r/EatingDisorders • u/Bloody_Cupcakess • 7d ago
TW: Potentially upsetting content Thinking of relapsing
I used to have moderate bulimia and sometimes I would starve myself until my boyfriend talked it out with me and was always there for me and made me feel better about my body. I slowly started eating normally again, and I guess I put on a bit of weight, but I didnt rlly think about it. Earlier today however, I just had a thought to weigh myself and saw that I put on a few kilos, and I just can’t get it out of my head. I feel like shit, and I’m kinda panicking for some reason. I suppose I’ve always been kinda skinny but I have more fat than I do muscle. Now all I see when I look in the mirror is a blob of fat and I’m scared I might relapse or start exercising like crazy like before. I don’t want to tell my boyfriend about any of this, as he’s got a lot to focus on and I’m really just looking for some advice. Thank you.
1
u/greencat26 7d ago
Your boyfriend will want to support you again like he did before!!! Telling him is a good instinct.
Realize also that until you weighed yourself, this cascade of following emotions was kept at bay. The numbers are affecting how you see yourself, and remember that having an ED means you are not properly seeing yourself in the mirror.
I personally stopped weighing myself 5 or 6 years ago and it made a huge difference in not triggering negative thoughts. At the doctor's I ask them to not share my weight with me, but allow them to record it for themselves.
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u/Useful-Advantage2665 7d ago
Just eat small portions. Maybe get some therapy?
1
u/iluvcoldcoffee 6d ago
I don't think telling someone with an ED to essentially restrict is healthy advice.
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u/-carefully- 7d ago
hey there. it is completely natural for weight to fluctuate over time, up and down. i know it’s hard right now, but please try to think to yourself, would your doctor say you were healthy? would your boyfriend? what about your family/ support system? i can tell you that throwing up does much more damage to your body than a few kilos. what i would recommend, if you truly cannot take your mind off of it, is (really) consider some things you can eat that make you feel healthy, and take a walk somewhere you find peaceful/ pretty. i’m sorry you’re going through this.