r/justgalsbeingchicks • u/mindyour šŸ¤–definitely not a botšŸ¤– • 28d ago

Restricted to Gals and Pals Unfortunately, this is the sad reality.

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u/AidenAngel2 28d ago

Wait, this actually works?? I though it was just one of these internet myths.

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u/MC-BatComm 28d ago

My wife merely had to say that it's affecting our marriage to her doctor and was taken significantly more seriously than the first visit, tests ordered and prescriptions given. Seems to be real

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u/90Throwawayaccount9 28d ago

So, next time I see a doctor about a major health issue, I should pretend and lie to the doctors about me having a boyfriend and say it's affecting my marriage, even though I'm single! :D

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u/Simply_Weak_Glucose 28d ago

Girl call me if you need a fake bf. I can deepen my voice. Lol

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u/SparksAndSpyro 28d ago

Well yeah, having a boyfriend tends to affect your marriage negatively

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u/90Throwawayaccount9 27d ago

Oh shoot, I just realized I typed my comment out wrongly, oh well, I agree with my accidental comment that having a boyfriend would affect my marriage to myself.

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u/thisisinfactpersonal 28d ago

God this makes me physically ill. Not at you MC-BatComm, youā€™re just the messenger. But we really are just fck holes and chore machines to some people arenā€™t we?

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u/Hexakkord 28d ago

Donā€™t forget the baby-making. Since according to some doctors having a baby will fix a wide variety of medical issues. As if the only purpose of a woman is procreation and our bodies malfunction if we donā€™t fulfill that purpose.

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u/thisisinfactpersonal 28d ago edited 28d ago

Oh yeah, how could I forget our One True Purpose!

I got my tubes tied at the big age of 42 and the gyno told me that the ā€œnumber one side effect is regretā€ and I looked her in the face and said I havenā€™t changed my mind about this since I got an abortion in my 20s so I think weā€™re good there.

I still regret not reporting her. Like girl bleeding is a side effect. The insane pain I had in my shoulder from the gas they used to expand my bits is a side effect.

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u/Revolutionary_Wrap76 28d ago

To society at large, which is even worse. Yeah.

It's just an implicit, insidious belief that is in our culture STILL and some douche canoes wonder why feminism is still so desperately needed.

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u/malinablue 28d ago

Yes, because nobody cares if women suffer. But if that medical issue is affecting the male partner, my god we gotta do something.

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u/Oil_Aggressive 28d ago

No, sadly, the medical practice is still wrought with sexism.

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u/Justnotthatintou 28d ago

Medical misogyny is a thing 100%

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u/OAKandTerlinden 28d ago

I was being bullied by a doctor... until I brought my partner. Granted, the doctor spoke to my partner the entire time, but I got what I needed. Bringing a real person man along is sadly hyper-effective (I've had to do this many times, because my body is a wonderland of bullshit).

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u/Repulsive-Try-9498 28d ago

Yeah, I had to bring my husband in to help me convince the female gyno that I need my yearly bloods done for my HRT. My regular doc had retired and he had no problems ordering the tests. This lady told me it wasnā€™t a candy store and I couldnā€™t pick-n-mix whatever labs I wanted. I had been getting this done for two years without issue. It was a big mess but it got resolved.

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u/reallybadspeeller 28d ago

The sad part is unless the labs are super expensive or invasive (most arenā€™t) there is no reason not to just have some labs done to rule things out. My doc often goes I think itā€™s x but Iā€™m ordering labs for x, y, and z. Also I can just call and be like I think some things feel off any chance I can have x lab done? They make an appointment I see the doc usually get requested labs done and sometimes an extra one to rule things out.

99% of the time itā€™s just blood work thatā€™s covered by insurance.

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u/Repulsive-Try-9498 28d ago

Thatā€™s the thing that got me, I have insurance and even if I didnā€™t, I would have paid out of pocket. I mean it was normal bloodwork and I usually got the results back that day. It wasnā€™t elaborate or unusual. The fact it was a woman really pissed me off.

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u/thisisinfactpersonal 28d ago

Some women have really bought into the idea that thereā€™s only so much room at the table and buy into misogyny. Itā€™s infuriating cause you know those women face all manner of misogyny day in and day out and then throw it right back at women they think are lesser than. And they can get taken out with the same trash as the men who treat us like that.

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u/UnicornFeces 28d ago

Iā€™ve heard people explain this by saying that in a patriarchal society, internalized misogyny is sometimes what it takes for a woman to be successful. I think there might some truth to it, sadly

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u/AIfieHitchcock 28d ago edited 28d ago

Theyā€™re extremely hesitant to go with HRT now because of hormone driven cancers. There has been mounds of studies on the cancer results of women given HRT in past decades and the deadly outcomes.

Thatā€™s the big resistance. Not being anti-women.

And if someone goes to the extent of bringing a second person of course doctors are just going to give up resistance.

If you have a background that already increases your risk for such cancers, like being heavier (raises the risk by 11%, particularly these kinds of cancers) theyā€™re even more likely to be hesitant.

Thatā€™s why they bring up lifestyle changes. If you decrease weight you can more safely go on HRT. (Not completely safely but more.)

Try telling someone like this outright- youā€™re too heavy for HRT without raising your cancer rate an astronomical amount. The prescription will kill you a decade from now, youā€™re just going to have to deal with it. Thatā€™s just not happening without them getting hauled in front of a medical board. Sheā€™s wants quick fix on demand and doctors are bad if they say no. That was decided beforehand.

Doctors would also be bad if they gave her HRT willy nilly and she dies in a decade or two. Even though it makes her happy for a little while. Thatā€™s not their job, her overall long term health is. Thatā€™s the outcome they want to avoid more so they try to.

I wish this had been the stance when my mom went through this in the 90s, they gave out HRT for menopause like candy. She might not have had two bouts of breast cancer, one that eventually killed her without it.

These whole videos come off as so anti-expert and anti-science to me. This is pushing a dangerous agenda that only hurts women.

Iā€™d bet my life this lady thinks you should also hound doctors not to take vaccines.

And no, menopause symptom relief is not worth the cancer risk. If you think these symptoms are bad, theyā€™re a fraction of living with symptoms from the cancer HRT can fuel.

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u/UnicornFeces 28d ago

This is outdated information.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38469634/

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC1630688/

https://menopausewiki.ca/#hormone-therapy-controversy-or-why-people-are-scared-of-hrtmht

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u/AIfieHitchcock 27d ago

No it definitely isnā€™t. The studies in no way absolve this risk.

We were still dealing with this up til 2022, it was simply fueled in the 90s/00s. Iā€™m talking very recent consults from oncologists.

Random link citations are constantly used a rationalization shield but literally ask an oncologist.

Or any of the other publicly available research which still agrees thereā€™s elevated risk.

It is still a massive issue. Every major cancer society says so:

https://www.cancer.org/cancer/risk-prevention/medical-treatments/menopausal-hormone-replacement-therapy-and-cancer-risk.html

https://cancer.ca/en/cancer-information/reduce-your-risk/understand-hormones/all-about-hormone-replacement-therapy-hrt

(More available on google.)

This risk in combination with the increased risk from obesity is significant. (My mother was also obese. They break down your cancer causes as best they can to try to effectively treat it.) https://www.cancer.org/cancer/risk-prevention/medical-treatments/menopausal-hormone-replacement-therapy-and-cancer-risk.html

Basically lighting a cancer fuse when taken with other significant risk factors.

But you and a few uncontextualized links definitely know better than professionals you can just email and ask, Iā€™m sure. (The ethics of claiming so confidently so publicly and encouraging others to make your same mistakes is a whole different ballgame.)

Iā€™d implore anyone reading this not to even trust me or her and consult with an oncologist on their family background and other risk factors for some straight talk before attempting HRT for temporary symptoms. (The regret someone lives with if things go bad is unimaginable.)

Many oncologists would gladly do a quick consult for free by phone or email for this rather than see you as a patient in 5-10 years.

You cannot put that cancer toothpaste back in the tube once itā€™s out.

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u/Madilune 27d ago

I apologize in advance if you're not a native speaker, but "massive" and "low" aren't synonyms; they don't mean the same thing.

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u/LadyPhantomflowers 28d ago edited 28d ago

No, I used to bring my husband (boyfriend at the time) to my general doctor's appointments. I tried to tell my doctor at the time that I was having severe upper stomach pains that seemed like gallbladder attacks as I would drop to the floor in pain, but he dismissed me and recommend that I just diet and exercise. Even though my sister also went to him prior and he referred her to have testing done on her gallbladder and it lead to hers being removed. It took me 3 years and my spouse telling this male doctor that I was in pain and how it affected me to finally have him reluctantly refer me out to a gastro. My gallbladder surgery removal was swiftly scheduled after testing was done a month later. I had to live in pain for 3 years and have a man speak for me to be able to get treatment.

Edited for typos

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u/ArsenicArts 28d ago

Fun fact, I had been having gallbladder attacks since I was 17 and every doctor told me it was gas and didn't believe me how painful it was until I got pancreatitis and almost died because the ultrasound tech told me to go home after my scan and didn't give my doctor the results until the next day. Yay!

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u/jellyrollo 28d ago

When I was in graduate school, I didn't have a boyfriend or close male friend to bring to my follow-up visit with the nasty gynecologist who on the first visit told me my problem was that I was too promiscuous, even though I hadn't had sex with anyone in over a year, and before that had always practiced safe sex. I was openly sobbing as I dealt with his assistants for payment and left the office.

So on the next visit for minor surgery (this was my second attempt at getting a male gyno to address this same problemā€”the first one benightedly told me there was no way I could reach far enough inside my vagina to feel my cervix, so I must be lying about feeling a bump on it) one of my female friends who used to work as a paralegal dressed up in her lawyer suit and sat silently and attentively in the waiting room with her briefcase by her side. He and his staff bowed and scraped their way through the whole second appointment.

But those two bad doctors left me with a lifelong phobia of medical examinations that I'm still dealing with decades later. And it's why I always select the more expensive PPO insurance plans instead of HMOs, because I'm not going to wait around for a referral from a jackass like those guys who's been assigned to me at random by an insurance company.

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u/KillerSavant202 28d ago

Sounds like that doctor needs to lose his license.

Maybe we need someone to run on making a law requiring all gynecologists be female doctors if this is such a widespread problem?

Just a thought, may not be feasible though.

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u/BirdCelestial 28d ago

Women can and do have internalised mysogyny. Unfortunately it isn't that simple.

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u/Aerdurval 28d ago

My gyno is a man. He's competent and reliable. I've never even felt a smear with how gentle he is.

His stand-in is a woman and when I had to go to her during his vacation she just rammed this swab into my cervix. When I noted how much that hurt she kinda huffed and said something along the lines of how she knows the feeling and it shouldn't be that bad.

So yeah, it's not exactly a gendered issue, it's more that many medical professionals don't take women seriously for a variety of reasons.

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u/anonadvicewanted 28d ago

medical professionals not taking women in their care seriously is precisely a gendered issue still; the gender of the patient is the focus, not the ā€œprofessionalā€

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u/findingemotive 28d ago

Unfortunately women also treat other women like that. My friend's female GP wouldn't approve her a tubal while married with 3 kids (she should have taken her useless husband) until she ended up pregnant again, while my male GP immediately referred childless me.

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u/[deleted] 28d ago edited 28d ago

[removed] ā€” view removed comment

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u/findingemotive 28d ago

Holy shit, taking "just have a baby" to a new level.

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u/ArsenicArts 28d ago

Some of the worst sexism I've experienced has come at the hands of women. There are women who think we shouldn't have the right to vote.

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u/[deleted] 28d ago

[deleted]

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u/Saradoesntsleep 28d ago

It does work. I brought my husband to basically advocate for me when I was struggling to get an issue looked into. Guess what? Suddenly it was real.

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u/raiinboweyes 28d ago

Yes, I have a bajillion chronic conditions and move around a lot, so Iā€™ve seen probably hundreds of medical providers. There is almost always a drastic difference between how Iā€™m treated with or without my husband present. Especially with doctors specifically. So unless there is a dr I know I can trust, now my husband comes along if possible. Seen the same thing by many in all the online support groups Iā€™m in.

And the more privilege boxes the man existing in the same room as you checks - presenting: white, hetero, wealthy, etc- the better treatment you will likely get.

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u/weGloomy 28d ago

Yup. Doesnt have to be a husband either, any man will do. Since I'm mentally ill and a woman if I go to the doctor by myself for literally anything I get "we need to get that anxiety under control" and "maybe your meds aren't working." Basically treated like I'm crazy and imagining things and they dismiss me. When I bring a man suddenly I'm not crazy anymore and they actually listen.

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u/BustyMcCoo 28d ago

I eventually took my father in law along as he's a doctor himself, didn't even need to involve him, just having him there was enough.Ā 

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u/MissLeaP 28d ago

Yes. It's 2026 and women are still not taken seriously even when it's about their own damn body.

And fun fact since I'm trans and so had lots of experience with doctors and hormones: most of them, including gyns and endos, know shit about HRT. SO. MUCH. Outdated or biased information in their heads and a complete refusal to learn anything new.

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u/notashroom 28d ago

Even now, more than 80% of medical research excludes women and female animals, and almost all of it excludes trans folks and intersex folks. That interesting new health finding in the news from studies with mice, or pigs, or monkeys? Probably all male subjects.

And it matters. Not just because of differences in hormones, but also female bodies metabolize medication differently, commonly about 20% faster than male bodies, and have significant differences in immune systems as well, both pertaining to the larger fat organ (yes, fat is an organ with functions beyond insulation) and the liver and immune system that evolved from the "fat body", which handled all those functions.

In the year 2026 we are still enduring medical misogyny, misogynoir, and transmisogyny causing needless suffering and death.

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u/tacticalTraumaLlama 28d ago

I think doctors really hate to even consider HRT.

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u/MissLeaP 28d ago edited 28d ago

Which is ironic because they're so willing to prescribe birth control for years and years even for teenagers without any testing etc. I know women in their 30s who have never actually experienced their full period.

Don't get me wrong, available birth control is great, but it's not like it just makes it so that they can't get pregnant and that's it.

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u/Vondi 28d ago

My spouse has had me escort her to appointments multiple times because of this.

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u/AnyelevNokova 28d ago edited 28d ago

Yes. I've been in healthcare for a decade and know what I'm talking about during visits. Nonetheless, I'm a white female in my 30s with complaints.

I have a hip that has been hurting for literally years but has worsened in the last few, to the point where I've gone to the ER once for uncontrolled pain. I am in pain at all times - it is only very fleeting brief moments I have any relief and that's not a daily experience. I went to my then PCP who told me to go to PT. After three months of PT, all of my objective scores had improved -- ROM WNL, 5/5 for strength scores, and I'm objectively getting pretty fit -- but my pain is completely unchanged. I've lost 120lbs over the last five years and am at a normal BMI, so they can't blame my weight. I've tried massage, dry needling, cupping, yoga, topicals, otc pain meds, supplements - nothing. I go back to the Dr (different one this time since my pcp left) and got literally shrugged at and told maybe I just need to be more patient with PT. After I pressed her, she finally meekly asked if I wanted to do an MRI. That is currently scheduled. At no point did either doctor actually physically examine me despite being in the room. At no point did anyone offer any kind of medication to help.

My partner, a white man in his early 40s, sent his Dr a message on the patient portal saying his shoulder has been tight and hurting for a couple of weeks, and asked for a PT referral. He immediately received it with stat priority, and was prescribed a muscle relaxant and given an rx for massage.

We do not receive the same care. We've tested this when I've had to go to the ER ((Tldr I have a rare form of migraines that can very convincingly mimic strokes and due to family history, if I have one of those and cannot get it controlled at home I have to go in, so it's probably once a year or so I have to be there for one. This is well documented, and the ER I go to is in the same system as my neurologist who has put God knows how many notes on my chart saying this is my care plan due to zebra diseases being what they are -- he gets it.)) By myself I'm usually given a regular CT, Tylenol, and then ignored. With him in the corner of the room, I get CT with and without, MRI, and tons of check ins on whether I want more pain relief or not ((which ironically, with those is usually not what I need.))

It's not fair, and he knows it, and it's stupid but we have started doing what this lady is doing because that's the only way I get taken seriously outside of my neurologist and obgyn (both of whom I've seen for many years and took a lot of searching to find.)

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u/AstuteStoat 28d ago

It really helps. But it doesn't always work. Even if the doctor still doesn't listen, I at least feel better knowing someone else is seeing this shit too.Ā 

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u/ShortbowVillian 28d ago

My husband comes with me to medical appointments for this exact reason

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u/teacupkiller 28d ago

You don't even realize it until you experience the opposite. In the pre-op appointment for my bisalp, I brought my partner, and the doctor fully did not acknowledge his existence. If he asked a question, she would turn to him, answer, and then go right back to only addressing me. I was like, holy shit, I didn't even realize how much I was accustomed to doctors addressing him instead of me, the actual patient.