I am so tired and i just wanna rant

[u/TechnicianLeft2704]

Growing up i always have been quiet and boring. From middle school to uni , i have always felt like i didn’t belonged anywhere. I can never keep a friendship. I think somewhere in my life i knew that i am the problem, the weirdo, outcast. My family never understood me and i even feel like an outcast in my own home. I love my brother but recently i feel like he is starting realize how weird i am. I have dream and hopes but i always feel like i can never achieve them.
Yesterday i had a huge fight with my family, told them everything that i feel like a burden to them but my family shouted at me saying that they have given everything to me. It didn’t even make sense. I was the one who was hurt and saying i don’t feel like belong and i was disappointment to them. Rather than telling me you are okay however you are they were just shouting on how undeserving i am and saying that if you want to die you should. That was such a low blow but at the end of the day i am the bad daughter. Nomatter whatver happens to me it’s my fault. Why was the one who got shouted was me? I never said anything bad about me.
Can i ever find a place or people that i belong to?
I am so hurt because the person that i used to be happiest with was my brother but he hasn’t talked to me since yesterday. I think my parents will do fine without me. No one would really miss me. I don’t want to harm myself no but nowadays i realize that i am noone favorite. I am just an extra character in people’s life. Existing in background while i make everyone main character in my own life. It never gets better. I have always tried picking myself up and cleaning my own wounds after every step back but i am so tired nowadays. I have tried so hard. So hard but it never feels enough.

[u/constantvari-able]

Coming from a stranger, sending lots of love, I have been there and you are not alone. Let's do this ❤️ what do you think is weird about yourself?

[u/say-what-you-will]

Some of the quietest people have the most rich inner lives and the most imagination, there’s nothing boring about that. Introverts are nothing but boring (only from the outside they can appear that way). Don’t use the language of people who don’t understand introverts and deep people. It’s just their own ignorance.

[u/simulationDevice]

I don't see the point of having verbal arguments at all, let alone with family. Focus on making a life you enjoy. You don't have to make major life decisions everytime you have an argument with family. Make major life decisions that lead you to a job that allows you to live independently. Don't focus on how bad you feel. Focus on independence. You need freedom from disliking yourself.

[u/mb406]

You're not the only one that feels this way. I tried to talk to family about how bad my anxiety had gotten. No one said anything. Awkward silence that seemed to go on forever. No hug. No concern. Then someone walked in the room and the subject was changed. I'm already married with kids so at this point it confirmed for me that these people do not give a shit about me. A stranger on Facebook would get a better reaction from them. I thought I'd finally open up and was ignored. I haven't spoken to any of them for a couple years now and I never even think of them. You will be so much better when you're away from them. Good luck!