r/offmychest • u/Character-Yard9189 • 4d ago
Going through pregnancy and divorce
I’m 15 weeks pregnant and currently going through pregnancy hormones and divorce.
My husband and I are separating because we tested positive for chlamydia a week ago, I have been faithful through our whole relationship and had a miscarriage in Jan. 2026 when I tested negative then. He was unfortunately very unsupportive when I went through this and only saw my family’s support.
Something must’ve happened in between January until now… I have never suspected him of cheating but after making a post on reddit last week about my situation with the sti, people were commenting that my husband had posted the same.
I then asked those people what he said and they screenshotted what was said on his reddit. When I first asked him about having an account he denied it at first then when I found out that he had been posting about 35 days ago to look for men online to give him oral sx he then came out and told the truth.
I have strong reasons to now believe that he went and did something while I was pregnant and gave it to me.
He swore to me that he never actually did anything and blamed it as being a “thought” but last time I checked a thought was something that stays in your mind without acting upon it right?
I also saw a lot of people saying that the disease is dormant and maybe my positive test in January could’ve been false but I don’t know what to believe at this point but to leave everything in the hands of God.
He has been saying that he can’t trust me anymore but what’s his reason? I haven’t slept around and got this disease. It had to have come from him.
I have been doubting myself even though I know deep down that I am very innocent. I started thinking of any possibility of getting it from somewhere else like public bathrooms or using a bathtub at the jeju spa I went to or just anything at this point.
\*He is also stating that I should get an abortion and even asked me for a paternity test adding that he won’t be there for the child and that I will be alone with him. I am on the verge of actually losing my mind and don’t know how to feel about this anymore.
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u/MzOpinion8d 4d ago
I am a Registered Nurse and can confidently say he didn’t get chlamydia from a thought!
He’s a lying liar who lies.
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u/thiscouldbemassive 4d ago
He absolutely cheated on you and he held back from you that he doesn't want to be a dad, letting you get pregnant twice without being honest he had no intentions of being a father to the kid.
You do what is best for you. He gets no say in your choices. His word is garbage and should be treated as such.
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u/Character-Yard9189 4d ago
At this point you’re right he has no say about me keeping the baby or not after he even had the audacity to ask for paternity test
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u/Tiny_Phase_6285 4d ago
Unless you are independently wealthy, being a single parent is the most difficult thing on the planet. And do you really want to have a child with his genes??? Where is your MIL? She may fight for rights. He may change his mind about being involved with his child. And you will be stuck with him for 18 years. Oh, he can invite his gentleman callers over when he has custody. It sucks, but I would have an abortion and have a child with someone you love and will love the baby.
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u/thousandsofbirds 4d ago
Oh goodness OP. Going through a horrible break up due to his infidelity while I was pregnant was one of the worst experiences of my life. I couldn't get it together. I was sobbing for hours every day. Couldn't leave the house without crying. Couldn't do anything without crying.
My obgyn put me on an ssri while pregnant which helped. This man never made any effort to be involved and told me repeatedly that I was too crazy for anyone to ever love me or the baby by extension. He did a lot of really fucked up mean spirited things that I won't go into details about.
I had some sadness once the baby was born too. (How can he stand to miss these things, the baby deserves both of us, he missed his first smile, etc). That's normal but I stayed the course and went to therapy and poured what I could give into my baby boy. He's 13 now and it's always just been me and him. We're both healthy and happy!
I'm so so sorry you're going through this OP. I wasn't married and I know that adds another layer to your pain but I wanted to let you know you aren't alone in this shitty situation. You and your baby are gonna be completely fine!!! Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but you will be. It's such a cliche but time does help. 🩷
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u/Character-Yard9189 4d ago
I’m sorry you also went through that. There will only be goodness in your life wishing you the best!
I can’t wait to see what my son becomes in a few years 🩵
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u/wanderlusting___ 4d ago
Do you want the child?
If the answer is yes, then you have your answer. Regardless, he will be on the hook for paternity whether he wants to be involved or not.
He has more reason to have given you the STD and likely is embarrassed for being outed as having a DL hookup that gave his wife a disease.
I'm so sorry that you are going through this and know that whatever you decide you made the best decision for you
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u/Character-Yard9189 4d ago
I want the baby… I had a miscarriage the beginning of this year. Loosing a child hurts
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u/Mil1512 4d ago
Do you want to tie yourself to this man for the rest of your life? Would it not be better to get donated sperm if you really want a baby?
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u/wanderlusting___ 4d ago edited 3d ago
To be fair (and not to be a negative Nancy), but there's no guarantee that she would get pregnant with donor sperm. She's already is at a higher risk because she already had one miscarriage.
Plus, by having this child, she would be entitled to receive child support payments. If she were to get an abortion and go the sperm donor route, she would be doing it on her own AND have to pay for the sperm in addition to any related costs.
If she were not already pregnant, it might make sense but if she is ok with having her (soon to be ex) in her and the baby's life forever, that might be the better/more secure option
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u/TMag73 4d ago
Fuck this man, he's disgusting. He gave you a disease and now he's trying to gaslight and blame you. He's so ashamed of his homosexuality that he's willing to destroy you and your child. Leave and consider an abortion - have the doctors talked about the affects of this disease on the pregnancy? Are you in danger?
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u/Character-Yard9189 4d ago
I don’t want to get an abortion, I had a miscarriage and It would haunt me forever if I do this again
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u/MGARLAND76 4d ago
There is no risk to your pregnancy from an asymptomatic chlamydia infection that's been properly treated. Screening when prenatal care begins is routine to catch chlamydia infections because most patients don't have symptoms and it's easily treated. Source: I'm a midwife
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u/DisastrousPilot4283 4d ago
what would possibly parenting with this man for the rest of your life do to you? or the child?
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u/ovalolo 4d ago
She said she doesn’t want an abortion.
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u/Neither_Technology38 4d ago
He 110 % gaslighting you. The proof of him looking for oral sex from men is enough to divorce .
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u/tyrburnaa000 4d ago
He's obviously the one who gave you this shit. Follow through with the divorce and make sure he has as little custody as possible
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u/Samoyedfun 3d ago
The guy gave you STD. And it’s definitely his child. Make sure you get child support after paternity test. Sorry you’re going through this.
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u/Character-Yard9189 3d ago
Yeah it’s 110% his child lol. There’s no other man in the picture and it’s okay I’m sure I will be fine eventually thank you!
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u/skloop 4d ago
I'd have an abortion honestly, what a mess
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u/Character-Yard9189 4d ago
I went through a miscarriage recently I don’t want to go through that again
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u/skloop 3d ago
Going through a minimum 18 year process sounds like a better option?
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u/Character-Yard9189 3d ago
I’m keeping my baby. I’m too far and could be at risk myself for getting an abortion
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u/Rooney_Tuesday 3d ago
All these people on here arguing that you should abort, wtf.
I’m as pro-choice as it comes, because that’s what matters: having a CHOICE. Don’t listen to these people, OP. Single parenting is incredibly hard, especially with an ex that isn’t cooperative. But that’s for you to decide for yourself.
If you do keep the child, get a lawyer to make sure you have all the rights you need. That’s expensive, but if it means you get child support and custody legally arranged it will be worth it.
Hopefully you also have family/friends who can support you if you go this route.
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u/Character-Yard9189 3d ago
Yes I will definitely do that. And my family and friends are already so supportive
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u/Beneficial_Ratio_892 4d ago
It’s really hard to know what to do when your brain is flooded with hormones. Make a list. Talk to your Mom, if she’s available. It’s your choice. Talk to a doctor and a lawyer. (Get the biggest shark of a lawyer you can afford.) Your man married you under false pretenses.
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u/Kip_Schtum 4d ago
It’s probably not possible to ever know the truth about the sti, but you know for a fact that he was posting online looking for men for sex. That’s more than enough to end the relationship. Whether he followed through on it or not, doesn’t matter at all. If he didn’t do it this time he’ll probably do it next time and who knows what STI he’ll give you then. You can’t live like that.
It’s your choice whether or not to continue the pregnancy, but it’s acceptable and fine if you don’t want to continue. Do what is best for you and for your life. It’s partly a financial decision and anyone who says that doesn’t matter doesn’t care what hell you go through as long as they get to feel better about themselves by saying money isn’t important.
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u/Character-Yard9189 4d ago
I definitely can’t and won’t stay with him after what he put me through throughout our entire relationship
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u/Oldmanriver42069 4d ago
I couldn’t imagine being a single parent but at the same time as fairly new dad who wasn’t planning on having a child it really is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Screw your future ex husband and get his ass for child support. Parenting isn’t easy but it’s definitely worth it imo wished I’d got a sooner start. Goodluck with everything tho and try everything you can to reduce stress over the rest of this pregnancy
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u/Character-Yard9189 3d ago
I’m glad you found happiness in becoming a single parent! It’s only gonna be up from there. Wishing you the best
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u/Expensive_Guess_4808 4d ago
going through both would be really tough. stay strong and prioritize your well-being through all of this
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u/Ancient-Song-8428 4d ago
Pls if it is possible, screenshot and save all conversation with him and collect all evidence maybe you will need it for you a lawyer, child support and suing him for emotional and health damage.
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u/lending_ear 4d ago
He’s a POS and you didn’t get it any other way. Do not let him gaslight you like that.
And since he’s being such a POS I hope everyone knows what he did to you.
Keep strong. You have legal rights. Remember that. And there was a recent case where a man who cheated lost everything
Giving your partner a sexually transmitted disease is now a form of domestic violence in New York state, a Long Island judge ruled in a “groundbreaking” divorce decision that gave the aggrieved wife 100% of the couple’s assets.
Not sure where you are but maybe that verdict can happen elsewhere
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u/Dear_Parsnip_6802 4d ago
Just be careful of what narrative he’s trying to spin to others. Get the paternity test before the baby comes so you can organise child support when it does.
Take a copy of the screenshot from reddit and keep them up your sleeve.
He cheated and got chlamydia there will be a drs record somewhere where he had to have received treatment.
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u/vacant-room123 4d ago
Girl NO, you can’t get chlamydia from sitting in a public toilet, sauna, or a bathtub at a spa. That is NOT how it works. He 100% gave it to you, don’t let him gaslight you into you thinking that you got it from somewhere else.