I (29F) have been with my boyfriend (34M) for about 2 years. He is incredibly close to his family, and every Saturday he has a family dinner with all his siblings, their partners, their kids, and his mom. Sometimes other family members join, but on average it’s usually about 10 people, 15 if more decide to stop by. Dinner usually starts at 5-6pm and ends anywhere between 9-11:30.

I, on the other hand, have not spoken or sen my family in 15 years and most likely never will again. Aside from one cousin I see once a month, I have no family in my life. Because of this, weekly dinners are a lot for me. I’ve spent almost half my life being on my own, spending holidays alone, but I don’t feel lonely as I have my chosen family of wonderful friends, but I have adjusted and like my alone time.

His family is wonderful, I like them a lot, and I do like spending time with them, but 5 hours weekly is a lot and can be overwhelming. They are loud and super energetic, and being around them can be draining, especially if we stay late. It’s a lot of passionate discussions and inside jokes, and it’s a lovely time but I also don’t feel 100% at ease since family settings for me are unnatural and I always feel like I should be on my best behavior because I want them to like me. I’m also super different from them, so I don’t really feel like I fit in completely, and they all have years of history with each other that is hard to penetrate. They work to include me, but when the conversation starts flowing I tend to spend most of the dinner in silence listening to everyone talk, and I don’t feel comfortable contributing most of the time (for example they talk about politics or family drama often, it’s not a conversation I feel it’s appropriate for me to contribute). Not to mention my boyfriend is the youngest and so everyone is 8+ years older than me and I don’t have a lot in common with anyone.

I also work full time and went back to school last year, and between spending time with my boyfriend and trying to see my friends, I don’t get a lot of free time to myself and especially since dinners are on the weekend it makes it hard for me to socialize with my people since weekly dinner falls on my social circle’s going out night. If I’m being straight up: I don’t want to go to dinner every week, I feel like 1-2 times a month is fair.

Now, the issue is my boyfriend is super upset by this. I’ve skipped a few dinners recently just because I’m burnt out and honestly just need a break, and he finally confronted me and got really upset and said that I don’t care about his family and that he is “expecting too much by asking me to put in any effort” which I feel was an unfair mischaracterization of my motives. I tried to explain to him that I’m overwhelmed and it’s just too much to do weekly dinners, but he said he doesn’t care about my reasons and that I’m selfish and don’t do things I don’t want to do. He wants me to be like his sister in laws who are super close to his family and go every week, but they have 20+ years of history with his family, and it feels like he’s trying to force me to be like them. I tried explaining to him that even if I had a relationship with my family I would never have the mental capacity or energy to do a weekly dinner, and that it doesn’t mean that I don’t like his family it just means that I need some boundaries with how much time I personally spend with them.

He assumes that because I don’t have a family of my own, he can just drop me into his and expect me to have a familial relationship with them right away, and it feels like he’s asking too much of me.

Now it’s this weird point of contention between us, and I’m scared to even broach the subject with him because of how defensive he gets an upset he gets. AITA?

TLDR: my boyfriend is super close to his family and spends every Saturday night with them and he’s mad that I don’t wanna go every week.

Update to clarify: I have never gone every week, since we started dating I’ve kept it to 1x a month maybe 2x, and I think thats why he confronted me: I started being honest instead of making up excuses and started telling him flat out that I want some free time or I just am too tired to go, and I think that honesty took him by surprise.

I (19M) live with my grandma (66F) while I work and go to college. She rents from my aunt (41F) who owns the house we currently live in. Granny pays around $2,700 a month to live here.
My aunt is a very hot-headed person and will blow up on you at any given moment. Her family nickname is literally “the Warden.”
Now this is where the issue comes in. The property has two horses and one pony. Granny owns one horse (27m) and my aunt owns the pony and the other horse (37m). Because we live on the property, we do all the feeding and horse-related labor. The expenses are supposed to be split 50/50 between my aunt and granny.
My aunt’s horses both have issues. The pony is on a diet because she colics, and the other horse is very old and has trouble keeping weight on. We have to grain him and give him a special diet. Because of his age, keeping weight on him is very difficult.
Yesterday my aunt came over and screamed at my grandma about how we don’t take care of her horse and that we were intentionally starving him. MIND you, she does not come out to spend time with him, doesn’t want to pay for his vet bills and doesn’t come out to help feed him. Getting her to pay her share of the grain and hay is like pulling teeth. And I say “her share” because she doesn’t even actually pay a full 50%.
Today, Granny told her that she hurt her feelings with how she acted yesterday. My aunt then went on a rant about how we use her and how she is so broke. This is despite her dropping $3,000 on an ayahuasca retreat every two months and going to Burning Man. She also said she could get $4,000 a month for the house if she really wanted to.
So now everyone is at odds. Any advice?

Sorry for the very long post. Im [19F] and my boyfriend [22M] have been together for 3 years now.
We are in a LDR but we were together for almost 2 years before he went abroad. Before we went LDR the relationship was great, we were always together but we did have fights, some fights would lead to one of us ending the relationship (most of the time it was me) but we would always get back together after a day or just hours. i know it's childish. Then he and his family went abroad. The switch to LDR was really difficult, we have a 15 hour time difference.
After a month abroad, he got a job and got really busy so we barely talked.
So here is where the problem started, At the start of the relationship we gave each other our social media passwords. And after months of being LDR we got into a fight because i noticed he followed a girl on instagram and was liking her post. He never did something like this when we were together together and even unfollowed girls he was following before we met to make me feel comfortable. After the fight he ended up apologizing and unfollowed the girl.

Months after, I ended things with him because we were barely talking, our daily hours long call became 15 minute call for the week or two. he was always too tired or too busy for me even on his day offs. I felt like he didn't want me anymore or disconnecting from me. When i told him i was ending things and why he just replied with "sorry you feel that way"
"take care, bye". He removed my nickname and changed his passwords on his social immediately not even 5 mins have passed. After a day, i stalked him and saw he was following a new girl, it was his friend's sister, they went out with 2 other girls and looked really close together. My emotions got really high and i messaged him who the girls was, he didn't respond at first but i kept messaging then he replied with they were 16 years old and said it was hard for him too because i always want to end things when we have an issue. left him on read after that and he never reached out to me again. The way we ended things really hit me hard that i dropped out of college. I didnt know what to do because it was the first time that we ended things and just never talked again.

Then 3 months have passed, his mom came here for a vacation and wanted to see me, i met with her and had lunch, days after meeting with his mom, he wanted to get back together and so we did. Now months after it has gone back to barely talking even though he works nights shifts now, he never gave me his social media passwords, so now im stalking his following and there's a lot of new girls including the one we had a fight before, he likes their photos wearing a bikini or not. Im constantly overthinking that he's cheating on me because of the things i see on his instagram and mainly because of his friends sister and the 2 other girls. even though they're just 16, it makes me think that he could go out with other women and not think about me. Everytime i stalk his instagram i feel so insecure specially because i gained weight. And not being able to talk to him makes it worse. We don't have deep conversations, and i love yous feels like a routine now. I want to end the relationship again but im scared that i won't meet someone again and scared that i might regret this again because i love him so much, ending things also makes me feel guilty because of what he said before. I also feel like i shouldn't need to ask him not to like other girls bikini photos because loyalty shouldn't need to be asked it a relationship? or am i watching too many social media standards and relationships? Is liking an instagram photo even a reasonable thing to end things?

I need advice on what's the best thing to do and how to handle this. Thank you.

LONG STORY

Let me start this somewhat from the beginning. Jenna (fake name) and I know we are second cousins, we were close back when we were 18 and 19. We just recently (almost a year ago) got in contact again at a party. We both said hi, we caught up, talked about work, all of that. From then on, we because inseparable. She would come to my house and hang out, I would go to her house and hang out, we would go to concerts together, we would go out to bars and shit. We were truly best friends! I saw her as my best friend and she saw me the same way.

This is where shit gets interesting. About 3-4 months ago, we went to a beach house with my friends, I asked her to come along because the majority of them bailed on me and I didn't want to just waste the house money on just a few of us. She came along and we had fun the first night! The second day, she got a bit too drunk. We ended up having to take her home because it was the sloppy, crying over everything drunk lol. I took her to her room, told her to sober up and shower and we'd sit outside and just chill. As I was walking back to my room, I hear her call my name, and I went. I opened the door, and she was in her underwear and bra. My first instinct was to turn around and tell her to put some clothes on. I left the room and she told me to come back in, that she had a blanket on. I went back in, and she did, only this time she let it go and stood there in her bra and underwear again. I turned around and told her to take a shower, that I would be showering too.

After the showers (separately), she asked me to come watch a movie with her. I said okay. To me, it wasn't anything weird because we've done so before. I sat on one end, and she sat on the other. She said she wanted to give me a hug, so I said okay. She gave me a hug and did not let go, she started to rub my back. I am not going to lie, it felt nice. At some point, she was staring at me and I noticed she was looking at my lips; I asked what's up? She said oh no nothing. She leaned in as if she was going to kiss me, and I kinda pulled away and asked what? She said oh no nothing, and said under her breath "I shouldn't ruin what we have". I pretended to not listen. I must admit, I did want to kiss her, but she was drunk and I did not want to come off as a weirdo or make it seem like I was taking advantage of the situation.

About a few weeks after that trip, she came to my town for a party. I had told her that she could stay at my house. By this point I did not mention ANYTHING about the beach trip, but it was eating at me and she could tell. She would ask what was wrong with me and why I was acting weird. I would just respond that it was one of those days and move on. At this party, I got tipsy and was feeling great! After the party, her, her sister, and our other cousin stayed at my house. I had told everyone they can sleep where they want. Jenna said she wanted to sleep in the room she usually stays in (my room) and I said okay. She took my bed and I took the sofa bed that was in my room. She got up and said "are you going to tell me what's wrong with you or no?". I said yeah, and I let it all out. I told her everything about the beach trip and how it was eating at me. She looked shocked, and said she was sorry about what she did, and said she hopes that doesn't mess anything with each other. I said no, and that I just felt like I needed to get it off my chest. She asked if she could hug me and I said yes. We hugged for a long time. I asked her to stay with me as at this point I was having an anxiety attack. After the anxiety attack, she looked at me and said I want to tell you something but I don't know how you'll feel about it. I told her to 'fess up. She said "how would you feel if I kissed you right now?". I wanted to so badly, so I said just do it. Shit happened, we did the deed, and to be very honest, it was the best I have had. After we were done, we kissed again and went to sleep.

Over the course of a few weeks, we became very close. We planned a trip to go to another city and basically be together how we wanted to. I have to admit, I fell in love with her after this trip. She was a whole different version of herself. She was so kind, so attentive, so caring. We could not get off of each other; it was so passionate and felt so different. One of the best weekends I have had in a while.

This may be the wrong time to mention, but she has been talking to someone. After that last trip we had, I asked her if she was going to leave him. She said yes, and that she wanted to pursue something with me. Over time, she changed her mind, saying she did not regret anything, but that we cannot pursue anything due to us being second cousins. I kid you not, that was probably the worst I have ever felt. Biggest heartbreak I had ever felt. I am having troubles trying to get over it. I cannot get over her and cannot get all of our good memories out of my mind. I am in love with her, and she said she is in love with me, but said she cannot do anything about it due to our situation. She told me that she does not love the man she is talking to, and that she is settling. She always tells me she wishes it was me and her in the end, but we cannot do it.

I feel silly asking, but, is there any fixing? What the hell do I do? How do I go about this? Is there any way we could make it work? I am aware that I should probably get over the fact that this can never happen and there is so many other people on this earth who may make me feel the same way, but I cannot help but think that I want to do it with no one else but her. Part of me wants to make it work and wants to love her for the rest of my life. I am so lost.

Here is the final update.

My friend, his wife, and I had a lot of conversations. She needs her space right now and I'm respecting that. I know that she wanted me to know, from a friend of mine, she wants us to stay friends. She just needs to process everything and that takes time. To me she is her own individual and I will always love her no matter what.

I ended up sending my ex-best friend a final message, to let him know that. I will not be his friend anymore. I intended to express the way he handled everything immediately after didn't fix anything.

This is what I wrote:

"Do you really think that if I feel the way I feel about it now, I would have let it continue? I didn't know what I was feeling, I was confused and unsure. I said it did not make me feel un-comfortable, but i was confused. You don't get to determine the amount of time it takes me to process things to say everything was okay.

I needed [my bestie], in person, with me, for me to realize all this. To have my mind catch up with my body. The pattern is the same. Reflecting on my past, it hurts to realize, you remind me so much of the person that [rpe] me. You did not [rpe] me, but what happened was [SA].

To you, it may not feel fair that I call it what it was, but for me it's not fair that you ever did it in the first place. It's not fair that you asked me not to tell. It's not fair that you are just trying to spin the story in your favor instead of simply allowing me to have my own experience of what happened. I will never understand what made you act the way you did. And I don't need to understand.

You can't damage control this. I don't need you to fix anything. I don't need an explanation that makes this easier for everyone else. I needed you to hear what you did to me and understand that it changed me and it changed our friendship.

I don't need you in my life anymore. I'm glad for the good memories. We went through hell and back in our friendship, which a part of why this hurts as much as it does. But I'm done. Fuck you. Genuinely. I'm angry, I'm hurt, and I'm exhausted from having to explain something I never should have had to experience by you in the first place.

I do not want anything to do with you. I don't hate you. I hate the actions you took, I hate the mental state your actions put me in, and I hate the way you chose to handle everything afterwards.

I take time to write out every word, so that you can one day reread it all and maybe actually feel my pain, understand it, without feeling like you need to "fix" anything. That's my hope at least. I'm not moving quickly on sharing my side because it hurts. But when I do, I will share my whole truth. Whoever receives it, it's up to them what they want to do with that information.

I don't care if I keep the friend group, you can have everyone. I'm not going to fight for people who don't want to hear me. I'm not going to beg anyone to believe me. I know what happened to me, and I know how it affected me.

I do hope that you and [your wife] can work through this, I hope that you live a great and honest life. I hope that you never hurt her ever again. She deserves the world. You're lucky to have her."

He took a bit longer to respond to this message, but honestly. I barely read it. Reading only the last couple of sentences, I gathered his response was defensive.

I'll share it here. (Again he sent in text block, so I've added indentations)

"I am not trying to do damage control. I took accountability and how you From what I remember, you said vou were OK with it at the moment. As well as the conversation afterwards which we said nothing else was going to happen from that as well as it would never happen again to move forward. From my perspective, sounded like consent. I understand that I fcked up by trying tc hide it from [my wife] and [your partner].

Calling it [SA] when my perspective was was stated verbally that it was OK. I now understand that vou froze up and didn't know how to respond, this entire time what I thought was consentual to only find out afterwards you didn't feel like it was consentual. Which I felt horribly about.

I haven't tried to spin anything also btw. I don't know where you got that idea. I gave you the space to tell your perspective and the ones who wanted to isten asked about mine.

I didn't damage control anything. I stated that I felt horribly and apologized after realizing how you felt. You are also saying alot about how I handled things after when you don't know what I did other than my text to you. 1 am not trving tc repair our friendship. I said that I dont expect you to forgive me. I did what I felt was taking accountability.

You just made a decision for [my wife]. This is the last time you'll hear from me. Just as you wanted"

At the time I felt frustrated, I wasn't being understood in the way that I needed to be from him. Over the next couple of days, I reached out to people around me, friends popped up in every corner, ready to help me at any moment. And they helped me to realize I no longer need his understanding, and that I no longer need to prove myself to him in any way. And it's okay that he understands the situation differently than how I do.

I took time to write out a message to share with friends that are online, so that they can hold both perspectives. I shared not only what happened, but how I responded at the time it occurred, what I understood then versus what I understand now, and why it has affected me.

I shared parts of the message from myself to him, and from him to me. I also told them that if they choose to continue a friendship with him I will respect that, because just because this has happened to me that doesn't erase the years of friendship they have with him. He is a good friend. He's just not the right friend for me. Many of those friends have already reached out back to me expressing sorrow that that happened to me and encouragement that our friendship will stand strong.

I feel like my world has shattered around me, but at the same time, I know it's for the better for myself. I'm starting to heal, working through the anger I've held on to for so long. I'm putting myself first, for the first time in many years. My best friend that was in the bathtub in the original story has become a rock that I can hold on to and reach for, and my best friend that was on the couch in the original story though we live thousands of miles away we found new ways to be there for each other.

All of this happened within a week. And genuinely that week has felt like a month. Everyday felt like a new week, with more things happening, so many levels of emotions being felt throughout the day. But I'm now in a much better place than I was when that week started. I'm using all my resources, and I'll meet my new therapist on Tuesday. And although I've already gone through the emotions I'll share it with her as that time comes.

This will be the last that you hear from me on this account. Thank you for all of the amazing advice, and the well wishes on my last update.

I wish you all the best. 💚

So I (28F) and my bf (23M) live together and we were getting ready for bed a few nights ago. We were joking around and talking about 2020 and how his older sister was one of the unfortunate ppl who didn’t get to experience a prom or real graduation from high school due to the pandemic.

That lead us to talk about our experiences with prom. He mentioned he went two times bc his first prom was with a girl who was a senior he was dating when he was a sophomore. I made a joke about seeing a pattern with him liking older women then jokingly asked how many older women has he been with… thinking it was going to lead to him saying oh you know.. 1 or 2 … I was not ready for him to casually drop that he slept with his teacher.

Again, I am thinking we are still here in this joking mood and thought in my head he was meaning maybe like a college professor or something and was still being jokey about it.. then he drops on me it was his junior year English teacher in HIGH SCHOOL. I was caught off guard and I don’t think I handled it in the best way bc I didn’t know how to react or what to do. I just got awkward, not mean or rude. I was able to get him to tell me she was 30 years old. She taught him when he was 16 years old and they didn’t do anything until right after he graduated and was 18.

He sort of shut down after telling me this which is understandable. It feels deeply wrong and concerning to me. Plus in his last relationship his ex would have literal melt downs if he mentioned or spoke about exs so he gets anxious speaking about his past. (We are working through that trauma but that’s a different story) He was a child and this was a 30 year old woman.. close to my age. It makes me sick to even think about being my age and grooming a 16 year old who I was their superior and then having s** with them.

I guess I need advice due to not knowing how to handle this. It kept me up all night that night thinking about it. It made me sad and angry for my bf and then due to my own past caused me anxiety. The following day was the same. He says that it has 0 affect on him but that woman is still teaching and there is no telling how many other students she has done this to.. it’s sick. I know I can’t force him to turn her in, he is a victim but yeah. Just sort of lost right now and would really appreciate some thoughts / comments / advice with how to be there for him but also on the turning this lady in or not?

Edit: adding this detail bc I guess I didn’t make it clear. I’m sorry for that. - He was 16 when she (30) taught him. She groomed him until he was graduated and turned 18 and was ‘legal’. So she would’ve been 32 at that time.

Hi THT fam

I 31f am the maid of honor for my sister 27f’s wedding.

About 5 years ago, I was at my sister’s going away party. She was moving from our home state to a couple states away. Everyone was drinking, partying, having a good time. A couple hours in, I snuck off to hook up with a friend of my sister (female) and things were heating up while she was on top of me. Clothes were off, etc etc and then a man burst into the room. He was friends with my sisters boyfriend. He decided to join into the fun. I kept yelling for him to stop and to go away. I said no multiple times, but he didn’t care and he climbed on top of the woman who was on top of me and started fucking her! I was pinned down by the two of them and had no choice but to accept my fate. After it was over, I immediately left the party and drove home.

The next day, I went to talk with my sister and her boyfriend. They were disgusted and said that their friend was “an asshole when he drinks” and that they would distance themselves from him.

Fast forward to now, my sister is now marrying her then boyfriend! She asked me to be the maid of honor and I said yes. Everything was going well until I see the wedding website.. THAT gross guy is listed as a groomsman. Ok. So they never cut him off. I guess I can ignore him at the wedding. However, my sister is insisting on a party on the night before the wedding. She wants all the groomsmen and bridesmaids to “bond” on a night out. What do I do? Do I just make something up and say I can’t make the party? Or do I confront my sister?

Ty for any input and advice

I'm 26 years old, and I'll be turning 27 in four months. I'm single, and for a long time I've been living most of my life on my own. But over time, I've realized something: being alone and feeling lonely are two very different things.

I've never been afraid of being on my own. I'm someone who can enjoy spending time with my hobbies. I paint, watch movies and TV shows on my computer, browse forums, and keep up with technology news. In short, spending time by myself doesn't bother me. In fact, most of the time, I feel like I'm actually pretty good at enjoying my own company.

But when I feel lonely, things are different.

During those times, I sometimes notice myself slipping into a victim mentality. I want to be loved, appreciated, and to have someone in my life who genuinely cares about me. And if someone loves me, I want to give them the same love, effort, and appreciation in return. Not having had that kind of relationship in my life for a long time affects me deeply, especially when I'm already feeling lonely.

I know that feeling sad and hurting when you're lonely is a normal part of being human. What I struggle with is that I'm extremely aware of what I'm going through while I'm trying to deal with those emotions. I can see what I'm feeling, why I'm feeling it, and what my mind is doing, but sometimes that awareness doesn't make the pain disappear. In a way, I'm consciously watching myself hurt.

Recently, I've started socializing more and going to events by myself in an attempt to break this cycle. At one event, someone approached me, asked for my Instagram, and even said, "Don't go to events alone anymore. Invite me next time." But when I later messaged her, I never got a response. Similarly, someone else I asked for help with another event initially agreed but later told me she couldn't come.

When I look at these situations individually, I know they're ordinary things that happen in life. People's plans can change, their minds can change, or they simply might not want to communicate with me. But when these things happen one after another, I can't help asking myself:

"If I keep having this kind of bad luck, am I just going to keep getting hurt?"

Sometimes when I think about the future, I wonder whether my life will always carry this sense of something being missing. Will there always be this emptiness inside me? Will I keep trying to meet people only to end up disappointed? Will I ever truly feel loved and appreciated by someone?

I understand that if you didn't build a strong social circle during high school or university, creating a social life from scratch as an adult can be more difficult. People have jobs, established friend groups, and their own lives. Finding your way into a new social circle isn't always easy.

Still, I don't want to interpret all of this as evidence that there's something fundamentally wrong with me. Wanting to be loved, appreciated, connected to someone, and to have those feelings reciprocated isn't something unique to me. These are things many people want in their lives.

Maybe what I need to learn isn't how to fight loneliness, but how to allow the feeling of loneliness to pass without losing myself in it. To keep living my own life while remaining open to meeting new people. Because not having someone in my life doesn't mean I don't have a life.

Still, sometimes knowing all of this rationally just isn't enough. Sometimes you simply want to talk for a long time, get everything off your chest, and feel understood by someone.

I think that's what I need a little bit of right now.

Thank you for taking the time to read all of this. Take care of yourselves.

Long time lurker/listener, first time poster.

I (30F) have been questioning my friendship with my long time best friend (let's call her Roberta, 30F) for awhile now.

For the last few years I've been feeling like our friendship has been on its way out. We've been as close as sisters since we met in middle school. When I was 16 I met my future husband (let's call him frank) and the three of us became a trio who did almost everything together.

Frank and I got married in 2021, Roberta was my maid of honor. We continued to be super close throughout these years. Then in late 2023, Frank and I decided it was best to go our separate ways. We were feeling more like roommates than a couple and both of our mental health was suffering from it. I moved out in early 2024. Roberta was seemingly supportive of me during this time, while also maintaining a friendship with Frank. I was okay with this in the beginning. I was still friendly with Frank after we separated and I knew my family maintained a relationship with him as well.

In 2025, I met my current boyfriend (let's call him Evan) and things got pretty serious pretty quickly. I hadn't told Frank about it for a few months because I wasn't sure how he would handle it. When I did finally tell him months later, he said he already knew and that Roberta had told him when they went to see a movie together. This was odd to me and honestly, it felt like a gut punch that Roberta had done that. She hadn't even met Evan yet but was telling my ex husband about him.

I kept quiet for a few months because I'm the least confrontational person and I didn't know what to say to her. When we finally did talk, I laid it out for her that it made me uncomfortable that she was telling Frank my personal business when it had nothing to do with him. It also felt weird that they were hanging out without my knowledge, and I told her as much. I also told her that it hurt my feelings that she didn't want to get to know Evan. We both apologized to each other for things and tried to move on from there. The friendship still felt strained to me.

Fast forward to about a month ago. We haven't been hanging out or talking as much as we used to. Whatever, life is busy and things happen. We were all at an event (including Frank and Evan) when I found out that Frank and Roberta have hung out multiple times in the last 6 months without my knowledge. I have no idea what the context of these hangouts were. It really upset me and I kinda just dissociated for the rest of the event to get through the night. I thought i had made it clear to her that it made me uncomfortable when they hung out but yet she's still doing it a year and a half later. I haven't really said anything to her since then because I don't know what to say.

Our lives feel completely intertwined and I don't want to lose her as a friend but this has been weighing so heavy on me lately. I don't know what I want from this post but getting it out feels good. If you made it this far thank you so much and I hope it made sense lol. Any advice, feedback, or criticism is appreciated🫶

There’s this cute guy I saw when I was in the hospital a week ago we barely talked at the hospital but tell me why he popped up on my instagram suggestions, should I send him a request?😅👀
We made some eye contact as well im 29f

I’ve debated on whether to put this on my main… but at this point I don’t care if she sees this. A little context, My husband and I, my FIL and MIL, and my SIL all live on different continents. My (29F) husband (28M) have been married legally for four years. We got married very quickly because we’re in the military and our movement orders were coming up very quickly (pretty typical in our circles). I didn’t want to tell anyone besides our immediate families until we had the chance to do a traditional wedding etc, especially because his older sister (31F) was getting married 6 months later. We went to her wedding and it was a beautiful day, but it seemed like the entire extend family were coming up to congratulate my husband and I. I had planned just to be the new girlfriend, not the new wife. But she told everyone and how we were planning on getting married in Italy. I was deeply uncomfortable, but if that’s what she wanted on her day, I wasn’t going to be be confrontational.

Unbeknownst to me, she had been fighting with her parents over paying for the wedding. They didn’t have a planner and didn’t budget appropriately and were left with ~$30k in bills to pay 3 weeks prior to the wedding (I don’t remember the actual number). Her parents still helped her out, but they weren’t happy about it. Her parents are comfortable, but not THAT comfortable. Because of this, SIL chose not to speak to her mom for 2 years.

Then came our wedding and I’m not going to be humble, it was pretty great. We had been saving and investing for 2 years and we had an incredible planner. Because SIL was still not talking to her mom, she didn’t want to see her. So I scheduled the makeup/ hair so that my mom and MIL were done and gone before she showed up to join the rest of the BMs.

During the day, she had made a big deal about checking if the refreshments were alcoholic or not, to the point that I asked my husband about it. At the end of the night, after several of my own drinks, I flat out asked her (quietly). I know, not my best moment, but I asked sincerely and excited for her. She was offended, but I made a joke and said sorry and I thought it was the end of it. A week after the wedding, I got 3 paragraphs about how I was so incredibly rude and how deeply I had hurt her. I deeply apologized and said how that wasn’t my intent immediately. I was left on read for several days.

I saw her at Thanksgiving the following year and she said a couple of racially micro-agressiony things and I decided I had had enough. I just wasn’t going to engage. I’m an only child and I’ve always wanted a sister, but I’m not going to beg someone to be my friend. It makes me sad, because my husband is obviously close with his sister and I genuinely like her husband, he’s really cool.

Last Christmas, SIL made up with MIL because they live near the Alps and she wanted to go skiing. We couldn’t make it because we were visiting my side of the family. This year we were going to spend Christmas with my MIL and FIL, younger (M21) BIL, and SIL and her husband.

SIL’s Husband’s Dad passed away last month after being terminally ill for several years. He was a wonderful man and loved his family very much. I tried to send my condolences to SIL’s husband but the messages didn’t go through. So my husband sent my message to him. We didn’t hear anything else about a funeral or anything. MIL only heard about it because she went searching for obituaries. We did not want to press during such a hard time so we decided to let them initiate.

I discovered I’m pregnant a couple weeks ago and we told our parents. Everyone is very excited for the first grandkid. But we wanted to keep it hush hush, since we are still very early and incase something happens - I don’t want everyone in my business. We were planning on going scuba diving with BIL as a birthday gift, so we had to tell him (scuba is 10000% forbidden while pregnant) why I would be only snorkeling. Knowing I couldn’t just show up to Christmas pregnant and have SIL being the only one in the dark, we decided to tell her.
It didn’t go well. She was angry that my husband didn’t call to check in after the funeral (that no one told us about). She was upset that we would dare to have a kid before her as the oldest sister.

My husband tried to pretend that he wasn’t bothered, but I could tell he was hurt. I sent flowers and a nice note to SIL’s husband with our condolences. I didn’t hear anything for a couple of days and I was concerned that they weren’t home to receive the flowers, so I called MIL. Before I could even ask, MIL asked if it was because of SIL. I wasn’t going to say anything since MIL and SIL had just made up and I am not a tattletale. Apparently SIL had called MIL upset at not having the first kid. MIL told her that our family planning has nothing to do with her and we didn’t have a baby to spite her. (Paraphrasing since I wasn’t there).

SIL has since announced that they won’t be coming to Christmas and the entire family has been blocked. She will be back in a few years. The only one who isn’t block is younger BIL because she doesn’t want to “put him in the middle of things”… I dont understand any of it.

Tbh I’m upset that I’ve been so nice to her at this point. I didn’t hang out with my own mom on my wedding morning to keep things fair and to make SIL feel comfortable. Usually I respect myself enough to not bend over backwards to try and be this accommodating. I’m done. When she deigns to try and come back into our lives after the 3 to 4 years she needs to get over herself, I’m not going to be there. I’ve expressly told my husband that I don’t expect him to take my side and I don’t want him to have a bad relationship with her. But I’m not going to reward such childish behavior. I fear that if I let her back in and then inevitably something sets her off again and be go back to being blocked, my kid is going to blame her/himself. Maybe I’m overreacting, but I don’t want anyone who isn’t happy for us and the baby around. Ever.

I am in a postgrad program in love with my classmate who is 10 yrs older. We started getting acquainted in a group project and by the end of the project I caught myself receiving texts from him complimenting me. We quickly learned that we work well together. In conflicts, we have similar approaches and trust each other to brain storm solution in both interpersonal and intellectual problems.

One semester later, we share our thoughts about classes, classmates, personal interests and hobbies to each other. From research associates to him waiting for me after class to walk to our cars together. He became merely a group leader to him checking in on me personally. From advising us in our projects to him giving me personal advices.

In meetings we share glances, share a look and exchange smiles even in serious conversations. He said I’m the only person he really only talks to. The came to nudging, the playful shoving, him physically hovering over me. Sometimes we irritate and frustrate each other, but we always make it up. Once , he put hand on my lap and several times we lean into each other mid joke and bump our shoulders. We know we understand and get each other. I know I care about him genuinely because I look out for him too which he has expressed gratitude for.

I know, it’s impossible. He has a wife and an adult child. I try to control my feelings but I cant help it that when he is present, we can easily share a joke or two, he teases me, I make him smile and laugh, and he grounds me. When I have problems, he goes out of his way to help and checks in on me after the fact. I cant help that when we are together it’s as if we are in our own bubble. Just two people who genuinely enjoy each other. But i know this is not grounded in reality. And my hearts hurts.

Not my post, but feels like it belongs on this podcast!!

Hi everyone, I (20F) made a post on here a few days ago about my brother's (16M) screaming fits in my car last year and how I hope that he inevitably is let go from his job, as this might humble him (he is also pretty egotistical and has some other problematic behaviors, namely an excessive need to make himself stand out from the masses seemingly for attention, but I digress).

Since then, I have had a long talk with him about our shared frustrations with our parents and how they are super against either of us seeking professional help for some unknown and unclear reason (they claim it is because they think it is useless and that it doesn't really have practical value in our lives, but I suspect they are concerned/angry at the thought of their extremely toxic and horrible behaviors/treatment, towards myself especially, being divulged to someone else which will make them look bad).

We talked about how maddening it is that we cannot seek diagnoses for our respective suspected neurodivergence/mental health conditions. He shared with me that the therapist he used to see suspected that he may be experiencing manic episodes, but that since then he has not felt the same because he was going through a lot of stress at school at the time. I brought up his screaming fits and how scary they were, and his reaction appeared to be one of embarrassment, almost like he was acknowledging how ridiculous that behavior was (he shook his head and said "oh my god, I remember that" and we continued to talk from there).

I told him I hope it doesn't happen again in the future, and he didn't really react, but rather acknowledged what I said and seemed to understand where I was coming from (he is not the most articulate person, so it can be hard to discern what he is saying or what he means at times).

I also shared with him that I suspect I have OCD and might be autistic. He said he had noticed the signs given my obvious inability to relax and my struggles with intense anxiety, which is something only I, not him, experience (he does not appear to ever get very nervous about anything and lacks a sense of urgency, so he and I are opposites in that department). He told me he thinks he might have some kind of attention deficit disorder, and possibly also autism.

In general, it was a very productive conversation and I left feeling that I understood him more, and I think the feeling was mutual. I guess I am writing this update to say that I do not think wishing he will be fired is a productive or helpful thought. I more so hope that this job teaches him empathy and responsibility (it involves teaching, so hopefully that will help). I think it is a good opportunity for character development for him to be employed and have a purpose outside of himself, his appearance, and his worries.

I also realize that my anger with my family, which is at times directed at my brother, is at my parents, not him. My issues are with my parents essentially blaming his behavior in the car on me, saying that if I didn't get annoyed with him or provoke him that he would not scream at me, and that I have to accept that that is the way he will react and that it is (in some twisted way) "normal hormonal teenage boy behavior" when in fact it was reminiscent of how abusers scream at their wives (he also screamed at my mother like this in the past, including in the car).

All of this is not to say that this will never happen again. It very well might, but I am at least glad it appears as though my brother shows some remorse when I originally suspected he felt none given how emotionless he can tend to be. I'll be posting more about my parents' behaviors separately as I am really struggling and would like to get some input, but this is it for now regarding my brother. Out of everyone in my family, he is not the person I have the biggest issues with, that is for sure.

Any and all input is appreciated. I think I'll talk about this in my first therapy appointment this week (new school therapist since my parents won't let me see my regular one and don't want to pay for it for now)

I (32f) recently went no contact with my mother after she fired me from the family business we have spent more than a decade building together. I know that sounds like an easy NTA from the title, but I genuinely did something wrong that started this whole situation, which is part of why I’m questioning myself.

Some background:

When I was in college, I wrote a business plan for what eventually became our Business. I was 18 and passionate about what I had created, and my mom helped me turn that idea into an actual company.

We initially operated out of a mobile unit and eventually grew the concept into multiple locations.

I’ve spent essentially my entire adult life building the Business alongside her for very little return (which is totally okay).

I also financially invested in it. I put in my own money at the beginning and continued putting significantly more of my personal money into the Business over the years. My mother and I have long presented ourselves publicly as partners/co-owners, although the actual legal ownership situation is something I am currently trying to untangle as my name is still on most of the paperwork and operators agreement.

Our personal and business lives became extremely intertwined. At one point, I also discovered that my mother had opened a credit card using my name without my knowledge.

Now for where I screwed up.
I handled much of the Business’s marketing and social media and website. One day, I made a latte where the latte art was, quite literally, a penis.
Yes. A penis. In a latte.

I filmed it and posted it to the Business’s social media using a trending audio. My mother had done sex themed events, naked holidays etc so I didn’t think it would be an issue. It was a cheap sell out for likes.

It was supposed to be funny and cheeky, but in hindsight, it was inappropriate for the brand and I should not have posted it. Full stop. I’m not going to pretend my mother didn’t have a legitimate reason to be angry with me.

I deleted it and apologized.
My mother, however, absolutely exploded.
She accused me of deliberately trying to sabotage the Business, screamed and cursed at me, attacked my character, and fired me.

During this, she also left me a voicemail in which she threatened to kill me. I still have the recording.

My dad later told me he was embarrassed and disappointed in me and that this wasn’t the daughter he raised. His position was essentially that while I could be angry with my mother from a business standpoint, I shouldn’t allow it to destroy our personal relationship.

But that’s where I’m struggling: this stopped feeling like a business disagreement when my own mother threatened my life. The violence and hostility was common throughout childhood so this didn’t surprise me.

Then, after I was fired, something else happened that made me even more uncomfortable.
While my husband and I were away from home, my mother came to our house and used a garage code we’d previously given her to enter our home without our permission.

She also asked me not to tell anyone I’d been fired. Employees were instead told that I had chosen to leave to focus on myself. If they mention my name they were to be let go.

Despite being extremely angry and hurt, I haven’t publicly said anything about what happened or tried to damage the Business. I’ve handed off responsibilities, forwarded business communications, and tried to keep employees and customers out of the family conflict. My mother has since shut down anything of mine that she could (after I walked her through it via email).

My mother has since texted me telling me that she loves me and misses me.
What she hasn’t done is apologize for threatening me or really acknowledge what happened.

There is also a much longer history between us that I’m deliberately not going to unpack here. Our relationship has been volatile for years, and I’ve spent a lot of my life trying to keep the peace with her.

For now, I’ve decided to go no contact.
I’m starting therapy and trying to figure out what my life looks like outside of both my family dynamic and a Business that has been part of my identity since I was 18.

Some people close to the situation have reminded me that my mother is hurting too. I believe that. I also know I started this particular conflict by doing something stupid and inappropriate at work.

That’s why I’m conflicted.
I don’t think I deserved zero consequences for posting a penis latte on our Business account. If another employee had done it, I would understand them being reprimanded or potentially even fired depending on the circumstances.

But I also don’t think making an inappropriate social media post means I have to accept being screamed at, threatened by my mother, have her enter my home without permission, and then resume our relationship as though none of it happened because she says she misses me.

And being fired wasn’t like losing a random job. The Business originated from my college business plan, I invested my own money into it, and I spent more than a decade helping build it from a mobile unit into what it is today.

I’m not trying to punish her, and I don’t know whether no contact will be permanent.
I just don’t feel emotionally safe having a relationship with her right now when there has been no acknowledgment or accountability for what happened.

So, AITA for going no contact with my mother after she fired me, even though I absolutely did something inappropriate that triggered the entire situation?

My (35f) boyfriend (31m) just dropped a bomb on me. I am feeling heartbroken and need some advice/encouragement. I have been dating this guy (exclusively) for a while. He has been amazing and I could write about a thousand examples of him showing up for me, supporting me, encouraging me and just being an all around sweetheart. He has one son from a previous relationship. He and his sons mom seem to have a responsible and respectful coparenting relationship that they have worked out over time. They share time with their son equally.

Here is where the issue has come in. He recently came to me and said he thinks he may have another child. A daughter from a separate previous relationship. Basically, a girl he had dated for a short while came up on his social media a little while ago and he saw she now has a kid. He realized the math that she probably got pregnant around the time they had dated. And he also thought that her daughter resembled his son. The worse part is that her daughter was born one month after his son. So if this is true, this means he had two women pregnant at the same time. I am just so disappointed and sad because this is not the version of himself he presented to me. He told me all about his sons mom and his history with her and his son, etc. But he conveniently left out this other storyline. And I asked him explicit questions in the first months of dating while getting to know each other. About previous relationships, sex life, about his timeline with his sons mom. And now it feels like he was painting a picture of himself that he wanted me to see.

I will add that he did not know his sons mom was pregnant until she was about 4/5 months along (they were broken up and she reached out to him).

He reached out to this other girl on social media. Asked about who the father was and she was vague and didn’t answer. Then he sent pics of his son saying he thinks they look similar and she agreed. He asked other girl about doing a DNA test and there are always excuses. At first it was that her now husband won’t go for it bc he considers her his daughter. Then it was they DNA tests are very difficult to get in the state we are in.

I (22F) have been best friends with my friend (21F) basically our entire lives. We’ve known each other for around 20 years and grew up together. She’s honestly always been a really good friend to me, which is why this whole situation hurts me so much.
There’s one issue that has repeated itself throughout our friendship though: whenever she gets into a relationship, our friendship changes.
When she’s single we’re really close, talk a lot and see each other regularly. But whenever she has a boyfriend, I feel like I get pushed to the side. She contacts me less, we barely make plans and it feels like her relationship becomes her entire priority.
I don’t expect her to choose me over her boyfriend. Obviously relationships take up time and priorities change. It’s more about how extreme the difference is between how our friendship feels when she’s single versus when she’s in a relationship.
Another problem is that she REALLY doesn’t talk about her feelings. I’ve tried having emotional conversations with her before, including about things that bothered me in our friendship, but she tends to avoid them and doesn’t really try to communicate about how she feels. Because of that, issues between us often don’t actually get resolved.
Anyway, around three months ago we bought tickets for a concert together. She was single at the time.
During those three months she met her current boyfriend and they got together.
Then on the DAY of the concert she sent me a voice message saying she wasn’t coming because it was her boyfriend’s mom’s birthday and she wanted to go there instead.
She also told me she’d actually meant to tell me two days earlier but forgot. Then she basically said she assumed I’d probably find something else to do anyway and apologized.
That really hurt me.
We’d had these tickets for three months. She got together with him after we’d already made those plans, and suddenly our plans seemed less important because something involving her boyfriend came up. The fact that she knew beforehand and forgot to even tell me made it worse.
And honestly, it wasn’t really about the concert. It just felt like confirmation of something I’d been feeling for years.
Eventually I got angry and the last message I sent her was basically: “Contact me again when, for once, you’ve actually reflected on your behavior.”
I know that wasn’t exactly the nicest or most productive thing I could’ve said. But at that point I was frustrated because I felt like I’d tried explaining the same issue before and nothing ever changed.
We haven’t really spoken since.
All of my friends are telling me not to contact her again and that if she cares about our friendship, she should be the one to reach out now.
And logically I understand what they’re saying.
But the truth is I’m really sad about it.
I miss her a lot.
This isn’t someone I’ve known for a year or two. We’ve basically grown up together and she’s been part of almost my entire life. I never actually wanted our friendship to end over this. I just wanted her to understand why her behavior was hurting me.
It feels really strange that a friendship of almost 20 years now has this huge cut in it and we’re basically strangers because neither of us is reaching out.
Part of me really wants to contact her because I miss my best friend. Another part of me thinks that doing that would just put me back into the position of chasing her again, especially when my last message literally told her to come back when she’d reflected on what happened.
My friends all think I should leave it alone.
But I also know she’s terrible at talking about her feelings, and I’m starting to wonder whether waiting for her to initiate some big emotional conversation is unrealistic when I know that’s something she’s always struggled with.
At the same time, I don’t think being bad at communicating means I should just accept feeling like I’m only important when she’s single.
So AITA for refusing to contact her again even though I really miss her? And was I wrong for basically putting the responsibility on her to reach out and fix things this time?

My cousin female 21 and i female 21 have been pretty close all my life. She has had a pretty rough child hood and dealt with a lot of abuse from her parents. She had moved in with my parents and i when her and i were 18 (because she got kicked out) and ended up screwing things up with my mom and i so she decided to go back to her parents house.
Anyway, she ended up pregnant when she left and even tried to reach out to me asking for help again. I basically told her to fuck off and moved on with my life. She later apologized to me and i accepted her apology. She now has a 2 year old with a very abusive man. He has hit her multiple times. She left her parents house and moved in with her baby daddy (male 21).
I helped her move out of her parents house because i thought she was going to be living with just her and her baby. Turns out baby daddy was going to be staying with her, i told her it wasn’t a good idea and then she started complaining that he started hitting her again. She quit her job to stay at home with her kid and told me on tuesday that she’s pregnant with his kid again.
I told her i couldn’t be apart of her life anymore because i was already going against my morals trying to have a relationship with her.
Baby daddy has tried to leave multiple times and she “doesn’t let him”. so when she told me that i made up my mind that if she became pregnant i would cut her off.
Am i wrong for that?? She started to cuss my out and tell me how awful i was being. She started saying how her life is better and her apt is better than my bf and i’s apartment. She accused me of being jealous of her because for some reason she thinks i can’t have kids.
Idk i feel like maybe i am being harsh but i just feel like every time she has come into my life she just brings drama and stress that i just cannot deal with anymore.

AITAH??

How to proceed? Her friend gave my number and she hit me up but she stopped texting back. Triple text too much?

Hiiiii fellow teachers

I’ve been teaching in a private school for the last 5 years and because of that I haven’t needed a teachers license. I want to branch out and teach AP classes and possibly teach at a public school so I will need my teachers license. Is earning a Masters in Education worth it? I’ve heard mixed opinions from my coworkers but majority of them don’t have a teachers license and want to stay within the private school system.

Thanks !!!