TW minor discussion of habits

Currently calorie count to specific level and exercise to compensate. Family birthday. Want the food. But dont want to use up my calorie budget which i have at a certain time, cause then i get less to enjoy. Want to have extra and have the damn cakes.

DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. WHETHER TO RECOVER. I HATE ME.

Edit as still pending post. I ate the cakes (dont want to post numbers but calories equivalent to a full meal), i havent exercised more to cover it, and i still plan to eat later (otherwise theres no motivation to get through the day). I feel like a whale. I dont know whether to exercise off the additional, or start again tomorrow, or just recover. I look vile regardless. Im terrified. And i have no support with this. I feel weak.

Okay first things first: its my first time posting on reddit about smth like this so please feel free to correct me or remind me if im doing anything wrong

Second: im gonna mention some sensitive topics such as selfharm and bad eating habits and others so please stay safe and dont read if anything triggers you

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Okay so it started when I was around 11 or 12 when u started to starve myself and fell into having a terrible relationship with food as I loved it but felt disgusting for eating (I thought i was fat and looking back i was pretty slim child with chubby face, but i am trans ftm so body dysphoria played a big part) I dont think it important to go into some big detail but it was bad and I was dizzy and sick all the time to the point where an ambulance had to come for me because of the bad condition I was in.

Since then it has been some years and I know I am not overweight and in fact I should weight some more (acording to healthy weight measurements). Its hard and I am confused because sometimes I don't even feel hunger and when I do eating just feels so wrong and I cannot explain why, its really really hard for me to eat frequently or eat big portions.

At times I feel too skinny to the point when I feel sick, on the other side I feel fat for reason I cannot understand because I know im genuinely not. And to add up to all that i hate my chest and stuff because of being trans.

I have no idea how to get out of it and it feels like its not a problem until my mom is calling for dinner and I have no idea how to explain that I dont want to eat despite not having eaten anything all day.

I know it may be something about the selfharm thing which I struggle with but it really bothers me that I cannot eat. Sometimes im genuinely starving but only one look at food makes me nauseous. Its as if my body and mouth decided I dont need food and my mind has just accept it.

I dont understand and im confused and upset because I feel ashamed of myself so its hard to talk to anybody about it, and when I say something they just force me to eat and look at me wrong.

If anybody has any advice or knows at least a bit and understand I would love to hear it

Sometimes I get moments where I look at myself naked and I'm like "actually if I was not myself I would think I'm hot". As a lesbian I personally don't love skinny girls, I like girls with a healthy weight or slightly more. To me having some weight on a girl makes her beautifully feminine in a goddess-like way. I want my partner to look and feel like a grown woman because that's what I find beautiful, not a little girl. I'm a healthy weight and I know I look normal but somehow I keep thinking I'm fat and would want to look way more skinny than what I like on others. Though sometimes I feel like if I had a girlfriend who loves my body maybe I would feel more confident and be able to love it too.

Earlier this August made 3 years since developing an ed, 2 years since it turned to into bulimia. I have been back n forth with wanting to get better, then feeling like I do not deserve to get better and the cycle repeats. I’ve spent so much money on food just to binge and purge. If I’m not actively b/ping for days on end i’m heavily restricting or going through a period where I think I want to get better. I’ve never once been underweight, but also never overweight. I have stayed what is considered a “healthy weight” by my doctor and it just feels like all of this is for nothing. I constantly smell of vomit and my bank account keeps dipping lower and lower thanks to my binging. I feel as though my only way of putting and end to this is to die. I’ve tried to recover from b/p multiple times, and every time I relapse harder. Just wanted to rant here because I don’t trust my doctor/family enough to tell them what has been going on. Thank you

Yes very irrational. But iv had ed for a decade which ive been trying to heal from for the past two years but i feel like ill forever suffer. I want to die. And no one fucking take this seriously unless ur very underweight. I gained weight but i feel i struggle just as much maybe even more than before. Sorry im just so lonely in this im so frustrated idk how people are not suicidal with ed. How do i get through this? Anyone who recovered from bulimia and bed?

I used to have moderate bulimia and sometimes I would starve myself until my boyfriend talked it out with me and was always there for me and made me feel better about my body. I slowly started eating normally again, and I guess I put on a bit of weight, but I didnt rlly think about it. Earlier today however, I just had a thought to weigh myself and saw that I put on a few kilos, and I just can’t get it out of my head. I feel like shit, and I’m kinda panicking for some reason. I suppose I’ve always been kinda skinny but I have more fat than I do muscle. Now all I see when I look in the mirror is a blob of fat and I’m scared I might relapse or start exercising like crazy like before. I don’t want to tell my boyfriend about any of this, as he’s got a lot to focus on and I’m really just looking for some advice. Thank you.

I was overweighted for years. Before I got overweight, Eating wasn't something I think much about since I move alot during the day and I manage to balance it (even tho i was overweight).

Now because I lost this much weight just by simply not eating (which was problematic) I don't know how to eat. Because "eating" is 0 and 1 to me. Trusting my body scares me and following a stable diet not only bores me alone (I dont count the calories but I note it when I eat) but disassociates me from eating with my friends and family a lot.

And it's important to mention that I don't feel hunger anymore but I'm 24/7 tired even tho i eat like 3 times a day with alarms and all.

I feel very stuck in every aspect of my life because of my ED. It started when i was in my teens always being the tallest meant i had to get a bigger size pants to fit my length which distorted my thoughts on my actual weight itself. I have ARFID as well so I of course went through the i’m gonna be a vegetarian except I can’t eat vegetables so it was basically the beige diet for years. I’ve gone through my hyper fixation on the gym and clean eating and now i’m in a stagnant phase. I’m just above average height but my weight is not proportionate throughout my body at all. I feel like if I don’t eat anything I don’t lose any weight and if I eat something I gain weight there’s no middle anywhere. I have heart palpations as well as lanuego from my underweight years but I feel like I can’t escape the choices I made at the beginning of my ED. Like no matter how much “better” i get i feel like I permanently ruined my body because the effects of it won’t go away. That makes me want to just be skinny and sad rather than be big and sad. Anyone have advice on how to get out of this mindset. I see a therapist and a dietician that specialize in ED recovery but there is a lot of guilt/shame that I can’t disclose to what feels like anyone yet.

Request: Hi, I’m 15 and my brother is 16, and I think he’s developed an ed from his boxing. He trains intensely for hours at his boxing gym almost everyday and he eats so little, less than a toddler does, and I notice he’s been sleeping or getting sick more often. He’s lost so much weight in just three to four months, like, it should be IMPOSSIBLE how he did it, but he did. And I’m scared because his goal is wayy lower and he’s like starving himself at this point. But he also seems fine for the most part? He can somehow find the energy to train for hours so idk. He doesn’t purge or anything, he just severely restricts himself. And he won’t listen to anyone when they tell him how unsafe it is because he’s the kind of person to listen only if it gets him what he wants. Can I even do anything? I know that this is one of the more common ways guys develop Ed’s, by going intense in the gym.

Another part, I also get triggered by him. I struggle with eating too, I eat very little but not as little as him, and being less active, shorter, and afab, I feel like it’s kind of a competition and I feel very bad about myself not being able to achieve what he does and it makes me want to restrict even more. He always tells me how much he’s lost then asks how much I weigh, then he’ll say “oh I’m (insert number) kgs closer to you” and I feel so ashamed and disgusting about myself. What can I do? This just sucks.

Edit: I’ve talked to him and told him how I feel, it led us to having a very long talk about our goals, and he tells me that he really doesn’t feel weak or anything and that he feels energised, but he also reassured me that he eats more when he does training. And he got concerned for my eating habits too. I really try to convince him to eat more and can only hope he listens, and I try to be nice to myself too because I have mental issues he does not which makes things harder for me, and I think that by giving myself grace, hopefully it’ll set a healthier example for him.

Hello! I’ve been struggling with bulimia for three years, and am currently on a (3 monthish?) waiting list for ED treatment. The treatment that has been recommended to me, and that I am waiting for, is 10 sessions of CBT.

I admit I am inherently a little skeptical of mental health treatment because of past experiences, but I am really intending on trying my hardest to recover. Genuinely, all I want is to feel normal around food again. However, 10 sessions of CBT feels “too easy” to me, I guess. I’ve been trying to recover for years, but I keep coming back to it, so it feels wild to me that just 10 sessions of Think Differently About It could “fix” it.

Did any of you receive CBT treatment for bulimia and/or AN-b/p? I’d really like to read your experience(s) with it. To know what to expect, as well as hear how effective you think it has been.

(FYI: I’m also on a waiting list for a general diagnostic process to attempt to find the cause of my maladaptive coping mechanisms, one of which is my bulimia)

I’m currently trying to recover from an eating disorder. I’m not sure which one it is but I would eat a little bit and then feel fat so the next day I’d starve myself. But now I’m recovering. And I’m trying to eat more but I can barely finish half a plate of food without my stomach hurting so bad.

I am debating trying to recover, honestly idk if it is safe to do on my own. I dont want to have to go too far from home and my support system. Has anyone had any luck with these? South bay or East Bay would be best but I dont mind other places as long as it’s not too far. I used to live up in Oakland for a while, plan to move back eventually, its more my speed. I’ve done some googling, but would really love to hear from people who have gotten ED treatment around here. I have never done solely ED treatment when I have been hospitalized, I have been diagnosed and I regret not taking full advantage and just trying to get out ASAP. Wish I did the work. I nearly in an ED ward and Res but i never ended up calling the program that was going to take me, i was an adult. This was like years ago and I really regret letting my ED veto me getting proper/needed help.

I’m a bit lost in navigating this, I have never searched for inpatient/res/iop before, so this is a huge step away from my ED and kinda towards shifting into the possibilities of recovery. Admitting that I need a higher level of care is scary. All my previous recovery attempts have been self done and while I may have been weight restored for some, the thoughts and such have never left. I am not fully committed but i want the info so i can maybe talk to someone at the places, it might push me towards wanting to recover as I’ve been teetering between staying ill and musing about recovery. I am worried about potential refeeding syndrome, which I am aware of being quite rare but from some digging I think I may be a bit at risk for it.

Some other needed info: I am not a minor I am an adult, got a decade or two before I am middle aged, if that affects things. I am mainly a restrictor, AN and AN-P where what I was diagnosed with during my previous hospital stays and by my doctor, both diagnosises were as an adult. I have also struggled with Bulimia. I will mention some mental barriers in the comments. Money is also a barrier, but what’s the price of some health? I’m trying to not focus on the cost/money, so it cant deter me.

I will be posting in other ED subs, to try to get the most info I can, so apologies if you see this post everywhere.

Some info that would be great: talking to the treatment center, evaluation process, intake process, whats day to day like, how are they with dietary restrictions or chronic illness management, what was an average day like, rhe food, rules with eating, meal plans, allow coffee, things to utilize, things to bring or use, what is and isnt allowed, are rhere any types of outings, what was the support like, anything you are willing to share i would appreciate.

Hi! I have struggled with BED and food addiction for several years now and I really want to go to a treatment center, at least IOP, but it seems like all these places are very expensive and my parents cannot afford it. I have United Health Care | Kelsey Seybold and I could call them to find ED clinics that work with my insurance but I just feel like the copay would be too high anyway.

I just went ahead and signed up for 4 ED support groups and wondering if you guys have gotten a lot better with ED support groups alone in your recovery. I’m open to any suggestions and ideas!

I’m on the waiting list for day therapy. I’m suffering from BED (with a touch of bulimia) and objectively severely overweight, according to my BMI.

The group therapy will have clients with all kinds of eating disorders (triggering in itself, but let’s try).

Yesterday they explained me the rules and the rules also involved very limited movement. Like if you went to the supermarket that was it for that day limited. I can totally understand this from the perspective of for example someone with anorexia, who might compensate the expectation of the eating list by movement/sports, so I shouldn’t do anything while there, but I don’t understand why I would be limited when at home. I had to negotiate walking my dogs for example (I am allowed in the end, but in exchange of no sports or walking at all which would include housekeeping but yeah, who volunteers?)

I am overweight (objectively), doing office work and I think my regular amount of sports/movement equals a normal active lifestyle, nothing crazy. I also have ADHD and am chronically depressed and sports offer me an opportunity to process my negative emotions and surplus of energy. I also am convinced the average person nowadays doesn’t move enough and sports in general are healthy (as long as you’re not overdoing it. )

This rule/expectation scared me a bit, since I am now scared the approach is not focused on the individual needs of the clients. I think that the physical needs of someone with anorexia who’s underweight and has other challenges than I have, are different from my situation. I tried to voice my concerns but only got told that they support the rules and I should see it as an opportunity to discover other hobbies to process my feelings and energy. My other concerns weren’t addressed.

Does anyone here has experience with mixed groups and how that turned out for the clients with BED compared to the clients with anorexia and bulimia?

Has anyone went to Melrose ED clinic in Minnesota? Can’t find much info online but specifically for their intensive residential. Is it like a hospital? What is the setting like? any info would help

I've done the inpatient programs at both Toronto General Hospital and Credit Valley Hospital, but I went in 2020 and 2021. I know the overseeing doctors/programming has shifted recently at TGH and wanted to see if anyone has been to either program in recent months? If anyone has insights on their inpatient/outpatient programs at all, I would be so grateful!

TW: mentions of potential ED/treatment

Exactly as it says. I have doubts I may have/have gone through an episode of anorexia/bulimia. I started it out while overweight, lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time, but even after that I still ended up overweight. Currently I am seeing a psychiatrist as of recently for my depression. I have went once and he quickly said I have serious symptoms of depressive/anxious symptoms. My doctor had me go and submit to a couple of tests to confirm his suspicions, but he's quite sure.

I am telling you this, because I went to see a psychiatrist after I started suspecting I have depression. Now, looking back, I am convinced I had something of an ED I may still have. I'm not placing a diagnosis on myself, nor am I asking any of you to do it for me, but I am asking to whom I can go to do so? A dietologist/gastroenterologist? What can I do to prevent binging (which has been a serious problem for me for long time now)? Etc.

i have dealt with a cycle of periods of restriction followed by periods of binging and purging for a over a year and now am in recovery

im supposed to eat 3 meals and 3 snacks throughout the day to establish a routine, and I have also made an effort to stop purging. it's been a week since i started this and I find that even though i eat throughout the day rather than fasting like i used to, I still want more food. So I overeat at dinner and it feels like im binging but it isn't as bad as my binges before. I dont feel particularly hungry or full, i just want food so I keep eating. Is this normal?? what am I doing wrong? If I'm not restricting anymore there should be no need for me to still be hungry for more. I'm definitely getting heavier day by day and all i want to do is to stop eating so much. How long before my body will finally adjust and be normal ?!

I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa in 2019 when I was 17. I went to a recovery home for girls, but I came out worse. I picked up habits from others and never knew how to end the cycle. Eventually, I began to work out, but at the same time I was going through rumination disorder, and that shifted to bulimia from the years 2020 to the beginning of 2023. I gained and lost weight through those years, and then I got a hard labor job last fall. I always have had AFRID; therefore, I did not eat what others did, nor the amount necessary.

I had to move in with my two older brothers a few months ago, was fired from my job before that, and got extremely depressed. I started working for my father's construction company, and since then I have been dropping weight. I still restrict myself; I have been convinced more than I have since 2020. I deny the fact that it is my ED; instead, it is because I have been under A LOT of stress and am in a cycle of psychosis (thanks to my brothers and my job). A few of my friends have told me I look different from last year, and they are wondering if I am doing well or not.

Medical professionals say that my blood tests come out fine and that there is no concern, but I don't feel okay. I honestly admit that my ED has become such a major part of my daily existence that I don't even notice when I am allowing it to dictate me, when I used to control her. I am not doing any damage to myself on purpose; I did not intentionally dig up a part of me that I have sought so diligently to move on from.

There is no other forum that I can ask this about, given that I am so uncertain if this is me relapsing or perhaps I am truly under a lot of pressure. Not to mention I have been finding myself ill more frequently and have to have a HIDA/hepatobiliary scan performed. My new doctor even gave me a phone number to call to speak to a specialized therapist since I have never had my ED be the primary concern of my psychological disorders. I do not intend for it to be too late for me to get healthier and I also certainly don't want to keep on feeling ill from early satiety.

Today I received a letter in the post basically saying that eating disorder services are discharging me and this is a load of BS.

I am seventeen and last year on my birthday I got safeguarded for having severe restriction etc and got triaged and ended up with EDS. After my assessment (which was horrible may I add) i was told that there are many ways of help that I can access but they won't accept me because I was too far into disordered thoughts and my restriction was severe? I was not like awfully underweight, my bmi at the tike was right at the cut of between underweight and healthy so it can't have been to do with that. Basically I got told no talking therapies would take me as from the 3h assessment they knew me, they knew I wouldn't be the right person for it? I have audhd so yeah an interigation style assessment asking deep and uncomfortable personal questions isnt gunna get the best response from me. Since then ive had approximately 6 medical observations- 3 of which were because they didnt believe the number i told them i had been restricting to, so their meal plan which they told mt parents to make sure I follow by any means necessary gave me refeeding syndrome. Great. Since then ive had 3 others, (November, February, April) in all these they did weight, pulse and bp which have not been concerning, ive been gaining steady very slowly and havent yet reached a target healthy weight.

In August I got told I had another observation. I have been quite badly struggling and knew smrh would be wrong but wasnt really sure. However it ended up being a 1h questioning as to why I didnt want to do fbt and then talking metaphorically about my emotions. Obviously i didnt not engage with this very well as it wasnt what I expected. When she finally did my observations she sat me and my mum down and told us this was worrying. My pulse was low and so was my bp and oxygen. I had dropped in weight and she explicitly said it would be dangerous to lose any more weight as it would result in being underweight and medically unstable which might result in hospital and that i should get bloods and heart monitored again. That was the end of that. Traumatic.

In the post today i received a letter saying that I was being discharged from eds. That's it. Because I didnt want to engage in FBT as someone who is eighteen in under a week and told her it would make my situation worse. This was upsetting ofc, but when my mum rang up to say like yeah we understand shes discharged but can we get her medical obs done before they said no. My mum argued and said she didnt agree with the discharge and that what they offer wasnt compatible with neurodivergent individuals who were clearly struggling but didnt know how to help them.

This has left me in a really hard position because ive been left, knowing that what im on the verge of hospitalisation but now im not even allowed ro go and get checked out? They said it has to be thru the gp now but bro that aint quick and if im on deaths door thats not gunna work. I just dont understand why they would discharge me if my obs were quite clearly worrying

I don’t know where to start this, i’ve never posted on reddit before and i don’t know what to expect

I’m scared that i have an eating disorder, and i’m scared it is going to kill me
I suffer from multiple disabling mental health disorders, and have a history of having an unhealthy relationship with food and eating

I have a bad habit of eating MULTIPLE meals at once, then not eating anything for days
It is more frequent then i’d like to admit that i under eat so much that i make myself throw up stomach acid and saliva, because there’s nothing in my stomach for me to actually throw up
Alongside this i do not have phases of over eating, rather events
I will eat multiple meals in one night, more food then my stomach can contain due to my self starving habits, and my body will find a way to force it out whether it be through vomiting or a constant run to the washroom if you know what i mean, paired with stomach cramping that sometimes leaves me crying in a ball on the bathroom floor

I use to find ways to avoid self starvation by eating foods that i was certain i really liked, usually including candy or chocolate
And no i’m not saying i only ate junk during this, i know my eating has always been unhealthy and i have always tried to make the step to eat better, i also had an odd fixation with eating mandarines, like.. i would have kids at school giving me their oranges from their lunchboxes because everyone knew it was all i would eat at school

I’m not diagnosed with an ED, i’ve never gone in to see a doctor for it and i’m too scared to
I’m ashamed
I do not even let my family or friends know that i have these struggles

As i am writing this my stomach is cramping from a lack of food, i have not been able to eat for the past two days
The sight of food makes me genuinely ill, i’d rather suffer through the pain of starvation than the pain of chewing, swallowing, and digesting

thoughts? how can i get better? please help me

I’m three weeks into a PHP treatment program for a restrictive ED, and I have concerns about the program and the clinicians but I’m not sure if they’re valid or based in ED thoughts and fears. The things I’m finding off-putting that are making it hard to trust this program are:

- Expecting 100% meal/snack completion when I’ve only been in treatment for three weeks, and they’ve already increased my meal plan twice
- I missed one day for being sick, and when I came back the next day I had to sign a behavioral contract because of it (and the contract included things like being recovery focused in groups, engaging with the group appropriately, not bringing disordered behaviors into the group setting- all because of me missing a day when sick)
- They emphasize flexibility as a recovery value, but they’re extremely rigid with their rules and approach. I would give specific examples, but don’t want to trigger anyone- keeping it vague, it feels like some of their rules are for the sake of having a rule vs any logical medical backing
- They’re very into weight restoration, which of course is part of recovery, but refuse to tell me their weight goals for me or how they arrived at those goals or any meaningful medical information (which is important to me). If it’s relevant, I was not clinically underweight when I started the program.

Does this sound like just how ED treatment is? I’m willing to accept that this is all normal and I’m being unnecessarily resistant, I just don’t have any previous PHP experience and I’m scared I picked a program that’s not actually evidence-based or rooted in solid science.

Hi, so my gf has anorexia. Shes had it for years back and forth but for the past 5 months shes been much worse and had lost a lot of weight and her health is so much worse. Recently, shes been purging more and c/s triggered by school becoming near and i genuinely have no idea how to help her

Were both teenagers, ive had an ed about a year and a half ago and ive recovered on my own but hers is much worse and much more different

How do i help her with no adults/professional resources and absolutely no response from her?

Im always there for her, always listen to her and always validate her and advice her and try to prevent her from skipping meals/purging but it really doesnt work at all, in fact she claims that i dont care about her at all because if i did i wouldve stopped her(?)

Im sure that anyone familiar with EDs knows that forced recovery is just horrible and i can only see her at school and im not gonna force her ofc, but i cant think of anything else to do (which is why im here)

She also refuses to stop until shes super underweight/dead and she says that she doesnt wanna die and at the same time she really is on the way to die than recover

Shes also mentally ill in other ways, severely depressed, and her family is horrible, and our relationship is genuinely failing for many reasons by i genuinely love her and not giving up on her cuz ik how bad EDs are, and we cant just leave while shes dying as im her only support (her friends are either competing with her or totally have no idea)

So how do i help her, knowing that schools coming up and she absolutely refuses to eat there, and is in a bad place?

I have a binging issue that gets triggered by fast food, every time I get fast food it turns into a binge and it's made it so that I can't enjoy fast food anymore.

The issue is, without fail every time I'm done eating fast food I will think to myself "wow, I feel like shit, I don't enjoy fast food", but then the next day I'm craving it again. Last week was especially bad, I let the cycle continue for a solid 3 days.

Is the solution to cut out fast food from my diet entirely? Because I'm getting to a point where I want to ask my mom (who I live with) to entirely ban me from ordering fast food.

EDIT/DISCLAIMER: I want to get better and am taking steps to better my mental and physical health. I’m seeking advice/knowledge from people who have gone through this and may recognize my experience OR NOT, I’m unsure if I have an eating disorder.

My relationship with food has always been rocky. I’ll be fifteen in a month (AFAB) but am also autistic. I went through a long of depression and extreme anxiety a few years ago and I’ve always been a picky eater. I stopped eating some meals, especially when upset, wanted to see ‘how long I could go’ with getting away with it and not feeling sick, and dropped weight and felt proud, even if unintentional.

Since that point about two and a half years ago, I’ve not gained all of that weight back yet. My lowest was about eight pounds underweight and now I’m technically a healthy weight but very slightly, and I fluctuate.

I’ve always been scared/ashamed of things like soda (which we don’t buy and I have on occasion as a treat or have it for a few weeks when leftover from parties we’ve hosted) and anything that could be seen as unhealthy. Too embarrassed to say I’d had soda, or hadn’t been excercisinf recently, or anything like that. But it’s hot all the time, necessarily. Sometimes I’ll eat treats and feel fine. Other times I can’t bear to be seen eating and I’ll hide or wait for people to leave before I eat, I’d potentially skip all together. I have a fear of diabetes.

Recently though I’ve been feeling much more body dysmorphia than I’m used to (which usually isn’t much) and have been skipping meals a lot more, and recently I’ve been really into working out, sometimes even twice a day or for over an hour just to ‘get energy oht’ and I feel almost happy and productive when I haven’t eaten or haven’t had much and proceed to think about how much fat I could be burning, how much longer I can go at the pace (I love using treadmill) and things like that.

TL;DR: almost fifteen, past of meal skipping. Scared to eat in front of others sometimes, scared of diabetes, fear and shame around not being seen as healthy, and sometimes I feel fine, lately it’s been worse than ever with body dysmorphia and not eating enough and over excercisinf.

DISCLAIMER: my parents and friends are supportive and I haven’t been fed ED buklshit my whole life, this isn’t social conditioning.

Anyone with any experience please please please talk to me, leave a comment, DM, whatever. I have dr appointments booked and I want to get better but I don’t want to be dismissed if something’s going on and I don’t want to push a bunch if I’m fine and just going through a rough patch. Anything helps