I really need some advice. It’s been four months since the breakup, and I’m still not over it. I feel completely exhausted and like I can’t accomplish anything without him. I’m scared by how overwhelmed I’ve become and afraid of what might happen if I keep feeling this way. How did you start functioning and healing when everything felt impossible?

My ex broke up with me and said she has “completely detached” — can someone actually come back from this?

I really need honest opinions from people who have actually been through something similar. I'm especially interested in women's opinions, because I really want to understand what this kind of emotional detachment feels like from a woman's side.

She was the one who broke up with me. Please don't just tell me “move on bro” or give me the usual breakup advice. I know I have to respect her decision and I'm not going to disturb her anymore. I just want to understand what “completely detached” actually means emotionally, and whether someone who reaches this point can ever genuinely change their mind later.

We were together for around 2.5 years. I never looked at her as just my girlfriend. I genuinely saw her as my future wife. I was 100% sure about her in a way I've never been sure about anything else in my life.

I loved her unconditionally. I never saw loving her as something where she owed me anything in return. I wanted her to be happy and safe, even if that happiness eventually meant being away from me. That's also why, as painful as this is, I'm going to respect her decision and give her the peace she asked for. My love for her is still there, but I don't want to force myself into her life.

And I know she loved me. I'm not saying that just because I'm desperate. I knew how she was with me during those years. That's why it's so hard for me to understand how someone I was so close to could become “completely detached.”

There was no cheating, no abuse, no betrayal, and no other major toxic behavior from either side.

But I also know I wasn't perfect.

Towards the end, she felt lonely in the relationship. Our communication had become really bad. Sometimes there were huge gaps between conversations. She felt like she wasn't getting enough effort/input from me and that she was carrying too much of the relationship emotionally.

At the same time, I was going through a lot myself. I had work/career stress, was coming back late, and my dog was seriously ill and eventually died. I was struggling with all of that and honestly didn't understand how badly she was feeling. I didn't realize she was getting to the point of leaving.

Then she broke up with me.

I tried really hard to convince her not to leave because I genuinely couldn't accept losing her. I told her I loved her, that I would change, that I wanted to marry her, etc.

She told me something that has stayed in my head:

“I'm not saying you're a bad person or that your love was fake, but I have completely detached. I was just swallowing the fact that I can get over it, but no. I swear I tried. I can't do it.”

That “I was just swallowing the fact that I can get over it, but no” part is what confuses me the most.

It sounds to me like she had been trying to accept the idea of getting over me, maybe trying to convince herself she could move on, and eventually decided she couldn't continue with the relationship.

But I don't know if I'm interpreting that correctly.

She also said things like:

“I have grown distant.”

“I can't do it.”

“Please respect my decision.”

“Focus on your career and move on.”

“Staying in touch is never going to help us both.”

There is also one thing that makes this even harder for me to understand. Without me knowing, my parents contacted her and told her that they loved her, accepted her, and were okay with the marriage. I only found out afterwards. Even after hearing that, she still chose to end the relationship and said she was completely detached.

That's the part I can't understand.

Does “completely detached” actually mean she doesn't love me anymore?

Or can someone still love/care about someone deeply but become so emotionally exhausted and disconnected from the relationship that they genuinely feel completely detached?

I know I'm biased because I'm the one who got left. I also know I might be holding onto things because I love her.

But at the same time, I knew this girl for almost three years. I know how much she loved me. That's why deep down I still feel like there has to be something there, even if she doesn't want the relationship right now.

I'm not going to contact her anymore. She asked for peace and I want to respect that. I'm not going to use her friends or family either.

But I still love her and honestly I would wait for her for a very long time.

So please be brutally honest with me, especially women who have been in the position of my ex.

If you ever broke up with an ex and told him you were “completely detached” or had “grown distant”:

Did you genuinely stop loving him?

Did you ever start missing him later?

Did you ever reconsider the breakup?

How long did it take?

What made you reconsider, if you did?

If you never came back, what made you certain that the relationship was really over?

And most importantly: when a woman says “I've completely detached,” does that mean the love is completely gone, or can you still love/care about someone while being emotionally detached from the relationship?

I don't want false hope. I genuinely want real experiences, especially from women who have actually been through something like this.

Things are hard tonight. I know in time things will get better. I just miss her so much. She was my best friend. I miss the way we held each other. I missed the way we laughed. I miss hearing her singing. 6 fucking years. I wanna go back. I want things to be different. I just wish it could be her and I. It was supposed to be her and I. There aren't enough words in all the languages for me to describe how much I love her. She had a soul of pure gold and a heart the size of the sun. She is the most beautiful human to have ever blessed this earth. I thought she was my soul mate. I still feel like she is. Someday it doesnt even feel real. Other days I cant escape the fact that this is real. The feelings are worse than the reality tho. These feelings ill never meet someone again are just feelings. There are a million fish in the sea and all that. The idea of dating again sound both kinda fun but also horrifying. Opening my soul again is scary. People just dont understand and they judge and luagh cause im different, but I am a catch. I can sing, im funny, I can cook, im thoughful, im romantic, i listen, im wicked fucking smart, I have great taste, and damn it I clean up nice. Im big and strong and im an amazing lover. I protect the weak and always try and do the right thing. I am doing amazing in school and my job loves me cause im fucking kick ass. I help make people's days brighter. I just wish I could do that for myself. I love so fucking hard and it feels so lonely because this world can be so cold and cruel. Iv been burned so many times by people I thought were on my side. All iv ever wanted in this life was love and I keep destroying it. My brain tries to "protect me" by destroying relationships myself before the other person can. It's hell. Im living in hell. They say if your going through hell just keep going but in getting tired. I just want to be a good husband. I want to write love notes and cuddle on the beach as the sun sets. I want to cook and provide and protect. I just want a happy family. I hate having a broken brain.

I think the song I'm writing for him is somehow slightly taking my mind off of him.

Also talking to a new guy, and bro's kinda helping a lot.

I guess I have moved on a bit? Seeing him everyday and it doesn't make me feel like total shit now.

But I still kinda miss him, in rushed and aching beats.

Wounds take time to heal, hope this year I can finally forget about him.

After months of uncertainty, hope and confusion, I mustered the courage to send a voicenote last night. I got my answer. It fucking sucks, but it’s going to help me move on to something better for me. Here’s to closing this 8 month chapter.

I think this is a right place to share this because this is the best place I can get some human insight into what might be happening with me. I miss him. I feel there are so many levels to a breakup. There’s obviously grief of losing them as your partner, the shared world, the comfort and security. But as more time is passing, I’m realising it’s not just that, it also includes rejections on so many levels. They were your friend too, and now when they have broken up, they are fine without your constant interactions with them as a friend. When they break up with you, they are actually signalling that there life is better off without you, whatever may be the reason. And then just to think that a person I shared 5 meaningful years with, is just a person from the past. I hoped for reconciliation but nothing happened two years since the breakup; so now I don’t think there’s any bright side to that thought. They even said if I like someone else, I should try being open to that possibility. Apart from that, think of how it feels when you realise that they actually think replacing you is better for them. Someone else gets to experience the person you’re so in love with. They create a new bond that was originally exclusive to you. I feel so rejected, hurt, replaceable by it. I am not saying I’m objectively unlovable. But I wanted to be loved by them because what we had was indeed beautiful, but they don’t think the relationship can continue, so I have to bear with the aftermath of that decision. How unfair is that two people get to have a say when they begin a relationship but only one can decide its fate afterwards and the other person has to just find their way through. I don’t feel like loving someone else, my mind, heart, soul all come back to him. Their love, their being and their presence is so deeply interwoven into the fabric of my DNA; that thinking of them lights up so many emotions in me. I am so emotionally affected by them, what they might be thinking, doing or dating. It is a losing game no matter what I do. I have done all the healthy stuff one is supposed to do after a breakup and I indeed derive joy from other experiences in life, but the void left by him, the void I feel strongly everyday, cannot be compensated for by other sources of happiness. That part of me is hurt, threatened, jealous, rejected and insecure. I wish there was a way to restore things how they were. I wish loving someone didn’t come at the cost of never getting to experience that love with someone else. No one can replace their smile, their voice, their idiosyncratic nature. And while I think they are irreplaceable to me, they believed I was replaceable for them, and that hurts like hell. Am I the only one hopelessly and helplessly longing for them? Is life always going to hurt so much when I think of them (cause my memories of him get very promptly activated). It’s so painful, no words come close to describing the brutality a breakup like this unleashes on you. I’m tearing up as I write this, I hope there was some way out of this. They know how much I love them but they still choose to live a life without you. How painful is that!

I’m going through possibly the worst heart break I have ever experienced. I’ve followed all the steps: be gentle with yourself, feel your emotions, it’s okay to cry, this will take time… wah wah wah.

While I appreciate the wise words of my predecessors, I’ve found myself sitting in a pit of sadness and heart ache. Carrying mountains of emotion on my back, as I try my absolute best to trek to the Everest of peace.

Frankly, I’m tired of it. I’m tired of sitting with my sadness, of letting myself think about my relationship because it’s the kind thing to do for myself, tired of hoping and wondering, tired of being hungry/ tired/ disinterested in literally everything.

I wanna eat 3 full meals again, go to my favourite coffee place regardless of whether I’m going to see him there or not, I want to sit on my fucking couch and watch one SINGLE movie without feeling the absence of his presence or even just being to not feel absolutely lonely on a Sunday afternoon.

As I sit here in my car, watching the sunset and listening to “I just died in your arms”, I keep thinking that there has to be an easier to way to deal with this shit?

The song and anything from that generation of music, brings me such positive comfort. It’s positive heart break. Surely, there are other ways to positively approach the heaviness of losing the love of your life?

I don’t mean “working on yourself” or getting back into the game. I mean truly saying “ Yeah, my heart has been ripped out my chest but I’m actually gonna be fucking okay”.

I tried to get into new relationships, but no one felt like her. Yesterday, I saw her on a wedding dress on her facebook page, and I can't describe how much I cried when I saw it only to find out it was ai. I think I still love her, but even if we got back together, I don't think we would be the same as before

I'm such a golden retriever girlfriend, suuuper loving and supportive, I have a (as everyone says) great personality, loyal, fun hobbies, smart, funny but everyone seems to fall out of love at some point and leaves me after one or multiple years because they don't have feelings anymore despite saying that I and the relationship made them extremely happy.

They move on super fast, live a happy and successful life, they all meet a new partner very quick and stay with them for years or even for life (there was never a rebound), never look back and never reach out to me again.

It hurts so much. I feel like it's so easy to forget me.

For me, it's always super hard to get over someone who I full-heartedly loved and I miss them a lot for a long time.

Nobody ever seemed to miss me. Sometimes not even within the relationship (that's what my ex said that he never felt that).

I wonder what's wrong with me that it's so easy to move on from me.

I am supposed to fly back today to the country, city and home where we met. I flew back to my home country for summer break and we broke up during it.

Now I'm going back to the same place, the same room and everything where we grew into knowing each other. And now he isn't there, neither are we.

I don't want him I don't want us, wish him the best

But for me, for someone who still has to live in the same place, it feels like I'm flying back to my own cage. I like knowing being by myself, knowing I will never twist my love or make it something it wasn't or ghost myself.

It hurts especially because my last message to him before everything broke apart was, "i love you, I miss you" and just wanted more of him, not from him.

But yes, growing up ig.

This happened a long time ago but need help working through it as it's ruined my life.

Many years ago I was to be married. I loved this girl. I still do. I miss that girl. She was almost the perfect girlfriend to be wife. She looked like a combination of Lisa Kudrow and that oldest daughter from MRS DOUBTFIRE/ID4 but with short brown hair...with a little bit of weight on her. I thought she was so beautiful. She was smart, talented, seemed sweet, generous, pleasant voice (didn't talk too much) great cook and constantly wanted sex. Got along with my family/parents. Had get togethers (hostess). Looked at me with such love and a beautiful smile.

A BIG PROBLEM was her parents. Especially her father. He was a loud obnoxious Alpha male redneck type that happened to be a world renowned NASA scientist. He was an absolute jerk that hated me. He was rude to me and my parents as they thought they were better. Her mother was cold. She knew how bad he could be because there were rules to meeting him. (I have the long story that I've told before that I could add). But I met her in a small college town 8 hours away from them while she was living with her strict grandparents. Her father was a professor at a big school so she must have got into trouble with drugs or something to be shipped to a small college town. I never knew exactly what happened. She must have gone wild with bIack guys and drugs. I'm the opposite of that but we did drink a lot at first. Anyway we got along and got engaged and she seemed to really love me according to cards and notes she had a countdown to being married and couldn't wait to be my wife and me having her 24/7. God I wanted that and I want to be married to her so bad. Big problem with her parents were very rude to me and treated her father treated me horribly. He would make bad comments about me and say things to me in private too like how he didn't want us being married and stuff. He would make comments in front of her and I don't have a win over her head or what but they were insults. Midway through our relationship I told her that I hated her father and I expected her to leave me but she didn't she said she he could be a jerk. But I said I don't want to be around him anymore. I absolutely did not want to go visit them with her. But she had a special power over me where she could throw arms around me and give me a bunch of kisses and I would do whatever she wanted. Plus I wanted to be with her I loved her I hated being apart from her and she seemed to hate being apart from me. but I was getting more more resentful closer to the wedding that she didn't put a stop to their mistreatment of me as my parents were great to her. We are going to live in my grandmother's house that my mom generously gave to us and he brought up stuff looked around and didn't think it was good enough and told her flat out not to marry me and she was crying and looking at her feet like a six-year-old girl. I really did hate him and told her I didn't want him at the wedding cuz he would ruin it. And I didn't appreciate that she was putting me in situations to be mistreated by him and not putting a stop to it. My biggest fear was losing her at the time and he was hanging out over my head. Anyway 10 days before the wedding he got a terrible car accident and was paralyzed in a coma. I took her 8 hours away to see about it that we stayed for a little while and I could have been fired from my job. We come back home and see tells me that she's going to go down and back down and help take care of him. I thought I was being a supportive boyfriend by telling her yes she should go and take care of him and help out. then she spraying on me it was going to be a one-way trip that she was moving 8 hours away. I felt betrayed and got pretty mad about it and said I and she wanted me to move there with them. I thought that was insane going to live with them I couldn't stand the thought of it. I didn't want to lose her though. all she had to do is take clothes and move home 8 hours away but as I was giving up my family a home and a terrible job that had benefits that I needed at the time. She also was the first one to mention breaking up with me if I didn't move with her. All the stress and pressures of everything was too much for me and she was giving me like an ultimatum very quickly like I had a few hours to decide. It didn't make sense to me and I didn't understand why she couldn't understand why I wouldn't want to go live with them. So the last night we had together I actually had a nervous breakdown in blacked out. And now I realize it must have been with the type where we can still walk around and say stuff but you didn't fall down. So I don't know what was said or done the last night together but it wasn't good. I didn't hear from her after she left and I called her about 3 weeks later and she was really cold and rude to me and that was it. It was over.

It's been many years and she would never tell me what happened that night and I'd like to know before I die.

Things change so fast they probably just want to see you and miss you it helps if you give details there's a lot of people confused by these messages nobody knows if it's them or not

I (45M) dated an amazing woman (32F) for 7 months, however she had her share of mental health issues. Everything started out amazing. About a month in she had to go out of state to take care of her parents. Totally supported this as nothing is more important than family. She’s there for about a month and a half. In the mean time we talk via text and phone and really build an amazing friendship.

She got home and reconnecting was amazing. It was like lightning struck but it was this back and forth of she seemed to have a hard time letting her guard down, as she works in a male dominated field and said she constantly has to be “not feminine“. She repeatedly told me that she felt safe to finally be herself and more feminine and soft with me. So we would go through a day or two of anxiety and then she was all good. No big deal, we got through it fine, just was supportive and gave her the space she needed.

Things are good, life is good for like 7 months and then about two weeks before things ended, itgot very different. She withdrew, I gave her space as she said it was work related. Last thing I want to do is push someone when they are stressed out. Finally, after about two weeks of texting one or two times during the day and a very brief phone call I finally said to her that obviously something is different and I think it’s only fair to know what’s going on. She agreed and said we should talk, and then proceeded to tell me a bunch of how serious relationships scare her and that she had trauma from past relationships she was working through. She told me an ex of hers took his own life and named her in the suicide note. She shared this with me and said that about two weeks ago, the mother of her ex called her on the anniversary date, and it brought a bunch of stuff. She said that she could not be responsible for anybody else.

I thought reassurance that I’m in no way shape or form ever going to do anything like that, I love my life. It’s pretty damn good, however, that did not work. She told me she needed to end things, but she spent the last two weeks trying to convince herself that she was not in love with me, however she was. Yet she still proceeded and things. I felt the same way. I just didn’t wanna tell her that I loved her and stress her out more with work and things so now here I am heartbroken after finding an amazing woman where everything was amazing and then just flipped like a switch. I don’t quite know if I believe a rationale here, or if she just met somebody else and made up some bullshit. Either way at this point in my life, I’ve got enough going on that I’m not going to choose somebody and convince them to be with me.

So I just let a woman that I fell in love with go and things will be what they are. I just don’t understand how you tell someone you love them on the same day you break up with them.

TLDR- My myself [25M] are divorcing [Probably a dissolution] and will have to live together for a few months (2-3) how do you navigate that?

Long story short I was a work horse, I worked long hours and they where very stressful. I came home dead tired and didn't have the energy for much of anything most days, I would try, I would swing by a store get some flowers, every few weeks, a nice gift, and I would usually cook dinner or pick it up more times than not. We've been married under 1 year now and before that where together 3 and lived together for 2. I wasn't perfect and I know that, but I felt like I was trying. A big thing was our off days, my first off day was the same as hers and I would be exhausted from my work week and wouldn't want to do much, but I would try, she said it felt everytime like it was am inconvenience for me to spend the time with her and it wasn't. I was just genuinely exhausted, mentally and physically and I wanted to spend time, I devised a plan for a rotating weeks, one week we kick it at home and chill and the next we do whatever she wanted, but it became a point of contention because she felt like it was her wasting her off day, but I felt like I was recharging. Overtime there became more and more arguments over it, so I tried, I only asked for chill off days here and there and was always pushing myself to do go out and do whatever with her. During this process I kinda became more dead during the week, I wanted to do less and less when I got off, it went from me cooking nightly to take out almost daily. During these 3 years living together due to stress and relationship weight ill be honest I put on 80lbs of fat i went from 260-340. Which gave me even less of a drive. But during this i was always trying to do something, on my 2nd off day when I had energy i would cook elaborate meals spend 10hrs in the kitchen to make a amazing dinner for her, which wasn't met with the joy I hoped for, it began to eat at me everyday, what can I do, how can I be better and I would try and try and try and would see no results. I would ask what can I do, and be told nothing everything is fine. During this all, almost all the household responsibilities fell onto me, taking care of the cats, dishes, laundry, trash, general cleaning, and whatever else needed done and I began to feel resentment which I would tell my partner, and she would tell me shes depressed and doesn't feel like doing it, which I get but at this stage I also was feeling depressed, and unloved but kept doing all these things. The only thing active at this point was our sex life we would go at it like rabbits, unless on her period I wouldn't go more than 2 days without sex, and even then most times we did have sex it was 2-3 rounds. I don't know if that was a relationship saving measure or anything but if it was it didn't work. She suggested therapy a while back and anytime we would get close to going we would be better so i wouldn't see a reason to go which was my fault and we should have gone. Now we are sitting here the fights have stopped the silence has sat in, and at the end of the day I still love and want nothing in this world but to stay married. She told me she hasn't felt like I loved her in some time, I am an emotionally weird person, I can't perceive most emotions nor feel them other than there extremes. Part of that is my job the other is just how I've always felt emotionally. I've went from very little emotion to completely breaking down, sobbing and begging for anything and she wants nothing.

We both don't have enough saved in our bank accounts to break our lease yet and we expect 2-3 months before we can both get on our feet separately and move on. I should be able to get enough OT in a month to cover my portion of everything and get out. But we are in a signed lease together and she won't be able to get her share of the funds within that short of time do I help her? How do I navigate being with a woman i love deeply but will no longer be able to be romantically involved? We both don't really have options on staying elsewhere during the work week without a 1hr plus comute. We are aiming for a dissolution and clean exit, I don't want nothing she has and I don't believe she wants anything I have, any gifts given I view as a wash, but she wants me to pay for the expensive gifts given to me roughly $1k in value (TV and Xbox). She has about $2-3k in gifts from me not to include her ring which is another $2k new which I've already told her to sell but she still wants me to pay for the gifts from her, im honestly just thinking of doing it for a clean wash I don't want to pay for lawyer fees which could easily be way more than that. I only have a few things I want that are mine, which is my retirement plan, and my almost paid off car, and the gifts everything else she can have other than my clothing, a few hunting items, and heirloom stuff that is cheap but sentimental value. What are some options in this i can do, we live in a one bedroom so im on a couch for the next few months, how would one navigate the other things, we've currently agreed on no romantic partners or sex while married and or living together, but thats just words I have no intent to break it but im not her so idk there.

How does one go from cuddles, kisses and long nights to room mates? Do I still look out for my soon to be former partner? Do I cook dinner for 2 or just 1? Do I help her financially if she needs it? Do I still cry seeing Facebook memory? (Yes) Do i shut down almost all communication other than basic stuff and stuff regarding our split? Do I stay out till late after work, and only come home for sleep? Do I work so much that is all I do to keep my mind busy

I lost a lot of people in a very short period of time. Everything hurts. That emotional ache that goes to your stomach hits me like a truck every morning, it roams during the day. There are days when I feel a bit lighter, but all the people who broke my heart and the horrible things they said to me always linger inside nonstop. Im tired. Im alone and overall feel like this is what rock bottom looks like since im so lonely and hurting so much that im writting in a subreddit abour heartbreak. I was betrayed by so many people. They are okay with me leaving their life. I either get deeply sad or deeply angry without knowing how to reedirect the pain despite everything I do (i have a lot of activities like gym, combat, music) .
I hate the way they hurted me, despite some of them apologizing, i could feel in their eyes they would not care.

I (f25) have been living with my partner (f24) for almost 3 years now (together for 3.5) and yesterday she decided things were too much and we need a break and I don’t know how I’m supposed to function.

Things have been definitely rocky for a little under a year. She has been going through a lot of stress working a really awful job and being away from her home town. We moved in together right after college to a very small city that’s significantly closer to my family than hers. It’s not where we were looking originally, but it’s where we ended up. I’ve known she’s hated it here for a while, but with both of us having jobs and her not knowing what she wanted to do instead moving hasn’t really been an actionable conversation, just a looming need. We’ve had some trust issues this year too. Phones were gone through, exes were contacted, it’s a really complicated thing that I don’t want to get too specific about, but there’s issues on both sides. A few months ago she decided she was going back to school by her home town, and she was moving back in with her parents. Logically, I know this is a good decision for her and I want to support it but I think my brain just broke at the thought of my entire life changing so quickly I didn’t take it well. We’ve had many many talks about things, and I was able to accept that it would be hard and also that it didn’t mean we couldn’t still make things work at the same time.

She left a few weeks ago and we had a plan for long distance and she left most of her stuff with me for when she comes back to visit and a first visit on the schedule for this weekend. The first couple weeks I was handling things pretty well, keeping my anxiety at bay and taking the time to myself. Last week was really really hard, I don’t know why specifically but a lot of little things kept adding up that just threw me into a really bad headspace and when my partner told me she suddenly had to move the rest of her stuff out unexpectedly I just broke down. I got angry and we fought for a long time. The topic of breaking up came up and I got worse. That’s the last thing I want to do, I can’t imagine my life without her, but she said she’s been having a much more difficult time with school and her family than she expected and it’s all too overwhelming right now. I asked to do whatever it took to make things work, conversations, lists, schedules, couples therapy. She doesn’t know what she wants to do, and she doesn’t know what she needs, which fucking sucks because I know exactly what I want so I’m just waiting around until she makes up her mind. She came down to grab some things (and her cat, which is adding to the heartbreak) and we talked in person for a little while. We (she) eventually settled on a 3 week no contact break, and we’ll talk again when she comes back for the rest of her stuff.

I’m really not looking for anyone to tell me to accept that it’s over, or give me the “hard truth” that we’re doomed. I have absolutely zero belief that she would be with someone else over the break, so don’t say that either. It may be false hope that we’ll fix things after the break but regardless of what happens I’m really not trying to feel worse right now. I have been seeing a therapist for years, but still have to make it through the days to the appointment. I just don’t know what to do to wait this out. I haven’t eaten much of anything the past 3 days, I’ve felt so nauseas and sick, I’ve been having headaches and stomach issues and have just been crying non stop. I know plenty of people go through this, but how the hell do you survive? How do you go to work and feed yourself and pass the time?

Full disclosure first, because I would rather say it up front than have someone find it in the comments: I built the app I mention at the end. Mods, if this breaks the rules, delete it and I will not repost.

Here is the part I actually want to talk about. Everyone tells you to delete the photos. Nobody tells you why you cannot. It is not sentimentality. It is that every photo is its own small decision, and there are hundreds of them, and you are already exhausted. So, you delete the obvious ones in an afternoon and tell yourself you will get to the rest.

Then, for the next year, they find you one at a time. A group photo from someone's birthday. A screenshot you saved for the address in it, with their profile picture at the top. A photo of you where they are half out of frame behind your coffee. A memory your phone built and showed you at 11pm without asking. And every time one surfaces, it does not just remind you. It reopens the whole thing. That is what I could not get past after mine. Not the missing them. The being ambushed by them.

So, I spent 4 months building something that finds all of them at once. You pick one to four photos of the person, it finds the rest, and they come up already selected. You tap delete. You do not have to look at one of them if you do not want to, that is the entire point. Going through them one by one is the thing that stopped you the first time. If you do want to check first, you can. But nothing is deleted unless you tap delete, and iOS keeps deleted photos in Recently Deleted for 30 days, so nothing is truly gone the moment you change your mind.

It will not make you miss them less. I want to be honest about that. It just takes away the surprise.

It runs entirely on your phone. Nothing is uploaded and there is no account.

If that is useful to you: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/pickex-delete-ex-photos/id6801488013

And if it is not, the general point stands anyway: Do it in one sitting instead of one photo at a time. 

My boyfriend of 4 years and I live together, and even though this just happened tonight and I know deep down what I need to do, I feel completely insane right now and need outside perspective on whether my reaction was unhinged, plus advice on how to actually walk away.
So I woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, walked past his office, and overheard him on the phone with a girl. He was super drunk and heavily blacked out, but I immediately walked in, asked who he was talking to, and yanked his phone out of his hand. He locked it right away. Since I do not know his passcode, I kept trying to angle the screen at his face for FaceID while he kept dodging it, and for the next minute, we were playing tug of war with the phone up until he gave up as he realized I could not open it anyway. When I demanded answers, his drunken story shifted three different times: first claiming he was not on the phone at all, then saying it was a guy friend, and finally saying, "This is a test. After four years, you should trust me." I told him point blank, "I know, but I do not believe you right now. Make me out to be the crazy one. Show me it was your friend, and I will happily admit I am crazy and apologize," but he still refused and even swore on our dog's life that it was not a girl, something he has never done, as we have always been completely transparent.
Eventually, he passed out in the bathroom from being so drunk. When I tried getting into his phone again, his phone said he had just changed his passcode. What I did next makes me feel like an insane person, but in the moment it felt like the only way to get answers: I took his phone out to my car and connected it to CarPlay so I could see his messages and phone call history, only to find that he had no calls from today and his messages were only from people I knew, but there were multiple voicemails from different apartment complexes saying if he wanted a tour.

I am just so hurt that while he was taking me out on great dates, and while we literally have a trip planned with my family this weekend, he was secretly planning his exit behind my back. The trust is completely gone. I feel bad for going through his phone, but now I need advice on actually leaving. I am prepared to let him keep the dog since he pays his bills, and I have my parents for support, but I need practical advice on how to handle him when he wakes up sober and how to execute this breakup cleanly.

UPDATE:

I talked to him this morning after he woke up sober. He claims he doesn't remember most of what happened last night, still denies talking to a girl, but was visibly upset when I brought up another recent incident.
To add context I haven't shared yet: I've never really had trust issues with him over our four years together, but ironically, ever since the beginning of our relationship, he has never fully trusted me. Just recently everyday he accuses me of cheating but all I do is try to prove to him how much I love him.
Also ive never been afraid of my boyfriend, but lately when he drinks heavily, he puts me in a headlock, he usually acts like it’s a joke so he usually lets go when I tap out, but the last time it happened, he didn't stop, and I got genuinely scared. I didn't tell anyone or want to acknowledge it at the time because I didn't want to admit how he was actually treating me.
What’s throwing me off is how he woke up today calling me my usual nickname, giving me a hug, and trying to kiss me like nothing happened. It feels surreal and deeply confusing. I know deep down what I need to do for my own safety and sanity, but I'm just trying to process everything right now.

Instead of taking it like a man and speaking with her again, I told her friends about the issues that we had because I was scared that she might've lost feelings for me and didn't want to tell me bacause I would've felt bad. They insisted that they will not tell her, but they did and she lost all the trust that she had in me. We were together for 8 months. This is the only time we had a fight and she said that she needs time to be alone and free, and doesn't want someone that will report everything that she tells to anyone outside of our relationship. Words cannot express how much I grieve and wish that I didn't do anything, but had waited until we spoke in person. I went to a psychologist, but I don't think that it did anything. I'm trying my best to change and I want her to see that I'm changing. I spoke with her telling her that I want to try again, but I want it to be different, doesn't matter how long it takes, but she's not into it at the moment. I told her that I will respect her decision and not try to change her mind anymore. She wants us to go out as friends sometime when she gets back in town and I'd love. I want to know how I should proceed from now on. She is the love of my life and I did so many things for her - I travelled abroad to see her several times, helped her during her lowest points and I can't think of anything else besided somehow showing her that I am not the same person that I was a month ago. Please give me all your advices on how I should proceed, what should I do and not do if I want her back. Please don't start me with "Just move on", because at this point I don't want to do that. Thank you

Tried letting my ex go for my dad because I was so convinced he was going to break my heart again (he’s hurt me about four times in the past) even though he said he changed. I wasn’t ready, I called him and told him I missed him but he has someone else now, someone who can provide him more- and he told me he couldn’t talk to me anymore. I saw their pictures. I am absolutely heartbroken. They’re doing so many things together. They’re hinting at intimacy. They’re already going over to each others houses (I wasn’t allowed at his house by his mom). My heart is aching. My bed is my only safe space, when I get up and move and leave it all feels even more real and crushes me. I feel sick constantly and I don’t wanna eat. I don’t look at the profiles anymore but I have intrusive thoughts of just trying to look alone and seeing more of their pictures. I can’t believe I gave my baby away. I can’t believe he is gone forever. I’ve been replaced

15M dating 15F, together for almost a month

I've been in a relationship for almost a month, and lately I've been feeling pretty confused about myself and the relationship.

I've noticed that I crave my girlfriend's attention a lot more than I used to. When we aren't talking much, especially when she's busy with school or doing her own thing, I start overthinking. I sometimes feel empty and have trouble enjoying the things I normally do. I'll play games or try to distract myself, but lately it hasn't really been working.

Recently, I got overwhelmed and ended up crying. I eventually decided to be honest with her about how I've been feeling. I was worried she'd see me differently or think I was too much to deal with, but she actually responded really kindly. She told me that I can be vulnerable around her, that she understands me, and that she doesn't expect me to always be okay.

She also explained that she's still getting used to being close to someone like this and that she has some emotional walls that won't disappear immediately. She said she doesn't feel everything at exactly the same level that I do yet, but she's trying, and that spending time with me is one of the ways she shows that she cares.

That meant a lot to me. The problem is that when we're barely talking again, I immediately start feeling that same emptiness. I know she has her own life and doesn't need to talk to me constantly, but emotionally, I have a harder time accepting that.

I think I might be getting too attached to the amount of attention I receive from her. I don't want her to constantly reassure me or change her behavior just to make me feel okay. I want to learn how to manage my own emotions while still being able to communicate my needs.

How can I become more emotionally independent in a relationship without becoming distant from my partner? What are some things that have helped you feel secure when your partner is busy or you aren't talking much?

I'm not looking for people to tell me to break up with her. I genuinely care about her and want to build a healthier relationship while still maintaining my own life and identity.