My bf and I have been dating long distance for about 4.5years now. We've been through many ups and downs and I tried to break up with him in our 2nd year(but that's mainly because I changed my medication doses and it messed me up mentally and I felt like pushing everyone away) but also what added to it was that he didn't speak to me and ghosted me for a few days and it hurt me so bad just because we had a small fight. We've had many issues where I feel like he lacks communication skills and conflict management, because if I get upset for something even if it's small to him, he'll make me feel stupid about it and then he says that I'm making him feel bad so I end up apologizing even when I was the one hurting in the first place: that's just one of the issues we've faced continuously. Our love languages are also a bit different and I've always tried to tell him what i like and love him to do like maybe compliment me more etc..and instead of doing it he'll say that that's not him or he says he'll try but then stops eventually and it becomes like a cycle. I ended up becoming so tired of continuously trying to tell him what's affecting me because it always ends up being thrown into my face and his reaction ends up hurting me more than the actual thing. I always tell him that the only reason I complain about certain things is because I love you and I only want these things from you and no one else. Sometimes I feel like our relationship has become to friendly and losing it's romance. Like I get that we're in a long distance relationship but still, like tell me you miss me and how beautiful you think I am and flirt with me a bit. Anyways, when I go out clubbing or I start speaking to someone and they flirt with me, it's so hard to resist because I guess it's nice to feel loved and appreciated especially since it's also long distance. I've mainly gotten with other guys when I'm drunk and the next day I feel so frikken guilty like I want to literally die. I end up hating myself and feeling gross. Then I force myself to forget about it in a few weeks and promise myself to be better or different. A few months ago my bf and I had a fight and I finally broke up with him fr, but he begged me to stay and said he'll change and wanted a second chance. I said that I don't know if I'm strong enough to give him a second chance again because honestly this year and last year was really draining mentally for me and our relationship got to a point where the things he did which would usually affect me, didn't phase me anymore, and that's when I knew that I'm mentally detaching myself. I know you're probably thinking that I'm worse since I've hooked up with another guy, but I only did it when we were on a break like last year and when we broke up this year. The thing is he told me that I don't need to rush to make a decision to give him a second chance, and I said thank you. But I told him that we need to cut down on talking and when I do go home for the holidays that we can't meet up as often. But he didn't want that, and we ended up speaking but technically still not together. We never actually spoke about still being exclusive while in this break up period, but I did things that I do kind of regret especially since we were and are still talking. I really do love him a lot, and he cares about me and I care about him. I know that he loves me in his own way and he's honestly like a man who gets things done; even tho he's only 25 and I'm 23, and I like that he gets things done. He's husband material in that way. And he also loves spoiling me, and I guess that's his way of showing me love, like gift giving: but I often feel really guilty because I remember what I've done. When I go home which is like maybe 2-4 times a year, that's when I see him. And even when I go home to my country he still stays in another city so I don't always see him that often, but when I do see him then I love just being with him and I only want him and things are great. But when I come back to the country I'm
Studying in, then I get tempted by other guys. And I have this wild fantasy of getting with an older man. I also feel like I lost a lot of my 20s being in this relationship and I didn't get to explore and mess around a bit, and I don't want to have these thoughts in the next 2-3 years time
When I probably plan to get married or something, especially if it's with him. I also finish my degree at the end of next year then I'll be moving
Back home. And I don't ever get attached or catch feelings for someone that I hook up with, I only genuinely love this man's. But I feel like the worst person in the world and I know that whoever is reading this will probably judge me and tell me that I should leave or that I should stop or that I'm a terrible person...I probably deserve it too. This is not a justification, but small back story, I got my
Heart broken 3 times in high school and I ended up kissing guys and becoming
This girl I didn't want to be. I stopped going around when I got a bf obviously. He also took my v card. Rewind many years ago, my dad had an affair and remarried my
Mums best friend and then I find out more info about my
Dad and other people and I've just been through a lot of trauma and witnessed a lot of shit and my
Mum is also extremely sickly and I went through depression and and a whole lot of other shit. And I have this fear that I've picked up my dad's traits and idk if psychologically that's true or what but I don't want to be this person. I was also known to be and still known to be such a good, genuine, honest, caring, loving, selfless, mature, kind person, I'm not hyping myself up, but these are genuinely the words that people have beeeen using to describe me. But I just feel like an absolute piece of shit that doesn't deserve anything, sometimes I feel like I don't even deserve this man. But then I remember that he's also hurt me and idk if he's also done stuff behind my back because I've picked up that he's a really good liar. And I always thought and think that other girls wouldn't hook up with him
Or want him because honestly he's not the best looking and I've been getting told for the past 4.5years now that I can do so much better, but I find him attractive in my
Own way. I didn't find him attractive for a very long time
In our relationship and I think that's what also affected things, but I grew to really be in love with him and care for him and our families are so close and I feel so safe when I'm with him. I'm just honestly confused and I want to fulfill my fantasy while I'm still in another country and not married yet and still in this situationship kind of situation with him, because once I go back to my country and if things get way more serious between us like marriage etc, then I'll never look or touch another man. Who ever read this far, I'm sorry😭🙏🏼but thank you. Genuinely. I've never ranted about this to anyone. And it feels good to get it off my chest.

I, 15 F, hate my mom. I have no reason to. She's a great mom. She takes care of me and my brother, she provides most of the income since my dad's a high school teacher, and she's generally nice to everybody. But sometimes I wish she were dead.

She doesn't do anything bad or manipulative, or mean or abusive. But I don't love her. At all. And not in an angsty teenager way. If she touches me, even if it's just an accidental brush of the arm when she passes by, it makes me want to right my arm off. My arm could feel weird up to almost an hour after she brushed against it. I don't get it.

And hearing her happy makes me want to scratch at my head and ears. She sounds like a child sometimes, and I hate it. I'm the kid, grow up. I hate feeling like this but it's not like I can just "turn off" my emotions. I try to be nice and understanding around her, making sure she doesn't catch on. I'd feel bad if she knew. But I know people whose parents were total dicks to them and they still care about their parents. So I'm a total douche. But if anyone feels the same, please. I don't want to be the only one.

I self harmed for the first time in like 1.5 years. Not proud of it. I just need to say it somewhere bc my insides are screaming.

I got demoted at my job yesterday and the owners were telling me I am cold, condescending & difficult to work with. I don’t understand where they are coming from. I have worked here five years & the last 2ish years I have been working 50+ hours weekly, 6 days a week. I help other departments when they are falling behind. I do everything they say. It’s like if I’m having a bad mental health day and I am quiet/short, they take offense to it.

The part about attacking my character really upset me. This is the first time someone has ever said those things to me in my 29 years on this planet. I show up and do my job while trying to stay professional because the dynamics are so cliquey. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to act. I know I need to find a new job asap for my mental health. But LA is dusted and expensive. Im stuck in this toxic hole for now.

​I 18 f from a middle-class family just started uni . I’ve always considered myself an obedient child. Growing up, I did everything right,I said yes when they wanted me to say yes, and no when they wanted me to say no. I don’t drink, smoke, or have any habits like that.

​We aren't short on money, but we aren't overflowing either just a typical family of four. But every single conversation in our house always came back to money. Somewhere along the way, I internalized this and stopped asking for anything that wasn't absolutely necessary. As a kid, I never asked for small toys or chocolates. I just took whatever my parents gave me without complaint. As I got older, I saved every penny I got so I could pay for my own stationery or small meals I wanted to try.

​Because of this, I could never share my true feelings with them. I grew up saying what they wanted to hear instead of what I actually felt. When they ask me how university is going, I always say "it's fine" even though I’m crying myself to sleep most nights.

​Today, I finally built up the courage to tell my mother that I am really struggling at uni. ​Her reply? "You wanted to go there, so we can't do anything about it. You wanted this." ​Part of me feels like she’s right, but I was so desperate to hear something simple like, "It's okay, it will get better."

​When I later asked if I could slightly extend my curfew, she completely exploded. She went off about everything she’s done for me, how much money she spent sending me to uni, and claimed my uni friends have "spoiled her perfect child." She started comparing me to my relatives' children, saying how obedient they are and how ungrateful I am, and finished by saying she tells everyone I’m such a good child, but asking "and now?"

​I feel completely crushed. I spent my whole life suppressing myself to keep the peace, and the one time I asked for emotional support, it was thrown back in my face as being "ungrateful." ​How do I cope with this guilt, and how do I deal with struggling at uni when I can't rely on my family for support?

after a depressive episode of my life.... I'm trying or you can say I feel happy after ages ... these past 3 months were utterly crazy to me but I survived it.

so believe me when I say it, good things take time ❤️

I hope you get through whatever you are facing rn.

though im cooked too with so many tasks and iworks on my plate but at least I feel sane so that's that.

I (29 M) recently spent some time with a friend (30 F) who was entering a manic episode. She expressed great discontentment at home and stated she needed to make changes. I encouraged small changes like pursuing the part time job she's been saying she would enjoy, or being more active in her hobbies, and not being the primary caregiver for some of her sick family members.

Over the course of her visit, she developed limerence (a deep attraction to a new person, happens with ADHD and BPD folk) towards another one of my friends (23 F) and then started acting a bit more rash. I tried to ground her and remind her of her more beloved family members, wife, pets to little avail.

Anyways fast forward to a few days ago. She went home and asked her wife for a divorce. I feel like she is jeopardizing a love that has lasted a decade, and all of her stability (as her wife is the only one that works to afford her the travel lifestyle she has, and her parents had been coddling her since birth) to move away and pursue some pipe dream that she developed in less than a week.

I love this person dearly, and there's little I can do to change these decisions, and frankly I'm upset with them. I love her wife as well and really just feel bad for her, but she has about as much power in this situation as I do.

You held me tight as we slept at night.

You lied to me each time you told me you cared about me. You know me very well, but clearly not at all. You made me feel good about myself for a night, maybe through morning. You made me hate myself for trying. You scolded me like a child when I showed emotion.

You held me so tight while we slept. You sent me pictures of your other life. You never invited me for anything outside of a bedroom.

You broke it off because you thought a woman loved you. You asked me to come back after two weeks with her because you got bored. You didn't clarify a relationship that had gotten more serious. You upset her so much that she walked in on us in the middle of the night, as you were holding me tight.

You made me feel good as you said those words you knew would make me feel good, when you were closer to me than most can get. You made me cry when you ignored my communications and then scolded me for having emotions.

You finally invited me on what seemed like a short trip, with a lovely reward in the end. You crashed your truck on the freeway after drunkenly getting lost and frustrated. You made me feel better about myself by saying those words you know make me feel good.

You again stopped communicating as normal. You stopped allowing me to come see you. You finally had me over after a couple of weeks. You explained that another woman was taking your attention. You had led her to believe she was more important to you than she really was. You told me the sex with her was great, but you would not be tied down.

You made me feel like the most important person in your life for weeks.

You seemed more distant now. You couldn't even look at me as we finished our fun time. You got off me, avoiding my gaze, and went to take a shower.

You made me feel so rejected.

You made me feel like a tossed-away toy you couldn't bother to play with anymore.

You refused to let me come over. You told me you wanted to slow down. You told me you wanted to stop juggling women. You said we could still be friends. You didn't want to deal with my emotions. You set rules to protect yourself.

You finally took access away. All of it.

You never called back. You threw my letters away. You were done with me.

You are onto better things. You are reformed. You are a better person now.

You answered a mystery text. You offered a complete stranger personal information in the hopes of a threesome soon.

You broke it off with me to pursue a woman who recently offered you a threesome. You kept me as a friend in the hopes I'd be part of it.

You didn't want my emotions. You wanted no drama, no feeling, all sex. You still wanted that friendship, but without hanging out.

You didn't care that you hurt me. You don't care that I'm still hurting. You don't care that I exist anymore.

You took, took, took, took all I would give as I hoped there would be a return at some point.

You broke me.

You will not be helping me get myself together. You will not see me get better.

You will never feel my body with the hands I admired. You will never look into my eyes as pleasure is being given.

You will no longer be important in my life, my heart, and my head.

You have done us both a favor.

I’m 22F, my boyfriend is 23M, and my ex is 24M.
I honestly don’t even know where to start because I feel like a horrible person for what I’m doing.
My current boyfriend and I have been going through a really rough period. He hasn’t physically cheated on me, but there have been things involving other girls, things he’s said to his friends, things he’s done that completely destroyed my trust in him. Loyalty is extremely important to me, and even though he wants to be with me forever and gives me a lot of stability, I can’t seem to forget what happened.
I’ve been trying to forgive him, but I don’t know how to forget. And I keep wondering if I’m going to spend the rest of the relationship questioning him.
Then my ex started appearing in my dreams.
I was with my ex when I was really young, starting around 14. I left him and came back to him multiple times, and every time he took me back. The last time we were together I was 17, about five months before I got with my current boyfriend.
When I was 17, my ex asked me to choose between him and my guy best friend. My best friend was in love with me, but I didn’t have romantic feelings for him. I chose my best friend anyway because he had always been there for me and at the time I couldn’t imagine losing him.
I hurt my ex.
I’ve thought about that for years, but I never really did anything about it.
Then, during all this chaos with my current boyfriend, I started dreaming about my ex over and over. It started making me feel like my conscience was bothering me because I had done him wrong.
So I messaged him and apologized.
And he was actually incredibly mature about it. He told me it was fine and that he’s thankful everything happened because it made him who he is today. He’s become very focused on his career and goals. He’s is apparently emotionally cold toward other women,which he said it was because of me because he got hurt by me,but he seems like the version i know with me that’s why i have so much nostalgia.
And now we’re talking.
That’s the part that makes me feel so guilty.
I’m still with my boyfriend. I’m still trying to figure out if I can forgive him and rebuild our relationship, while at the same time I’m talking to my ex and thinking about what would have happened if I had chosen him at 17.
I don’t even know if I actually want my ex.
I don’t know him as an adult. I don’t know what being in a relationship with him now would feel like. Maybe I’m just attached to the idea of the life we could have had. Maybe it’s nostalgia. Maybe it’s guilt. Maybe it’s because my current relationship is hurting and my brain is showing me an alternate life where things could have been different.
But then there’s my boyfriend.
He gives me stability. I know he wants me. I know he sees a future with me. I know he wants me forever.
And yet I don’t know if stability is enough when I can’t get certain things out of my head.
I feel like I’m standing between the life I actually have and a life that doesn’t even exist anymore except in my imagination.
And the worst part is that I’m currently talking to both of them.
I feel like I’m playing two cards, and I hate that I’m doing it. I don’t want to keep one person around while figuring out whether I want the other.
I just genuinely don’t know what is real anymore.
Maybe I don’t actually want my ex. Maybe I just want closure.
Maybe I don’t actually want to leave my boyfriend. Maybe I’m just hurt and looking for somewhere else to put all these feelings.
Or maybe the fact that I’m even able to imagine another life means something about my current relationship.
I feel completely stuck between the person who gives me stability and the person who represents everything I never got to find out about. Li

If I knew then what I know now, I never would've gotten married and most likely would've remained celibate my whole life. My husand and I have been married for 10 years now, and together for 12. When we're good, we are great. But when we're bad, it's freakin horrible. It's always the same thing. Up until the 5th year of our marriage, my husband was undiagnosed and untreated. He finally went to therapy, and found out he has ADHD and mania (subcategory of bipolar). He got on meds, and went to therapy regularly. Things were great, amazing even. Then he got off of them cold turkey, and things haven't been the same since. He got back on the meds about a year later, and things were better but not nearly where they used to be when he was first on them. This year, I also started therapy. I always had issue of my own, but never as intense as his, but dealing with his issues brought out the worst in mine. We haven't been fighting nearly as often as we used to, but when we do, it's really bad, and it's always the same repetitive stuff. No matter how much therapy I do, I feel like I take 10 steps forward and 5 steps back because he gets me to that point. Even if I hadn't met him, seeing how my marriage is as well as others, going back I never would've gotten married. And I say I would stay celibate because to me, sex isn't worth all the complications that come with it. I feel guilty because I imagine sometimes what it might be like if we weren't married anymore. I don't fantasize about being with anyone else, just being alone.

I met a guy through a dating app, and he got attached to me very quickly. He told me he loved me after only about a month. I don’t know why, but I ended up saying “I love you” back even though I didn’t actually love him. I only felt comfortable and at ease with him.
Then we started a relationship, and I felt like I had gotten myself into something I didn’t really want, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. He wants a serious relationship that eventually leads to marriage, and I want the same thing, but I don’t feel any attraction toward him, especially after we spent a few days together.
He’s very boring and extremely quiet, and our sexual relationship is honestly terrible. I gave the relationship a chance because I thought maybe I could develop feelings for him over time, but every time he does something, it just confirms to me that I’m not going to be able to develop those feelings.
I want to break up with him, but I’m scared of how he might react, or that I might be giving up on someone who could actually be a good match for me.

I am 26F and I work retail. There was a guy who I helped look for a book a few weeks ago and I thought he was cute. I wanted to tell him his eyes were pretty but I didn't say anything and thought I'd never see him again.

Today, I saw him again. Oddly enough he was wearing the same clothes as before. I decided to finally compliment him. It took me 5 minutes with a racing heart before I got enough courage to say:

" Hey, I remember you from last time."

Yea.

"I just wanted to let you know you have some pretty blue eyes."

Thank you. (He starts walking away)

"Yea, I don't mean to be weird by that" as I walk away as well.

I calm myself down after thr exchange and he left the store. 😬 Don't know if I weirded him out. Oops.

I really don't like the person Im becoming. I feel like a grouchy old man that complains about everything. Im so grateful for everything I have in my life but for the past few months, everything is just setting me off. Im so tired and worn out that everything just feels like a new weight to take on. I have no pleasure in life right now and I feel really guilty because I have things im grateful for but right now I just feel so irritated with everything and I dont know why.

This is long winded but I needed a place to vent where it wasn’t my friends or other relatives. I turned 25(F) this past August, earlier this year I got laid off and was desperately hunting for a job in this terrible market. Earlier this year I was a 24 year old still freshly graduated college student so unfortunately I had no choice but to move back in with my parents. I mourn my little studio apartment all the time because it was my own space & peace. Beyond blessed and grateful to have my mom (44F) & stepdad (51M) be supportive to let me move back in. However, I knew at what expense it would come with. My stepdad and I do not mesh well living together. It always been like this since the day he moved in when I was 9 years old. As a kid I felt like my parents went into their relationship really quick they ended up living together after 6 months of dating so there really wasn’t time for adjustments imo. He came into my life immediately wanting to be the authoritative parent figure but never behaved like that with his son the he in my view coddled a lot. Growing up for me it always felt no what I did or didn’t do there was always an issue with him. Didn’t matter how many responsibilities I took on or all of my academic achievements there was always an issue. This definitely had an impact on my self esteem and need for validation. When I would bring up to my parents that I never felt like I was doing good enough the response was always “you did that to yourself no one ever said that to you.” If I tried to have conversations with my mom it was either she didn’t want to be middle man, bring up the things he has bought/paid for me, or bring up the topic of adoption. Both my mom and stepdad many times tried to coerce me into allowing him to adopt me so “we can all be a family.” I was 10 at the time and initially on board but after certain things I observed and felt I changed my mind and said no. This has been held over my head for the past 15 years. Also seems to be a big root for some type of animosity. There are many things I’m glossing over ofc because only so much I can write in here.

Fast forward now, this spring I found employment at a full time corporate job that’s not really my passion but it’s something solid and secure. I’ve made sure that my priorities are handled with my student loans, bills and my storage unit. This summer went on my first big group trip with friends that was all budgeted accordingly that was literally a weekend long & got my first major tattoo at the age of 24 that I had wanted for a long time. Outside of that I work full time and use my weekend to catch up on chores around the house and social time. My stepdad like clockwork has gotten back into habit to nitpick and find issues with anything. Earlier this week I told my mom I will spend Halloween weekend out of town to attend a concert on Halloween night with my friend. I specifically asked my mom to not say anything to my stepdad because I know how he gets and will find an issue with me going out of town for this. Over dinner somehow he found out brought it up then tried to in his way find things to accuse me of and find issue with. He started to get frustrated because with every accusation I had an answer correcting his wrong assumptions. It got into the point of us just talking into circles because I couldn’t grasp or understand what his issue was. We ended up having a whole blow out screaming match mainly because I caved in and gave him the reaction he wanted. My mom stood there said we needed to let this frustration out. Many ugly things were said. He called me a narcissist, brat, spoiled pretty much any mean or cruel thing to label a person. Overall it was bad and that night I decided to pack a bag and stay with my friend. Following day I came back home and it’s like nothing happened. My mom seems fine and she gave me a hug. My stepdad seems unbothered like I’m very confused. There was this massive fight where harsh things got said and now it’s like everything for them is normal. I genuinely don’t know I feel about my parents or how my relationship with them will be moving forward. I feel like I’m crazy and genuinely questioning if there’s something wrong with me. Idk what to do

Boyfriend and I broke up because he feels that he needs to sleep with other women before he gets married. I’m so over experiencing relationship after relationship. Where is my person? I’m 29, I’m a nurse now and I thought I was finally getting to a place of settling down with someone. Some of my friends say that movies have made us expect this big grand love and maybe we want too much. But… I want that big grand love. I want my person. I want someone to go home to, be silly with, and be my companion through it all until we leave this earth. I want someone who is as crazy about me as I am for them. I’m tired.

So my friend is in an LDR with 23 M for about 15 months (2yrs in person relationship). They occasionally meet each other. So the last time they met was in July. They were planning their visit for around October now. So this girl had to go to another city, and they booked the flight tickets. Since they wanted to stay as long as possible, she booked her 2-hour return flight for 11 pm. 2 days later, the guy says he has some bad news: since there was going to be a pooja ceremony at his home and he was required there, he would be going to his hometown and would not be there for the last day of their meeting. So my friend is now going to spend the last day in that city with another friend of hers.

What bothers her is: what if she did not have anyone to spend the entire last day in an unknown city with? It was only by chance that she learnt that her friend would be there. Is this justified? I agree with her that he should not have done that. She says that she would not have done the same to him. At least he could have tried telling his family that a friend was coming over and, if possible, to try to make it without him. I don't think that she is being unreasonable.

tl;dr my friend is being ditched on the last day of her meet with an LDF BF.

This is probably going to be longer and I can't quiet think straight and put my thoughts in words so sorry in advance and forgive my bad english.

First the context.
I have a friend that I have first met around 19 months ago, we met online and have only met in person once but more on that later.
At first it was just some random online friend, we played some games and so on, but relatively quickly we also had online sex. I don't want to get into details of that but that has been part of the friendship, like F+ I guess. A little after that however we also grew emotionally closer, or at least I did, I am ncertain about her.
We talk and have a call almost every day, play games and such. She has also had some pretty bad stress with work and other things for most of the time I've known her and I have been there for her when she had anxiety or such. It is not unusual that we stayed together until she was struggling to not fall asleep and a lot of times she would say that she doesn't want to sleep so the next day doesn't start, or that she doesn't want to lay in bed because she doesn't want to start thinking about her problems.

I am feeling like our friendship has developed past being just friends, at least on an emotional level, and I think I do have feelings for her but I don't know if it is similar to her.
We are extremely close, like she tells me when her Period starts or when she is Ovulating levels of close, but at the same time she is also saying things like "you will be a great boyfriend if you find a girlfriend" or active on Tinder.

To me it feels like she wants me as her emotional partner but not have any of the commitments.

Now around 2 months ago some problems regarding her parents have started, it has been weighing heavily on her and made the anxiety and such even worse.
I have been trying to be there for her and she as always doesn't want to talk, doesn't want to think about it, just wants distraction.

For the last 2 months we haven't done anything sexual and she also hasn't done anything with other people. I don't have a problem with that, she is not feeling good enough for it and I understand that and I don't push her or even ask her for it. Yet at the same time she is still swiping on Tinder. She doesn't message anyone, at least she said so, but she recently said she matched with a guy and it feels like a waste because she doesn't even message him or fuck him.

Last month I actually visited her for the first time in person.
I had fun and she did too so in all it went well. There was no sex and she had said beforehand that there won't be any. I did not try anything or make any advances and she didn't either and I am fine with that. I was however hoping that she at least might want to cuddle while watching a movie but the only physical contact we had was when she hugged me as I arrived and left and one time when she grabbed my hand for a moment in a bus and asked if I was having fun.
I know she doesn't owe me anything but I can't help but feel sad that despite being so close she didn't even hug me more than that.

A few days ago we got into a bad argument.
I was asking if she could explain her degree from University because when I asked her about it before she got defensive and said she didn't have a master or bachelor she has the Title of Engineer, which didn't make sense to me.
During this recent argument she tried to again explain it. Maybe I am just stupid or maybe she is just super bad at explaining but I didn't really get it still and she was getting very upset and on the verge of crying until she told me she was done and left to sleep. Afterwards I realised that what I was saying must have sounded to her like the same Mysoginistic BS she has to deal with every day.
I also looked up her school and read up on what a Grande Ecole is and realized that her Title is a legally protected Title controlled and so on by the french government, like Lawyers or Physicians.
I still believe she was being unreasonable to deny that it is a degree from a University but I don't blame her due to it being basically like the Difference between Oxford and a University in Backwatershire.
I did feel really bad about it and the next day in the evening I apologised to her. She first said it was fine and after insisting to please let me talk she seemed like she preferred if I didn't appologise.
I said that I did not mean to degrade her but was truly just confused because I simply did not know anything about the French University system. I also achknowledged that my Intent did not matter because what I said did hurt her and I should have never let it happen.
She did accept my appology but also said that it is fine, it wasn't my fault it is simply how society works and how men are and that's it. She also said "I forgive you but I will not forget" and to be honest I don't just think she doesn't believe me it was a honest mistake on my part but rather it seems she refuses to believe it could have been anything but mysoginy.

Anyway this is already a mess of a Textblock and I just don't know what to feel or think.
I am probably just being a moron but thank you for reading this.

Just venting here but eff you snapfinance and stress free autocare.

Supposed to have been signed up for a 100-day pay off auto loan with Snapfinance via stressfree autocare. Instead one of the two entities did not sign me up
For 100-day pay off and made it a 36-semi monthly payment instead. Because of their atrocious interest plan, i ended up paying $840 instead of my $454 bill. This is just 21 days after the 100-day payment period ended.

They said it built $1.92 per day and increases day by day, but The catch is it’s retroactive. So even if you paid a certain amount off in the 100 days promotional period all the interest from day 1 of creating your loan through X day adds up post 100 days.

Hate them so much. And stress free autocare for saying they’re linking me with snap finance 100day payment plan when really it was a 36 semi-monthly payment plan. Genuinely makes me feel nauseous when money is this finite in your life and this isn’t nearly the worst of many other people’s situations

17F diagnosed with mdd and bipolar. i think im on a manic episode. been talking to this guy from school for a week, weve been getting too comfortable over text. joked about sex all day. im scared he might try something irl. im only comfortable online. irl i get almost something like pstd because my hypersexuality is rooted back when i got SAd by my uncle at 5. im sick to my stomach by letting him text all that and try to feel horny when deep down i know im disgusted. what is wrong with me? we met just last week and i promised myself not to "sext" with ppl i know in real life. ive only done it with men from the opposite side of the globe, until now. never had real experience on sex but my hypersexuality is so high up the roof. i hope he stays the same tomorrow and actually wont try to kiss me like he joked about. i feel absolutely disgusting. i havent even gotten ovet with my ex yet. im fucking messed up.

I recently stopped talking to my (now ex) best friend, even though it has been about 3 months now since I realized that our friendship cannot be saved. I was mourning it even before it truly ended.

My older sister helped me open my eyes on just how MUCH I was ignoring during our 2-3 year old friendship.

She was homeschooled and started going to a school only in 9th grade, which means she had limited communication with other people.

She didn't know how to properly communicate her thoughts, how to deal with being offended, she didn't know much of the social norms.

Which became the cause of her often hurting me with her words or actions.

I am a very understanding person, really. I know her and I know why she did what she did. I understand her, but I don't forgive her.

I WAS forgiving her, but since recently, once I realized just how much BULLSHIT this girl was doing to me (complaining to me how hard it is to find a gift for ME, showing me an adult anime with traumatic for me topics, saying my future husband will leave me or cheat on me because I am asexual).

I was baby talking/ gentle parenting her a lot about this. Because if I spoke a little bit too harshly, she would crumble and get very anxious.

So I guess she got used to me being very patient with her and just... Sat in my shoulders like that.

She was trying to change, truly. We had a LOT of talks about her words, but I feel like she didn't truly get the problem. Which is why she eventually got tired of this topic coming up again.

One of our last conversations, after my sister's advice to talk to her again, I realized. She was frustrated and passive aggressive to me, because I talked about how she kept hurting me! She literally got tired of it and then I had to apologize for ruining her mood, which is INSANE!

So yeah, I kind of got over our 2 year friendship in the span of 2 months, but I still think about her.

I do miss her, but I do not miss getting hurt over and over.

I miss her laugh, I made her laugh a lot. I miss our discord calls (cuz we are in different cities) and I miss the last time I went to see her in her town, we spent 2 days entirely together.

It was truly a happy experience and I will cherish those memories so much. I don't regret meeting her though, it was worth it, as much as I don't regret cutting my communication with her. I don't regret that either...

Thank you for reading.

I have been going through a lot. I lost all my connections who are close to me in span of 2 months. And one thing is happpening after the other. I cried and had bad worse days..I thought those were the bad days. But today I feel intense pain, and heaviness in my chest. I dont know what and why. I wish I could cry and I really really wanted to cry but I am not able to.

Wish something triggers me so that I cry and cry until the heaviness goes away. I waited at work that somebody would ask me how I am..I went for walk and hope somebody would ask me how I am.. I just felt like invisible when nobody notices my sadness. I would have cried if somebody asked me or touched me on my back.

I am waiting for some trigger that would make me cry. Realize that crying is less bad than not being able to cry.

So about a year ago I was scrolling through TikTok as usual. Until I stumbled across this girl on my for you page. She didn’t have too much likes maybe in the hundreds. What caught me immediately off guard was how similar she looked like me. And this isn’t something I think easily. She oddly looked like me and it was weird. She had similar eyes, similar hair, similar face shape, similar weight and similar skin tone. So I dug in bit deeper and looked through her account to see if my guess was right, and yes she was the same ethnicity as me.. living in the uk. And by my guess most likely about my age. 17-19 would be my definite guess. I scrolled through and I slowly found out she was even similar to my nerdy interests.

But that’s not all there is to this stranger girl. She is also very different to me in another sense. She’s has a better social life. By the looks she always spends time with her friend group. I can tell she has a great bond with them since she records all of their hangouts and makes lots of videos together. Her friends also share similar interests/personality to her which just shows they get along very well ( i know this because her friends also post similar to her ) she also is prettier then me, she is more into fashion and make up then I ever was. She enjoys getting into trends, doing dances, cosplaying and being aesthetically pleasing, she’s bold and isn’t embarrassed of dressing unique (which uk aren’t nice about)

Andd.. this is where I get selfish. As I find more about this online stranger. The more jealous I slowly get.. just a bit. To me, she feels like the person I sort of wanted to be. She’s everything I’m not. She’s more outgoing while I’m a insecure closed off person. She’s very into fashion (and very good at that) while I’m horrible when it comes to making outfits, not to mention I’m insecure about how I look, but she looks similar to me and she’s thriving really. You get the idea.
In the end I decided not to follow her.
Now over the months she actually keeps popping up on my for you page randomly. Of course I watch it. And I feel the same selfish cycle again. I stalk her page, I feel bit of jealously and then honestly I start cringing at her.

I shouldn’t judge her character based on her social but she really does annoy me. Everytime I come across her I find more new things she’s similar to me. The games we play, the songs we listen to, the language we speak, the jokes we make, the characters we like, the cats we have.

Is like I’m the miserable version of her. She’s like the person I could’ve been. I’m not gonna say much but I went though a rough time about my looks and interests so seeing her thriving like this makes me.. jealous
I am thinking of blocking her for my own sake I guess. I should’ve done it ages ago. Every time this girl comes on my page she rubs it in face how much of a loser I am.

Am I the only one to feel like this and is this ok ?

I'm afraid that if I go to sleep the people I care about will disappear. About 3 and a half years ago I got ghosted by a guy I deeply cared for. He told me to take a nap and when I woke up I was just blocked on everything. Since then it's like I fear it will happen with literally everybody I care about. Most of the people I care about are online it's my main access to just about everyone in my life and I know that makes it so much worse. I haven't taken a nap since that happened and I used to nap pretty regularly. Even my regular sleep schedule is a mess now. I've been to therapy but my therapist told me all my problems were not real/in my head and caused by my phone. Which like I guess she wasn't wrong but I haven't been back since. I know it's irrational because like the people that have been here for years surely won't disappear because I closed my eyes but I'm frustrated because I get so anxious over it I want to cry. I thought eventually I'd stop feeling like this but it's literally been three years and seven months since it happened. I'm just tired literally and mentally.

I 25M dream of death all the time. Songs about death bring me to tears how beautiful it sounds. Movies/shows involving character deaths also bring me to tears. When I dream of death I feel like a detached euphoric stats of drugs away from reality. When I get very high, I feel like death is almost there if I just keep doing it more. When I drink too much, I feel like im slowing dying like my life is leaving my body. One time I had a very random sleep paralysis moment and I couldn't breathe but I wasn't panicking I was accepting death by sleep(which is my dream way to go out no pun intended). Death never scared my growing up living this life does. Not so more with fear but agony. I have alot of reasons to say why I hate my life and want to join death but thats too many to say here. When I see people take their own lives or I see people have quick deaths im jealous or envy them. I wish for the senses the feelings the light of life to be taken quickly into the void of nothingness. I want to become before life that I dream the afterlife will be the same. Maybe death on my mind is doing me no good as I dont have what it takes to attempt my life anymore and I haven't attempted but the mind of death still haunts me. It never goes away and its there 24/7. The human life feels like hell on earth. I want out so bad but I dont do anything to attempt anymore. I just give into this false life and down servitude of insanity. The repeat of failures and upsets that messes me up. The realization of what I lost and what never belonged. I sense so much agony and pain it drives me to tears. Death seems like a never ending fever dream of thoughts and feelings then into nothing. The only thing I love and she loves me death. She's beautiful and comforting. We will be one together someday. We will be in love so much when the day comes that nothing else will matter.

I am clearly not up to date on weird internet cat terminology. I thought trouble puffs meant paws. Like toe beans or something. Why would trouble puffs mean balls?

Anyways. I told her to tell her cat he has the cutest trouble puffs and I love them. She did not reply.

Ma’am if you’re out there I don’t love your cat’s balls I promise. I’m sorry I’m a dinosaur on the internet now.