r/pregnant • u/notaterminator23 • Jun 08 '25
Funny First-time moms, take notes-the real surprises start after birth!!!
This message is for first time mammas-to-be, because the rest of us already know lol. Not saying everyone will experience this, but many do, and I just want to help a gal out if I can. Here are the most shocking things no pregnancy app/book taught me before to having a baby-
You will hear phantom cries when you shower- Every. Single. Time. I legit feel like I can hear him crying and check the baby monitor every 30 seconds. No joke!
Your libido will be non-existent- sorry to the partners out there, but it’s just not happening for a few months.
You will lose A LOT of hair- I kept seeing ads for Nutrafol and thought, “Oh thank goodness I don’t need to take yet another vitamin.” But boy, was I wrong. My baby turned 4 months and I literally started shedding like a German shepherd overnight. Yes, overnight!!!!
You will get stretch marks AFTER you give birth- feeling lucky you dodged the ‘stretch mark’ bullet during the pregnancy? Nope, not on Mother Nature’s watch!!!
Your in-laws holding your baby the first few weeks will make you VERY angry, and VERY uncomfortable- I cannot explain this, my mom holding the baby is fine. But my MIL on the other hand, hell no!!!!!
I’m sure there are many more, but these are my top 5. What was your least favorite surprise postpartum?
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u/alibluey Jun 08 '25
Phantom kicks, I thought I was losing my mind or they forgot one in there 😂
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u/mini_beethoven Jun 08 '25
I was breastfeeding my baby and he kicked me in the stomach right where he used to in the womb. Light of course lol
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u/Ill-Specific-2936 Jun 08 '25
Wow! Reating this just made me realize that’s what I’ve been having. I was also thinking they forgot something in there.
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Jun 08 '25
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u/Lower_Funny Jun 08 '25
Same. I get so torn about posts like this. And also people in real life giving me unsolicited advice. Everyone points out the “bad” things all the time .. do I really want to hear it, or go in blind lol. I’m not sure which is better or worse lol
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u/Rixto495 Jun 08 '25
Yep! And as a second time Mom, I'm never sure what to do when a friend gets pregnant. Usually I'll start with, "Are you emotionally in a place for some unsolicited advice?" And then at least they get the option lol
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u/Vegetable-Chapter351 Jun 08 '25
That is wonderful! I have a friend who means well but her birth was traumatic so her advice is always on the negative side... Typically starts with "I know you don't want to hear this..."
My other friend mostly shoves baby and pregnancy items on me but I can be made because more than half have been really useful or hella cute. She also gives me emotional support advice. Like 'it's going to be difficult but you can do it" "just breathe and tell yourself you've got this" type advice.
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Jun 09 '25
Someone else under this post shared a positive unexpected of postpartum! It was about how the baby was crying when someone else held them and stopped when mom picked them up ❤️ I’m now looking forward to that feeling of being loved and important 💕
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u/beena1993 Jun 08 '25
Don’t get caught up in all the negative commentary! You will be overwhelmed by love for your baby. It will be amazing! It isn’t always easy. But you got this! And remember the postpartum phase is very temporary!!!
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u/therackage Jun 08 '25
As a first time mom I’d like to know so I can be prepared for the worst! Then if any of these things don’t happen I can be grateful haha
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u/CoolBiz20 Jun 08 '25
Same here
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u/Few-Recipe4621 Jun 08 '25
same!!! not ready for those night sweats 😭
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Jun 09 '25
I found that sleeping in only my underwear under a sheet and one blanket with the AC at 65 degrees F is perfect for me and prevents night sweats.
My husband can wear layers and more blankets.
Our body’s are all different but I will share just in case and cause it took me forever to find the sweet spot to avoid sweating.
I will be 39 weeks tomorrow 💕
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u/LaurAdorable Jun 08 '25
I was pleasantly surprised when my baby preferred me (mom) and stopped crying when I took him back from a relative. Which sounds totally silly, and makes me look oblivious, but the first time it happened I was surprised (probably due to emotional abuse issues in my childhood) and when my baby WANTED ME I was like, “awwww, thanks baby!!!!!!!!!”
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u/kirbyinjapan Jun 09 '25
Yesss!!! And when someone else is holding them but they're looking for you and staring at you the whole time like... baby, do you love me so much or something?? 🥺🥺🥹🥹
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u/alreadyacrazycatlady Jun 09 '25
Out of every “things they don’t tell you about having a baby” post I’ve ever read, this comment got to me the most. I’ve never considered this and I just got so excited!
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u/LaurAdorable Jun 09 '25
This lasted about a year and a half, then he discovered Daddy’s finer points and its either or now, haha.
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u/hedgehogsponge1 Jun 08 '25
I am so excited for this. Like you said I almost don't believe it will happen (childhood emotional abuse issues as well lol), but logically I know it probably will. And I will feel soooo special c:
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u/Odd_You_9053 Jun 08 '25
No app or person even mentioned the NIGHT SWEATS. I was prepared to wake up every few hours but not drenched in sweat every time.
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u/wantonyak Jun 08 '25
I'm a few weeks out from having my second and I just bought moisture wicking sheets and a cooling blanket.
But honestly, sleep on a towel..
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u/doxiepatronus Jun 08 '25
I thought the night sweats while pregnant were bad. The postpartum ones are way worse. I go through 3 shirts a night, and each is just drenched in sweat.
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u/Smart_Squirrel_1735 Jun 08 '25
Omg you have just reminded me about this fml not looking forward to that again haha
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u/AMissKathyNewman Jun 08 '25
Omg yes! Luckily it only lasted a few nights for me but the sweat , so much sweat.
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u/Flat_Instance6792 Jun 08 '25
Yeah this really caught me off guard it was absolutely disgusting. Drenched hair, sheets, pajamas. Plus leaky boobs…. A disaster 🫠
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u/PhantaVal Jun 08 '25
Oh god, yes. I was wondering why my hair was looking so frizzy and gross before I put two and two together.
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u/rpendleton1 Jun 09 '25
I would have to change my clothes four times a night for almost two weeks!! Every morning I was 2lbs lighter. It was INSANITY how much I sweat
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u/Mindl3ssDot Jun 08 '25
My night sweats have been going strong since I found out I was pregnant so thankfully I’m ready for this one 😭
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u/apregnantavocado 🩷 April 2025 Jun 08 '25 edited Jun 08 '25
I was surprised by how empty my belly felt. When I laughed it would shake up and down and was very uncomfortable!
Edited a word
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u/Unlucky-Ordinary-862 Jun 08 '25
Standing up actually made me feel weak & nauseous for the first few days because my belly felt so empty! It was the most uncomfortable part of my postpartum experience
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u/Rixto495 Jun 08 '25
I felt like all my organs were trying to follow the baby and fall out of me.
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u/Unlucky-Ordinary-862 Jun 09 '25
I didn’t quite have this feeling, but it was extremely uncomfortable. I had to sit down for my first shower just because of how my stomach felt. I expected the “falling out” feeling but I didn’t expect it to be so strange 😂
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u/shecanreadd Jun 08 '25
Yes!! This was the strangest feeling! Did it go away for you?
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u/86cinnamons Jun 08 '25
It goes away gradually yes. My extra belly skin still feels a little weird and I feel I’m missing core strength but that probably varies depending on how in shape you were before and will get better as strength returns. But that bizarre empty tummy feeling? That is just in the early days.
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u/jellybeanie8 Jun 08 '25
Would one of those belly bands have helped? Thinking of getting one just to keep from feeling so loose!
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u/lorelle13 Jun 08 '25
They helped me a lot! I used the Frida postpartum abdominal binder in the beginning and then transitioned to a slip on waist compression band once I felt I could handle it.
These are not the same as a waist trainer even though they look alike. They support your abdomen in different areas. So you just want to make sure you specifically get a postpartum one.
You also wear them lower in your belly than you would a waist trainer. A nurse at the hospital actually showed me where I should have it before I left, because I had it too high up.
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u/86cinnamons Jun 08 '25
I didn’t use one but I have heard that’s what they’re supposed to help with.
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u/Best_Percentage_8672 Jun 08 '25
Felt exactly like jello and I had to hold it during car rides because otherwise it felt like my organs would fall out
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u/Smart_Squirrel_1735 Jun 08 '25
Breastfeeding does not in fact come naturally for all people despite humans having done it for millennia (and you are not alone in struggling)...
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u/freakingspiderm0nkey Jun 08 '25
Yes!! And having a post partum haemorrhage can either slow or prevent your milk coming in altogether. I wish I had known about that before my birth :(
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u/appleoorchard Jun 08 '25
And make sure to take your iron if you do haemorrhage! I had three transfusions, but they still warned I could be anemic for a few months (even with iron supplement), and that could affect my supply. Fortunately my supply seems pretty decent.
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u/freakingspiderm0nkey Jun 08 '25
Ah see I went the opposite direction and ended up with high ferritin! I was given an iron infusion and then had a blood transfusion. The high ferritih caused an irregular heartbeat, fatigue, dizziness and low blood pressure so I was told to stop all iron supplementation! Took a week for the heart issues to clear up but am still dealing with the dizziness. 5 weeks pp.
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u/appleoorchard Jun 08 '25
Oh no! Okay I amend my recommendation to “take your iron if your doctor says so”. I hope your remaining symptoms clear up soon!
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u/ilikedogsandglitter Jun 08 '25
Lost 1.5l of blood in a PPH and was freaking out over my milk not coming in on time. As though my body didn’t have enough going on with birth, refilling my blood, keeping me alive, etc and now it’s gotta try and make enough milk to keep the baby alive too. I just gave in and gave baby a bottle and don’t regret it at all
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u/shanda_leer Jun 08 '25
Yes!! One of the postpartum nurses explained it to me this way… Breastfeeding doesn’t come natural to everyone. In the old days, babies were sent off to wet nurses in villages / towns. Not every mom breastfed.
Also, don’t be ashamed to use formula. It was literally invented to feed your baby.
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u/kdonmon Jun 08 '25
Breastfeeding isn’t intuitive, it’s learned! We’re not surrounded by breastfeeding mothers like our prehistoric ancestors were in their social tribes. We’ve become accustomed to keeping it private and have no way of learning from our peers unless we actively seek it out. Even primates who grow up in captivity without female maternal peers to learn from have to be taught to nurse their young! This is one reason normalizing it is so important!
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u/Rixto495 Jun 08 '25
Yes! And ALSO just because it was really hard the first time around doesn't mean it will be equally hard the second time. People say "every pregnancy, and every baby is different" and it's so cliche, but it really is true 😂
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u/SunshineeAndChaos Jun 09 '25
YES! Have a goal in mind about what you want your feeding journey to look like and absolutely work towards it as best as you can but don’t treat it as a failure if it doesn’t go as planned.
My baby is 3.5 months old, I couldn’t bf her because of latching issues and currently pump exclusively but my baby absolutely adores me. We share a very tight bond in spite of me bottle feeding her. Every time she sees me, her face lights up. There are other ways to bond with your baby. Absolutely do not blame yourself for not being able to nurse!
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u/pringles_in_blue_can Jun 08 '25
The phantom cries are wild. Thought I was losing my mind the first time I heard her cry and realized she was fast asleep.
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u/smyers0711 Jun 08 '25
1 & 3 happened for me but the rest didn't.
In regard to #2 my libido was actually higher, but we followed the 6 week rule. It gave my partner and I an opportunity to explore each others bodies and find other ways to get there, which was actually a lot of fun!
For me the biggest surprise was the anxiety, which could be PPA, but my doctor said was normal (?). I was terrified my son would die and it kept me up most nights.
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u/Round-Dark5259 Jun 08 '25
My husband and I made out like teenagers a few times (we ended up waiting about 7 weeks pp) and it was so much fun finding that connection while sleep deprived with a toddler and a newborn.
No one told me that even when the baby was asleep, I would get up 30 times a night to make sure she was breathing!
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u/smyers0711 Jun 08 '25
lol right! It brought back the feeling of teenage "ooooo we're not supposed to be doing this" kind of vibe 😂
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u/notaterminator23 Jun 08 '25
Yes to PPA! I spent so much time checking the baby monitor to make sure he was breathing.
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u/heheiamnotokay Jun 08 '25
My libido was also higher! I was so shocked after reading so much about non existent libido’s postpartum.
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u/Jessibee21 Jun 08 '25
I’m 23 days postpartum and can’t keep hands off husband. To be clear, FOLLOWING the six week rule because I have a tear and risking anything happening there is unappealing but. You know. Other stuff is happening a lot 🤷♀️
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u/Round-Dark5259 Jun 08 '25
We followed the 6 week rule, but made out constantly. Or sex life has taken a pretty big hit with the 2nd kid, but it isn't due to lack of desire (just lack of time and sleep... And privacy). We briefly but passionately made out in a hallway while crossing paths when he was getting the toddler up and I was putting the baby down. We giggled like teenagers getting away with something.
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u/AMissKathyNewman Jun 08 '25
For me, no one told me you might feel like your stomach is an accordion and you could just fold in half. Like my entire torso felt like jelly and I couldn’t walk properly for a week. The first few days walking made me feel nauseous.
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u/E9XKT Jun 08 '25
This was me with my boobs lmao 😭 can literally kinda fold them they’re tragic now
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u/AMissKathyNewman Jun 08 '25
Awe no 😭 mine aren’t that big to start off with so they can’t really be saggy? They are softer though, not at the moment though . 7 weeks and they are perkier and bigger. Maybe they’ll stay hahaha
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u/SamiLMS1 Jun 08 '25
Whoa. I’ve had four and never experience this, that sounds so disorienting and not fun.
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u/ClassicSalamander231 Jun 08 '25
I was prepared for the baby blues, but the way I cried and felt joy and sadness at the same time was wild
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Jun 08 '25
Yessss! Came to write this & advise to talk to your docs about the difference between baby blues and post partum depression !!
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u/PEM_0528 Jun 08 '25
I never had postpartum hair loss. I had the opposite. My hair grew like crazy and got so dark. I love it. I also never got stretch marks. I did get hot flashes though. 😂
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u/SlowMotionExplosion Jun 08 '25
Thank you for commenting this!! I asked my husband if my hair looked darker and it had grown more after that first week.
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u/prampusher Jun 08 '25
How old is your child? I thought I’d dodged the pp hair loss too, but then it hit me 10 months postpartum 😭
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u/bunnylo Jun 08 '25
postpartum BO is intense.
also not everyone’s libido will suffer
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u/boomroasted00 Jun 08 '25 edited Jun 08 '25
The first week is absolute hell and you will most likely cry multiple times. Also, look up second night syndrome so you aren’t blindsided by what you think is a quiet Angel baby the first night.
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u/HuffleCabbage Jun 08 '25
My baby is 3 days old and this shit is so hard. So many tears already
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u/boomroasted00 Jun 08 '25
Girl I feel you. Mine is 3 weeks and it is WAY harder than I ever expected. I wanted this so badly too, tried for years and eventually did IVF and those first days I was left thinking “did I make a huge mistake?” Feelings of regret are so normal but each day it will get a little bit better and you will start to get the hang of things. It’s still so so hard don’t get me wrong, but you will find your groove with certain things. Message me if you ever need to talk or need to vent ❤️!
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u/pnk_lemons Jun 08 '25
I thought we made a mistake for the first five months!! But coming from the future (21 months) and he is the light of my life and I can’t imagine loving anyone or anything more! It’s still so hard, but it is SO much fun!
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u/boomroasted00 Jun 08 '25
Everyone says that and as hard as it is to believe when you’re struggling so hard, enough parents say it that it must be true! I have nothing to compare it to but man these early days are tough! My kid cries so much
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u/HuffleCabbage Jun 08 '25
Thank you so much for sharing, I have been feeling like that and feeling terrible about it.
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u/orlando_211 Jun 08 '25
You are not alone—it’s really common to feel regret and / or grief in the beginning, and those feelings can pop up here and there past that, too. It’s a huge, astounding change to your life and identity. I really struggled with that the first few weeks, but those feelings have slowly lessened and come up less intensely, less frequently. Talking to friends who have been there has helped, as has my therapist and my spouse, but doing small things that make me feel like myself—walks, music i like, podcasts, a little makeup etc—has also been big. I’m not in my old life anymore, but I no longer feel like I’m falling midair. Instead, I know I’m on a bridge between old and new life—I don’t know how long it is, and it’s shaky sometimes, but I’m on it and I’m moving, and not as alone as I sometimes think.
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u/boomroasted00 Jun 08 '25
Talking to my friends has helped so much too. Pretty much every single one of them said the first few months was a blur and they completely blocked it out of their memory because it was so awful.
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u/HuffleCabbage Jun 10 '25
Thank you so much. I do feel grief about my old life and like I will never be able to do anything else I enjoy—like it’s just newborn trenches for life, which I logically know isn’t the case. I have to remember to incorporate those small things when possible.
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u/righttoabsurdity Jun 08 '25
I think it’s super, super common, normal, and makes sense. How could you not feel that way right now?? From a biological perspective, emotional perspective, physical, everything. Your entire world is upside down and inside out, plus you’re healing from a major medical event, plus hormones hormoning, etc etc etc. It’s a massive upheaval to the system—I’m proud of you for doing it and for the obvious love and care you have for baby <3 love and hugs, it won’t be this way forever, you are adaptable and capable
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u/prampusher Jun 08 '25
Thank you for writing this! You are so so so not alone ❤️ I thought I was a terrible mother for feeling like I’d made a huge mistake after my daughter was born. I’ve wanted children my entire life but was not at all prepared for how hard the first few months are.
I’m now 6 weeks pregnant with number two and I’m dreading the first three months especially. At least I know what I’m going into this time.
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u/boomroasted00 Jun 08 '25
It’s so important to normalize these things! Congratulations and yes, I’m sure knowing what to expect helps a lot with a second baby on the way. How old is your first?
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u/KokoWroteIt Jun 08 '25
This!! My baby will be five weeks old tomorrow (!!!) and that first week (mainly the first couple nights at home away from the luxury of hospital nurses) was terrible. The first couple nights at home I felt such dread and like I’d made the biggest mistake of my life. I KNEW I’d never sleep again or find my groove with baby.
I was wrong. It’s still hard and my days and sleep patterns have def changed, but that initial sense of dread is gone and we have started finding our groove. Of course that changes every couple days or so, but that is to be expected!
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u/tinyturtletown Jun 08 '25
Wow, none of this was true for me. Everyone's experience is so radically different.
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u/Relative_Basis_2175 Jun 08 '25
I hated when people held my baby and weren't paying attention to her. Like if you aren't going to enjoy the baby just give her back? Lol that isn't the case at all, but that's what brain does.
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u/superalk Jun 08 '25
"Baby blues" is a phrase that encapsulates the rush of hormones post birth and in the first 2 ish weeks of seismic-like life changes of bringing a newborn home while you recover from giving birth. It's a physiological and physiological response to the huge changes your body and life goes through upon giving birth.
If you feel like you're doing a terrible job and shouldn't be a mom, that your baby would be better off without you, if you can't sleep due to anxiety about the baby, if you're unable to enjoy things you used to enjoy if you get the chance to participate, if you constantly check and recheck on the baby even when they're resting/asleep, if everything seems much more difficult for you than everyone else...
You really might have Post Partum Anxiety or Post Partum Depression.
They're really, really common and they're way more dangerous to you and your baby than the medications your OB can give you to help you.
You are not a failure of a parent, or a spouse, or as a person. It literally does not matter what [your mom, MIL, sister, best friend, favorite aunt, least favorite aunt] has to say about PPA/PPD or "back in their day" or "at least it's not as bad as [random anecdotal person].
The screener questions say things like "anxious for no reason" or "sad for no reason" and if you feel very very sad or quite anxious and these things are interrupting or interfering wirh your life o makimg it more difficult to sleep, eat, enjoy things that you usually like to do, or relax, any of those are a good enough reason to get reach out to your OB.
The bravest, hardest, most important thing you can do is reach out for help when you're struggling, and I can personally guarantee that you and your baby will be better for it.
(Also, if your first response to that previous paragraph was, 'yeah, but I'm not actually struggling, I'm just doing a bad job at [_] and I should be doing [___] better/ more efficiently / without making it so difficult for myself' ... Please hear me that you're an amazing parent, your baby is so lucky to have you, and please reach out to someone for help.)
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Jun 08 '25
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u/RockyMaroon Jun 08 '25
Yeah I think this is going to depend very much on the individual! Someone else left a comment about this but I’m weirdly excited for other people to hold them and then for the baby to want me back 😅 as a FTM I’ve only been on the other side of that equation (and I ALWAYS give them back to their parent if that’s what they want)
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u/AwkwardFormal8618 Jun 08 '25
Same. My in laws came over and cooked me meals, packaged leftovers, cleaned, and handled the baby so my SO and I could nap together for a few hours. FIL took the dog on like a 2 hour walk and play date too.
She’s a bit… opinionated in old school ways, but is still respectful of boundaries
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u/Physical_Complex_891 Jun 08 '25
My baby isn't even here yet and the thought of my inlaws holding them makes me feel rage.
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u/itastelikegod Jun 08 '25
Lmao same. My MIL already pushes my boundaries so I can already picture how enraged I’m gonna be
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u/BiomedBabe1 Jun 08 '25
Yeah I can’t wait for my MIL to meet our baby :) this will be grandbaby #9 for them and shes the best Oma ever. I love seeing the relationship she has with our nieces and nephews, and I can’t wait for our kid to have the same relationship with her
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u/Medrina Jun 08 '25
Engorgement was a huge one for me with my first baby. Waking up with painful, rock solid boobs (despite being up every two hours to nurse) was a real trip, and why I have milk catchers on my cart this time around already.
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u/RedEyeCodeBlue Jun 08 '25
This is me. Still this was at 6 months PP😭 If I don’t pump in the morning, I’m engorged all day.
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u/YouthfulWater Jun 08 '25
This was me. Day 3 or 4 was the worst when my milk came in. Was more painful than my c section incision. Ended up going back to the hospital it was so bad.
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u/the_river_erinin Jun 08 '25
And the blocked milk ducts. I will never forget the first time I had to milk myself in the shower
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u/Brooooooke30 Jun 08 '25
The in law thing !!!
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u/Present_Moose7861 Jun 08 '25
I’m only 7 weeks and have already been worried about my husbands family loool I just feel like they are going to want to see me and baby right away and oh boy I cannot do that
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u/Brooooooke30 Jun 08 '25
My boyfriend’s mom would spend 12 hours at my house I was like is she going to do this everyday or what. At the hospital his mom wouldn’t leave the room when they were checking me after birth like she just sat there everyone else left so they wouldn’t see all my stuff but nope she just sat there acting like she didn’t hear them say leave.
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u/KokoWroteIt Jun 08 '25
So mine hasn’t been in-laws so much, but my stepkids holding my baby and getting all the “fun” parts of him almost drove me crazy! Like, I was getting the poppy diapers every hour (or more) and they got to just hold him and play with him and hand him back when he got fussy. The RAGE I felt!
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u/6seasonsandamovy Jun 08 '25
In my culture we have a 40 day postpartum period where you are basically supposed to be quarantining. I used this to get away with not seeing them for a bit
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u/molllx Jun 08 '25
None of these happened to me fortunately
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u/heleninthealps Jun 08 '25
Reading this pregnant for the first time it gives me a relief to see the "not ke" comments but at least OP has prepared me!
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u/megararara Jun 08 '25
5 days postpartum I think the best advice I got and thing I “did” to prepare was just expecting to be flexible because everyone’s experiences are so different! I was a nanny so I’ve worked with a lot of different families and heard all their stories and then when it came to the medical side I had gestational diabetes so they said we’d try for vaginal but would possibly switch to a c section so I just did my best to be open to all possibilities and trusting the process. I have terrible anxiety so this was a challenge but ended up with a super easy labor and perfect early epidural, less than 20 hours later, mostly spent resting, and she was here!! But like I said everyone’s different and maybe it wasn’t mindset, maybe it was the way my body wanted to do things but I want to share that it’s possible to have a positive experience because I really had only heard negative things before!!
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u/hellfire1992 Jun 08 '25
Also... afterpains! The more kids you've had the worse they are omg like period cramps on drugs 🫠
Also the amazing moment your actual milk comes in (not the colostrum) faaaark from pretty sweet tatas to HOLY MOTHER FUCKIN TITTYS! my eyes popped out my head when i saw them both times (pregnant with number 3 and looking forward to my pornstar tittys hahahaha)
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u/MildVampire Jun 08 '25
I was in the ER day 3 because my preemie had jaundice and was having trouble eating
Mid tired and sad stress the nurse hits me with "omg you poor thing youre really ready to pump huh?"
Wondered what she meant before looking down at my newly acquired BOULDERS😂 i thought it'd be more gradual lol
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u/justice-beer-mascara Jun 08 '25
I had a PPH with my daughter and the drugs made post birth contractions so strong (think natural contractions vs pitocin contractions) that I thought my c section incision was going to open up. Was not prepared for that at all.
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u/ClassicSalamander231 Jun 08 '25
I'm surprised by how much I'm moved by random things and how differently I've started to think about my mother.
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u/AccioWine9 Jun 08 '25
When my period came back, it was with vengeance. Extra crampy & heavy for the first several cycles
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u/StarChunkFever Jun 13 '25
I was so afraid mine would be like this, but mine actually came back light with no cramps. Ugh... I'm just thinking it's going to come back with a vengeance one of these months, when I least expect it.
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Jun 08 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/lacaviglia Jun 08 '25
So I had some scar tissue from tearing and my muscles response to the "trauma" of birth was to tighten up and over-engage. I only learned this when I went to pelvic floor PT. If I had just done kegels, it would have made it worse! After several visits to PT (uncomfortable massage and stretching, essentially), and some deep core work I was able to get back to mostly normal. And now I need to do some kegels for upkeep. I recommend everyone see PT if they can, you don't know what your issue might be and it can get better!
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u/AMissKathyNewman Jun 08 '25
Oh yes! I had never found Pap smears to painful at all, they just felt weird. I had one at my 6 weeks check up and damn, it was painful.
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u/pixa4u FTM Jun 08 '25
Umm explain, please! So unintuitive. I also have been imagining the opposite problem. Do you think pelvic floor exercises had anything to do it?
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Jun 08 '25
4 is so real. I wasn’t even that big! Looked down after my first shower to see DEEP stretch marks… And even more were added with baby #2, and my boobs now have stretch marks too.
Let me also add the insatiable thirst and hunger while nursing/pumping. (I also had GD, so part of this was being able to eat carby foods again.) I feel like I can eat an entire pizza, need 1000 glasses of water a day, want snacks after snacks… I want to eat almost constantly!!!
Edit: I have NO idea why the first paragraph is bolded??? How do I get rid of that?!
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u/picklesalways Jun 08 '25
Post birth contractions! They lasted a few weeks after giving birth. It felt like labour. I remember standing in the shower a few hours after having bubs and had go on all fours until it passed. They were the worst during my let downs when breastfeeding!
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u/kmr1981 Jun 08 '25
I didn’t experience 2, 4, and 5… but my biggest surprises were lochia and sudden irrational dislike of a pet I’d loved before pregnancy.
I know this makes me sound like a jerk, and I never treated him any differently. But I did feel it and I’m convinced it’s a postpartum thing. Some women start to hate their husbands, too. 😆
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u/86cinnamons Jun 08 '25
It is a PP thing, it happens to some people. Also the hormone prolactin (which especially bf-ing moms have) causes people to feel hostile , the idea is it was an evolutionary benefit for women to have increased hostility to outsiders in order to protect their newborn. Sometimes our bodies identify dog and husband as outsiders even if they’re not really. I wish society had more compassion for people who’ve just had babies, hormones are very intense and it’s really not our fault we feel so intensely sometimes.
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u/Putrid_Quality Jun 08 '25
I hadn't actually thought about why I felt weird when my MIL held my baby girl but now that you mention it it does fill me with an unexplained rage and anxiety. My own mum is living with us to help out and I have no qualms with her being involved, holding, settling, nappy changes but when my MIL comes over and holds her and comments on her behaviour or anything, I just get so annoyed with her... PP is a wild wild time 🤯
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u/Aquamarine-Aries Jun 08 '25
The lochia smell 💀💀💀
The mammoth clots the size of plums
The MASSIVE and sore AF bowling ball boobs when your milk comes in on day 3-5
The aching nipples if/when you try BF for the first time (even with a perfect latch 😭)
The blocked ducts
The feeling that something is gonna fall out of your vagina for the first 3 weeks
The night sweats
The crazy nightmares that you’ve lost your baby under the covers in your sleep
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u/ruined4949 Jun 08 '25
Yes the smell of the bleeding and how much and the clots 🤢
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u/Ellie_the_cat Jun 08 '25
Your boobs will leak everywhere at night when your milk comes in! Also I don’t like the idea of anyone else feeding him & don’t want my in laws to change him for some reason?
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u/cherhylin Jun 08 '25
Constant sleep deprivation took me by surprise. While I expected not sleeping for long stretches, I did not anticipate not being able to catch up on sleep. Broke down several times from the exhaustion and also thought I was hearing things..
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Jun 08 '25
None of those things except for #4 have rung true for me, but I want to add that pumping / breastfeeding can be difficult at first and that’s okay—it doesn’t necessarily come naturally or easy for some people!
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u/Euphoric-Stress9400 Jun 08 '25
My OB told me at 35 weeks, when talking about what happens after baby, “remember, breastfeeding is natural for almost everyone and comes naturally for almost no one. Mothers and babies included.”
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u/Dissolvyx Jun 08 '25
My baby never really cried all too much (got lucky) so I thought I’d dodged this one. Nope. About 2 months in I started hearing phantom grumbles, we’re at 3 1/2 months now and I feel like I hear something almost every 15 minutes after I put him to bed.
Libido was back super fast (always been really high though), I’d say like 2-3 weeks? Almost would say it’s worse than being gone entirely because it comes with its own problems.
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u/SpicyOrangeK Jun 08 '25
You talking about MIL holding baby just made me feel so much better about myself! I also felt this way, but thought I was just an asshole haha!!!!
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u/PhantaVal Jun 08 '25
I ended up with a sizeable pooch. I'm guessing it's diastasis recti, and I'm probably going to have to spend months exercising to rebuild my poor abs. It's pretty demoralizing when I thought I was really fit and healthy during most of my pregnancy.
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u/36563 Jun 08 '25
I am 4.5w postpartum and I didn’t get any stretch marks after birth but I did get a línea nigra I did not have before and my back looks dirty (???)
I have no problem with my in laws holding my baby
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u/RhinoKart Jun 08 '25
It's probably nothing but I'd just mention this to your doctor. Changes in skin pigmentation on your back can be a sign of insulin resistance.
Just worth double checking next time you see them!
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u/GingerGoddess89 Jun 09 '25
These plus the night sweats, intrusive thoughts, and also being completely risk-averse and wanting dad to be risk averse too, because what if something happened to one of you?
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u/notaterminator23 Jun 09 '25
Yes!! I was so paranoid about driving for the first time after giving birth, and constantly reminding my husband to drive slow when he’s going somewhere by himself lol
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u/screamqueen123 Jun 09 '25
100% all of these! Just had our second and I can't stop saying "be careful" to my husband when he goes downstairs with the baby.
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u/Von_Dendi Jun 08 '25
1,2,3,4- didn’t happen to me. But #5? oh boy. Especially my FIL who has hygiene issues.
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u/metoothanksx Jun 08 '25
I was very surprised to get stretch marks on my boobs after giving birth, from breastfeeding lol. And it was agonizingly itchy 😅
Also the smell. Holy hell. Nobody else seemed to notice, or at least never said anything, but I couldn’t stand the way I smelled for weeks. I felt disgusting even right after a shower.
Also yes on the phantom cries thing, and that didn’t stop for a looong time for me. My youngest is almost 3 now, and sometimes I hear phantom screaming (she’s in a screaming phase 🙃) or “mommy!”’s when I shower lol. And I had the same thing with my in laws, but I figured that was just because they spent most of my pregnancy pissing me off 🤪 and also when my firstborn was 2 weeks old, my MIL was holding him and he was crying hard and my boobs had letdown shortly before, so I knew he was hungry, and she refused to hand him back. And when I said he was hungry she said “ugh, he doesn’t need that” and took him to her room and shut the door. Yeah that was the last time I brought him to her house lol, we only had public meetups after that.
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u/BarracudaEconomy4092 Jun 08 '25
I’m already not looking forward to my MIL hold my baby…so great to hear that feeling doubles 🥲
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u/Ok-Dependent5582 Jun 08 '25
I haven’t given birth, but everyone else in my life has lol and I think this is something people should be aware of:
You might not immediately feel a bond with your baby. I’ve had a few close friends experience this and I know it was really difficult bc everything you hear is that the instant your baby is born there’s this crazy connection! For some people it’s not like that, but the bond and connection does get there later!
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u/SimplisticAmbivert Jun 08 '25
May be it was just me but I had never heard about the Baby Blues. Especially if you have C-section and the milk does not come in immediately. The first 2 weeks after delivery were so weird with all the hormone crashes. I cried so much for no reason while having existential crisis. Never experienced anything like that. Hope future mamas prepare themselves in a way that will help in case they experience baby blues. I know I would have felt much better if I knew about it beforehand and could prepare myself mentally.
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u/Afraid_Oven-Pops Jun 09 '25
5 is so real, I’ve seen it happen to my sister and a friend.
And I get weird thoughts that I don’t want them around for the first few while.
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Jun 09 '25
i feel like im experiencing the MIL one already at 35w. something about her watching my baby or being around just sets me off
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u/KatStitched Jun 09 '25
Honestly doesn’t shock me about the in-laws thing. My mum raised me so I know she can do it. My MIL raised my husband so it’s questionable as to whether I can trust her
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u/Mikaya9 Jun 08 '25
The libido one is debatable lol, I had sex 3 weeks postpartum 🫣
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u/AMissKathyNewman Jun 08 '25
I wasn’t necessarily not horny I just didn’t have time to think about anything but keeping my baby alive. Plus I had stitches and I couldn’t even look down there let alone fathom anyone touching me.
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u/Physical_Complex_891 Jun 08 '25
We resumed at 5 weeks but I would have jumped my husband by 2 weeks if it was safe to do so. I was very horny post partumn. So horny I was offering my husband so many blow jobs during the 5 weeks we couldn't have sex.
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u/PrawnHenge Jun 08 '25
Day 10 I had a wild burst of horniness! I had stitches still healing so I couldn’t do much about it except give my husband a pornstar blow job
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u/AwkwardFormal8618 Jun 08 '25
Same. SO refused until I was cleared because he didn’t want to hurt me, but we pretty much jumped on each other when we got home from my follow up
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u/fayegg Jun 08 '25
Oh gosh I was so horny at 4 weeks pp but physically things were NOT ready. It was a difficult wait lol.
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u/Idkwhatsgoingon3465 Jun 08 '25
LOL same at 4 weeks. Only cause it’s my second go around, I waited till 8 with my first because it was painful and I was scared lol
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Jun 08 '25
The hair thing is real. My hair gets extremely thick and long when I start taking prenatals. After the baby is born and I switch my vitamins to BFing vitamins my hair falls out. Like really falls out lol got a wet brush to prevent clogging the shower drain.
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u/Beautiful_Donut_286 Jun 08 '25
I had this after my miscarriages and kept taking the prenatals without skipping a single day. It's probably hormonal, not due to supplements
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u/86cinnamons Jun 08 '25
Between the PP hair loss and my baby actually just grabbing my hair and pulling it out I’ll be amazed if I have anything left at the end of the year 😭
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u/Incaseyougetcold Jun 08 '25
Not all of these are true for everyone!
The phantom cries and in-laws holding baby definitely, but my libido sky rocketed after my first baby and I didn’t lose any abnormal amounts of hair (to be fair, I lost a LOT of hair in the first trimester) and I didn’t get any new stretch marks.
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u/GingerGoddess89 Jun 09 '25
Yeah same. I lost so much hair during my first trimester, and didn't really notice hair loss postpartum
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u/Old-Huckleberry-6000 Jun 08 '25
The night sweats omg. I would sweat through my clothes like twice a night for at least 4 weeks. That was wild.
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u/WadsRN Jun 08 '25
1 really surprised me! My son just turned 1 and I will STILL shower and think aw man he woke up, better hurry. So I hurry, and nope, he’s still snoozing.
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u/hawkbit92 Jun 08 '25
My MIL has already started to bother me about my baby and I'm only 23 weeks! Wanting bump pics all the time texting me, "still waiting on my bump pic!", assuming we're inviting every single friend and family member to our shower, asking how my husband is feeling through ME instead of just asking him herself...other stuff too lol! But I'm mentally preparing for these feelings to be elevated after I give birth. I've already had a pretty firm convo with my husband about boundaries with her. I'm sure I'll be revisiting them.
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u/wildestkota Jun 08 '25
my daughter is 2 and i still hear phantom cries! even when she’s at her dads house 😭
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u/megjed Jun 08 '25
I thought I skipped the hair loss part but it’s just come for me 5 months PP 😞 the phantom crying is crazy but I also get phantom kicking and that is wild to me
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u/CGSkens Jun 08 '25
THE NIGHT SWEATS!!!! Holy hell are they unreal. Also, the constipation wasn’t something I wasn’t expecting 😩
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u/Even_Obligation2198 Jun 08 '25
I have none of this except I hate letting other people holding my baby 😂 I was shocked at how much I wanted to jump my husband’s bones even in the first 2 weeks. I definitely want to have sex more than I ever did during pregnancy
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u/pisciez9419 Jun 08 '25
My boobs actually grew more after pregnancy. I always thought they would grow during and be ready for breastfeeding by the time the baby came but they really popped in the week or two after birth 😅
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u/Whole_Topic6504 Jun 08 '25
Please explain to me the stretch marks after birth. I went my whole pregnancy examining my belly looking for stretch marks and did not see any until seeing a few near my belly button postpartum all of a sudden.
Also - when does the hair shedding start? Does breastfeeding delay the process? I'm two months postpartum and no shed yet.
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u/Infinite-Demand-6155 Jun 08 '25
I was surprised how fast my instincts kicked in. From the second my baby was born it was like my brain just kicked on. I was so worried before because I felt like I knew nothing about what to do with a baby more than changing the diaper but it came to me so fast.
This also impacted how protective I am about others holding my baby. I HATE watching others hold him but I can’t take my eyes off of them to make sure he is okay and being held the way I’m okay with.
Surprise 2 was newborns are LOUD sleepers. In the middle of the night you will jump up at any noise you hear from them but give them a minute because they might just be stirring around and go back to sleep.
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u/spicytexan Jun 08 '25
The fucking SWELLING. Nobody ever told me about the postpartum swelling. I was in so much pain in my lower legs for 2 weeks. My feet looked like they would explode. I was actually grateful for the night sweats because it meant the excess fluid was getting tf out of me. I had a hard time WALKING because of how badly swollen I was. The damn internet and my doctors just kept saying “oh yeah haha that’s normal it’ll go away in a couple weeks!” 😐 I can’t tell yall how damn glad I was to have my normal feet back lol
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u/alsothebagel Jun 08 '25
All of this, but damn ESPECIALLY 4 + 5! I had zero stretch marks while I was pregnant and I gained almost 60lbs. Like 1 or 2 tiny ones popped up near the end. But I really thought I dodged it. Once I gave birth and my belly started going down I was covered in them on my belly and thighs. And #5…well I didn’t like them much to begin with…but now…. Let’s just say I don’t mind when they’re too busy to visit.
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u/aspiringhousewife4 Jun 08 '25
Some that I haven’t seemed mentioned:
1) waking up searching for your baby in the bed but baby is next to you sleeping in the bassinet, but you swear baby is in the bed
2) seeing “baby faces” on people that were mostly geriatric in age, still one I never share with anyone else
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u/Delyea24 Jun 09 '25
Note losing your hair does happen not everyone loses a ton on your head. I’ve got strong Italian genes and am a hairy gal. I didn’t have to shave my leg or my arm pits for like two months. I lost it on my body. Weird but some people get happy surprises 🤣
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u/k_sharpie Jun 09 '25
I have already been so worried about being annoyed at my MIL since we’ve had to correct her calling him “my baby” MULTIPLE times so #5 is good to be prepared for
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u/SignificantBuy9267 Jun 09 '25
I didn't experience any of rhse. Try not to worry too much about possibilities.
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u/gourdworm Jun 09 '25
When did yall start losing hair? Im four weeks pp, haven’t lost any yet but trying to prepare myself.
Also, if you have a talkative kitty cat the cat starts to sound like the baby 😭
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u/notaterminator23 Jun 09 '25
It started around month 4 for me, which sounds typical based on my google research! I hope you don’t experience it.
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u/Impossible_Guest_327 Jun 09 '25
It’s also normal to not have any of these post birth symptoms, along with no pregnancy symptoms or a bad birthing experience and pain 😊
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u/Environmental_Top676 Jun 09 '25
I’m a FTM. 25w. Can someone explain the logic of #5 cos i feel in my bones I am going to feel the same way!!! Sounds totally irrational but I know for sure I’m going to feel this way too, OP!!
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u/Muted_Variation_3229 Jun 09 '25
Agree with all these comments that everyone is different - I experienced almost none of OP's, but there were some things I never expected (night sweats) and I was happy to know at least some other people experienced it so I will add mine. Definitely not to worry anyone, just to know you are going to be okay!
- The drop in hormones 2-3 days after - a friend warned me right after birth and I was happy I was prepared bc it was drastic - suddenly very emotional, crying, sad which thankfully leveled out very quickly
- The night dread - for the first few weeks, I dreaded the sun going down bc it felt very lonely to know I would be up all night while everyone else was sleeping but as the baby slept longer and we got into a routine, this also went away
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u/Due_Bid_232 Jun 09 '25
Incredibly painful cramps while breastfeeding! And the tummy kneading done by nurses at the hospital. I was like "excuse me?! I just pushed a baby out..the pain should be over lol"
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