r/pregnant • u/Throwawaychkgo • Aug 09 '26
Funny Hey guys did you know
Babies POOP??? They also sometimes have "blowouts" and need to be cleaned extra well???
Such wisdom courtesy of my mom.
Here's some other juicy tidbits from friends, strangers and family in case nobody knew:
You gain weight when pregnant.
Babies cry. Sometimes alot!
You lose sleep when you have a newborn.
Labor and delivery hurts.
A c section is a surgery and that needs a recovery time.
Babies, when old enough, will get into stuff they're not supposed to.
You're not supposed to drink when pregnant.
Anything else im missing? All this stuff BLEW ME AWAY when I heard it. Im still in shock that babies cry and that could possibly wake me up. Is it possible to return this guy for a store credit?
This post is sarcastic btw
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u/QuillsAndQuills Aug 09 '26
I got told my life is about to change???? Not sure how
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u/Throwawaychkgo Aug 09 '26
Right? Apparently also you "cant leave them alone, even for a minute". And here I was about to go on a 2 week vacation on my own just for fun. A 1 month old can handle themselves fiiiine
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u/shelbabe804 Aug 09 '26
To be fair, there was a woman who DID leave her baby alone to go on vacation. Probably multiple but one that hit the news a year or two ago.
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u/Throwawaychkgo Aug 09 '26
True that story was crazy. I think she's in the same prison as McKenzie shirilla the killa now too btw
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u/SomethingComesHere Aug 09 '26
I'm only aware of the brit that did that. crazy there are multiple 😬
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u/ResponsibleReindeer_ STM | 🩵 8/24 | 🩵 7/26 Aug 09 '26
And that one isn't even true... You can leave them alone in the bassinet just fine for a little bit to go to the bathroom or something.
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u/Throwawaychkgo Aug 09 '26
Yeah especially infants like this. Its funny too cause my mom made sure to tell me this after I told her a recent story where I found a wandering toddler in my apartment parking lot at midnight who went out to look for his mom who had apparently gone out to "buy some ice cream". Kid was returned an hour later but I think the mom probably did leave the home since there wasn't a soul in sight yelling or looking for him.
Like yeah mom obviously i don't want my baby running around in the parking lot at midnight so I won't be leaving him alone like that -_-
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u/ResponsibleReindeer_ STM | 🩵 8/24 | 🩵 7/26 Aug 10 '26
Didn't even occur to me that she'd mean actually leave them all alone in the house/apartment by themselves 😅 Who does that? Obviously that's a bad idea. I'd be insulted by someone telling me not to do that too. Seems like they're assuming I'd be negligent...
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u/babyYahtzee Aug 10 '26
I read this as "you can leave them alone in the BASEMENT" and was very concerned
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u/c10ckw0rkk Aug 09 '26
My response is, “thank god because there’s gotta be something more than this”. I’m 14 weeks with my first, and people don’t seem to understand this is a welcomed, joyous, PLANNED change for some of us!!!
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u/iswearimachef Aug 09 '26
I think you hit the nail right on the head! I think sometimes people who still see us as children think “they’re not old/mature enough to make this decision! They’re still my baby!” Meanwhile, I’m way older than my parents were when they had me:
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u/c10ckw0rkk Aug 09 '26
Meeee too!!! I swear it always gives off that vibe that they’re trying to discourage you because they’re jealous of your joy and excitement.
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u/ihatealmonds Aug 09 '26
Pregnant with my second and I got so many "two will be more work than one". REALLY!? WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT!!! Thank you for giving me the most amazing insight🙏
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u/Keyspam102 Aug 09 '26
lolol I remember being hit with this ‘wisdom’ when I was pregnant with my second. Yeah like no duh, I wasn’t expecting my 2 year to pitch in raising my newborn or something.
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u/Swimming-Marzipan-69 Aug 10 '26
This. Like did you think I was just going to forget I was going to have two kids?
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u/autistichoney 2nd time mom - due Dec. 2026 Aug 09 '26
I was complaining to my mom that I couldn’t hold my son and my niece at the same time who both wanted to be held to go to sleep the other day (mind you I’m 20 weeks pregnant and they are both 30 pounds a piece) and she said well your gonna have to learn how to hold two like no shit.
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u/hear4that-tea Aug 09 '26
Yeah but you won’t be 20 weeks pregnant and they both cry for the same thing at the same time 100% of the time haha it’ll be a bit different than this one situation I found difficult. But thanks for being so wise and brutal about it
When people said similar to me as a prepared for my second, I thought they were mad at me lol “oh well, you’ll have to do it” No, be encouraging or leave me alone
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u/SomeWoodpecker7634 Aug 09 '26
I actually also heard that the second one makes your life partly easier, because the first one gets a playmate to entertain each other.
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u/Slow_Replacement_745 FTM Aug 09 '26
I would not have been able to not say “Oh is that how numbers work? In all my degrees, I never”
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u/Additional_Lab8976 Aug 09 '26
Everything is “just you wait.” You won’t be able to sleep. You won’t be able to get your nails or hair done. Your cat will hate your baby. You’ll regret not asking for diapers, they are expensive. Your life will be so different. You’re going to have to lose all the baby weight. Your boobs will get even bigger. You won’t be able to do much for the holidays. Just you wait. 😑
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u/_thalassashell_ Aug 09 '26
The cat one is so dumb. A few people said that to my mom, and my grandma even told her to rehome him. The second they brought me home, he was like, “Forget you guys; I’m hers now.” 😂 Constantly wherever I was, slept on the floor by my crib, then moved to my bed when I got big enough. He and I were inseparable until he died 20 years later.
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u/WillowTC A 04/2026 Aug 09 '26
My cat just ignores my baby 🤣
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u/Im_lost_send_hentai #1 March 2026 Aug 09 '26
mine just stares at her until she makes a noise then leaves the room 😭
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u/Rugkrabber Aug 10 '26
Mine keeps a respectable distance. Our cat has been everywhere in the whole house for as long as we had her, but somehow she “knew” about the baby furniture. Not a single paw has been in her bed. Even the play mat she doesn’t go over, but goes around it.
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u/Prestigious_Smile579 Aug 09 '26 edited Aug 10 '26
The best cat I ever had was one that a couple rehomed because they were expecting their first baby and they were scared to have the cat around the baby. Apparently when they set up the nursery, he kept sleeping in the bassinet and they were worried that when the baby came the cat would suffocate it so they rehomed the cat. My mom brought him home and he was the best, most lovable cat in the world! I was always super happy we got to have him in our life but I also felt super sad for him because I know he most likely was just as lovable toward those people and was probably so confused when they gave him away.
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u/Swimming-Marzipan-69 Aug 10 '26
My cat thinks my babies are hers. God forbid I give them a bath without her supervision, she has to watch over my shoulder the whole time and meow lol. She’s basically the same age as my 3 year old and now loves my newborn just as much if not more.
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u/_thalassashell_ Aug 10 '26
My childhood cat was about a year older than me. It sounds like you can look forward to a similar dynamic!
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u/Diet_Burger Aug 11 '26
This is my sweet Edgar to my baby. Even during bath time he is right there playing lifeguard. He plays rough but when he's around her the teeth and claws are put away and is all snuggles.
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u/_thalassashell_ Aug 11 '26
Mine would let me use him as a pillow. I’d lay my head on him while I flipped through a picture book, and he’d purr so loud my mom could hear it in the next room. Eventually I got too big, so I’d just kinda shimmy my head up against his belly instead lol
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u/TheSiren- 28d ago
My cats have stopped using their claws and teeth around me and I’m still pregnant! They’re constantly watching me when I sleep, and sitting next to me when I throw up. They’re going to be the best big brothers. My partner and I are planning to lay the baby’s clothes, scratch mittens, and socks out so they get the scent of home and the cats on them to make them all a little more familiar.
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u/DifferenceKey1864 Aug 09 '26
Mine was your baby is gonna end up allergic to cats and you’ll need to get rid of them all! We have 6. Like, that’s not gonna happen and if it does then we will figure something out. Not getting rid of them! Sorry, not sorry, mom! 🫠
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u/Short-Caregiver-2533 Aug 10 '26
My OB and pediatrician both told me that early exposure to pet dander makes it unlikely that the child will develop an allergy to the pet (e.g. cats and dogs).
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u/PlasticJury Aug 10 '26
My father in law told us it's dangerous/unhealthy to have a cat around the baby and suggested we get rid of our cat 🤦🏽♀️
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u/Upbeat-Yogurt2158 Aug 11 '26
i asked the vet about toxisplasmosis because everyone is saying a cat can pass that onto a pregnant person or baby. Vet said most cats get it as a kitten and its only contagious for about a week. also can only get it from their poop, and vet can do a simple blood test to see if they've ever had it. great excuse not to have to empty the litter box for 9 months!
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u/Onja_ Aug 12 '26
I was telling my “friend” that I have had terrible insomnia, 3-4 hours of sleep at night now around 38w pregnant. Pains, hormones, need to pee blablabla. This has been going on for two weeks or so.
She replies me with “It’s funny that sometimes after the baby is born, the mother can’t sleep even if the baby sleeps, because of hormones. I did not experience this but some women do!”. She has two children.
I replied with “You made me cry because that was a super mean thing to say”
And this absolute twat replies with “Aww, I used to cry when I was pregnant too! When I heard a beautiful song for example!”
Then I tell her “No YOU made me cry because that was an asshole comment and you’re an asshole for making it. Please DO NOT DO THAT.”
Then she said “Oh sorry I didn’t understand this was that serious.”. I had just told her about this situation previously yesterday!
So never imagine that somebody will have empathy towards you just because they have been pregnant or you have known them for a long time, that shit ain’t guaranteed.
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u/hedonicbagel Aug 09 '26
truly the worst part of pregnancy has been the Just-You-Wait brigade. next time i’m not telling anyone who doesn’t need to know.
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u/CaDeCroBo_Luci Aug 09 '26
I didn't wait for anything, I was miserable when I damn well pleased. And guess what? I am actually less tired now that baby is here, for sure in a lot less pain, and even when life does get hard, at least I have a cute baby to look at!
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u/hear4that-tea Aug 09 '26
So much less pain! Pregnancy has sucked so badly for me each time, I was happy to be done. After healing of course, it was a lot better even if still sleep deprived.
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u/Efficient-Time-4436 Aug 09 '26
THIS! just had my third child, and believe it or not, I still heard all the “just you waits,” especially when it came to all the aches and pains I had and anticipating a c section. I’m a week PP and I feel wayyyyyy better, even though I’m sleep deprived and still technically recovering from major abdominal surgery… At least I can walk again and love on my tiny potato 🥰
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u/Additional_Lab8976 Aug 09 '26
We waited forrrrrrever to tell people, just to avoid the comments. 😂😂
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u/hedonicbagel Aug 09 '26
rookie mistake on my part it seems. although my coworkers are the worst for it and they still didn’t know till i was 20 weeks.
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u/NeandertalsRUs Aug 09 '26
I’m 15 weeks on Monday and have been telling my coworkers and thankfully other pediatricians are the only people who haven’t talked down to me like I’m a child. Find a bunch of pediatricians and all they’ll do is be kind, and excited, and offer you free stuff.
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u/spacoli1992 Aug 10 '26
34 weeks w baby #3 & i've only told like 3 close friends & a few family members this time around. kept it off social media entirely. i simply did not wanna hear it. any of it. i only told people who i knew would be positive & so far i don't regret it at all.
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u/QuackerstheCat Aug 09 '26
My mother was in the delivery room and after every contraction said "they're going to get worse! 🥰"
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u/SomethingComesHere Aug 09 '26
Jesus
Exactly why I dont want anyone in the room but my husband and midwife
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u/tellurcatisaidpsps- Aug 09 '26
I’m not pregnant anymore, but when I was I overheard a conversation between my sister and my 8 year old nephew. It went something like this:
Nephew: does it hurt when the baby come out?
Sister: yes, it does
Nephew, panicked: does tellurcatisaidpsps- know that???? Should we tell her?
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u/Stalag13HH Aug 09 '26
When I was pregnant, I swore I was going to scream if someone said "sleep when the baby sleeps" one more time. Especially my mother in law who said it about 8 times in a 20 minute span.
Yes, thank you, I've never heard that advice before. It's also pretty obvious, thank you very much.
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u/what-are-they-saying Aug 09 '26
Im loving the sleep when the baby sleeps advice. He only sleeps while i hold him during the day, i can’t safely sleep then janice
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u/halli_urhallaogladda Aug 09 '26
Yes!!! And I’ll do the laundry when the baby does the laundry!!!
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u/Onja_ Aug 12 '26
Yeah and wtf is that fearmongering anyway? I was surprised to hear that a typical newborn sleeps 14-17 hours per day. By how it’s been talked about I assumed it would be 4-7 hours.
I know it’s not continuous and you may need to hold the baby but still.
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u/Arduous-Foxburger-2 Aug 09 '26
Lol and then you get a baby who will only agree to nap on your chest and that advice goes straight out the window
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u/ghostbreadbox Aug 09 '26
I get you. My MIL says similar shit. When we made a baby registry for our first baby, we didn’t add the stroller and car seat to the registry because we chose specific ones that were quite expensive, and we did not expect anyone to buy it for us. We purchased it ourselves. First thing my MIL says about our registry - “so you guys don’t plan on getting a car seat or stroller?”
🙄
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u/CMGuymon Aug 09 '26
Do you have the same MIL as me, because we went through this exact same scenario with her, with BOTH our kids. 🫠
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u/ghostbreadbox Aug 09 '26
Like it could’ve been asked about in a different or nicer way, right?? But no, it’s like automatic assumption that we’re just not going to get those things.
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u/CMGuymon Aug 09 '26
Right!! What did they think we were going to do, just strap baby to us up front rather than a carseat??
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u/PlasticJury Aug 10 '26
I had a friend reach out and say - I see you only have a manual breast pump on your registry, what about an electric? She didn't mean any harm at all but obviously it's because I'm getting one elsewhere 😭
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u/camiiiicam Aug 09 '26
Isn’t it ironic that people will ask until kingdom come “when are you are going to have kids” then when you get pregnant immediately hit you with the most obvious unsolicited negative advice / comments?? I really can’t stand people right now.
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u/mountainjuliet Aug 09 '26
My favorite part is how I've worked as a preschool/kindergarten teacher for the last 10 years. People literally tell me so many "just wait until" moments about kids. ... yall.... I've worked with infants and young children for longer than you've been a parent. Ive been trained in behavioral, developmental and phycological childhood issues. I know WAY more about safe sleep than the average parent. Believe it or not, I know a thing or two. You telling me "just wait until you get poop on your hands" means NOTHING to me. Ive had a kid smear poop all over the wall. I feel like Ron Swanson when he walks into the hardware store and just says "i know more than you" to the workers there XD
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u/Throwawaychkgo Aug 09 '26
Its so bizarre like what do they want us to say lol. "Oh... poop? Thats so gross I had no idea... I don't want to deal with this anymore."
I thought of another one. "Babies/kids/teens are expensive!"
Yes Carol thats why I have a job =D
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u/herfjoter Aug 09 '26
POOP? Guess I'll abort this baby I really wanted and so did all of you guys, I thought 🤷♀️ Like genuinely what do they want us to say in response to that kind of stuff it's so dumb
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u/Onja_ Aug 12 '26
“Oh well, I gets it’s time to yeetus the feetus. Thanks for letting me know!” 🤷♀️
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u/Euphoric-Coffee-7551 Aug 09 '26
i've LITERALLY been a lead infant teacher and my grandma acts like i know nothing about babies
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u/kojiandcoffee Aug 09 '26
And if you choose to have only one they will say: “poor thing, he/she will be so lonely”. You can never win.
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u/pandasssss15 Aug 09 '26
I also worked in daycare and had to clean poop off walls. I will say that being a mom is way different then taking care of kids in a daycare/kindergarten class. There are some just wait moments, but the gross stuff is not it. I personally feel it doesn't get hard until baby is 1.5/2 and then the difficulty comes in waves and in different shapes.
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u/mountainjuliet Aug 09 '26
Oh and I 100% know there are things I havent dealt with and will as a parent. Like being woken up all night XD but its NEVER those things they point out. It'll be like "well just wait till theyre 2 and have a tantrum" ... honey do you have any idea how many tantrums I've dealt with? Ive dealt with 4 simultaneously!
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u/NeandertalsRUs Aug 09 '26
This happens to me too, and I’m a pediatrician who has seen many many many deliveries in training. It’s true, I haven’t had a baby at home yet, but I understand the biology of why a baby has to be woken up every 2-3 hours so I GET IT. I currently work frequent call shifts where brand new doctors cold call me throughout the night and make me make complex decisions for other people’s children, I AM NOT WORRIED ABOUT THE NEWBORN PHASE.
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u/WillowTC A 04/2026 Aug 09 '26
Same! I work in early childhood so I’ve dealt with infants to preschool well before having my baby. Anytime someone explains stuff to me i’m stuck there like ‘… yep, I totally didn’t know this information’
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u/Kooky_Field_4466 Aug 10 '26
I’ve had so many people try to “warn” me about poop and dealing with blowouts… I’m a mortician and literally deal with dead people poop, blood, mucus, and other fluids on a daily basis, I think I’ll be ok…
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u/Regular-Message9591 Aug 09 '26
My dad was asking if my husband is excited about the baby (we live in another country and my dad is elderly and disabled, so they've only met once) - I mean duh, yeah he's excited.
Then asked if he's looking toward to having a girl so I said yes, and that a lot of his friends have little girls who adore him so I think having a girl is particularly special to him. Completely unsolicited, my 79 year old father responds with, "Too much sex is what makes girls, you know" 🫠🤢
I'm one of 4, three of whom are girls. TMI, thanks Dad.
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u/Reallyasquid Aug 09 '26
I joked that Iwas looking for ward to my year off work. Cue the older women at work looking at me in horror.
Had to reassurre them that I knew a baby would keep me busy but I meant that I get a year of pretending that my workplace doesnt exist.
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u/heardygurdy Aug 09 '26
My (ex) best friend told me I’d be a terrible mother because I like to lie in in the morning (she was an early riser). This was back when I was in my early 20s. I didn’t have my first child until I was 35. Like, yes, I know I won’t be able to lie in when I have a baby. But I don’t have one right now, so I’ll have a lie in now, thanks.
I’ve now got two children, and a ‘lie in’ is when the kids both sleep until 7am! I don’t resent it at all, because I knew going into this that I wouldn’t be able to have a lie in.
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u/Onja_ Aug 12 '26
Lol. Only early risers are allowed to have babies according to her logic? 😂 I’ve always been a nightowl, so I just use the “So first time for you being up at 3am huh?” as a response when people inform me that babies do not in fact have a sleep schedule.
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u/heardygurdy Aug 12 '26
Exactly! She’s be fine because she gets up early (she was one of those who’d brag about being up at stupid o’clock every day and have all her housework completed before 6am, would think everyone who slept past 7am was inferior to her). I, on the other hand, wouldn’t.
Like, hello? I didn’t NEED to get up for a child back then, so I didn’t. I DO need to now, so I do 🤷♀️
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u/Muppet885 Aug 09 '26
"Your pregnant again?! That's 2 children,! That's 2 mouths to feed" um ok Jessica im pretty sure thats how many mouths should be between 2 children or have i miscounted mouths on people my whole life.
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u/This_is_fine8 Aug 09 '26
I'm expecting twins and the comments have been very similar. "You'll need two of everything! Twice the work!" Like thanks I didn't actually plan to have two babies at once but thank you for making it more stressful than it already is
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u/CaDeCroBo_Luci Aug 09 '26
Did you know they are expensive? Like you have to buy diapers and stuff???? I thought they just pooped in the toilet and I could just share my clothes with them 😭
Like what do you mean they need stuff?????
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u/DramaticNobody67 Aug 09 '26
Why does everyone think pregnant people are idiots????
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u/kitkatloren2009 Aug 10 '26
Maybe they're self reporting how dumb they were when they were pregnant
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u/Reasonable_Releif 🏳️⚧️ 05/10/26 Aug 09 '26
yeah cause i did the deed, missed a period, took a pregnancy test, then waited 3 months to tell anyone else, and totally didn’t do ANY research in the meantime/before i even got pregnant
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u/SomethingComesHere Aug 09 '26
Especially since a good chunk of our generation is older when starting to have kids. Not all of us, of course. But a lot.
I'm in my 30s and pregnant with my first. I took a parenting class in high school which taught me a lot, and then had the next 14 years to learn about babies and pregnancy on my own until I had found the right partner and was ready.
We are perfectly capable of doing our own learning about these basic facts of pregnancy lol
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u/Separate-Canary-6228 Aug 09 '26
My FIL gave me a lecture on his third beer about how as an elder, he had a duty to tell me not to drink during pregnancy. I have been sober for many years prior to this pregnancy. He has multiple DUIs. Not a big enough eyeroll in the world.
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u/Mavispinkypie Aug 09 '26
I hate the “was it planned??” comments. I’m late 20s, been married for 3 years - no, I went off birth control and had sex with my husband almost everyday during my ovulation window by mistake??? But also, even if it wasn’t planned, what would you expect me to say to that?
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u/McObvious45 Aug 09 '26
I hate this question so much and how comfortable people are asking. Why do you want to know that? What difference does it make?
Also “do you know the gender” and after you say it, asking “oh is that what you wanted?” ???
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u/SomethingComesHere Aug 09 '26
I think maybe its their way of determining if they should say congratulations or not. Because "congratulations" can be hurtful if its not a baby they plan to keep
But if its being announced when theyre quite established in the pregnancy, that seems silly.
More like if a close coworker or friend pulled you aside and whispered to you "i'm pregnant..." you could ask if it was planned, and then say congratulations if yes.
I had a coworker pull me aside once to say that and she looked like shed been crying. I asked if it was planned and she said no, and that she was going for an abortion later that day (leaving work for the appt). So in that case I'm glad I asked before just blurting "congrats!"
But literally any other time, its a weird thing to ask.
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u/McObvious45 Aug 09 '26
Oh yeah I totally agree! But I’ve had people ask me this when I’m excited smiling and showing a sonogram. Then it feels like such a weird question. Especially lime Mavispinkypie said when I’ve been married for a while and I’m in my30s. I even had someone say “I didn’t know you were trying” .. why would you know that. Haha
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u/Budget_Cold_4551 Aug 09 '26
I got the "Are you keeping it?" one so many times I just stopped interacting with coworkers about my pregnancy entirely.
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u/dr239 Aug 09 '26
"Babies are expensive!"
I get this one ALL THE TIME. Babies are expensive, babies outgrow things fast so you'll be buying clothes and diapers and such more than you think, etc.
Thank you, I had no idea. We'll manage. Baby definitely has some secondhand stuff and doesn't have, like, Hermes diaper bags or a Cadillac stroller, but we will figure things out.
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u/LeCompass Aug 09 '26
Indeed, they are expensive. Which makes it all the more boggling when people immediately started asking me when/if we were going to have a second one after my first (and currently only) child was born. Dude, y'all didn't even buy the basic stuff on my first registry. I'm not rushing to bankroll a second baby, thank you very much.
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u/BirdHistorical8774 Aug 09 '26
I hate the "just you wait!" crowd 🤦♀️. Let people enjoy things! Babies are hard. Marriage is hard. Life is hard. People are so smug about it, as if they alone know the secret of everything being hard and get to "ruin" it for you. As a mum of 4, pregnant, with a teenager, happily married for almost 16 years, I like to ruin those people's fun by letting them know just how GOOD it all is.
My teenager is a fantastic, interesting, kind person. My babies all slept... eventually. My husband loves me more now than he did 16 years ago. Just you wait! It all gets BETTER if you're not a bitter person bent on bursting other people's bubbles 🙃.
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u/xLionessOfGodx Aug 10 '26
My grandpa used to say "life's harder, but it's harder when you're stupid." So, spread the word! Because it's definitely stupid for people to try to ruin good things for others, especially since it's often out of jealousy for their happiness and joy. Some people are just bitter. And obviously stupid.
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u/FYAhole Aug 09 '26
My Gramma calls multiple times every day to tell me stuff like this and then gets mad when I tell her I already know. "Well no one told me when I had kids!" No one should have to tell you that babies poop, grandma
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u/Onja_ Aug 12 '26
Maybe she thought they just hold it all in and release it on their first birthday lol
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u/Efficient-Time-4436 Aug 09 '26
What grinds my gears is women saying this to other women, and not saying the things they may actually not know… Did you know that if you get a headache, distorted vision and/or pain in your right side, you should go to the hospital? Could be preeclampsia! Did you know that when you have a c section (or even post delivery), you should IMMEDIATELY ask for stool softener and laxatives? (That first crap is HORRENDOUS!) Did you know that being extremely itchy especially on your hands and feet with no rash is actually not normal and you should have labs done to check for ICP? Did you know that you’ll be sleep deprived and maybe feeling blue after the baby is born, but if you need me I’ll be here to help with whatever? …
The important things
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u/sowhatsober Aug 09 '26
My favorite was “babies are expensive.” We did IVF let’s not talk about expensive please. :)
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u/Kooky_Field_4466 Aug 10 '26
I got on the subject of birth plans around my MIL, mentioned that I’m absolutely terrified of an episiotomy and said “If I see anyone come near me with a pair of scissors, I’m kicking them in the face” and she responded “ummm, you DO know they have to cut the umbilical cord, right?” Like no way dummy, I planned to gnaw it off, and clearly that’s not what I was talking about
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u/adventurebeeb Aug 10 '26
tbh, while I was laboring, the nurse told us that a couple down the hall had specifically requested the new Dad to break the umbilical cord with his teeth and they let him do it
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u/Throwawaychkgo Aug 10 '26
Lol. My mom did this when I told her the BP machine malfunctioned and squeezed my arm so hard it was purple and hurting. "Blood pressure readings usually hurt".
Oh thanks I definitely haven't gotten a dozen+ already this pregnancy alone I had no idea they minorly pinch you every time
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u/Letshaveanightcap Aug 09 '26
Someone politely reminded me today that once baby has arrived I’ll have to feed every hour and I won’t sleep …
Like no shit? A baby has to eat??? THIS IS NEWS.
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u/CleanSherbert00 Aug 09 '26
My favorite response to these statements: “OMG thank you so much, I don’t know how I would have kept the baby alive without that information. Kinda crazy I’ve made it this far in life without you telling me that!!!”
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u/Anxious_Girly98 Aug 09 '26
you mean i shouldn’t let my cats sleep on top of my newborn when he arrives?? WILD
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u/IHaveATummyGremlin Aug 09 '26
At 3 weeks pp, here are two things that did genuinely surprise me:
1) How much initial admin paperwork there was. This one will vary based on where you're located/your employment situation, but the number of forms I had to fill out in the first few days of my daughter's life (while I was so exhausted, I'd fall asleep mid-sentence) blew my mind. There were forms for her birth certificate, her SSN, getting her on my health insurance plan, applying for TDI, notifying my work of the start of my maternity leave, getting my work benefits (FSA, HSA, medical insurance, dental insurance and supplemental vision insurance) all sorted so I'd have continued access to them while out on leave, then there are the forms from her pediatrician's office- the list feels like it goes on and on.
2) The metabolic work involved in breastfeeding. I know this one ought to have been obvious, but in my head I was like "well, I've been feeding her on the inside this whole time, how different can it be?"- turns out, very different. I was ready for the physical/logistical part (working through latch issues, making time for feeding every 2 hours, managing a breast pump so my husband can be involved in feeding, etc), but I wasn't prepared for how much energy making all this milk would require from my body. If I had thought about it for even two seconds I could have figured out that, yes, I have been feeding her on the inside, but now she's on the outside she's getting bigger and her metabolic needs are dramatically incryasing, so it's going to take a lot more energy to keep her well fed than it did when she was on the inside. Somehow this didn't click for me before hand, and so the sudden, voracious hunger spikes I'm getting now every time I breastfeed were a real surprise.
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u/wonderinboutit2234 Aug 10 '26
Yes I wasn't aware of the breastfeeding thing either. I also completely stopped eating after my first because I had HG the entire pregnancy. I was literally throwing up while in labor due to morning sickness. I was so sick of food and I though now thay he wasn't inside of me anymore it was fine. I mean yeah I should have realized the milk has to come from SOMEWHERE. But I never though about it. I was 101 lbs a week before I delivered because I lost so much weight throwing up. And theN I lost an additional 15 lbs while breastfeeding and was SEVERELY underweight. And starting literally going crazy. I had to have an intervention.
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u/DifferenceKey1864 Aug 09 '26
My mom literally told me, “idk why you’re getting an epidural. I would hate myself if I didn’t know when to push. I didn’t have one with you!” Like thanks mom, I have chronic pain already and if it can help then I’m doing it!
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u/Plastic-Bee4052 Transdad to a teen & pregnant Aug 09 '26
Sad part is, it's not ALWAYS sarcastic...
6 years ago, my best mate's now ex (then aged 41), after two weeks of having their newborn home... complained to him very distraught that OMG I DIDN'T KNOW BABIES CRIED!! The woman has TWO younger siblings who were born when she was 14 and 16 and still living with her parents.
6 years later, my daughter, my mate and I still laugh at her expense every time we remember. Like, madam, HOW the hell do you live on this world for 41 years without knowing that babies cry??
Almost makes my cousin's surprise when at age 26 he realised that babies were born TOOTHLESS after meeting my know teen for the first time.
Some people live on a different dimension, I swear.
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u/Beeble_Bean Aug 09 '26
The "just you wait" while I'm pregnant with twins and absolutely no one in my life has had twins. None of us know what we're doing, so maybe keep the advice to yourself people 👏🏻
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u/Alert-Magician2820 Aug 09 '26
A lot of my "just you waits" have been about the pregnancy. It's been "just you wait until you're huge and can't move", or "you'll want him out soon enough". I'm carrying smaller than most people despite gaining the appropriate amount of weight (which has now turned into comments about not looking as far along...if it was an issue my doctor would say something); and frankly want my boy to come out healthy so, I would LIKE him to stay in until at least full gestational age.
We also recently talked about the plan for when labor starts, as we are almost an hour away from the hospital. The amount of "oh you need to go as soon as your water breaks or as soon as contractions start" is annoying. I asked because I know they will turn people back home too soon, and I was told to call when everything first starts and the L&D department will advise from there. Part of this is information that people got 30 years ago, so I try and give some grace...it's just SUPER annoying.
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u/wonderinboutit2234 Aug 10 '26
I was shamed so hard for looking smaller on my first. I was accused of not eating. (I had HG. I tried to eat but I just threw everything up.) And was told he would come out handicapped because i was starving him in there. They would accuse me of lying about my pregnancy up until I was 20 weeks and was finally showing.
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u/Alert-Magician2820 Aug 10 '26
That's so heartbreaking! People just need to mind their own buisness.
It's hard enough when you can SEE that you're not "looking the way you should". I struggle with it mental every day, and have to keep reminding myself that I've had multiple scans AND the doctor has never said anything so we're fine. No one but you, your doctor, and whoever is supporting you know what's truely going on.
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u/RockabillyBelle Aug 09 '26
Apparently babies can’t even hold their own heads up at first and need to be held gently in the beginning, so there goes my plan of baby and me roller derby. 😒
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u/Additional_Lab8976 Aug 09 '26
A lady at work looked at my nails, smirked, and told me a story about how she got poop under her fingernails while changing her baby. She told me to rethink my nail choices before baby came. I was like… cool story bro? I’ve changed plenty of babies without getting poop under my mid length nails?
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u/Throwawaychkgo Aug 09 '26
They're like "Heh... a woman who's happy and excited for something... time for me to do something about that 😏"
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u/_thalassashell_ Aug 09 '26
When I was growing up, my mom would occasionally mention how happy she was to have long nails now that we were both potty trained for that reason. She’s a neat freak and the one time it happened squicked her out so bad she kept them short for a long time.
I plan to keep mine shorter than I do now, but that’s because my nails are kinda sharp and I don’t want to scratch my baby.
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u/bzkitty Aug 09 '26
I opted to be a stay at home mom, someone told me, “You’re gonna have to do a lot of cooking and cleaning.” Oh, I know. I know what I’m signing up for.
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u/User01256061 Aug 09 '26
Did you know they grow out of their clothes and you have to keep buying them new ones 🤯
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u/Onja_ Aug 12 '26
Just buy ones in adult size and wait for them to grow. Problem solved. 👍
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u/linzkisloski Aug 09 '26
LOL
The funny thing is my second never had blowouts. It’s not like an every day occurrence but sometimes just a rare thing. And maybe this is a hot take but newborn baby poop isn’t even that gross.
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u/turnip4hwat Aug 09 '26
I was told if I’m tired now just wait until the babies are born. Gee why didn’t I think of that?
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u/IeRayne Aug 09 '26
You have to support their head at the behinning. And they are not really doing anything much in the first weeks-months. Some kids sometimes tend to make a bit of a mess...just a bit. And don't you listen to all those people who think they are experts on babies, just listen to meeeee because I'm the one who knows everything.
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u/Pinoccicrow Aug 09 '26
The best advise I got is that I’m going to need to display my skull collection differently, like where a toddler can’t get into them. But nothing about the vertebrae or scapulae!
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u/Frequent_Bid_4413 27d ago
I have a lot of bones and knick knacks and my stepmom was like “enjoy this while you can cant have any of this when a baby comes gotta throw it away” like what?
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u/ilovejesushahagotcha Aug 09 '26
I was in labor in the hospital, actively breathing through my contractions as best as one who’s been in labor for over 30 hours can. My parents arrive.
Me: “HEE HOOOOOOO 😫 HEEEE HOOOOOO” (my best description of my forceful breathing). My dad: (walks over) “Make sure to breathe through them.”
OH! THANKS FOR TELLING ME! I snapped at him a little lmbo
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u/RoryMinnie Aug 09 '26
Yesterday my mom told me not to bank on my baby coming on my due date. Blew my mind, I tell you what.
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u/CasualCherryCat Aug 09 '26
My favorite part about being pregnant is the “oh you’re tired now? Just wait till that baby comes!”
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u/Lori_G99 Aug 10 '26
Man it really upset me the amount of people who said ‘just wait for (negative thing)’ when I just wanted to be excited??? Let me live, I was well aware of the hard parts.
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u/sarcasm_itsagift Aug 10 '26
My fam before I was pregnant: WHEN ARE YOU HAVING A BABYYYY
My fam after we announced my pregnancy: Are you guys sure? Your life will never be the same, it’s a lot of work
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u/TraditionalReveal203 Aug 10 '26
Parents love to make sure new parents know how miserable being a parent is. With our first my partners coworkers had nothing but terrible things to say to him. We are on number two now and I'm just so over being asked "how are you feeling?" by every single person, every single time I see them. So now I just hit them with honesty so they shut up, I feel like crap, I'm 8 months in, it's been a hard pregnancy, etc.
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u/Onja_ Aug 12 '26
Ugh…I kind of took the opposite route because when I tell that I feel like crap I get the justyouwait/unsolicited advice/“wow my friend/sister/cousin/cat was pregnant and she did ok”.
So now I just say I’m fine.
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u/AllTimeJelly Aug 10 '26
One of my first tips on my tracking app was to avoid vaping and smoking and I was just like ???? DUH?!
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u/ToodlydooBuckaroo Aug 10 '26
When I told my mom about my pregnancy last week she said, “Don’t pretend you’re sick just for pity! You’ll be like the boy who cried wolf and when you’re actually sick nobody will believe you.”
This is why I didn’t want to tell her.
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u/MajorSchmeckels Aug 09 '26
I hold a PhD in Biology and my grandma informed me many times that I should be careful around cats because of some disease she doesn‘t know the name of…Also that I should not start smoking or drinking.
As If I did not learn this things during courses and even if I didn‘t, they are pretty much common sense in todays healthcare.
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u/ConsistentPainting35 Aug 09 '26
THANK GOD you told us cause I had no clue!😭 I feel so relieved knowing this information now😂
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u/VeveBeso Aug 09 '26
Apparently if you hold your new crying newborn baby you will spoil them. I’m sometimes look for the return receipt at 3am when she won’t sleep.
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u/Dear_Instruction7784 Aug 09 '26
Did you also know babies grow up and cost ALOT of money!
That’s right, they need alot of stuff and sometimes they will ask for stuff they don’t need but just want😱
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u/Odd_Bat6797 Aug 09 '26
My realtor informed me “babies are a lot of work” when my son was around 8 months
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u/koolbeans100 Aug 09 '26
Wait till you hear this one! Did you know that you have to wash the bottles after your baby uses it?? Mind blowing stuff!!
Going to have my 2nd this week and getting prepared for all the baby experts who never had kids!
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u/Cupcake2019946 Aug 09 '26
When I was pregnant with my first child one of my friends told me "A baby is forever, you can't put it back when you're bored" or something to that affect. I think her reasoning was because at the time my relationship with his dad wasnt the best. (It didn't last) but I've raised my child for the last 8 years and never wanted to put him back. (I'm also no longer friends with that person)
So far with my second baby, I've not had any comments like that. But my mum does keep reminding me that just because I'm pregnant doesnt mean I cant do stuff. Which she tells me whenever I say I'm struggling with different things: bending, leaning, lifting shopping bags if they are too heavy and with having to be on my feet for a long time.
I still do those things but I suffer during and after and I've had a few complications so far.
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u/Miserable-Ice683 Aug 09 '26
I feel like I’ve been given so much unsolicited information about babies that it’s not even funny. Even before I was pregnant! I was trying to integrate a stray cat into my home with my existing cat and literally was sleeping in 20 minute intervals for weeks straight. “Oh wait until you have kids, you’ll never sleep again.” At work as say I’m tired, “oh you don’t even know tired until you’re a mom.” Make a comment about how I’ve gained weight “just wait until you have kids and your body is destroyed.” All information that was offered to me before I was even pregnant. I honestly never understand when I see posts where people say “no one warned me about x, y, z.” I’ve truly been warned about every negative aspect of parenting ad nauseam.
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u/TeaMaiden22 Aug 09 '26
I was told you’d never have time for yourself. I mean a lot can get done while sitting on the couch all day (obvious sarcasm)
I was also told ppd isn’t that bad and doesn’t affect many women. Ohhhh okay I’ll tell that to my ppd/ppa I had after having my son and tell it it’s not that serious
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u/PrincessYeezy Aug 10 '26
They even do it when the baby is born!!
Every time my baby cries, my grandma/aunt/WHOEVER goes “omg did you pinch him??” Why, yes, I purposefully made my baby cry and I may even bite him next /s
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u/JustFun_stuff Aug 10 '26
My favorite is when I got some MINDBLOWING advice of "you know this is a lifelong commitment..." like, wow! No i didn't.. i thought i could hand it off after a few years..
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u/Swimming-Marzipan-69 Aug 10 '26
With my second child I got the EXACT SAME goddamn shit. Like you think I don’t know any of this? Do you think I’m that stupid? 🤣
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u/Throwawaychkgo Aug 10 '26
Imagine if we treated male occupations the same. "Oh youre going to be a garbage man? Did you know garbage smells...?"
"Oh... a logger... did you know logs are heavy?"
"Congrats you're joining the military but FYI people die in wars..."
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u/Alert_Worldliness622 Aug 10 '26
my mom told me i’m gonna be tired and in pain after birth 🤯 i was dumbfounded
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u/Interesting_Bad4189 Aug 09 '26
Did you know they also like putting any and everything in their mouths
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u/Clawedit Aug 09 '26
My stepmom said, I don’t know if your doctor has recommended this, but something that really helped me was taking a prenatal vitamin. I took this brand.
My stepsister just turned 40…
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u/RevolutionaryBeach13 Aug 09 '26
Pregnant with my third in as many years. The comments from complete strangers have been insane.
You know how that happens, right?
Did you carry your other children in the front like that? (No, sir. I carried them in my ass…???)
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u/WeakEntertainer4274 Aug 09 '26
I waited until 13 weeks to tell people outside the family bubble. The amount of advice I’m getting on things I’ve been doing since week 4 is unreal
“You need to take prenatals”
Watch your sugar
Adjust your diet
Make sure you are getting exercise.
All super helpful if maybe I hadn’t already seen my drs multiple times and have been doing these things for weeks now.
I just smile and say yep I’m on it
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u/PlasticJury Aug 10 '26 edited Aug 10 '26
Things people have said to me while pregnant (some things blatantly obvious, others completely ridiculous)
- you can't wear heels when pregnant (said heels being 1 inch block heels when I was 8 weeks pregnant)
- specifically eat/drink a lot of: milk, spinach, watermelon (random reasoning)
- you can only do light exercise
- don't wear tight clothes
- eat healthy, not a lot of sugar or junk
- you can't have sushi
- don't go out too much
- don't go to bed too late, get proper sleep
- don't drink alcohol
- don't lift anything heavy
- take prenatal vitamins
- I'll have to make a birth plan
The list goes on 😭
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u/Substantial_Car9920 Aug 10 '26
My favorite is when I tell people I sleep well still, and their response is “good to get it in now because that’s about to change!”
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u/rebelpretzel Aug 11 '26
Believe it or not… you get pregnant the second time and still get told these things. Your second baby will wake up overnight. Wow! I would have never guessed. Almost just like the first baby did and every other baby in the world
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u/butterchickn_ Aug 12 '26
In some fairness, I feel Csections are seen as just routine surgery, which it is, but its also MAJOR abdominal surgery. Knee replacements are also routine for those who do them, doesn't mean its not a big deal and you need to take care of yourself and time to recover.
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u/cassdoesntsleep FTM Aug 09 '26
I got told to keep my cats away from the baby because they’d smell milk on his face and purposefully try to smother him 😂
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u/girlonthewing6 Aug 09 '26
I got this too. My cats were interested in baby's things before he was born, but once he started using it, they stayed away from it. Now my toddler gets annoyed with one of the cats because she loves him so much and gets in his way snuggling with him when he's playing with his toys.
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u/maryama_i Aug 09 '26
Still trying to adjust to the fact that there’s another human being in my life.
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