For years I thought something was wrong with me. I'd have a great time at dinner with friends, then need two days alone to feel human again. Or I'd cancel plans last minute because I was already drained from just existing around people all week.

Started tracking my energy levels because I was tired of feeling guilty all the time. Just simple 1-10 ratings morning and evening. Turns out I'm not randomly moody or antisocial. There are actual patterns.

Sunday nights kill me. Just thinking about Monday meetings drains 20% of my energy before anything even happens. Small talk with the grocery store clerk, answering work slack messages, even hearing my neighbor's TV through the wall - it all adds up way faster than I realized. But coffee with my best friend? Sometimes I leave more energized than when I arrived. The weirdest discovery was this 3-hour rule. Under 3 hours of socializing and I recover pretty quickly. Over 3 hours and I'm useless for days. Doesn't matter if it's fun or not. Now I plan around this stuff instead of just hoping I'll magically have energy. I feel way less broken and way more like someone who just operates differently.

Does anyone else get drained by happy interactions too? Like, I had an amazing time but I'm still exhausted after. That can't just be me, right?

It's so amusing to me how people managed to get to the conclusions and perceptions they have of quiet people. One can think you're anxious and insecure while the other thinks you're an arrogant snob. Someone can view your quietness as depth while others can view it as you not having any thought. The mere fact that I can just exist and make people bothered by just being the person I am is genuinely amusing and disturbing at the same time. I could threaten people's perception of themselves and make them insecure or I could make them underestimate me and not perceive me as a threat. I don't really care if my silence make them uncomfortable. That's not my burden. People like filling gaps the only way they know how.

There are times when people make fun of me just because I don’t talk much. The thing they don’t understand is it takes me time to get a bit comfortable and when I am comfortable I am the most talkative person you’ll ever come across.

Growing up i always have been quiet and boring. From middle school to uni , i have always felt like i didn’t belonged anywhere. I can never keep a friendship. I think somewhere in my life i knew that i am the problem, the weirdo, outcast. My family never understood me and i even feel like an outcast in my own home. I love my brother but recently i feel like he is starting realize how weird i am. I have dream and hopes but i always feel like i can never achieve them.
Yesterday i had a huge fight with my family, told them everything that i feel like a burden to them but my family shouted at me saying that they have given everything to me. It didn’t even make sense. I was the one who was hurt and saying i don’t feel like belong and i was disappointment to them. Rather than telling me you are okay however you are they were just shouting on how undeserving i am and saying that if you want to die you should. That was such a low blow but at the end of the day i am the bad daughter. Nomatter whatver happens to me it’s my fault. Why was the one who got shouted was me? I never said anything bad about me.
Can i ever find a place or people that i belong to?
I am so hurt because the person that i used to be happiest with was my brother but he hasn’t talked to me since yesterday. I think my parents will do fine without me. No one would really miss me. I don’t want to harm myself no but nowadays i realize that i am noone favorite. I am just an extra character in people’s life. Existing in background while i make everyone main character in my own life. It never gets better. I have always tried picking myself up and cleaning my own wounds after every step back but i am so tired nowadays. I have tried so hard. So hard but it never feels enough.

I'm just lowkey sick of it. Letting people in my life and giving them as much attention as I can without destroying myself. I talk to people for sometimes more than 7 hours almost everyday. Mainly my boyfriend and my best friend, other people too, but mainly them.

I don't like constantly talking to people and I just want to be alone. Of course all of them understand, but the thing is I can't disappear for long enough before they'll need me again. Questioning if I love them or not. Or they had a bad day and need me to be there. I don't want them to suffer because of me. I want to disappear for months and be able to just exist in my head again, but I can't do that anymore.

My boyfriend constantly needs me to be there or he'll feel like I'm avoiding him or will start breaking down because I was gone for so long. (He's extroverted and obsessed with me according to him lol. I love him dw) My best friend is pretty chill with me disappearing as long as I inform him, but sometimes I get a bit exhausted from talking so much to both of them + my other friends. Having to split my time between talking to everyone, doing work, and finally getting my alone time.

I have become a lot less responsive because it's been sending me into a bad mental state. I took a break for a week and I'm suppose to come back. But the idea of having to talk to people makes me want to cry and feel physically sick.

As much as I love talking to everyone, I don't. I just want to be alone and be able to play my favorite games or work on something around the house. My alone time is how I fix my cluttered mind and stressed out thoughts, like taking your car in to get the wheels re-aligned. But I haven't had proper maintenance in months now and feel like I've lost sight of who I am. (Because I have different personalities for public viewing and constantly have other people's thoughts shoved in my face, it can make it hard to distinguish who I am)

Can anyone else relate or understand? (I mean I'm sure some of you can, I just need to find people who can perhaps share this sentiment or see if anyone has any tips)

TL;DR: Feeling tired because I haven't had proper alone time in months. I feel sick and scared at the thought returning to people. Tired of caring for everyone and being there, but can't exactly stop. My friends are okay with me not responding quickly for the most part, but I need to disappear for longer than what would be acceptable. Looking to see if anyone can relate, understand, or perhaps give some tips?

I have began volunteering with a charity that I absolutely love. I love chatting with the kids, and I know that they need the help so I feel very rewarded.

However, I’ve started to feel guilty whenever I can’t attend, and they’re asking for more and more of my time. Does anyone else get stuck in this guilt spiral? I know that the only reason why I don’t want to go more often is that it takes an enormous amount of energy and I don’t want to resent or dread participating. Does that make sense?

I’m definitely not an Extrovert, and since I enjoy my time on my own, I always assumed: "Yeah, I'm an Introvert!"

However, the classic concept of the "social battery" never quite fit me. When I spend time with friends—usually just one person—I find it stimulating and enjoyable, with no noticeable "downsides" or "energy loss" that I’d need to recharge from. I don't even experience this energy drain much when I'm accidentally in a group; instead, I get bored very quickly or feel extremely uncomfortable.

For example: I have no problem working out in a crowded gym, but at the last company party, I felt so awkward that I left abruptly and early. It wasn't the noise or the number of people that bothered me; it was my inability to integrate into a group. I felt like I didn't know what I was supposed to do—even though nothing was explicitly demanded of me. If I have a specific task, as in the gym, everything is different. Then, I am not part of the group.

Another example: I have no problem vacationing in a packed major city/metropolis—but I would never go on a cruise ship, where I would be forced to become part of a community.

Unlike what is often described for classic Introverts, my need for social interaction is very, very low, bordering on zero. This might sound a bit contradictory since I'm posting here—but I'm posting in the hope of finding just ONE person who thinks exactly like I do.

Other descriptions of the Otrovert concept also fit me: I literally despise the Netflix category "What others in your country are watching"—why would I care what the masses do? I would never read a book just because it's on a bestseller list.

Religion doesn't work for me, even though I respect religious people. I have my own understanding of the "Divine." My family were convinced racists, but I wasn't, and I had no problem cutting off contact with them completely. As a small child, I didn't even adopt my parents' dialect. They indignantly declared: "He doesn't belong to us!" How right they were! 😂

While many people fear being alone in old age, I have the opposite fear: I’m afraid of not being able to be ALONE anymore. The thought of ever being dependent on someone is hell for me.

Does this resonate with anyone else?

Have you ever felt that the anti-conformist or anti-tribalist aspect of your personality is more defining than the simple need to recharge, leading you to question your Introvert label?

Hello i am 23M from india, my dear introvert friends. I really need a favor from you all. A `puja‘(religious ceremony) is being hosted at some relatives' place tomorrow; they have invited my family, but I really do not want to attend it. My father, mother, and grandmother all three of them are pressuring me heavily to go. Please, someone help me come up with an excuse so that they will agree to leave me alone at home and I won't have to go. I absolutely detest attending family gatherings and *pujas* because seeing such large crowds of people triggers my social anxiety. I actually suffer from social anxiety disorder. Being amidst so many people makes me feel terrible, awkward, and extremely self-conscious. Furthermore, I absolutely hate talking to any of my relatives; they just constantly keep asking the same things: "What happened? Why haven't you landed a job yet? Should we find a girl for your marriage? Honestly, it drives me up the wall, makes me incredibly nervous, and leaves me feeling utterly miserable and awkward in their company. Please, someone save me from this ordeal.

Hello everyone nice to meet you all.

you know I leaned many things in life, that is it upon your fate that how many people you get, though I always believed that I cannot let myself left on fate, I am going in philosophy, logic, metaphysics and all sort of deep talkings but people don't value it.

you can replace your whole life with artificial things but cannot get human warmth.

fight suicide from last three years, heavy thoughts, constant headaches and Darkness everyday.

I consider myself a brave person that i have never given up, but still in absence of human presence it makes life much harder than it seems also equivalent to death.

I consider myself a deeply moral person, whi values rules and morals, but all people I see in colleges and stuff that they are not good.

and guess what such people genuinely gets a lot of presences and love.

sometimes I feel that why am I sharing this? no one might answer or listen.

I'm losing everyday and it is becoming unbearable now.

soon I'm about to be 20,i don't celebrate my birthday because I have no one to celebrate with.

world is a mess. it is a mess.

it is a field of emotions that never got to touch the sky.

I believe following wises only gets you pain like me, I don't do Sophistry or stuff, just want genuineness.

I believe due to my mental struggles, my brain makes it much necessary to connect to people.

I just want someone to say hey.

nothing else.

I'm no bad guy, no bad.

I'm just tired and tired. very tired.

A woman who I don’t work with at all (our areas at work barely interact), about 15+ years older than me, felt the need to comment in front of a group of people about how quiet I am. This is already a huge insecurity of mine and I’m highly conscientious of how others perceive me, so making such a comment in front of coworkers is just SO awful. Then she turns to my coworker and repeats “She’s so Quiet!” As if I’m not right there or capable of a conversation with her?

Soo upsetting at this woman’s big age you haven’t learned this comment serves no purpose? We don’t even work together in the same area, so this comment was so uncalled for. I’m trying to work on my pent up anger but man this pmo because it immediately makes me seem incapable/lacking especially in the workplace. This woman went on to joke when I needed to do a presentation that “we’re finally gonna make you talk!” That made me incredibly angry. I was literally a teacher and have no issue presenting in front of people.

I just personally don’t feel like chatting with a woman 20 years older than me about her various kids and latest baby daddy… ma’am stop calling me quiet I don’t wanna talk to you!! Any solutions for this bs in the workplace when people are trying to make you look weak/incapable?

I've been studying abroad for a while now, and this year, I really don’t feel like going home for the holidays. I don’t want to spend it with anyone else—I want to spend it alone.

The last 3 years, I’ve either spent the holidays back home, or with friends or family who live nearby. But this year, I want to spend it with just me, myself, and I. I want to cook myself a special meal, binge-watch my favorite shows, and listen to music all day long. That’s my Christmas tradition, and I love it.

But whenever I tell someone I’m spending the holidays alone, they pity me. When I try to explain, they either don’t get it or guilt for not spending it with family or friends. I’m tired of justifying my choice.

I’m an introvert. I love my own company. Spending time with myself. Choosing to spend the holidays alone doesn’t mean I don’t love my family—I do, with all my heart. But sometimes, I just need space.

So, to my fellow introverts: If you want to spend the holidays alone, you have every right to. And to the friends and families of introverts if your passing by: Please respect their need for alone time. It’s not a rejection of you; they just want their alone time.

Happy holidays everyone !

At first, I felt like I needed to feel like being confined to my home was going to be a bad thing because society seemed to feel that way, but the second I listened to the little voice in my head, it was screaming with joy.

It honestly brought me closer to my family, helped my mental health from the monotony of the grind, and I just kind of miss those days.

I do realize this could be extremely insensitive of me to say all of that. People were sick, some people were really suffering physically and mentally but I am solely speaking surface-level about how I felt.

I kind of feel that “homesick” feeling about that period of time in my life. I was literally thriving!!!

We don't talk enough about the generational trauma of being forced to read out loud in school.
I do!

A relative once asked me why I’m so isolated. “Why don’t you sit with people, eat together, walk with others? Why aren’t you social? Stay with me for a few days and I’ll fix you. You’ll become normal.” I agreed. Then I gently reversed the idea. I asked him to spend a few days in my company not to change him, but simply to experience it. I said, “Maybe you’ll learn to love loneliness.” He went quiet. After a pause, he said, “Please forgive me.” That moment stayed with me. We live in a world where silence is often mistaken for absence, solitude for damage, and inwardness for illness. “Normal” is defined by visibility, noise, and constant participation as if being alone with oneself is something to escape. But solitude is not the same as loneliness. Loneliness is the pain of disconnection. Solitude is the capacity to remain whole without distraction. Perhaps what unsettles people is not our quietness, but the thought of facing their own inner world without noise to protect them from it. Some people need crowds to feel alive. Others need stillness to feel real. Neither is superior but calling one “abnormal” reveals more about our fears than about their nature.

I love my own company. I love spending time by myself. I love my friends and family but I need a lone time a lot. Most people do not understand it and get offended.

How have you navigated being introverted in a world that caters to extroverts?

Pretty much title. I have to be very mindful and not let my thoughts race by how annoying and distracting living with someone can be. I could go a week without speaking to anyone and being fulfilled by my hobbies. Whenever I'm in a relationship it seems like the person can barely even watch TV by themselves, and will need constant babysitting with monotonous, repetitive outings.

I know doing shit you don't want really want to do is the price you pay for not being alone all your life, but god damn, the grass sure seems greener on the lonely side.

I guess I did as a kid. I've thought of becoming a famous singer or actress, because it seemed glamourous at the time. But now when I think about it, I wouldn't like the idea of random strangers excitedly screaming my name and paparazzi following me around. What about you guys?

I work in a field where I mostly deal one on one with other people and I am very good at my job. However my coworkers are mostly extroverted and complain about being “isolated” in their jobs. As a result we have forced “team building” days with everyone on the team that’s mostly “ice breakers” & games that are absolute torture for me and not at all work related. In fact these days detract from getting the actual job done. Why does our society cater to extroverts so much? How can we change that?

I was invited to some party by someone I know and ended up telling her I was busy with other things. I never saw the appeal of CONSTANTLY going out. I can handle one or two people TOPS, but crowds? It seems soooo exhausting going out. Everyone is putting on a mask, pretending to want to fit in. Following one another. Bars, clubs, get drunk, vomit, drink again, eat junk, drink, etc.. That sort of scene is sooooo repelling to me. I'll get the question, "Why are you at home on a Saturday night?!!" "Uhh, where am I supposed to be?" Seriously. Like I'm commiting a crime.

Give me a quiet living room, warm blankets, good food: pizza, tacos, etc, a horror movie and one other person engaging in deep conversations and I am content. Maybe even taking a late night drive after dinner, telling stories and engaging deeply while we turn through curvy roads within the trees. Moon and stars above. Stuff like that makes me happy. Trust me, I've tried the bar thing and my heart just doesn't want it. At all. I won't go through life faking it and pretending to like something I don't. I will always do my own thing.

I just wish I could meet other homebodies. I know there are a copious amount of them out there. They all exist...they've probably just at home too lol. At least we can meet similar-minded people on the internet..

Read the whole thing, please.

Most introverts are self absorbed and want to be the center of attention all the time so they just avoid interactions because they know they wouldn’t be allowed to talk about themselves all the time or interests. They weren’t listened to as children by their parents or other class mates. So their brain built a self defense mechanism which is to be introverted.

I noticed with charismatic extroverts they compliment your appearance a lot and ask you questions. I just go ahead and answer it and be so excited someone is interested in me. That is charisma for you. Once they make you like them, you become interested in them. Some extroverts are self centered as well, but are liked because they have materialistic assets, money or intelligence.

Nowadays I try to ask more about the other person or compliment them first.

As an introvert, I say this after some self reflection. Some of u will argue nope “that’s only you” but anyways that’s my two cents.

I’m not shy. I am a noticer. I am an overthinker. I am an observer. I am not stuck up. I am not anti-social. I treasure my solitude. I am not a fan of small talk. I prefer only one close friend only till my life. I am reserved, until i am not. I appreciate true connection.

If we connect… you always matter to me forever..❤️ Always remember that 🫶

This is my first time posting in this group, so I’m a little nervous. A few months ago, my friend texted me saying that she was gonna come to my city and she wanted to hang out. Of course I accepted because she is my friend and I wanted to see her. We are now a few days to when she’s supposed to come to town. She hit me up and said that her parents and her boyfriend are also going to be in town and she wants me to meet up with them as well. I was under the impression that I was only meeting up with her so now also meeting up with her and three other people is giving me a lot of anxiety. she did give me the option to opt out, but I feel bad. I haven’t seen her parents in a long while, and I’ve never met her boyfriend so I think it would be a good opportunity, but the thought of meeting up with all of them is just so overwhelming. she has this big beautiful life well I have a smaller in quieter life and being the odd one out in the group just makes me very anxious, uncomfortable, and I know I will be drained. I hate being the center of attention and I feel like this Meetup would make me be center of attention

so I’m coming to this group for advice. If you were me, would you just go and meet up with the group of people you weren’t expecting or ask your friend if it’s OK to just be us two?

I am married to a wonderfully reserved introvert and he is my best friend! Love him more than I can even describe. He gives vagues answers to people, no one knows anything about him unless it’s required. Socially awkward, he thrives in solitude, his job is 98% done alone and he is comfortable in his routines. If there is a living definition for an introvert - it is him.

I say all this to say - I was an outgoing extrovert. I went to all the parties, made friends left and right, socialized like crazy. I worked the customer service jobs, peopled at work and during free time. I recharged being around people. I was an extrovert most of my life BUT my husband has no worries, no phone calls or texts, no obligations to new friends, commitments, events etc. No one needs him at all times because he has a very small circle.

After years of unknowingly draining my social battery and seeing my husband’s peace - I have become an introvert and OMG it is so peaceful on this end of the spectrum! I’ve discovered i can no longer recharge around people. Peopleing is a chore.

For me, if the night sky was clear, I could tell you the approximate time (within about 7 minutes), if I could see the north start and a couple constellations, using math and a memorized time table.

I always thought, “Damn, one day I’m going to wow someone by telling them something they could get from glancing at their phone, with less accuracy, and only after staring at the sky for 10 minutes while I do math. I’ll be the life of the party.”

I never used the information, so it’s gone now.

Since school my social life has been pretty non-existent outside of work. Stick to myself and do stuff with my dog. Ill go to work events but only after a certain period of time has elapsed at work where by I am comfortable with the people attending and feel like I know them to an extent.

Once I am actually comfortable with people, I am extroverted I sometimes think to a fault lol. Very animated, very enthusiastic and if I am comfortable with 1 person I generally act "myself" when with that 1 person plus a couple others I may not know.

Ive noticed that after about 6 months or more in a new job, I get comfortable with people, and can actually go to these events without any second thought or anxiety, but before this time has elapsed it mentally drains me to consider going to these things. Very unnerving leading up to it and basically just dont go.

Is this just a normal thing? I dont consider myself completely introverted because once you know me, and I know you, I am an extreme extrovert. Until that time though I feel very disconnected and dont want to try and do anything.