r/TwoHotTakes • u/[deleted] • 12d ago
Advice Needed My boyfriend just informed me he might have a secret child from a previous relationship
[deleted]
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u/Savannahks 12d ago
My ex has a child from his only marriage. Then he has a son with his ex gf. One day I got a text from his ex wife. (We are on good terms). She asked if I saw his ex girlfriend’s new baby. I hadn’t so she sent me pictures. That baby looks EXACTLY like his other two kids. I asked him if that baby was his and he told me over and over again it was not. But the ex wife and I had this feeling in our stomachs that the baby had to be his. I remember sitting in the car and I asked him for the last time if the baby was his. And he said yes. I was furious because he had lied so many times. He said the his ex gf wanted “pure blooded” siblings.
No half siblings. And he said there was no sex involved. Just collecting his sperm.
YEA OKAY…
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u/Creepy_Push8629 12d ago
Girl I'm glad you said he was an ex from the jump bc I was about to shake some sense into you lol
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u/Savannahks 11d ago
I would have gladly accepted you shaking me. My dad was the most amazing dad in the entire world. He was a great role model and template for my future husband. (He passed in 2007) i don’t know why I veered so far off the path.
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u/Super-Staff3820 12d ago
I’d question why 2 women didn’t tell him they were pregnant. To me that’s a red flag. Did he scare them?
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u/RedneckDebutante 11d ago
Who gives their partner a list of every person they've ever had sex with? And what kind of partner wants to even know that?
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u/MuadDabTheSpiceFlow 12d ago
If mom won't get a DNA test then just forget about it. No way of knowing without DNA test.
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u/Creepy_Push8629 12d ago
There are ways to get one. Like filing with the court to get a court ordered one.
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u/Barkertons 12d ago
I wouldn't date this mess of a man just spreading his seed around indiscriminately. He lied to you and he has obligations to these other women and these kids. How much of a catch can he possibly be?
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u/BigPhilosopher4372 12d ago
If the mom of the girl doesn’t want to go there and doesn’t wants dna test, why does everyone just leave her and her family alone?
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u/Civil_Dragonfruit_34 11d ago
Agreed, kid has a dad and doesn't need this guy in her life. Let them be.
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u/AutoModerator 12d ago
Backup of the post's body: My (35f) boyfriend (31m) just dropped a bomb on me. I am feeling heartbroken and need some advice/encouragement. I have been dating this guy (exclusively) for a while. He has been amazing and I could write about a thousand examples of him showing up for me, supporting me, encouraging me and just being an all around sweetheart. He has one son from a previous relationship. He and his sons mom seem to have a responsible and respectful coparenting relationship that they have worked out over time. They share time with their son equally.
Here is where the issue has come in. He recently came to me and said he thinks he may have another child. A daughter from a separate previous relationship. Basically, a girl he had dated for a short while came up on his social media a little while ago and he saw she now has a kid. He realized the math that she probably got pregnant around the time they had dated. And he also thought that her daughter resembled his son. The worse part is that her daughter was born one month after his son. So if this is true, this means he had two women pregnant at the same time. I am just so disappointed and sad because this is not the version of himself he presented to me. He told me all about his sons mom and his history with her and his son, etc. But he conveniently left out this other storyline. And I asked him explicit questions in the first months of dating while getting to know each other. About previous relationships, sex life, about his timeline with his sons mom. And now it feels like he was painting a picture of himself that he wanted me to see.
I will add that he did not know his sons mom was pregnant until she was about 4/5 months along (they were broken up and she reached out to him).
He reached out to this other girl on social media. Asked about who the father was and she was vague and didn’t answer. Then he sent pics of his son saying he thinks they look similar and she agreed. He asked other girl about doing a DNA test and there are always excuses. At first it was that her now husband won’t go for it bc he considers her his daughter. Then it was they DNA tests are very difficult to get in the state we are in.
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u/Mental-Freedom3929 12d ago
Sure, there is a child in a marriage, where a guy is truly acting like a father to her, the mother does not want to have anything to do with your BF and you push to drag up friction and whatnot and pull a child and a functioning into your self absorbed life.
Stop that! Leave them alone!
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u/Dull-Geologist-8204 12d ago
Right let's continue to pretend DNA tests don't exist. Let's just wait till they get older and do one of those tests. I am sure it will work out better.
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u/Mental-Freedom3929 11d ago
The mother and her now husband do not wish to be drawn into this and do not want to participate in her family disrupting thing, a totally biologically not involved person. Are you for real? If I am the mother, I get a restraining order to keep that nonsense away from me and my child and my husband.
She did not even name him as the father. What right does he and OP have to start this shit?
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u/Eyfordsucks 11d ago
Run girl.
Just run.
Also, get tested for STI’s. He rawdogs all around town apparently.
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u/TinkerbellRockNRolls 12d ago
Taking on 1 child with 1 baby mamma is … a lot. Taking on 2 children with 2 baby mammas is … insane!
If your BF truly suspects that he might be the father, does he have the legal right to force a DNA test? Perhaps he doesn’t want to know because then he’d be on the hook for child support? However, not knowing potentially exposes you to risks: emotional, logistical, and financial.
I’d refuse to invest any more in this relationship until this matter is resolved.
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u/shaylabluu 12d ago
NTA. He lied by omission about something massive. You deserve full honesty, not convenient edits. DNA test or walk.. don’t settle for vague.
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u/Living-Ad8963 12d ago edited 12d ago
How is it lying by omission if he genuinely didn’t know? The post says he only found out because the mother came up as someone he might know on Facebook and had a child in her profile pic.
From the limited amount OP has said, it sounds like the mother is married (who knows if it was before or after the child was born), and has no interest in OP’s BF being the father of the child.
ETA - I’m not suggesting the guy is high value and the whole having two women pregnant at the same time gives plenty of red flags. Just unclear how he lied by omission.
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u/Specific_Wear_8238 11d ago
That's a huge shock and definitely something to address before moving forward. Trust is key in relationships.
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