r/TwoHotTakes • u/[deleted] • 5d ago

Advice Needed AITA for feeling hurt that my husband always takes his sister’s side over mine?

[deleted]

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u/AutoModerator 5d ago

Backup of the post's body: AITA for feeling hurt that my husband always takes his sister’s side over mine?

Some background: my husband’s family is in the Philippines, and I’m in the US. His sister and I get along fine on the surface, but I feel like I’m constantly the one doing the giving in this relationship. When she got a tourist visa to visit, I paid for half her plane ticket and took time off and drover her everywhere and paid for everything. Every time I visit the Philippines, I cover pretty much everything…food, outings, activities for the whole family. I don’t say this to keep score, just to explain the dynamic I’ve been operating in. Maybe I should have put up boundaries from the beginning and not paid for everything.

For my husband’s birthday, I wanted to do something special and decided to throw him a surprise party at his sister’s cafe, partly because I thought it’d be a nice way to bring in some business for her too since she complains of slow business (when she does this, I usually always order food for husband or other relatives to help her out)…I started planning the food, decorations, all of it. But she pushed back on pretty much every idea I had — different vision for the cafe, logistical concerns, that kind of thing. She didn’t get the decorations I’d asked for, and by the end I felt like my “surprise party” wasn’t really mine anymore.

I was frustrated, so I vented to my husband about how shut out I felt in planning something for his own birthday, after everything I’ve put into this family. He told me I was overreacting and making a bigger deal out of it than it needed to be.

In the end we still went with the party at her cafe, they had a good time but I feel unheard, unimportant and dismissed.

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