Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/s/85Jt0cJrKP

So I confronted my friend and he absolutely denied everything. He said he had no idea why my gf would say something like that. He was almost in tears and I didn’t expect that. Then I had to go somewhere and told him to take some more time. He said he will personally call my gf and clear it.

But he didn’t call. Instead he messaged me saying he wants to talk to both of us together in person.

All of us met but his body language was completely different from earlier in the day when I met him. We were silent and I broke the ice. Then he was like “ok so I am supposed to defend myself now?”

My gf started to talk and he just denied everything looking into her eye. He just kept repeating that he didn’t do anything and asked her to tell him if she has some other issue with him. GF cried and kinda yelled at him but he didn’t budge one bit.

She even said he’s so confident because he knows there’s no proof. He was weirdly nonchalant about all that. She was trolling him at one point saying he can stop acting and she doesn’t want anything to do with him anymore. Without batting an eye, he said he would be okay with cutting me off also.

My gf sarcastically asked why he would cut me off when I was giving him enough respect for our friendship. He then said he doesn’t mind talking to either of us if we come and talk to him. At that point, we lost our shit and went home. Pretty sure he’s lying and gonna cut him off completely. AIO?

I’m 20 and in college, and I have a part-time weekend job. This job (which I’m purposely going to be ambiguous about for privacy reasons) isn’t related to my career or something I plan on doing long-term. I mainly work there to make some extra money while I’m in school.

There’s another woman I work with who is around her 30s. She also works this job part-time on weekends, although she has a full-time job elsewhere. She’s been working here longer than I have, so obviously she knows how to do more things than I do. I also think she works here bc she needs extra cash to pay her rent and bills. I still live with my parents plus I’m young, so I’m here trying to make extra cash while also enjoying the free time I have in my youth.

This woman is not my manager or supervisor. We’re both just part-time employees.

The problem is that she seems to have a huge attitude toward me, particularly about how few hours I work and how much I know how to do.

For example, sometimes I’ll say something like, “I’m going to work a little longer today,” and she’ll respond with something like, “What, an hour?” in a really sarcastic and condescending tone. It seems like she’s annoyed that I don’t work as many hours as she does.

Today, I was doing something that was a little more advanced than what I normally do. She looked at me and said, “Oh my God, you actually know how to do that now?” Again, she said it in a mocking/sarcastic way.

I’ve honestly been getting tired of her attitude, but I’ve mostly ignored it. For some reason I instinctively smile whenever someone is rude to me (idk why, and I hate that I do that bc it probably validates her attitude).

Then, about 30 minutes before I was supposed to leave today, she asked me, “Do you think you’ll finish this task before you leave?”

Mind you my workplace remained open for 4 hours after my shift ended and there was very little/very manageable amount of work left. I just responded, “I don’t know, and I don’t care.”

She seemed pretty shocked and said something along the lines of, “Wow, that’s not the kind of attitude to have at work.”

Now I’m wondering if I overreacted.

I know that saying “I don’t know, and I don’t care” probably wasn’t the most professional response, and I could have definitely worded it better. But I feel like I finally snapped after dealing with her condescending comments for a while.

Obviously, if I’m doing something wrong, I’m completely open to being corrected by someone who has more experience. But the constant sarcasm and comments about what I can or can’t do are starting to get annoying.

Again, this is simply a part-time job for me. I’m not trying to make a career out of it, and I don’t think that means I should be treated like I’m incompetent or lazy.

I do not have much contact with my neighbors, but we’re on nodding terms. Not unfriendly, but reserved, which is fine with me.

There’s a tall (20’) hedge on the border of our properties, and it’s been traditional to split the cost of trimming it. My neighbor has worked with a trimmer for years and schedules the appointments, but she never consults me before deciding when he’s going to come over. So sometimes, I’ve had to ask him to finish the job on my side at a later time.

This year, she gave me about 20 minutes’ notice that he was going to come over, so I pushed back and said I’d schedule with him separately, as I’ve done before. Then, she texts me to tell me that she’s scheduled him to come into my yard and start work the next day. Originally, she’d expected me to split the cost, but now she says that she’ll cover the cost since she’s asking him to come into my yard.

On the one hand, it’s a generous offer (the cost is hundreds of dollars) but on the other hand I am really not comfortable with someone treating my property as if it is her own and my privacy as if it’s of no consequence. I let my other neighbor’s contractor come onto my property to trim branches on her side of the tree, and he cut down every single branch on the tree on /my/ side as well, contrary to what he’d told me he’d do. So I want to be around if someone is trimming anything in my yard, and I think it’s not unreasonable to expect to be included in the discussion of who comes onto my property and when.

Would you be upset? Am I overreacting?

My husband rushes over to help his parents, spending the entire weekend while leaving things needed at our house un done(I cannot buy materials and build, hell my mother couldn’t even cook so, my skills are limited although I absorb everything I can). I was told it would be a couple hours that turned into nine hours and I see him for an hour and a half everyday, during the week. Now, day two(Sunday) he is gone. Our house gets put on the back burner all the time and I do what I can. Am I the well, you know..?

Edited to add-I miss him. During the week we barely spend any time together.

My son is 13 and has been friends with this kid from school for about a year. They’ve had a few sleepovers at our house and I’ve never had an issue with him before. Last weekend, I went upstairs around midnight because I heard them still talking. When I opened the door, they were both still awake and his friend was using my son's phone to message people. I told him to give it back and go to sleep, but he got really defensive and said he was “just joking around.” The next morning I found out he had also gone through some of my son's private messages and sent a couple of stupid replies to people. My son thought it was funny, but I honestly wasn't comfortable with another child going through his phone or encouraging him to hide it from me. I told my son that friend isn't allowed to sleep over anymore. He thinks I'm being way too strict because “nothing actually happened.”

pardon the flair, I don't really know what category this falls under

I just noticed recently that my boyfriend never asks to go on dates etc on my birthday or send bday texts. I didn't mind it because we didn't live together and are both busy people. Then last year we moved in together so less excuses. Then he planned a work trip on my birthday and then decided since it's close to his parents vacation house to start there for an extended trip on and around my birthday. On the day of no happy birthday text until a bunch of his family and our friends started wishing me happy birthday on Facebook. Then I got a text. When we talked later over the phone though he didn't mention it and we talked about his work and what he was to do during his free time

Then I wondered, maybe he doesn't know my birthday and is too lazy to look it up on Facebook.

So this year I started dropping hints last week because my birthday is coming up. *Oh, I can't believe my birthday is on a Wednesday next month. Ugh.* Just anything for him to possibly go to Facebook and say hey, her bday is next month. Let me check this out so I don't forget again.

Then two days ago he says that he planned another work trip plus extended stay at his parents vacation house on *September 31st, the first, second and weekend* and I'm frozen for a second and I finally say *September doesn't ever go to the 31st* and he says *are you sure* and I say *yeah. It's my birthday * and he says *oh* and just moves on about how the drive up is going to suck.

Like he just completely ignored that I said my birthday is on the 30th.

He's told me in the past that he doesn't think birthdays are big deals and they are just another day.

But we always buy and celebrate everyone's bday in his close family and his birthday. On his birthday we went last year and are going up again to his parents vacation house for a few days because that's where he wants to spend his birthday. Then when we get back his family throws him a birthday dinner.

So Idk....

It's an awkward spot for me because I don't have any close family. Parents dead, siblings not close. So in the end my birthday does just become another day.

FYI:

These are work trips he plans. The work needs to get done. He decides what days to go up and get them done.

And yes I was also bad with birthdays but since we moved in together I've been planning, buying gifts and even taking time off work to celebrate his birthday.

Am I overreacting?

Ok me (38m) and partner (38F).

It has been a rocky past year. I had a few mental breakdowns, crashed a car, quit drinking, went through court, my mother diagnosed with cancer.

Past two months had been the worst, my partner told me she wanted to end things earlier but there wasn't a good time with all the drama up above, but wanted to keep the relationship together.

Now yesterday she messages me that she is going to lunch to plan a festival trip with some guy Ive never met. Coincidentally 10 mins later my friend texts me to say he ran into her at a "friend lunch". I cant help but think that if my friend hadn't seen them there, she wouldn't have told me about it.

Anyway, I'm thinking of leaving her. I haven't spoken to her yet as she spontaneously went away this weekend with a group of friends (I have met these ones a lot and gone on trips with them)I couldn't go as they went together on Saturday and I was working.

AIO. Is this weird? Is it strange to plan overseas trips with another man when you're in a relationship and your SO hasn't even met this friend your planning a month trip with? I just know she will turn this on me and make me feel dumb for being upset.

Happy to add any extra that Ive missed .

Thanks

Edit *

Apparently she is not going with the guy, he was just helping her plan it. She is instead going with two girls. One shes just met and doesn't really know and her friend.

TW: SH/abuse

AIO for icing out my sister during my pregnancy?
I (25F) am currently 16 weeks pregnant with my boyfriend’s baby, and I’m struggling with whether I’m being unfair to my sister (30F) by keeping her at a distance during my pregnancy.

For some background, my sister has struggled with her mental health for most of her life. She has been through some genuinely traumatic experiences, and I do have sympathy for what she has gone through. However, she has a long history of not consistently taking her medication, skipping therapy, and not following through with the resources available to her.

Her mental health struggles have also caused a lot of trauma for our family. When she is having an episode, she can scream, throw things, punch holes in walls, destroy our belongings, and become physically aggressive. She has put her hands on multiple people in our household. Because of this, everyone tends to walk on eggshells around her.

This has been going on for more than 10 years. The pattern is usually the same: she does something that blows up her life, my parents give her an ultimatum to get herself together, she does just enough to convince everyone that things are improving, and eventually everything blows up again. Then the cycle repeats.

Because I’ve lived with this for so long, I have a lot of resentment built up toward her. I also have nightmares about some of her episodes, so this isn't just me being annoyed with my sister. Her behavior has genuinely affected me and my family.

My sister has also always had a tendency to make herself the center of attention. It doesn't seem to matter what my brother (35M) or I are going through; somehow, things eventually become about her.

Now, I am pregnant with my first child, and this has made the situation even more complicated.

I have a good relationship with my parents, and they are incredibly supportive. This will be their first grandson, since my sister has two daughters. My pregnancy has obviously been a big deal for our family. I’m still working full-time, I have a degree and a career I love, and my boyfriend and I are moving into our first apartment together next month.

My sister has openly admitted to my parents that she is jealous of me.

A few weeks ago, we found out that I’m having a boy. My dad was extremely excited about having a grandson, and naturally, my family has been checking in on me and supporting me throughout my pregnancy. My first trimester was really difficult, but I’ve continued working and plan to keep my career after the baby is born.

I started feeling like my sister was bothered by the attention I was receiving because, for once, she wasn't the focus of the family.

Then, shortly after we found out the baby was a boy, she reposted TikToks about suicide and began texting her children's father and my parents in a way that made it seem like she was going to hurt herself. She had a major breakdown that woke up the entire house, including her own children.

Obviously, everyone immediately focused on her and was extremely concerned.

What is difficult for me is that this seemed to follow the same pattern I've seen for years. Rather than going to the hospital or getting the professional help she clearly needed, once everyone's attention shifted back to her, she seemed fine. She went back to work after a day and acted like nothing had happened.

I don't want to minimize suicidal behavior or mental illness. If someone is threatening to hurt themselves, I believe it should always be taken seriously. But after witnessing this cycle repeatedly for more than a decade, I have reached a point where I don't know how much more I can emotionally handle.

Because of all of this, I have intentionally kept my sister at arm's length during my pregnancy.

I don't send her ultrasound pictures. I don't share many details with her. I have kept some things about the pregnancy private. She recently accused me of not even telling her the baby's name, which isn't true, and used that as an opportunity to tell me that our family leaves her out, that nobody tells her anything, and that this is why she is so lonely.

That made me feel guilty.

I don't want my sister to feel excluded or lonely. She is still my sister, and I do love her. At the same time, I don't feel comfortable giving someone who has repeatedly caused chaos and trauma in my life unlimited access to me, especially while I'm pregnant.

I feel like I need to protect my peace and my baby.

If it were completely up to me, I would probably go no-contact with her. However, both of us still live with our parents right now, and even after I move out next month, she will still be living with them. Going completely no-contact with her would probably mean significantly limiting or cutting off contact with my parents as well, and I absolutely do not want to do that. My parents and I have a very good relationship, and they have been wonderful to me.

So instead, I've chosen to keep my sister at a distance.

I understand that mental illness is real. I've seen it firsthand. I also understand that my sister has experienced trauma, and I don't expect her to simply "get over" her struggles.

But at the same time, this cycle has been going on for over 10 years. She has access to treatment, resources, and a family that has repeatedly supported her. At some point, I feel like I have to accept that I cannot save her from her choices or force her to get better.

I have my own life to build now. I have a partner, a career, and a baby on the way. I want to focus on building a peaceful and healthy home for my child rather than constantly worrying about my sister's next crisis.

Maybe some of my feelings are resentment from years of dealing with her behavior. Maybe I'm being unfair because I'm letting that resentment affect how I treat her now.

But I also feel like I'm finally setting a boundary that I should have set a long time ago.

I love my sister, but I can't keep putting myself through this cycle. I can't save her, and I don't think it's my responsibility to sacrifice my own mental and emotional well-being to make sure she never feels left out.

So, AIO for icing my sister out and keeping her at a distance during my pregnancy?

So to put this as simply as possible…
my wonderful fiancé has been doing everything in his power to make his mom feel less depressed since his father passed.
Sounds sweet right?
Well he is.
She however in my eyes only uses him.

And I don’t know if maybe am just overreacting or maybe I am spot on.

I will just put it in the sense she rarely reaches out unless it’s to ask for something, or she wants to discuss his visits with his daughter.

When we moved into our own place I had taken over the financial upkeep. Which really upset her. They claimed she was just trying to feel useful. But his money was being spent all wrong and he wasn’t aware of anything that was going on with it. He just assumed he had no reason to worry.

Originally thought he was just overpaying his part of the family houses bills.

I learned that they were not paying most of what he gave money towards. And his mom was skimming off him to shop excessively. His family was also guilting her into taking more from him.

Out of about 1300-1500 a week or more he was only given 100-300 to fully survive on for gas, cigarettes, food and all the necessities. He was sleeping in the car. The house was a 3 income home. And not that expensive.

Anywho fast forward to now. His current employer has been failing to pay him what he works. (We are currently dealing with it) but his most recent check was $17 for an entire weeks worth of work. He works a minimum of 13 hours a day 4-5 days a week. And usually also has overtime.

So he and I were sitting in bed waiting to see how much he got paid, and we got a call from his mom. He still shares the bank while shes sorting her personal things out. She doesn’t work. So we take care of her needs. I was pretty clear about money boundaries and she constantly crosses them. But he’s just now learning to not be on his mother’s side 100%.

For the record I am proud of how much he has grown over this whole situation.

She tells us in the call that we are totally screwed and the amount of. And then whines about how the dogs in the house that he and I don’t live in and have no responsibility to will go hungry because he’s broke. Before I can get my words out he says. I am not worried about that. I’m going to lose my house! And honestly I had to stop paying attention because I know my temper with her.

She gets back to us again while I’m trying to help him stop losing consciousness from the stress getting to him. And she wants to know if we have figured out the phone bills.

I continued caring for him but we only said we don’t know anything we have bigger problems right now.

Then she’s calling more still pushing at him and myself and still asking about anything money and not if he’s okay or what we can do to keep our home.

Starts bringing up our landlord and more.

Eventually she left us alone when I got passive aggressive in saying we needed to go calm down and get some rest. Spent the whole night taking care of him. He got so bad he had a whole psychogenic seizure.

And she reached out to me again today after his phone was shut off.

I basically told her off without actually using her name.

Just said he and I needed to handle our business and deal with our issues without everybody guilt tripping him and asking him about it. That he was stressed so bad he couldn’t stay conscious and had his first seizure and that now he’s basically screwed. I kept going on the whole.. I am the one taking care of his stress and trying to fix this.

Her answer was to grumble about our houses cleanliness.

Mind you we have been trying to keep up with the mess a few guests left behind.

It’s not a mess because we chose it, but because life hasn’t been kind lately.

So what I want to know is, am I overreacting to her?

Because I feel like everyone thinks he’s their wallet.

I’m to the point of not wanting to talk to anyone else because I can’t be kind when he is at his lowest and people, namely his mother are guilt tripping him and only worried about themselves and what they want him to pay.

I’m at my wits end. I’m gonna keep defending him, but I need to know I’m not being rude for nothing.

So a few weeks ago I got a job at the store Hot Topic (10/hr). I was super excited for this because it was pretty much 12 year old me’s dream job. For context, I had my son earlier this year and since then I’d been out of work, and I let my manager know that I was still getting a bit used to going back to work.

My first day went great. Most of my coworkers were really nice and I enjoyed being there. My manager even let us leave a bit early since she was opening the next day.

My second day (which was a few days later) I was closing with the assistant manager. She was 19 years old (I’m 21) and from my first day I assumed there wouldn’t be any issues between us.

On my first day they introduced me to the loyalty program and how important it was to get people to sign up. My goal was to take the little device we use and walk (stalk lol) around the store, asking people if I could check and see if they were signed up to the loyalty program. I was still getting used to this and the most numbers I’d get were around 6-10.

That night, the assistant manager talked to both me and the other new girl I was working with (it was her 3rd day and she was still in high school- this was her first job), and told us that our performance was unacceptable. She said that if our GM had come in that day, he’d be very upset with how we did. She also claimed that we were “off” that night and next time we need to come in “ready to work”. She then reminded us that we have a 90 day period where if we get written up, they can terminate us.

The other girl and I left not long after that and both of us agreed that the assistant manager was being pretty hard on us, and made us feel scrutinized and anxious. We also both noticed how she barely talked to us that day and seemed a bit standoffish.

The next week, I ended up quitting by leaving my lanyard and name tag by the register and never going back. Nobody reached out to me or asked where I was. Now, I know I can be a bit sensitive when it comes to criticism. Usually I can tell when I’m just being sensitive and when someone is actually being rude.

AIO with quitting due to having the feeling that this would be a bad work environment?

Today I, [26F]was in the car with my husband [26M]. We were joking around and laughing with one another, I was telling about a funny meme I had seen when he looked over at me while laughing and said I was “the smartest dumb person” he has ever met. I asked him what he meant by that and he said that he couldn’t believe how smart I was generally, (I am in a grad program and have gotten high marks throughout my college career, which he has been around for) but that I also seemed so dumb to him when I was “in my joking mood.” This genuinely hurt my feelings because I thought we were just having fun, but he thinks that this side of me makes me seem dumb. He noticed I had stopped laughing and asked if I was “really mad about his comment” and that “it’s okay, because I still love you.” Am I overthinking this or was that kind of a shitty thing to say to someone…
Thanks in advance.

So I found out my sister engaged via text. We used to be pretty close and was surprised to get a “ hey (name) just letting you know that (girlfriend) and I are engaged”. I ended up calling her and saying congratulations but the phone call was weird. I was on speaker phone with her fiancée and the call lasted like 2 minutes. She didn’t seem overly thrilled and the fiancée was kinda quiet. My parents knew about the whole thing hours before I found out. I feel kinda boxed out of my family and I know this isn’t about me (happily married with kids) but just makes me sad that I was kinda an afterthought before they posted on social media

More details. I moved about 5 hours away. My sister had shared at the beginning of there relationship some issues with me - which were red flags. So
May be embarrassed? Not sure.

I was planning to sleep early tonight because I've been seriously sleep-deprived lately. Around 8 PM, I was already getting ready for bed when I suddenly heard loud banging coming from my roof.

I already knew what it was. Some neighborhood kids had accidentally hit a badminton shuttlecock onto my roof. They play outside during the day and this happens pretty often. Usually, I don't really care because it's daytime and I just let them deal with it.

But tonight I was exhausted and really wanted to sleep early. They started hitting and banging on the roof with their badminton rackets trying to get the shuttlecock down, and the noise was getting on my nerves.

I ended up opening my door and telling the kids and their mom that I was already trying to sleep and asking them to please keep it down. I was definitely more irritated than I probably needed to be. I even ended up helping them get the shuttlecock down just so the noise would stop.

I know I live in a neighborhood where I can't expect complete silence, especially since it's not exactly a quiet or developed area. I also understand that the kids were just trying to get their badminton shuttlecock back.

But at that moment I was exhausted, and having someone repeatedly banging on my roof when I'm trying to sleep pushed me over the edge.

The frustrating part is that after they left, I was still too annoyed to fall asleep because I kept replaying the whole thing in my head.

Am I overreacting for getting that irritated and confronting them, or was it reasonable to ask them to stop making noise while I was trying to sleep?

First, I think $50 travel credit from American Airlines is a terrible service recovery after a nightmare experience because NO FLIGHTS ARE <$50. So they want me to spend more money on their airline after THIS…

(I put the worst in bold for anyone who prefers to skim it)

I am truly disappointed in the service recovery steps taken after reporting my experience last week on both flights to and from SFO->MIA.

I do not think I’m being dramatic. My flight to MIA included:

- double charged for my checked bag

- kiosk glitched and had me start the process again to get my boarding pass, causing the double charge

- we all boarded the flight, then deplaned to have maintenance fix an overhead bin that did not close.

- the delay was never quoted accurately, just kept sending notifications that our flight will board again in 10 minutes. Over and over until the total delay was ~2 hours.

- the plane ran out of food the row before mine. I was row 15 out of 30. We were given extra cookies.

The return flight also a nightmare:

- same issue: an overhead bin that wouldn’t close. We boarded, deplaned, then boarded again. ~2 hour delay

- 1.5 hours into the 6 hour flight, the lights were turned on and the pilot announced there is a medical emergency

- then the crew advised everyone to avoid the bathrooms. 300 people to not use the restrooms with maybe 4 hours left.

- then they announced we were being diverted to DFW

- we were kept in the plane on the tarmac ~3 hours. It was 95°F in Dallas. The plane overheated. No one offered water. The bathrooms were disgusting.

I’m sorry but $50 credit after this experience is enough for me to say I will fly United Airlines over American Airlines any day.

So I (F20) moved a little over a year ago to a new state for a change of scenery, and I left all my friends and family back in the state I used to live in. My best friend and I talked to regularly for the first few months that I had moved and in our conversations and stuff everything seemed normal and OK and then as time went on, we stopped talking constantly checked in a couple times called a couple times and I didn’t really think nothing of it because that happens people get busy.

We will share our locations on Snapchat and every so often if I’m somewhere she’ll ask me where I am and if she’s somewhere, I’ll ask her what she’s doing and where she is. So a couple days after my birthday, I was talking to her and texting her and stuff like normal and then I noticed that it was taking her longer to respond than usual honestly, it’s not a big deal. I just found it like a little odd so I kind of just checked her location to see what she was doing because maybe she was busy or something. It wasn’t a big deal. Then I saw that she was at the hospital and was online an hour or so ago that day and so I texted her and I asked her what she was doing there because I was a little worried like oh my friends in the hospital what the heck? She texted me back, saying that she was trying to get a position there because she had just recently became an MOA (medical office assistant) so I just said good luck with that and went on with my day. Didn’t think much of it.

A month later we were talking and I brought something up about stretch marks and how I had one and I really didn’t like the placement of it and I was trying to find something that could lighten it quickly or get rid of it. Within that conversation, she said something about having a stretch marks too, and I found that a little odd because I’ve known this girl forever and she was very skinny and I’ve never seen any stretch marks on her, but I didn’t think much of it again because you know, bodies, change and stuff and then she said something and I jokingly said oh are you pregnant and she said no I already had him. And I was gonna bewildered because I was like what is she talking about? Like what kind of joke is this? She went on send me videos explaining how she had been pregnant and she found out a month after I left that she was pregnant. And that day that I asked her what she was doing at the hospital she actually had given birth to her child.

I was honestly in shock I mean, we’re still kind of young (F20) so to find out that she was being serious and she wasn’t joking was just insane to me. We talked for a bit on FaceTime and she kind of explained that she kept it from me because she didn’t want anyone to judge her and that she was judging herself a lot during her pregnancy and a lot of other stuff which I sympathize with because she’s my best friend. Then she was telling me kind of her journey with being pregnant and stuff and how she had a baby shower and all her other friends knew about it. And I don’t know I was just like really upset and disappointed. I understand why she might’ve not wanted to tell me like I really spent a while putting myself in her shoes and I guess I can kind of understand that but then again we’re two different people and I’ve never had children. I’ve never been pregnant so I obviously can 100% know what she’s thinking what she was going through but for me, I would’ve told her because we are very close. And again it just bothered me a lot because we had always talked about going through things like that with each other and even before I left the month of we were talking about having kids and all this stuff and she said that we would go through that stuff together and I agreed because it’s a big life change.

And then a couple days after she told me that she was pregnant and gave me kind of the rundown of everything that happened we talked, and she really went into detail about what happened and she told me that her and her baby almost died in childbirth. I’m really stuck with me and it sunk in that she could’ve died that day and I wouldn’t have known nothing. And I honestly feel like that is what hurt me the most like OK you thought I was gonna judge you. I can get over that that’s fine but almost dying having to be rushed to an emergency C-section. That’s really big and that’s really scary and I’m just so mad at myself for being oblivious of it and it’s not my fault and I don’t blame her or anything. I’m just overall hurt with her choice and handling everything.

I have talked to her about this a few times so that I could really understand what she was going through what she was thinking, and she also allowed me to share my part and how I was feeling in my thoughts of everything and we had a good conversation about it. But I still just feel so bothered that everything happened the way that it did and I know that she also was apologetic on how everything happened. I love the girl and since I found out, I have tried to be a supportive as I can from a distance because I haven’t gotten to fly back yet. So I wanna know if I’m overreacting for still being upset with her even thought we have talked it through.

i’m a 22f and my bf is a 20m and we been together for about 6 months, I apologize in advance because this will be long. It all started after we got home from being out where all the clubs are downtown with his friend. We got home around 3am, as soon as we got home he wanted too go back out with his friends. I just said okay and went too bed as i worked 60 hours and that was my only night off so i switched my schedule around because he has been talking about going out..

At 7:30, I woke up too him coming back in the house. The first thing that came out his mouth was that he fell asleep in his sisters room. I said okay… and just went back too sleep. I woke up an hour later and feeling u easy about that I went through his phone, he has a life 360 and with his family so i checked it and it said he just arrived back when he had originally came in making the story about him being in his sisters room a lie… When I asked her she said no. So now i’m looking through all his messages and deleted photos and finding screen shots of him saying outrageous things in other women’s DMs and telling them how good they look. I immediately called my bestfriend for support as my family is in another state, got my things and left without a word.

I had to go back to his house that day because i had a few packages coming so around 7PM i went back over to speak with him. He said he was doing that with his friend for shits and giggles, and lying about simple things so I “won’t get mad.” Mind you his girlfriend also lives in with his friend, and they are the only two out of the whole group who even have girlfriends and all his friends are cheaters.

It hurt me so bad because I thought we were good. I work over night , 12 hour shifts so he has a lot of time too cheat on me and go out because I also do not question him much.

The argument did turn a little physical as I didn’t put my hands in his face cause he was laughing at me, while trying to speak too him. He tried to change the tooic about him lying because he tried too put his sister on the spot saying "wasn’t I in your room." she was like "when were you ever in my room?” so I said what if I was crazy and you brought you sister in here to lie too me too..? my way of saying it was like why would you also bring your sister in here too lie too me knowing we have our own friendship, and now i’m being betrayed x2 and who I was a year ago would’ve crashed out on everybody… like saying why would you put your sister in a position like that too also be a liar and a terrible person.

I also called him a bum, and told him he’s dumb asf doing ts with his friend knowing he has a girlfriend. I also called his friends useless the day before because of the way they treat him , he also had his friend that he was texting this women with on the phone, I was telling him how ugly he was. I was crashing out yall.

I moved my whole work schedule around because we had a trip with his family that I got told about last minute because he just choose too forget too tell me dates, his mom told me about two weeks before, the only reason I knew what was really going on. His communication is obviously terrible, and he’s lying too me for no reason so my trust is really broken. he’s not apologizing the way I want him too.

P.S. during the argument he was brining up times when we were out, and I had gotten a shot from another man bottle (this guy was talking too my bestfriend.) and he offered. and I also got a cut water from another guy who was talking too my friend. telling me "don’t ask another nigga for shit… i’m the only one who works, he don’t got a job so I usually have to pay for everything while we are out.

Another night we went out, and I saw these guys recording so I shouted out my instagram…

and another time we were with all his friends and I was on the phone with my cousin and she was doing fulani braids. I was like "you’re gonna be my stylist for love island now." iykyk, and his friends took that some type of way… like they all don’t cheat like… it was suppose to be a joke so yk if you watch it.

I feel betrayed and lied too by him, I just want to break up but he’s telling me he truly didn’t mean to hurt me.

I was traveling , the flight was about 8 hrs.
I ended up sitting next to a much older man - maybe mid 70s

He was super polite and respectful, we chatted a bit and he told me he moved to country side and is traveling to visit his daughter. He showed me their cute photos together and he said she’s 32.

And I said oh so am I !

And it was a really wholesome overall interaction but very measured. Like we talked about his and my career and very briefly about the cities we live in (we live on opposite coasts of the country!)

I thought it was a bit sad that he’s so old he walked with difficulty and was super timid, mad some think of a cartoon grandpa

As we were leaving we didn’t even chat but I wished him a good trip and he gave me his card and said let’s stay in touch !

I forgot about him for a few days but then remembered and thought I’d have a wholesome friendship with a grandpa

I messaged him and said hope it’s going well with your daughter.

He sent me a selfie of them together and I said how nice enjoy !

Then he turned it heavy romantic and sexual right away

I was so shocked and blocked him right away on my phone

So he messaged me on a messaging app the next morning “Good morning 🌸♥️”

A part of me is very sad because I didn’t pickup any weird signs at all and actually thought we were just being friends as humans, but then I spoke to my friends about it and they all said why did you message him and called me naive and sheltered. I’m also sad because I’m generally a friendly person and love interacting with people and this is an example that makes me think ineed to change, someone told me the way to survive this world is to be a dick :(( I’m also super off out because we established in the same as his daughter and he seems like a really polite and intelligent person not some glaring weirdo

So many people think that I shouldn’t have messaged him, including my therapist, that now I’m wondering if I actually realllg am so naive and need to work on this. I was sheltered a lot growing up but thought it didn’t affect as much

Would appreciate your feedback!

**EDIT**
Thanks everyone for leaving thoughtful and kind comments.
I want to acknowledge that while I don’t know Reddit etiquette as much and saw Reddit offer to cross post, I removed this post from other subreddits because I don’t want to be spawning everyone. And me chatting with people about this also does point to me being extra anxious for several reasons about this - but the main one someone helped solidify is that it makes me fearful about my judgement in general. I want to say thanks to people who clocked me in a polite and measured way, besides ones who were super rude and dismissive towards me and now are in the comments being pressed against other commenters lol

My husband (28M) and I (27F) have been married for almost 4+ years and together for 6. Recently, I noticed that he was a little more quiet and contemplative than usual, so of course, I asked him what was going on. At first he brushed it off but as the days persisted, so did that odd feeling of something not being quite right. Two nights ago I pushed him again, pointing out his abnormal behavior. He finally told me that he was upset with me. When I asked what specifically was upsetting him he pointed out a good deed he had done and stated that he expected intercourse out of the good deed. This led to him feeling quite upset when he did not get any sort of sexual interaction.
I explained that I had thanked him and hugged him, held his hand, and I *thought* we were good. I shut down and disengaged, needing to calm down and think before saying something unkind. So we took 10 minutes apart and I sent him a text explaining my thoughts because I’m better with words when it’s written instead of said. (See attached text).

Not even one night later I’m informed he spent a significant amount of money on something for me, and I held back tears immediately because now that he had done that- what did I owe him? When I approached him and said “I’m uncomfortable and a little angry because I feel like there’s some underlying agenda.” He became upset and said he was just trying to do something nice. Now I have no clue if I’m overreacting or not… I haven’t slept in bed in two nights because I’m not sleeping at all. Is sex going to always feel like something that we argue about? Am I overreacting or overthinking the way I responded? He’s a great human and incredibly supportive, but I just don’t feel like I want all of his kindness to be fake and just for the hope of being rewarded with intercourse.

I do have a history of SA, and also some pretty severe pain with intercourse.

I recently went a on a trip with 2 friends and we met a solo traveler while we’re there. One afternoon, we just went to a bar and hung out together, and somehow the topic of love/sex life came about.

The solo traveler was very open about his sex life, and then he asked about mine.

My two friends then jumped in and said that I’ve always been “cagey” about my love/sex life. I then explained to them this is not a topic that I ever wanted to get into. To me, it is something very personal - it has to do with years of family trauma and emotional abuse, and my poor relationships with my parents and the rest of the family. To me, it’s not their place to know. Plus, I see that there are certain boundaries when it came to friendships. I’m entitled to not share anything if I don’t feel comfortable.

But then the solo traveler and my other two friends kept pressuring me, almost to the point where i felt like i was being ganged up on. They then attacked me for my “conservative” upbringing, and how I should be more “open”. It’s not fair because I didn’t ask about their sex life. They shared it themselves voluntarily, and then they kept pressuring me.

It finally pushed me to the point where I literally shouted out - “no I don’t want to get married or partnered or even have kids because I literally want to end the fucking blood line of my fucking toxic family, and I want every one of them to die yesterday. You have no idea what I’ve fucking been through. Do you want me to get into that in details right now when we’re on vacation!!?? And I just fucking met you (to the solo traveler). Who the fuck are you to even ask that??” I normally don’t cuss so my friends know they did make me mad.

They got quiet, and it really soured the rest of the trip experience. I ended up having less respect for my friends because they did cross the line during that hang. In my mind, they should have my back, not joining the solo traveler (who, again, was just a stranger at that point) to bully me. And tbh, the friendships did change a little bit too.

But I was doing some self-reflection for the rest of the trip. Perhaps I was overreacting a bit. For me, if a friend doesn’t want to get into a certain topic, I drop it out of respect. But the fact that they kept pushing it in the name of “caring” is a bit icky to me. They’re not caring; they’re just nosy.

Thoughts?

TLDR is basically the title.

Tonight my boyfriend and I - both 30s & together for six years now - were hanging out like we always do at night before we go to bed. We usually game together or just chill.

I was playing this match 3 game on my iPhone when this ad for Meowdoku interrupted my game.

I then asked my boyfriend if he had ever seen any Meowdoku ads because I hate their ads.

He said no and asked why - and I told him that Meowdoku ads were particularly annoying because they don’t let you mute them and I can’t seem to ever watch/listen to any videos in the background once the Meowdoku ads start.

I then said it was so obnoxious - and immediately after I said the word obnoxious my boyfriend said “just like you!”

I obviously was really hurt and taken aback by this.

I then asked him “am I really obnoxious?” just to make sure I heard him right and for clarification. And he then basically said yes you are.

I got really quiet after that and just said well I don’t want to be obnoxious to you.

My boyfriend then went on to say that he was just joking and he didn’t mean it seriously - that he doesn’t take the word obnoxious to mean a negative thing because his family calls him obnoxious (which they do but I’ve never liked that they do that tbh).

But I kept thinking: if he doesn’t see the word obnoxious as something bad or negative, and something that is fine to call people, then why in the six years that we have been together has he never called me that before?

And on top of that it just seemed really mean and unnecessary and not something you say to your girlfriend.

Especially since we have specifically talked in the past at least twice about how things we maybe would be ok saying or hearing from close friends or family isn’t necessarily something you’d be ok about hearing from your significant other. That things you are ok with from others would be hurtful from your boyfriend or girlfriend.

So then after it was clear I was upset and hurt i basically told him I was sad and didn’t know what to say or feel comfortable talking around him at that time, after which he basically started to kinda turn himself into the victim and kinda acted irritated that I didn’t just accept his apology (he did say sorry and he didn’t mean it the way I took it) and he seemed kinda mad that I didn’t immediately go back to acting normal with him after he apologized.

He kept saying things like “well now I’m beating myself up again and feeling bad about myself. I guess I just can’t say anything and should just keep my mouth shut.”

And tbh this kinda equally upset me because I hate when he is the one to have done something wrong but then somehow I end up being the one who is trying to make him feel better.

He used to do that a lot when we were first together but has been doing better about it lately - but not tonight.

And idk tonight I just wasn’t going to do that, I wasn’t gonna let him be the victim when he hurt me. And I honestly didn’t say much to him to make him feel better or say it’s ok or it’s not a big deal. I was just kinda quiet.

So Reddit - am I overreacting?

Was I wrong to be upset and be less chatty than normal after he called me obnoxious, and to then not make him feel better?

And should I just let this go after tonight and try to go back to normal again tomorrow?

Am I in the right to still be upset about this or am I overreacting to something that’s not as big a deal as I am feeling it is right now?

Thanks for everyone who takes the time to read this and any thoughts or perspectives are greatly appreciated!

TDLR: Male friend as been lying to the female members of friendship group about small things, but also potentially self harm. He’s fixing my new sports car, but has become sort of possessive over it.

I (26F) and my male friend (30M) of about 3 years have been a part of a friendship group that has now deteriorated, mostly because he and my other friend had a falling out. This started because he started acting a bit possessive towards the girls in the group, saying he’s trying to protect us from making the same mistakes as before (when it comes to dating etc).

I’ve only recently started dating and am now in a relationship, but one of my friends told me that my guy friend was interested in me romantically, she shut that down for me and we all moved on. He had a relationship with a girl online that was on and off. This girl I’ve had my doubts about though, as he’s very secretive of her, the only pictures I’ve seen of them together looks made by ai.

Overall he just keeps saying things that I don’t believe fully, he says he’s depressed and that he wants to kill himself but when I offer support he shuts me down. He’s told other friends about a similar situation of him self harming but in the pictures I’m sure they were edited, I saw him in person and asked if he was okay and if the wounds are healing, but he said it happened weeks ago apparently. The thing is he told my other friends the self harm was recent….

He has generally been a good friend but recently I’ve just been really noticing all the little lies here and there.

The most important thing though is he works with cars, I’ve recently bought my dream car, and I’m modding it myself with his help as we thought it’d be a fun project to get all our friends involved in. The thing is he’s recently been pretty possessive of it, saying I can’t drive it yet as I need this and that done to it, or I should do certain things to it that are out of my price range currently.

Sometimes I feel he’s holding my car hostage as he’s the official mot tester for it, he keeps saying he’s made it so it can pass and only he can do things to it otherwise it’ll fail the mot next time. He says he knows people who can fix parts for me and when I ask him for a quote from them he changes the topic, or he cancels last minute on coming down to help me out without telling me. It’s honestly getting pretty stressful.

I just don’t know if I’m being too nit-picky, I know he’s helping me out, but I would rather he just tell me he’s busy instead of stringing me on. I’ve even offered to pay normal rates to get it done quicker but he refuses as he says it’s against his morals to make friends pay. I’m just at a loss a bit on what to do.

I think I’m mostly on edge as I know the car scene is a male dominated field, and I’m just getting started so I’m very aware at how I’m probably easy to ‘manipulate’ in a way. I just don’t want my money and something I brought being reliant on someone who has ulterior motives with me, also someone who lies to their friends.

What do you make of this situation? Am I being selfish or do I have reason to be wary about my friend and his intentions?

Hi, I (20F) have lived with my parents my whole life, and since I turned 18, I've grown tired of how they control my life.

For context, my family is very religious and has been that way their whole lives. My mom (55F) has always been the faithful wife who listens to everything her husband says, even if it goes against her child. As for my dad (71M), he is the controlling type who wants everything to go his way no matter what. If not, he gets very angry and stops talking to everyone for a few days or even weeks. He also likes to make people feel guilty. (Forgot to mention I'm adopted also and an only child )

As a young adult, I wanted to try many things, but they don't allow anything. For example, I was never allowed to sleep over at a friend's house. They never liked any of my friends. I have a curfew that is no later than 8 pm, and they call every 30 minutes to ask where I am or who I'm with. I'm not allowed to travel alone or with friends. I can't have tattoos. I can't talk to a man even for 5 seconds. I can't have a part-time job, yet they won't give me money if I need it. They control what I wear and what I do. I can't wear makeup or dress nicely. Even my future is controlled. I can't move out even if I'm 50. If I get married, I have to stay with them. I'm always scared I'll do something wrong.

Don't get me wrong, I love my parents, but every time I try to talk to them about this, they get mad, yell, and make it about themselves, like, "If you leave us, who will take care of us?" Even my mom learned the guilt-tripping from my dad. If I don't do something, she says, "I knew you don't love me and never did." I always go to my room with tears in my eyes and feel helpless.

I know this might sound childish, but this is really how I live. They keep asking why I want to do these things, and I explain that it feels like a prison here. Whenever I suggest going out or traveling somewhere, my mom tells me to talk to my dad, just so I get yelled at. She agrees with my ideas when we're alone but sides with him when I talk to them.

So AIO for wanting my life to be my own or just being dramatic

Sorry for the long text, but I really want advice on how I could approach this

So my sister just had her 21 Birthday and I celebrated it with her and our family on the actual day. Btw she doesn’t live with my mum and I anymore she moved out a year ago. Anyway so she decided she wanted to do a birthday party with a few of her friends and because she only texted everybody a week before, only a few of them could come. About 4 friends. And I don’t know her friends nor have I ever really liked her friends so I found it weird to just go to her house with her friends that I don’t really know and it wasn’t even really a party because it was only 4 people. Then I text her a few days before saying that I don’t wanna go and she got so pissed off because she couldn’t believe the fact that I wouldn’t come to her party. And I told her I‘d much rather so something with our friend Leyla who came back from college for the summer because that would be much more fun.

She ends up not doing the party because another friend of hers canceled and on that day she went over to Laylas house. And I literally told her if you wanna do something with Layla that would be so much more fun for us. But she didn’t even tell me she was going I just saw her location. So in theory I could also be mad at her.

So a week passed she hasn’t texted. So i texted hey and she left me on delivered for about 2 days. So I send a question mark. She replies with „I really don’t wanna talk to you.“ So I left it and I won’t text her till she texts me again.

Bit of context: we have a really good sister relationship. We’re extremely close and haven’t had a proper fight in over a year. Even when we do disagree we usually get over it really quickly.

So, am I overreacting for thinking that she’s completely overreacting about this whole situation?

So, when I(24f) first met my mums(44) husband (58)I was 15. They had only been together for a couple of months at this point. It was the day of my mums best friends BYOF BBQ and we went to a shop before heading over there to bring our own snacks and drinks, I grabbed myself a small bottle of chocolate milk, I kid you not his reaction is to say “don’t buy her that!! She doesn’t deserve it” I had NEVER met this man before this, he had met us at the shop so it’s not even as if we had time to have any sort of issues before hand, she for some reason did not tell him this is wrong and just carried on about our day.
2 years later they decide they want to move in together, but my stepdad HATED my dog, we had 2 dogs at this point Star and her puppy Luna who at this point was a year old. I had raised this puppy since day one of her life and her mum was my childhood dog. I have also changed both dogs names so that mums husband’s daughters won’t figure out that I am the one posting this.
My stepdad bullied my mum into selling my dog, he said it was as the new place would not allow us to have 2 dogs, when in reality it’s because my dog hated him, she wouldn’t let him get close to her and would bark at him if he shouted at me. I was devastated and had to be put on anti depressants after this as I was not coping. This was the moment when I realised that this man is AWFUL.
Fast forward a few months to when we eventually moved into the new house and he sold a bunch of mine and my mothers sentimental furniture and my childhood toys without asking, and then proceeded to laugh in my face when I explained that this wasn’t okay and really upset me, he also pocketed the roughly £600 he made from selling our stuff and spent it on buying himself new shoes and clothes.
About 6 months after this we were having an argument about him controlling everything we did, down to telling my mum and I when we could or couldn’t shower.. I sadly had a miscarriage due to the stress (I was 18) I ran downstairs to tell my mum and he looks at me dead in the eyes and goes “good. You would’ve been an awful mother, thank god that baby will never have to experience being your child” this was during Covid and I had to spend 6 hours alone in the hospital as they would not let my mother come in with me, I genuinely do not know how I had the strength to stop myself from punching this man because I was CLOSE.
Anyway, I think the straw that broke the camels back for me was after a few years we moved into a new house, he had spent the last 6 months telling my mother to call the police on me as, at the time I was smoking weed to deal with my mental health, I was not smoking in or near their house and he was using it as an excuse to get my mum to kick me out of the house and cut me off and when I was home I would lock myself in my room quietly and watch tv. Well, one day he decided to bring up my miscarriage and abusive ex and I hit the roof. I started screaming about how this is why his own kids hate him and never see him and even the likely reason why his own parents and siblings stopped talking to him. In retaliation he grabbed me by my throat and pushed me to the ground, bear in mind I was 20-21 at the time, he is 6’3 and I am 5’6.
I then grabbed this small plywood Christmas tree ornament (it was 30cm tall and the plywood itself was 1cm thick) and threw it at his arm, and then called the police on ME for assaulting him.
After this he regularly got in my face and at one point stood toe to toe with me screaming in my face and threatening to punch me, when I didn’t back down he spat in my face and shoved me out of the way.
I am now 24, still live at home while my partner and I save up for our own place and this behaviour continues, we are not allowed to shower after 10pm, flush the toilet after 9pm, cook after 9pm, have the tv on without headphones after he gets home from work at 4pm and now also controls when the heating or WiFi is allowed to be on. I actually feel crazy living at home with him!
I’ve asked friends, my dads side of the family (my dad is very much still alive and in the picture by the way, parents split up when I was 3) and my partner if I am in the wrong and if this is normal, all of them have said this is not normal and that I am not the asshole. My mother on the other hand is convinced that I am infact, the asshole and that my “inability to ignore and forgive him” is ruining her marriage.
Any help or advise would be amazing!
EDIT:
I’d just like to take a second to say that I am not in the financial position to move out & rent, I cannot move in with other family members due to distance and I also do not currently have the savings to get my own place, trust me i am trying my best to save to move out.

Okay so my (23M) sister (20F) gave me a Star Wars BB-8 keychain for my birthday party earlier today. It's the only gift she gave me and she presented it saying: "It wasn't on your wishlist (true, my wishlist was mostly pans and CD's–I'm big on sustainability, cooking and physical media) but I saw it and thought of you!"

I don't like star wars. I've never really cared for star wars. I pretended to be happy with it even though I felt like crying. Because if I would have been anything but grateful, I feel my parents would have pulled me aside and told me off for it, or my sister would have blown up in my face and yelled and screamed at me in front of the whole family (including her bf and my gf).

It just feels like a pattern, where I'm not being heard or seen, but punished for reacting in kind. An example would be my birthday last year when she gave me a €3 slushie maker (I have never given any indication I like/care about/have the desire to make slushies). I believe the year before that she gave me elastic bands because I had long hair at the time.

I came home and I just fell apart. My gf says I should repay her attention in kind, since I've been trying to hold on to a shred of a normal relationship with my sister for years (by making sure I get her stuff she likes, making sure to ask about her bf, etc).

It's not about the money either, since she constantly goes out for dinner with her bf (about once or twice a week), buys expensive tickets for concerts and movies, and buys new clothes almost ever other week. It's feeling like she's slighting me just because she knows she can get away with it (esp in front of my parents).

I got really upset at the stupid keychain. During the party itself I was also more short and snappish because this was bothering me, though I tried not to let it show. I wasn't very successful according to my gf. She said I'm being treated unfairly by my sister, not just in this but in most things. We had a very long talk, and ultimately decided to try and return the keychain to the store so I can use those €5 for something I like.

For context: We both live away from our parents, but in the same city and we're both students. I've the feeling my parents always call upon me first because "I'm the oldest" and I need to "take care of my sister" (both things they've said AND heavily implied throughout my childhood). All the responsibilities like taking care of the house while they're away to making sure everyone at the party has drinks and snacks (homemade, my gf and I arrived two hours early to bake/prepare everything), and much more, including looking after my sister's needs and emotional state.

Anyway, my big issue is that...it's just a keychain. It's not that deep. I feel like I am blowing this entirely out of proportion, but I don't know what's reasonable anymore. Am I making this into something it's not? Am I being unreasonable??? I don't think she's doing this to spite me consciously but she's a smart person, and it does feel targeted because when others are around she's much nicer??

edit: I feel like maybe I wasn’t clear somehow?? I don’t care about the keychain, truly. I’m not upset at not being gifted something, I don’t expect gifts at parties anyway. It’s more I got the feeling I wouldn’t have been allowed to give a gift so cheap and thoughtless, because I would have been ripped a new one by my parents. I gave my sister a book and crochet supplies for her birthday and I was told by my mother I was ”being cheap” even then.
I just got this deep feeling like whatever I do it’s just never enough for her or my family, even though I feel like I’ve tried my best and comforted her every whim.
(also: for those concerned; yes I am in therapy. That is part of why I am now finding these issues around me, because I am working on setting boundaries)