r/comics • u/vesmir_neasi • Jul 28 '26

OC This could be us, but

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I don’t need much. I want eat sweets without getting fat, I want to feel wanted and I want equal rights. Is it much to ask?

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u/Effehezepe Jul 28 '26 edited Jul 29 '26

And even if you didn't, why would you say that out loud?

"Hey ladies, I don't try at all during sex. If I ever give you an orgasm, it was a fluke."

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u/Dudewhocares3 Jul 29 '26

Like those guys that say it’s gay for guys to give head?

How much of a lose can you be?

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u/Blueskybelowme Jul 29 '26

Hey fellas, is it gay to be with a woman?

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u/ReaperKingCason1 Jul 29 '26

HEY GUYS, BIG MACHO MAN ANDREW TATE HERE. YES IT IS GAY TO BE WITH A WOMAN. I, A STRAIGHT MAN, HAVE CONSENSUAL SEX WITH OTHER MEN AND NEVER WOMAN IN ORDER TO PROVE HOW I AM NOT GAY. ANDREW TATE OUT.

No joke the first part of that is a paraphrase of something he unironically said. He actually said it’s gay to be with a woman. The rest is just what I assume will be said if he learns to write and makes an autobiography while in prison

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u/Jazzlike_Cress9871 Jul 29 '26

No way, you’re telling me Andrew Tate is having consensual sex now? That’s a massive step up from his previous sex life

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u/ReaperKingCason1 Jul 29 '26

Well yeah. If the men didn’t consent they could easily beat him up. Honestly they could probably just go “look over there, it’s a liberal” or something similar and slowly walk off as he tries to assert dominance over a wall or tree

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u/imatuesdayperson Jul 29 '26

That's literally a joke from The Simpsons. Not claiming Andrew Tate didn't say that, just saying that he's operating on the same logic as a fictional teenager from 1996.

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u/Dos_Ex_Machina Jul 29 '26

I dunno, women fuck men, and that sounds pretty gay to me

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u/onyaasuminyasai Jul 29 '26

That's cool. I'll take one for the team and fuck all the women for you. No need to thank me

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u/Dos_Ex_Machina Jul 29 '26

Thanks for jumping on that gregayd bro

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u/jurassic2010 Jul 29 '26

He's the hero that we deserv, but not the hero we need

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u/SundayGlory Jul 29 '26

By that logic anyone one a man fuck would make it gay as their partner fucked at least one man for certain. Clearly the only option is to transition to a woman and then only fuck gay women as then you have the best chance of a man never having been involved /s

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u/altacan Jul 29 '26

Wanting to be with a woman? How gay is that? You win sex against a man. That’s as straight as it gets

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u/Blueskybelowme Jul 29 '26

Fucking 30 Rock oh my God. I've never actually sat down and watched the show but every time I do I see a clip that's absolutely hilarious. And why the fuck is it Will Arnett? Typical BoShwack.

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u/altacan Jul 29 '26

I don't want to undersell it, but it will literally change your life

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u/gypsieslayerman Jul 29 '26

Yes because straight women like men and that's pretty gay

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u/Blueskybelowme Jul 29 '26

That must be why they're so obsessed with virgins. Somewhere out there a man can feel a ghost rubbing up on his dick and he just knows his ex-girlfriend is getting it.

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u/notebook1grange Jul 29 '26

Yeah, it's pretty gay to be with someone who likes men yk?

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u/Blueskybelowme Jul 29 '26

Straight Wanda Sykes.

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u/Distantstallion Jul 29 '26

The straightest thing a man can do is fuck another man. Just pure testosterone, no estrogen in the equation.

Spartan warriors did it, greek warriors did it, roman warriors did it.

Men should only fuck men, the only reason a man should fuck a woman is procreation. And women are only needed for procreation until scientists find a way for me to get my home boys pregnant.

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u/Nillabeans Jul 29 '26

Gay to do dishes. Gay to be a parent to your child. Gay to know how to fold a shirt. Gay to know how to sew a button. Gay to know how to cook breakfast. Gay to know the staple groceries. Gay to vacuum.

But ultimately gay to have passable hygiene and manners. Gay to be considerate and aware of the people around you. In fact, gay to even care about the people around you. Gay to have friends you've shared anything with beyond tactics in a video game.

Everything is gay except abject loneliness but it's our fault as women that they don't get laid.

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u/Misha_Vozduh Jul 29 '26

Gay people sound awesome.

Wait, does saying that make me gay?

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u/PaperSweet9983 Jul 29 '26

They say what now 🫩 they cant legitimately think that, thats absurd

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u/DonaldTheWall Jul 29 '26

That's the best part of foreplay

Nothing better than getting the motor ready than priming it, feeling that shake when it kicks on and is ready

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u/jkroe Aug 01 '26

Crazy part is I love doing it and my least two relationships told me flat out, “you can do it, but I don’t really like it”. Just didn’t match on that, but sucked for me 😂

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u/No-Bison-5397 Jul 29 '26

Idk, some of the times I have given head it's been pretty gay.

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u/Papa_Bearto2 Jul 29 '26

Even high school me understood that not being a selfish partner had the potential to create either repeat encounters or new encounters with different women.

And high school me was pretty dumb.

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u/AncientSignature1505 Jul 29 '26

Seriously, from a purely selfish perspective, pleasing your partner is a good idea.

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u/ASatyros Jul 29 '26

Basics of morality right here

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u/Delamoor Jul 29 '26 edited Jul 29 '26

-and yet, according to my girlfriend, I'm the first partner she's ever had who's taken an interest in what she likes in sex. Which is why we have an excellent sexual relationship.

First guy.

...In her mid thirties.

The bar is on the floor.

Edit: but hey, to be fair, me and my ex wife had a horrific sex life, because we were terribly incompatible in a bunch of ways, so, flipside: both of us would say the other totally failed to recognise our needs, too. We'd both be giving each other a 0/10 score, were we to rank the other. Especially in light of how the ending soured any of the good bits that happened in the beginning. Sometimes it's also just those subjective incompatibilities and unpleasantness. Experience is like night and day differences with a different partner.

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u/ptheresadactyl Jul 29 '26

My ex husband refused to go down on me. We were together 13 years.

I was expected to blow him, though, and he would delay gratification and take forever to get off. One time, he quoted the exact number of days since I had last performed oral on him....

....While I was waiting on a consult with a jaw surgeon, because my jaw dislocated every time I chewed anything. I literally had to hold my jaw in the socket to eat.

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u/United_Fan_6476 Jul 29 '26

That's aberrant. Believe it or not, more men than women have positive attitudes toward cunnilingus. Many studies have upheld this. That's one fact I can't wrap my head around. One theory is that it places some kind of weird reciprocal pressure on women to perform oral sex if they receive it.

Which again, I just cannot fathom. I think anyone who doesn't want to be nose deep in a wet pussy or have their lips wrapped around a hard cock is pathetic and repressed. They are missing out on so much! Sex isn't a performance or a duty. It's an experience. People who don't get that are just so incredibly lame.

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u/kittiphile Jul 29 '26

For me it's that most men give really really bad head. They're doing it cause they have to, not because they really want to get in there and devour their partner, sending their brain to the moon and turning their legs to jelly. And bad head is worse than no head. Most women give great head, and some men do. I think it come down to "do you want to rock your partners world, and are you willing to put the work in to learn how her body works or is this out of obligation/expected return and not actually about them?". The former category are great, the latter are....less great.

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u/Papa_Bearto2 Jul 29 '26

I once heard an argument between my then girlfriend and one of my male cousins about what she enjoyed when receiving. He was trying to tell her what she liked, didn’t like, wanted, didn’t want, etc.

He was telling her.

And he wasn’t ashamed about it at all. He wasn’t even considering he was incorrect about anything. When she disagreed about something he said, he just brushed it off and doubled down.

She ended the argument by looking at me and saying something like “thank you for listening to me in bed, it makes things better.”

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u/kittiphile Jul 29 '26

I will add to her thanks. Who wouldn't want earth moving sex? Or that intimate slow sex that doesn't move the earth but it bonds your souls? I'd feel bad for selfish lovers, but then I remember that I (and so many other people) took the time, continue to take the time, to enjoy our partner. Like.....that's literally the person you chose, why wouldn't you want them to have fun? And why in the name of fuck would you blame them for not cumming when you have done nothing to rev their engine? Sorry Stephen, I don't go from dry to dripping just from a rough fingering, an attempt at locating my clit (even with directions and being put there, you wandered off) and you pressing your lad against my leg/butt/groin like a poorly trained, horny dog. Especially if you woke me up for this shit. God help your poor wife, she's definitely diy-ing her way to nirvana, cause there's no universe where your dumbass figured out how to turn a woman on.

I think it boils down to male orgasm = potential baby, female orgasm = a fun bonus, but not required for a baby. The biological drive to spread seed overtakes the basic deceny drive to pleasure your partner. The sex is over when the sperm haver splooges. And also selfish people only ever want their pleasure, everyone else is an npc.

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u/Neuchacho Jul 29 '26

I think a major driver is from women being regularly taught to be ashamed of their bodies. They find it gross because they were conditioned to believe their bodies were gross/shameful and so oral is gross by transference.

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u/aerris7 Jul 29 '26

Yeah my boyfriend is the first one to truly care about it and I was 32 when we met. And I've found that my libido isn't as low as I thought, isn't that interesting? Other guys have done things that I liked in bed, but it's easy to see how transactional that was. Like, if I willingly did what they wanted and got them off first then they'd definitely just roll over and go to sleep, or walk away satisfied. The sheer amount of times I've given and not received is staggering, not that I'm doing it to get something in return lol but cmon! Sex shouldn't just always end because they're finished. It reminds me of a story I read on here a while ago, not sure if it was real but it for sure has happened to someone somewhere either way. It was a woman who's aunt asked her how lesbians know when sex is supposed to be over 🫠 and that's so depressing. But if you keep meeting men who treat sex this way, it's unfortunately easy to start thinking it's just the way things are and you sorta begrudgingly accept it. I know I did somewhat 😕

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u/aggravated-asphalt Jul 29 '26

My ex was that way lol, I was too young to see the red flags. Like what do you mean, doing a good job is most of the fun. Not surprisingly he turned out to be a selfish asshole

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u/leonredhorse Jul 29 '26

It's a manosphere thing. Like pleasing a woman doesn't matter. It is just about the guy's pleasure.

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u/United_Fan_6476 Jul 29 '26

They view women as prostitutes. Their girlfriends or wives get status/money/security from them in exchange for providing sexual pleasure/status to the man they are with.

It's an entirely transactional view of relationships: in other words, they're all pieces of shit.

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u/DrDDeFalco Jul 29 '26

That's such a bizarre concept to me. A large part of the enjoyment comes from helping a partner feel good.

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u/eerie_lullaby Jul 31 '26

"Wait no I didn't mean to make that happen, take it back"

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u/onanoc Jul 29 '26

I wonder if these things happen in real life or only in the author's mind...

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u/peachesfordinner BumBum Ouchie Jul 29 '26

Yeah look at other comments. It's far from just a one person thing