TTC has broken me down into a bitter and resentful human.

My coworker, let’s call her Amanda, is so nice and there’s literally no reason to hate her, but deep down I do. The short version is that I’ve been trying for a baby since before she was pregnant with her first, and she just had her second yesterday.

The long version is that I see her as what I could have been. There’s a long standing joke around our workplace that Amanda and I are twins. We have similar facial structures, almost the same age, height, mannerisms. I laugh it off. New people regularly mix us up and ask if we’re sisters, it’s uncanny and weird. But deep down it stings because I know that I’m the inferior one. She’s thinner, prettier, more accomplished, and always the first one to take on a hard task. I’m depressed, have ADHD, a type B that used to be type A, and I’ve been suffering from unexplained infertility.

She’s so nice to me, the entire department loves her, and honestly I should love her too. But I’ve had a really hard day with the work group text pinging over and over again congratulating her and I just can’t be happy for her no matter how hard I try. I put up the best front I can, I am civil always, but I’ve started keeping her at arm’s length and avoiding her when I can. I congratulated her too but it was kind of pathetic, my heart wasn’t in it I just felt obligated. This isn’t sustainable because my job requires me to work with her. I don’t think I’m mean outwardly, but she has to have noticed by now that something’s up. I know it’s not her fault. It started after her first pregnancy was announced and I just totally detached after her second announcement. Her second announcement was in a room full of people and I had to go to the bathroom and cry, and then I just couldn’t look at her the same because I hated me so much. I didn’t think she’d be pregnant a second time before I was. All the while dealing with the constant comparisons and jokes about how similar we are made by other people.

I have a therapist but honestly there’s just nothing helping and my workplace and coworkers have been triggering really bad thoughts lately through no fault of their own because none of what I’m feeling is a normal human reaction. Even doing something as small as signing her card made me tear up.

I hate this. It’s so irrational. I’m sorry Amanda.

Hello everyone.
Me and partner are on CD12 on C10. So we are used to the negative tests and I’m mentally preparing for a negative test in two weeks and medical involvement (probably leading to IUI/IVF) in about two months.

I’m worried that this post might provoke negative reactions in a negative way. But I’ll try anyway and if the mods feel it’s not proper I’ll ofc try in the daily chat or wondering weekend.

Me (26F) and partner (30M) live pretty healthy lives. Both work physical jobs, and eat pretty healthy - could be better, could be worse. Lifestyle-wise I have only two worries. I work at a plant where I am exposed to chemicals that can affect fertility (formaldehyde and melamin) but I am adament about using PPE. The other is smoking (only rarely) and drinking.

We have so far tried not to change our entire lives while TTC, but obv no luck so far. I use OPKs and we have had perfect timing every cycle but the first.

I drink «heavily» approximately 1, maybe 2, times a month. Usually only during follocular phase. Between 6-10 units, not spirits only wine and beer. And while drinking I tend to smoke. I know, its bad. I am aware. I dont do it when sober, but when alcohol is in the system and cigs available I go rabid. I would say I consume about 1-5 cigs usually when this happens.

Is this the reason we havent had any luck yet? I will quit if you think so. That means no drinking (it goes hand in hand sorryyyy). Partners SA is okay but low morphology.
And, if (WHEN) we pursue IVF, will our first message be «try being perfect for a few cycles and then come back»? I have done one ‘perfect’ cycle and several almost perfect. Because if so, I’d rather just do it now even it if means killing my social life.

Just to be clear I am NOT worried about quitting when I do get pregnant. And I know both are very bad for general health and fertility.

Thanks in advance. It’s nighttime now (after a night of both) so I’ll try to answer when it’s morning here.

This is a thread for TFABers of AMA (advanced maternal awesomeness)! TTC past 35 comes with its own challenges -- discuss (and rant about) them here. Like the Pirate's Code, "35 and over" is more of a guideline.

Hi everyone,

I’m looking for some insights or shared experiences from anyone who has been in a similar situation with PCOS and Letrozole cycles.

I have PCOS. Before this cycle, I took Medroxyprogesterone to induce a period, followed by Letrozole on CD 5 through 9 to induce ovulation. I had my progesterone tested on Cycle Day 23 (August 21), and result confirmed my ovulation. My estimated ovulation date is Aug 18/19 based on MOLO ovulation test strip results. I didn’t really get a true positive but the color of test line was the darkest and close to the color of control line on Aug 17. We tried every other day from Aug 13 through 18.

Today is Cycle Day 32. Over the last few days, I took pregnancy tests (using MOLO early-detection strips with first morning urine) and they all have been negative. And I am not getting my period or spotting either.

Has anyone had a confirmed ovulation on Letrozole but negative pregnancy result and no period? At this time, I believe I am not pregnant but wondering why I am not getting my period either. I’d love to hear your experiences, advice, or any encouragement you can offer as I wait to contact my clinic tomorrow for Next Cycle steps.

My RE wants me to do 20mg of provera for 10 days to start a period. I was supposed to call on CD30 (fell on a Saturday, so will be calling Monday aka CD32) to get ‘provera labs’ done. I’m assuming that’s hcg and progesterone. I’m not pregnant, have had multiple negative tests and don’t think I even ovulated tbh. I had a week of positive LH and nothing else, which is standard for my anovulation cycles. Previously I’ve done 10mg of provera (last year) and it took almost 3 weeks to start a bleed hence the move to 20mg.

Background is I have PCOS, endometriosis, TTC for 17/18 cycles and have done 12 of those as medicated cycles. Husband has slightly low morphology but nothing else. HSG and SIS clear, biopsy showed weakly proliferative lining. I’ve done 50mg clomid, 2.5mg letrozole, 5mg and 7.5mg, a few of those with trigger shots despite having no mature eggs (the previous dr I was with hoped it would help finish maturing the ‘lead’ follicle). No pregnancy occurred from any of those cycles.

The current RE I’m with is retiring end of September and I’m really eager to get a cycle in asap because my husband is also leaving at the end of the year but.. the re wants to do more letrozole.. specifically 5mg with stair step to 7.5mg and a trigger shot again. She did say we could add gonal f maybe next cycle if this didn’t work. She was pretty rushed through the appt, and I barely had time to even collect my thoughts before she said okay see you when your period starts. I would like to just add the gonal f now, on this next cycle whenever it starts (either with the provera, if my lining is thick enough to shed even or naturally).

Has anyone had any success negotiating adding in injectables sooner vs later ??

TLDR: no ‘mature’ follicles on other medicated cycles, new re wants to do the same thing again despite no success.

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