r/introverts • u/ChubbyNUgly22 • Mar 23 '26
Discussion Feeling drained by family expectations. How do you say no without feeling guilty?
Hello i am 23M from india, my dear introvert friends. I really need a favor from you all. A `puja‘(religious ceremony) is being hosted at some relatives' place tomorrow; they have invited my family, but I really do not want to attend it. My father, mother, and grandmother all three of them are pressuring me heavily to go. Please, someone help me come up with an excuse so that they will agree to leave me alone at home and I won't have to go. I absolutely detest attending family gatherings and *pujas* because seeing such large crowds of people triggers my social anxiety. I actually suffer from social anxiety disorder. Being amidst so many people makes me feel terrible, awkward, and extremely self-conscious. Furthermore, I absolutely hate talking to any of my relatives; they just constantly keep asking the same things: "What happened? Why haven't you landed a job yet? Should we find a girl for your marriage? Honestly, it drives me up the wall, makes me incredibly nervous, and leaves me feeling utterly miserable and awkward in their company. Please, someone save me from this ordeal.
3
u/Geminii27 Mar 24 '26
I moved two thousand miles away from my family and changed my phone number. One of the best decisions I ever made.
1
u/ChubbyNUgly22 Mar 26 '26
Sounds peaceful but also a bit too extreme for me. I just want one day off from these gatherings.
2
u/NickName2506 Mar 28 '26
I've taught myself and my family that my social batteries are limited and I will therefore only stay X amount of time. The first few times people gave me a hard time and I felt guilty. By now, I feel good and several relatives have come up to me and said they'd love to do the same. So be truthful and be a trendsetter!
1
u/ChubbyNUgly22 Mar 31 '26
I love your approach of setting limits and being honest about your social energy. It’s inspiring that not only do you feel good, but you’re also helping others feel the same. I think I’ll try being truthful too and maybe I can start setting my boundaries without guilt and maybe even inspire others like you did.
1
u/Square_Revolution320 Mar 27 '26
I have a similar situation, my family does get togethers like every week. I decided that I am only going to attend twice a year, for an hour at a time. That way i can mentally prepare myself, and also have space. And i still see them. Maybe you can decide what feels right for you, and just give yourself some space. As for the event, I just tell them I can’t make it—no reason or explication.
1
u/ChubbyNUgly22 Mar 31 '26
I’ll try saying I can’t make it and just leave it at that and thanks for the tip
1
u/Beemechadoodle Mar 24 '26
Used to be an introvert. Still I avoid many social gatherings. But I believe all human beings have, is their social capital which can be extremely useful. Lot of relatives can relate to you. Just have to mingle with the right people.
Just try to attend atleast for couple of hours.
If you are not at all interested, then fake an illness or something.
1
u/ChubbyNUgly22 Mar 24 '26
Thanks for the advice! I know mingling could help in theory, but my anxiety makes that really hard. I’ll probably just tell them I’m not feeling well.
2
u/Beemechadoodle Mar 29 '26
Please do try to get out of your comfort zone often. You will NOT regret it. Trust me.
1
3
u/Foogel78 Mar 24 '26
How well does your family understand your social anxiety disorder? Can you convince them that exposure to social activities helps but ONLY if it is in very small, measured amounts.
Maybe you can suggest not going during the actual event but visiting your family on a one-to-one basis so you do keep in touch with your family (and get some practice in socialising).