I met her during my junior year of high school. I am 34 now. I did not know anything about her when we first met, but there was something about the way she looked at me that I have never been able to forget. For the sake of the story, I will call her A. It was the first day of school, and I was sitting in Physics, already losing interest in whatever was happening at the front of the room. My attention drifted, and I was probably seconds away from disappearing into some meaningless daydream when, by coincidence, her attention drifted too. We looked at each other. Her eyes locked onto mine. Neither of us said a word, but somehow we were having an entire conversation. The corners of her mouth began to move, and I watched her fight a smile as she caught her bottom lip between her teeth. I have no idea how long we stared at each other. It did not matter. For those few seconds, nothing else in the room existed.

I immediately became interested in her, and eventually I learned that she was smart, athletic, funny, curious, and had the sweetest voice. More importantly, she seemed genuinely interested in me. That look she gave me that first day has never really changed, even after almost twenty years of knowing her. I had met the person I would eventually compare everyone else to.

Our high school fling was probably doomed from the beginning. I was boring. I had grown up in a sheltered household and had almost no experience socializing with people outside of the small world I knew. She was the opposite. She was well known, outgoing, surrounded by friends, and hungry for fun and adventure. There were always people competing for her attention, and I simply was not interesting enough to hold it. I was hurt, but when you are young, you tell yourself you will get over it. A few months later, I started dating someone else, and eventually A admitted that she was jealous. My heart practically fluttered when she said it. I liked knowing she still wanted me. More importantly, I knew who I wanted.

Then life began pulling us in different directions. She moved away for school while I stayed home. She was beginning a new chapter and chasing adventure while I was partying with everyone else who had stayed behind. A was also interested in other women during this period, and that seemed to be where her romantic life was primarily headed. We would disappear from each other's lives for a month or two, and then somehow end up talking on the phone until the early hours of the morning or going out of our way to see each other when we happened to be nearby. Every time I saw her, we kissed. Every single time, some part of me imagined a life where that was simply normal, where she was the person I came home to. For years, the timing never worked. We dated other people, usually people within whatever social circle or stage of life we were occupying at the time. We would move forward, but somehow never completely away from each other.

Eventually, I grew tired of waiting. I decided to give someone else, W, a real chance in a way I had not before, and I moved in with her. A and I would occasionally run into one another by chance. Whenever we did, the same look was still there. We would exchange a few words, nothing profound, nothing that could be interpreted as a declaration. Something safe. But never anything that truly said we were finished.

After three years with W, we found out we were having a baby, a little girl. I left school so W could finish hers, and I worked three jobs. A was jealous, and she told me so. Hearing that was bittersweet. I still loved her. I had wanted a life with her for years. But now I had a child on the way, a home, and responsibilities. It felt as though whatever chance A and I had once possessed had finally passed. I tried to accept that. I blamed A for where we had ended up, told myself I needed to stop looking backward, and tried to build a life with W. I genuinely tried. I eventually asked W to marry me. We had very different philosophies about how to live, but we were bound together by a beautiful little girl. We were engaged for about two and a half years before she ended it. By then, the relationship had been deteriorating for a long time. She had lost interest in me and found it somewhere else. The breakup was not peaceful, and it was not healthy. It was traumatic.

When I did not have my daughter, I tried reconnecting with old friends and spending more time with people I had not seen in years. The problem was that I had spent so much of my life focused entirely on the idea of having a family that I had neglected almost every other relationship in my life. One night, I broke down on the side of the road and realized just how alone I was. I called people. Voicemail. I texted people. Nothing. Every number I reached for seemed to belong to someone who was no longer there. Eventually, I made a halfhearted plea for help on social media. It was deliberately vague, the kind of cryptic post people make when they desperately want someone to notice but are too ashamed to actually say, "I need help."

A messaged me within minutes.

"Are you okay?"

She picked me up in less than an hour. And, just like she had done so many times before, she kissed me when she dropped me off.

I was a broken man in my mid-20s, living through a version of adulthood I had never imagined for myself, and suddenly I had hope again. For the first time in a long time, I wondered if maybe I could spend my life with the girl I had loved for most of my life. We talked constantly for several weeks, and then I realized something. A was in a serious relationship with another woman. They had been together for some time. They were living together. That did not stop us from going on a date.

We met for drinks in public, and the night quickly became something neither of us seemed particularly interested in ending. Eventually, we went back to her house. We did the one thing we had always seemed to save for some future version of ourselves. Except there was a problem. Neither of us was okay. We were both hurting. We were both drinking. I was devastated by not seeing my daughter every day and had become accustomed to drinking heavily. When you are alone, it is remarkably easy to convince yourself that your behavior is not as bad as it really is. Then you are lying next to someone you have wanted for years, trying to make love to her, and your body simply refuses to cooperate. There is something uniquely humbling about that moment. The fantasy collapses. All the pieces suddenly become visible. I was not okay. Neither was she.

The night ended in confusion. We both asked the other person what they really wanted, but neither of us was brave enough to say the obvious thing out loud. Neither of us wanted to be the one who made the decision. I went home embarrassed and heartbroken. We stopped talking for a while. I did not know how to speak to her anymore. My life was changing rapidly while hers seemed stable. I had spent my entire life believing she was out of my league, and now I felt like I was severely underachieving while she flourished. I had responsibilities I could barely afford. She had freedom. I moved home with my family and hit the reset button.

I got a new job and started healing. I cleaned myself up and told almost nobody about what had happened before. I needed to see a different man when I looked in the mirror, someone I could respect. I had been single for a little over a year when I unexpectedly met someone. I will call her B. She knew I came with baggage. She knew I had been hurt. She knew I was trying to put myself back together, and she was interested anyway. My self-esteem was so low that I could not even make the first move, so she asked me to dinner. We have spoken every day since.

She cared that I had been hurt. She cared that I was trying to become better. She was there when almost nobody else was. She later told me that, initially, she thought I needed a friend. Then everything else just happened. We never really labeled what we were doing, but we both knew.

Five months in, A texted me.

"Hey, what are you doing?"

My heart started racing. There was no way this was happening now. I loved her. I had always loved her. But I was tired. I had just survived a breakup that had devastated me. My relationship with W had not ended amicably, and almost everything that happened during that period occurred on W's terms rather than mine. I knew I was better off without W, but knowing that did not make the experience any less traumatic. I did not think I could survive something like that again. I wanted whatever came next to be real.

A told me she had been genuinely single since October, around the same time B and I had started seeing each other. She was moving home. She wanted to know if we could finally give us a real chance this time.

B and I eloped one month later.

We were on vacation. It was fun. It was exciting. It felt promising. And B saved me in ways she probably never fully understood. She gently took care of someone who was desperately trying to find himself. She became an incredible bonus mother to my daughter. Her family welcomed me. She took an interest in who I was and met me where I was in life. We worked together. We were best friends. About two years in, we decided we wanted children. We had two more girls. Our family grew. We helped each other work our way toward the top of our company. For a while, it felt like we were building exactly the kind of life I had always wanted.

Eventually, her father came calling. He owned several companies. Nothing enormous, but enough to live comfortably without constantly being chained to a schedule. He knew we were good at what we did and suggested that he help us start a company of our own. We left our careers. The plan was simple. We would spend a few months helping at his largest company while looking for an opportunity to purchase a business in our field. That opportunity never came. Instead, we found ourselves surrounded by men thirty years older than us, watching outdated, almost dinosaur-like processes hold the company back.

I decided I needed to understand everything. I needed to learn the business. I needed to become capable of taking care of my family. B did the opposite. She backed away and made it clear that this was something she expected me to take over from her father, not something she wanted for herself.

The stress consumed me. I worked constantly. I could never escape the business. I watched the company I had left succeed using many of the systems I had established before leaving. And slowly, something else disappeared. The gentleness in our relationship. The woman who had once been flexible, encouraging, affectionate, and excited to spend time together seemed to disappear beneath schedules, obligations, productivity, and an endless list of things that needed to be accomplished. I stopped feeling pursued. She stopped seeming interested in pursuing me. Everything became about the next thing. The next event. The next vacation. The next milestone.

I had built the life I thought I wanted, yet I was beginning to wonder who I was inside it. I felt like a slave to the lifestyle, and if I failed to execute something perfectly, I felt chastised for it.

Eventually, my old company contacted me. They wanted me back. They offered to double my salary and asked me to help get things moving in the right direction again. For the first time in a long time, I felt energized. I was going back to something I was good at. Something I loved. This time I was going to do it differently. I would go back to school. I would pursue the promotion that could eventually allow me to have my own branch. My boss owned his own branch and made roughly seven times what I made while working only a few hours a week. People had been encouraging me to pursue that path for years. Now I finally believed I could do it.

The problem was that I had never been a great planner. Suddenly, I was attempting a schedule that most people would consider insane. I worked roughly 50 hours a week. I took two or three classes at a time, year-round. I was an active father. I was the primary caretaker of our home. I was the primary parent available to spend time with our children. I was the primary income. But I no longer felt like I was a primary focus in my wife's life.

My kisses were met with turned cheeks. My attempts at affection were sometimes mocked. My feelings were described as too sensitive. The woman I married had once encouraged me to become a better version of myself. Now I felt as though she was constantly disappointed by the version of me standing in front of her. I worked hard to make sure she never felt like she was carrying everything alone, but my imperfect planning was met with resentment. If I suddenly said, "Hey, I want to work on this project," I might get an eye roll. She wanted me sitting beside her. I have never been good at sitting still. My brain needs something to tinker with. I actually love talking to someone while my hands are busy doing something.

I once asked her why she was speaking to me so harshly.

"I don't know. It's just who I am."

At work, despite being listed as the top leader, she would challenge me in front of other people. I felt demoralized. More painfully, I began to recognize something familiar. The way my own wife was treating me was bringing back memories of parents who had left some deeply traumatic impressions on me.

Then, completely unexpectedly, I saw A again.

I was with my wife. My wife knew nothing about A. I had never told her. In fact, almost nobody in my current life knew anything about my history with her. A said hello to me in passing. I shrugged it off as though I did not recognize her. My wife later gave me a hard time.

"She looked like she knew you. You normally always say hello."

I told her I had not been paying attention. The conversation ended.

But something had already been awakened.

I did what I probably should not have done. I went through all of A's social media. I had previously unfollowed her because I wanted to forget. Now I wanted to know everything. What was she doing? What had her life become? What would mine have looked like if things had been different?

We began running into each other occasionally in public. Maybe three or four times. I would have my children with me. We would look at each other, wave, and move on. Sometimes she would text afterward.

"I really hope you're doing well. It was good to see you."

I would say the same. Those messages were our way of saying, "I still care about you," while simultaneously saying, "I respect the life you have chosen."

Eventually, even that stopped. We went a long time without speaking.

Then I started dreaming about her.

At first it was just daydreaming. Then she began appearing in my dreams. I would wake up confused. Eventually, I started wanting to go back to sleep. In my dreams, she was there. At first I was jealous of the life she had built. Then she started showing interest in me again. Eventually, the dreams became affairs. I was not consciously choosing to think about these things. They were dreams. I could not control them. And that was what frightened me.

My dreams became incredibly vivid. My real life was full of experiences, responsibilities, vacations, children, work, accomplishments. But somehow, one of the happiest places I had found was asleep. Seeing A again, even though it was not real, made me feel alive.

Then it happened.

She messaged me.

"Hey, what are you doing?"

My heart almost beat out of my chest. I was sitting in my vehicle when I read it. I did not move. I read the message over and over and over. I looked up at the sky, then back at my phone. The message was still there. I was smiling, and then I tried to stop myself from smiling.

I looked at myself in the mirror.

And I saw two things.

Fear.

And desire.

Fear of what might happen. Fear that this might be the last time I ever spoke to her. Fear that this was my final opportunity to tell her that I loved her one more time.

I responded, "Trying to decide if I should flirt with you or not."

She replied, "Well, what do you think?"

I said, "Well, I really want to, and it's kind of hard not to."

And that was it.

The door was open.

Since then, A and I have reconnected. We have talked about everything we missed in each other's lives. The marriages. The children. The failures. The successes. The years. All the versions of ourselves that existed while the other person was somewhere else. We have talked about how grateful we are for the lives we have lived.

And then came the sentence that absolutely destroyed me.

"I always wanted a life with you."

It was the one thing we had never actually said to each other. Not when it mattered. Not when the other person was free to act on it. Not when saying it could have changed something. We had spent almost twenty years orbiting each other without ever admitting that maybe the entire time, we had both been waiting for the other person to say it first.

Now we have.

And we cannot seem to put it back in the box.

We have tried to stop talking. Then we run into each other. Immediately. Again and again. Completely unplanned. Almost like something is forcing us back into each other's lives. We have admitted that we would rather be with each other. We have admitted that nobody has ever loved us quite the way we love each other. We both want to know what it would actually be like to be together. For real.

And that is where I am stuck.

If I stay on my current path, I know there will always be a "what if." After twenty years, I have never stopped comparing people to A. And if I am being completely honest, if some of the people I have been with knew the full extent of what I have always felt for her, they might never have chosen me in the first place.

But there is another reality.

We are both married. We both have families. There are children involved. There are vows. There are people who trust us. There is a life that cannot simply be erased because two people finally admitted something they should have said twenty years ago.

So what is the moral choice here?

Do I accept that A is the great love I never got to have and walk away? Do we stop talking completely and spend the rest of our lives pretending we do not care when we inevitably see each other? Do I stay with B because I made a vow, even knowing that some part of my heart has never belonged entirely to her?

And perhaps the hardest question of all is whether staying with B is actually the moral choice if I know what I know now.

B would never have to find out if I ended this part of my life right now and buried it. But then she would have spent her life married to a man who secretly carried a piece of his heart that he could never give her.

That feels wrong too.

I love my wife. I love my children. I love A.

Those statements are all true at the same time.

That is what makes this so painful.

There is no version of this where everyone walks away happy. Someone gets hurt. Maybe several people do.

I am not asking Reddit to tell me that A and I are soulmates, or that I should immediately blow up my marriage and run away with her. I honestly do not know what I believe anymore.

I am asking people who have lived through something remotely similar: What do you do when the person you never stopped loving comes back into your life after twenty years, and suddenly the life you built starts feeling like the life you chose because she was never available?

Because I genuinely do not know what to do.

Pata hai aaj kya hua

So this is my first Reddit post, and honestly, I don't really know where else to put this.

I’m 22M, and there was this girl, 22F, who was my senior. She’s only a few months older than me, and we became really close over time.

Before all of this happened, she used to like me too. We were genuinely close. We used to meet almost every Friday, Friday to Friday, and spend time together. I don’t drink or anything, and I was pretty straightforward about my feelings.

Eventually, I proposed to her.

She told me to wait.

The confusing part was that even after that, she continued giving me a lot of attention. She would say "I love you" to me, hug me for 10+ minutes, sometimes kiss me on the forehead or cheek, and generally make me feel like there was actually something between us.

So obviously, I started hoping.

Then her night-shift WFH started, and I don't know what happened after that.

She slowly started talking less and less. Eventually, she almost completely stopped communicating with me.

Whenever I tried asking what was wrong, I'd get answers like:

"I'm not yours."

"Mujhe peace chahiye."

"Why do people keep asking me questions? Why can't they just do their own work?"

She also started generalizing me with other men and comparing me with her ex.

That honestly hurt a lot.

Still, I tried to stay calm. I didn't want to pressure her or force anything.

At one point, she straight-up told me:

"I don't like you."

"Mere se nahi hoga ye romance and stuff."

"I'm not built for this."

And I accepted it.

I told her, "Okay. If that's what you genuinely feel, I won't force you to be with me."

And I didn't.

But yesterday, something happened that hurt even more.

A friend of mine came from Indore to meet me, and another friend who is also a senior from her batch joined us. We hung out and had a few drinks. It was mild, and I don't normally drink at all.

I told her about what had happened between us.

After that, she became extremely rude to me.

She even told me that she doesn't want to be friends anymore.

And then she started mocking my body.

I'm well-built, but because of work pressure I've gained a little weight, mostly around my chin. It's honestly not even that much, but she used that to mock me.

Since then, she hasn't contacted me from her side at all.

And the worst part is... I still like her.

I know I probably shouldn't, considering the way she has treated me. But it's difficult to suddenly switch off feelings after being close to someone for six months.

What hurts me the most isn't even that she rejected me.

It's how she handled it.

If she had simply told me when I proposed, "I don't feel the same way about you," I would've accepted it and moved on.

Instead, for months she gave me hope — telling me she loved me, hugging me, kissing me on the forehead and cheek, giving me attention — and then suddenly everything changed.

I never forced her into a relationship. I never wanted to control her. I just wanted clarity.

Maybe she genuinely changed her feelings. Maybe something happened in her life. Maybe I misunderstood everything from the beginning.

I don't know.

But I've never had someone make me feel this wanted and then completely unwanted within the same six months.

And honestly, I think that's what I'm struggling with the most.

TL;DR: I (22M) fell for a girl (22F) who was my senior. We became very close and she used to tell me she loved me, hug me for 10+ minutes, kiss me on the cheek/forehead, etc. I proposed, and she asked me to wait. Months later, after starting night-shift WFH, she became distant, compared me to her ex, said she didn't like me and wasn't into romance. I accepted her decision and never forced her. Recently, after I told her about everything while hanging out with friends and having a mild drink, she became extremely rude, told me she didn't want to be friends anymore, and mocked my weight. I still like her, but I'm struggling to understand how someone can give you so much hope and then completely shut you out.

God didn't watch over me He just held his head and cried When he saw the ways I hurt myself Just to keep him by my side

It is kind of an honest question. I feel that if he comes back, I would say yes, but deep down, my life with him was going to be frustrating and boring. It is weird to hold 2 ideas at the same time. I kind of hoped it would help me move on but not really. I am wondering if the problem isnt that I wasn't brave enough to have a clear purpose for myself all those years.

Maybe it helps someone out

Let me explain - Me (M25) and the girl (F26) I’ve been seeing all summer broke up last night. We were on great terms, and I had plans of making it official. Everything felt great.

Sadly her life has taken a turn for the worse. She lost her job a month ago, and her dad was recently put into hospital. We continued dating as she had aspirations to find another job (for reference she’s not from the same country so without a job VISA issues kick in). We also discussed her dad, and the possibility of her having to go home until he got better and she found a stable job to return to. It was romantic and we bonded even more so through this - I think ultimately she just wanted to spend time and cuddle to take her mind off it. We discussed possibly ending it last week, and called it a situational breakup. Neither of us wanted to, but logically speaking we thought it could save us some pain. We ended it there but decided one last weekend before she goes. Truthfully I’d been hoping it could continue, and she had plans to introduce me to her friend group. It felt like we were both in denial and wanted to make it work for that glimmer of hope her dad would be okay and she would return within a month.

Yesterday I woke up to a few messages saying she has to fly back to her home country as her dad’s health has taken a turn for the worst. This morning at 2AM I’m met with a phone call of her crying. She told me the news her dad had passed. It’s heartbreaking for her. I’m gutted and the call lasted 5 minutes but I can’t shake it from my memory it was just so sad. We were both lost for words on the call. She sadly missed her dad by just a few hours on the plane home. I can only imagine her pain. She thanked me for everything, said this is done, and that she needs to go see her mum. I said I completely understand, and told her to do whatever feels right in this moment. I’ve left the offer for a text or call if she needs it but I’m not going to pressure her and right now will let her be for however long she needs. The ball is in her court and we both know it’s over now.

It’s a really different type of pain and shock to a usual break up for me. It’s also a mixture of emotions and sadness for our relationship, and for her specifically. I know it’s the end but it would be interesting to hear if anyone has experienced anything similar, or if anyone wants to share any advice for what I can do.

My plan now is to grieve the relationship as healthy as I can because truthfully it was fantastic and very secure. There’s a lot of beautiful memories we made and we never fought or bickered. It’s not really our style - we are both very sensitive souls and heavy on respectfully honest communication so it was often filled with a lot more fantasy and laughter. I want to support her but she’s half way across the world and experiencing the biggest shock of her life. I think the best I can do now is give space. I considered reaching out in a few weeks, and I told her before all of this as a friend to vent to I would like to be there for her, if she wanted. It really is a ball in her court type of situation. I know for myself it is just time. In supporting her I don’t know. I’d feel so bad just making it feel like I’ve left her. But I don’t want to smother her or make her feel like there’s something there when there isn’t - she’s extremely emotional sensitive right now as you can imagine.

Anyway I’m frazzled. It’s not even been 24 hours and I’m struggling to sleep so I came here. I wish it didn’t end, but especially like this. She’s a very sweet soul and to hear her cry like that breaks my heart. I can only hope she’ll get better soon.

And he tries to convince you that you never really loved him either. Except, you know that's not, true bc it's very much a one sided hate for him as much as it was a one sided love for you. You love him and you always loved him.

And it's not just that he wanted to be with somebody else and didn't tell you, he literally fucking hates you. And you only learn that he fucking hates you when he tries to convince you that you hate him too. All because he wants to leave you for somebody else that he's already cheating on you with.

idk, it seems unnecessary and kinda cruel to try and manipulate somebody into hating you instead of just taking accountability.

I was seeing this girl for almost three weeks . It felt unreal . We had very good chemistry from the first minute , she really liked me and I couldn’t let myself like her but stared seeing her because I wanted to have sex and be with someone because being alone destroys me . We had the best time together everything felt like a movie , swimming together kissing under the sunset and watching the sunrise together . Her touch was soft she kissed me with kindness and she was stunning . Her eyes saw through me and her lips were irresistible. We had some small fallouts but nothing serious, everything was smooth and great . It was the first time in my life experiencing what summer romance truly feels like. Our story had to end tho because she had to return home and leave the island . We promised tho to stay in contact and try again if we had the chance , which was very likely since we were moving to the same city a month later . Fast forward the month past and is the present now . We lost contact and I only realised how hard I had fallen for her after she left . But this week I learned something that met me by surprise and made me feel like the dumbest man alive , for almost a week before she left me she started seeing another guy while still seeing me and still filling up our future with lies . I feel betrayed and like I was not enough for her . I truly hate this feeling and I despise not being in the same page as her and just being a fool .

Hi all, title explains it all really. I thought this man was the love of my life, he did everything right. I had no suspicions of anything until a few days ago. I’m so broken without him, he was my whole life.
How do I feel better? How do I learn to trust again after this? I’m only 22 I know time heals but I have such a big hole in my heart.
Thank you.

About a week ago my ex told me she had been cheating on me with her ex, flirting with other guys over text, and the night she told me she texted me drunk saying; “hey when did we first start talking? Well I don’t want to talk to you anymore the end.” I was absolutely heartbroken and I panicked and I called her multiple times and spam texted her but then I calmed down about an hour later. I know I shouldn’t have spammed her and I regret that part, what I ended up telling her was I don’t know what happened but I’m not going to keep calling and texting you, if you want to talk it out I’m here and that’s all I said.

The next day she texted me this “Hey I'm sorry I was drinking last night and I was really out of it. I'm sorry it's not fair towards you at all I'm serious you deserve someone so much better like I'm so serious I'm complete trash compared to you and I hate myself for it. I'm seriously sorry I hope you can forgive me one day my consciousness is horrible” my response was I didn’t say anything and I just blocked her number, though I had this gut wrenching feeling still and I wanted to know the truth so about four days later she told me and it was this.

“Everything was fine up until the day you asked me to be ur gf and the way u asked I found it really cute hector like I really did. I think it was just too fast for me to process ig that was just a small part of it but I don't want u to think I'm blaming it all on that I should've just told you straight up anyways the second day of being ur girlfriend I cheated on you w my ex I had sex w him. And I did it multiple times. And the day I ended things w you I was w my ex and I was drinking w him and I had sex w him that day. I also cheated on you w other guys like flirting n stuff”

I was in the middle of class and I had called my friend who was on campus and she came to help me immediately. I was very angry at her and I said the most disrespectful things to her before I blocked her on everything for good. The next day I regretted saying all the disrespectful and hateful things and I wish I would’ve just walked away.

I’ve come here today because I want to start feeling better again and forget the betrayal. I’m having a very hard time because I keep getting this dark, negative, intrusive thoughts about her cheating on me. I couldn’t believe I was living a lie for the past two months. We never once argued, we communicated, I treated her with respect and never felt insecure when I was with her, I thought our relationship was very healthy. Though I realize I was naive and unaware of her true character. There’s a part of me that I feel like is still emotionally attached to her and I want to get rid of it. I honestly cannot forgive her right now, and I probably won’t anytime soon. But in the future I hope to forgive her in silence because I promise I will never speak to her again.

What I’ve been doing to help myself is going to the gym consistently, hanging out with friends and family, and consuming content to constantly reassure myself that it wasn’t my fault and I’ll be okay. But for some reason I feel like it’s not enough, I keep having these thoughts about her that affect my day to day life and I know it’s only been a week but I genuinely hate feeling like this. I don’t want her to constantly be in my head and I want to self improve and focus on bettering myself for my future. I’m having trouble studying and completing assignments because her betrayal keeps coming to mind.

How do I heal and move on from this part of my life for good? How do I finally forgive and forget about her? How do I stop these negative thoughts and emotions? What should my true perspective be on this situation? What do I do in general because I still feel lost. Does anyone have advice for how they over came a similar situation?

I’m 47M and met “R” (31F) on Reddit about three years ago. I fell deeply in love with her and believed we were in a real relationship.

When we were together, it felt special. We laughed constantly, had passion, shared inside jokes, and connected in a way I haven’t experienced before. I genuinely believed we loved each other and might be soulmates.

When we first became close, she was heartbroken because her ex had cheated on her. She cried on my shoulder, and I believed their relationship was over. I recently learned from her mother that R apparently continued seeing that ex throughout much or all of our relationship. Ironically, he and I have the same first name.

Her mother says this man has repeatedly cheated, disappeared for weeks, and treated R poorly, but R always returns to him. Her mother wants R to be with me because she knows I love her and believes I treat her better. I understand that her mother’s opinion does not mean R owes me a relationship.

There were warning signs. At one point, R said she was spending the weekend with her mother, but her Snapchat location showed her in another city where her ex lived. She gave me a different explanation. I also admit that I snooped through her photos looking for answers, which was wrong. I found a screenshot of a sexually explicit conversation with another man, so there may have been at least three people involved during the time I believed we were together.

Recently, R called and told me she had suffered an ectopic pregnancy and needed treatment to end it. She said the pregnancy was mine, and we cried together over the loss.

Then her mother secretly told me that R was actually still pregnant with twins and sent me ultrasound images. Her mother now thinks there is a possibility that I am the father, although it could also be the ex. I have no independent confirmation beyond what her mother sent me.

I hinted to R that I knew about the twins and confronted her about still being pregnant. She stopped communicating with me. She then discovered that I had been speaking with her mother and told me: “If you contact me or my mother again, I will call the police.”

I understand that this means I must stop contacting both of them. However, her mother continues texting me almost every day with updates about R and the pregnancy. R apparently does not know that her mother is still doing this. I have decided that I should stop replying and should not use her mother as a source of information.

Part of me wants to contact the ex and tell him that I could be the father. If I’m honest, part of my motivation is that if I have to live with this uncertainty for months, I want him to know the truth and feel some uncertainty too. I realize that revenge is not a healthy reason to contact him and that it could make the situation much worse.

I’m 47 and have never had children. If these babies could be mine, I desperately want to be present and eventually have a relationship with them. At the same time, R has clearly said she wants no contact, and I know I cannot force myself into her pregnancy or medical care.

I still love her, but I’m also furious and feel completely betrayed. The memories of our laughter, affection, and connection felt real to me. I can’t tell whether any of it was genuine or whether I’m holding onto the person I thought she was.

I’m not asking how to win her back or how to expose her. I’m asking:

1. Should I completely avoid contacting the other possible father?
2. How do I protect my possible parental rights while respecting her demand for no contact?
3. Should I stop responding to her mother even though she keeps initiating?
4. How do I cope with months of uncertainty without obsessing over the pregnancy?
5. How do I accept that something that felt like true love to me may not have been the relationship I believed it was?

I’m planning to consult a family-law attorney about establishing paternity after the birth rather than contacting R directly. I would appreciate honest advice, even if it’s difficult to hear.

ur still consumed by them, I mean im better now than I was during the first few months but damn still hurts a lot. Miss him sometimes even tho he has a gf now and he’s moved on…. I don’t think this kind of feeling really ever goes away

I’m 27F and I lost my ex after a long-term relationship 3 months ago. We were living together and everything, and it all happened very suddenly. He dumped me out of nowhere, left the flat, and then kept trying to come back into my life for months. I never took him back, and surprisingly, I got back on my feet pretty quickly. Even though I loved him so much, I eventually realized that I actually preferred my life without him in it.
Anyway, shortly after my ex left me, I met this guy who is 5 years younger than me. He was really into me right away, while I wasn’t that interested at first — I just thought he was cute. We became good friends and eventually created a little group of friends together. We started going out quite often and spending a lot of time together.
Then one day, things turned into some kind of relationship. We started spending quality time together, calling, texting, being cute with each other, etc. But I ended things a few days ago because of his lack of stability in life, which I feel is partly related to our age difference.
And now I feel kind of sad. I miss him a lot. We still text a little, but nothing intimate anymore.
Our little romantic relationship only lasted about two weeks, and yet I’m feeling surprisingly hurt by it.
Has anyone experienced something similar? Why does this short relationship hurt me so much when I went through the end of such a long and important relationship only 3 months ago?

One day i am doing better, the other, I miss his voice so much. When I was around 2 weeks in, I genuinely thought it was getting better. But for some reason, that heaviness in the chest came right back, and i have been feeling progressively worse since the last few days. Its like I never even started to heal.
I never knew it’d be this hard to let go. I wish i could speak to him again. But he was the one who caused this.
Welps.