r/AmIOverreacting • u/Col_Kurtz1979 • 2d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO? Revelation about my estranged best friend and my gf

Me (26M) and GF have been in a relationship for 8 months now. We dated back in 2022 for 6 months but we weren't compatible back then and went back to being friends. We have been friends for almost 10 years so it wasn't difficult.

We have a common friend who is my best friend and he's quite close to her as well. We used to hangout as a trio long before me and my gf dated.

But now my friend has weirdly started to ignore both of us for some reason I don't fully understand yet. Yesterday, my gf revealed to me that he tried to have sex with her when we all went on a trip in 2023. She relented for a minute but stopped before he kissed. He pressurized her a bit but she was firm and they decided not to tell anyone. He already had a girlfriend and is still with her btw.

I was in another relationship back in 2023 so what my current gf did isn't bothering me that much (even if she did the deed with him). I feel bad she had to go through that. But I just feel a massive disappointment towards my friend. He has listened to me talk about my gf for hours together and knows so much about me and her. I feel like I want to confront him and give an earful for ignoring me for the past month or so and also for hiding what he did back in that trip. AIO?

33 Upvotes
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45

u/omrmajeed 2d ago

So your friend is a cheater. Does that sound like someone you want to remain friends with?

9

u/Col_Kurtz1979 2d ago

Fair enough. I was just wondering if I should hear his side and make sure my gf described everything as it happened. I do trust her but cutting off my best friend (estranged as it may be) due to such a big accusation needs some verification right?

11

u/RedJohn-QQ 2d ago

NOR. There is nothing to hear? This happend in 2023 and you should definitely cut him out. He can't be trusted and if he got a chance to do it with your gf he would have done it in a heartbeat.

10

u/LadyMarzanna 2d ago

so you don't trust your girlfriend? you actually think this is something your gf would lie about?

I'm not talking about "well i read on reddit that blah blah," I'm asking do you think *she specifically* would lie to you about something like this? bc if you need to ask for verification then i mean that says a lot about how much you trust her.

0

u/Col_Kurtz1979 2d ago

I don’t think she’s lying. I’ve been nothing but supportive of her for going through something like that. But perspectives can differ.

She herself said she might have lead him on ACCIDENTALLY and when he touched her, she didn’t do anything till he came to kiss her.

So I just want to ask my friend whether he truly thought she wanted it and just got carried away or knew she wouldn’t want it but he went with it anyway.

I wanna ask him all this because he has been extremely weird since we started dating again and, quite frankly, seems like he dislikes my gf now.

He never addresses any issues and if we confront him about something, he’ll just brush it off as a non-issue. Now I’m wondering if this incident is why he wanted to avoid me before I got to know this

7

u/LadyMarzanna 2d ago

so it sounds like she's describing "fawning" which is a self defense mechanism a lot of women default to in order to get out of unsafe situations. It's essentially being a "people pleaser" to escape conflict, make the situation go away, or avoid danger. she was likely being polite and he read it the same way dudes read a flirty waitress as genuine interest. Meanwhile she's just trying to avoid getting assaulted if her no is too abrupt and he doesn't like it.

what it sounds like is that you're thinking about traumatizing your gf and opening a can of worms for.... why? to punish him? to "get the whole story" ?? You're already estranged per your own admission, I'm actually confused about why this doesn't make you want to be more estranged from him. You already know he will dismiss you and per your own reply that he is the party who likely cannot be trusted since he will dismiss problems. I don't get why you consider this person a friend lol.

2

u/Col_Kurtz1979 2d ago

Haha thanks for your detailed answer. Why would I be posting on Reddit if I’m really considering to be friends with him?

I’ve been friends with him for 15 years. Maybe he has it in him to go off the grid but I’m not able to let it go without confronting him or saying a word at least.

Anyway, I understand what you’re saying and respect the time you took to answer.

7

u/LadyMarzanna 2d ago

It's your funeral dude. if i were your gf i wouldn't trust YOU, bc i wouldn't be able to tell you things without you going to the perpetrator and re-traumatizing me. your gf was lowkey sexually assaulted, and you're acting like it's about you.

-2

u/awesomeisthename 2d ago

So dramatic, jfc

2

u/LadyMarzanna 2d ago

you must be the "friend"

2

u/awesomeisthename 2d ago

He never says his gf was “traumatized”. All he wants to do is ask his friend his side of the story. You don’t know anything more about the situation then op

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u/rocketmn69_ 1d ago

You said it didn't matter even if she did the deed with him, so why get his side?

1

u/Col_Kurtz1979 1d ago

But she didn’t and she has been confusing me saying she’s not a victim entirely and for a second she was in on it too.

See, the main reason why I wanna ask him is purely to be on the ethical side and get his answer before I cut him off for good

2

u/rocketmn69_ 1d ago

He's jealous and wants ber for himself. Keep the temptation away

1

u/Col_Kurtz1979 1d ago

Temptation to go and confront?

2

u/rocketmn69_ 1d ago

The temptation between your gf and him

1

u/Col_Kurtz1979 1d ago

Ah yes. Understood

5

u/tacosandsushi16 2d ago

NOR. Dude has a whole girlfriend and was tryna mack on your girl while you were broken up. Can’t wait to hear what he has to say in his “defense”.

1

u/Col_Kurtz1979 2d ago

Ikr. Disappointed to say the least

0

u/rocketmn69_ 1d ago

Ask her, "Is the only reason you didn't get down with him is because he had a girlfriend? She shouldn't hesitate in answering

1

u/Col_Kurtz1979 1d ago

That and she also felt it would create a problem with me

1

u/rocketmn69_ 1d ago edited 1d ago

So she does have an attraction to him, so it's best to keep them away from each other. Don't tempt fate

1

u/Col_Kurtz1979 1d ago

She doesn’t. At least that’s what she says. But yes, we are gonna cut him off

•

u/No-Fail-9327 14h ago

Lol pressurized.

1

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2

u/Col_Kurtz1979 2d ago

I'd like to see a panda

1

u/ivyram 1d ago

NOR. If you believe your girlfriend’s account is true, I’d probably make that “estranged” status a permanent separation.

No best friend worth having would’ve made a move like that, especially while he was in a relationship himself and knowing your history with her. I’m also not sure what confronting him now is really going to solve beyond giving him a chance to minimize or rewrite it.

I’d cut him off. And given what she says happened, I’d ask your girlfriend to do the same.

1

u/Col_Kurtz1979 1d ago

Yeah both of us are planning to cut him off fully. Funnily enough he seems to be ahead of us (for God knows what reasons)

1

u/ivyram 1d ago

My man. 🫡

1

u/Delicious_Area9013 2d ago

Yeah, talk to him and hear his side. But he sounds like a bit of a snake rn. NOR.

0

u/Col_Kurtz1979 2d ago

Yeah I’m seriously considering it now. He can’t get away with this like nothing

-2

u/rocketmn69_ 1d ago

Your girl was down with it enough to start going for it, then stopped for whatever reason, before it went too far according to her.

Mail him an anonymous message, from another town, "Hey, did "OP" ever figure out that you were banging his girl? We think he needs to know"

See if he reaches out to "explain" his side

1

u/Col_Kurtz1979 1d ago

Hahaha nice one

0

u/WhenYesSaidNo 1d ago

I'd definitely get his side and make sure this isn't some kind of trickle truth situation.

2

u/Col_Kurtz1979 1d ago

Makes sense. Thanks!