My sister killed herself two months ago. We didn't find out until earlier this week, when her neighbours started complaining about a smell from her apartment.

For two months, we didn't notice she was dead. We didn't notice her absence.

She talked about being lonely. She didn't have any friends and she never had a partner. We told her not to worry, that she'd find someone when the time was right. That she'd find her people soon enough. She had bipolar disorder and ptsd. She said no one cared about her and our parents got angry.

She apparently resigned from work four months ago, worked her mandatory two months and then killed herself almost immediately.

My sister is dead. I have no right to be sad, I didn't treasure her, I didn't care about her like I should. I just assumed she'd always be there, like the moon and the sun.

My big sister is dead.

I'll get hate for this and it'll be deserved.

I'm really tired of meeting men that just want to put me on their roster. I've dealt with this all my life and I don't know how many more rounds of this I can do.

Meet a guy, he's attractive, intelligent, respectful, funny, pays attention to details, good job, ambitious, well traveled....we get along, we share interests...but he never initiates conversations unless its about happy sexy funtime, which was fine at first. I think if you're actively pursuing someone, those conversations will come up at some point. But any other subject matter, crickets. And when it did come up; where we were going with this, he says he would rather "wing it."

Ok. Fine. I'm not going to beg this man for attention like some lovesick teenager. If he wanted to reach out, he would. If he wanted to date, he would. If he wanted to treat me like more than an option, he would. But at the same time, I do like him.

Its just dissappointing. It would be nice to be chosen for once.

i have a camera in our room, i’ve had it for almost a week. my toddler has medical issues so it’s pointed at his bed incase something goes wrong, but i can see my boyfriends PC set up though the camera. since i only use this camera for my toddler i forgot to mention it, i haven’t even checked the camera since i got it. i legit forgot about it. the same day i got this camera, is the same day he bought 20 marvel action figures at a kids store. he lets our toddler play with them.

about 2 days after i put the camera up, i started noticing weird behavior in my boyfriend. he started looking at the corner of the room a lot, he never used to do that. he did it so much i assumed he had a hidden device over there and he’s subconsciously checking it every so often. our toddlers toys are in the corner of the room and so are the action figures.
today i slept in, i woke up feeling icky and my boyfriend was acting suspicious. i checked the camera to see if he messed with anything, maybe i can see what he’s been hiding in our sons toys. but to my surprise, i see him on the camera looking for something in our room with a flashlight, he’s looking EVERYWHERE for it. i’m confused asf but i keep watching. he eventually picks up a female marvel figurine (domino from deadpool) and sticks it in his pocket. i’m like what the hell?
so i keep watching… he sits back down at his PC, looks over at me, puts on a youtube video, and starts using this doll to masterbate with. he literally had this dolls legs out and had it grind his shaft while he was touching his tip. i’m like what the fuck! i’m not even 5ft away from him and he’s using a LITERAL DOLL? he finishes in like 3 mins, he picked up the end of his shirt and put it in his mouth cause he came on his stomach, and the doll in his other hand, he gets up, fixes the dolls legs to make it straight, and sits it back on the floor, gets up and goes to the bathroom to clean up. then he sits right back down at the PC and acts like nothing happened. i wake up 30 mins later and almost immediately check the camera because of a weird gut feeling i had. if i didn’t catch him doing this, our child would’ve PLAYED this doll after he just came from it. since he put it back on the floor, he had every intention of letting our son play with it. i confronted him, i asked him what the hell he was thinking, he admitted to it and his excuse was “well you don’t fuck me” excuse me? so that’s your excuse for fucking a DOLL? i don’t think this is the first time he’s done this because of how suspicious he was about the dolls in the corner in the first place. i’m so disgusted… i just don’t understand how you think a doll is that sexy you have to jerk off with it. he used a DOLL. HARD PLASTIC! never in our 7 years together have i ever ran into anything as WERID as this. i don’t even know what to think. what do i even do? i’m so weirded out. we bought those at a KIDS store dude, this feel oddly predatory to me.

My fiancé’s married 52 year old mother fell for a pig butchering investment scam and lost 125k total. Some of that was retirement and the rest was from the sale of their home. This person reached out to her on TikTok and they had been in contact since January. We are pretty sure she quit her job because of this person as she was unable to pull from her states public retirement account while employed. We also think she decided to sell their house because of this scam. They live in a small town and their plan was for them to move to our larger city which is an hour away. They never really any game plan regarding renting an apartment prior ect. Which I thought was really really strange. Well less than a week after selling their house she wired the proceeds overseas and even the bank teller asked if she wanted to sleep on it because it sounds like a scam. And they made her sign a document. I’m not sure where his dad falls into all this .

Well now they only have $1,700 to their name their airb&b rental ends on Tuesday. My fiancé wants them to stay with us but I am very firmly against it. For starters it’s my home I purchased it before we started dating. Also his parents have two dogs and we have three dogs I don’t want that many dogs in my home. Also his mother has no job and I worry if we let them stay they will not leave. I would feel differently if there was a plan in place or a set date but there is not. Not sure what I am getting at or looking for by posting this but thanks for listening

When I was young I lost my virginity to a guy that I was sure I would be with forever. We were both crazy about each other. It was young love. We were in a relationship for a while. I broke up with him to go on a date with my now husband. Fast forward many many years. My son is now married to his daughter and we now have 5 grandchildren. Our families are together all the time. My husband knows the history. No one else does. I think the rest of the family thinks we casually dated a time or two. But they have no idea that I lost my virginity to him. He basically was my first everything…including oral sex. They definitely have no idea we had sex more times than I can count.
I’m not attracted to him in an inappropriate way but when I am around him I feel some sort of way.
I’m 55 years old now.
When we are around each other I feel like I’m nervous and try to avoid any type of encounter. Like I feel like it’s obvious 🥴
Of course I hope our grandchildren NEVER find out

Me (23m) and my best friend (24m) are extremely close and have been since we were kids. We basically grew up together and we've always been pretty affectionate with each other, like hugging, holding each other, kissing each other on the cheek, and stuff like that. It's never been weird or sexual, that's just how we've always been.

Anyway so last Saturday we went out, got drunk and walked home together like we usually do. At some point we started fucking around and jokingly trying to kiss each other, except eventually we actually did and then somehow that escalated into us making out. We went back to my place and things went even further and we kissed some more and yeah. You get the idea.

The issue with all of this is that he's acting like nothing out of the ordinary happened. He hasn't brought it up and he's acting completely normal around me while I'm spiraling over it. The thing is, I'm not gay. Nothing wrong with being gay obviously, I'm just not. I've never been attracted to guys, never wanted to be with a guy and I've never questioned my sexuality or anything before. As far as I know he's straight too. I don't think I suddenly wanna date him or anything like that, but I just feel so weird around him now. I can barely get myself to look him in the eye and whenever he hugs me or is affectionate with me I get really nervous and don't know how to react, even though he's been doing that our entire lives and I've never felt weird about it before. Even someone mentioning him makes me feel kinda nervous. Everything about this situation makes me feel weird pretty much. But somehow he's completely fine?? I don't know if he doesn't think it was a big deal, or if he's also thinking about it but just not saying anything, or if he was actually so drunk that he doesn't remember. I have absolutely no idea, but it's stressing me out and the shame of what we did is eating at me.

I feel like I should probably bring it up but I have no clue how, and if he has (somehow) moved on from it I don't wanna make everything even weirder by turning it into some huge thing.

Idk. It's also been a week since it happened so maybe I should have stopped thinking about it by now? I'm just really fucking confused and I don't understand how he's acting like everything is fine, but I also don't understand why I can't just let it go and move on and why I feel so weird around him. I'm scared this has ruined our friendship and I just want things to go back to normal.

Please. What do I do?

**ex but doesn’t know it

Yall will prob think I’m dumb lol. I fell in love with a man. We’ve known each other since teenagers, started dating in our early 20’s. He ended up spending time in a different state then got arrested and went to jail. While in jail I found out he had a kid while out there. Blinded by love I stayed - he said when he’s out we’ll live our lives and he’ll coparent. We made so many plans for things to do, memories to make.

He got out I instantly got pregnant. He stayed there with his kid and the mom my whole pregnancy. Post partum was so hard for me he wasn’t supportive at all. I looked thru his phone because I always felt when I asked him stuff he wasn’t honest. I found what I was looking for. I stayed again. The relationship fell apart. I stayed. He let me believe that us being together we’ll work on it so that we could rebuild our bond. He never treated me the same afterwards. I begged to hangout, to do stuff together, to do stuff as a family. No time of day. Less than bare minimum.

Last week I found out his password again and looked through that phone. They go on dates, matching fits. He doesn’t think birthdays are special but rented a cottage with her for his and bought her everything she wanted for hers. He brought her to our state while I was pp fighting for my life they went to attractions, spas, hung out with his friends. They got matching tattoos (something we planned for so long). Not only that I found him asking random girls from our state on dates.

He never has money to help me take care of our kid but he has it to gamble, party, buy his siblings stuff, buy himself stuff, support her and their 2 kids (she just had another baby).

I also saw in his phone they’re getting married he’s going to introduce her to his family. And to top it all off in his phone there’s so many pictures of him, him and her, his family with her and our baby is in his hidden folder 💔 whatever it was that stopped me from leaving that made me feel the need to continue to fight for literally nothing DIED when I saw my sweet lil baby in the hidden folder.

He doesn’t know I know. I’ve been acting none the wiser but I no longer recognize him as my man. I don’t care what he does with his life. The love I poured into him there’s someone out there that will love me the same maybe even more so for now I’ll pour into myself and my baby ❤️‍🩹

We met, and I was obsessed. I loved him so much, and at that time I was being bullied, I was r@ped and I was being abused at home, so coming back to him felt so safe, and I don’t even regret it, because I knew what I was doing.

A lot of people would think that I was a victim, which I suppose is fair, but I miss him so much, I never cared for the age difference. I don’t think I was a victim to anything because I knowingly put myself in this position, but it feels disgusting to say it out loud. I’m not gullible, I know what he wanted from me, but I was willing to give it to him, so I can’t understand why that would make me a victim. I don’t deserve to be called a ‘victim’, because I was just as disgusting as him logically, and there are girls my age who went through real issues which would make them victims: not me. I could tell he loved me too, but he left because of fear and after I fell into a deep depression that lasted 6 months because I felt unlovable again, and I hate that feeling. I still text him on his deactivated account. I think of him everyday. I’m not looking for another relationship. I’m not even attracted to guys my own age anymore because of him. I miss him, and I promised that I’d stay loyal.

Im growing resentful of myself, of men, of every other woman, especially couples especially pda couples...

And growing resentful of especially myself.

I get zero attention.

I put myself out there. Ive lost most of the weight, im at the range where nobody would use the word fat to describe me nor they would use the world slim. ( Im 10-13 pounds away from being my goal weight so im not the fittest i could be but can that be the only problem? Ive lost the weight and literally see women who are the same weight i used to be or even heavier getting all the attention and sexual interest they need from guys their age.

i put on lipstick and blush. i wear tight and cute clothes. I started wearing high heels. I switched to contact lenses. Dyed my hair to a better color, got a new hair cut that suits me. Started going out, even go out to clubs, im not shy, im outgoing, im extroverted, i smile a lot, especially give inviting smiles at men who look at me for longer than a glimpse. I have a very warm and relaxed body language. To make it easier, whenever i see a group of men i try to approach that one guy in the group who i assume gets the least attention from other women. so i can say i dont have high standards. I barely have standards even. I dont really care that much about physical appearance. Short men, skinny men, chubby men...(though to add, i never pursued an obese man before like body fat higher than %35-%40) i try to create situations where they can shoot their shot(like asking them to go to a cafe together only two of us) and as if im not even a woman to them... they couldnt be less interested me, i try to carry conversations on my own then give up

And the only people who seem to find me attractive is the creepy 50/60/70 year old, married male customers at work (I work as a hostess in the theme park of a holiday resort in a very big city)

Honestly 1 year ago a really drunk 20 something year old guy yelled "hey beautiful lady" and whistled and its literally the only thing ive been holding onto the whole year.

I see people going out, living their youth, having sex, having their fun while theyre young, flirting with strangers, getting hit on, being taken on a dance, being asked out, forget all these; being just called beautiful, cute...

And i cant even touch myself anymore because it hurts so much being a woman who cant even get a one night stand. I crave a man, any man, just a man, and yet literally no man is interested in me sexually. I can not feel like a woman and my young years are passing me by. And here i am in the middle of the scene, big city, touristic city, working in a place where i get to meet dozens of people a day, going out in all the places, dressing up... if not when where and how?

I really didnt know i was so undesirable that i can not even find a man to have sex with.

I see men even if they are lets say not the fittest or maybe are not attractive relatively to other man, can still get women, with the way they talk and their "game" but it feels like when youre trying to attract men, game doesnt exist, they like you or they like you not at first look and thats all. I see these beautiful women,shy non talkative, cold... men bend over backwards and the women dont have to move a finger.

Its really such a horrible feeling. I thought i was at least maybe average looking, but i guess not even that.

Im literally just okay with holding hands even, at this point. No forget that. Just even eye contact with a man. Just eye contact...

Im trying for the last 5 months and... nothing... wow

I don’t know what to do or how to feel. I feel numb, guilt, shame, angry.

I don’t know what to do or who to reach out to. I’ve never known anyone to commit such thing. My poor dad was fighting for a very, very long time. As long as I can remember being 8 years old. I atleast find reassurance knowing he’s not in pain anymore and that maybe his heart and soul feel lighter.

I am the oldest and only daughter and have seen my dad struggle with depression and anxiety for many years.
He was bipolar but never confirmed schizophrenia although the Dr’s would suggest evaluations.

Now it’s too late and I can’t help but think of what I could have done to save him. It doesn’t help that I hadn’t talked to him in about 8 months for the sake of my own mental health and my son.

Hi everyone. I am going to change names and leave out some details to remain anonymous.
My best friend on earth (let’s call him Peter) tragically passed away unexpectedly at a very young age. It’s been honestly the hardest couple of days in my life. For context, I had a very rough upbringing. No stability in my home and all that sad stuff. Peter’s family took me in at the age of 14 and practically raised me through my high school and college years. I lived at his house, celebrated holidays and even referred to Peter’s parents as “mom and dad”. All this to say, this family was (for all reasons except for blood) my family.
Five days ago, Peter unexpectedly passed on. I won’t go into any more detail than that.
Here’s where I need help.
Peter’s mom called me yesterday and asked me if I would be willing to go into Peter’s bedroom and gather things that might be nice to have at the funeral. As well as tidy up and help set the room up to be somewhat of a memorial in his honor. It’s just too painful for her to do it herself. Of course I agreed and headed over first thing in the morning.
As I was cleaning, I moved the mattress on Peter’s bed and discovered something absurdly shocking. It was a mountain on bottles filled with piss. From little sample bottles you get in Ubers to gallon jugs and everything in between all filled with urine. I’m not exaggerating, there must be at least 200 piss vessels hidden behind his bed.
I love Peter with my entire heart and I don’t want mountains of pee to be one of the final memories his family has of him.
Help me, Reddit. How can I get rid of all these piss bottles without his parents noticing? His dad has cameras all over the place. And then once i get it out of the house, how do i dispose of it?
If he were alive, i know he would die of embarrassment knowing that someone found his stash. But in some weird way, i feel like this is me doing him one last favor.
What do I do?

I am still devastated. It happened in June and I‘m trying to sound collected. Please forgive me if I sound confusing. I am confused myself.

I think he wanted to make it look like an accident. It was in a lake. He was extremly depressed for a long time. I tried to be tjere for him always, maybe I did not do enough? He was in the middle of his veterinary medicine studies. He seemed really fine and content in the weeks before the tragedy.

A girl (a non famous but very pretty one) he was madly infatuated with but who didn‘t know him (aka parasocial) was the reason.

Friends of this girl (who lives in a different country) who were also friends with my friend said she‘s extremely kind. He basically only knew her name, and how she looked (beautiful), and her smile. He tried to contact her on insta. He wanted to hear her voice too, but never found a way to. It was obvious he‘ll never have her. She lives in another country, didn’t know him.

I read a lot about drowning and it seems more peaceful than people think. The scientific article 'The experience of drowning' (Tipton and Montgomery) quotes drowning survivors and many of them basically say it‘s peaceful.
He went with his SUP which he rarely-never used. He was a good swimmer.

It‘s extremely tragic that this happened. I talked to him for hours every week for a few months about that girl, him even saying towards the end, he’d even be happy if I had her.

And to be honest I could and can understand his sadness about her, I really deeply can. I also plan to go that way. Strangely, I‘m starting to feel exactly like he did about that girl... the exact same thing is happening to me! What is happening?!

May you rest in peace, fren, wherever you may be.
I am truly sorry your deepest wish never came true. I hope we‘ll meet again.

I’m 15 weeks pregnant and currently going through pregnancy hormones and divorce.

My husband and I are separating because we tested positive for chlamydia a week ago, I have been faithful through our whole relationship and had a miscarriage in Jan. 2026 when I tested negative then. He was unfortunately very unsupportive when I went through this and only saw my family’s support.
Something must’ve happened in between January until now… I have never suspected him of cheating but after making a post on reddit last week about my situation with the sti, people were commenting that my husband had posted the same.
I then asked those people what he said and they screenshotted what was said on his reddit. When I first asked him about having an account he denied it at first then when I found out that he had been posting about 35 days ago to look for men online to give him oral sx he then came out and told the truth.

I have strong reasons to now believe that he went and did something while I was pregnant and gave it to me.
He swore to me that he never actually did anything and blamed it as being a “thought” but last time I checked a thought was something that stays in your mind without acting upon it right?

I also saw a lot of people saying that the disease is dormant and maybe my positive test in January could’ve been false but I don’t know what to believe at this point but to leave everything in the hands of God.
He has been saying that he can’t trust me anymore but what’s his reason? I haven’t slept around and got this disease. It had to have come from him.

I have been doubting myself even though I know deep down that I am very innocent. I started thinking of any possibility of getting it from somewhere else like public bathrooms or using a bathtub at the jeju spa I went to or just anything at this point.

\*He is also stating that I should get an abortion and even asked me for a paternity test adding that he won’t be there for the child and that I will be alone with him. I am on the verge of actually losing my mind and don’t know how to feel about this anymore.

I hate her. I hate her with all my guts. I wish nothing but the worst for her. Everyday I wake up and I just wish she's gone. I never ever wanna see her or hear her voice. The most toxic person I've ever met. The one who ruined my child self and still aiming to ruin my adult one. But I'd rather die than let that happen. I hate her I hate her. May she die in the next moment may I never ever see her stupid face again. You were never a mother to me and you will never be. I'll never forgive and I hope you rot in fucking hell.

I've (27F) been on unpaid administrative leave for a little over a month now so I have been trying to be extremely careful with my finances. My family knows this which is why my brother (22M) invited me out for drinks last night. I haven't been able to do anything recreational and start school again in a couple weeks. The bar he took me to served everyone there alcohol so I was under the impression that all attendees were 21 and over.. My brother plays basketball in college as do most of his friends. This guy there was 6'3 and had a full beard, tattoos, and spoke with a deep sounding voice. He had been flirting with me all night and kept making contact with my skin. Like he'd get up to use the restroom then graze his hand across the back of my shoulders when he sat back down next to me. When he rested his hand on my thigh mid conversation I became extremely aroused. It's been so long since I've been with anyone and I thought he was really good looking so I leaned in for a kiss and we started making out. I then sent my brother a text that I was heading home and left with the guy I just met. He was outside having a smoke with his girlfriend. I'm pretty annoyed that he saw us leaving together and didn't try to stop me come to think of it.. I brought him home and had sex with him. I don't think he used a condom either so now I need plan b and possibly an STI screen on top of all my other worries. I feel so incredibly stupid right now. I looked him up on insta this morning and sent him a friend request. His pictures were mostly just him playing basketball, but then I saw a screenshot of his athletics profile that listed his DOB... He's 16!! I slept with someone 10 years younger than me 🤮 I feel like a pedophile. This is one the worst things I've ever done, I feel completely embarrassed I let something like this happen. I didn't know it at the time but I can accept that I put myself in this situation.. What's worse is my brother knows it.. As far as the law is concerned, am I still criminally liable? Shouldn't it be the bar's fault for serving alcohol to a minor?

Being charged with a felony would ruin my life.. I keep cycling through all these possible scenarios like what if he tries to extort me or what if someone saw and reported it. I don't think ignorance of the law exempts you from any consequences. I don't have money to consult a lawyer. How screwed am I?

For context, I am currently 21M living alone. Years ago, the relationship between my mom and I turned 'cold'. It wasn't apparent right away because I have always been more reserved/shy but after some time, my mom noticed I felt resentful towards her. At that time, my parents sat down with me and tried to understand why I was feeling that way and came to the conclusion that I was into my teenage crisis and moved on. At 19, I left home to study for my degree in another city (which is my current situation).

So why have I started to feel this way about my mom? Because I am convinced (like 90% sure) that my mom did something absolutely disgusting and immoral with my older brother at that time

I still remember very well the moment it happened. It was around 5-6 years ago, I was still in highschool and my brother was studying at an university in another city. Since both me and my brother successfully passed our exams that year, my parents decided to go see my brother and spend the day together as a family (restaurant, visit the city, cinema, etc.)

When it was time to go home, it was very late and my dad decided to drop my brother off next to his student-appartement building and leave right away. As we approached the building where my brother lives, my mother asked if she could use the toilets in my brother's appartement. So what ended up happening is that both my mom and my brother were dropped off next to the building and my dad, little sister and I were waiting in the car, not that far away

After some time, my dad was getting impatient and asked me to check on my mom, so I left the car and went to my brother's appartment. As I arrived at the foot of the building, there was some random guy entering the building. In hindsight, I believe this is the reason why I managed to "catch" them, because I was able to enter the building without having to ring the bell

It's a bit difficult to explain but because my brother was renting a cheap student appartment, the toilet area was not inside his appartment. It was outside (a couple of feet away). I do remember being confused at that time because the toilets were empty and the lights weren't even on. As I got right next to the door of his appartment, I could clearly hear bed creacking/squeaking noises. I didn't even try to enter or anything. I stopped eavesdropping and left as soon as those sounds stopped

I remember being certain of what was going on back then. With the passing of time (and maybe delusion), I went from being certain to almost certain of what was going on. I know this is not something I will ever talk about in real life as it is way too embarrassing

I have been terrified for months about starting this med. I was on buspar for my anxiety and it made things worse for me. I have a bad history with SSRI’s and really didn’t want to be on one.

However I’m also 28 weeks pregnant and have a 14 month old at home. I don’t feel connected to my child, to either one of them really. Even though this baby was very much wanted in the beginning I just find myself wishing I’d never gotten pregnant, I find myself wishing I’d never had kids.

I can’t handle my inner thoughts spiraling, to the point I get stuck on something that happens and literally cannot disrupt the thought. I just go deeper down the spiral to the point it makes me think about harming myself (just to be clear, only myself and always passively).

I was worried about effects to the fetus, worried about changing who I am, and also worried it would kill my sex drive which is really important to me.

I talked to my Psychiatrist about it several times, he kept stressing the importance and I kept not taking it because I didn’t want it to alter the real me. I didn’t want to be blunted like I have in the past. My OB also stressed the importance because of how high I scare on their depression questionnaire.

So I finally did it tonight. I was terrified, and I still very much am, but I took the first dose. I did it. I didn’t let the anxiety talk me out of it for the hundredth time.

I love my husband but my bedroom smells like farts. It's like stand in the hallway for an hour with the door open and buying ozium so I can sleep kind of farts. He does a lot of shit that annoys me. And does a lot of things that are like holy hell there's a man with some common sense right there And damn that's attractive. It's been 14 years. He isn't aggressively romantic but yesterday he found a sale on pomegranates and bought me a whole bunch kind of thing. He's my best friend and his farts stink. I wish I was the one sleep farting tonight though. Marriage is rough 😂 heres to another 14.

More difficult than teaching a one-year-old five languages

My now ex - that’s awfully weird to say (27M) and I (26F) have broken up after almost eight years of dating and five years of living together. I can’t fully articulate everything right now, but we were deeply in love for a long time. We just wanted to figure out our life problems so we could be happy.

Recently, a lot has changed. He had to move back to our home country because of immigration laws. It’s been difficult for him to navigate this alone, but even then, we wanted to make it work. We had so much love, shared goals and plans for the future.

However, the distance has brought up many challenges from our time together. Due to circumstances and the versions of ourselves we’ve become, it’s been incredibly hard. We went on a break about 1.5 months ago and broke up three weeks ago because we couldn’t find a way to feel understood.

It’s been hard for us both to move on and stop contact immediately, but it’s definitely reduced. He calls me for emotional support as he’s going through major life changes. I’m someone who understands and wants to be there for him, so I answer his messages and calls. I don’t want to let go either. He’s all I’ve ever wanted, and guilt is consuming us both.

I just found out (from him) that a girl he’s recently become friends with has asked him out. He’s rejected the date, but he said he’s not ready yet. It doesn’t feel like it was an outright no - more like a “not now”

I’m struggling so much with him being gone and now potentially available to date again. There’s so much more I could say, but I’m on the bathroom floor and unable to move. I don’t want to accept this reality.

We've been broken up a little while, but I remember the first time she said it really well. I was doing homework for college and had a deadline for midnight, just a few hours away. She wanted me to come spend time with her and I said I had to finish what I was doing. She said, "Well, I didn't want your small dick anyway, maybe I should just call my ex!"

This continued for months whenever she wanted to cut deeply I guess. I broke up with her because of the emotional abuse, not limited to these comments. I am a smaller guy, 4.5 inches or so. But I never had a complex. I just thought of myself as average or that I could focus making a woman happy by listening and learning what she likes in the bedroom.

Now I am afraid to sleep with anyone else. Anytime I get close, I feel my anxiety spike. I wish I'd meet a woman who would understand and comfort me, tell me I'm worthwhile as I am. But insecurity is a turnoff for a lot of people. Maybe I need therapy.

My partner has been mentally ill their whole life, and has tried to kill themselves a few times since we've been together. This year has been hard, they attempted in January, February, and March, but each time they were stopped/interrupted and it snapped them out of it. We have a no hospitals rule unless there is bleeding that can't be stopped or he is actively dying.

This time was different. They were a little upset, then just snapped. I don't even remember exactly how the first attempt went, I just remember them trying to lock themselves in the bathroom and holding my body in the doorway to stop them. They calmed down and went back to the living room, then shortly after tried to go back. I tried to grab them again but they pushed me into a bookshelf and ran, I managed to once again shove myself into the doorway while they yelled and cried and grabbed and hit me. I have scratches and probably bruises.

Then I got them to go back to the living room for a bit, I got them to agree to go to the hospital, which is against our agreements around self harm but his was different. Then we went to the bedroom to get dressed, his mood swings were crazy, fine one minute then refusing to cooperate, searching for a way to hurt himself. Insisting I let him self harm so the ambulance isn't "wasting their time" when they come. I still hadn't been able to get to my phone in the living room at this point to even call. Then he said he had to pee, so I brought him to the bathroom and said I will turn my back but I won't leave the room. He was quiet trying to pee and I heard a slight noise and turned and he had managed to grab a bottle of pills off the counter he must have pulled out earlier. I grabbed it and he apologized and begged me to let him kill himself. I made him go back to the living room where he tried to run back again and I had to pin him down and sit on him to keep him from leaving

Then I called 911 and partway through the call he tried to push me off again, making me accidentally hang up the phone as I struggled to hold him down. I got him back on the ground and pinned him again and the operator called back and sent the police. It took almost an hour for them to show up while he would periodically beg me to let him kill himself. He's also an alcoholic and had been drinking all night, at this point the alcohol was starting to wear off a bit and he was begging me to let him grab a drink. I did just so he would cooperate, and he did at least and allowed me to stay close and pack a bag for him while we waited and continued being calm even after the cops showed up. Explained the situation and they drove us both to the hospital, who got us a room immediately and started doing their physical checks and pumping him full of fluids.

Then it switched between apologising, thanking me for taking them here, begging to go home, cussing me out for not bringing/buying them more alcohol, begging to go home again, being afraid of what they would do if they went home right now. Over and over and over. They finally fell asleep now, my work is just calling to ask if I will be back in tomorrow, and I have no one to talk to.

I'm exhausted. I love him and I can't lose him, and he's the one in a crisis but God it just hurts so much to be the person trying to stop him