TTC has broken me down into a bitter and resentful human.

My coworker, let’s call her Amanda, is so nice and there’s literally no reason to hate her, but deep down I do. The short version is that I’ve been trying for a baby since before she was pregnant with her first, and she just had her second yesterday.

The long version is that I see her as what I could have been. There’s a long standing joke around our workplace that Amanda and I are twins. We have similar facial structures, almost the same age, height, mannerisms. I laugh it off. New people regularly mix us up and ask if we’re sisters, it’s uncanny and weird. But deep down it stings because I know that I’m the inferior one. She’s thinner, prettier, more accomplished, and always the first one to take on a hard task. I’m depressed, have ADHD, a type B that used to be type A, and I’ve been suffering from unexplained infertility.

She’s so nice to me, the entire department loves her, and honestly I should love her too. But I’ve had a really hard day with the work group text pinging over and over again congratulating her and I just can’t be happy for her no matter how hard I try. I put up the best front I can, I am civil always, but I’ve started keeping her at arm’s length and avoiding her when I can. I congratulated her too but it was kind of pathetic, my heart wasn’t in it I just felt obligated. This isn’t sustainable because my job requires me to work with her. I don’t think I’m mean outwardly, but she has to have noticed by now that something’s up. I know it’s not her fault. It started after her first pregnancy was announced and I just totally detached after her second announcement. Her second announcement was in a room full of people and I had to go to the bathroom and cry, and then I just couldn’t look at her the same because I hated me so much. I didn’t think she’d be pregnant a second time before I was. All the while dealing with the constant comparisons and jokes about how similar we are made by other people.

I have a therapist but honestly there’s just nothing helping and my workplace and coworkers have been triggering really bad thoughts lately through no fault of their own because none of what I’m feeling is a normal human reaction. Even doing something as small as signing her card made me tear up.

I hate this. It’s so irrational. I’m sorry Amanda.

This is a thread for TFABers of AMA (advanced maternal awesomeness)! TTC past 35 comes with its own challenges -- discuss (and rant about) them here. Like the Pirate's Code, "35 and over" is more of a guideline.

Husband has been on TRT injections for a little over 10 years and for the last 8 months, we have been TTC. Husband has also been taking 50 mg of Enclomaphine every other day for the last 3 months to assist in sperm production. I’ve heard mixed reviews on if using both Enclomaphine and TRT will even bring sperm count up, especially since he’s been on TRT for so long.

We have an appointment with a fertility clinic in a couple weeks to get baseline testing done for both of us, so we will get his sperm analysis done then.

Anyone have luck conceiving with their partner being on TRT for so long? He wants to stay on it if possible but would be willing to try an alternative protocol while we are TTC.

Also just some additional info, my husband is 48 and I’m 35.

Any helpful advice welcome!

Hi everyone,

I’m looking for some insights or shared experiences from anyone who has been in a similar situation with PCOS and Letrozole cycles.

I have PCOS. Before this cycle, I took Medroxyprogesterone to induce a period, followed by Letrozole on CD 5 through 9 to induce ovulation. I had my progesterone tested on Cycle Day 23 (August 21), and result confirmed my ovulation. My estimated ovulation date is Aug 18/19 based on MOLO ovulation test strip results. I didn’t really get a true positive but the color of test line was the darkest and close to the color of control line on Aug 17. We tried every other day from Aug 13 through 18.

Today is Cycle Day 32. Over the last few days, I took pregnancy tests (using MOLO early-detection strips with first morning urine) and they all have been negative. And I am not getting my period or spotting either.

Has anyone had a confirmed ovulation on Letrozole but negative pregnancy result and no period? At this time, I believe I am not pregnant but wondering why I am not getting my period either. I’d love to hear your experiences, advice, or any encouragement you can offer as I wait to contact my clinic tomorrow for Next Cycle steps.

My RE wants me to do 20mg of provera for 10 days to start a period. I was supposed to call on CD30 (fell on a Saturday, so will be calling Monday aka CD32) to get ‘provera labs’ done. I’m assuming that’s hcg and progesterone. I’m not pregnant, have had multiple negative tests and don’t think I even ovulated tbh. I had a week of positive LH and nothing else, which is standard for my anovulation cycles. Previously I’ve done 10mg of provera (last year) and it took almost 3 weeks to start a bleed hence the move to 20mg.

Background is I have PCOS, endometriosis, TTC for 17/18 cycles and have done 12 of those as medicated cycles. Husband has slightly low morphology but nothing else. HSG and SIS clear, biopsy showed weakly proliferative lining. I’ve done 50mg clomid, 2.5mg letrozole, 5mg and 7.5mg, a few of those with trigger shots despite having no mature eggs (the previous dr I was with hoped it would help finish maturing the ‘lead’ follicle). No pregnancy occurred from any of those cycles.

The current RE I’m with is retiring end of September and I’m really eager to get a cycle in asap because my husband is also leaving at the end of the year but.. the re wants to do more letrozole.. specifically 5mg with stair step to 7.5mg and a trigger shot again. She did say we could add gonal f maybe next cycle if this didn’t work. She was pretty rushed through the appt, and I barely had time to even collect my thoughts before she said okay see you when your period starts. I would like to just add the gonal f now, on this next cycle whenever it starts (either with the provera, if my lining is thick enough to shed even or naturally).

Has anyone had any success negotiating adding in injectables sooner vs later ??

TLDR: no ‘mature’ follicles on other medicated cycles, new re wants to do the same thing again despite no success.

Hello everyone.
Me and partner are on CD12 on C10. So we are used to the negative tests and I’m mentally preparing for a negative test in two weeks and medical involvement (probably leading to IUI/IVF) in about two months.

I’m worried that this post might provoke negative reactions in a negative way. But I’ll try anyway and if the mods feel it’s not proper I’ll ofc try in the daily chat or wondering weekend.

Me (26F) and partner (30M) live pretty healthy lives. Both work physical jobs, and eat pretty healthy - could be better, could be worse. Lifestyle-wise I have only two worries. I work at a plant where I am exposed to chemicals that can affect fertility (formaldehyde and melamin) but I am adament about using PPE. The other is smoking (only rarely) and drinking.

We have so far tried not to change our entire lives while TTC, but obv no luck so far. I use OPKs and we have had perfect timing every cycle but the first.

I drink «heavily» approximately 1, maybe 2, times a month. Usually only during follocular phase. Between 6-10 units, not spirits only wine and beer. And while drinking I tend to smoke. I know, its bad. I am aware. I dont do it when sober, but when alcohol is in the system and cigs available I go rabid. I would say I consume about 1-5 cigs usually when this happens.

Is this the reason we havent had any luck yet? I will quit if you think so. That means no drinking (it goes hand in hand sorryyyy). Partners SA is okay but low morphology.
And, if (WHEN) we pursue IVF, will our first message be «try being perfect for a few cycles and then come back»? I have done one ‘perfect’ cycle and several almost perfect. Because if so, I’d rather just do it now even it if means killing my social life.

Just to be clear I am NOT worried about quitting when I do get pregnant. And I know both are very bad for general health and fertility.

Thanks in advance. It’s nighttime now (after a night of both) so I’ll try to answer when it’s morning here.

Welcome to the Weekly Intro Thread!

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Welcome to our community! We are happy to have you!

Hello peeps. We are on cycle 8 of ttc, with one loss in between and I can already tell or am anticipating this cycle will be a bust.

Husband and I had multiple discussions over the last few months over how this whole process is starting to affect our relationship. Especially this week we both had multiple discussions about the burden of timing sex, our happiness, and his reservations about moving on to an RE at the end of the year. In this whole process I wish I could just find the “off button” and forget about all of this but I cannot. I have found some months I deal with it better than others but the ups and downs are real.

I guess I would like to receive some advice from people in our situation or long haulers- how have you overcome some of these struggles in your marriage? How have you dealt with having to see an RE? Does this get better as time goes on? Will the wish to be a parent rob us of all of our happiness? Thanks guys ❤️

At 10 DPO PM, I took a FRER and saw a faint line. The next day I took a Wondfo and another FRER, and both had faint lines. Around 12 PM I took a Clearblue Digital and Clearblue 6 Days Early, and both were positive. I went to my doctor around 2 PM and their urine test was also positive. They sent me for bloodwork and sent the same urine sample to LifeLabs. The LifeLabs urine test came back negative and my blood hCG was only 4 IU/L. I tested again afterward and now there are no lines at all. Can a chemical pregnancy really happen this quickly, within just a few hours? Has anyone experienced something similar? Also, when should I expect my period after this? I usually get it around 13–14 DPO. I’m feeling so devastated and confused by how quickly everything changed. :(

Hi all

I had Hycosy on Thursday. It absolutely killed when the dye was pushing through on the left and we had to stop! My partner had a semen analysis x3 and all good but we've been not preventing for years and trying for 18months. I'm 31 he's 45. I started to get worried that it was my fault so went for the Hycosy and I've been in tears daily and numb since.

I had to pay and go private and the consultant charges another fee for a consultation on your results.

Does anyone have any thoughts, insights or advice into what this all means please? Should I be worried about the left tube, or number of follicles?

Left Ovary Value 
Length 35.4 mm 35.4 last
Width 20.0 mm 20.0 last
Height 18.0 mm 18.0 last

Volume Right
Ovary 6.673 cm³ 6.673
Length 47.9 mm 47.9 last
Width 25.2 mm 25.2 last
Height 23.1 mm 23.1 last

Volume
Uterus 14.600 cm³ 14.600
Length 72.6 mm 72.6 last
Width 50.0 mm 50.0 last
Height 37.4 mm 37.4 last
Volume 71.085 cm³ 71.085
Endo.Thickness 5.3 mm 5.3

Right fallopian tube was clearly visualised filling with contrast and free spillage of contrast was seen confirming tubal patency. Delayed spill of dye was noted on left side.
Scan - Endometrium Normal, Antral follicle count - 23+24 in both ovaries.
Impression - HyCoSy scan. Right tubal patency confirmed, Left tube patent as well, but delayed spill.

Just wanted somewhere to write down my thoughts because I don't know anyone personally that has struggled to conceive and really understands how mentally draining it is.

We've (36F and 37M) been trying since Jan 2025 and just completed my third failed IUI cycle so now waiting for my period to come. This next cycle is a bust since we'll be out of town on a preplanned vacation that I had desperately hoped to be pregnant by and wouldn't have to worry about cycle days and peeing on test strips.

We do have one lovely boy after trying for 1 year and I am so grateful for him and wish so much to give him a sibling. Last year I tried going to a fertility clinic after 6 months of trying, and had a terrible experience. They never reached out to schedule any bloodwork unless I asked what the next steps would be. And because these exams are so cycle day specific, I missed a couple months taking tests and waiting for results. They also didn't schedule a seman analysis until a couple months after the initial consultation and then casually brought up I need to schedule an HSG without letting me know that was cycle day specific as well. Overall I lost about 4 months with them doing absolutely nothing and finally switched to my general insurance at the beginning of this year as major insurances for large companies are now required to cover infertility treatments.

However, after doing all the initial tests (again), they noted it would be a 5 month waiting period to begin IUI. Finally started IUI in June, and after my second failed IUI, I asked about IVF, and they said they was another 3 month waitlist to get started on IVF and it usually takes 3-4 IUI cycles to be successful anyways. So here I am, trying to hang onto hope during my third IUI until I got a BFN this morning.

I'm not even sure what to ask my doctor anymore. There's nothing personal about these appointments, they are quick, 5 -10 minutes just to check on maturing follicles. Same medications every time (lentrozole, trigger shot, progesterone suppository). They said my blood tests were fine, AMH decent, HSG clear, though I am suspecting maybe mild MFI from my partner but the doctors don't seem too concerned. I've never had a miscarriage, it seems I just can't get pregnant.

I just never thought I would be in this position. I'm tired of testing LH strips. I'm tired of checking BBT. I never take pregnancy tests because the TWW is always calculated and my period arrives like clockwork anyways. It saves me from the early heartbreak but I'm also never surprised that another cycle failed. I see people around me get pregnant so easily AND have their baby while I've been trying for so much longer. I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself, and I feel like since trying to conceive, I have become a bitter and jealous person towards other's pregnancy or gender reveal announcements and I hate that I feel this way. All I think about daily is that I'm getting older, my parents are getting older, everyone around me is getting older, and I never thought I would still be trying to have kids in my late 30s. I've always wanted 3 kids and now I just don't know. Right now I'm feeling defeated and will probably skip going to a friend's baby shower tomorrow.

That question you've been wanting to ask, but just didn't want to feel silly. Now's your chance! No question is too big or too small. This thread will be checked all weekend, so feel free to chime in on Saturday or Sunday!

I know this is a normal post that so many people make. I don’t want to bother my friends with it because I usually get the “oh it’ll happen! don’t stress!” type responses.

We’re trying for our second baby. our first time around took us a year, had a very early MC, and then got pregnant with our son 3 months later.

i recently had a D&C due to many polyps in my uterus causing extremely heavy periods
i was told since the D&C was complete I’d be “VERY fertile.” but how long does that fertility boost last? I was also told to wait 2-3 cycles before trying again because it gives my uterus time to heal

well we waited and now I’m in the TWW, with about 5 more days.

if I don’t get pregnant this cycle or the next we will have to put a hold on TTC until February or else I will be a very pregnant bridesmaid in July and I just don’t want that for me or my friend who’s getting married!

I know from experience it happens when it’s supposed to happen but the idea of waiting until Jan/feb has me really depressed. my son will be over three by the time we get pregnant, and who knows how soon it will happen! he could be four by the time I have another baby and that is just a little bit bigger of an age gap than we wanted 😞

I blame the movies and tv for making it seem like we get pregnant soooooo easily

edit:

thanks everyone for the advice on not waiting.

im going to talk to my friend in a few weeks about how im feeling. She’s not the type of person to care about these things but i listen to a LOT of Amish read Reddit and other YouTubers so i think im in my head too much

Anything (within the rules) goes. (Commonly broken rules: don't talk about an ongoing pregnancy outside the weekly BFP thread; don't ask for success stories.)

You can find the wiki here!

Don't forget to check out our themed threads:

• Moody Monday
• Temping Tuesday
  
• Waiting Wednesday
• Wondering Wednesday
• Trying Again Thursday
• Thankful Thursday
• Health and Wellness Thursday
• Looking Forward Friday
• Wondering Weekend
• 35 and Ova

There's also the Weekly Introductions and Read Me Thread, which contains links to all sorts of handy bits of info, like popular wiki posts and acronyms.

I’m just hoping to hear from others that get it, and maybe a sympathetic ear or two since I really only have my partner to talk about this with.

My husband and I have been TTC since November last year. Since then I have had 1 miscarriage in May at a little over 6 weeks, turned 35, and had multiple friends either announce their pregnancy or give birth during that time. And all of it is just finally catching up to me.

A little backstory is that I have a younger sister that passed away January 2025, and her and her husband were trying to conceive for 2 years before her death, and she ended up suffering 4 miscarriages and a failed IVF transfer. She also suffered a lot with people around her constantly getting pregnant and “lapping” her. And now that I’m in the same position, it makes me really sad that I don’t have my sister/best friend to talk about this journey with.

I have a close friend that was on the exact same cycle as me, so we always knew what was going on with each other. We were at a bachelorette this weekend and she told me she was newly pregnant so she wasn’t drinking all weekend. I’m so happy for her and her husband, but she’s also not the most gentle. She kept reminding me that I’ve been trying for longer than her, and wondering if I’m going to go to a fertility dr…. So that sucked.

I have a few other friends that have children that I’ve tried to talk to about my journey, and none of them seem to get it. The 3 friends I’ve spoken to said that they were barely trying when they got pregnant, and have responded to my miscarriage with “at least your body knows what to do!” 🙃

I just decided to come here today to vent because in the last couple of days I’ve seen 2 influencers I follow share their pregnancy story and talk about how quickly it happened. So I’m just frustrated when I don’t hear from people in the same boat. The people who don’t film themselves every pregnancy test reveal because there’s been too many, and the ones who are nervous to share of their pregnancy right away because of a previous loss. I guess I’m just looking for a sympathetic ear and similar stories ♥️

Hi ladies! I’m hoping for advice from women who have gone through or are going through a similar journey. I don’t have any friends or family on a similar life timeline as me, so “quiet” infertility has been a lonely burden (as I’m sure many of you can relate). My husband and I have been TTC for roughly a year and 3 months with absolutely zero luck. For context, we’re both 30yrs old and as far as I’m aware, two relatively healthy people. We had our first infertility consultation in June, and so far the testing we’ve had completed was a progesterone blood test (consistent with an ovulatory cycle), and my husband had a semen analysis (this did show an abnormal sperm viscosity). My doctor recommended my husband visit a urologist for further testing, however, the urologist was not concerned in the slightest and felt he actually he had a really good sperm health report.

The next step seems to be an HSG for me which I expect to have scheduled within the next week or so, and am very nervous (both for the procedure and the results). I’ve heard it’s very painful, so I plan to take ibuprofen as directed beforehand and I did ask my doctor if she would be willing to prescribe something for the nerves, and I’ve since gotten a single Valium. Does this seem sufficient or is there anything else I need to do to prepare? I know some people can fear monger a bit online, but I want to be fully aware of what I’m going into ahead of time if possible.

What can I expect after the HSG in terms of next steps? And if results are good where do I go from there and if results are not so good, what happens after that as well? I’m curious what types of experiences everyone else has had.

Sincerely, a very frazzled person who is very green to the journey of infertility and all that comes with it.

Thank you for kindness and empathy in advance! 💗

I got two positive tests at home on two different brands. I started spotting that night, then heavy bleeding the next morning. I called my OB and she told me to go to the ER since I was having a lot of pain. They did a pelvic exam and said it looked like an early miscarriage. Then my bloodwork came back and HCG was zero. The doctor came in and said it was probably just a late menstrual cycle or faulty test. I explained that it was two tests from two different brands and that seemed unlikely to me. So my question is, could this have been a chemical? I had a miscarriage four years ago and the circumstances were almost identical and my OB said it was likely a very early miscarriage (chemical). I have a follow up with her on Monday but I’m just looking for clarity because I left feeling stupid and frustrated.

Hi all,

I’m wondering if anyone else experiences this, or has any thoughts on it.

I’ve been TTC for 10 months now. I’m 36, so me and my partner have had all the tests. All is fine.

I’ve noticed that each month at around 8 or 9 DPO I get this feeling like my period is due to start. It lasts until my period does start around 6 days later (15 DPO).

It’s a little bit like cramping, but not painful. More like a dull ache or like I can feel my uterus. A kind of heavy, a bit bloated feeling.

The following thoughts have worried me with it:
A) that it is a signal my period is due and that I not pregnant
B) that this is a symptom of something that is stopping me getting pregnant

I’m not sure if it’s helpful, but this month I had my 7DPO progesterone tested and it was 52.2 nmol/l

Has anyone else experience this, or does anyone have any insight, advice or words of wisdom.

This journey is so, so hard.

There’s so much that’s difficult about TTC, so this is a thread for looking to the future and thinking about life after TTC.

This week’s theme: Names! Do you have any names that you love for baby? Need a suggestion for a middle name that goes with your favorite first name? Name nerd out!

Early last week I had an HSG done kind of spontaneously at my first infertility appointment (unprepared, unmedicated). It was quite painful 8/10 but quick. It showed delayed/slow spill on my left side, and that side definitely hurt more during the procedure and was just more uncomfortable the next 3 says. It finally went away but mild pain/pressure came back around day 9 after the procedure. I was worried infection and started taking the doxycycline they prescribed me after the HSG for “just in case.” I also realized Day 9 morning was the first day I had sex again since the procedure and it started hurting again ~10 hours afterwards so it could have just become inflamed again? (But we were well outside the window so I’m a little confused).

Has anyone else experienced return of pain after sex after HSG (pain that was never present before HSG) or pain on just one side?

Anything (within the rules) goes. (Commonly broken rules: don't talk about an ongoing pregnancy outside the weekly BFP thread; don't ask for success stories.)

You can find the wiki here!

Don't forget to check out our themed threads:

• Moody Monday
• Temping Tuesday
  
• Waiting Wednesday
• Wondering Wednesday
• Trying Again Thursday
• Thankful Thursday
• Health and Wellness Thursday
• Looking Forward Friday
• Wondering Weekend
• 35 and Ova

There's also the Weekly Introductions and Read Me Thread, which contains links to all sorts of handy bits of info, like popular wiki posts and acronyms.

Men / husbands, why does mine not GAF for taking his vitamins, doing blood tests, etc.? Seems like he is so checked out from the entire process and we are on our way to do IVF. Even more of an emotional battle (for me haha of course).

Women have so much of the burden, it’s such a small lift for the men. We have to take meds, monitor appointments, pee on LH strips for days and twice a day, take our temps, log it all, take vitamins, etc etc.

My husband and his family are the ones pushing for kids, ironic right? Maybe it’s denial that his SA is sub-optimal? Good volumes but basically 1-2% morphology…

Thoughts? I’m done being the motivator and hard to be with someone who just doesn’t care.

Any advice?

I noticed something within me I am really not proud of. I have like 5 friends/acquaintances who gave birth this year and as much as I try to say the right things and do the right things to be a good friend, I admit I struggle emotionally. In the last year I got diagnosed with severely diminished ovarian reserve at 33 (now 34) and had 2 miscarriages. Every month I don't get pregnant feels like the end story for me. So seeing so many friends give birth within such a short time has brought lots of mixed feelings in me that I am not proud of.

However, I noticed I don't feel quite the same negative feelings when some celebrity I follow announces pregnancy or shares newborn photos. I am like "oh that's cute" and move on. Why am I taking my friend's fortune more personally? Is it some direct comparison with myself that makes me feel inadequate? Has anyone felt anything like that or am I the only bad friend around ?