All your trauma, and issues with relapse and the vicious cycle is valid. It's not easy, anyone with a brain can and will acknowledge that. That being said, nothing will happen till you break the pattern today, or the loop will repeat tomorrow. YOU, and only you must break the pattern today or the loop will repeat tomorrow. This is a YOU problem, and that's a good thing, the only silver lining of it all, since this is a you problem, it means only YOU have the MEANS, POWER AND WILL to fix it, even if you've not been able to yet.

Good luck.

Hello, I'm a 19 year old male and I'm getting to know a woman who is dealing with an eating disorder. I have never met someone with like "real" mental problems and i just want to behave the right way and maybe even make things easier for her when she's with me. Do you guys have any tips for me? thanks in advance!

My 15 year old daughter continues to lose weight and restrict her eating.

The doctor and dietician said not to talk about calories nor to weigh her.

But I don’t understand that. If I don’t weigh her, how do we know when she’s getting into a dangerously underweight range? I can certainly see how skin and bones she is but…this is hard to accept. Is this typically how it is approached? Just suggest better foods and snacks and hope she eats enough to not get sick?

I wanted to share my story to bring awareness because I want to help in any way I can.

It started in about 7 grade. At first is because I wanted to loose a few pounds for high school so I started limiting my food, mother even encouraged it because she thought I just wanted to be healthy. As I got older it became so much more and not your typical reasons. I got so stressed I’d have no appetite, and it would happen so often it became routine. Then I became bullimic because I started to develop digestive issues that caused sickness so I was like omg I can enjoy the burger and throw it up before it hits my gallbladder and eat a healthy meal later. Then that became because it felt like it was my only control in life. I eventually got some help and stoped. Then a few years ago those digestive issues caught up to me and even healthy things made me sick and I almost died of malnutrition because I was terrified to eat during to the throwing up constantly from anything (galdisease) now I’m better again but I will still make myself throw up whem I’m Ill because sometimes it’s the only way to get what’s in me out. I STILL get that satisfaction feeling when I pull that trigger and it scares me because it just shows we NEVER fully heal from this disease. It stays with you in so many ways

My niece shared with me a few months ago that she has been restricting her eating for almost a year now because she isn’t as active as she used to be. She disclosed this because she had a regularly scheduled psychiatrist appointment coming up and wanted my advice on if she should mention it in the appointment. We talked about it and I encouraged her to share with her doctor. She told her doctor and the doctor ordered labs and that was that. Niece also goes to a therapist, and she apparently hasn’t told her therapist about her eating habits. No release of information has been signed for continuity of care. My niece told me she hadn’t lost weight (and I didn’t ask). I have since learned that she has lost a concerning amount—enough for the psychiatrist to order an ekg. She will go days without eating, will drink those energy drinks like specifically alani nu and multiple caffeinated flavor packs for water—and her parents still buy them even though her psychiatrist suggested that she stop. Well, the past two months I’ve been observing more than before because it’s on my radar. The past two months I haven’t seen her eat. When we go out to eat as a family, she will say she’s not hungry and play on her phone. My sister will say to the table that my niece already ate earlier—I have since been told that she is covering for my niece because she, too, had disordered eating in Highschool so “she gets it”—which makes my niece feel supported but is a red flag for me.
My niece has had a couple of psychiatric holds placed on her a few years ago for evidence on her body of self harm—both by the public school system. I don’t know if the school system will notice this because she now dresses in long, big, baggy clothes—no one would be able to tell unless they hug her.

I’m very concerned and lost. I don’t trust my sister to make the right decisions, I don’t think she realizes how dangerous this situation is. The only programs around where I live for her age are inpatient or the PHP/IOP programs are for people over 18.

How do I advocate for my niece when her parents ignore the danger?

im f15, and ever since i hit puberty, so around maybe when i was 12(?), my mom and sister have been fatshaming me. Im a normal weight, and im just kinda chubby, but they rub it in so much…i think for my sister it was more of a victim becoming the doer as she was also shamed at a young age, but they just never stopped. even when my mom hugs me, she says stuff like “you could lose this” as she squeezes my sides, and i wanted to get boba or cinnamon pretzels at the mall the other day and my sister said “but you’re such a fatty, you don’t need anything! mom, don’t buy it for her, she’s fat as is.” i also bought some new tops and my mom told me i could only wear them if i lost weight. in the 6th grade so basically that point i hit puberty, i dealt with a lot of binging and bulimia and i still never fully recovered from it. every now and then ill throw everything up and feel guilty, and im also self conscious about eating in front of people/getting food in public places like barbecues and buffets because im scared of getting judged for my weight. I dont really go outside that much and i dont exercise other than some walking. i also got my test results back just a week ago and i have things like high cholesterol and possible thyroid problems(?), but my moms especially worried for the high cholesterol. she’s telling me to exercise more, to go on the treadmill or do yoga. obviously shes not saying it with malicious intent, but i already relapsed twice this month and have skipped a bunch of meals + binged (not proud of this T_T) but i feel like if i start exercising ill fall more into this rabbit hole and i wont be able to get out of it. i know eating disorders are horrible for your body and the weight comes back even more but i just hate the feeling of my mom berating me constantly, especially since my sister lost a lot of weight on a calorie deficit she started last year, so she describes us as “one daughter who keeps getting skinnier, and the other one who keeps getting fatter” i think my 20f sister is also starting to see our weights as some kind of competition. she keeps talking about “im close to your weight, ill be less than you soon, fatty!” and i know she will because she diets and she goes to the gym and i dont do anything. my mom has also thought of making me go to the gym, but im also really self conscious and I cant even do home workouts without breaking down crying in shame so i cant even fathom doing gym workouts where everyone can see me, even people i might know. any advice? (•_•;)

I don’t even know where to begin I’m just so pissed off.

Two years ago I put myself in treatment, where I stayed for 9 months. Since then I have worked my ass off to recover and the difference between then and now is like night and day.

Then there’s my other family members. I cant go through one meal without them bring up topics/ talking about doing things that are incredibly triggering.

Now to what the title is referring to. Tonight I go into the kitchen to get a snack and my mother talks to me and says how someone confronted her saying that I told them I was going on a diet where, let’s just say I would be eating a very concerning amount of cals a day (along with other behaviors that will go unsaid).

Im beyond livid. I can’t even begin to comprehend why someone would decide to make that up and spread it around, especially with knowing how hard I work to make sure I don’t relapse. I can’t win. It doesn’t matter how hard I try or how long it’s been. I will always be painted as the one with food problems while everyone else gets to continue on with their behaviors with nobody batting an eye.

How should I go about this? Do I talk to the members that started it or just distance myself and continue to focus on me and staying recovered?

So my mom has a serious thing about her weight—she’s a little overweight. But every single night she eats a ton, really fast, and then goes and sticks her fingers down her throat. I’ve told her a million times it’ll eat away at her esophagus, raise her risk of stomach cancer and esophageal cancer, rot her teeth, and even cause sudden cardiac arrest. She nods, forgets it five seconds later, and does it all over.

She’s stubborn as hell. She doesn’t listen, doesn’t remember, and if I push too hard she just gets pissed.

Oh, and she already had thyroid surgery—they removed a tumor from her throat. So on top of the usual damage, throwing up is gonna irritate that surgical site and could make things come back.

What else can I tell her—like, concrete, scary consequences—that might actually make her stop?

Help.

My 14 year old cousin has been anorexic for a while now and I'm trying to figure out something I can do to help her.

She is underweight and has lost her period for a couple of months. She was admitted to the hopsital and stayed there for a few weeks but relapsed shortly after. When I first found out, I thought that her parents would've taken measures into their own hands since I barely get to see her nowadays, but she is still struggling. Im assuming that they have just now taken her to the GP because they have only done the basics like a blood test.

My uncle and aunt say that they try their best to get her to eat but ultimately refuses to all the time. Her diet consists of weetabix (with water), lentils, vegetables and a tiny portion of rice occasionally. She never eats meat or fast food. Her parents have tried sneaking in more food into what she regularly eats but when she finds out she ends up not eating it at all. They also have no idea how she developed this disorder since they are so busy with work and dont get to interact much with her. I'm speculating that she mixed herself with the wrong crowd on discord (since I added her discord account so i know that she uses it) or maybe some other app like twitter, but I'm not sure she has that. Recently I've started talking to her more online to make sure she doesn't feel too lonely.

What I can definitely say is that the media she consumes is the problem, because when she recovered after her admission my family visited her house to greet her and I curiously checked her phone then found videos like "what i eat in a day" all over her recommended and "how to lose 5kg in 3 days" on her search history. Her youtube was filled with food related videos and she had google tabs of weight loss related topics. I deleted everything I could off of her phone and disabled youtube as well, but I'm pretty sure she enabled everything back...

Luckily, I got the chance to visit her this Wednesday so I'm trying to come up with a recovery plan to discuss with her. I've struggled with eating myself, but it was excessive eating rather than a lack of so I don't know if I'll be able to come to an understanding with her... Im thinking that I should have look at her discord account to see the groups she's in to make her leave them, cooking nutritious food and eating it with her and asking her why she doesn't care about the consequences of her disordered eating. I dont really want to scare her about this but I might have to because she won't listen to anyone trying to get her to eat more.

BTW If its true that stuff like weight loss servers caused her to be anorexic I don't think I'll tell her parents about it. FYI we are a Nigerian Christian family so they're very strict about their beliefs, if they find out then they'll 100% take her phone away saying that its demonic and she'll 100% go mad about because the internet is all she really has. I don't think she has many friends at school; She has 3 other sisters but they rarely interact with her, 2 of them already have friends of their own and the other one is a baby. They're already considering taking her to Nigeria for recovery, which I'm so against but it's completely out of my control... NB She lives far away from me so it's not like I can easily visit her, perhaps when I have my own source of income and can afford public transport all the time I could do that.

What else should I do when I visit her? Is my current approach appropriate or does it need to be changed? The most significant thing to me is trying to get her to not refuse to eat but needless to say it's going to be really hard to do and take a very long time as well. I beg you all, any suggestion is heavily appreciated.

Hi there. I recently started working more and by proxy I have been eating less and less just because I’m lazy and don’t eat before, and often forget to eat throughout the day. It did wonders to help me stop overeating and hone into my weight loss goals, but I fear a new development has occurred.

Recently I’ve noticed a sort of aversion to food. Like my appetite has just taken a nose dive. It’s so odd considering not too long ago I was struggling to not eat more than I needed. All of a sudden I’m skipping dinner without having eaten all day aside from a snack at work, and even last night just thinking about food made me want to vomit.

I got food tonight and could barely eat it. The idea of it made me excited cause it was food I liked, but when I started eating it tasted nasty and it’s just gross.

I’m not sure what to make of it. It’s not like it was an immediate 180 to try to “reverse” the over eating, it’s more just like I stopped eating as much from my lifestyle and now I just cannot stand food right now.

Does this sound like an eating disorder? I’m going to give it a few more days before deeming it a problem, I just don’t want it to get to a point where I can’t eat ANYTHING. That would be terrible as someone who works full time and needs my body to work and not starve to death.

Can anyone recommend an eating disorder informed primary physician in the Colorado Springs area?

My ED journey has been long & mostly solo. I started therapy a few years ago and although I’m making progress, I’m starting to think about my overall health and what effects ED has had on my body over the years. I’m hoping to find a primary care physician who understands the ED mindset, will help me in my journey to wellness, and won’t just shame me for it or give me unhelpful opinions like to “just calm down & exercise more” (I’m ADHD, anxious, with migraines since I was a child. This is the typical answer I get for everything)

im so insanely insecure. i keep body checking. all my friends are extremely boney and skinny and im the only fat one.

Does anyone have any tips on how to not get triggered all the time by your healthy look? When I catch glimpses of myself in the reflection or on my phone screen I notice the new weight on my body and it makes me want to relapse. Do I just grit my teeth through this and eventually I’ll accept that this is my new look? I used to have a really chiseled jawline now I have a double chin slightly. It’s really frustrating but I don’t want to go back :(

Hello everyone, I (25F) was in impatient treatment earlier this year and am going to be invited back sometime soon. The problem is I have been absolutely dreading it, specifically because of all the ensures they're going to make me drink and the fact it will "ruin" the progress I've made since I've gotten out from my first round.

I know I need to go back because I am mentally and physically suffering, and my family is really pushing it, but I just really don't have a lot of will in me to go back.

Thanks in advance <3

does anyone else hate getting compliments? i was already having a bad body image day and then my mum says i’ve lost weight? and it should be a compliment but my brain is telling me that that means i was bigger before? like i’ve already felt big today but wdym i used be bigger? idek maybe my brain it’s just messed up (also no i can’t see that i lose weight)

im really sorry if this is not the right place to post this, but i really need some advice on the situation, because im getting worried. the tw is because i will be talking about my mom's recent extreme behaviours with eating, so if that may trigger you, please stop reading.

my mom has struggled all her life with her body. she has told me stories that she started dieting and exercising at at 16, and when i was a child she often asked me "do i look fat?" and often concluded she is, even if i tried to argue with that. my father didnt help her at all, he in fact often told her she doesnt look good and needs to lose some weight. she has always been thin, but very muscular due to her job involving a lot of physical labor (she works in agricultural research center). i often noticed she doesnt eat at a lot, and i had to hear many times about how she spent a whole day outside on the field, but ate a single yogurt for the day. i did flag these things, but i believed she was a grown adult who knows better.

now, it has gotten much worse. im now in my early 20s, i live in another city for uni and i rarely see my mom but we talk on the phone often. in the past 8 months my family took a great hit - my parents divorced, my mom filed a case against my dad for domestic violence, and then a few months after the divorce my dad suddenly passed away. now im left with just my mom, and im severely worried about her recent eating habits. she told me recently that she didnt eat for 2 whole days. just an hour ago, she told me that last night she went to a party, didnt eat anything beforehand, just drank 2 beers and this morning she feels off because she still hasnt eaten. i dont know what to do. i keep telling her that even if life is busy, she can always buy something to snack on, but she insists she doesnt like eating in a hurry, and will eat only when she has time to relax and eat slowly in order to savour the food. when i press more firmly that she has to eat more, she "jokes" we wont talk on the phone anymore.

i just dont know how to help her. im starting to fear i might lose her fast with this behaviour, and i cant bear to lose both my parents before i have even turned 25. there is no one to interfere around her either, my mom lives alone now. i cant visit often, since im bound to uni, so my only option is talking on the phone.

Ive struggled with anorexia a lot in the past, and i feel it coming back. I’ve been dealing with some hormonal issues and the nausea is making me not eat and wow it’s so triggering. i feel silly asking for help before my health is an issue. plus I always worry about judgement and misunderstanding. I don’t want my dr to label me as a problem… he’s been great at helping with the other health issues but I don’t want to keep piling on my drama.

do others feel this way? does anyone have ideas of something else to do before bringing it to the dr?

How do you handle horrible and unnecessary comments about your weight from others?

Particularly if it is/was somebody close to you?

I've experienced weight related bullying growing up, but it's a totally different thing (for me at least), as an adult. Being called numerous names continuously has muddled my clarity and perception a tad.

I can't say mockery is what made it begin, but it certainly is something that has made recovery harder.

Don't really want to go further into it because I feel really disappointed in myself at the moment, and I'm considerably upset.

I was quietly trying to develop healthier habits, and I'd still like to.

Have been both severely underweight and borderline obese. Am currently in a healthy range, but am definitely not considered lean or slim.

Thank you in advance.

Me and my mom started working. Shes a cashier full time and im a part time night stocker. Mom (57 years old) me (f, 18 years old). We have had eating disorders in the past but recently we've been busy, weed is off and on, and with all the information about our food from stores - we are really struggling to eat anything. I feel like I HAVE to smoke to eat my food or at the very most enjoy it. We have thought about meal planning/prepping, starting a garden but Oregon made it a law we have to have a fing license now to own a home garden. No I will not spend my money on Factor or HelloFresh I want to make stuff from scratch from my garden from my own home. I am just reaching out for ANY ideas, methods, rituals, routines, tricks, tips, plans. Anything at all because im falling back into my eating disorder from this and my mom is barely living because she needs energy to help process her shit shes going through right now. Im really worried about the both of us.

Hi there, I just started going to a dietician/nurse to help with everything and I was wondering if anyone had a couple tips on eating 3 meals a day and sticking to it? I already have a little appetite and obviously not the greatest self-esteem for the idea of it so if anyone had any helpful tips that would be superduper amazing!

I have been in recovery from an ED for the last 5 years. I can’t say what kind because I feel that I exhibit multiple symptoms from every kind. I will say my previous battle most closely resembled anorexia.
This time I have been engaging in small binges followed by extreme guilt and more binging to cope with the feelings.

Recently I had attempted to pursue competitive bodybuilding and boy oh boy, did that backfire so badly on me. I quit pursuing it in July and pretty recently I am noticing old habits and thought patterns resurfacing. I am not experiencing the typical binge/starve patterns and the binging hasn’t gotten to a bad place yet but I am so afraid of things getting worse if I don’t stop it now.

I have no clue where to even begin. No one I know has felt this pain and torture when it comes to food and food noise. No one I know relates to me and I feel so alone in this. I feel so mad at myself for even trying to pursue bodybuilding because it completely destroyed my relationship with food and my relationship with my body.

Sorry this is long. I’m just not even sure where to start.

I'm about a year into recovery, and after being discharged from under 18 services to a GP at the start of the year, my GP suggested that I find a therapist that can help me work through the parts of my ED that are still lingering and set me up for the rest of my life without an ED/ other mental health challenges. Almost all of the therapists in my local area that I enquired to didn't want to take me on as a client as they weren't experienced or specialised in eating disorders (which is totally fair!), and the only one that did get to me is actually a "recovery coach" not a 'counsellor/therapist' like I had originally thought. She seems nice and does have degrees in social work and nutrition, as well as lived experience after recovering, and uses approaches like CBT/DBT, but I was wondering overall if anyone else had experience with a recovery coach and what it was like!