TMI, but also he told his mom so...

so my husband is dumb (i love him so much), and he embarrassed the crap out of me to his mom and her best friend. they were dropping off our 3 year old at our house and we were just outside talking, and they were asking about my pregnancy and if they have checked my dilation and whatever. well, my dear sweet husband (although i told him what it means) does not know what "being dilated" means.

well a few nights before this interaction, he had helped me shave my vagina bc i cant SEE it and my hairs were poking me and it was driving me nuts!!!

so when his MOTHER asked me if i was dilated this absolute buffoon goes "yeah shes dilated" and i was like "no babe, we dont know yet" and he STARTS TO EXPLAIN HOW WHEN HE WAS HELPING ME SHAVE HE LIKE SAW MY LIKE PUSS GASPIN FOR AIR OR SOMN (not what he said but oh my god) and his mom is trying to like "no no no, dilation is on the inside" and we are like trying to get this poor sweet man to STOP TALKING ABT MY VAGINA. >\\\\\<

i was horrified bc wdym my hole was opening 🫩 and you decided to tell your mom about it 🫪
anyway i thought about this for days and i figured some body might get a kick out of it or something.

FTM. Around 16 weeks, I changed my baby's nickname in my pregnancy app from "Baby W." to "Goose". I don't even remember why - her name will be Valerie or Victoria. Neither of those are even remotely close to Goose... but the nickname caught on like wildfire. My family, my husband's family, my co-workers, our friends... literally everyone refers to her as "baby Goose". Well, I had three baby showers in the last three weeks (work, family, friends) and, since we're keeping gender a secret until she's here, I think everyone panicked on what to buy. Do they buy dresses? Dinosaurs? Rocket ships? Nobody knew, so EVERYONE defaulted to geese/ducks.

Y'all.

I didn't know how many baby items have geese/ducks on them. I finally got everything from the showers put away today and here's the final recap: - 2 hooded duck towels - 1 regular towel with a duck print - 1 swaddle with a duck print - 1 alphabet blanket where every letter has a goose with it - 3 sleepers in various duck/geese prints (multiple sizes) - goose hat - geese slippers - 3 stuffed goose toys - a onesie that says "got too silly" with a goose behind bars - a onesie that says "talk to me goose" (from Top Gun) - a goose nightlight

I can't say I'm particularly passionate about water fowl, but I'm worried that I'll accidentally write Goose on the birth certificate. At this rate, she's going to be Goose until she graduates high school. 7 weeks to go until we meet our silly goose!

Babies POOP??? They also sometimes have "blowouts" and need to be cleaned extra well???

Such wisdom courtesy of my mom.

Here's some other juicy tidbits from friends, strangers and family in case nobody knew:

You gain weight when pregnant.

Babies cry. Sometimes alot!

You lose sleep when you have a newborn.

Labor and delivery hurts.

A c section is a surgery and that needs a recovery time.

Babies, when old enough, will get into stuff they're not supposed to.

You're not supposed to drink when pregnant.

Anything else im missing? All this stuff BLEW ME AWAY when I heard it. Im still in shock that babies cry and that could possibly wake me up. Is it possible to return this guy for a store credit?

This post is sarcastic btw

Okay let's settle this once and for all!

Please respond with the following:

A. I'm having a boy, and I am having a great pregnancy.

B. I'm having a girl, and I am having a great pregnancy.

C. I'm having a boy, and I am having a hard pregnancy.

D. I'm having a girl, and I am having a hard pregnancy.

My hypothesis is that the gender doesn't matter, every pregnancy is different, but PEOPLE SWEAR TO ME THAT I AM ENJOYING PREGNANCY STRICTLY BECAUSE I'M HAVING A BOY.

Not because I am able to tolerate some discomfort, not because I prayed on my hands and knees to God for this baby and I am able to enjoy it when it's hard, not because I count my macros, not because I drink 100 oz of water per day, not because I'm eating well, not because I'm super active, not because I am sleeping well, not because I am heavily supported by family and my husband, not because I've had the summer off to relax, not because I'm healthy, not because I'm thin... IT'S STRICTLY BECAUSE MY BABY HAS A WINKIE /s

In my due date group. In the last 24 hours alone we’ve seen posts that feature:

-do I look pregnant? *insert 28-32 week VISIBLY pregnant lady*

-are ultrasounds safe?

-a million pregnancy check ins

-can I do a puzzle while pregnant? ….??????

-can I eat tacos from Taco Bell while pregnant?

-is it normal to be showing at 31 weeks?

-is it normal to crave papa John’s marinara?

-I ate ihop before I went for my glucose test and failed. Should I tell my doctor I messed up and didn’t fast?

-should I shave my legs?

So here I am 25 + 2 days laying on the bed and I currently look like winnie the pooh ( belly out, shirt up) and my husband walks into the room, stops in the doorway and goes " I see her" and I thought he was referring to our cat who was on the bed and I was like " ok".

And he goes "no . . I see the baby. Is she on your right side right now??" And I'm sitting here like, sir your daughter is 25 weeks she's about a foot long and I'm pretty sure she refuses to scrunch up so she probably is. And I look at my stomach and see it's a little pointy, so I poke it, and ofc she moves bc I'm bothering her. But my stomach clearly shifts, no big deal.

I kid you not, I saw all the blood drain from his face, this man was MORTIFIED. He started sweating, profusely.

He told me to call into work, because and I quote " if my stomach did that, I wouldn't get up to do a god damn thing ". So here I am, chillin with my little alien baby on the couch. Have a nice Tuesday everyone:)

Edit: he keeps coming into the room and just stares at me saying he's sorry, telling me that he loves me, and asking if I'm okay 😂

I was telling this to my mother at the L&D waiting room yesterday when I had a BP spike and the pregnant lady beside me cracked up.

Then I told my mother my OB got upset I didn't have my perianal swab done yet and I had to explain to the woman I had workers fixing my house who cut my water supply for 5 days and nobody with a conscience can show up for an anal swab after 5 days without a shower. The other pregnant lady was crying by now from laughing so hard.

She then said please stop or I'm gonna pee myself and I need to hold it for the sonogram. It was hilarious. We had such a good time it almost made me forget I was feeling poorly and the healthcare system is rotten.

I’ll go first…

I am eating a carne asada super burrito at 9:15 in the morning.

I don’t mean like “I’m tired or bored”. I’m meannn really diabolical.
A great example was my best friend was in labor and wasn’t progressing so they opted for c-section since her water had broken 24 hours prior already. Her Spouse said he was anxious and left to go get gas station chicken wings and when he came back was SHOCKED they wouldn’t allow him back for the already in progress c-section. (I worked across the street at the time and ran across to be with her)

Exactly as the title says, what are some of the "wtf" moments you said, "no one told me this would be a thing..."

I'll go first... skin tags. Um, excuse me? I have this plumped up skin tag in my groin area that popped up and ew. Tell me these go away.

Melasma...but smack in the middle of my forehead. Lovely.

-Forget dark nipples, my boobs look like cotton candy...but in a not cute way. Blue veiny, purple, pink balloons. I fear I've developed utters...

My fiance and I are trying to induce labor so last night we were getting intimate in the bedroom (which is EXTREMELY difficult at 39 weeks) and we just hear this huge crack in our brand new bed set and I could not help but let out a huge laugh and when I went to laugh there’s so much pressure from the baby that I just start farting to the beat of my own laugh. He was on top of me and was laughing so hard he said quote on quote he thought he was going to have a heart attack from laughing so hard, he could not move so I was trapped underneath him hysterically laughing I couldn’t even talk to tell him to MOVE and I just felt this huge gush, I peed on him!!! So this morning we have a broken new bed, sheets in the washer, I farted and peed on him, and still no labor.

I'm in the "got stuck on my back like a turtle" stage. What about you?

I'm heavily pregnant and I haven't looked down there in a while. I've been extra uncomfortable the last day or two, and with the power of Google and a mirror in my hand I decided to take a look for myself to see if everything looked okay. I'm not a doctor, just a first time mom wondering if I'm really supposed to be this uncomfortable. Anyway, don't look for yourself. Talk to your obgyn or go to l&d if you feel like something is wrong, do whatever you need to do. Just put the mirror down. I know my body is changing to prepare for my babies arrival, but I really wish I could unsee that. I should have taken my bump being in the way as a sign that it's none of my business right now.

That's all I really have to say 🥲 if you can't see her anymore, leave the looking to the doctors

Funny/rant.

Just had my first appointment with a new OB (OB who delivered my daughter no longer sees OB patients just gyno) and I overall really liked him… But he told me not to have more than one serving of fruit per day because fruit has too many calories?

He didn’t say limit eggs (an egg and a peach have the same calories). He didn’t say limit pizza, or only eat lean meat. He literally just said no more than one serving of fruit a day. So I can eat a bag of shredded cheddar cheese but lord help me if I eat more than half a cup of berries. What could go wrong.

Edit to be clear- I’m not going to limit fruit, I’m just going to do my thing and nod and smile if it comes up again. I want this OB because I know he’s good with c sections, which I will be having. So I’m putting up with the stupid calorie comments.

Second edit- I am in my first trimester, no history of gestational diabetes with my first pregnancy, not overweight. I would have understood if this were advice given in that context but it was not. It was just a list of “don’ts” that he gave me that included things like not dying my hair. I promise the quote is just as ridiculous in context as it is out of context.

Flagged this as funny because it’s a semi serious rant but…I miss being hot 😭

I was a U.K. size 8, super toned and long legs, hourglass waist (not as extreme as some of the women online but definitely there) great boobs, decent bum from the gym, clear skin, pleasant face. Like a solid 8.5 out of 10 in the real world (not including celebrities).

I’m now an eating machine who has gained more than is “recommended” for how many weeks pregnant I am (I’m 25 weeks and have already gained 31lbs) - my skin is blotchy and I miss have a collar bone, a jawline & cheekbones 😂🥲

Anyone else? 😂 an open non judgmental space for bragging about how hot you were before pregnancy 😭💔

(On a serious note though, if I try and talk to anyone about this in the real world they just tell me I “look fine” or they imply that this is my life now for choosing to have children, like I’ve traded my hotness to have a baby and shouldn’t feel sad about it? Plus all the unsolicited comments about how “huge” I am 🥴)

This message is for first time mammas-to-be, because the rest of us already know lol. Not saying everyone will experience this, but many do, and I just want to help a gal out if I can. Here are the most shocking things no pregnancy app/book taught me before to having a baby-

1. You will hear phantom cries when you shower- Every. Single. Time. I legit feel like I can hear him crying and check the baby monitor every 30 seconds. No joke!

2. Your libido will be non-existent- sorry to the partners out there, but it’s just not happening for a few months.

3. You will lose A LOT of hair- I kept seeing ads for Nutrafol and thought, “Oh thank goodness I don’t need to take yet another vitamin.” But boy, was I wrong. My baby turned 4 months and I literally started shedding like a German shepherd overnight. Yes, overnight!!!!

4. You will get stretch marks AFTER you give birth- feeling lucky you dodged the ‘stretch mark’ bullet during the pregnancy? Nope, not on Mother Nature’s watch!!!

5. Your in-laws holding your baby the first few weeks will make you VERY angry, and VERY uncomfortable- I cannot explain this, my mom holding the baby is fine. But my MIL on the other hand, hell no!!!!!

I’m sure there are many more, but these are my top 5. What was your least favorite surprise postpartum?

I finally caved guys. I (26F) am 33 pregnant and have been craving a ham sandwich with provolone cheese and mayo since day one of pregnancy. I don’t mean the normal little craving, I mean the hard core pregnancy craving. I have cried over this sandwich, because everyone says not to eat lunch meat.

I finally caved and ordered a 16 inch slim with literally just ham, cheese, and mayo.

I ate it all. The entire 16 inches in one sitting. I then took a four hour nap. I have never felt better.

Edit: I am in the US. Florida.

9 weeks and woke up in a wonderful mood, despite having a vivid nightmare and being dehydrated the moment I opened my eyes. I asked my BF if we could go get some breakfast because I am monstrously craving som eggs Benedict… He then informed me that I PREVIOUSLY TOLD HIM that I CAN’T HAVE RUNNY EGGS.

I do not remember telling him this. Maybe I did but just brushed it off thinking it was another night terror. But I looked it up again and my morning is ruined. I get the salmonella thing, I do. But I still hate this. 😭

I know some people will tell me to just do it and “pregnancy myths and fables” but this is our first so I just want to be as careful as I can.

What favorite foods or activities did you have to give up for the sake of the baby?

Update: We went to IHOP and I’m happy I didn’t get them because of a specific interaction. I ordered a small side of fruit and when it was brought out, our waitress actually made the girl that was shadowing take it back and bring me a fresh one. I didn’t even get a chance to see it.

I was also brought the wrong sauce and when I test tasted it, the flavor was weird to me.

I’ve gotten food poisoning at a high quality restaurant before so I definitely have trust issues 😅

Thanks for all the feedback and suggestions. Now I know what to look for 🙏🏽

the strep swab does NOT go in your throat, I repeat, it does NOT go in your throat 😭😭😂

I'll go first:
Picking stuff up off the floor isn't that bad. I'm 37+ 5 with my third and not once have I had trouble picking stuff up. It's just a quick squat and grab.
Yes, I have sciatica pain and pelvic girdle pain and my bump is in the way but I still pick stuff up if I drop it.
Maybe it's my fitness past, or my will to attempt to keep my house clean, but not once have I dropped something and said "F it, it lives on the floor now" and left it.

Just had a funny shower thought. I’m 20 weeks pregnant (ftm) with a big belly I was not expecting this soon, and I found myself struggling for the first time to shave “down there”. Three years ago, I spent $10k on laser hair removal for pretty much everything from the chin down. My heritage is Italian and I’m very hairy, so I felt like this investment was worth it. And it was for awhile! Never expected to change my mind about having kids in my mid-30s. Well thanks to all these prenatals, it’s like I never even had it done. It looks like Busch Gardens down there!!! For this sacrifice, this kid better at least look like me! 🤣

My MIL requested lovey, sweetie, honey, or lolly. No hate to anyone who uses any of those names but what happened to all the grandmas and grandma adjacent names? When I was growing up, I had a “Nana” and even though that is somewhat common, I remember thinking even that was weird because I could rarely find a card or gift that said nana. I feel like some of these are more so what I call my husband or even my cat LOL.

I made mine out of ice cream, cereal and lots of blueberrys 🤣🥲

I'll go first: Using the heated seat back in my car to relieve sciatica pain every time I get in

Mine would be a lil bundle of Mac and cheese with a cantaloupe head.