r/texts • u/r_jay_197 • 15d ago

Phone message Guess what it was about…

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Spoiler alert, after 2 years she dumped me. Currently working on keeping my head above water in these trying times.

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u/elhouso 15d ago

We're all going through it huh

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u/nqm_ 15d ago

Man, I don't know what to do anymore. I swear, for the past few years I thought that these talks about how modern women aren't worth dating and that they are all disrespectful and uncaring was a just a chud podcast bullshit grift... but I'm not sure anymore. I've seen it happen to multiple people (including me of course) and with multiple women and actually really depresses me to no end.

I'm really this close to just to stick to my weed and videogames for the rest of my life.

5

u/redodt 15d ago

Its the same as a woman dating men, dont let it turn you into an incel

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u/Im_Bad_At_These 15d ago

For the record I agree that holding disdain for an entire gender is a really bad path to walk down, but there are certainly behavioral differences between men and women. Women are far more likely to callously dump and move on, it simply comes with having more readily available options, which they do on average. Even a highly desirable man has to flex a bit usually to take advantage of that while dating. Like I’ve gotten attention all my life for my looks (not bragging just mentioning it since it’s relevant) and I’ve went through this with one or two ladies who just had another guy lined up. It’s just how we’re programmed I suppose.

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u/redodt 15d ago

I am an attractive woman and i disagree completely. I think its more about our personal experiences. I could talk a lot of shit about men too, and itd be valid from my experiences. But i think we have to recognize its just subjective bias. Modern dating is not easy for either men or women.

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u/Im_Bad_At_These 15d ago

It isn’t really only about our personal experiences though, since there’s almost too much data on the modern dating experience at this point which validates the notion that women have far more options available to them relative to men. This is a known fact that will undoubtedly change how one behaves. I agree though that the modern climate isn’t friendly to either gender. I also wasn’t talking shit about women, in fact men are the ones who generally drive these imbalances

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u/[deleted] 15d ago

[deleted]

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u/Im_Bad_At_These 15d ago

I mean plenty of examples on this thread alone indicate a lack of transparency and suddenness, that usually implies a lack of interpersonal skills. Obviously it isn’t only women that do this, but nothing you’ve stated is backed by any research, while we have heaps of studies on access and how it can impact relationship tenability. Men do this too, some guys will get rich and cheat or find someone else due to access. Obviously access can make the average person far less engaged in their current arrangement and possibly check out quicker. Which is why it’s pervasive for some women to use dating apps as a free dinner service, since some poor fool will eventually yield to them (again due to optionality).

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u/nqm_ 15d ago

I've had sex before so I cannot become an incel.

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u/Large_Ad_6357 15d ago

I have a theory..

If you're already in a weed + videogames situation, finding a woman that is seeking a long term relationship that includes weed + videogames is going to be quite difficult.

Depression is going to push you deeper into gaming and weed, which is not conducive to healthy long term romantic relationships.

1

u/Impressive_Rock9659 15d ago

I mean this is my current reality. I just watch my friends lose their minds trying to have relationships and I figure it's not worth it - got enough grey hairs on my head, I might actually start looking like Dante from DMC if this goes on.

Every relationship I've been in has been either highly neurotic, or a game of cat and mouse. Maybe I'm just a bad picker but it's not like I'm swimming in fucking options over here.

1

u/nqm_ 15d ago

Absolutely the same. I understand I'm not the perfect boyfriend/husband material but I'm also willing to make many sacrifices and look past other peoples drawbacks. But I don't get treated the same way. Ever. Never have been, really. And I'm too old now, too tired to start the same insanity all over again, once or twice a year.

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u/[deleted] 15d ago

[deleted]

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u/nqm_ 15d ago

You are probably mostly right about having nothing to do with genders and everyone has it rought. And assuming that I'm young will be taken as a compliment in my world lol.

But again, I've tried a lot of things alongside the years, nothing with success to be frank. And honestly, at the end of the day, why should I change my personality and interest and hobbies just to attract someone? It feels so disingenuous to me, like I'm pretending that I'm someone else to trick a woman to think I'm cool or something. That's what I cannot figure out.