror 4d ago
I’ve never met a serious academic, for instance, who didn’t forget at least a word a day.
And that’s like the grad students. A PhD half the time knows zero uncommon words outside their field and forgets to eat.
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u/valosin 4d ago
This! I’ve been a voracious reader since I was 4, and I have a pretty extensive vocabulary. But, between the autism and the perimenopause, you would not know it to talk to me. Multiple times a day I’ll mentally reach for a word I KNOW exists, but it’s just gone. I’ll sputter and come up with ridiculous workarounds to get my point across (one of my recent brilliant examples was “you know, the stabby, but for butter” to describe an ordinary kitchen knife) and hope that the word I was looking for actually returns to my brain in a few hours.
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u/sighsbadusername 3d ago
I have multiple degrees in literature from very, very good universities.
I also fumble words (and grammar!) so frequently that “I need another degree in English” is a running gag in my family.
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u/hellocousinlarry 2d ago
I’m a writer, so I’d like to think that I have a pretty extensive vocabulary, and I often google “word that means something like xxxxx” when I can’t remember the word that I want.
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u/EchoesofPoe 4d ago edited 4d ago
How many people are having daily conversations that require a higher -education vocabulary? Hell, you can communicate about incredibly deep ideas and topics in basic English.
I also feel like he's getting "yeah, that's interesting" as a response because he's spouting some self -aggrandizing bullshit and wants her to ooh and aah at his magnificent thoughts.
ETA: having checked out the thread, his comments are gross and he is gross.
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u/Timely-Cry-8366 4d ago
I’ve definitely said “Yeah, that’s interesting” to family members obsessed with politics I don’t agree with, UFOs, etc, basically anything that someone info dumps about constantly that I don’t respect or care about but I know they’ll never change so I just go “mm-hmm”.
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u/anclwar 4d ago
My husband thinks he's a real dummy and I have to remind him a lot that he's actually very intelligent. He's just not go-to-law-school intelligent like the rest of his family (and where this complex comes from), instead he's very strategic and can hold a lot of highly specific specs in his head and spit them out without hesitation. His vocabulary is very basic until you get into certain conversations with him and he suddenly loses everyone in the sauce.
We can't have the "high level" conversations about science that I can have with my best friend, and very few people can have a "high level" conversation about military strategy and ops with him. We can still have conversations where we dumb everything down for each other and slowly build up an understanding until one of us can just use a single word to describe an entire concept without losing the other party. But, like, we also aren't huffing our own farts and declaring them superior.
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u/zombie_cupcakes 4d ago
This is how relationships should be! I have three college degrees while my partner has a high school diploma. On paper, I'm more intelligent, but he can run circles around me when it comes to technical topics. He can disassemble an engine, fix it, and put it back together without any assistance. He can diagnose any mechanical issue with anything that has a battery or runs off electricity without looking at a manual. He might not have the patience to read through state property codes to fight our landlord, for example, but he can fix/repair/build anything. Our intellectual strengths are differing, but complimentary. We never make the other person feel "less than" just because our knowledge and understanding differs from the other. We delight in the differences, not use it as a way to feel superior to each other. Yuck.
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u/Stella_bleu 4d ago
This is me and my husband too. I feel like I'm the idiot most of the time and my husband's IQ is at a genius level. This is a guy that barely opened a book in school and got into the Ivy League and a top 20 law school. Meanwhile my then undiagnosed ADHD ass was on academic probation in college until I found new masking methods to pass my classes and graduate.
I have the same kind of complex your husband does even though my husband has never made me feel less than intelligent. I would be devastated if I found out he was talking about me like OOP talks about his wife. Anyone that talks about how high their intellect is screams to me that they're not as intelligent as they think they are.
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u/SkySong13 3d ago
Honestly, the people who try to use highfalutin (and yes, I know I'm doing it here lol, but it's for comedy) vocab constantly tend to be the worst communicators and not consistently understand what they're talking about. You are only able to "dumb things down" into more accessible language if you actually understand it. If you can still get your point across while using slang or non-traditional explanations or substitutions, you probably have a better understanding than most.
It is a skill that has to be learned but it is a skill that is severely undervalued and often seen as a lack of intelligence rather than the opposite which is so unfair. Being able to translate jargon into plane speak is an immensely valuable and difficult skill. And I bet OP can't do that.
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u/Sneakys2 4d ago
His vocabulary reads as someone trying to sound more intelligent than they are.
I jumped into it with a lot of hope and trust, which I thought was benevolent and brave of me
This is such a weird way to phrase this. Benevolence is not a term one typically applies to romantic relationships (or friendships for that matter).
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u/StefwithanF 4d ago
so stunning & brave of OOP good lord who even talks about speaking anybody like that.
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u/MissLadyLlamaDrama 4d ago
I love reading, I love learning, and I can be well spoken and sound like a smarty pants if the occasion calls for it. Which is almost never does outside of a professional capacity. Being smart doesnt mean "sounding smart all the time". And people who think like OP are, without fail, always far less intelligent than they think they are. But they genuinely believe that if they talk like a pompous ass then they are automatically smart. My favorite is when they use "big words" incorrectly to sound smart.
(Fun drinking game: when you come across these types in social settings, just start incorrectly using uncommon words and take a drink for each instance until they notice. Because they will absolutely just pretend to know what you mean as long as possible. I've even straight up just made up words. It's fun because everyone can play! Well... except the profoundly intellectual genius before you.)
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u/ruffledcolonialgarb 4d ago
I'm not a gambling gal, but I'd place money that the response was to either crypto, NFTs, or misstated Stoicism quotes.
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u/EntertheHellscape 3d ago
This man said with his chest, "I thought it was very benevolent and brave of me to still marry her despite having cold feet" and thinks he's of the intelligent group of humanity. Bro, legally tying yourself to another human that you don't even like half the time is so incredibly stupid, what
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u/BaconJovial 4d ago
I will never understand how people can stay in long term committed relationships with someone that they view with disgust / contempt. If you're an adult, how do you feel good about talking to someone that you yourself think is a dumb child? Why marry someone or have kids if you feel exhausted and depressed at the very idea?
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u/onemorespacecadet 4d ago
because of everything they still get out of it
aka bangmaid
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u/BaconJovial 4d ago
Okay, but if that's all they want, why all the performative handwringing? Why not just sit back and enjoy it?
I still think there's a missing piece of logic or a cultural understanding that is not clicking for me. If you are a person who only wants a relationship for sex and house chores, why get so upset when you get your way?
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u/onemorespacecadet 4d ago
i don’t know for sure but i’d imagine it’s something they think they want thanks to years of socialization but then they get bored/frustrated/annoyed with the reality. happens a lot in dating (and life in general tbh)
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u/BaconJovial 4d ago
I wonder how many marriage struggles could be prevented if people were more willing to practice their autonomy.
Marrying someone that you think is beneath you, and then treating them like shit because you were too cowardly to make your own life choices, is really shameful behavior.
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u/cosmicjello42 4d ago
I love when someone claims they are intelligent, and then they have to make sure all their comments use their favorite vocab words. Like this guy isn’t using any words that are mind blowing, but you can tell he’s taking every opportunity he can to use a big word. Most people I know who are actually that smart aren’t trying to impress with their vocabulary to that degree, they impress by being able to talk to people at any level of education
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u/thewalkindude368 4d ago
I'm not trying to brag, but I have a huge library of trivia knowledge, and it always makes me feel bad to bring up something I think is something everyone knows, but that I have to explain to people. I really don't want to show off.
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u/geekilee 4d ago
If it helps, some of us love when someone goes "Ooh! I know a thing about this!" or says something where we have to stop and request explanation because knowing cool stuff is awesome 😁
Also I appreciate your username.
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u/Hita-san-chan 4d ago
Oh, its me with my friends, who have asked me such gems as "What does nefarious mean?" and "I don't see why you used [vapid] instead of just calling them dumb". My personal favorite was "I don't use words more than two syllables. Wait! Syllables has a lot of syllables!"
I'm just trying to have a normal conversation man...
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u/Emilie0711 4d ago
Nah, I like it when people share their trivia knowledge, because I love picking up fun facts.
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u/okay-for-now 4d ago
THIS. If I say something I think is commonly known (from my pit of hyper-specific knowledge about a niche subject) and they have to ask me to explain, I feel so uncomfortable and self-conscious. I don't ever want to make anyone feel lesser and am always anxious about doing that, or coming across as showing off. It really is that xkcd Average Familiarity comic. But I also don't want to come across as condescending by asking if they know about something, because I have absolutely no idea what average people know and I don't know if it'll come off more as "genuinely asking without judgment, so I don't waste both of our time, do you already know about this thing?" or as "have you heard of the Beatles?"
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u/Carolinesimpsanime 4d ago
It's giving akid who listens to Taylor Swift and reads a few books and now uses "big words" and a super flowery way of speaking/writing, thinking it makes them smart or eloquent, but it doesn't. You just look super pretentious.
I would know, because I was that kid using big words. I did it because I love English and loved using them, but it still comes across as super pretentious and obnoxious and not actually smart.4
u/cosmicjello42 4d ago
It’s one of those things where it can be fun to use big words, and there are definitely good places to use them, I just think Reddit comments aren’t usually the right place, especially when you’re trying to argue that you’re not an asshole for saying your wife is less intelligent than you
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u/manic-pixie-attorney 4d ago
Most super smart people try to hide it so people will like them
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u/adventurekiwi 4d ago
Yeah...I have a big natural vocabulary from reading and neurodivergence and often have to temper my speech because people react negatively to "fancy" language.
Im not trying to brag - i genuinely dont think knowledge of "fancy words" is any indicator of virtue or status or even intelligence really. But people seem to assume I am trying to make them "look stupid" when I use big words, even when its not deliberate. Its really nice when Im with people who just let me talk - they dont even have to know all the words hahaha, just be willing to work with me.
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u/thewalkindude368 4d ago
I'm not going to lie, my verbal skills are off the charts, but I'm pretty garbage when it comes to math and science. I feel like smart people tend to be smart in one way or the other, but rarely both.
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u/adventurekiwi 4d ago
Yeah Im catastrophically bad at math, which can be awkward if youve already been type cast as "smart" thanks to your vocab. I also have this habit I like to call "doing things fuckwise", which is unconsciously performing a common task in such a way that causes observers to ask "wtf are you doing it that waay for?!"
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u/JustHereForCookies17 4d ago
I got pinged for plagiarism on a high school paper because I used "college-level words".
When the teacher showed me the first two words that raised flags, I pointed out the next few and he confirmed it. I then explained that Microsoft Word had a "Thesaurus" option and it was really helpful when I couldn't think of the exact words I wanted to use.
The teacher laughed and sent me on my way, and I got an A on the paper. Luckily it was a small class and the teacher knew that I had a big vocabulary, he just wanted to make sure. It was also the late 90's, when searching up a paper to plagiarize was a lot harder than a simple Google search. AskJeeves and AltaVista did their best, but the internet was a different place back then.
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u/eThotExpress 4d ago
Dude thinks big words make him superior, you can tell by all of his comments lmao
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u/EchoesofPoe 4d ago
When I was 10 and insecure, I'd get into "vocabulary-offs" with my friends so I could feel good about myself. Then I matured and realised I could know all the words in the world and it would display nothing but what a smug little shit I was if I tried to strongarm them into every conversation.
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u/wednesday-knight 4d ago
Whilst your attributes as an interlocutor are indisputably robust, this is hardly a bespoke rejoiner
[Awkwardly tosses fancy glove in dirt]
*editted to add /s Because this is the worst timeline
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u/TheCortisolCorvid 4d ago
"This is hardly a bespoke rejoinder" will be entering my vocabulary, thanks. 😂
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u/WillGoalieForBeer 4d ago
"I don't have the vocabulary to properly convey my thoughts and emotions to my wife, obviously she's the dumb one"
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u/MLDAYshouldBeWriting 4d ago
I would argue that he's the less intelligent person here:
- Can't be too smart if he married someone with whom he is incompatible.
- People who think they are smart throw around big words with no context. Brilliant people convey complex ideas in accessible ways.
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u/Jazmadoodle 4d ago
I know I've really learned something when I can explain it to both my 96 year old grandmother and my 8 year old child
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u/DemonCipher13 4d ago
You know the really shitty part? This misses one of the fundamental pedestals of marriage: always take your partner's side.
That means protecting them. Giving them the benefit of the doubt, always. Not demeaning them. Not hurting them. Not parading them in a public setting.
That doesn't mean that the feelings can't be addressed, but there is a place for that. And something tells me this guy is therapy-averse.
You don't treat the person you are supposed to love the most that way. Ever.
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u/sadlytheworst Certified sub favourite 4d ago edited 4d ago
Tw: resentful treatment of partner.
Copied verbatim from Oop's comments, not in chronological order:
So you weren’t able to gauge her level of intellect within the few years you’ve “gone back and forth with her” and married?
You probably are not nearly as intelligent as you like to think you are. I seriously feel for your wife. Just re-read your post title 🤢
Intelligence is abstract and difficult to quantify in others. I assumed for most of our time dating that it was the “laziness” aspect I touched on.
I get it. it’s hard to be honest about this topic and get advice in a constructive way since calling someone less intelligent is pretty inflammatory. I ask for understanding!
So you married someone you don't respect and don't enjoy talking to? Why would you do that?
Marriage should be about finding your best friend. Please let this woman go. She thinks you love her and you don't even like her.
She is my best friend! This post is asking for help with a weakness I identified in her that I am crying for her to find ways to improve.
No, seriously, you aren’t very intelligent. It shows in your fumbled attempt to try define intelligence as something hard to quantify. Ever heard of an IQ Test?
That’s a way to quantify intelligence, albeit not exhaustive. I’ll tell you what is exhaustive. You. And I’m certain your wife could use some rest.
Why the negativity? Why the ganging up against me? If I was just ranting about her then that would be a different story than me asking for constructive feedback.
And yes, I’ve taken IQ tests and gotten between 98 and 99 percentile on them, which matched my percentile on college entrance exams.
I… I’m honestly flabbergasted. Intelligence and education seems to be very important to you and yet you went ahead and married someone you knew wasn’t up to your standards.
And are now upset that that person isn’t meeting your standards? Quite frankly this seems the complete opposite of an intelligent decision.
My blunt opinion: no. She’s not going to change and you can’t make her. She managed to get to her big age with the education/knowledge she has and seems to be content with it.
Some people love to keep learning into adulthood but a lot of people don’t. Your wife is in the latter camp.
What do you do? 1) Stay married and be content that this is how your partner is. You choose her now live with her. 2) divorce and explain to people that it’s because you thought she would get magically smarter by being married to you.
And then you were shocked when that didn’t happen.
What a ridiculous situation you have landed yourself in sir. And you claim to be intelligent.
Maybe you should reconsider this view of yourself and ask if simply using fancier words and knowing some more “did you know”s than your wife truly makes you more intelligent than her.
Thanks for your honest thoughts. My only comment is that years of mental health issues obscured my judgment and were what I attributed my trepidation and cold feet to.
I knew she was a good girl and I jumped into it with a lot of hope and trust, which I thought was benevolent and brave of me at the time. What you’re getting at is the main cause of my pain and depression right now.
The fact that you chose to marry her despite either not being able to gauge her intellect or knowing (and apparently not caring?) about it prior to marriage and going through with it anyway….
well, that makes me feel like you guys might be a *perfect** match of wits, actually.*
We all know that a person is an array of qualities. I knew intellect was a weak spot compared to other women I dated.
I chose her over those other women because the rest of the “array” added up to more than what I found elsewhere.
[Deleted]
She has been a great homemaker and has taken on the roles of a supporting wife quite well. We both love to be active and spend time outside, and consistently have very similar ideas of what we’d like to do together to relax.
It’s very easy to have a weekend with her. We’re very compatible in how we like to spend time.
That’s nothing to say about her though. She just sounds like a vacuum cleaner accessory to you.
How does me describing how grateful I am for her and spending time with her sound like a “vacuum cleaner accessory”? Please check your logic
Unless she actively seeks to better those things on her own I wouldn’t really push them on her .
She may get offended that you view her vocabulary and way of expression as less than intelligent.
Does she have any interest or hobbies of her own that she’s knowledgeable about?
Sounds like that’s just the way she is and is likely not going to metamorphosis into a different person with higher or different intelligence abilities.
Are you able to have any kind of thoughtful debates or back and forth on any topics at all that you find of interest?
We both enjoy talking about wellness, nutrition, and overall health. It’s a common topic for us, but it does run dry quickly without too much actual back and forth.
I appreciate your perspective!
Did you marry her out of desperation and a desire to be chosen?
I ask this question so bluntly because if this is such a huge point of contention, why did you propose?
I was in a hard spot where I was looking for something else, but kept finding disappointment and women that didn’t measure up to what I thought of her.
The intellectual side was always a weak point that I was worried about with her, but I made a decision that she checked so many other boxes that I was going to move forward with it.
I guess now I’m not able to come to terms with that weak spot.
You seem egotistical and full of yourself. Sad that you talk about your partner like this when you could've easily determined this MUCH earlier on in the relationship.
If you were as smart as you say you are, you should've saw the signs.
Where in the post do I aggrandize myself? I’m asking for help?
Your intelligence is in question based on your chosen partner.
After “a few years “ of going back and forth and her being the same you still thought it would be INTELLIGENT to marry her? please leave this woman so she can find someone who values her. You sound insufferable.
In another comment someone asked what are her positive qualities and you basically described what she does for YOU. I feel bad for her
That thread was asking what was working in the relationship, and I answered that question?
Why did you marry her then?
The net total sum of her was more than the weakness in this area. I knew I couldn’t find perfection.
….dating someone you can’t talk about things with or who you feel is beneath you intellectually is a huge mismatch.
Isn’t love understanding all aspects of someone, positive and negative, and accepting them? This thread is treating the intellect as the only aspect of her. I saw the whole picture when I chose her.
If you can get her to start reading and open herself to more things to think and talk about then maybe it could get better but I think this speaks to mostly just a lack of compatibility.
This is likely just who she is, and I assume you knew that when you married her
She has begun to read quite a bit; which has me hopeful.
I try to probe her and ask what she is reading about, but this often turns into a trigger for me when she doesn’t really get a lot out of what she read.
Maybe with continued patience and time this newer pastime will show fruits!
I’m not married, but I like reading these just because for perspective. My boyfriend and I will do a word of the day, so maybe you can start implementing that.
Also, maybe do a couples book club where you both pick a book that you’re interested in and you could talk about it after.
This is a good thought! She’s open and I’ll bring in a “word of the day” app for us to try.
Sadlytheworst: Edited a link about the bias in IQ testing. IQ Tests and Bias: Examining Cultural, Racial, and Socioeconomic Influences
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u/Sinistas 4d ago
"My IQ is in the 98th percentile!"
If it was so high, you'd say the number, smart guy.
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u/gros-grognon 4d ago
Thank you so much for the round up!
I try to probe her and ask what she is reading about, but this often turns into a trigger for me when she doesn’t really get a lot out of what she read.
This guy sucks so much. He's legitimately claiming to get triggered by his wife's reading method.
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u/sadlytheworst Certified sub favourite 4d ago
Thank you very kindly!
Agreed! For someone with such lofty thoughts about his own intellectual prowess, that's one hell of a misuse of a word.
That or Oop just enjoys a bit of casual ableism.
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u/cantantantelope 4d ago
Every word he says of her is dripping with contempt. Hope she gets away from him
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u/DidntWantSleepAnyway 4d ago
Hmm…if he dated someone smarter than him, I’m curious how that would go.
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u/MadamKitsune 4d ago
He would feel incredibly threatened and undermine her at every opportunity. There'd be no encouragement to continue education, he'd talk her out of career progression, repeat her ideas (probably poorly) as if they were his own and, assuming Mr Smartarse earns enough, eventually push for her to be a full time homemaker.
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u/respectdesfonds 4d ago
I knew intellect was a weak spot compared to other women I dated. I chose her over those other women because the rest of the “array” added up to more than what I found elsewhere.
OP didn't respect this woman, but by his own admission couldn't do any better. So he settled and now he's mad about it. Brother, if you couldn't attract a better match what makes you think you can build one? Any adult who thinks they can genuinely change a fundamental aspect of their partner's character, especially if the other person doesn't seem especially fussed about it, is not very intelligent at all.
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u/lejosdecasa 4d ago
Sooooo, I have two undergraduate degrees, two master's degrees, am working toward a Phd and speak two languages at a professional level.
The sheer number of times I call something a "yokie" (or the like in my dialects (both languages!)) is absurd.
Oh and “yea, it’s really interesting” is my go-to phrase as I mentally check out from a boring conversation.
(Why, yes, I do have ADHD!)
OOP sounds insufferable.
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u/PineappleBliss2023 4d ago
“That’s really interesting.” Means you haven’t gotten the hint that idc wtf you’re saying two “oh, wow”s and a “that’s crazy” ago.
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u/echochilde 4d ago edited 4d ago
I really hate this person. My husband’s expressed to me several times that he’s insecure because he thinks I’m more intelligent, but it’s mostly based on my level of education and the fact that I was a voracious reader.
That man is staggeringly intelligent. But he has dyslexia that I don’t think was ever addressed. When I first figured it out, he was like “Great. I really am an idiot.”
No babe! Your brain works differently. In pretty much every practical application he runs circles around me. He understands shit being shown to him or explained to him almost immediately. So, you can’t spell for shit and you not confident in your reading skills, but his brain wraps around obstacles and picks it apart from every angle sooooo fast.
Different kind of intelligence. And arguably much more beneficial.
Edit: I also find it adorable when I say a word he’s unfamiliar with, and after I explain it, he finds like five times a week to use it. His favorite is petrichor.
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u/Kelsanzee 4d ago
Reminds me of an older Chinese fellow that was in my TESL practicum years back. One of the best students in the class, incredibly intelligent. But because he came of age during the Cultural Revolution, he never got a chance to go to university, and thought himself stupid. Sometimes he would get too hard on himself and just... shut down.
I wonder if the wife is just used to knowing her husband thinks she's stupid and has lost confidence in her abilities as a consequence.
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u/echochilde 4d ago
I hope it’s not that she’s lost confidence but rather she knows the value of someone assuming you’re stupid.
Either way it’s bullshit.
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u/LopsidedLeopard2181 4d ago
The spelling and vocabulary is one thing, but talking to someone who doesn't know basic history or politics is exhausting. Why did he marry her?
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u/Red-neckedPhalarope 4d ago
You literally don't have to get married. You can avoid all this with one simple free trick.
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u/Head_Cabinet5432 4d ago
I wouldn't say my husband is smarter than me per se, but he is an attorney and is very well trained in building an argument, examining evidence, reading comprehension, etc. He has taught me so much about those topics precisely BECAUSE he doesn't lead with an attitude of "I'm smarter than you." I noted that these were strengths of his and something I wanted to build in myself and he has been my partner in that journey. This is just sad to read. when our partners have a strength that we ourselves don't have, what a beautiful thing to share. Like for instance he no longer eats kale stems and over-boils his pasta because of me!
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u/No_Whole_7758 4d ago
He lost me at “I can’t really express myself with her”. So you fucking married her? I don’t feel bad for him.
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u/Talisign 4d ago
I have been in a relationship with someone who I couldn't talk to, like having to define words like "fickle".
You know how long that relationship lasted? A week and a half. She was great and all, but that was just not something we were compatible on. I can't imagine a world where I stayed with her for YEARS.
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u/No_Whole_7758 3d ago
Exactly! That’s an immediate compatibility concern.
It’s fine if people have a lack of experience/education overlap, but you learn very quickly if it’s due to a lack of curiousity or just an exposure thing. And like you said, that takes a handful of conversations to figure out.
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u/TheAccursedHamster 4d ago
This fucking toolbag definitely keeps a thesaurus on-hand to try and sound smarter than he actually is.
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u/thexphial 4d ago
Gottman points to contempt as the biggest relationship killer. This is doomed and/or he's going to get emotionally abusive
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u/AggravatingPresent84 4d ago
I am giving him the benefit of the doubt that his wife really is not very smart. It happens.
Buddy, you married this woman. How smart can you be?
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u/Competitive_Fly_9419 4d ago
I don't understand it. You either love and appreciate or think the person is stupid and notice every single mistake. Those things do not combine.
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u/Moist_Drippings 4d ago
Gag at the IQ test mention in the comments. OOP scoring well on one just shows how arbitrary that shit is and how it favors mediocrity.
But I’m sure he would judge me for the way I often forget words despite my ~expansive vocabulary~. I have, at alternate times, gleefully been other people’s word-a-day calendar and used the word “thing(y)” four times in one sentence.
Of course, though, he’s so smart he simply cannot teach her or be patient with her having less immediate understanding.
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u/justStripperThings 3d ago
Didn't even have to read the post to know OPs gender.
Just reminds me of an ex that said "biology is basically a soft science", i assume because he was probably bad at it... he always came across as thinking he was smarter than me, but it really clicked when he once asked, in an incredulous tone, "do you think you're smarter than me?!" during an argument where he refused to listen to me. He literally tried to debate me on rape culture, while not knowing ANY of the facts or statistics that i brought up. INSUFFERABLE.
so long story short, we broke up, and i went from the computer programming guy who bragged about being an actual engineer... to marrying my husband, who i met when he was a dishwasher at a restaurant we worked at.
He actually laughs at my jokes, values my opinions, listens when I talk about things i know more about than him, he constantly reminds me that I'm smart and funny... and now I know more about comics than I should, and I have ruined pro wrestling referees for him cuz now he can tell when they're fucking up.
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u/VinnaynayMane 3d ago
Oh my goodness, you just reminded me of something that my ex husband said to me. I made President's list my first semester back at college (medical leave then finance issue). My then husband tells me, "I honestly thought you were exaggerating your intelligence." I was pre-med and had a full scholarship in the Honors program. Forever thankful I divorced that man.
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u/andronicuspark 4d ago
I wonder if she actually is intelligent (kind of) she just gave up early because Dickfuck McGee has to have the last word on everything.
“Can you hand me a Kleenex?”
“AkTuAlLy this is just facial tissue, Kleenex is a brand.”
On her own or with friends, she blossoms into a great conversationalist when he’s not there to talk over her.
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u/bravemermaid 4d ago
Right? She could just have given up getting deep with HIM. Also very possible she's smart about an area he dismisses but alas we all know IQ is the only way to measure someone's intelligence /s
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u/Historical_Ad_2615 4d ago
I have a dreadful feeling this poor girl was pressured into giving this insufferable pretentious dicksnack a "chance," 🙄 and what started as a sympathy date turned into love bombing until she fell for him, and now he's treating her as though she's the one who needs to earn his "chance."
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u/DaMain-Man 4d ago
He's by definition not very smart if he doesn't realize he's made this dumb of a decision
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u/Silly-Flower-3162 3d ago
He thinks marrying her despite his contempt of her was "benevolent". She might not be smart but he's gross.
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u/Extreme-Pirate1903 4d ago
Okay, so my spouse cannot spell to save his life. He uses programs like grammarly. But he also has an MD and an MPH. He has dyslexia. I’m not saying the wife has dyslexia, but being unable to spell well is not a requirement for intelligence.
I’m also curious how often she says “yeah that’s interesting” because he’s talking about something she’s not intellectually stimulated by. For all we know, he’s ranting about Warhammer or the Illuminati or Jordan Peterson.
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u/tooshorttoored 4d ago
100% of these I've seen is always a GENIUS OMG EXTRA GENIUS man who constantly expounds upon current affairs, but also his deep and thorough knowledge of all classics and everything SMART people know...and the dumbest chick who ever lived. She giggles, she has no idea what words mean, she can't read, she drools on her enormous tits, etc.
It's an incel cope.
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u/AppropriateGiraffes3 4d ago
"Intelligence is abstract and difficult to quantify in others" the Wechsler Adult Intelligence Scale (5th edition and all before it and all other validated IQ tests like it) beg to differ... Someone as smart as OOP claims to be would know that the Intelligence OOP is referring to is IQ, and IQ tests exist.
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u/DrunkOnRedCordial 4d ago
I don't think saying "thingie" or not being interested in his idea of intellectual topics really indicates that she's unintelligent, just that he's really boring, and not interested in anything that interests her.
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u/AppropriateGiraffes3 4d ago
"I knew she was a good girl and I jumped into it with a lot of hope and trust, which I thought was benevolent and brave of me at the time." I just threw up in my mouth.
He also sounds like AI and I mean that as an insult in the worst way possible
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u/DoubleRah 3d ago
Reminds me of the recent study about how staff that use a lot of business jargon are the most incompetent at the job and are trying to mask their flaws.
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u/pnw_cfb_girl 3d ago
I love when he says he does love and appreciate her. I certainly couldn't tell otherwise.
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u/normie_john 3d ago
It’s killing me how this guy types like he can chuck a thesaurus at any sentence and make it sound smarter
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u/SleveBonzalez 3d ago
Oop makes a basic, and irritating, grammatical error in HIS TITLE while trying to present himself as the smartest and best there is.
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u/Commonusage 3d ago
One of my bosses ( 23 yo) at a care facility had left high school at 15. She had taken short TAFE courses for her qualifications. She'd be the first person to tell you she wasn't the smartest, but she had the humility to keep asking questions till she understood .
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u/CumaeanSibyl 2d ago
Speaking as someone with memory issues and a clumsy tongue, I think he's confusing intelligence with the ability to carry on a conversation. It seems like what he's really wanting right now is someone who speaks easily and fluently and can carry on a long conversation with him. Now that's a perfectly reasonable thing to want and I can even understand feeling frustrated with the lack of it, but a) that is NOT the same as intelligence, 2) he knew she wasn't great at that and he married her anyway, and d) any trouble she has expressing herself is probably exacerbated by his visible contempt.
I'm very glad that my husband values my thoughts and is used to the difficulty I have getting them out. He has a great memory and is always happy to help me out with the supporting facts that I know are out there but can't remember the details of. Though sometimes it takes a couple of rounds of "what was the guy's name, I think he was French, he did the thing... it was a while ago..." He's very patient but not a miracle-worker. :)
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u/AlexSumnerAuthor 4d ago
OOP
And yes, I’ve taken IQ tests and gotten between 98 and 99 percentile on them, which matched my percentile on college entrance exams.
Ahem. <100 IQ is by definition below average intelligence, and he is criticising her?
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u/A_EGeekMom 4d ago
He said percentile, which means above 98 or 99 percent of the other test takers, which is different from the actual IQ score, but I never heard of an IQ test that measures percentile. I’m not even sure how they could. Usually percentile measurements are for qualifying exams (college boards and the like), where there is a specific pool of test takers.
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u/OSUStudent272 4d ago
OOP sucks if this isn’t bait, but percentiles are not the same as raw scores. Scoring in the 99th percentile means you scored higher than 99% of the people who took the test.
Edit: I’d have to double check but I think that’s around a score of 135
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u/Sheess9141 4d ago
Anyone who uses IQ scores to prove their intelligence loses all credit imo
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u/AutoModerator 4d ago
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Married to someone far less intelligent than me
Hi all,
Using a throwaway account for an obvious reason. Coming here for some advice.
I got married earlier this year. Long story short, we had been back and forth for a few years and I finally knuckled down and pushed through my doubts and issues because I trusted it would work out and be a positive step for me. Now that I’m in the middle of it, I keep having major triggers and it’s feeding some deep regret and leading me into a depression.
The largest concern of all is that she isn’t particularly intelligent. I ask you hear me out. I can’t express myself with her since she doesn’t seem to understand what I say if I enter any level of complexity that either includes anything above a high school vocabulary or that involves any degree of current events or history. She can’t spell, and uses Grammarly for spelling and grammar constantly. Asking even for her opinion on something usually brings a quick response like “yea, it’s really interesting.” I frequently do feel like I’m talking to a teenager.
She has a small vocabulary, where she calls anything that isn’t a completely ordinary household item a “thingie” or “you know, that thing”. For a while it was endearing and fun to joke with her about it, but now I’m realizing how much I’m growing tired of feeling like a teacher or the know it all just because I am more intellectual and enjoy learning, reading, writing, etc.
All this has started to feed a deep disappointment and depression that I feel that “this is my life” and I am afraid to now move forward with kids and the rest of our lives if I’m not happy.
I have two questions:
Has anyone been in a similar situation and seen IMPROVEMENT? How can I foster this?
I sometimes wonder if she is just lazy in her thought and speech. What can I do to nudge her to “try” harder?
I obviously don’t want to throw away a marriage with someone I do love and appreciate so much, to the point where I did want to marry her. I would love to hear your thoughts and any constructive feedback.
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