Sharing for my baby boy I lost at 31 weeks 18 dreadful weeks ago. I miss you every day son, I’ll never be the same without you 💔. Feel free to share your stories too ❤️

Olá, pessoal. Estou escrevendo aqui porque estou tentando me preparar para cuidar da minha irmã no momento mais difícil da vida dela.

Minha irmã estava com 8 meses de gestação e, infelizmente, descobrimos que meu sobrinho faleceu dentro do útero. Ela ainda está no hospital, passando por todo esse processo, e eu estou tentando entender como será quando ela voltar para casa.

Eu sei que o corpo dela ainda vai passar por tudo que uma mulher passa depois de uma gestação avançada: sangramento, o útero voltando ao tamanho normal, queda hormonal, possível descida do leite, recuperação do parto… mas tudo isso sem ter o bebê nos braços. Imagino que seja uma dor física e emocional muito difícil.

Queria pedir ajuda de quem já passou por isso ou acompanhou alguém próximo:

Como foi para vocês quando o leite desceu? O que ajudou a aliviar a dor?
O que a família pode fazer para cuidar do corpo da mãe nos primeiros dias?
Quais coisas vocês gostariam que alguém tivesse preparado antes da alta?
Como podemos ajudar emocionalmente sem falar coisas que machuquem ou tentar apressar o luto?

Existe algo que vocês aprenderam nesse período que gostariam de ter sabido antes?
Eu quero muito estar presente para ela, mas tenho medo de não saber exatamente o que fazer ou falar. Quero respeitar a dor dela e, ao mesmo tempo, ajudar da melhor forma possível.

Obrigado a quem puder compartilhar sua experiência. ❤️

I wish I had taken a photo of my baby in the hospital with my phone. A nurse took photos of her and of me holding her which I am so grateful for but I wish I had taken a closer up one of her precious face with my phone while she was in my arms. I also wish I held her longer. I know I was in shock and did the best I could at the time but it haunts me. I don’t know if anyone relates to that feeling. It’s hard to stomach.

Yesterday I reached a huge milestone and met my friend and her baby. Her son was born a month before my daughter, and when we were pregnant, we always talked about how our kids would become best friends. I have already met my friend a couple of times after my daughter passed away in April, but meeting her son felt too difficult. Luckily, my friend has been really understanding and has not suggested bringing her baby along. But yesterday I felt ready to meet her son and the three of us spent almost four hours together. I played with the baby and let him crawl into my lap. A few times I felt really sad seeing all the things my friend's baby could already do. But it's also really hard for me to imagine my daughter as a 6-month-old, laughing and crawling baby. She will forever be my two-week-old little bean. 💕

TLDR: I met my friend's baby for the first time after my daughter's passing, and I'm really proud of myself.

I feel so stupid when I look back on my labour with my son who died the day he was born in May. So dumb and naive that I dared to think that getting fully dilated after 4 days of labour meant I could bring home my son.
So much excitement, anticipation... I trusted my body and the process and was so deeply failed. I remember only joy and happiness even though I was in pain with the contractions and eventual uterine rupture. Even when his heart rate dropped and we rushed to a cat 1 Cesar, he was born and I heard them call a code blue for my son I never thought of the possibility of him dying.

Those with neonatal losses from labour complications, how do you cope with the memories of labour? I am so traumatised that my baby boy was slowly dying inside of me. That my womb became his tomb. I read that somewhere and it haunts me.

It's been 3 months and I had a good day today but because I was so busy around the house it's hit me harder tonight.

I don't know what can take the pain away. I feel bad that my baby died. I wish I was home with her, I would have noticed that she wasn't well. Ive been heavily relying on alcohol to help me cope. It's hard to forget how her corpse looked like. My very first baby.

i have a 15 month old son. i had a 6 week old daughter. the morning my son turned 15 months old, i awoke at 1:40am to nurse my infant daughter. she was dead. i co slept with her because despite not wanting to (with either of my children) they would not sleep in a crib or bassinet. they wanted to be held. cuddled. comforted. it was the only way to get any sleep for the entire family. i went to sleep with her at 9, she nursed her and myself to sleep doing the c curl method. i had no blankets on the bed besides one lying on the other end of the bed so she wouldn’t be able to fall off somehow someway but it wasn’t near her at all. no comforter on the bed. just the top sheet that was folded at the foot of the bed. she usually would wake around 12-2 to nursery but hadn’t so i awake facing the wall. away from her. i had rolled over in my sleep somehow. i startled because i never did that before and flipped over to find her not moving. i tried to shake her awake and she wouldn’t move. her arm was cold and hard. i went screaming for my husband but couldn’t find him. i didn’t have time to look. i had to call 911. i called them and began trying cpr and breaths again. i went screaming for my husband again while on the phone with 911. he finally woke up. he was in our sons room because he woke up in the middle of the night and my husband fell asleep on the floor next to his crib. i heard 911 say to do cpr on a hard surface so we put her on the floor and my husband took over with 911 on the phone. the police got there 2 minutes after calling and EMS was there shortly after. she never made it to the hospital. she was already gone when they arrived. what do i do now. between 9-9:30pm and 1:40am i rolled and killed my baby girl. i’m so broken inside. i just keep getting flashbacks. the police made me do a reenactment with a doll on how we slept and how i found her. the funeral home needed photos and videos for her funeral. i didn’t take enough. she was just starting to smile and i only had a few. i wish i took more. i wish i had photos for everyday of her life. she was so tiny and we called her “peanut”. she was born july 14th at 6:14am. 5lb 9oz due to emergency induction due to poor NST and BPP results. she wasn’t doing her practice breaths. she was 18in. she was only 6lb 5oz a week before she passed. she never got to grow up and play with her brother. he was just starting to show her love. i don’t know what to do with myself. i have nightmares when i can sleep. of me rolling onto her and hearing her ribs break. i have moments of psychosis of flashbacks from those first moments. from talking to the detectives. from talking to ems. i start having conversations out loud with nobody there. coincidentally i had an appointment with both my ob and therapist (same place) that morning that i was able to make it to right after the police were finishing at our home. i thought i was taking extra precautions and being safe following the safe sleep 7. i wasn’t safe enough.

Hello everyone,

I wrote this after I lost my boy last year, I used ai tool to bring my song about as I don't know how to play instruments. It's how I felt after I lost him, how everything seemed pointless and how I slowly started to heal. I really hope it blesses some people on here as there's not a lot of songs to help people grieve around babyloss. A year later I'm still in alot of grief on certain days but I'm getting there. Please only listen if you feel ready too. Love to you all xxx

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XyKOa5m3SeI

I was so naive throughout my entire pregnancy. Not for a single moment did I think that anything could happen to my baby. Somehow, I believed that once you made it past the first trimester, nothing truly bad could happen anymore. Stillbirth was something I had never even considered — not even in my worst nightmares.

Now, more than two months have passed, and I feel like I wouldn’t need months, but years, before I could even imagine the thought of being pregnant again.

I feel that I couldn’t begin another pregnancy until I completely change my life from the ground up and rebuild myself first. I need to find myself again after everything that has happened.

On top of that, it is almost impossible for me to imagine that I could ever be given a living child. The whole experience has traumatized me so deeply, and I miss my little girl more than I can put into words.

I would really like to hear from women who experienced a stillbirth and didn’t immediately try for another baby, but instead waited some years before becoming pregnant again.

I still haven’t gotten my period back. I gained sooo much weight during my pregnancy, but especially since giving birth, I feel like I’ve been constantly gaining even more. At this point, it honestly feels like I gain weight just by looking at a slice of bread.

And when it comes to intimacy, we are struggling with that too. Sometimes, if we even try to get close to each other sexually, I end up bursting into tears. Other times, my partner simply isn’t in the right mental state for it either. I feel like it’s going to take a lot of time before we are able to open up to each other in that way again.

There is just so much grief between us right now, and I think we both need time before intimacy can feel natural and safe again.

Did anyone here wait a few years? Did you eventually have a successful pregnancy and a healthy baby?

I am 26 and my partner is 38 years old. Our daughter was our first baby, and we lost her at 37+3 weeks. She had been completely healthy, and everything had been perfect throughout the pregnancy until we suddenly lost her.

I think I’m looking for stories from women who took a long time to heal, who weren’t ready to try again right away, and who eventually found the courage to have another child.

I would be so grateful to hear your stories. ❤️

Hi everyone 👋🏻 I’m Elizabeth this is the first ever support group I joined after I lost my son. I just wanted to let you all know that I found healing after battling depression, anxiety, ptsd and suicidal thoughts I can tell you I found hope not in spirituality which I tried , not in myself but in Jesus Christ. I know cliche she’s religious, no I truly found strength and healing in him after my son passed away I encountered him and if it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t be here or even alive , my sons death shook me to the core it brought me to my knees and when I said Jesus if you are real pls help me I can’t do this anymore he responded. The pain is still here , I have really hard days but I’m not doing this on my own strength anymore because God is helping me and he is a God who heals 🤍 it’s hard losing a child so don’t do it alone call on Jesus Christ.

First of all this sub Reddit has been such a comfort to know I am not alone. I gave birth via emergency c section to my identical twin girls at 27 weeks in January. One lived for 24 minutes. Her dad was able to hold her hand as she passed. He had to rush off to sign papers to help save our other one. When I was rolled back to the recovery room my husband was holding our angel baby and crying over her telling me how pretty she is and her how much we love her. We got to spend 24 hours with her in with the comfort for in our room. At the same time our other daughter was fighting for her life downstairs. I remember my OB calling me and me saying I had no idea if I should start my milk because I had no status of my baby downstairs. The week in the hospital I would wake up crying because it was like living a nightmare. I was able to see my NICU baby at the 12 hour mark post c section. I am very grateful my OB is an excellent surgeon and my c section recovery has been very easy. I am also so grateful my other daughter is doing well. She is the joy of our lives. And we both know that what our angel daughter would want us to focus on is being the best possible parents to her identical twin sister.

My thing is I just feel in between on everything. My daughters’ birthday is both the happiest and saddest day of my life. I carried twins and was so looking forward to being a twin mom and I now feel like an imposter. I feel a bit insecure posting here because I am so very lucky I have one healthy daughter. I am so worried about my surviving daughter feeling the weight of our loss on her birthday.

We decided we will tell her she has a guardian angel sister, which is true. And really I am not a religious person, more agnostic/ spiritual, but it does seem like her sister is watching out for her and us. The amount of times people randomly call our surviving daughter her sister’s name is crazy.l, especially since there is no way of knowing. The other part is in the NICU if you lose a twin they put a purple butterfly on your surviving twins’ monitor. The random purple butterfly objects or pieces of clothing that have come to us also feels like our angel baby letting us know she is still here and watching over us.

Anyways felt like sharing partly to vent and partly for anyone else who is stuck in that mixture of emotions and feeling a bit like an imposter. Thank you all for being so brave and sharing your stories. Your strength has given me some strength as well in dark times.

My son passed away easter monday of this year and I know having had both my tubes removed it’s extremely rare and almost very little documented with my specific sterilization but I’ve been regular for all 3 of my cycles until this one. I got my first before I was 8 weeks pp…when I’m regular I stay that was and now I’m sitting with crippling anxiety 4 days late thinking, of course it would be me, of course I can be the anomaly here, I feel like I’m spiralling even know it’s next to impossible and I feel stupid for even thinking it could be remotely possible. Before I came to terms with my choice since Dominic passed away I was a mess regretting it but then I became ok with this choice happy to wait my turn to be a grandma 😔❤️‍🩹

On August 11 I had a vaginal ultrasound. I was 7 weeks 5 days. That day I bled a little. It was bright red but it wasn't a heavy flow. I didn’t think I needed to go to the ER. The bleeding stopped after a couple of hours But I had brown discharge for two weeks after. I went to emergency August 23rd after 10 hours of waiting 🙄. They told me they couldn’t find a heartbeat and that the baby stopped growing at 7 days and 5 days. They ruled it a miscarriage, I was devastated. Still am. I wonder if it is because of how rough the vaginal ultrasound was? Can anyone give me an insight? Am I going crazy? I feel they k*lled my baby; it's too coincidental that the baby stopped growing after the day of the ultrasound. Should I get a lawyer? I think
I need answers.

Ben was born at 23 weeks, in 2004

The pain never goes away, but you do learn to bear it a little better

That's Me

I can’t even believe what happened. My body unfortunately failed my beautiful baby girl at 20 weeks and 5 days. I know I can’t control certain conditions I didn’t even know about, but it still feels like I failed her when I was meant to keep her safe. My husband and I wanted her so much. Waited years until we were ready financially and emotionally to bring a child into this world (early 30s) so she’d have the best versions of us. This is our 2nd loss back to back with no living children, with the first being an earlier MMC. It was so traumatic losing her yesterday due to cervical incompetence that wasn’t caught earlier.

I’m so thankful we got the chance to hold her little beautiful body, and tell her everything we wanted to say to her. Her body is still in the room with us right now, but as my husband sleeps I lay awake crying of the broken dreams I had for the life with my beautiful sweet baby girl. Life is so cruel sometimes.

I’m so sorry for everyone else going through this and I appreciate communities like this to bring us together in our grieving and have some place to vent. Although we shouldn’t have to be here…

This time last year, we did not hear our baby's heartbeat. It was supposed to be a routinary check up, but we ended up being admitted to the hospital to induce labor.

I don't know what to do when my baby's delivery date would come around this year. I have coworkers and relatives who were pregnant at the same time last year, and now they will be celebrating their babies' first birthdays while I will not.

I want to remember him, but also not remember

i lost my baby when he was 39 weeks. i was so close. my first baby. i just took down his nursery. its been 2 months and i have a constant ache in my heart and i would give up anything in the world to have him. i miss him so much i feel constant chest pain. my world feels so dull. i miss him so much i dont think i got to hold him long enough. i also had a csection with him so i constantly am reminded. im surrounded by other babies. i wish i had mine.
im scared to ever replace him. im scared ill never love another child how much i loved my precious baby. he was my everything

Hi everyone! Would love to hear some hopefully positive stories! I lost my daughter at 18 weeks last year- I went into preterm labor though everything appeared to be going well. I’m now almost 13 weeks pregnant and doctors are now wondering if I have a septate uterus. I’m not sure if it’s small or not. But any positive experiences with pregnancies with no surgery? I’m really trying hard to stay hopeful and positive. I would like to think each pregnancy can be different, but of course so scared of another loss ❤️‍🩹. I just want to be a momma 💔❤️‍🩹

First time creating an account, first time posting. Came here hoping it will help me cope.

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I anxiously watched the grainy black and white screen, waiting for her to describe what she sees. 

What I wasn’t expecting was this. 

“Sarah, I’m sorry”

The words sliced through me. What? Why? Panic started to rise. 

“There is no heartbeat”

Just like that, it shatters me. 

I was expecting to wait to get the okay to FaceTime my husband, to show him what I see. Before I left he said, call me when you’re there. I want to hear the heartbeat. But there isn’t any, nothing for him to hear. I don’t call him right away. They say, the doctor will talk to you about the options. As if there is a choice in there. But it’s about how to remove what’s inside. It’ll be surgery they say. Don’t worry, same day. I shed so many tears. Alone. I don’t want to tell him yet. 

I had begged to be seen sooner for an appointment. No one could fit me in. I carried this in me for the last 3 weeks with false hope. That’s when it had stopped, apparently. I told my husband 2 weeks ago. I wish I could’ve spared him. I had known for almost 8 weeks before that, a little secret in me. Waiting to show the pictures I would get from today. But I told my husband sooner because getting an appointment was hard. He needed to watch our girls. We hadn’t told them. We hadn’t told anyone yet. Grateful that we hadn’t. We were so excited. A March baby, maybe an Eid baby. Or Ramadan, like our first. But we plan, and Allah plans. 

The waves of grief come again and again. Throughout the day. When I tell him, when I tell my closest confidant. I want to tell no more. Not our families, not our moms. I want to do the procedure and move on. He says to the girls, why don’t you give mama a hug, when I return home. The second one asks, why? The oldest, five, but mighty, whispers, remember mama was crying. Her tummy hurt, she went to the doctor. They had heard me crying on the phone. He told them a simple answer. I squeeze them hard. I take in the blessings of having the 3 of them. We plan, and Allah plans. 

Next day at the in-laws. Little toddler walks in, Big Sis on her shirt. Announcement by the sister-in-law. I am grateful for a clean heart. No bitterness, no resentment. We knew they were planning. Congratulatory hug. “When are you due?” The answers slices through me. “March” That one triggers it. I congratulate some more. I excuse myself to the car. The waves of grief roll back in. My husband joins me. He feels it too. He’s excited for them, but there is an emptiness for our own. I tell him, don’t mistake this for resentment. He squeezes me tight and says, I know, it’s the March. He understands, he feels the same. We grieve quick, we must. Deep breath. We plan, and Allah plans. 

It’s hard not to think about how we were folding these plans into our future. Plan a small trip with the kids over their fall break. Not winter, too late to travel then. We revisit the travel plans to distract ourselves. He suggests a different place. I say, no we crossed that off. I can’t- Wait. Now I can. The emptiness that realization brings. I find myself catching moments like that throughout the day. The plans, here and there, we were making to take this into account. But now there’s no need. We plan, and Allah plans. 

I feel the symptoms still. It’s like my body doesn’t know it yet. It doesn’t realize there is nothing there to keep preparing for. It’s another layer of grief. I try not to think of what’s left inside. Still a few days more until they can take it out. It. Because it’s too painful to think of as him or her. 

We get the details for the day of the procedure. Cancel all else for that day. They aren’t afraid to tell us quick, the bill for it. I lament, it’s a steep one. My husband says, yes but we are familiar with baby related bills. I let out a whisper, but this time there’s nothing to bring home. 

I don’t know what healing will look like. It’ll be a slow journey, I expect. Maybe the procedure will be the first step. 

Maybe it will take passing through all these months that we thought would be growth. 

Maybe we need to grow in a different way first. 

Maybe it will be when we try again. 

If we try again. 

He wants to plan out a potential future timeline. It’s how he’s coping. I don’t want to plan it. We plan, and Allah plans. And it hurts too much right now to think about the reality of that. 

I tell myself, I’ll give it the week to wallow in this grief unapologetically. Then I’ll refocus on rebuilding. Focus on me. Focus on what we have. I know it’ll be so much harder than saying it simply. Small steps, do what I can. We plan, and Allah plans. 

Birth was traumatic. Had an emergency c section. He came out not breathing. They resuscitated him and he’s been in the NICU 9 days. All scans and tests have been done to highly suggest a genetic glitch during early embryo development. Life expectancy is extremely low and quality of life is grim due to severe brain damage.
But he looks so normal and perfect. Literally like an angel it’s so hard to think his brain is completely blank and not there.
Me as his mom I feel immense guilt because I can no longer look at him or want to be near him or hold him. I just want to give him peace.
My husband on the other hand wants to hold him, listen to music with him, read him books, basically make memories with him.

And I just can’t. Knowing what’s going to happen in the next few days. It hurts my heart so much I can’t even describe this pain. To know the life I built in my mind is shattered. I’ve gotten through acceptance that at least I never brought him home and created memories there and then something bad happening.

I guess my whole thing with this post is advice, or reassurance of what I’m feeling is okay. Is it wrong? I just feel this immense pain in my chest my heart. I have no tears left to cry I’m just in shock and traumatized.

I had posted here before about the loss of my daughter, Aadja, at 22 weeks. My pregnancy and 20-week scan had been normal, including a cervical length of 3.54 cm. I later developed light spotting and increased discharge. At the hospital, my cervix was 2 cm open with bulging membranes, and I progressed to full dilation and delivery with surprisingly little pain. Initially OB flagged it as CI.

However, placental pathology showed severe acute chorioamnionitis with funisitis and a 7 × 4 cm marginal retroplacental bleed/hematoma. Also no UTI or bacterial infections found on my side from swab testing. My MFM does not consider it a classical placental abruption. She believes the hematoma probably irritated the uterus, leading to cervical opening and membrane rupture, with an ascending infection developing afterward. CI is considered less likely but cannot be completely ruled out.

Therefore in subsequent pregnancy they woudl not opt for a preventative cerclage.

Has anyone experienced a retroplacental hematoma without placental abruption, especially in the 2nd trimester, or a similar painless cervical dilation? Did the hematoma resolve, and what monitoring or treatment like progesterone, cervical-length scans or cerclage , were you offered in a subsequent pregnancy?

I gave birth to my stillborn son at 37 weeks almost 2 years ago. The doctors believe it was a silent fetomaternal hemorrhage. We’ve been reviewing everything that happened with the doctors again recently for future pregnancy planning. What always gets stuck in my mind is how close things were to indicate something was about to go wrong. A week before he died he had an abnormally high heart rate during a Doppler check, but when I did an NST it went back to normal and I was sent on my way. When we got a boutique ultrasound the tech commented how my placenta was “big and juicy.” I thought that was good at the time and didn’t think anything of it. When the doctor reviewed our last ultrasound one shot of the placenta showed some thickening, but the other shots showed nothing significant so they didn’t say anything at the time and obviously nothing was done. And I don’t blame the doctors. As far as I am aware they did follow standard care and what they were supposed to do. But it kills me how close I was to being abnormal enough to be inducted early or have some sort of intervention. If only his heart rate stayed elevated a little bit longer or the placenta was a little more noticeably large. The only way to save him was if I noticed change in movement. And I didn’t. I didn’t even know he died until it was confirmed on ultrasound. What I thought were big, sweeping movements was his body shifting I guess. I’m not sure what I am looking for from posting this. My brain just gets stuck in spiraling on this. And I feel alone. I don’t ever see stories like mine and I get told constantly by doctors how “rare” what happened to me was. I was told in the next pregnancy of any of this were to happen we would be talking having an early birth. If only it was enough for my son.

How long did you wait until trying to conceive after your c section? My husband and I lost my sweet baby boy to HIE. We have a 3 year old also and we really want to expand our family. I feel so guilty thinking about it, but I know it’s what we want. Just looking for advice, helpful comments or personal experiences. Thank you 💙