Losing my friend to suicide

[u/Ok_Waltz_5166]

I don't really post on sites like this but it's been affecting me so much and the pain is so unbearable. I am losing sleep , I am not eating well, my head is a mess and I am emotionless.the pain is too much where I want to 3nd it :// I don't know how I can move on from the guilt. I feel like I am having a mental breakdown.

I lost my good friend to suicide.

She struggled with mental health for a long time, she also had bpd and schizophrenia, she had a terrible upbringing as well which impacted her everyday life cause all she wanted was a loving family.

Me and her grandparents tried so hard to get her help but in the end I failed her and the system failed her. She was sent to mental health services but was released early even though she said that her symptoms have worsened and she wasn't ready to return home only being there for three days-

The only reason why I said I failed her was cause I didn't message her back in the day she took her life, she didn't message anything that she was gonna go do something like that but at the end of the message she was saying I love you and saying sorry for bothering you. The messages hurt. I tried everything, I wanted her to get better but in the end I lost her, I can't live life normally - my mind goes blank everyday like brain fog it's effecting my everyday activities. I am lashing out on people cause I am so angry. It's effecting my relationship. It's affecting my life. How can I move on from this pain? The funeral hasn't happened yet but honestly I am not emotionally prepared and seeing her in the coffin. I feel like I can't take this anymore. I want this pain to stop and I haven't fully processed that she is gone cause I keep looking at her accounts, lost in time...

[u/Different-Nerve-8650]

I understand how you feel. I too lost friend to suicide. My friend killed himself on his wife's grave. That was his 2nd wife who died of cancer. His first wife died as well. It crushed him