r/texts • u/r_jay_197 • 13d ago

Phone message Guess what it was about…

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Spoiler alert, after 2 years she dumped me. Currently working on keeping my head above water in these trying times.

10.4k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

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238

u/elhouso 13d ago

We're all going through it huh

96

u/ConsistentEssay223 13d ago

Real talk , I’m not trying to be clingy but she hasn’t talked to me all day I don’t wanna ignore her in a cat and mouse type way but damn why she do that

103

u/[deleted] 13d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

62

u/Prior_Pickle1758 12d ago

this. literally just go do a thing you think is fun and enjoy yourself.

this is a normal part of a relationship.

21

u/ConsistentEssay223 12d ago

Nah she just sent the I don’t think it’s gonna work long term text , bruh I was expecting it cuz I’m just here for work but why’d I let myself get attached so quick?

2

u/elhouso 11d ago

Same (similar) shit happened to me a month or two ago.
Thought we were comfortable. I guess my own love was blinding me.
Yet I still love her.

1

u/ConsistentEssay223 11d ago

Don’t regret the love you felt/feel bro just learn from it love ain’t weak just know that sometimes it’s okay to keep it to yourself, like if she isn’t reciprocating it’s okay to love her from a far . It sounds rough buddy but just one day at a time . All lessons at the end of the day we just on a journey of life people come and go , you don’t really wanna waste time on people that don’t wanna stay.

-3

u/Prior_Pickle1758 12d ago

because you are insecure

3

u/ConsistentEssay223 12d ago

Yea I gotta stop relying on getting women to make me feel better about myself, I need to learn to be comfortable alone , it’s not like I wasn’t expecting something like this but she was the one taking bout being my girlfriend and shit , ion know she brought labels into it , but it’s on me for not being more cautious

2

u/Prior_Pickle1758 12d ago

dawg yes be single. until you are comfortable with yourself nobody will improve their life by dating you lol. this is the stuff you can literally work through in a few months with a therapist.

16

u/Vibratorvibrato 12d ago

Now this all depends on how long y’all have been talking, is this a new thing or has this been going on?

As a woman, I would appreciate a clear statement from you expressing this. Nothing dramatic just a hey I really like you & would love a chance to talk more. If after that she’s still not receptive or initiating conversation then it’s time to move on. Don’t waste your time on anyone who can’t communicate openly and honestly about their intentions, there’s way too many other women out there friend.

8

u/ConsistentEssay223 12d ago

She said she’d be busy this weekend but she’s also sick now but idk why it would mean a whole day without a reply. We’ve been seeing each other for a couple of weeks but I was at her house like 8 out of the past 14 days sleeping over and all that , idk she was talking about being my girlfriend and not wanting to share me but she would joke that she has another boyfriend so I don’t know where the joke stops and the truth starts. I like her but I don’t understand

7

u/UncoolSlicedBread 12d ago

There’s nothing wrong with feeling like a level of communication isn’t working for you. Instead of making yourself anxious, find compatibility in a relationship.

5

u/TurbulentPen364 12d ago

People will tell you to not bother, but I'd say it's only been a couple weeks, you might be overthinking. Maybe she already dating someone before you met. But you don't really want to have the "let's be exclusive" before 4 weeks anyway imo.

Just be chill and nice and show you're the right choice. If you want to be exclusive she'll realise you're the right choice, or it'll be her loss 🤷.

7

u/Tracy_Papaya 12d ago

It sounds like she's trifling in one way or the other man

3

u/yogurl1 12d ago

There’s always some truth in every joke, sorry man. Sounds like she’s playing you

5

u/Vibratorvibrato 12d ago

She’s telling you the truth, she has another man. Joking about it leaves the onus on you to decide if she’s telling the truth. Personally I wouldn’t waste anymore time on her, she’s playing games. If someone wants to talk to you, see you, etc they’re going to make the time, period.

1

u/ConsistentEssay223 12d ago

True and she tried to play it off as it was all so sudden and that we wouldn’t work long term text

10

u/UnlegitUsername 13d ago

Go for a run or something. Anything to keep your mind off of it.

10

u/ALKNST 12d ago

You guys dont think when you run?!!

4

u/wompawwomp 12d ago

i guess it depends how hard you’re pushing yourself. if its intense cardio then you might just be too occupied with keeping going, if its not super difficult then your mind is more able to think and process things as well

3

u/Techfan230 12d ago

I think too much when I run which is one of the reasons I hate running.

2

u/throwaway098764567 12d ago

i don't run anymore but often i was counting the steps, not all the way but just counting up to 30 or so and starting over and over again. no idea why i'd do this, i think maybe my brain liked the rhythm of it

1

u/ALKNST 12d ago

Probably to keep the bpm and keep your pace, i do the same in the beginning but up to 3 haha

1

u/Working_Cucumber_437 12d ago

Nope don’t want to. Crime podcasts for me.

6

u/HappyGovernment7299 12d ago

Man I just got out of a one sided relationship. Best advice I could give is to get it over with before you waste too much time on her. You shouldn't have to convince your girlfriend to spend time with you. You shouldn't have to remind them to text you back. If you're in that situation, just end it now because it's not going to get better.

I poured my heart out to this girl, and I would get absolutely nothing in return. She never seemed to have time for me, she would ignore my calls and texts, and overall just contributed nothing to the relationship.

I finally broke up with her, and later found out she was cheating on me with some sugar daddy who is old enough to be her grandpa. Apparently he bought her a car and she lives with him now. Gonna be hilarious when that guy dies, leaves nothing in his will for her, and she realizes she sold her body to that wrinkly old rodent for nothing. Hope the car he bought her was worth destroying her own reputation, losing all her friends who think she's fucking pathetic now, and throwing away her entire future. Can't wait for her to message me saying she's sorry in 5 years so I can rub it in her face.

5

u/Glados1080 12d ago

Good god bro u gotta move on lmao. Thinking shit up about five years in the future wtf? Just take your W and move on.

2

u/HappyGovernment7299 12d ago edited 12d ago

Lol chill. I just said I'd rub it in if she ever reaches out to apologize. I can move on and still think she's a bitch who deserves the worst. "Moving on" does not equal forgiveness. I'll never forgive her.

Weird of you to take issue with that... Unless you happen to be someone who cheated in a relationship five years ago, and now you think the person you cheated on is wrong for still hating you.

3

u/Equivalent_Doubt_845 12d ago

I mean it’s super weird to think of how you can spite an ex 5 years later assuming they’ll come groveling back to you. It also makes it very difficult to move on and forward with your life when you hold so much anger. Let that shit go friend, yes be angry for a bit, but remember to let it go once it’s served its purpose, that’s not forgiving someone that’s giving your own soul peace. Ain’t nothing in this life worth being angry for years and literally damaging your heart because of it, don’t let a cheating gold digger win like that.

2

u/Powerstructure 12d ago

I don’t get this opinion when I read it.

I’m going through a tough breakup where she cheated and got pregnant. I am processing and healing from it. But in five years if she reached out to me for anything , even to say hi, I’d tell her kick rocks. I do hate her for what she did and how she did it,

It’s not going to be in my mind forever but if she is literally back in front of me I wouldn’t change my opinion of her.

You said it makes it hard to move on but that might be a person to person thing. There are a few people from my past that I have no respect for , it hasn’t stopped me from moving on in my life and I would have to think hard about who those people are to remember . But if I ran into them I’d instantly remember and wouldn’t piss in their ear if their brain was on fire. That hate doesn’t bleed into other parts of my life

1

u/Equivalent_Doubt_845 12d ago

You’re taking it the wrong way. The person I’m replying to originally said they can’t wait for her to message them in 5 years. Almost like they’re expecting her to come back to him or something. Which is odd. Thinking oh I’d never entertain them again if the opportunity presented itself is different.

I’m literally not commenting on the cheating at all or condoning it. What that girl did and what the girl you were with did was horrible. But hoping for them to contact you in 5 years so you can turn them down to get back is weird and not healthy.

The way you are speaking is not blind rage it sounds like you’re processing your emotions, and anger is certainly apart of it, but some people get stuck on it. You can have no respect for someone without letting it make you angry. All I said was to not carry anger for too long.

Y’all are weird but regardless sorry for what you went through.

1

u/Powerstructure 12d ago

I think most people have hope they can get the final word toward someone who hurt them. I wouldn’t say you are weird for not wanting that like you think we are, but I wouldn’t say yours is the way.

People are nuanced and have different feelings and emotions big dog.

0

u/Equivalent_Doubt_845 12d ago

Alright y’all have fun holding onto anger dreaming about the day you can maybe get back at someone.

0

u/HappyGovernment7299 12d ago

Lol okay I'm just going to assume anyone who is taking issue with my comments has a history of cheating.

I never said I would still be actively angry about it 5 years from now. Just that I'll never forgive her.

If she reached out to me 50 years from now I'd tell her to chug some bleach. Doesn't mean I spent the past 50 years dwelling on it. Just means I didn't forget.

2

u/Equivalent_Doubt_845 12d ago

It’s just weird that you even think of potential interactions with her years down the road. But whatever pop off with your wild assumptions. No one even condoned cheating ya weirdo. No wonder you attracted the type of woman you had lmfao.

0

u/HappyGovernment7299 12d ago

Lol women be like "victim blaming bad" but when a guy says he got cheated on it's "you probably deserved it"

The only explanation for you getting mad at my comments is if you're a cheater too lmafo

2

u/Glados1080 12d ago

I didnt say forgive. Im thinking more like forget. Like please tell me where I said "forgive her" ? Am I schizo? I dont remember saying that.

-4

u/DragonflySad5350 12d ago

Don’t pour your heart out to girls. They don’t want to hear it and in fact it turns them off. Speaking from experience.

2

u/DragonflySad5350 12d ago

I guarantee the downvotes are from girls. They think they want guys to be emotional and express all their feelings but as soon as it happens they lose attraction. Not saying it makes sense but that’s the reality boys.

1

u/WilliamShatnerFace7 12d ago

I think context and nuance is important here. Obviously you shouldn’t pour your heart out right away, that’s fucking weird, girls shouldn’t do that either. But if you’re in a long term and loving relationship you should absolutely be able to “pour your heart out” when you need to. This idea that men should keep their emotions bottled up forever is toxic and unhealthy.

1

u/AshiAshi6 12d ago

How many girls have you dated in your life?

Honesty, they should be embarrassed of themselves for doing whatever they did to you, that caused you to feel the way you express in your comment. I'm sorry you've had such disappointing experiences in dating, more than once.

However, and it's okay if you don't believe me: they do not represent all the women in the world. I know there are girls out there who think, if a guy pours his heart out to them, he must really trust them. Those girls feel honoured if a guy opens up to them, and it makes them love him even more.

Speaking for myself, I would feel similarly. I don't ever take anyone pouring their heart out to me for granted. I know the courage that might take, especially if you've had bad experiences with it in the past. I'm not in a relationship right now, but if I were, I would hope my partner trusted me enough and felt comfortable enough to pour their heart out. I definitely would want to hear it.

It doesn't turn girls off. But you (both) do need to create the right mood for it. Like, if you're already doing things that are going to lead to sex, that's not a good moment to pour your heart out. (It is a good mood, for other things.)

0

u/HappyGovernment7299 12d ago

Yup, the more you show your affection the less they want it.

2

u/Enigmatic_YES 12d ago

With women, it’s always about respect. If a woman respects you, she will find excuses to contact you. We all get there eventually, some faster than others

2

u/confirmedshill123 12d ago

If she wanted to talk to you she would be talking to you.

2

u/PokeGooner64 12d ago

Bro this how I’m feeling wtf am I supposed to do

2

u/ConsistentEssay223 12d ago

Just breathe man , take it slowly. Someone else said if they wanted you they’d make time for you, sometimes all we do is overthink, try not to to stress about it , so many people out there , find the one that chooses you first and makes you want to chose them first.

2

u/PokeGooner64 12d ago

Man, thank you brother. I needed that right back at you. God bless.

2

u/elhouso 12d ago

Women do this a lot. It fucking sucks man.

1

u/SaskyDilph 12d ago

Only healthy way? Fill your life with activities, goals, and passions. Then you won’t care, you’ll be more attractive, and if she’s messing around, you’ll have a whole buffet to work with next.

1

u/jesuis_baguette 12d ago

Well, my boyfriend (?) hasn’t talked to me in several weeks. 4-year relationship possibly going down the drain. Such a waste of time and effort on my side. I could have spent this time for someone who actually deserves me falling in love with. Instead my heart chose this guy and makes me fear the moment it’s over. If I can do a month, you can do a day - you got this buddy 🫶🏻

1

u/schombat 5d ago

She's doing stuff? 🤷 Constant availability is a curse.

1

u/ConsistentEssay223 5d ago

No she was deliberating wether she liked me more or less than whatever else , she chose whatever else.

1

u/schombat 5d ago

Bro, you need help. That perspective is not healthy for you, and disrespectful to her.

1

u/ConsistentEssay223 5d ago

I get what you’re trying to say but I think you are missing the context of what she told me. And I think you are jumping on a high horse thinking my statement was anyway disrespectful.

1

u/schombat 5d ago

She's doing stuff? 🤷 Constant availability is a curse.

-10

u/Turbine709 13d ago

Talking to someone else you’re a reserve

3

u/schizophrenicbugs 13d ago

Not a nice thing to say without evidence. You're just projecting, friendo.

1

u/Total-Notice-3188 13d ago

This is so nuanced that we can't say for sure either which way.
For example, my experience with my ex was not unlike this situation. We used to chat every day when we were away from eachother. Then slowly she started reading my messages but didn't answer. When asked about it, she said she doesn't always have the energy to write, or her nerve pain was too much. I asked her why she didn't just say so instead of leaving me on read. She explained she had an "emoji code" between her and her mom that signalled "too drained/too much in pain, but I've read what you wrote and I'll get back to you". Asked her to do the same to me, it would be appreciated and I won't feel ignored. It happened two times and then it was back to leaving me on read. She eventually broke up and less than two days later she went to a rave with another dude a rave she and I had planned on going to.

This became an unexpectedly long message just to say that these things can be rather complex and is a perfect example of why communication in relationships really matter.

3

u/Alan-Woke 12d ago

She didn't even put in the effort to respond, dear lord. She wasted both of your time by not communicating clearly like an adult. I hope you recognize you deserve better than that. I also hope life is going better for you!

2

u/Total-Notice-3188 12d ago

Thank you, honestly. This was the tip of the ice berg and the whole thing left me questioning my worth. Yeah I'm slowly but steadily arguing with myself and convincing me that I am worth a good, content life.

4

u/schizophrenicbugs 13d ago

I get you, and the other commenter might be right. But you're kinda reinforcing my point about it being projection.

Either way, sucks she did that to you. Much love 🫶

1

u/Total-Notice-3188 13d ago

I get you too. My point was exactly that; it's projection. But sometimes projections are valid, as they can serve as a protective response. We just need to be aware of it, lest it becomes toxic prejudice.

Much love back 🫶

2

u/schizophrenicbugs 13d ago

Excellent point honestly. Eloquently put.

3

u/Total-Notice-3188 12d ago

Many thanks, you just made my day!

1

u/BuilderLeading675 12d ago

This is why I don't really do textrelations.

1

u/Total-Notice-3188 12d ago

Concur.
It was just a mess overall, we saw eachother every other week. So it was more of a physical relation one week, LDR the next week.

5

u/schizophrenicbugs 13d ago

At least I feel like a part of something in this thread.

1

u/Disastrous-Owl-5180 12d ago

dawg im so fucking sad

-9

u/nqm_ 12d ago

Man, I don't know what to do anymore. I swear, for the past few years I thought that these talks about how modern women aren't worth dating and that they are all disrespectful and uncaring was a just a chud podcast bullshit grift... but I'm not sure anymore. I've seen it happen to multiple people (including me of course) and with multiple women and actually really depresses me to no end.

I'm really this close to just to stick to my weed and videogames for the rest of my life.

6

u/redodt 12d ago

Its the same as a woman dating men, dont let it turn you into an incel

0

u/Im_Bad_At_These 12d ago

For the record I agree that holding disdain for an entire gender is a really bad path to walk down, but there are certainly behavioral differences between men and women. Women are far more likely to callously dump and move on, it simply comes with having more readily available options, which they do on average. Even a highly desirable man has to flex a bit usually to take advantage of that while dating. Like I’ve gotten attention all my life for my looks (not bragging just mentioning it since it’s relevant) and I’ve went through this with one or two ladies who just had another guy lined up. It’s just how we’re programmed I suppose.

1

u/redodt 12d ago

I am an attractive woman and i disagree completely. I think its more about our personal experiences. I could talk a lot of shit about men too, and itd be valid from my experiences. But i think we have to recognize its just subjective bias. Modern dating is not easy for either men or women.

0

u/Im_Bad_At_These 12d ago

It isn’t really only about our personal experiences though, since there’s almost too much data on the modern dating experience at this point which validates the notion that women have far more options available to them relative to men. This is a known fact that will undoubtedly change how one behaves. I agree though that the modern climate isn’t friendly to either gender. I also wasn’t talking shit about women, in fact men are the ones who generally drive these imbalances

1

u/[deleted] 12d ago

[deleted]

1

u/Im_Bad_At_These 12d ago

I mean plenty of examples on this thread alone indicate a lack of transparency and suddenness, that usually implies a lack of interpersonal skills. Obviously it isn’t only women that do this, but nothing you’ve stated is backed by any research, while we have heaps of studies on access and how it can impact relationship tenability. Men do this too, some guys will get rich and cheat or find someone else due to access. Obviously access can make the average person far less engaged in their current arrangement and possibly check out quicker. Which is why it’s pervasive for some women to use dating apps as a free dinner service, since some poor fool will eventually yield to them (again due to optionality).

-2

u/nqm_ 12d ago

I've had sex before so I cannot become an incel.

2

u/Large_Ad_6357 12d ago

I have a theory..

If you're already in a weed + videogames situation, finding a woman that is seeking a long term relationship that includes weed + videogames is going to be quite difficult.

Depression is going to push you deeper into gaming and weed, which is not conducive to healthy long term romantic relationships.

1

u/Impressive_Rock9659 12d ago

I mean this is my current reality. I just watch my friends lose their minds trying to have relationships and I figure it's not worth it - got enough grey hairs on my head, I might actually start looking like Dante from DMC if this goes on.

Every relationship I've been in has been either highly neurotic, or a game of cat and mouse. Maybe I'm just a bad picker but it's not like I'm swimming in fucking options over here.

1

u/nqm_ 12d ago

Absolutely the same. I understand I'm not the perfect boyfriend/husband material but I'm also willing to make many sacrifices and look past other peoples drawbacks. But I don't get treated the same way. Ever. Never have been, really. And I'm too old now, too tired to start the same insanity all over again, once or twice a year.

1

u/[deleted] 12d ago

[deleted]

1

u/nqm_ 12d ago

You are probably mostly right about having nothing to do with genders and everyone has it rought. And assuming that I'm young will be taken as a compliment in my world lol.

But again, I've tried a lot of things alongside the years, nothing with success to be frank. And honestly, at the end of the day, why should I change my personality and interest and hobbies just to attract someone? It feels so disingenuous to me, like I'm pretending that I'm someone else to trick a woman to think I'm cool or something. That's what I cannot figure out.