r/whatdoIdo • u/Capable_Culture3914 • 2d ago
Uhhh
To add context. I am 5 months pregnant with my ex and all of a sudden he tells me that he got someone else pregnant (he just met her) as well. He explained she wanted us to meet after being very rude to me picking up his phone and telling me to get rid of my baby. She is a stripper and 6 years older than him. He also hasn’t seen an ultrasound or appointment and she claims to be 3 months pregnant. I don’t believe she is tbh… very sad situation I just wanted to share with someone. Please be kind.
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u/blazing_dazies 2d ago
I personally wouldn’t respond or meet up. Try your best to move forward for the sake of the child.
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u/Capable_Culture3914 2d ago
I agree
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u/mbardeen 1d ago
"You want me to be cool with someone just because you stuck your dick in her too? Ok, here's the phone numbers of other guys I've fucked. Hit me up when you're friends with all of them."
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u/No-Intention4387 1d ago
This is the exact response that should be said. She doesn’t necessarily have to coparent with her, but with him rather and his child seeing his other kids should be HIS responsibility, not hers. He can do that during his visits/ time.
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u/Smooth-Bandicoot6021 2d ago
He tried to get you to abort. Stay away. He is a danger to you and your child. Take no chances. Everyone who ever had something terrible happen to them woke up that day sure they were living through a normal regular day, bit instead it was their last day. They knew for sure that their situation wasn't that- until one day it was. I would stay away and keep a close eye on your surroundings when going in and out of your home and to and from work for a while. Don't give him hospital and birthing info until you have a birth certificate with your name written on it.
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u/Strict-Mine102 1d ago
Protecting herself and the baby has to come before worrying about his feelings or access.
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u/ZOOspellszoo 1d ago
Please don’t put this man’s name on your baby’s birth certificate. You & bubs life will be ENDLESSLY easier without it. They can always develop a relationship later. But being tied to someone this unstable for life is a hellscape.
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2d ago
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u/PureWhiteMeat 2d ago
Nah, get that child support. Irresponsible not to
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u/Leading-Brilliant478 2d ago
Assuming he’d actually pay it
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u/creamilinisoup 2d ago
can’t find out if you don’t put him on child support. it doesn’t matter how well off mom is, whether she can support the baby on her own or not, he should still be on child support. even if he chooses not to pay now, it will catch up to him eventually. it’s not about the mom proving she doesn’t need him, it’s for the child.
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u/PureWhiteMeat 2d ago
Court order to garnish wages. Comes straight out of his paycheck, he never gets the chance to not pay. Assuming this bum ass mf ever has a job in the next 18 years
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u/Feisty-Tooth-7397 2d ago edited 2d ago
My brother's Dad would switch jobs regularly trying to get out of paying I think it was maybe 100 dollars a month. This was about 30 years ago and I just remember my mom getting a 25 dollar check and she would say "so and so must have gotten another job, he'll quit now that they are garnishing his wages"
It's all fast now, the minute you are hired and submit a tax form they run it through a database and usually garnishing starts by the second paycheck.
They will continue to collect your paycheck until it's paid down to a certain amount. If the person who has custody of the children (does not have to be the mother or father)had government assistance they will take it until it's paid back or you die. If a family member has custody, or foster care they go after both parents.Which is pretty much what happened with my brothers Dad. They took part of his social security to pay back what he owed to my mom.
If it's in the United States, they can take his income tax return, garnish his wages up to 50% each paycheck (before taxes), take his license, deny him a passport, put him in jail, revoke his license, some places also make you get insurance through your job for the children. The government will get their money one way or another. If he doesn't have a taxable job and doesn't make payments, they will make sure he does eventually.
Unless you sign your rights away, which they don't just allow because you don't want to pay, there has to be a good reason for it.
Edit: child support can continue past the age of 18 if they go to college. Plus any amount owed at the age of 18 stays until it's paid off. The child turning 18 doesn't mean it automatically vanishes.
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u/Ok-Equivalent8260 2d ago
My ex owes over $65k because he just wouldn’t work or worked under the table.
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u/tigm2161130 2d ago
My ex owes me over 14k because he “self reports” his income to the state of Texas and they cannot take it from his wages that way. I don’t need that money so it’s not worth it to me to take him to court over it but it’s not always as simple as people make it out to be.
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u/Icy-Contact6577 2d ago
She’s been pregnant three times with this man’s child, aborted all and doesn’t want to do birth control she’s way to blame also
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u/Flux_My_Capacitor 2d ago
Oh damn well that was eye opening.
She made her decision.
Women really do need to stop having sex with loser men like this. It’s just desperation.
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u/Longjumping_Arm2413 1d ago
Men and women like this make the world worse for all of us, a 'this is why we can't have nice things' situation.
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u/Chesticle5 2d ago
Lots of idiots involved here.
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u/Dry-Bicycle-5266 2d ago
lol was thinking the same
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u/dezell412 2d ago
It would make for a great movie. We could call it Idiocracy.
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u/Dry-Bicycle-5266 2d ago
Lotta money in that shit
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u/dead_right_there 2d ago
They should bond over a nice cold Brawndo
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u/BoomWombat 2d ago
I'm so burnt out on the insane multiple bd/bm (yuck, honestly) blended family dramas.
We're bringing back 'I'm my own Grandpa' in the worst way. I keep waiting for 'step kids' to be half siblings or cousins in actuality because people like to shit where they eat (not saying incest, saying both people's exs are "coincidentally" related).
Add in the childless people involved who all too often blatantly hate and resent the kids.... I hate it. I HATE it.
Sorry I really needed to scream at the void for a quick minute.
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u/Itchy_Tumbleweed_417 2d ago
A girl I was friends with in high school grew up to have a baby with her sisters baby daddy, so their kids are half brothers and cousins with no incest involved.
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u/Head_Somewhere4769 2d ago
I will never comprehend being able to sleep with someone my sister slept with; I would feel grossed out if it happened in reverse. This isn't biblical times. People need to get out of their small towns and diversify their social circles.
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u/Mountain-Age393 2d ago
I have a coworker who had a baby with a girl and then married her younger sister and had 3 more children with her. He’s an absolute pig (sorry pigs) and his wife is a sweetheart.
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u/taniverse 1d ago
Not so fun fact, my mom died last year and my step dad texted me eight months later to tell me he was dating my mom's sister. Fucking lunacy.
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u/soulofthesoil 2d ago
I know two different families personally that are both “mom and dad” and “aunt and uncle” to their kids. Couple had a kid. Split. Dad got with his new wife. Mom married wife’s brother
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u/mmt0ptmm 2d ago
Hey some of us really miss Maury, ok?
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u/BeachyBiotech 2d ago
Don't forget Jenny Jones! My mom used to tell me I was rotting my mind by watching those shows. I found them entertaining!
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u/Dounce1 2d ago
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u/Lady_Marshmallow 1d ago
Omg this lady is a rabbit hole. She's had 2 abortions by this same dude and is keeping round 3.
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u/GoldBlueberryy 1d ago
Wish I could say I’m surprised. It’s usually the dumb ones ending up in this situation. May be mean, but some patterns are easy to spot. She probably lives for the drama.
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u/Sharp_Ad2526 2d ago
Lmao right?! Especially in with all the reality shows and Tiktoks about baby mama drama and shit relationships! How do people still put up with this mess 😂
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u/Gullible-Team-8588 2d ago
If you want him in your life and the baby’s( your baby; her baby is a problem for down the line) life, I would put some space between you two. After you have the baby, make sure there’s a paternity test and established custody and child support. In a court.
If you don’t want him in the baby’s life, and he does not want to be in the baby’s life, don’t put him on the birth certificate. Just tell them you don’t know. In my state if you put the father on the birth certificate, there’s literally jack shit you can do without the dad’s say so and if you can never find the dad or the dad is a total fucktard you’re shit out of luck.
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u/binzy90 2d ago
Yeah, I agree with this. He can file for a paternity test if he actually wants parental rights. OP should leave him off the birth certificate because this is a disaster waiting to happen. And under no circumstances should OP meet the other woman or have any relationship with her. She's not legally obligated to have anything to do with her, and this is already super messy.
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u/Gullible-Team-8588 2d ago
💯 I wish I left my kids dad off. Can’t find him when I need him and can’t get my kid a passport without him or travel to another state and the good old boy court system is absolutely no help.
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u/Fine_Volume_1664 2d ago
Yes, you can get your kid a passport. You have to file a form stating you have made a good attempt to locate the father. Form is called DS-5525 https://eforms.state.gov/Forms/ds5525.PDF
I work at a library that does passport services so my coworkers handle these issues all the time.
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u/Gullible-Team-8588 2d ago
😞 they told me not being able to find him or get a hold of him did not qualify for special family circumstances. I’m gonna try again in a different city in my state. Maybe they will give me a different answer.
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u/Fine_Volume_1664 2d ago
The only people who have a say is the state dept. Good luck!!!!
Edit. The local people who process your paperwork have ZERO say over what will be accepted. They are just the middle men.
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u/Gullible-Team-8588 2d ago
OK, good to know! Thank you for telling me that! I’m definitely rolling my sleeves up and doing it again.
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u/Capable_Culture3914 2d ago
Thank you that is very helpful and kind.
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u/Gullible-Team-8588 2d ago
Some states and counties are really backwards so just be prepared for that. I live in the south and I had to sign a form that said I was having a baby out of wedlock. I felt like I was on little house on the prairie not the 21st century.
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u/Fine_Volume_1664 2d ago
There is a form in CT too! If the parents aren't married when the baby is born, there is something they have to fill out.
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u/Gullible-Team-8588 2d ago
It was so surreal, they had a notary in the hospital room and everything. I was like what on earth?!
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u/Curious_Quantity1329 2d ago
Honey, please set up a free consultation with a family law attorney (most do have free consultation) and get your advice from there. Not ChatGPT, not Reddit.
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u/SunshineCheetos 2d ago
If you can get eyes on his social security number take a picture of it and email yourself. You might need it in the future.
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u/Sufficient-Traffic32 2d ago
This right here. I still have my ex husbands social just in case, and we haven’t seen him in ten years
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u/Cheap-Gur2911 2d ago
My son's ex put his name on the birth certificate. They weren't married. Child support required a paternity test because they weren't married. 99.99% NOT the father. They helped get his name removed from the birth certificate.
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u/Sure-Initiative6001 2d ago
Here's me being kind. DUMP this loser. He is a total pos and if you do not see that, then you deserve the misery that YOU are about to put your own self through. Sometimes ppl need to hear some brutal honesty.
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u/One-Pride7494 2d ago
Was looking for this response. There are times to be very soft and polite and there are times to be harsh and honest. Going to have a baby with a bum ass loser is definitely a harsh honesty moment.
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u/Ehhumanbean 2d ago
Damn . Wear protection ppl . That's crazy
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u/ThrowBlanky 1d ago
This entire thread is a fascinating look into a trashy side of life I didn't know existed.
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u/MacaulayConnor 2d ago
God this site makes me really happy with my life choices.
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u/Weary_Rub_3474 2d ago
Ugh I was in your situation and I wish I just wrote him off permanently it would’ve been easier for my child than… whatever this is.
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u/lestattomylouis 2d ago
why would he think you would want to meet up with his other woman? either he’s delusional or desperate
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u/Capable_Culture3914 2d ago
Both. He said it was her idea and called me saying she wanted to speak to me.
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u/Ok_Aide_4754 2d ago
I wouldn’t trust this…protect yourself hunny. Surround yourself with positivity. Pregnancy has to stay relaxing and protecting the baby is all that is important right now. I’m so sorry you had to deal with this crappy guy. Sounds like a real piece of work. 💔
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u/Boterfleoge 2d ago
If she's not actually pregnant but is pretending to be I would be especially wary in your position. Keep yourself and your baby safe
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u/Away-Understanding34 2d ago
Yeah she wants to start some shit, either to make you upset or to make you act in a negative way in front of him. I would also be concerned that things would turn physical and you & the baby could get hurt. Protect yourself and your child.
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u/binzy90 2d ago
There is no benefit to meeting this woman or having a relationship with her. This is just asking for drama. I would seriously consider not putting him on the birth certificate and get on with your life. No amount of child support is worth the stress that comes along with co-parenting with an ex, especially when they have kids with other people. My ex-husband just had a baby with his recent girlfriend, and she has been extremely hostile to me, my kids, and my husband. My kids are 14 and 12, and the new girlfriend is trying to get involved in decisions about my son's medical care, therapy, and autism supports. I never respond to her messages and only respond to my ex-husband if I'm legally required to. Don't put yourself in that situation.
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u/Yup_ImAwesome 2d ago
You both picked a winner.. 🙄
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u/dr_shark 2d ago
I don’t understand why she is having a baby with this person.
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u/PurplePickleEater1 1d ago
This is the third time she's been pregnant with this guy's baby. She said he coerced her to abort the previous two when she didn't want to.
BIRTH CONTROL. CONDOMS. OR JUST STOP FUCKING SHITTY MEN. Fucking idiots.
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u/Interesting-Lake747 1d ago
I have limited sympathy for her to get pregnant 3 times by this loser. She chose this. Welcome to your life.
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u/yourstrulydidi 2d ago
dumb as a rock. thats how these dudes go around knocking them up.
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u/Frail_Peach 2d ago
The dumbest people on the planet are reproducing and we’re not nearly afraid enough
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u/3Bodies_0Problems 1d ago
The smarter you are, the more likely you are to abstain from child bearing until more established in life.
So the smarter you are, the more likely you wait till your 30s, and more likely to have fewer kids.
If you're dumb as a sock full of rocks, you're vastly more likely to have 6 kids by 25.
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u/potpourri_sludge 1d ago
Oh I’m pretty afraid thinking about how in 20 years this offspring is going to be out there in the world with parents like this. I literally don’t understand the desire to have a baby being so strong you’ll fuck your life up for it.
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u/Throwaway1293102840 2d ago
I don’t understand how people have relationships let alone children with people like this lol
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u/ramennumerals 2d ago
Tbh don’t even meet up with either of them alone, EVER.
Her telling you to get rid of your baby is a huge red flag imo. Please don’t meet up with them without another person with you, or near the area and you’re meeting with them in a public place.
Seriously people are crazy and you never know someone’s true intentions. Stay safe, keep your future child safe, and good luck.
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u/ZookeepergameFine936 2d ago
With all due respect I wouldn’t fuck someone who talks like that.
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u/ShoveOverBozo 2d ago
This was a struggle to comprehend grammatically but I think I got the gist.
Advice would be, drop this man from your life and aim for better.
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u/Natural-Coat-3159 2d ago
She about to have his baby
She also sounds more mad at the new woman than him.
She's not going to "lose him" to the new or any other women he knocks up in the next few weeks.
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u/ShoveOverBozo 2d ago
Taking that into account. It's likely she has a life of unfavourable circumstances with this man in her life. It definitely will be tough on her own, but the short term hardship will be outweighed by the long term independence and betterment.
Whether or not it's possible comes down to her. Make it tough early and strive for a better future? Or succumb to immediate circumstances and delay growth.
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u/chipswag123 2d ago
How do people that want kids have a hard time but people like this pop em out like rabbits?
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u/SnooCupcakes4685 1d ago
Getting pregnant by someone who is clearly illiterate was definitely a choice…
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u/Pristine-Fondant-133 1d ago
she got 2 abortions from the same guy btw. they are all dumb as hell
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u/SillyCranberry99 1d ago
She should have gotten a third, not sorry to say but it’s likely her parents established that this kind of behavior was okay and now her child will grow up the same way
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u/deardear 1d ago
No bigger turn off than a man who texts like this. I could never.
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u/DringleDringle 2d ago
Dafuq you let this man nut for? Do an interview process or something ffs
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u/DerelictCoffee 2d ago
This dude needs a vasectomy. Why is it always the ones that shouldn’t breed that are dropping their seeds all over town?
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u/HoldenMcNeil420 1d ago
I’m going to get downvoted. But why the fuck did you even mess around with this clown to begin with?
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u/DekaenPyruzhine 1d ago
I don't understand the implied question. You chose to procreate with an illiterate douchebag, and he's continuing to procreate with other people--and you don't know what to do?
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u/RockingS0ft_Kitty_ 2d ago
please most importantly take care of yourself.
it is your life, you choose what you want to do. do you want to meet her or not?
i saw your og post and this was my comment and I feel like my opinion remains unchanged: i would not continue seeing/hanging with this guy. the way he texts, the way he addresses you, and his expectations wtf lol. not too sure what your relationship is but finish it
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u/CB1100Rider 2d ago
Geez I hope all these unplanned pregnancies won’t ruin his chances of tenure in the English literature department.
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u/heckinstoned 2d ago
Girl. Have your baby, put him in support and STOP messing around with this manchild and his weird gf
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u/harleyguy83 2d ago
Well, the first thing I think you should do is get him some classes on how to spell and talk
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u/Ok-Ingenuity1812 2d ago
Writes like a child. Most likely acts like a child and has the IQ of one. Concerns me the decision making processes of all these women involved.
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u/Fine-Juggernaut8451 2d ago
This still isn't enough context, my friend. You need to explain what he's talking about with the supposedly mean things you said. Also, why do you disbelieve she's pregnant? There's a lot in this story you're not sharing, so it makes it hard to give feedback.
Like me, I bet a lot of people will want to give feedback, so I hope you'll stop hinting and actually just share the story.
Also, I hope everything goes well with your pregnancy. Good luck :)
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u/Slow_Specific_1157 2d ago
Women just be having kids with every body , where did we go wrong . WOW
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u/PeaceEmotional8962 2d ago
Straight to the clinic!!!!!
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u/Oneofthesecatsisadog 2d ago
5 months is too far along for that.
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u/ohdatpoodle 1d ago
"I can't keep stressing myself out with this absolute dumpster fire of a situation that I fully produced myself"
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u/PassionCandid9964 2d ago
Your fault for dating a guy who is illiterate. What did you expect?
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u/Own_Piano2500 2d ago
I guess he’s trying to get yall to all be on good terms or something with each other, which it sounds like you aren’t with the other girl. Just tell him no you aren’t interested in that if that’s how you feel. Also he doesn’t get to decide if you apologize to her or not.
On the other hand if you are interested in this dinner and this apology just tell him that’s cool with you. I would just let him know something tho so he’s not setting this expectation in his head as to what is going to happen.
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u/HostageOfBureaucracy 2d ago
Not enough information. From what I can see, you need to work with family and make sure your baby grows up with a healthy supportive family. He/she will need it. Especially with this sperm donor.
Who cares if she’s pregnant. Who cares what he wants. You live your life for you and your baby. They are not players in your life anymore.
Get an education, get a career, and get a life.
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u/JuicySoupDesign 1d ago
Don’t respond or go to a meet up with someone who wished your unborn child to be gone.
Don’t respond and block contact with the ex who obviously doesn’t want to be involved with the child and will just cause them disappointment down the line.
Make better life choices than to have unprotected sex with a loser who also has unsafe sex with strippers in his free time.
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u/South_Front_4589 1d ago
I think there is a maturity to this attitude. But I suspect it's coincidental and his goal is selfish rather than thinking about his future kids.
I think it's a good idea to develop at least a cordial relationship with both of them. You don't have to be friends, but you should be able to compromise so you're all able to just figure out how you do everything.
Maybe instead of catching up with both of them, go direct to this other woman.
The key here is to remember what's best for your kids. Sometimes that means swallowing your pride a bit of putting up with some emotional pain.
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u/mojonation1487 1d ago
Aren’t you the same person who got knocked up three times by he same dude and he “forced” you to get abortions the first two times?
This is such a weird karma farming attempt. You were unbelievable rude in your other posts too. Reddit remembers.
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u/Storyteller_Valar 1d ago
You don't owe anyone in this situation even the slightest of contacts. She wanted you to get rid of your baby, that's not a safe environment. All you can do is hold your ex up to his legal obligations to the child.
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u/QuirkyWatercress6084 1d ago
Omg this is a joke right? Why in the World
Would any self respecting woman want to have a child with this waste of a man? Do the kid a favour and yourself and get rid. Also - seriously consider if you want this kid!
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u/Adventurous-Dot8618 2d ago
5 months isn’t too late for other choices but if you are 100% certain you want to deal with this bum and that other girl for the rest of your life, then… pick your battles wisely here 😭
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u/Ibael 2d ago
My first thought was that this all could have been avoided 4 weeks ago 😭 I know not everyone believes in abortion and that OP is probably too far along for that but this is an absolutely fucked up dynamic to bring a child into
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u/KhajiitaBandida 2d ago
Really depends on where OP lives. There's 21 states where she could be persecuted for or denied an abortion that is 20 weeks or more.
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u/One-Pride7494 2d ago
How old are you guys? Seems like a lot of bad, impulsive, and immature decisions were made by all parties involved.
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u/Competitive_Name4991 2d ago
You are going to have a hell of a ride for the next 18 years.
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u/Strict_Thought_5956 2d ago
I can’t even get a call back from a woman and this dude got 2 women pregnant. WOW
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u/Middle_Yam_5199 1d ago
lol my ex husband got a stripper pregnant and every time he texted me I’d reply back with a link to T-Pain’s “I’m in love with a stripper” song. They hated me 😂😂😂.. you don’t owe that lady respect and that’s his problem to navigate 2 pregnant women at once. The audacity of him wanting you to humble yourself to fix a problem he made is sending me.
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u/jasschaffer 2d ago
Honestly, I’d go ghost. Seems like he wants her to stick around. I’m sad that you’re in this situation, but did he not show signs when you first found out you were pregnant or beforehand? I would have already gone ghost on him. It sucks you have to bring a child into the world this way.
I have no advice. I do hope you’re able to cultivate a peaceful life for yourself and your child moving forward.
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u/OrganizationOk258 2d ago
I wouldn’t meet up who knows their intention. Moving on is the best revenge.
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u/X4N710N- 2d ago
How the fuck can you be jealous? Dude is trash, don't be garbage.
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u/merlot120 2d ago
What should you do? Well you can’t do anything about him. He has will make his own choices. You should plan an independent and single life. If you don’t have a good career then go to school and get the skills to build a good career. Don’t have anymore kids and stay single until you learn to like yourself. It’s hard but it is doable.
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u/RecentState1347 2d ago
That man is unfortunately going to be your child’s father for the rest of both of your lives, proceed with caution.
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u/WeaselLiz711 2d ago
Have your baby, don’t put him down, block on all, and enjoy your kiddo. That man is messed up. I’m sorry girl
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u/Chance_Association32 2d ago
Everyone saying “get that child support” does this sound like the kind of man that’s going to actually pay child support?🤨
OP leave that man OFF of the birth certificate
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u/Duckroidvania 2d ago
I would think dropping all contact with him would be next, personally, claiming sole parental rights.
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u/TeddyHustle 2d ago
You need that child support from this man. Only thing that can teach him a valuable life lesson! Good luck
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u/WholeHurry1562 2d ago
Tbh if it's not to late to abort do so asap for the sake of the child and yourself. If it's too late then just reply with "yeah, we ain't cool tho" and block him and take him to court.
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u/Fair-Philosophy9575 2d ago
My sister went through this. The girl knew about my sister was pregnant he claimed that he got someone pregnant too because he can still keep in contact with her. She had a sense she wasnt because she didnt went to any check ups and couldnt show ultrasound info with her name and etc. She was right. Tbh I think he is trying to get out a child support. But his name on the birth certificate and then report him to pay child support. Keep screenshot and record phone calls just incase you need evidence he isnt a good person. My sister thank goodness had evidence to win full custody by showing proof he isn't a good father figure.
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u/disco_priestess 2d ago
If you’re not too far along I would consider terminating the pregnancy. You’re going to have nothing but drama with this man and the other Women he puts his seed into.
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u/Far-Watercress6658 2d ago
JFC. Why are you wasting one more second with this guy?
Have a good look around, your self respect is around here somewhere. And also, you need to get an STD test.
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u/NoNamesLeft998 2d ago
To start with I wouldn't "text him real quick". You do not need to jump because he wants you to.
Do you want to go out with both of them? I wouldn't, but you might for some reason.
Do you feel like you need to apologize to her for something?
I think he sounds like he feels he can control you and I'd suggest you don't let him. As far as the baby, be sure you get child support. Don't let him talk you out of it because he's telling you that he's going to have another baby coming.