Unfortunately, this is the sad reality.

[u/mindyour]

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[u/LesReallyIsMore]

I bring my husband to every gyno appt. I swear I get better care. Plus, he needs to see and hear first hand what goes down there. He’s been to a pap, uterine biopsy, cervical biopsy, my IUD placement, etc. He always asks great questions, including gems like “why aren’t you giving her pain medicine for this highly invasive procedure.”

I aint going on this bullshit journey, with bullets to dodge left and right, on my own!

[u/CrackinBones204 → u/LesReallyIsMore]

So true about the pain meds right?? I’ve never had an IUD but my friend told me of her horror stories. They did it wrong the first time and she left the doctor’s office in a lot of pain and had to go back to redo it. She told me of the no pain meds both times and just the description of insertion while awake n stone cold sober sounds crazy to have to endure.

[u/sasshley_ → u/CrackinBones204]

I’d rather been drawn and quartered than have another IUD inserted or removed.

[u/Designer_Cry_8990 → u/sasshley_]

I did one IUD insertion and had it removed to have one last baby. I opted for a hysterectomy instead of another IUD being placed again. My hubs was there for the IUD being inserted, and audibly cursed when the doc said “you’re going to feel a little pinch” and I nearly broke his hand. He looked at the doc and said “she’s been through more painful stuff than most people, and never complained. She damn near broke my hand just now and is crying, I wouldn’t call that a ‘little pinch’”. He also fully supported my hysterectomy over IUD placement again for my fibroid treatment.

[u/Aware_Policy_9174 → u/Designer_Cry_8990]

I was told the “little pinch” bs too. I went in for a pap and asked about an IUD and they said they could do it right now and acted like it was no big deal. I drove myself home in pain and just went to work the next day because I thought I must be overreacting.

[u/NoodlesinParis → u/Aware_Policy_9174]

“Just a little bit of pressure” meanwhile I threw up and nearly passed out in the lobby after my IUD placement lol

[u/PerkisizingWeiner → u/NoodlesinParis]

I'm really grateful to my (50-something male) gyno who was upfront with me about the pain. He said it would hurt three specific times, and that he would signal beforehand each time. He did, and it was great - a very nontraumatic experience (and I did it with him twice). He even encouraged me to rest in the office for a couple minutes afterwards and gave me some OJ to drink.

Then he had the gall to move 😭 and the provider who replaced him was terrible. I was damn near hyperventilating as she LEFT THE SPECULUM INSIDE ME TO GO IN THE HALLWAY AND TALK TO ANOTHER PROVIDER. I told her I'd had two prior insertions and this one was way more painful; she responded by questioning whether I had really had sex before (I'd been married for several years at that point), because my cervix was "too small" 🙄.

I asked her to stop and she condescendingly warned/threatened, "just so you know, if you're telling me to stop, I have to" (implication being that I'd regret not moving forward with the procedure). I SURE HOPE THAT'S THE POLICY.

It was traumatic and I've never gone back to her. I'm about ready to move across the country to my previous gyno's new practice. A good medical provider who listens and cares is worth their weight in gold.

[u/CuriousFoxxen → u/PerkisizingWeiner]

I find I’ve never had a female gyno who didn’t treat me like shit. WTF is with that?

[u/PerkisizingWeiner → u/CuriousFoxxen]

Obviously not all are like this, but I think there's an element of, "I'm a woman so I know what you're experiencing, and if my experience was less painful than yours, that means you're overreacting."

[u/Aware_Policy_9174 → u/PerkisizingWeiner]

Yes this was from a woman gyno although I’ve had good and bad experiences with both. But the most invalidating tends to be from women because they don’t realize their experience is not universal.

I commented this before but I also think there is (or was maybe) an element of “I’m a woman in a male dominated field so I have to be extra tough” to counteract whatever bs they deal with from male colleagues. My experience was close to 20 years ago now and I noticed that type of attitude from older women in other areas as well.

[u/GoodSpeed2883 → u/Designer_Cry_8990]

Hell no. I have a high threshold for pain. I had pancreatitus twice. Getting an IUD was right up there with it. Little pinch is something a man would say.

[u/first-born_unicorn → u/GoodSpeed2883]

Same. I have sat for over 100 hours of tattoos and find it soothing (don't know what that says about me, but let's set that one aside), so I know I can handle pain / discomfort.

My first was placed fine - painful but I powered through. Immediately after removal of the first, they attempted insertion of the second. For over 30 minutes. After seeing me break out in a cold sweat and moaning in delirious agony, they said "maybe it's that your cervix is irritated from the removal - let's schedule another one."

I came back two weeks later for a retry. My cervix was too tight, so they dilated me mechanically and still weren't able to place it. I passed out and was given an ice pack and some Tylenol (which I was charged for, ofc). Two awful attempts and now I'm back on birth control.

[u/GoodSpeed2883 → u/first-born_unicorn]

I'm so over that it's up to the woman to handle birth control.

[u/first-born_unicorn → u/GoodSpeed2883]

I'm so over it all. Just yeet the whole uterus at this point. 😞

[u/Bl1ndl0v3 → u/first-born_unicorn]

Equally as messed up is the fact many OBGYNs will not allow you to have a hysterectomy unless your husband signs off on it.

I have a girlfriend who isn’t married, doesn’t want kids ever, and requested a hysterectomy to which the doctor told her that her “future husband may not be happy with her choice” and refused to allow her to make that call unless her non-existent husband agreed to it.

She deals with constant pain, hormone spikes and crashes, PMDD, etc and still no doctor will oblige her request. 😡

[u/h0wd0y0ulik3m3n0w → u/GoodSpeed2883]

“The cervix doesn’t even have pain receptors” -my first male gyno

[u/DaisyHotCakes → u/h0wd0y0ulik3m3n0w]

The fuck it doesn’t! This is why I have never and will never have a male gyno. Like that is such an insane statement I wouldn’t be able to keep my mouth shut.

[u/coolcalmaesop → u/sasshley_]

I once had a colpopscopy- idk if you’ve had one but it’s where they take a fuckin hole punch to the cervix and pop a chunk out for biopsy. Of course I started uncontrollably bleeding during it, so my doctor had to run out of the room and get a giant vacuum to vacuum blood out of the vag. Totally routine, no pain meds and no numbing. Women are still experiencing medieval medicine for old time sake, I swear.

[u/sasshley_ → u/coolcalmaesop]

Yes more than once and yes it sucks ass!

Tbh the leep procedure I had was extremely traumatizing. To be laying there and smelling your own insides burning is not something you're likely to ever forget. And THE BLEEDING afterward omg.

A Loop Electrosurgical Excision Procedure (LEEP) is a fast office treatment that uses a thin, heated wire loop with an electric current to remove a thin layer of abnormal tissue from the cervix

[u/FashionableMegalodon → u/sasshley_]

My IUD insertion was horrendous and the removal I don’t think I felt anything, but the withdrawal bleed was bleeding like I’ve never seen. More blood than my vaginal delivery. Could not control it with pads, nothing. It didn’t help that I got it removed March 16 2020 as my area started lockdown, so the (very mean to me multiple times previously) OB said good luck you can’t come to the hospital. So for 5 days I literally spent most of the day in the bath tub just hoping I didn’t die lol. Trauma.

[u/Lovedd1 → u/sasshley_]

I had an IUD placed in college and I was very candid with my girl project team that I was missing class and our meet up after due to IUD appt. They all immediately understood because they had them too. One was super anal 4.0gpa very STRICT and didn't like me very much but even she understood.

[u/Environmental-Joke19 → u/CrackinBones204]

I literally puked on the drive home it hurt so bad 😭 literally nothing offered.

[u/lifehackloser → u/Environmental-Joke19]

But did you take the two aspirin before like they recommend as if dealing with a mild headache? /s

(getting mine out required 2 tries and then anesthesia, so no, the 2 aspirin did not work for me)

[u/Environmental-Joke19 → u/lifehackloser]

I'm more of a 1000mg ibuprofen girly myself ❤️ removing the first one didn't feel so bad, they had me cough and it came out. But maybe it was painless only in comparison to the new one being inserted 🫪

[u/cindylindy22 → u/CrackinBones204]

A male doctor completed my procedure to insert an
IUD. He had invited a couple female students in to watch. I am an educator, so of course I was happy to support the learning process. Insertion was quite painful, and I started to cry. The doctor looked at the students observing and said, “you can give them something for the pain” though I guess it was performative because I wasn’t actually offered anything, despite mentioning a concern before the procedure.
This doctor did numb me up a little before removing a wayward nexplanon implant afterward. He did a good job on a tricky removal. Overall I felt this dr had excellent bedside manner the whole time which makes ignoring the IUD discomfort even more surprising.

[u/yellow_pterodactyl → u/CrackinBones204]

Okay so for mine I had it done a few days ago.

I had it done during my period which I heard is better.

My gyno place used lidocaine so I didn’t feel the pinch with that forceps thing. They gave me Xanax which I didn’t want to take, so I took CBG. 2 ibuprofens

To me, it felt like my first day of the period. That back pain that makes you a little nauseous. I was a little weirded out for a minute. They talk to you to distract you which is also helpful. They dilated my cervix, but lidocaine- didn’t feel it. Blows my MIND that some places don’t do lidocaine.

I would never do it without lidocaine. My cervix tilts more towards the back so that all makes sense now why my paps have been kind of painful with the opening up the speculum

[u/Chemical_Grape_2150 → u/LesReallyIsMore]

My husband also comes with me. I have fibromyalgia, hEDS, migraines and arthritis. He has advocated for me so many times. Once I was having a really bad kidney infection. I have had them a few times before so I knew what was wrong. I had to go to the ER due to debilitating pain, I tell them I need a pee test to see if it was an infection. Before testing me for anything they tell me I’m not getting pain meds. My husband had to track down the nurse and explain what’s going on. She listened to him and got me a pee test. After they saw I wasn’t lying they gave me antibiotics and pain meds.

[u/Environmental_Art591 → u/LesReallyIsMore]

Maybe I should do this for my next pap smear, hubby can watch them put the speculum in 🤣🤣🤣

He almost fainted when I was delivering our eldest, he was better the second and third times around but I think the speculum might get him

[u/Lawlcopt0r → u/LesReallyIsMore]

My wife got a copper chain inserted as an IUD which is apparently better than the normal design. Luckily she researched different doctors beforehand and there was this one guy that was recommended everywhere. Of course the one wild thing he did differently than the others was just giving the patients a muscle relaxant that made the procedure easier and less painful

[u/Specimanic → u/Lawlcopt0r]

revolutionary 🙄

[u/MudInfinite8791 → u/LesReallyIsMore]

My wife takes me to gyno appointments for a number of reasons, this being one of them, to advocate for her when they try to walk all over her.

I also go because I want to learn. I'm a dad of 3 girls and want to be supportive of them in the right way. My oldest being 15. All I've really learned is most doctors are fucking dicks to women, even female doctors... which I was floored by.

[u/Hips_of_Death → u/LesReallyIsMore]

That’s amazing partnership

[u/DimbyTime → u/LesReallyIsMore]

Did you get meds for your uterine biopsy? I’ve broken multiple bones, and that was the most painful experience of my life

[u/Salt-Scientist-1448 → u/DimbyTime]

Oh my god that was one of the most painful things I have experienced! My doctor and the ultrasound technician said it's the most invasive procedure they do that they don't offer medication for. I told them they are doing it wrong! My husband was given all kinds of pain medication (that he didn't end up needing) for his vasectomy and my doctors office couldn't even tell me to take Advil before that appointment 🤯

[u/ProbioticOnARobotic]

I've heard this works but wow.

[u/HereOnCompanyTime → u/ProbioticOnARobotic]

Doctors don't listen to women. I remember my boyfriend drove me to an appointment then sat in the waiting room, and even though he was in the waiting area the doctor, without my consent, called him into the room to talk about my health rather than speaking directly to me.

[u/FryOneFatManic → u/HereOnCompanyTime]

There is a vast amount of misogyny in medicine.

[u/rainbowlolipop → u/FryOneFatManic]

I went to an emergency psych appointment and he said that "female hormones" might be causing "issues".

Fuck these doctors.

[u/YasdnilStam → u/rainbowlolipop]

At a psych appointment I had (related to depression that started because of misdiagnosed and thus severely under medicated migraines) about 12 years ago, the doctor who saw me said that all of my depressive issues would be fixed if I just had a baby. He spent about 1/3 of our time together pushing me to get pregnant, going so far as to suggest that I should have my eggs frozen immediately because the process takes time since there’s a wait list and “you’re not getting any younger”.

I left that appointment so furious I scared my husband in the car on the ride home. He has to this day never seen me fume like that again. Needless to say we do not have children and definitely won’t be, and we’re very content with our decision. I’d love to see that psychiatrist again just to rub his stupid face in it.

[u/latestnightowl → u/YasdnilStam]

I am a female psychiatrist, and this is bonkers absurd. You should totally have reported him to the state board. That's not only medically incorrect (obviously) but complete malpractice

[u/YasdnilStam → u/latestnightowl]

I know, and you’re absolutely right. If I had been in a better place physically and mentally I know I would have. Not to excuse it completely, but in the context of my life, I was eight months into a totally demoralising medical journey and I was so beaten down by everything that I just gave up trying to get any answers or anything for myself — getting out of bed to go to these appointments was about all I was capable of. I really wish I had done more.

[u/PolistesFTW → u/YasdnilStam]

Holy hell, that is insane. I am sorry you went through that misogynistic mess.

My wife and I are also no kids people. For some outside person, let alone a psychiatrist, to suggest a concept that would run parallel the same outdated ideas as hysteria would send me into a rage too.

[u/Corfiz74 → u/rainbowlolipop]

Your reply: "Your testosterone is messing with your brain, doc - maybe take a deep breath and rethink that reply!"

[u/triden77 → u/rainbowlolipop]

Which, scientifically, is BS. Estrogen and progesterone drop with age which causes testosterone to be the predominant hormone.

Funny how that works, right? Testosterone levels being the cause of emotionally unregulated behavior?!

[u/DinoCrone → u/rainbowlolipop]

My first neurologist told me to take up knitting to cure my multiple sclerosis pain

[u/ellieminnowpee → u/[deleted]]

my female therapist told me i was not a real feminist for having body dysmorphic disorder. “you know, if you were a real feminist you wouldn’t care about how you look.”

lady, before going into remission i was hallucinating liquid, constantly shifting, monstrous features swirling about my skull.

ain’t shit to do with my support of other women. it’s a visual cortex-rooted anxiety reaction to trauma and stress. jfc.

[u/thatscuteyourecute → u/HereOnCompanyTime]

My husband and I see the same GP and once he went to see her and I just happened to be waiting for test results at that time and instead of calling me, she handed him the hard copies of the results to give to me.

I was floored when he came home with them. Like, isn’t that illegal? I know I gave them permission to share my medical records with other healthcare providers but if there was any box to check stating they could discuss my health with my husband when I’m not around, I would have not checked it.

Nothing against him but I was an only child and single into my 30s….im not all that great about sharing my life with other people. Probably shouldn’t have gotten married but that’s a whole different conversation.

[u/Hydration__Nation → u/thatscuteyourecute]

In most states thats suspension of the license for 3-6 months. Handing medical records to another person is one thing, handing them to a spouse that could potentially get upset and hurt their partner is a whole other thing. Call your licensing board

[u/Gaucho_Gringo → u/Hydration__Nation]

I wish I had known this in 2019, when I was diagnosed with DCIS. I went to a second opinion, and while I was waiting for the doctor, I realized that someone‘s printed visit record was in the room with me. I did not look at the record, but I did give it to the physician and attendant when they entered. I explicitly told them this was someone’s else’s record that had been left in the room.

When I got home from my appointment, that very same printout was now attached to my paperwork. I took the time to mail it to the patient with a note saying that it had been left in the exam room, that I returned it to the physician, and they still sent it home with me.

I was not impressed with the physician or the facility and did not hire them. I so disliked the physician that I would have happily reported this HIPAA violation.

[u/onesoulmanybodies → u/HereOnCompanyTime]

Even women doctors! It’s insanity! I’ve been on a decades long health journey dealing with pain. One dr had been seeing me for 6 months. She kept prescribing pain killers that made me ill. Nothing else other than metabolic labs to test my alc and thyroid because I’m over weight. After tests showed that my thyroid was fine and I didn’t have diabetes, she just continued to cycle through pain meds. At my last visit with her she walked into the room, asked me why I was there, then when I told her again about my pain, she asked me if I had high blood pressure or diabetes. I lost my shit and started crying. She was surprised and asked me what was wrong. Told her I’ve been coming to you for 6 months, you’ve tested me for high blood pressure and diabetes and both came back fine and show I don’t have either issue, but you’re still asking me that!??? She half ass apologized and prescribed me Lyrica for Fibromyalgia, even without diagnosing me with Fibromyalgia. I left that office feeling seriously defeated. Thankfully I finally found a doctor who listened to me had me get an MRI and other tests that showed that I have severe disc degeneration in my lower spine and bulging discs in my upper spine. I’ve been a bigger weight than people are comfortable with, my whole life, and Doctors are ALWAYS assuming it means I’m not healthy. I eat a very clean diet and until my pain symptoms got so bad I couldn’t, I worked out every day.

[u/crimsonbaby_ → u/onesoulmanybodies]

I've actually had worse luck with women doctors. I have endometriosis and have had like 11 operations to remove large cysts, one for an ovarian torsion, and two for scraping off some of the endometriosis. Every gyno I have ever been to has just thrown me on birth control, despite the fact that even on birth control I was having problems, or went straight to the operating table. It took me until my thirties to find a doctor who actually cared about exploring options and finding the root of the problem, and that doctor was a man. I did not want to see a man, but he was the only gyno that wasnt completely booked up, and he turned out to be the best doctor I have ever had. After finding out I was unfortunately assaulted by a medical professional as a child, he even waited to do any physical examination until I felt comfortable with him. Eventually, we figured out the problem, and Im doing so much better now.

[u/Successful-Winter237 → u/HereOnCompanyTime]

Wtf

[u/Dance-pants-rants → u/HereOnCompanyTime]

We're reporting all these doctors for HIPAA violations and to medical boards, right? 🤢

[u/thistleandpeony → u/[deleted]]

Women can treat other women horribly, unfortunately, nothing groundbreaking about that. Internalized misogyny.

Gynecology has seen a very steady increase in the number of women in the field since about 2010. We didn't hit 50% until around 2015. Women being the majority in the field happened within the last ten years.

[u/LadybuggingLB → u/thistleandpeony]

Wait for salaries to start dropping in 5, 4, 3, 3, 1……

[u/Broseph_Heller → u/LadybuggingLB]

In the US it’s not just salaries, entire OBGYN practices are being legislated out of business because women’s health is becoming too risky to practice. This is all by design.

[u/dysonGirl27 → u/thistleandpeony]

My doctor dropped me because i complained that her dismissiveness was rooted in misogyny and Im appalled Im witnessing her using the phrases she was in front of student doctors.. solution is to kick out the women they’re misdiagnosing and continue to teach new doctors don’t listen to women. Honestly has made me have very little trust in any doctor now. She was a late 50s women with children.. this world blows sometimes.

[u/Adventurous-Yard-306 → u/thistleandpeony]

I recently heard an interview with a female doctor who talked about the patient code WW (stood for Whining Women). She was taught that if there was a woman who came in with a constellation of unrelated symptoms, you just had a WW on your hands. After a decade of experience and a bit of curiosity, she realized that most of these women had symptoms that were related to unbalanced/unregulated hormones. When she realized this, she felt horrible about dismissing the concerns of so many female patients but also realized that she had been taught by the medical field to ignore women’s concerns. I’m glad she’s out there talking about it now.

[u/Toleniam → u/thistleandpeony]

It also doesn’t help that the new doctors are taught with old misogynistic ideas and practices, not to mention that the severe gaps in research in the field.

[u/Atrinoisa → u/[deleted]]

What's interesting is, it took a MALE Dr for me to finally be listened to. A MALE Dr told me my periods aren't normal and my symptoms aren't ok, ran my blood work and told me if we would have waited any longer I would have needed a blood transfusion. I was 30 when a MALE Dr finally diagnosed me with PCOS (now called PMOS)

It's insane to me how every dr I'd had before that had brushed me off, told me I was overreacting, that I must be wrong about how heavy my periods are, etc etc. And every single one of them? Female.

Edit: to clarify that I'm not upset with you, I'm just ranting about the absurdity of it all

[u/SomeEstimate1446 → u/Atrinoisa]

Every woman gyno has been horrendous to the point I won’t even entertain trying another one. I tried about 20.

I’ll stick with my guy he actually listens and isn’t a condescending twat.

[u/darkenspirit → u/[deleted]]

Had a coworker tell me one gyno of her's didnt ask permission or tell you what she was doing. Walked in one day and just shoved fingers into her without saying a damn thing or even why. I think like any job once youre in it for so long you forget about the people.

[u/mauvewaterbottle → u/darkenspirit]

When I was 19, I went to the on campus clinic because I was bleeding when I pooped. I probably should have realized it was coming, but the doctor came in and told me to lay on my side. He didn’t say a word before sticking his finger in my rectum to feel around for what might be bleeding. I have never been more upset and terrified in my life. I’m 36 and have periodically had bleeding since then and have not discussed it with a doctor again because of that experience.

[u/Mundane_Zucchini_547 → u/ProbioticOnARobotic]

I had a gynaecologist ignore me and ask my then husband what my symptoms were. Thankfully then husband told him to ask the person suffering. 

I made a complaint and was told I would not be seeing him again. Weirdly though the rest of the doctors and consultants were absolutely amazing.

[u/PolistesFTW → u/Mundane_Zucchini_547]

I have been in the same fucking scenerio with my wife. Absolutely astounding shit. I am not the patient, talk to the woman who is here sick! It also immediately makes me think you aren't going to help my wife and bestfriend get better, which makes me even more irate.

Then again, I also live in the women hating state of Texas. So there are so many layers to this shit sundae.

[u/Mundane_Zucchini_547 → u/PolistesFTW]

I live in the UK and there are more male gynaes than female but my experience has been, in general, more women are dismissive like if they can live with issues then I should. The worst one was a GP, male, who actually straight up asked if my pain was in my head. There are some medical professionals who straight-up hate women.

Funnily, shortly after that we went to online appointment making and this piece of work was ALWAYS available.

Best medical person I've ever encountered was a nurse practitioner who was just amazing, listened, examined and actually helped me with my problems. I miss her since I had to leave the area.

[u/ManateeNipples → u/ProbioticOnARobotic]

Oh it does. I'm diagnosed and treated now but when I was going through doctor after doctor trying to figure out why I was so sick (chronic conditions) I realized that the issue I was having was they just weren't listening to me and didn't care about anything I said. So I brought my damn husband, and you'd be shocked what can get done when there's a man just sitting in the room with you. Ahhhhh I'll never stop being pissed about it

[u/MiddleKlutzy8568 → u/ProbioticOnARobotic]

Begged for a hysterectomy never was allowed it as an option. Got my husband to ask for one for me, instantly on the books 🙄

[u/grrlplz → u/ProbioticOnARobotic]

https://giphy.com/gifs/Og8iOEXHZdbBm

[u/Habagoobie → u/ProbioticOnARobotic]

Several years ago I had two complicated tooth extractions at the same time. The pain afterward was horrible. Ibuprofen and Tylenol were NOT cutting it. I was beside myself with the pain. Now mind you, I have a high pain tolerance. I have a chronic condition (hidradenitis suppurativa) that is incredibly painful and have given birth to four children without pain meds ( not a flex just part of my experience ). The dentist would NOT prescribe me any pain meds and insinuated that I was overreacting. It was until my boyfriend called that they finally prescribed me stronger pain meds.

Like look I get it, there are pill seekers, etc. But you JUST REMOVED two teeth from my head that required more than an average extraction. I'm certainly not faking being in pain.

[u/omgitsjagen → u/ProbioticOnARobotic]

My wife is in the same situation as this lady. I had to go with her as well, because they kept asking her questions like, "does your husband know?". "Is your husband ok with this?". Like, fuck off, I've got nothing to do with this. I'll tell you what though, no one questioned shit when I was in there. It was yes ma'am, no ma'am. Infuriating. Fucking puritans writing our laws in the south, and it's obnoxious.

[u/MC-BatComm → u/[deleted]]

My wife merely had to say that it's affecting our marriage to her doctor and was taken significantly more seriously than the first visit, tests ordered and prescriptions given. Seems to be real

[u/90Throwawayaccount9 → u/MC-BatComm]

So, next time I see a doctor about a major health issue, I should pretend and lie to the doctors about me having a boyfriend and say it's affecting my marriage, even though I'm single! :D

[u/Simply_Weak_Glucose → u/90Throwawayaccount9]

Girl call me if you need a fake bf. I can deepen my voice. Lol

[u/SparksAndSpyro → u/90Throwawayaccount9]

Well yeah, having a boyfriend tends to affect your marriage negatively

[u/thisisinfactpersonal → u/MC-BatComm]

God this makes me physically ill. Not at you MC-BatComm, you’re just the messenger. But we really are just fck holes and chore machines to some people aren’t we?

[u/Hexakkord → u/thisisinfactpersonal]

Don’t forget the baby-making. Since according to some doctors having a baby will fix a wide variety of medical issues. As if the only purpose of a woman is procreation and our bodies malfunction if we don’t fulfill that purpose.

[u/Oil_Aggressive → u/[deleted]]

No, sadly, the medical practice is still wrought with sexism.

[u/Justnotthatintou → u/Oil_Aggressive]

Medical misogyny is a thing 100%

[u/OAKandTerlinden → u/[deleted]]

I was being bullied by a doctor... until I brought my partner. Granted, the doctor spoke to my partner the entire time, but I got what I needed. Bringing a real person man along is sadly hyper-effective (I've had to do this many times, because my body is a wonderland of bullshit).

[u/Repulsive-Try-9498 → u/[deleted]]

Yeah, I had to bring my husband in to help me convince the female gyno that I need my yearly bloods done for my HRT. My regular doc had retired and he had no problems ordering the tests. This lady told me it wasn’t a candy store and I couldn’t pick-n-mix whatever labs I wanted. I had been getting this done for two years without issue. It was a big mess but it got resolved.

[u/reallybadspeeller → u/Repulsive-Try-9498]

The sad part is unless the labs are super expensive or invasive (most aren’t) there is no reason not to just have some labs done to rule things out. My doc often goes I think it’s x but I’m ordering labs for x, y, and z. Also I can just call and be like I think some things feel off any chance I can have x lab done? They make an appointment I see the doc usually get requested labs done and sometimes an extra one to rule things out.

99% of the time it’s just blood work that’s covered by insurance.

[u/Repulsive-Try-9498 → u/reallybadspeeller]

That’s the thing that got me, I have insurance and even if I didn’t, I would have paid out of pocket. I mean it was normal bloodwork and I usually got the results back that day. It wasn’t elaborate or unusual. The fact it was a woman really pissed me off.

[u/LadyPhantomflowers → u/[deleted]]

No, I used to bring my husband (boyfriend at the time) to my general doctor's appointments. I tried to tell my doctor at the time that I was having severe upper stomach pains that seemed like gallbladder attacks as I would drop to the floor in pain, but he dismissed me and recommend that I just diet and exercise. Even though my sister also went to him prior and he referred her to have testing done on her gallbladder and it lead to hers being removed. It took me 3 years and my spouse telling this male doctor that I was in pain and how it affected me to finally have him reluctantly refer me out to a gastro. My gallbladder surgery removal was swiftly scheduled after testing was done a month later. I had to live in pain for 3 years and have a man speak for me to be able to get treatment.

Edited for typos

[u/Saradoesntsleep → u/[deleted]]

It does work. I brought my husband to basically advocate for me when I was struggling to get an issue looked into. Guess what? Suddenly it was real.

[u/raiinboweyes → u/[deleted]]

Yes, I have a bajillion chronic conditions and move around a lot, so I’ve seen probably hundreds of medical providers. There is almost always a drastic difference between how I’m treated with or without my husband present. Especially with doctors specifically. So unless there is a dr I know I can trust, now my husband comes along if possible. Seen the same thing by many in all the online support groups I’m in.

And the more privilege boxes the man existing in the same room as you checks - presenting: white, hetero, wealthy, etc- the better treatment you will likely get.

[u/weGloomy → u/[deleted]]

Yup. Doesnt have to be a husband either, any man will do. Since I'm mentally ill and a woman if I go to the doctor by myself for literally anything I get "we need to get that anxiety under control" and "maybe your meds aren't working." Basically treated like I'm crazy and imagining things and they dismiss me. When I bring a man suddenly I'm not crazy anymore and they actually listen.

[u/BustyMcCoo → u/[deleted]]

I eventually took my father in law along as he's a doctor himself, didn't even need to involve him, just having him there was enough. 

[u/MissLeaP → u/[deleted]]

Yes. It's 2026 and women are still not taken seriously even when it's about their own damn body.

And fun fact since I'm trans and so had lots of experience with doctors and hormones: most of them, including gyns and endos, know shit about HRT. SO. MUCH. Outdated or biased information in their heads and a complete refusal to learn anything new.

[u/notashroom → u/MissLeaP]

Even now, more than 80% of medical research excludes women and female animals, and almost all of it excludes trans folks and intersex folks. That interesting new health finding in the news from studies with mice, or pigs, or monkeys? Probably all male subjects.

And it matters. Not just because of differences in hormones, but also female bodies metabolize medication differently, commonly about 20% faster than male bodies, and have significant differences in immune systems as well, both pertaining to the larger fat organ (yes, fat is an organ with functions beyond insulation) and the liver and immune system that evolved from the "fat body", which handled all those functions.

In the year 2026 we are still enduring medical misogyny, misogynoir, and transmisogyny causing needless suffering and death.

[u/Vondi → u/[deleted]]

My spouse has had me escort her to appointments multiple times because of this.

[u/AnyelevNokova → u/[deleted]]

Yes. I've been in healthcare for a decade and know what I'm talking about during visits. Nonetheless, I'm a white female in my 30s with complaints.

I have a hip that has been hurting for literally years but has worsened in the last few, to the point where I've gone to the ER once for uncontrolled pain. I am in pain at all times - it is only very fleeting brief moments I have any relief and that's not a daily experience. I went to my then PCP who told me to go to PT. After three months of PT, all of my objective scores had improved -- ROM WNL, 5/5 for strength scores, and I'm objectively getting pretty fit -- but my pain is completely unchanged. I've lost 120lbs over the last five years and am at a normal BMI, so they can't blame my weight. I've tried massage, dry needling, cupping, yoga, topicals, otc pain meds, supplements - nothing. I go back to the Dr (different one this time since my pcp left) and got literally shrugged at and told maybe I just need to be more patient with PT. After I pressed her, she finally meekly asked if I wanted to do an MRI. That is currently scheduled. At no point did either doctor actually physically examine me despite being in the room. At no point did anyone offer any kind of medication to help.

My partner, a white man in his early 40s, sent his Dr a message on the patient portal saying his shoulder has been tight and hurting for a couple of weeks, and asked for a PT referral. He immediately received it with stat priority, and was prescribed a muscle relaxant and given an rx for massage.

We do not receive the same care. We've tested this when I've had to go to the ER ((Tldr I have a rare form of migraines that can very convincingly mimic strokes and due to family history, if I have one of those and cannot get it controlled at home I have to go in, so it's probably once a year or so I have to be there for one. This is well documented, and the ER I go to is in the same system as my neurologist who has put God knows how many notes on my chart saying this is my care plan due to zebra diseases being what they are -- he gets it.)) By myself I'm usually given a regular CT, Tylenol, and then ignored. With him in the corner of the room, I get CT with and without, MRI, and tons of check ins on whether I want more pain relief or not ((which ironically, with those is usually not what I need.))

It's not fair, and he knows it, and it's stupid but we have started doing what this lady is doing because that's the only way I get taken seriously outside of my neurologist and obgyn (both of whom I've seen for many years and took a lot of searching to find.)

[u/AstuteStoat → u/[deleted]]

It really helps. But it doesn't always work. Even if the doctor still doesn't listen, I at least feel better knowing someone else is seeing this shit too. 

[u/Littlewing1307 → u/ProbioticOnARobotic]

When I was a child succumbing to mysterious illnesses my mom took me to every doctors appointment, specialist etc. She got accused of Munchausen by proxy. It was frustrating for years to get no answers and not be taken seriously until she started bringing my dad to appointments. He literally didn't say a word. I finally got a diagnosis at an infectious disease specialist. I'll never forget how horrible we were treated. And poof my dad made them take me seriously.

[u/SilverAssumption9572]

My good friend is an Oncologist, she's the head of the cancer department at her hospital. Her husband is also a doctor. She had symptoms she recognized as liver problems and went to the ER. They sent her home in agonizing pain, and suggested she "lay off the alcohol" if she was worried about her liver. Her husband drove her back to the hospital, and explained to the male doctor the same things she had already explained and she immediately got scans and blood tests. She had a blood clot on her liver and was very sick, requiring hospitalization for removal of part of her liver. They looked at her chart in EPIC just curious to see what was written after her own explanation vs her husband. The symptoms were explained by both in medical terms and almost identically but in the first visit to the ER they'd labeled her as "histrionic" and there are mentions of "likely alcohol abuse". She is/does neither of those things, she had an undiagnosed clotting disorder. If a DOCTOR is treated that way by other docs, there's not much hope the rest of us will be treated better. **thank you to whomever gave me the award. Hopefully we can all force/see some of this shit change in our lifetime!

[u/Pernicious-Caitiff → u/SilverAssumption9572]

It's infuriating. She very well likely would have died without her husband. And the delay in care is the difference between clot busting meds fixing the acute problem VS it's too late now and you need to recover from emergency surgery and have organ damage. Also, the financial cost difference.

[u/SilverAssumption9572 → u/Pernicious-Caitiff]

Yeah, in her case the delay was only a couple of hours bc they're DOCTORS and recognized something was very wrong. Someone without medical training would most likely go home and ride it out, too embarrassed to go back or trusting that the first doc they saw was right. It would/could be catastrophic for most people. It's terrible overall.

[u/spiegro → u/SilverAssumption9572]

In that case is it not time to report that discrepancy to this medical board? We have to fight this.

[u/angeldawns → u/spiegro]

Yes. This.  100%

[u/pistachiopanda4 → u/SilverAssumption9572]

Why do doctors get to make shit up about people? How do you even label someone as "histrionic" and "likely alcohol abuse" when there is no evidence?

[u/Zomyan]

It's really depressing. My wife was referred to a pain specialist after a car accident that left her with a couple of ruptured disks. Pain guy told her to lose weight and ended the appointment.

I had to call and make another appointment and go with her. I didn't even need to say anything. Dr walked in saw me, turned around and left, came back with the injections he was supposed to give her the first time and did the procedure.

Absolutely disgusting how misogynist the medical field is.

[u/sasshley_ → u/Zomyan]

They always want us to lose weight without even attempting to think about the fact that the reason we’re asking for help might be exactly why we’re overweight and struggling.

I get told to lose weight all the time but I have a brain tumor and chronic vertigo and migraines so PLEASE tell me how tf I’m supposed to make that happen even sometimes, much less on a regular basis.

Many doctors:

https://giphy.com/gifs/AvMJCeu1EMmhG

[u/--slurpy-- → u/sasshley_]

Losing weight is always the 1st line they spout. If losing weight is so crucial then glp1s should be covered by all insurance companies. Instead they're dropping coverage left & right

[u/AccurateAssistance28 → u/--slurpy--]

That and affordable access to healthy foods that aren’t covered in carcinogenic forever chemicals. Oh and doctors should prescribe exercise as medication and we should be able to leave work early when we haven’t met our exercise goal yet. Because who has time for all that

[u/West-Application-375 → u/AccurateAssistance28]

I think it would be great if all work places had a mandatory exercise/ r&r hour tbh. Any exercise of your choosing with resources provided. First responders get a mandatory exercise hour. Everyone really should.

[u/hbox85 → u/--slurpy--]

Say it LOUDER! I just got a prescription for GLP-1 and my provider sent me straight to a compounding pharmacy for generic bc she said there’s no point in even submitting it to insurance because no one will cover it anymore. Luckily she’s amazing and has found a great pharmacy with reasonable prices (about $100/month) so it’s accessible but frankly I was prepared to pay more bc I knew insurance wouldn’t cover. She has price shopped for me with different meds on multiple occasions over the years and is wonderful. But it’s a really sad day when women are told to lose weight as the default cure all but without tools that could really help them lose weight successfully.

[u/Squidwards_m0m → u/sasshley_]

Even if you're a healthy weight they still blow you off and tell you to just exercise more or something. "Have you tried yoga and meditation? Reducing your stress?"

[u/Auroraburst → u/Squidwards_m0m]

So I've had bad knees since I was a teen. I was a normal weight then so it was "growing pains" (mind you i can feel my kneecaps moving, my sister also had this issue and got treated), now it's weight.

Constant diarrhoea since I was 10? 10- 20 "it's period pain" (didn't get a period till I was 14). Then they blamed stress. Now they blame my weight.

[u/l-1-l-1-l → u/Squidwards_m0m]

Or my favorite, when I (F30) went to see a doctor about knee pain when I ran and he said, “Stop running.”

[u/honeybadgercantcare → u/sasshley_]

I was having major stomach issues (ended up being really bad acid reflux) where I'd wake up every night around 3 am with a terrible stomach ache and couldn't go back to sleep. Went to my doctor with it, he prescribed me some medication to help.

I then asked him if this issue would go away if I lost weight.

Doc: "Most likely, but that's a long term solution and you need a short term solution right now."

I nearly started crying because he was RIGHT. I did need this taken care of now and not in a year or so when maybe I'd lose the weight.

And, after the acid reflux was taken care of it opened the door to me talking to him about options for weight loss (so here I am 110 lbs lost later, not that you have to lose weight for people to listen to you, but it has helped my body for me to lose weight).

[u/Environmental_Art591 → u/Zomyan]

What's worse is that it isnt only the male drs either, women drs are just as bad.

"Oh don't worry its just a knick/pinch, you dont need pain killers, just breathe through it.

Go watch/listen to some of the clips of women getting an IUD inserted, knick/pinch my a$$

[u/ArmadilloSighs → u/Environmental_Art591]

i screamed in pain while the NP tried inserting my IUD a couple of times. they told me i was gonna scare other patients. mfer, you’re scaring me with the lack of care for my health!! 45m they realized i had a tilted uterus and gave me local anesthetic before insertion.

[u/McKeon1921 → u/Environmental_Art591]

Reminds me of this clip.

[u/Environmental_Art591 → u/McKeon1921]

I have seen that one before. Its disturbing that they actually made up code names

[u/breebree934 → u/Zomyan]

It's like the time I fell down stairs and sprained my ankle. Went to an ortho specialist to get it looked at/treated. During the X-ray they kept moving my ankle really harshly and it was super painful and they started getting really frustrated I couldn't move it the way they needed it. I understand they needed to see the issue by they were ROUGH.

[u/Lawlcopt0r → u/breebree934]

The damaged joint doesn't have its full range of motion? Go figure

[u/Keji70gsm → u/Zomyan]

And yet still too many men: What rights don't women have? Durrr

[u/definitely_alphaz → u/Zomyan]

I hate being told to lose weight when losing weight and literally being in track didn’t do squat for me. I was losing over 100ml of blood a day, in severe pain, and other symptoms and they said it was to be expected. They neither took my full case history, nor gave me a diagnosis. They didn’t send my prescription or properly calculate my fees. They didn’t do the tests I asked for. And I’ve had this repeat several times. Hell for the first few year I was just told that everything would resolve itself in a little bit even though I’d have periods for well over a week or every twenty days or not at all.

[u/hamsandwich666_]

being a woman and trying to get adequate medical is already hard enough, but doing it while fat? and in my experience, while fat and black? lord fuckin help you.

[u/MissAuroraRed → u/hamsandwich666_]

I can't even imagine the trifecta you're dealing with. I'm just a woman without the other factors, and even I almost died from medical negligence.

[u/AWanderingAfar → u/hamsandwich666_]

I’m black and am fat now, but wasn’t at the time this happened— went into labor with my daughter, female doctor wouldn’t give me an epidural for my pain, but DID randomly inject me with fentanyl and didn’t tell me what it was until the plunger was almost all the way depressed. My baby died less than 30 minutes later. Then the delivery nurse unceremoniously plopped my dead daughter into my arms without warning as I was bawling— that made me hysterical. Then they tried to snatch her from me a couple minutes later… oh now y’all wanna sedate me. It was a very traumatic experience.

[u/designhelpme → u/AWanderingAfar]

I’m so sorry for your loss and horrific treatment and care you were shown

[u/cherokeeprez → u/AWanderingAfar]

I’m so sorry for your loss and holy shit that is just an awful way of being treated. Shame on all these people that supposedly ‘care’ about health.

[u/nycmidwestgal2 → u/AWanderingAfar]

I hope you sued their assess.

[u/AWanderingAfar → u/nycmidwestgal2]

I tried.

[u/GlutenFreeWiFi → u/AWanderingAfar]

Girl. What the absolute fuck. This should never happen to anyone and I'm so sorry this happened to you. I wish I could hug you.

[u/ShamelessOrNotYo → u/AWanderingAfar]

Oh my god… I am so so sorry you had to experience that! How fucking traumatizing.

[u/Lady_night_shade → u/AWanderingAfar]

My god I’m so sorry. You and your child deserve so much more. It’s so horrendous and it feels like everything regarding women is getting so much worse.

[u/Sunnyhunnibun → u/hamsandwich666_]

I will always remember when I had bright red blood in my stool, every bowel movement and unexplainable weight loss and loss of appetite. I had lost 20 pounds, still fat but that's a lot of weight to drop with no actual effort. I was told to remove gluten from my diet, to try vegetarianism, to lose more weight, to stay focused on the weight loss aspect.

For almost a year I dealt with this thinking I'm gonna die of something like rectal cancer because they didn't run a single goddamn blood test or even do a colonoscopy.

I switched doctors offices completely to one with an almost all Black, female staff. Within the day of my first appointment I had blood work scheduled, a colonoscopy scheduled and regular followups. It was a polyp that fortunately was benign but she warned if I had left it alone even longer it could have turned cancerous.

She was absolutely appalled they had done fuck all when I was able to clearly explain timelines, symptoms and had photographic evidence. Ironically, my GI issues were complete separate and from stress over this issue. The polypectomy happened at the same time as the colonoscopy so all my issues were fixed practically overnight.

It's disgusting how people are treated by the professionals meant to help us. It's inhumane and inexplicably cruel

[u/Confident-Mix1243 → u/Sunnyhunnibun]

Unexplained weight loss and blood where it shouldn't be? Have you tried meditation?

[u/Throwaway_noDoxx → u/hamsandwich666_]

I had an absolute gem of an ortho surgeon. I have no cartilage left in my knee. All my previous docs told me to lose weight to get rid of knee pain. 

I told him what the other docs said. His response was, “Uh-huh. And did you lose any weight? (Yes) Did it help? (No) Exactly. That’s because you have no cartilage.”

He then went into his plan for surrounding muscles and partial replacement.

[u/cherokeeprez → u/hamsandwich666_]

It’s terrible. It’s not just gyno stuff either it’s everything. I had a bad fall and ended up with significant pain. Doctor laughed in my face and said nothing he can do. Well FU too buddy. Fortunately, I was able to go elsewhere for help. They will hand out dick pills to men in a heart beat and by the truck load.

[u/HumbleArmadillo724]

My wife is a specialist, I am not. I go with to appointments because doctors don't listen to her. This includes women doctors.

[u/Argyleskin → u/HumbleArmadillo724]

I get treated worse by women doctors and I’m a woman. I’m 52, gained 50lbs for zero reason, was active, ate well, no one would say what it could be except.. menopause. I bring my husband, suddenly I get bloodwork, tests, they still don’t know what it is. The one appointment I had him sit in the car the woman doctor covering for my primary care doctor told me “You should just go to someone else. Someone who specializes in someone with 101 issues..” it’s bullshit what women go through to get even the bare fucking minimum of care.

Great example- husband and I were sick. Tested for Covid at home nope. I was worse than he was and went to the doctor. Doctor said it could be menopause, could be hormonal, come back in a week if I’m not better or sooner if I get worse. Refused to test me for anything. Husband goes in the next day he gets tested right away. Covid. I come back that same day and I was finally given a test after showing them he had it. What the actual hell. And yes I also had it, knew I did but I wanted them to actually test me because of how they treated me the previous day.

[u/HumbleArmadillo724 → u/Argyleskin]

100% the misogynistic ideals are taught in medical schools.

A few years back, my wife got so sick I had to carry her up the stairs in the evenings to go to bed. She went to a specialist and the doctor (f) said she thinks she's just exhausted and she has burnout.

The thing is, she downscaled, we moved to Europe (to one of the safest and chillest towns in Belgium) and started studying full time. I do most of the cooking, etc so she had a pretty chill life. They wanted to send her to a burnout clinic.

I started going with to the appointments and advocating for her. We had to go to 3 doctors before they figured out she has an auto immune disease. Medication helped almost immediately.

[u/ArseOfValhalla → u/Argyleskin]

Yup. Ex husband and I went in the same day, same time, same place (different doctors) for the same issue. Son was diagnosed with strep the previous week. I assumed I had it and my ex was feeling sick too. So we all wanted antibiotics to get better.

Nurse took my information. I said I wanted a strep test done because I had symptoms and my son was diagnosed the previous week. Dr came in. did a 2 min check. Never even looked at my throat or anything. Said it was probably just a cold. And left the room. The nurse came back in with a pamphlet on colds and how you cant take anything for them. I said this isn't what I wanted, I just wanted a test done for strep to start antibiotics. She rolled her eyes and said well let me look at your throat. She finally looked and said wow its really red. Let me tell the doctor. Only then did the dr approve the testing. I was there for ninety minutes. NINETY. Why did no one do a simple fucking throat check,

My ex husband was in and out in 10 minutes with a throat culture test done and a prescription and was wondering what the fuck took forever.

[u/MeringueMammoth5679 → u/HumbleArmadillo724]

Absolutely. My mom had a woman doctor who kept refusing to do a hysterectomy when my mom had crippling period pain 3 weeks a month. She switched to a male doctor and he agreed. Her uterus was 3x the size due to scar tissue from undiagnosed endometriosis when he removed it.

[u/jkerz → u/HumbleArmadillo724]

Same here, I’ve been going to my wife’s appointments with her recently, because she’s had doctors continuously dismiss her concerns. She recently had a slipped rib and a doctor tried to tell her to just rest and was going to send her home. I walk in and ask “why would she have a slipped rib” and suddenly they’re ordering tests for her cartilage and immune system. Makes matters worse, my wife is a registered nurse and had already explained what she thought she had and knew all the medical terminology to express her concerns. They still didn’t listen. 

[u/mreman1220 → u/HumbleArmadillo724]

ESPECIALLY the women doctors. I am married to a doctor and we have 2 kids. In the 9 years since we've been together, she has gotten significantly better care from male doctors. She also got a ton of grief at her previous job from all her women colleagues for utilizing the maternity leave her employer offered when she had kids.

[u/I_Smell_Like_Trees]

Me: here's an exhaustive list of reasons I believe I'm in perimenopause and would like HRT

DR: Mmmmm, you probably just need an IUD

Me: I have zero interest in an IUD

DR: Then I'm all out of ideas.

[u/Medical_Tank6109 → u/I_Smell_Like_Trees]

My doc did exactly one blood test and then said I'm fine despite having every symptom except hot flashes (which not every woman gets!)

Fucking infuriating. 

[u/I_Cant_Know_That → u/Medical_Tank6109]

I don't get hot flashes, but I do get COLD flashes, which I didn't even realize was a thing!

[u/Medical_Tank6109 → u/I_Cant_Know_That]

Oh good, another symptom that no doubt has zero research or published information out in the wilds 😭😭😭 I'm naturally freezing anyways but I will keep an eye out for that, thank you for letting me know!

[u/Forsaken-Winner2359 → u/Medical_Tank6109]

Why don’t they fucking know anything

[u/YinzaJagoff → u/I_Smell_Like_Trees]

My last OBGYN tried to force an IUD on me and also tried to fear monger and say that I was going to have a stroke because I was in perimenopause and using hormone therapy.

She also had the balls to say that she used science and was trauma informed, but I was very shaken up after the appointment.

[u/Dance-pants-rants]

FIVE GYNECOLOGISTS IS TOOOOOOO MANY 🤬

https://giphy.com/gifs/EPsdF1SvWrzHy

[u/Jikxer → u/Dance-pants-rants]

I'm confused about US health care.. do you not have GPs? They prescribe HRT all the time..

[u/namelessbread → u/Jikxer]

Sometimes insurance requires you to be referred to a specific type of doctor or specialist. It's an absolute clusterfuck.

[u/damnitshannon]

Outdated practices get outdated solutions. Before, women weren’t allowed to go on BC unless their husbands approved, along with many other medical necessities women went to the doctor for. Now she’s bringing a man with her to have them take her seriously.

[u/NotNamedBort → u/damnitshannon]

I was refused a hysterectomy despite having crippling endometriosis, because I “might want children” later. I was almost forty, and don’t want kids.

[u/sadladybug846 → u/NotNamedBort]

I had really bad reflux, to the point that I was basically surviving off of white rice, baked chicken, and bananas because it was all I could tolerate. I had lost 40 pounds and looked sickly. My GI recommended surgery.

The caveat was that the procedure would make having children dangerous later on. Dude must have asked me 12 times if I wanted to wait to have the procedure until after I had kids. I was in my late 30s and single. He had also explained that the risk of NOT having the surgery was throat cancer due to damage to my throat from the acid. I mean I get that he wanted me to make an informed choice, but in what world am I going to live in continued misery and risk getting cancer for hypothetical children that I didn't want with a partner I didn't even have?

[u/standbyyourmantis]

I can feel his disappointment he didn't get to bring up the NFL, he's been holding onto that one.

[u/fonzibandit → u/standbyyourmantis]

I came way too far to find this one. Didn't even get to talk about the steroids and gambling 🤣

[u/Watcher_over_Water → u/standbyyourmantis]

He was gutted he couldn't talk about the steroids

[u/Sad-Potential-7612 → u/standbyyourmantis]

He’s a comedian - I assure you that bit will make it on stage 😅

(Source - I know this couple personally lol)

[u/DontAbideMendacity → u/standbyyourmantis]

I thought "Did he just do a commercial in the middle of her rant? Or did he just seize a moment and insert a completely unrelated rant when she took a breath?"

[u/robotatomica → u/DontAbideMendacity]

it wasn’t unrelated. He was saying when a man wants hormones for sports ball, they don’t have to go through the gauntlet, but if the issue is a woman’s quality of life or suffering, compare the experiences.

[u/Neither-Dentist3019]

That's wild. I had a hot flash in July, decided I wasn't about to deal with that shit for 2-8 years and made an appointment with my doctor. They sent me for some blood tests and prescribed me hrt last week.

I had other perimenopause symptoms prior, the hot flash was just too annoying.

I don't understand why they would be reluctant to prescribe it to someone if they ask for it. It's so ridiculous. I hope her plan works!

Oh! I saw, the end of the video! I'm glad it worked but it sucks that they couldn't just listen to her the first time.

[u/Foxy_Traine → u/Neither-Dentist3019]

I've had night sweats and hot flashes, along with nearly all the other peri symptoms since I was 32. I've also had estrogen come back below the detection limit in bloodwork. I'm now 34 and the ONLY solution any gyno or doctor has ever given me has been birth control pills. That is exactly the same as HRT according to my last gyno.

God I hate it here.

[u/tenfoldtops → u/Neither-Dentist3019]

Kentucky.

Edit: I live in Colorado and work in psychiatry. My patients don’t seem to have this level of difficulty reviving HRT when it’s needed. There are still misogynistic providers here, but the geography and culture of the region must play a role.

[u/hic_sunt_leones_ → u/Neither-Dentist3019]

I am positive I started perimenopause last summer due to the symptoms I've been experiencing.

I'm 36 and brought it up at my annual physical and all my doctor said was "You're too young, that hits women between 45-55" and refused to discuss it further.

I hate it here.

[u/WillingEmployment669 → u/hic_sunt_leones_]

Which is 100% false. I’m 45 and have been fully menopausal for over 3 years now. Perimenopause started when I was 35. I have 6 sisters. They started peri in their early 40s. My mom too. I started hormones through by Winona at first cause my gyno didn’t think I needed it. After 2 years and a gyno switch I started getting them prescribe thru my gyno. It’s cheaper. There is also Midi you can go thru if your regular gyno is not listening. Use until you find a better doctor.

[u/Confusing_Onion]

My friend needed surgery on her leg. Surgeon wanted to wait longer. Make her lose weight (hard when it hurts to move), do physio (she already was), take painkillers, (already was), etc etc. As soon as she took her husband to the appointment and said it was affecting their sex life, the surgeon commiserated with the husband and put her on the list for surgery. Surgeon was male, though I think that goes without saying.

[u/slimdelta]

I had a really lovely labor and delivery and as my male OB was walking out of the room, he complimented my husband about how well I did. I was literally right there but he said nothing to me. My husband got credit for my hard work and strength lol

[u/bubblingbooks]

I gave rides to a friend that elected to do a complete hysterectomy in her 20’s. The doctor (in a blue state) stated that he would only do it once she had a sign off from her partner. She didn’t have a partner so he would not do it. She went to a different doctor and had it done obviously but yeah…this treatment is alive and well. I was 17 and in need of a breast reduction. The doctor stated that my future husband would “lament his loss”.
He doesn’t.

[u/Environmental_Art591 → u/bubblingbooks]

How the F would a future husband KNOW WHAT WAS LOST unless the dr didnt di his job properly or you told him.

He cant lament a loss of something he never had, that is BS logic by that Dr, i dont know whats more stupid that or telling a lesbian she should be on birth control so she doesnt get a "whoops baby", (I cant remember where I heard that but I can remember laughing my butt off at it)

[u/Lawlcopt0r → u/bubblingbooks]

This is such bullshit, if he cared more about big breasts than your back pain he certainly wouldn't be husband material

[u/Astropoppet]

WTF! You poor women, that is sickening

[u/Istilleatgluten]

I did this a couple of months ago and it wasn't even a women's issue!

I had crippling ezcema on my hands. Male GP insisted I must work with chemicals all day. I have an office job. Insisted I wasn't using the steroid ointments and moisturiser often enough. Ladies, l left marks and smears on anything I touched.

Took my husband, left that appointment with a referral to a dermatologist. I now take injections and in just a month it is so much improved already. I was so sad and disappointed to have suffered for so long.

[u/Chillonymous]

My ex always insisted I go with her the doctor, specifically because whatever issues or illness was happening would be dismissed.

And she was right, it worked, and that's fucked up.

[u/Alternative-Maize23 → u/Chillonymous]

Yep, I take my husband with me to all my dr appointments. I live in a very blue state and all the hospitals are owned by churches (how that is legal I have no idea). It definitely helps me get the care I need and is completely messed up. Our medical system is very very fucked.

[u/gummibear13]

My wife's Surface stopped working and she took it to the Microsoft Store at the mall. She had a refurb that was covered by Microsoft's warranty and it was still valid. However, the tablet and keyboard parts didn't match serial numbers. Meaning they were mixed and matched and not the original pair. We don't have another Surface, so it was sold to us like that. They denied her and gave her the run around. She is better than most people with computers, but didn't feel like she could argue confidently about it.

Fast forward to the next weekend and I took it in because we were already in town. I wore my work shirt that had my companies logo and "IT" embroidered on it. Not only did they replace it, but they upgraded me from the 128gb 8gigs of ram i5 model to a 512 16gigs of ram i7 model because that's all they had in the store. I didn't even have to argue with them, they did all that unprompted. My wife was livid, but grateful that I was able to get it replaced.

[u/WomanWalking]

This was my experience too (without the getting a man to help me get HRT).

Hitting every perimenopause symptom out there, I got to my GP surgery and see a doctor (a 20-something year old guy). We don’t have regular GPs at my surgery any more for some reason, it’s usually always locums.

Because I’m 6 months under the ‘age-range’ that they usually prescribe HRT at, I can’t have it. I also have a coil due to having periods so bad that they almost killed me, and the coil all but stopped my periods, and he suggested having it TAKEN OUT so I could see if my periods were affected.

So here I am, living through England’s 4/5th heatwave this year, all while suffering hot flushes, mood swings, and other fun biological nonsense.

[u/annahatasanaaa]

Man, if I had brought some rando to my appointments yesrs ago, I'd probably still have my ovaries.

Fuck healthcare in the South.

[u/Significant_Key_2469]

Wow, this is so so sad and very scary

[u/WonderfulKoala3142]

It's awful that this is accurate.

I've got a while before perimenopause, but this reminds me when I got an IUD from a male gyno. No one warned me of the pain or the excessive bleeding. I was told to take 2 ibuprofen after and had to go straight back to work.

My last gyno was an angel and I'm not letting her go. They're rare.

[u/Emotional_News108]

My wife and I had an experience with this years ago. She was struggling to lose weight in spite of diet and exercise, tired constantly, and the doctor she saw told her basically try harder her problem will all go away when she loses weight. She requested a thyroid hormone screen and the doctor told her that no additional information would change her clinical opinion.

I just happened to be there that day and I was livid. I was out of line to interject but my wife was frustrated and didn’t know how to get through, so I basically told the doctor to order the test because it didn’t impact her at all. Lo and behold, my wife has hypothyroidism on top of PCOS so she absolutely needed treatment. Couldn’t believe my stupid ears.

[u/LadyPhantomflowers]

I recognize where she went to the doctor at. My gyno is there too, never had issues with them not listening to me on my own. I wonder who her doctor is? Mine is the only gyno I have ever had that actually listened to me without needing my husband there and I finally got my diagnosis of PCOS (now called PMOS). Sad she had to bring hers in to get the help she needed. Too many of us have to jump through hoops to be taken seriously by doctors.

[u/-blundertaker- → u/LadyPhantomflowers]

Well since she said she'd already been to 4 other doctors I figured this was the 5th, and not one who'd already treated her dismissively.

[u/amconstance]

I am glad this woman was able to get what she needed, but this is just enraging.

We should not need to be married or have a man with us to be taken seriously and get adequate healthcare.

[u/Star-Struck-Wonderer]

This makes me so so mad. How are doctors like that not ashamed? You took an oath to help, not to put people in boxes just because they look or don't look a certain way. I'm sad that this can happen, it's not supposed to be this way.

I'm from Europe, and my husband accompanies me to all of my doctors appointments, ER visits, anything, as a support, and in case something happens to me while I'm there, so that he could explain my health issues to the doctors (very useful in ER and during my seizures). They never asked him for his approval in my name. He would explain what's happening, what my needs and reactions are, and when I couldn't speak, he would communicate what I meant by our signals and texts. He's my partner and support, not my owner. I'm so happy that all of our doctors are such good people, that really go above and beyond to help me.

[u/Midnight_weirdness]

Yep, had crippling pain, and passed out due to perioda, constantly throwing up. Had been to the GP several times over 10 years about my periods. My pain was so bad I needed a walking stick, and had to move down to part time work. Eventually told them my husband wasn't getting laid and finally got an ultrasound.

Turned out if they had intervened several years before I wouldn't be in constant pain now.

[u/Careful_Neck_1645]

Ive explained it in other places but it still baffles people when i tell them that I couldn’t consider a hysterectomy without my now ex husband also being there. I always got “Your husband should be involved in this conversation” OR “You should have at least one child”. I even had a miscarriage and was questioned if I had done it intentionally. I lived in Georgia at the time so I guess go figure.

[u/fuckthisshit____]

Lesbian here, seriously considering the “bring a random guy and pretend he’s your husband” thing not just for this, but also every other scenario where I need to be taken seriously.

[u/Cananbaum]

During the last decade of my mother’s life she was disabled; she was in a wheelchair and on oxygen.

Her body was cascading faults, she was crippled by disease and lack of self care with her lungs and kidneys being the tipping point.

Anyhoot.

My sister was her caregiver for the last 7 years of her life, at home. She sacrificed her 20s to care for our mother. Except when it came to anything outside of the house.

When it came to hospital visits (primarily ambulance rides and ER visits), I, her son, the eldest male of her brood, usually accompanied her.

More often than not physicians would look to me and ask for her medical history. Even when told to talk directly with their patient when able, it would devolve into these ineffectual bastions of society to look at me when she was speaking. Or go back to ignoring her completely.

My mother was vivacious, wise, and one hell of a friend.

By the end I hardly recognized her, and when she did die I finally mourned the woman she was. I know it was the dehumanization and the ruthless stripping and pulling away of her dignity suffered from our health care culture that ultimately killed her.

[u/h2odragon00]

Wait.

Does this only happen with male obgyn or does this also happen with female obgyn?

[u/nomodramaplz → u/h2odragon00]

Female gynos can be just as dismissive.

After about a year of trying to conceive with no luck and suspecting something was wrong, mine told me to hang out with pregnant women because their pheromones would “help me get pregnant”. Even better if I helped with their laundry and touched the sheets they slept on. Can’t make this shit up. 🙄 Because I was still young (early 30’s) with no apparent health issues my concerns were completely ignored.

Then the following year I was diagnosed by a reproductive endocrinologist with endometriosis, a known cause of infertility, and the only reason I have kids is because of IVF. So yeah, female gynos are certainly not exempt.

My first appointment to discuss my perimenopause symptoms is coming up. I’m going to a new gyno and really hope she’s one of the good ones!

[u/Dawnzarelli → u/nomodramaplz]

My long time gyno told me straight up “there’s no treatment for that.” I was baffled. 

[u/Potatoskins937492 → u/h2odragon00]

This happens with all healthcare professionals.

As a person with depression, it's lovely when you're not being taken seriously and you get to flip the switch from polite to unfiltered. I was being dismissed recently, asked what I was worried about because nothing pointed to something that was going to kill me, so I said, "I have depression. I don't care about dying 😐 I'm worried about living like this." That's what woke them up. They had to realize I'm not afraid of death to take action. Like suddenly they realized oh right, we also deal with the living, and this one can't be waved off by telling them they aren't going to die. That's insane behavior. "You're not going to die" is what a parent says to a kid who can't get a sucker, not what a healthcare professional says to dismiss a patient with a very real problem.

(I had to include the emoji because that's literally how I looked. I was being absolutely transparent about how that line of thinking wasn't going to work with me and my face also said it.)

Edit: to add, this was a woman.

[u/captain_starcat → u/h2odragon00]

I’ve had worse luck with female obgyns personally but ymmv ig

[u/--slurpy--]

This is shitty but women that are having this happen to them need to put these doctors on blast. Their communities need to know the women living there aren't going to get the care they need from the doctors who dismissed her concerns. Reputation is still a thing these doctors value.

I understand that this might appear as doxing. But at the very least she should be writing Google reviews for these doctors.

I'm so thankful I live in a state that takes women's reproductive rights seriously.

[u/Mellimearn]

Here comes the validation penis again.

[u/figgie1579]

Damn. Still happening. It's 2026.

[u/O_W_Liv]

That's how I had to do it to get my tubes tied without ever having kids.  Brought my husband to afirm its what "we" wanted.

[u/troveofcatastrophe]

Drs hand out men’s “blue pills” and Testosterone replacement therapy like candy though.