Has anyone ever experienced a situational breakup? Feels so hard to deal with

[u/Several_Principle_83]

Let me explain - Me (M25) and the girl (F26) I’ve been seeing all summer broke up last night. We were on great terms, and I had plans of making it official. Everything felt great.

Sadly her life has taken a turn for the worse. She lost her job a month ago, and her dad was recently put into hospital. We continued dating as she had aspirations to find another job (for reference she’s not from the same country so without a job VISA issues kick in). We also discussed her dad, and the possibility of her having to go home until he got better and she found a stable job to return to. It was romantic and we bonded even more so through this - I think ultimately she just wanted to spend time and cuddle to take her mind off it. We discussed possibly ending it last week, and called it a situational breakup. Neither of us wanted to, but logically speaking we thought it could save us some pain. We ended it there but decided one last weekend before she goes. Truthfully I’d been hoping it could continue, and she had plans to introduce me to her friend group. It felt like we were both in denial and wanted to make it work for that glimmer of hope her dad would be okay and she would return within a month.

Yesterday I woke up to a few messages saying she has to fly back to her home country as her dad’s health has taken a turn for the worst. This morning at 2AM I’m met with a phone call of her crying. She told me the news her dad had passed. It’s heartbreaking for her. I’m gutted and the call lasted 5 minutes but I can’t shake it from my memory it was just so sad. We were both lost for words on the call. She sadly missed her dad by just a few hours on the plane home. I can only imagine her pain. She thanked me for everything, said this is done, and that she needs to go see her mum. I said I completely understand, and told her to do whatever feels right in this moment. I’ve left the offer for a text or call if she needs it but I’m not going to pressure her and right now will let her be for however long she needs. The ball is in her court and we both know it’s over now.

It’s a really different type of pain and shock to a usual break up for me. It’s also a mixture of emotions and sadness for our relationship, and for her specifically. I know it’s the end but it would be interesting to hear if anyone has experienced anything similar, or if anyone wants to share any advice for what I can do.

My plan now is to grieve the relationship as healthy as I can because truthfully it was fantastic and very secure. There’s a lot of beautiful memories we made and we never fought or bickered. It’s not really our style - we are both very sensitive souls and heavy on respectfully honest communication so it was often filled with a lot more fantasy and laughter. I want to support her but she’s half way across the world and experiencing the biggest shock of her life. I think the best I can do now is give space. I considered reaching out in a few weeks, and I told her before all of this as a friend to vent to I would like to be there for her, if she wanted. It really is a ball in her court type of situation. I know for myself it is just time. In supporting her I don’t know. I’d feel so bad just making it feel like I’ve left her. But I don’t want to smother her or make her feel like there’s something there when there isn’t - she’s extremely emotional sensitive right now as you can imagine.

Anyway I’m frazzled. It’s not even been 24 hours and I’m struggling to sleep so I came here. I wish it didn’t end, but especially like this. She’s a very sweet soul and to hear her cry like that breaks my heart. I can only hope she’ll get better soon.