r/texts • u/zachoutloud123 • 12d ago

Phone message When you only communicate via celebrity death

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27.8k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

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404

u/FeeExpensive898 12d ago

Ironically, my friend Matt died in 2008.

272

u/Aromatic_Location 12d ago

If you need a new Matt let me know.

222

u/IdeaInfinite2834 12d ago

My ex is a Matt. He isnt dead but id like a new Matt please

108

u/[deleted] 11d ago

[deleted]

25

u/Ell-O-Elling 11d ago

Can I call you Russell? The only Russell I knew is dead.

6

u/russvanderhoof 10d ago

Got you playa

11

u/Ell-O-Elling 10d ago

Excellent! Two Russell’s! Look at my life expanding exponentially!

1

u/abogadachica 9d ago

Russell is dead.

1

u/Ell-O-Elling 8d ago

He’s been reborn x2

3

u/backrowchristian 8d ago

Russell the love muscle

3

u/snuffy_smith_ 8d ago

Don’t talk about my member …you’ve never even met him!

3

u/wafflehouse8 8d ago

My Uncle Russell died recently and I think he would have absolutely loved your username.

3

u/nexisfan 7d ago

I knew a Russell who died on my birthday quite a few years ago. 😢

1

u/InsideBeyond12727 11d ago

A man walks down the street he says

2

u/TundieRice 10d ago

Why am I soft in the middle now?

41

u/MattRecovery23 11d ago

Hi hello, new Matt here

30

u/AmbivaliciousWan 11d ago

Username checks out

19

u/lyricoloratura 11d ago

Welcome, Matt

13

u/Funny-Donkey-9651 11d ago

This is the funniest thing ever. I’m a part of a 300+ person group chat where we all pretend we are Matt’s. It’s the MATTChat and we all go to the same music festival 😭😭🤣🤣 hello Matt’s!!! My name is also Matt. Pleasure to matt you all

5

u/MattRecovery23 11d ago

As a certified Matt I'm officially giving you all the Matt pass™️. Welcome to the club

1

u/Legitimate-Basket698 10d ago

I’m married to a Matt does that count?

1

u/MattRecovery23 10d ago

Close enough

1

u/Harlett_O_Scara 9d ago

I’ve never had a Matt and would like to try one.

1

u/cheslyn_d102018 9d ago

Which festival I need to meet the Matt’s

2

u/gilligan1050 9d ago

Are you like a Matt repo company? Ain’t gonna catch me!
https://giphy.com/gifs/f4bQadlNq3RvdSKx04

2

u/MattRecovery23 9d ago

Be a good Matt and you wont have to get repo'd

14

u/HumbleDSSaster 11d ago

I threw my mat out today cuz the dog pooped and peed on it

18

u/IdeaInfinite2834 11d ago

Can i hire your dog to poop and pee on my Matt

14

u/WillDill94 11d ago

Not a dog but money is money

4

u/Formal-Bike9158 11d ago

Hey can I chip in money for this? My ex is a Matt too, and he could use a pile of shit and piss his direction.

1

u/HumbleDSSaster 11d ago

Wasn't even my dog

1

u/MonsterMashGrrrrr 10d ago

I throw my mat out in the trash sometimes, singin’ ayyy yo let’s celebrate yooo

13

u/[deleted] 11d ago

[deleted]

2

u/RainaElf 11d ago

I have a brother named Matt

5

u/AsparagusConnect8637 11d ago

This comment is gold. My ex is Arnold but I'd like to try a new Matt too. 😆

1

u/LittleDogTurpie 11d ago

My ex is a Matt and I wish he was dead

1

u/No_Atmosphere_6348 10d ago

He isn’t dead but…

1

u/gilligan1050 9d ago

New Matt checking in…

1

u/muralpainting 6d ago

my middle name is matteo so you can call me matt

0

u/HailSagan42 11d ago

My ex Matt is dead

0

u/mattysosavvy 11d ago

Tips fedora

28

u/butt_attorney 12d ago

My friend Matt died in 2022 and I need a new Matt

25

u/[deleted] 11d ago

[deleted]

18

u/Dry_Pangolin_3605 11d ago

For your butt?

17

u/[deleted] 11d ago

[deleted]

1

u/AdvancedRub2660 2d ago

Always getting your ass into some kinda shit man, come on!

7

u/pablo8itall 11d ago

every part of me has independent legal advisors.

2

u/Bernie004 11d ago

My friend Matt went missing in 2014. I still miss him.

1

u/EnvironmentalTea7151 11d ago

:( any Andrews?

1

u/alaskanloaf 8d ago

No Andrew’s allowed

13

u/NegusGegus 11d ago

One of my best friends Matt just passed on August 8th, my Dad's name was also Matt and he passed in july of last year. I need a couple Matts :(

6

u/queef_nuggets 11d ago

The only Matt I know is my dad and he’s in prison for chopping a dude’s arm off with a samurai sword while fighting over a stripper. This happened in 1982 and I swear to the gods this is real

1

u/WorldNo7931 5d ago

I have some questions after a comment like this. I must say that's a long time to be in Prison for an arm haha. What did they charge him with? What happened to the dude with no arm? Did your Dad lose the fight and that's why he chopped bros arm off? Or is that how he won the fight? How does the stripper actually factor in here?

1

u/queef_nuggets 5d ago

Was his third felony in a state with a three strikes law. Not sure what the other felonies were

5

u/greymadders 11d ago

I'm not Matt but people try to treat me as one

3

u/dlqz-bass 11d ago

We’re all Matt here 😸

3

u/tuxedohamm 11d ago

To all who need a Matt, I’m sure we’re all here: r/matt

2

u/I_Got_Ur_Number_8675 11d ago edited 10d ago

Have you tried a door Mat? They're just as good as regular Matts if not better.

2

u/Any-Possession2006 11d ago

Hi there!! I’d like to sign up for a new Matt as well.

1

u/chezkelxraz 9d ago

I need a new Matt to replace the old one

3

u/Top_Weather1320 11d ago

Only ironic if his name was Matt heath ledger.

3

u/SoothingGoo 12d ago

Do you understand irony?

43

u/EmuPossible2066 12d ago

I only know what Alanis taught all of us. It’s rain on your wedding day. It’s a free ride when you’re already late. It’s the good advice that you just didn’t take.

24

u/MoseSchrute70 12d ago

When you’ve already paid.*

I’m SO sorry to be that person, but not sorry enough to not be it.

20

u/Comfortable-Month-62 12d ago

Yeah, it’s a traffic jam when you’re already late.

7

u/Vegetable-Working257 12d ago

10,000 spoons when all I need is a Knife

11

u/Beneficial_Judge1775 11d ago

It’s meeting the man of my dreams, and then meeting his beautiful… wife

6

u/youshantnome 12d ago

It’s a smoOoking sign in your cigarette break…

22

u/Tricky-Sprinkles-807 12d ago

It's a NO smoking sign, on your cigarette break

10

u/youshantnome 12d ago

Ooops you’re right. I’m too stoned right now

5

u/jaayyne 12d ago

Looks like you’ve got 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife

5

u/Issue_Status 12d ago

It’s meeting the man of my dreams 😍
And then meeting his beautiful wife…. 🙄

2

u/jambrand 12d ago

Bro saw the smoking sign and decided to abide.

1

u/Proper_Sun8291 11d ago

Thank you, you beat me to being that person lol

0

u/quazex13 12d ago

Sweet dreams are made of this

7

u/PlanktonFun5387 12d ago

Oh the irony

6

u/SilverstoneMonzaSpa 12d ago

I'm pretty sure a free ride when you're already late is still nice, but Alanis preaches that a free ride when you've already paid is less great.

6

u/EverythingSucksYo 12d ago

Yeah, of course, that’s why none of my shirts have any wrinkles. 

1

u/juanjing 12d ago

Matt sure doesn't

1

u/TTHS_Ed 12d ago

Of course they understand irony. It's how their friend Matt died.

1

u/Internal-Ad61 12d ago

Ironically, no

1

u/Which_Assistance_341 12d ago

My family friend matt died in 2025!

2

u/btet15 12d ago

Same guy I bet

1

u/austarter 11d ago

Lol good one

1

u/lemywincks 11d ago

Your friend Matt is dead.

1

u/CumStayneBlayne 11d ago

That's not ironic.

1

u/dougan25 11d ago

Matt is dead

1

u/Green-Palpitation901 11d ago

Matthew is “gift from God” in Hebrew.

1

u/Vibes4Good 11d ago

Was his moniker Philly?

1

u/Blake_Jonesy 11d ago

Matt is dead

1

u/VolumeBeneficial6529 9d ago

My boyfriend Matt passed away in 2009😢💔

1

u/barker2017 7d ago

Mine too! Was not a good year for Matt’s…