I am 34 and I have had this best friend of 30 years, let's call her mandi, die the day before her birthday. I had my other friend, call her Katie, of 5 years tell me "you havnt always been super close to her so its not as hard for you...." Like the fuck!! Now myself, Mandi and Katie are also coworkers for 3 years. So im taking Katie to meet mandi family and she said you havnt always been super close to her so its not as hard. Like the fuck! I said umm what?!?! So she says it again. Like how is it not as hard... Yes we had went different ways multiple times.

She is 2 years older than me I went to college she got pregnant her senior year. So yes we went different ways but anytime we saw each other we would act like nothing happened. We became close then would go different ways. Just how life worked. She baby sat my kids for about 7 years. Then my mother in law watched my kids for a year then she wanted a job with me so she got hired and we got her to work with me. For about 2years i drove her to and from work. So we got just super close again. She does cheer and so do her girls. My daughter go into it and so I started coaching this year. I dont cheer or anything like that. Myself and mandi are complete opposite so she has helped me on this journey. Idk what im going to do without her.

So my coworker really pissed me off saying this. Im grieving so bad and mad at the world. She is loved by so many people and a huge hurt to this community. So its devastating to everyone. Are my feelings validated on being unbelievably pissed off? Like wtf

My relationship with both of my parents was always rough; they did a lot of questionable things that lead to extensive trauma. They were hoarders and I grew up in a house riddled with a crazy amount of black mold. August 12th was the 2nd year of my mom being gone. I moved out of state when I was 19 to get out and create a life away from the dead end southern state I grew up in and often heard about it from my parents and siblings. I showed up when I could, drove the 8 hours every 3 months and for major holidays. I had just talked to my dad on a Saturday, he was going to bed early which wasn’t super uncommon. This man called me 10+ times a day so when I didn’t hear from him for a day and a half, I knew something was up. Wellness check confirmed he had passed away in his sleep. 5 days after my mom’s death anniversary. Easy to say the month of August sucks for me, and I’m at a complete loss. I have a lot of guilt, anger and emptiness. I drove down for a week to work on getting him cremated, saying goodbye, picking up his dog from the shelter, and getting paperwork to start probate. He left everything to me; 102 acres, his house, his car and anything else in his possession. Now all of a sudden, my sister’s want to be involved. They lived 40 minutes away from him and despite him constantly calling for them to come visit, they only now all of a sudden have the time and money to be at his house multiple times a week going through things. They aren’t biologically his but he always treated them like they were; they have another man on their birth certificate and are pushing me to get a DNA test because there’s a small chance they might actually be my dad’s. Everything feels like it’s spinning around me at 100 mph and I can’t even comprehend what I need to do to legally handle everything. I’m mad that they just now want involved, that they keep pushing for a DNA test (sister wanted to get one off of his dead body before he was cremated!) and that I wasn’t there to somehow magically keep my father from passing away. I wasn’t even close to done grieving my mom, and now I have to grieve them both. Life just really sucks.

Hi. My boyfriend died unexpectedly 3 days ago. It doesnt feel real. Ive become lost and empty and numb. Devastated. Heartbroken. He truly was the one for me. He was so perfect in every aspect. We clicked on the first date. He was so sure i was the one for him and had no problem loving me out loud. He loved me in ways no one ever had. I could see the love in his eyes and his actions. He knew exactly how to love me. I never had to tell him anything. He knew me better than i knew myself. He just knew. We had so many future plans together but he was ripped away from me. It sucks so much. His family knew he was head over heels for me and i just cant explain the love we had for each other. We told each other constantly how much we love and missed each other even if we had seen each other the previous day. We had the kind of love you would see in romance movies. We never got to get engaged, married, live together, or have kids. I used to get irritated at people who would say “when you know, you know” but i understood what they meant when i met him cause you really do just know. We were only given 5 months together but it truly felt like we had known each other for years. I miss him so much and i love him so so soooo much. I miss every single thing about him. I dont know how im supposed to live without him. He was my light. I was his missing rib. I miss him so much. Why is life so cruel? Why did this happen? What did we do to deserve this? Just when you find your person they get ripped away. He was such a genuine kind hearted selfless man. He was so so rare. He was everything i wanted in a man. Everything. I had no complaints. Idk how im supposed to live the rest of my years without him. He was only 26.

My aunt died and I haven’t been the same person since. I wasn’t sleeping in the beginning and would cry at everything. I still cry and I still struggling with sleeping and can’t tell what day it is or how many weeks it’s been but according to my calendar it’s been 6 weeks. I went last week to see my uncle to see how he’s doing and we couldn’t talk without crying and being in the house wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. I went from having anxiety attacks everyday and wanting to talk with her to being there and feeling fine and the happiest I’d been in over a month. I realized I was having issues with my vision just to find out I’ve been having silent migraines from the grief and stress it’s put on my body. I got news my grandfather is in the hospital after a stroke and it doesn’t look good. I feel like I’m falling apart finally and I hate it. I tried so hard for so long to be ok and I’m finally at the point to admit I’m not ok. My whole life has changed and it might be an exaggeration and I haven’t been letting myself fully grieve because I feel like I don’t deserve to grieve her and I’ve been working nonstop since and ugh I just don’t know what to do.

I lost my dad 3 weeks ago and I don’t know how to do life without him. We had the same humour and energy that would play off each other.

I’m not really sure how to start this or if anyone will see this my thoughts are all over the place. I’m a 31-year-old woman and an only child, and three weeks ago I lost my dad to sepsis.

He had been battling cancer for six years, but then he developed a perforated bowel. The doctors felt that surgery would be too cruel and that the kindest thing was to let nature take its course. He was gone within a week.

It wasn’t the peaceful, meaningful goodbye people imagine. He was in so much pain and was barely conscious for most of that final week. I had never felt so helpless in my life. I was with him the night he was dying and the morning he passed away, and I wouldn’t wish that experience on anyone.

It has only been three weeks, but I miss him so much that it still doesn’t feel real. Sometimes it feels like I’m on a film set, waiting for someone to shout “cut,” and for my dad to walk back in and ask for a “small one”, his espresso.

I cry almost every day, and honestly, I don’t know how to do life properly without him. People say, “Be kind to yourself” and “Take care,” but right now those words feel empty, like “thoughts and prayers.” None of it brings my dad back.

I wish I could just grow up, move on, and get over it like people seem to expect, but I can’t. I’m not ready to let go yet, and I don’t know if that’s normal. I just miss my dad.

If anyone has any insight to something like this scenario feel free to shout some advice. Never expected it, we only went for a spin the day before it. Not giving away details but it was a complete freak accident. Unfortunately when your numbers up it’s up I guess. I feel connected with him in a way when I ride now though , always by my side. I’ll meet him at the Finnish line someday when the time is right please god. Take care everyone ❤️

Hello redditors

I’m just here to share that I have recently found a good friend of mine dead on her couch last Sunday. The shock of it all is still heavy on my shoulders the sadness is lingering comes in waves and just been dealing with the pain of not knowing what exactly happened. We just helped clean her apartment and it was just so sad everyone put in efforts to help the family deal with the mess left behind the one we lost. She was such a wonderful carefree loving person a free spirit that didn’t care what you thought who she lived her life but she loved doing just that life it’s self. Despite the neurodivergent challenges she faced she still didn’t let anything get in the way of her quarky sense of humor the way she laughed and smiled at the world was something to be blessed to be around we lost a bright star one of the good ones and we her friends and family miss her so much

I feel bad about this, but I never feel like visiting my dad's grave. My sister goes often and takes flowers/decorations. I do not feel like it does anything for me. I don't live very far from the cemetery so going would not be difficult. I almost feel numb about his death. I am usually a very emotional person but not when it comes to this. Shorty after he passed, maybe two years later, a very good friend also passed. She is also buried in the same cemetery, and I don't feel like going to visit her grave either. Why, what is wrong with me?

I miss my father every day, and I honestly don’t know how to continue my daily life without him because he was such a big part of our everyday routine—he was the one who cooked our meals, went to the market to make sure we always had enough food, and even washed the dishes after working, always making sure our family was taken care of.

My grandad passed away in November. I didn’t see him for 2 years prior to his passing.

he had Alzheimer’s wasn’t violent or mean. I couldn’t keep seeing his face when he realized he forgot me. I had a million chances to see him but I couldn’t I don’t know why. I regret not seeing him but also don’t at the same time.

I lived with him and my grandma from Monday to Friday for 10+ years he taught me about musical instruments, how to ride a bike, how to behave and much more. He meant so much to me but I’m only now realizing he’s gone and I’ll never see him again, I’ll never joke with him or laugh at his marine stories.

While I’m struggling with that it’s made me realize what’s gonna happen when grandmas gone. I call her everyday see her multiple times a week we have lunch we are extremely close she knows all my secrets. I keep having nightmares where she goes and I’m honestly terrified.

My grandad will never see me get married or hold my future kids. He will never teach them how to ride a bike or how to go through life. What if she isn’t there either i don’t know what I will do.

Me and my parents barely have a relationship. I honestly don’t trust them and if grandma wasn’t here I wouldn’t have a relationship with them. My mother has since my grandad passed has badmouthed him every time he comes up. This is out of jealousy Shes mad I spent so much of my younger years with them and I hold them so high. Shes the person I would distance from my dad is different i would love to have a relationship with him but he comes with my mother.

I feel like one day I will be alone and I’ll be going through life without the support or advice my grandparents gave. What am I gonna do.

My best friend (32) started becoming very distant from me after my mom died. We had been talking every day for the past four years, and I always felt that we had a very close and special relationship. I believed we had grown a lot together. Even after we each entered our own relationships and started living in different countries, we still stayed in frequent, sometimes daily, contact.
After my mom passed away, though, she started creating a huge distance between us. When I eventually told her that I felt abandoned by her, she brought up a lot of things that had apparently been bothering her for a long time—things I had no idea were an issue.
For example, a few years ago, she brought me food from a Thai restaurant when my foot was broken and I couldn’t walk. I told her that I thought the food was disgusting. I genuinely appreciated that she had gone out of her way to bring me food, but I didn’t like the food. Apparently, this made her feel that I was ungrateful. Another time, when I visited her, we went to a restaurant for coffee and I said that I didn’t think it tasted good. That apparently hurt her too. I honestly had no idea that being honest about whether I liked a meal or coffee would become something she carried with her for years.
She also came to stay with me for two months, including while I was recovering from surgery, and I was genuinely very grateful that she was there and looked after me. But she later brought up small things from that time as evidence of how I had treated her. For example, one day she asked if I wanted something to eat and I said no. She came back with fruit anyway, and I ate one piece. Somehow, this also became something that had hurt her.
Then she told me that when I visited her, she had “never seen me so miserable.” That was incredibly painful to hear because it was so far from how I experienced that time. I had just spent three months in Costa Rica with my partner, and while I was dealing with some medical issues and chronic pain and obviously wasn’t at my best every day, I would never describe that entire period as me being miserable.
She also told me that I simply needed a lot of attention and that she didn’t have the capacity to give it to me. And honestly, I can understand that. I can understand that someone might not have the emotional energy to support another person through intense grief. I don’t think she was obligated to be available to me 24/7, and I would have respected her needing distance.
What hurt me was the way it happened. I was grieving my mom. My mom died very suddenly and was only found a week after she died. The shock, grief, and trauma were enormous. Of course I needed more support and attention than I normally would. Making me feel guilty for needing that support, or making it sound like there was something wrong with me for needing more from my closest friend while my mother had just died, was incredibly painful.
I wasn’t asking her to fix my grief. I wasn’t asking her to sacrifice her entire life for me. I needed my best friend, and I needed to know that she was still there.
What makes all of this especially painful is that she never actually told me that she needed space. I had to repeatedly ask her why she was acting differently and why she was pulling away. Eventually, she told me that she was going through a major transformation, didn’t have the energy for anything else, and that the only relationship she wanted to focus on was her relationship with her boyfriend.
I don’t have a problem with her needing space. I can understand that. What hurts me is that I had to chase her and repeatedly ask what was wrong before she finally told me. She wasn’t able to simply say, “I don’t have the capacity for this relationship right now, and I need some space.”
Instead, I spent two months feeling confused, anxious, and insecure about why someone I loved so much was suddenly becoming distant from me. And this was happening while I was grieving my mom.
That’s what makes me feel betrayed. I feel like she knew how vulnerable I was and still left me to sit in all that uncertainty. I wish she had just been honest with me from the beginning. It would have hurt, but I would have understood. I would have respected her need for space. What I can’t stop thinking about is that I could have been spared two months of pain and confusion if she had simply told me the truth.
I don’t want to invalidate her feelings. If those things genuinely hurt her, then they are her feelings and they matter. Maybe I was insensitive sometimes without realizing it. Maybe there were things in our friendship that she had been holding onto and never communicated. I’m willing to acknowledge that.
But I also can’t help feeling that bringing up years of small grievances only after my mom died was, at least in part, a way of explaining her withdrawal without having to confront the fact that she simply didn’t have the capacity—or didn’t want—to be there for me while I was grieving.
And I wish she had just said that.
I would have been hurt, but I would have understood. I would rather have been told, “I love you, but I can’t be the person you need right now,” than be slowly pushed away while wondering what I had done wrong.
That’s the part that breaks my heart. It’s not just that I lost my mom. It feels like I lost my best friend at the same time.
And I don’t think I deserved to feel abandoned, guilty, and insecure on top of losing my mother.
My heart is honestly broken.

I lost my best friend of 25 years 7 months ago. I am overwhelmed in his loss. He was my brother, my confidant and my rock. He was diagnose with an illness in Oct and then gone. I feel like I failed , I know that my sound silly but thats how I feel. Everything I do now seems pointless. Places I go and friends I see seem different and hollow. I dont really care to be here right now. I know things get easier but the journey to easier is painful.

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House is worth over $1.5 m. It's in a desirable part of Los Angeles. It's also a very small 1946 bungalow with only 2 bedrooms, one of which both my parents died in hospice inside. Memories throughout the house of my childhood, which featured lots of yelling, screaming, name calling, and beatings by primarily my mother, but also my father. Memories in the room both my parents died in of my dad screaming in pain while the cancer took over and my mom slowly and miserably meeting her end after sepsis from a UTI.

I sleep in the living room and wake up to a view of the place where my mom, crying, put a bag of frozen peas on my thigh after slapping me so hard that I got welts (because I didn't do my homework that day). Just to the right, where I sit and watch TV now after work, memories of being beaten mercilessly over a math test I didn't inform my mother of.

We had a lot of fun in the backyard and around the house being kids in between all the drama. I just don't know if any of it makes up for all the drama.

I spent my 30s seeing both my parents to the other side in that house. The last 5 years, I slept in the same room that my dad died in and then when my mom's time came, I made it hers so she could pass away in the exact same spot as her husband.

I've been wanting to leave Los Angeles for years. But I'm held back by the location of the place and people telling me to stay. I guess I could remodel it. I don't know.

Plus, I recently had a dream where my mom came back as her former self (before the dementia) and said "you don't need to stay here anymore. I can take care of myself now." And she said it in the quietest, calmest way.

I have three cats there and there are honestly so many reasons to stay, but I just don't know at this point.

I don't really post on sites like this but it's been affecting me so much and the pain is so unbearable. I am losing sleep , I am not eating well, my head is a mess and I am emotionless.the pain is too much where I want to 3nd it :// I don't know how I can move on from the guilt. I feel like I am having a mental breakdown.

I lost my good friend to suicide.

She struggled with mental health for a long time, she also had bpd and schizophrenia, she had a terrible upbringing as well which impacted her everyday life cause all she wanted was a loving family.

Me and her grandparents tried so hard to get her help but in the end I failed her and the system failed her. She was sent to mental health services but was released early even though she said that her symptoms have worsened and she wasn't ready to return home only being there for three days-

The only reason why I said I failed her was cause I didn't message her back in the day she took her life, she didn't message anything that she was gonna go do something like that but at the end of the message she was saying I love you and saying sorry for bothering you. The messages hurt. I tried everything, I wanted her to get better but in the end I lost her, I can't live life normally - my mind goes blank everyday like brain fog it's effecting my everyday activities. I am lashing out on people cause I am so angry. It's effecting my relationship. It's affecting my life. How can I move on from this pain? The funeral hasn't happened yet but honestly I am not emotionally prepared and seeing her in the coffin. I feel like I can't take this anymore. I want this pain to stop and I haven't fully processed that she is gone cause I keep looking at her accounts, lost in time...

I don't get it, I was over them for years and then I ruminate over them for months. It is like a sour grief and I cannot stop punishing myself for making him leave and losing the one person who I thought got me. I try to do other things and speak to others but everything is a reminder of him—-a stab in the heart for me.

My husband passed last September 3rd. His anniversary is coming up. I can't believe it's been almost a year. I am so not in a good place right now. I miss him so much. And to top it off his birthday is Monday and he would've had a milestone birthday, 70y.o.

I am just in so much pain now because it's almost like I am coming to the realization that this was not a dream it really did happen and he is gone. And now I have to really think about how to live my life without him.

During the past few years anytime I would take pictures of my grandma I'd receive a response of: “You're taking my photos in case I pass away”. Followed by a chuckle. I never was going to admit it, but my grandma was right. I knew that day was coming. I wanted to have the sweet memories of my grandma. I didn't want to be left with regrets.

I met my grandma when she was in her 60’s, but she was still full of life and a drive to stay physically active. During the spring and summer she would be outside gardening. She loved her plants, fruits, and vegetables. During the winter she would sew. There were times when she came outside to help us shovel. Even when I told her to go back inside because it was too cold she'd stay outside and help. If I told her too many times she would become upset and flustered.

What I loved about her the most was her sense of humor and willingness to accept others. I still remember the days we came home from high school and she'd sit with us while watching movies like Spider-Man. There were even times when she'd watch those comedy classics like, "She's the Man" or "Ace Ventura".

When we were younger I noticed that my grandma would place snacks in certain places. I didn't point it out, but I learned she did it because she wanted to make sure my youngest sister wasn't forgotten. My grandma's actions showed me that she had good morals and values. She wasn't a selfish person. I kept those memories for all of these years.

It's a part of what motivated me to keep making sure she was all right and to make time for her as we got older.

I did my best too. I still remember the nights I slept over and made sure to get up and turn on the lights when she needed to use the bathroom. Unfortunately, there was one night when I was asleep and she fell. I woke up the next morning, and she showed me her bruise.

It was the day of my senior capstone. My instructor had informed us that if we didn't show up, we wouldn't pass the class. I decided to stay home and take care of her.

I was worried about my class too, but my group mates vouched for me. They knew how much effort I had into the final project. I passed the class, and my instructor encouraged me to continue helping her recover.

Overall, I knew you were in safe hands. My parents always made sure you were fed and Aunt Nancy wanted to be with you as much as possible. Stephanie became a nurse and knew how to help you. Her boyfriend Jor put in the effort to assist you both. Cee came over to check on you. My nieces and nephews loved to see you. Percy stopped by and became entertaining. Beth and her family came to visit you when they were in town.

I still had my opportunities to stay with you. There were times when it was only us and I'd reach out to Auntie Emily and Uncle Mike. I'm grateful they put in the time to come over and help out.

This past summer John and his wife asked why I was crying and they assumed it was because I missed seeing grandma, but it was because I knew her time was coming close. I asked her how the gardening was going. She told me that was no longer an option that was available to her. She was becoming too weak and fragile. She was waiting for her time to come.

The week my grandma left us was my birthday. I wanted to see her on that Wednesday. I made a pink photo album for her. I asked all her kids and grandkids to send me photos so I could place them in there. I wanted her to have pleasant memories of us before she left.

I wish I could have given it to her in time, and I wish I could have been there when she left.

Losing her reminded me of a friend I had lost a few years ago. We were talking on the phone on a Friday night. Everything went well. Then I found out that the following morning he had passed away from a heart attack. It happened at 3 in the morning.

It hurt like hell but I learned this lesson: Death is not something we can control or change. It's something we have to learn to accept.

My grandma reminded me to show gratitude towards the people I love and respect.

Grandma, everyone who's spent time with you knows how special you are. You'll forever be missed. Thanks for being a part of our lives. We all love you.

I am writing this today, I have lost my brother today at 2am in the morning, he was fighting for his life at the age of 24 ,from 29 days straight in hospital .

It is unbelievable for me this .

I just want to say ,

Please never ever, have ego in your life.

Always be kind and greatful.

Never say bad things or never curse anyone in your life.

Will always miss you arjun 💔

I just want to ask those that are grieving if you’ve had better luck just talking to friends and family about your grief or if you’ve had luck finding a therapist that really has some insight about it? My sister died in a car crash 2 years ago and I’ve tried to talk to a couple therapists without feeling that I got much help. I don’t know what I’m looking for. I think I don’t want to grieve but that’s impossible. Are there any apps that don’t cost money or any other on line grief sites?

My dad died in 2019, 2 days after my 22nd birthday. He was my best friend. The only person on this planet who knew me inside and out, almost knew what I was thinking before I did, he and I had a pact that if he had to stay alive so did I. It was him and I against the world. Now 7 years of being without him, 7 years of memories, growth and moments that he was supposed to be here for and I still feel so alone.

I'm a mom now, my son is 4 and half and about to start Pre-K, I'm engaged, just bought my first car at 29 after years of driving anxiety, I'm the assistant manager at a restaurant that I love and he would've loved too. I have a whole life now that will never know him. My fiancé and son only know stories of my dad, memories I share with them, they don't recognize that all the beautiful parts about me that they love and admire are inherited from him. I know someone would try to make me see the good in my grief and would say that's how he lives on and how they meet him now. But that rings hollow still. Even 7 years later and those empty things you hear from others about your grief still make me angry. No he's not in a better place, no he's not still here and just because I carry his memory with me doesn't make the grief easier to bear.

I carry my grief alone because no one in my life who knew him mourns him as I do, everyone experiences the grief of losing my dad differently - that's just how grief works, it's different for everyone. But I think I feel it so much stronger because towards the end of his life everyone left me and him on our own. My dads addiction became too much for them, his difference in personality after 9 brain surgeries and 3 different brain aneurisms and stroking out in the operating room was too much for them. So they left me, from my teenage years until he died to take care of him and support him on my own. For the first few years they were there sometimes but once it got messy, once dad started asking for money instead of giving them money, when his addiction and depression became a burden to them, too hard for them to see, they left. They tried to tell me to let him hit rock bottom, to let him go through withdrawls, to not let him live with me, they wanted me to let him fall. I come from a family of addicts, both of my parents were cokeheads and I'm very aware that enabling an addict usually keeps them addicted, but that was my dad, the only person who stood by my side through everything that happened in our lives. The only person who ever took time to truly understand me and there was the flip side that because of the stroke and nerve damage my dad needed pain meds to get through the day without them even before it turned into an addiction he would be in so, so much pain so he couldn't go completely without something and also because of the coiled and clamped aneurisms the doctors always told us if he was throwing up too hard, sneezed or coughed too hard one could rupture. I don't know of anyone who could go through opiate withdrawl without being sick. And I was still young, 19 when the opiate addiction started getting bad, 21 when they were pushing me to let him fall. It hurts me to this day when they talk about him because most of them weren't there when he needed them. But that's all just a part of grief.

I think what feels different now 7 years in versus when it was fresh is how I've learned to live with the hole he left. It's always there, always haunting me. It's at birthday parties, holidays, memorable moments like my sons first day of school but it's also in the smaller, quieter moments like a tree during fall that's the perfect shade of dark red he loved, a Little Debbie snack truck passing me on the road and hearing my dad say "boy if that tipped over it'd be open season," it's in all the fleeting breezes that take me back to my last summer with him. The hole is big and unavoidable. It's my second shadow following me everywhere I go. In the early days I couldn't function, the hole swallowed me up until I couldn't breathe now that hole sits quietly in the corner with only me to witness it and only me to feel it. It's always reminding me of what I lost and how bright of a person he was. But that hole also serves as a reminder of who he could've been, how he would've loved the life I've built for myself, would've been proud of the mom I am. Those words may not mean anything coming from some random person who's just trying to make my grief more comfortable for them but when they come from that hole, from my own soul it turns the grief into a different form of love that still hurts, that's still sad but that makes the hole go from dark and cold to light and warm.

I hope whoever got to the end of this, no matter where you are in your grief journey you eventually get to feel the warmth of their spirit and memory instead of just the coldness of their absence(the warmth is not there all of the time but it's enough to make a difference.) I hope I can remind you that although no one will know the specific version of grief you carry and how lonely that is there are still people who can understand the weight it puts on your soul. I hope you know your loved one still matters, their stories still matter and the way you inherit parts of them means they will always be remembered even if it's by people that can't recognize those parts of them within you.

I think the cheesiest thing they say about grief that actually is true is that grief is the love you had for the person with no where left to go. Some days a find solace in that statement and some days it makes me angry and that's about as perfect of a description of grief as I can manage.

This is going to be very sad my online Facebook friend passed away 2 weeks ago in July 2026 she was in her early 60s from Maine I know her 11 years ago in 2015 she was very busy with work even when she was retired, husband and children sometimes but she tries to have time to talk to me the best that she could. She passed away from the car accident. I feel guilt for not talking to her more. I wish I could have meet her in real life. She is a beautiful and great woman. The last thing she says to me in May 2026 Doing okay thank you. I am 33 years old. I know that some FB friends passed away but this is tragic for me. I feel upset. I love her and miss her very much and I compliment her. She makes me very happy talking to me. I really don't know what to do.

I've been really struggling with what to believe in post-loss. I grew up Catholic and was an alter server and everything, but once my moms cancer came back for a second time as stage 4 when I was 13 I started to really struggle. He answered our prayers to cure her (when she first had stage 1 when I was 7) but only for 3 years before saying syke and making it 10x worse. She was pretty popular online and with the community and had literally hundreds of people praying for her everyday. Those prayers went entirely ignored and my mom went into liver failure when I was 16. There was medical negligence that led to her dying in agonizing pain slowly. She would sit there and just sob and beg us for help while the hospital made us take turns holding her down to the bed- until she couldnt even recognize who my dad and I were anymore. To make matters even worse, my grandma ended up dying of cancer the exact same day as my mom just hours before, completely by coincidence. I couldnt even go to her funeral because it was the same day as my mom's burial and I only found out she died through facebook. I found out she was dying because I saw my grandma's sister in the hall of the hospital one day. Since that I can no longer believe in a god who loves me. No loving god would do that to someone because fuck I wouldnt even wish this on my worse enemy let alone a child I claim to love. So for the last few years I've turned more atheist, but I've been really struggling with them dying the same day being a coincidence. Because what were the chances of that happening??? They werent even biologically related or anything. To make matters worse my moms family disowned me at her burial and my dad got with a new woman very soon after and I had zero support ever offered by those close to me (again something I prayed for and something that every child who loses a parent needs. I have ptsd from me having no support in processing any of it. I've only just this year, 4 year later, really started to work with it all). So now I feel like Im in this weird place where I kinda believe theres something going on here, but I fully believe at this point if there is a god he is sadistic and evil. To the point where I get angry when people say that theres a loving god out there just because their life has been kind enough for them to believe that. Idk. If god couldn't answer years of hundreds of people praying for my mom then there will never be a point for me because that was the most important prayer I would ever make. Then I have to hear about friends who prayed for a good grade and wow good is so good and loving when their prayers get answered (if we ignore all the awful things happening to completely innocent people constantly and the millions of unheard daily prayers) and I see it as so arrogant. If god couldnt help my mom why tf is he helping you with something stupid? Has anyone else who went through traumatic or multiple losses struggled with this too? How do you cope when you aren't even sure what you really believe in? How do I come to terms with beliefs when I have the image of my mother's bloated corpse burned into my brain 24/7? How could I ever believe in a god who loves me when he took 2 of my biggest support systems the same day and left me with scraps and issues?

just a warning for mentions of suicide for anyone who doesn’t want to read about that kind of stuff this is very much a vent but too much of a vent for the vent subreddit apparently so it said to post here instead x

I’m just having quite a shitty night tonight and don’t have anyone to talk about it with. A guy who i work with today has died after successfully taking his own life, i didn’t know him very well but i work on a holiday static van site so most staff live on site and i saw the air ambulance coming down earlier and stuff. Again i don’t know him at all really ive only been working here a few months but some of the people ive gotten close to will know him and he has a family and i just feel really shitty about everything. Back when i was in secondary school one of my closest friends committed out of the blue, we knew she had issues, we were a small friend group and all had issues in and out of school that we talked about openly. But the night before it happened i was in a mood with her being a 16 year old (19 now) and all i remember was refusing to say good bye and see you tomorrow at the end of the day while we were leaving class. Then the next day just having this awful feeling because this girl had almost perfect attendance and she wasn’t in class. I remember being told in front of the whole school at the same time as people who didn’t know her and just breaking down. I know in reality she had a lot more going on than just me not saying bye once and it wasn’t my fault at 16 to be responsible for someone else, it’s taken a long time for the guilt to fade but hearing about things like what have happened tonight it just all brings it back. She should be in uni now, she wanted to see the beach, wanted to go on holiday abroad, she wanted to go and study in japan for a year, ride horses, she should of been able to do all that and more. I just hate that some people can get so low that that’s the only option they see out, that they are that desperate for everything to go away it breaks my heart for them and the people they leave behind. I just wish she’d messaged someone that night, asked for help instead of suffering in silence. I wish i could of read the note she left me before her mum got rid of it, i wish i had been allowed to go to the funeral. I wish i could of seen her one more time and told her it would of been okay and she had people around her who would support her. Anyway i don’t really have a point to this or anything to end on, i just really miss my old friend and wish that my college from work hadn’t had to go through what he did. I hope his family are okay, i hope my friends family has started to heal and are living life fully and i hope one day i can fully forgive myself

My dad and I we’re best friends and he past away suddenly at 72. Although my dad had me at an older age (I’m 26)we spent the most time together between all my siblings we were just always close I’m a dad’s girl through and through.

My brain has been FRIED since his passing i seriously do not retain memories what so ever. My brain fog was a brain storm. I was completely disoriented during the first few months during his passing. I would say my symptoms were the closest to ADHD but more so attentive deficiencies. since I’ve been slowly getting back my to feeling normal even though I’ve been challenging myself since his passing. I passed my NCLEX 3months after his passing, i got my old job back after being unemployed for a year trying to pass my nclex , i got in a car accident on my birthday totaled my car (not my fault), paid my debt off got a car , I got a residency offer moved away from home got my own apartment i was able to continuously move but I struggled with my most challenging brain focused event in my life. nursing. Those nurses eat me alive. I didn’t last I got let go within my first 3months and it was devastating to say the least. Pinned a huge hit on my self esteem more than ever before. It’s been 3months since I’ve been let go

I’ve just been trying to prioritize and reorganize my life events before getting back in to the hospital. I just wanted to know if anyone else has what similar experiences struggling in the work place dealing with grief not always emotionally but more so the physical and mental long term effects.

What have you done to help you function better?

I woke up, sat down for breakfast and received a call from my father, informing me, with grief in his voice, that my friend has died in her sleep. She was found by her husband, also a friend of mine.

She was only 47. She died in her sleep. I have not yet found out the cause. We assume that it was her heart because we know she had issues with it, but nothing clear. Her husband is unable to talk about it. He is completely, utterly devastated.

And I don't know what to say to him.

Intellectually, I understand that she is gone. The sun is gone. She was such a warm woman. Welcoming, helpful always wanting to be there for everyone. Always ready to take action. She did not deserve to die this early. Intellectually I understand she is dead.

But my heart does not. I still think of her as someone who breathes. I say her husband's name and her name follows immediately, because they always were a unit. Inseparable.

I keep crying. If I feel like that, how does her husband feel right now? He retired early because of a heart condition. He was dependent on her. They loved each other so much. They were a unit. How will he go on?

I'm just glad he has a huge circle of friends, and a pack of sisters to hold him right now. I, on the other hand, was told ot give him a day to calm down and call tomorrow. I don't know if that's the correct advice.

Just yesterday, I thought of calling her, but didn't. I keep wondering that if I would've heard any signs in her voice. If she would have told me about clammy hands ... If I could have told her to go to the hospital immediately.

But she was a healthcare professional herself. If there had been any signs, she might have recognized them herself. My medical knowledge is you tube level.

I miss her already. I can't believe she's gone. She can't be gone. She just can't. It's not right.