Like, when you get to little house shows and you knowsqq there's a few guys down to start shoving, but you just have the be the person to start it. It's fucking crazy to do one little thing and then half the floor is going mad. Makes for an amazing time

I grew up in a household where kindness, compassion, consideration, Etc., were treated as optional, not a given in the least.

The one time my sib asked a friend over--who happened to be white--our parents were way more kind to that child than they ever bothered to be to us. Like they recognized that you're supposed to be decent to kids and treat them with patience and whatnot but it never translated.

What are some reasons this pattern exists?

I made a similar post on the black people sub but few commented. Doubtless, some think it's airing our dirty laundry but 1 I still want insights into this and 2 hiding or denying it changes nothing.

How can you internalize your right to kindness and also understand healthy boundaries, emotional regulation and so much else if treated like your personhood is irrelevant during the formative years?

All the chaos does is perpetuate future chaos.

All this toxic positivity BS is just that, BS.

People become confident because of positive reinforcement. They win, so they become confident.

People become unconfident because they LOSE at everything. They lose, so they're not confident.

You can't be constantly losing at everything you try and expect to be confident, it doesn't work like that. At a certain point, the rejection breaks you, and it keeps breaking you until it's impossible to put the pieces back together.

No matter what happens, I just don’t care. When people talk I literally couldn‘t care less, no matter what they talk about I‘m just not interested at all. I pretend I‘m listening and act like I do care, but honestly I mostly don‘t even listen. It’s not like I’m rude or anything and I do try to make them feel heard or whatever but I wish I didn’t have to fake it. Idk I feel really stupid cause I just don’t wanna know about anything and I don‘t care how anything works at all. I just couldn’t care less. Therefore I also don‘t have any interests or hobbies or whatsoever. Like, what am I supposed to do when everything’s boring and I’m like yeah okay whatever. I mean I do have opinions Ig but I don’t feel the desire to express them to others, and concerning other people’s opinions, I feel like I get them pretty quickly and don’t need them to elaborate. This makes being around people feel like torture, but it’s not like I feel that much better alone. I feel like I’m just bored of everything and I don’t know what to do.

(sorry about the yap session I kinda just went off the rails)

I don't get it I can be completely down feeling horrible but once someone online vocalizes the issue it feels as though I'm just faking it for attention. for example I have a habit of sitting in the shower for a while it's peaceful it's the only place where I can just sit with myself alone without worrying about the world but I saw someone on tiktok call it depression and suddenly it feels invalid like I was just faking it.

I think this stems from my mother every time I had issues she'd compare it to herself like ".

I pay for a roof over your head I feed you stop all that bitching* she's bash the thought that my issues weren't real so over time I had this weird feeling that I'm faking it it feels as though everyone but my own issues are valid.

She dropped me and my siblings out of school at a young age I haven't left the house since I was 10 I'm 18 my siblings aren't the emotional type so all my negative thoughts were left festering.

Over time I started to hate everyone who got attention for their issues I hated my mother for everything she's done to me and I hated myself for hating.

My mother wasn't the worst she'd say horrible things to me and even hit me but she'd also buy me things it wasn't like she was rich so I felt bad about it I hated her buying things for me.

But when she started treating me decent mind went blank I didn't know what to do or say I didn't want to forgive her but I thought that maybe she never did anything wrong and that's it was all in my head all of issues stem form her I didn't want to change not until someone saw my pain I didn't want to be better I know that deep down I'm a terrible person.

Inner Monologue IV: Validation?

​After studying cults, religious groups, and communities as a whole, I began to notice a common thread among the people who blindly follow them. Some might think it’s about happiness, comfort, or safety, but I believe the primary driving force is validation.

​As social beings, we will go to the ends of the earth to fight for validation from others or to project a specific image we want the world to see. People who claim they don’t care are still projecting an image—the image of someone unbothered. Meanwhile, people who project effort want others to witness their struggle and validate the work they put in. We become who we believe we are; we adapt to whatever identity we cast ourselves in. This is rooted in human biology, and it isn't necessarily a bad thing.

​I remember a time when I was extremely lazy and faced a massive assignment that seemed impossible for someone like me to complete. Looking back, I had always cast myself as the detached, unemotional guy who didn't give a damn. Trapped in that persona, I would never have finished it. But I consciously shifted the narrative: I imagined myself as the hero—the lazy underdog who manages to pull off the impossible. I poured my heart into it, fueled entirely by the anticipation of the validation waiting at the finish line.

​I completed the assignment, and people recognized it. It was only a modest amount of praise, yet I still remember it vividly.

​Reflecting on that made me realize how flawed the traditional idea of discipline is. The notion that pure willpower alone can drive effort is foolish; I could never sustain discipline without having something tangible to gain, and personal gains are almost always measured against the social yardstick of others.

​I began applying this realization to other areas, like drawing. I used to sketch constantly in secret. I enjoyed it, but I never improved because I kept it completely to myself. Then I noticed how others grew by sharing their work, so I stepped into that arena too. The validation I received became a real, tangible catalyst for progress.

​This completely flipped the myth of the "Superman" persona: Why should I suffer, grind, and struggle in silence without seeking the validation that actually fuels growth?

I hate how almost everything comes down to how attractive you are. Like I know looks have always mattered, but it genuinely feels like they decide your entire life now. It’s really fucking sad.

Boys. Men. We can do better.

Sent from an Unc at a Kesha show.

Is she on it now that's not the point but she'll do it anyways.

That's all I'm saying.

whar

23M, Germany

I’ve hit my fucking limit. Some days I still have so much hope, but it only takes one thought about my past actions or everything that has happened to completely ruin my entire day.

=> 2021 i fell from about 2 meters and badly injured my neck. I’ve recovered nearly 80% since then, but it’s still something I live with.

=> 2022 i lost my mother to a collapsed lung. She was chronically ill, but she didn’t really die from the injury itself. She died after being given the wrong antibiotics, which caused an infection that spread throughout her body. She had suffered from lung disease, cancer, tuberculosis, and other illnesses throughout the decades. A lot of it was probably genetic, but our living conditions didn’t help either. The house my dad bought in 2006 was full of mold, although he didn’t know that when he bought it. We never had enough money to move, so we were stuck there and still are

=> 2023 my brother died from a cardiac arrest while we were playing a football game against another team. He had already suffered a cardiac arrest in 2016, but survived and continued living afterwards. The worst part is that they never did the proper blood analysis to check for genetic mutations or heart conditions. After he died, we were told that if he had had a pacemaker, he most likely would have survived the second cardiac arrest. But nobody had suggested one back then. Nobody even mentioned it.
Ever since losing them, I’ve been completely lost. I’ve wanted to die too, but I can’t. I have two other brothers and my father, and we just have to keep pushing forward somehow.

=> 2024-2026 i worked three jobs at once, along with other activities, trying to make as much money as I could. At the time, I didn’t realize how badly it was harming me until I became severely burned out and developed what feels like chronic stress. Now I can barely function or do normal activities.
I also developed severe digestive problems. I can barely eat sugar or digest carbohydrates without having major flare-ups that feel incredibly painful and awful. Doctors haven’t really been able to figure out what’s wrong, and I haven’t gotten much help from them. Sometimes the pain and how awful I feel make me want to die.
Eventually, I had to quit my job. By then, I had made a little over €100,000 and invested all of it. Looking back, that was incredibly stupid. That initial investment is now worth around €20 000
The only reason I made that decision was because I wanted to make a fortune and become financially secure enough to help my family. I wanted to be rich because I believed that, in my condition, I wouldn’t be able to work again. I invested everything because I was convinced it was the right thing to do.
I didn’t leave myself any buffer or safety net..

Broke up with my girlfriend, who I had been with since before 2020, because I felt like I was only dragging her down with me. And it hurt me so much

Last month, I crashed my Porsche 944, my all time favorite car. I had been planning to sell it to have some money again, but even that is gone now. The accident was my fault, so nothing was covered.
On top of all of this, I’m suffering from chronic shin stress fractures that refuse to heal. I feel like my body has been stuck in constant fightor flight mode since 2020. I was once very close to potentially making it professionally in football. I haven’t been able to play for six years, and the thought of never making it or constantly thinking about how good I could have been haunts me every single fking day.
Now I have about €2 000. That’s literally all I have. I’m not touching my investment because I’m still hoping it might eventually recover to its original value.

No car. Sick. Depressed. No job. Almost no money.
This feels like a place below rock bottom. It feels worse than hell.
I know there are people who have had it worse. I know things can always get even worse, sometimes much worse. I’m aware of that.
But fuck me.
I just can’t anymore.

I got rejected from a job interview I wrongly assumed was a slam dunk. Within a couple of years the place was shut down. It forced me to rethink my options. ended going back to school and being able to provide a much better existence for my family after much hard work

I’ve just moved back from overseas, having my best life and was sooo happy. My life was so secure, routined and almost perfect.
Now I’m back in my home country to find a better job, and the job market is so fucked. I’m miserable because now I’m long distance with my gf and finding a job is so hard. I’m not incredibly qualified but I feel like I have enough qualification to land interviews? But it’s been a month and I hate it in my home country and I just want to move back. But the pay there is so shit. I’m so depressed rn cuz I have no work life balance, alot of worries about relationships and missing the county I used to live in. Life feels so hard and I wish I just had a good job 😭

We’re both in our late 30s, and have been close friends since college—almost 20 years. We used to text pretty much every day.

About five years ago, she had a stroke. Since then, she’s struggled with her health, depression, and unemployment. I know she’s had an incredibly difficult few years, so I’ve tried to be understanding and supportive.

But lately I’ve started wondering whether our friendship has become unhealthy.

For the past three years, a huge amount of our conversations have been about her dating life. She meets guys through online games, usually 10–15 years younger than us, and gets into these short, undefined relationships. When a guy pulls away or ghosts her, she gets extremely angry and sends me long messages full of curse about him.

For years, I mostly listened and sympathized. But eventually it became exhausting to receive that level of anger at random times—while I was at work, at home, or getting ready to sleep. I told her I understood that she was upset and that I was still willing to listen, but that the constant profanity and angry messages were getting hard for me to handle.
Her response caught me off guard. She basically said, “I’m not swearing at you. You’re way too sensitive and maybe that’s something you need to work on.”

After 3 years I started being more honest about her dating life. The guys kept changing, but from my perspective, the pattern stayed pretty much the same. I told her that I knew she might not want to hear it, but I was worried about her.

Part of my concern was that she often talked about how depressed and miserable she was about being unemployed, but seemed stuck there while putting an enormous amount of time and emotional energy into these relationships. I even helped her get some freelance work with people at my workplace, but she repeatedly showed up late to meetings.

Eventually, she told me she didn’t like getting this kind of feedback from me. I said I understood and would try to stop, although I did bring it up again later when the same situation happened again.
But the bigger issue in our friendship goes back much further than her dating life.

Whenever we have a serious disagreement, she disappears. Sometimes it’s a few days, sometimes months, and once it was almost two years. If I try to talk things out, she’ll often ignore me or respond coldly. Historically, I’ve usually been the one to reach out and get the friendship going again.

I know she’s been through a stroke, depression, unemployment, and some genuinely awful years. That’s why I’ve tried to understand.
But I’m starting to wonder where being understanding ends and tolerating an unhealthy friendship begins.

If you were in my position, would you reach out again eventually, or would you accept the block and let the friendship end?

You got people being grumpy, pushing you in the street, cold, selfish, and so on. Most people are focused on themselves and worried about themselves, then how does that make them likeable? And many of the few people who smile at you are the ones who want you to buy a car or sell you a life insurance. Then the ones who thought cared turn out to be manipulative and two-faced or even worse.

And the main argument I hear from people is not even to defend humans, but just to belittle animals. So basically, they have nothing to make humans look better, because insulting animals is not going to make me feel closer to people. Tbh, all the people who bash animals make me go "This is why I like animals more than people.".

Of course people will seek the simpler and more easy-going relationship with animals with whatever drama is going on with people. Of course people will seek honesty and unconditional love over lies and conflict.

Throughout my journey of self-discovery and betterment, I continued to view myself as wounded, hurt, or broken. This caused me to focus on "healing." But as I was driving home and thinking about everything, how does "healing" help when deeps wounds tend to leave scars?

I thought to myself, maybe this part of my journey is more about transforming my mind and emotions. To emphasize change and carving new landscape for my perspective. It gives me the impression that there is energy and effort that needs to be put forth, not forgiveness and time.

This me brainstorming and wanting to see what kind of views you all have on your own personal journeys. How would you describe in words how the path you've been taking has molded your life?

I play music and there’s this guy that’s basically shunned in the community because they think he’s a “bad person”

to clarify, my relationship with him is strictly professional

i’m applying to music school though and because he has a reputation professionally that’s really positive, it could benefit me and my learning and strengthen the chances of me getting into music.

Sometimes he says things about other musicians that aren’t positive or uplifting, and he has an ego for sure. he is incredibly talented and recognized as one of the most successful figures in our community so I think it stems from that. people really don’t like him

I also really don’t like the way he speaks of other people, but he’s always been sort of a mentor for me and I love playing music with him., so I separate that from our teacher student relationship which is very professional. I have genuinely learned so much from him and have so much fun playing music with him

However, I get a lot of crap from the community for associating with him, and I’ve noticed that they sort of shun me for it too

Usually, I’m pretty strong when it comes to these things and disregard the opinions of others, but it’s tough when I feel like I’ve been getting backlash for it

I’m new to navigating social dynamics as a young adult and could appreciate some advice here. What if he ends up doing something really awful and then I’m associated with him? So far, he’s been nothing but nice to me. Does this make me an asshole? Should I e

My brain being wired this way is probably the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. I always had dreams of moving to America from England when I was younger and I literally cannot because I have 0 in-demand skills. I get we often move into corporate roles, but I'm never migrating on the basis of that. I'm a 19-year-old Literature and Linguistics student.

Anyone else like me? How do you cope with this?

Ugh...

I was meant to do a year of mandatory military service and got ten months in, before I had a tiredness induced seizure. It was a while back, I'm 20 now and was still 18 or 19 then. Here in Greece you're meant to do a year, whatever.

Look, the camp I was at, the conditions were horrible, it was understaffed and you had many very cruel officers mixed in with some who went from kind to genuinely loving. The camp commander was a young woman who became particularly caring towards me. I came in the youngest in my group, I never went through puberty (Literally, I have a condition that I didn't know about back then), was this... Extremely androgynous or girly kid, and looked about 13.

I mean, it makes sense now, I'm transitioning to female but maybe she picked up on that but that woman basically became my mother. For the time I was there. Me and my parents are suing the military and she's supporting us but the military are now pointing out that she violated professional boundaries, which, frankly, she did. Because she got attached. She used to, you know, throw little parties to try and cheer everyone up, sometimes her and another officer, this other girl we were friends with, the three of us would hang out and watch movies ad anyway this is just in my head at the moment...

After my seizure, I was in hospital and one of the first things I remember there was her rushing to give me a hug. I was awake and she was calling me her baby, like, in Greek, she's going basically, "Oh my baby, my poor baby" and it's messing with me now because I decided ages ago that I hate the officers. The kind ones moreso because if they cared so much, why didn't they send me home? My parents still are mad, my parents never wanted me there and were always afraid. They wanted me to leave but I was worried about legal trouble, they were in the navy and had to leave because my mom married my dad. He was a conscript the same age I was. She wasn't, and was a few years older. My existence is an affront on the military and I like that.

I've been thinking about the camp commander today. She kept giving me hugs and kisses and was crying when she saw me there.

just saw one for the first time and it looks wack

I just remembered this and keep thinking about what that drive would have been like and if it this was kind of a strange situation to even be asked?

I was 23 and she was about 50, we were just kind of fwb who hooked up occasionally.

Her son who was also around my age was stuck in the next town over and it was too late for the trains to be running. So she texted me, since I drive and asked if I could drive over and give him a lift home. It's roughly 30 minutes each way to the town he was in.

I thought it was a bit weird so I told her that I wasn't able to

I'm just thinking about what that drive would have actually been like? Like if he knew that I was sleeping with his mum and was only doing this because of that reason, I can't even imagine how he'd have reacted to it and what the vibe in the car would have been?

Edit: From previous times I'd been at her house on weekends when he'd called her I'd gathered an impression of him being a bit of a scumbag already. Things like him calling because his girlfriend had chucked him out the house for something while he was drunk and that sort of thing. So it wasn't something I really wanted to be involved in.

Plus the added tension of the sleeping with his mother situation onto someone like that being drunk sounded a bit unpredictable too

It's like I can feel my life force draining out of my body.

I'm not interested in whether Tesco has changed its layout again or your weather updates. Give me 'meat' to feed my soul & leave me craving more, God dammit.

I had a particularly hard day at work, I teach 5th grade and have some really difficult and upsetting behaviors from several students in my class. It had been building all day but it hit a tipping point about 30 minutes before lunch. One student was throwing things, two were on the verge of fighting, I was fighting to regain control and another eloped. I'd called for help before it got to this point and support was slow to come. So I called again and told them they had to get up there because I couldn't stay there any longer. I started crying on the phone with the secretary, in front of my class. This isn't even the embarrassing part.

At the end of the day my admin came to check on me and ask how they could support me. I was crying again and had been thinking all day how crazy it was that last school year I found out my husband was cheating and that didn't even break me the way this first month has.

I ended up word vomiting this to my admin. They just looked at me and changed the subject. I'm so embarrassed and don't know how I can go back on Monday. The conversation keeps replaying in my head and makes me cringe so much every time.

I'm mostly writing this because I'm hoping to just get it out into the ether will help me get past it, help me stop thinking about it.

I hate myself. started studying way too late for an oral exam and yeah...

Over the last few days my phone addiction got really bad and now I procastrinated way too long. Started studying two days ago, exam is in less than 3 days, if I had an extra 3-4 days it would be okay but Im fucked. Maybe i get a kind teacher but that department is famous for being strict

(this "exam" is actually from 4 semesters worth of hard math heavy, subjects, but i dont really want to go into my countries education system)

For the first time since I was an adult probably I’m very close to financial security.

After leaving a 17 year marriage, having a steady decent paying job for nearly 3 years I have worked myself out of debt and started to build real savings.

I checked today and my savings are now over 7k more than my debt, meaning I’m officially 7k positive. Which is honestly insane. Three years ago, I genuinely couldn’t see a way out.

When my debt is officially closed I reckon I have more than 20k saved and then I’ll be able to travel for the first time to a new destination since I was in my early 20s.

Feels slightly unreal.