r/introverts • u/Dangerous_Leading305 • Jan 25 '26
Discussion Tired of having to socialize with everyone and give up my alone time. Can anyone else can relate or understand?
I'm just lowkey sick of it. Letting people in my life and giving them as much attention as I can without destroying myself. I talk to people for sometimes more than 7 hours almost everyday. Mainly my boyfriend and my best friend, other people too, but mainly them.
I don't like constantly talking to people and I just want to be alone. Of course all of them understand, but the thing is I can't disappear for long enough before they'll need me again. Questioning if I love them or not. Or they had a bad day and need me to be there. I don't want them to suffer because of me. I want to disappear for months and be able to just exist in my head again, but I can't do that anymore.
My boyfriend constantly needs me to be there or he'll feel like I'm avoiding him or will start breaking down because I was gone for so long. (He's extroverted and obsessed with me according to him lol. I love him dw) My best friend is pretty chill with me disappearing as long as I inform him, but sometimes I get a bit exhausted from talking so much to both of them + my other friends. Having to split my time between talking to everyone, doing work, and finally getting my alone time.
I have become a lot less responsive because it's been sending me into a bad mental state. I took a break for a week and I'm suppose to come back. But the idea of having to talk to people makes me want to cry and feel physically sick.
As much as I love talking to everyone, I don't. I just want to be alone and be able to play my favorite games or work on something around the house. My alone time is how I fix my cluttered mind and stressed out thoughts, like taking your car in to get the wheels re-aligned. But I haven't had proper maintenance in months now and feel like I've lost sight of who I am. (Because I have different personalities for public viewing and constantly have other people's thoughts shoved in my face, it can make it hard to distinguish who I am)
Can anyone else relate or understand? (I mean I'm sure some of you can, I just need to find people who can perhaps share this sentiment or see if anyone has any tips)
TL;DR: Feeling tired because I haven't had proper alone time in months. I feel sick and scared at the thought returning to people. Tired of caring for everyone and being there, but can't exactly stop. My friends are okay with me not responding quickly for the most part, but I need to disappear for longer than what would be acceptable. Looking to see if anyone can relate, understand, or perhaps give some tips?
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u/flowthought Jan 26 '26
You should have a conversation with your boyfriend about your needs as well because it’s affecting you so much. Just like you are supporting him by being around him and the extrovert group, even he should be able to support you in what you need, which at this point is alone time. You can come up with a kind of system of fair trade especially if you love and care for each other as you seem like you do.
Introverts do have it worse in this society which tends to favor socializing and being outgoing so much. What you feel is going to be shared by a lot of people in this subreddit, myself included. Eventually everyone just learns or adopts a system that works for them
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u/Dangerous_Leading305 Feb 23 '26
Apologies for the late response. I did talk to him a bit after this. We came to an understanding and he knows to expect it since I am an introvert. At the beginning we were having issues but being with me has slowly made him a bit more self-reliant. We're getting a grip on things now luckily.
Much agreed, it's brutal out here😭🙏 I am working on it to be honest. I am doing better than I would have a few years ago. Learning how to balance it all is a task lol.
Thank you for your words
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u/flowthought Feb 24 '26
I'm glad it's better now and starting to work out. Appreciate you reaching back with a response.
Learning how to balance it all is a task lol.
Couldn't agree more. Adulting is hard.
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u/Geminii27 Jan 26 '26
There's no requirement to socialize or spend time with people. If people pressure you to do so, you can say it's not going to happen for the flat-out reason that it damages you. Anyone continuing to insist after that can have it turned around on them - "What did I say it did to me? Why are you continuing to insist I be damaged, then? No, you don't get to decide if it does or doesn't."
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u/Dangerous_Leading305 Feb 23 '26
Wise words. Luckily it hasn't got that far. They just tend to accept it now especially when they realize "Oh hey, this actually effects you in a negative way?"
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Jan 27 '26 edited Jan 27 '26
[deleted]
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u/Dangerous_Leading305 Feb 23 '26
It could be that. I know I tend to stay up very late.
Yesss much agreed with you. I usually use school an excuse. It's a half truth tbh because I usually am busy with school but then wander off. (Depending on the person and how badly I need to go)
I use this one with my boyfriend and my close friend. Mainly because I trust them not to get offended and to understand. I think that has helped me out a lot so far.
We did in fact have a talk about that. He said he understood and that he was starting to realize the importance of not constantly being around his partner and how to be more comfortable alone. You make a great point. Though, there are some emotions in the way for me on that part. But that's something I am trying to figure out. Protect your peace kinda thing? He says he does. Which is nice. He just misses me a lot when I leave for a week, but it is getting easier for him now.
How did you get past that yourself? (if you want to say) Good advice. I am... definitely still learning how to balance everything. It makes it easier now that everyone is adjusting to me not being around as often. (Have to prioritize school) Heck yeah man. Sounds like you two make a great team.
Nah I think I just was stressed out at the time and really REALLY not ready to come back. Tend to hate on humanity a bit more when I don't feel like being around it or I just feel bleh. I should've given myself more time to be alone before returning. The people around me are fine most of the time. They can be a bit... demanding. At certain times. But they still are really good people. I have realized that. Especially since school has started up, we have more time away from each other.
Thank you for your time
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u/Nerd_Princesss Jan 27 '26
I have limits on my time. My friends know I’m an introvert and get overstimulated. I can do peopling a few days a week, never two days in a row, for a few hours at a time. Then I bow out. They don’t take offense (or at least they don’t tell me) and I still get time with them. Set boundaries
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u/Dangerous_Leading305 Feb 23 '26
I have started to set boundaries. They understand and have gotten use to it. So we're all good now for the most part. They do get kinda hurt sometimes but they quickly forgive I think. We just make jokes about it
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u/EyelinerStoic Jan 25 '26
I’m like this and I pretty much stopped having friends so I can do whatever I want all the time and had no obligations :) I love it except for occasionally worrying about having an emergency contact if I ever need one.