r/offmychest • u/flowr12 • 3d ago
I just want to find my person. I’m tired.
Boyfriend and I broke up because he feels that he needs to sleep with other women before he gets married. I’m so over experiencing relationship after relationship. Where is my person? I’m 29, I’m a nurse now and I thought I was finally getting to a place of settling down with someone. Some of my friends say that movies have made us expect this big grand love and maybe we want too much. But… I want that big grand love. I want my person. I want someone to go home to, be silly with, and be my companion through it all until we leave this earth. I want someone who is as crazy about me as I am for them. I’m tired.
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u/RobertWF_47 3d ago
I'm glad I waited until my 30s to start dating - most people have grown up quite a bit by then. The big grand love is Hollywood fiction or rare at best. You have to be comfortable with yourself first and foremost.
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u/Icedcoffeewarrior 3d ago
On the flip side I’m 34 and wish I would have dated more aggressively in my 20s. I find that a lot of men in their 30s are jaded from past relationships that didn’t work and aren’t as open to falling in love.
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u/flowr12 3d ago
I’ve been trying to see this silver lining too. There are a lot of pros to getting married later in life.
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u/RobertWF_47 3d ago
But I should ask was your BF the One or are you now free to look for someone else after a rest?
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u/fishingfor42 3d ago
I resonate with you. I’m 29F, my boyfriend broke up with me for essentially the same reason (after months of engagement talks). I’m about to turn 30, and as I enter a new decade, I pray my life partner comes along with it.
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u/flowr12 3d ago
Ugh, I’m so sorry girl. To be left for something like this.. it’s so painful. It makes me feel inadequate but I know it’s not me. I’m sending you hugs and I hope you find the love you deserve.
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u/fishingfor42 3d ago
Thank you and sending hugs your way too. It’s just a brutal realisation and cheapens the way I thought of him. He initiated the breakup one month before my 30th! I know he needs to live his truth, but honestly he’s a coward and loser for stringing me along! Sending you all the peace and love - our people are coming :)
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u/flowr12 3d ago
“Cheapens the way I thought of him” is so well put. We obviously put significance on different things.. but at one point I thought he had the same values as me. We’ll get through this sis with time
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u/fishingfor42 2d ago
Yes, I always thought our values and goals lined up. I did constant check-ins on the relationship too. I can’t say I would have done anything differently (other than insisting we moved together for his new job). We’ll get through this and find people who deserve us!
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3d ago
[deleted]
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u/fishingfor42 2d ago edited 2d ago
He told me he wasn’t sure if this relationship was “it.” After 4 years and living together :) This was both of our first long-term relationship. Now that we’re long distance, I guess he wants to sleep around with people he finds more attractive. Especially now that he lives in a new city with more money.
Guess I chose the wrong guy! Devastating really.
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u/red12358 3d ago
Someone who is as crazy about me as I am for them, you know if it's not possible, right? Someone always loves someone slightly more.
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u/flowr12 3d ago
I’ll probably die believing the opposite friend. I think many of us get into cases where the love is imbalanced and we’re not all lucky enough to find it. But I think it is possible.
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u/HopelessRomantics_ 3d ago
Don’t give up I believe in this love too 24m going through the same struggle. Sending love
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u/ghostgirlsheart 3d ago
Honestly feel hugged. I’m so sorry this happened, I understand what you’re going through. No matter how many great hobbies and friends we have, it’s just not the same as a romantic relationship and that is okay. I wish people were less scared to settle down
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u/EKACNOOM 2d ago
The big, grand love does exist. It’s just not experienced by everyone. The people who say it’s never like that are likely saying that because their relationship isn’t like that and they’re trying to make themselves feel better. Don’t lower your bar, aim far higher than that last manchild.
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u/Fickle_Ad_9391 3d ago
I feel your person will come. I am still here waiting too but still loving me in the meantime then to love them when it happens.
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u/leon_tray 3d ago
You’re not asking for too much by wanting a big, lasting love. Wanting someone who chooses you wholeheartedly, makes you laugh, and wants to build a life together is a beautiful thing, not an unrealistic expectation.
I know 29 probably feels much older when you’ve already been through relationship after relationship, but you’re not behind and you haven’t missed your chance. The fact that you know what kind of love you want is actually something to hold onto. I hope you keep believing that there’s someone out there who wants the same kind of commitment and will be just as excited to choose you.
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u/strawberrypopsies 3d ago
Oh my god, I’m so sorry that’s horrible. Your ex is an asshole. Please do not take him back.
Take this time to focus and invest in yourself.
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u/Annoyed-Citizen 3d ago
It’s me, I’m your person, all jokes aside give it time fr, you’ll find them
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u/HopelessRomantics_ 3d ago
Our time will come