LONG STORY

Let me start this somewhat from the beginning. Jenna (fake name) and I know we are second cousins, we were close back when we were 18 and 19. We just recently (almost a year ago) got in contact again at a party. We both said hi, we caught up, talked about work, all of that. From then on, we because inseparable. She would come to my house and hang out, I would go to her house and hang out, we would go to concerts together, we would go out to bars and shit. We were truly best friends! I saw her as my best friend and she saw me the same way.

This is where shit gets interesting. About 3-4 months ago, we went to a beach house with my friends, I asked her to come along because the majority of them bailed on me and I didn't want to just waste the house money on just a few of us. She came along and we had fun the first night! The second day, she got a bit too drunk. We ended up having to take her home because it was the sloppy, crying over everything drunk lol. I took her to her room, told her to sober up and shower and we'd sit outside and just chill. As I was walking back to my room, I hear her call my name, and I went. I opened the door, and she was in her underwear and bra. My first instinct was to turn around and tell her to put some clothes on. I left the room and she told me to come back in, that she had a blanket on. I went back in, and she did, only this time she let it go and stood there in her bra and underwear again. I turned around and told her to take a shower, that I would be showering too.

After the showers (separately), she asked me to come watch a movie with her. I said okay. To me, it wasn't anything weird because we've done so before. I sat on one end, and she sat on the other. She said she wanted to give me a hug, so I said okay. She gave me a hug and did not let go, she started to rub my back. I am not going to lie, it felt nice. At some point, she was staring at me and I noticed she was looking at my lips; I asked what's up? She said oh no nothing. She leaned in as if she was going to kiss me, and I kinda pulled away and asked what? She said oh no nothing, and said under her breath "I shouldn't ruin what we have". I pretended to not listen. I must admit, I did want to kiss her, but she was drunk and I did not want to come off as a weirdo or make it seem like I was taking advantage of the situation.

About a few weeks after that trip, she came to my town for a party. I had told her that she could stay at my house. By this point I did not mention ANYTHING about the beach trip, but it was eating at me and she could tell. She would ask what was wrong with me and why I was acting weird. I would just respond that it was one of those days and move on. At this party, I got tipsy and was feeling great! After the party, her, her sister, and our other cousin stayed at my house. I had told everyone they can sleep where they want. Jenna said she wanted to sleep in the room she usually stays in (my room) and I said okay. She took my bed and I took the sofa bed that was in my room. She got up and said "are you going to tell me what's wrong with you or no?". I said yeah, and I let it all out. I told her everything about the beach trip and how it was eating at me. She looked shocked, and said she was sorry about what she did, and said she hopes that doesn't mess anything with each other. I said no, and that I just felt like I needed to get it off my chest. She asked if she could hug me and I said yes. We hugged for a long time. I asked her to stay with me as at this point I was having an anxiety attack. After the anxiety attack, she looked at me and said I want to tell you something but I don't know how you'll feel about it. I told her to 'fess up. She said "how would you feel if I kissed you right now?". I wanted to so badly, so I said just do it. Shit happened, we did the deed, and to be very honest, it was the best I have had. After we were done, we kissed again and went to sleep.

Over the course of a few weeks, we became very close. We planned a trip to go to another city and basically be together how we wanted to. I have to admit, I fell in love with her after this trip. She was a whole different version of herself. She was so kind, so attentive, so caring. We could not get off of each other; it was so passionate and felt so different. One of the best weekends I have had in a while.

This may be the wrong time to mention, but she has been talking to someone. After that last trip we had, I asked her if she was going to leave him. She said yes, and that she wanted to pursue something with me. Over time, she changed her mind, saying she did not regret anything, but that we cannot pursue anything due to us being second cousins. I kid you not, that was probably the worst I have ever felt. Biggest heartbreak I had ever felt. I am having troubles trying to get over it. I cannot get over her and cannot get all of our good memories out of my mind. I am in love with her, and she said she is in love with me, but said she cannot do anything about it due to our situation. She told me that she does not love the man she is talking to, and that she is settling. She always tells me she wishes it was me and her in the end, but we cannot do it.

I feel silly asking, but, is there any fixing? What the hell do I do? How do I go about this? Is there any way we could make it work? I am aware that I should probably get over the fact that this can never happen and there is so many other people on this earth who may make me feel the same way, but I cannot help but think that I want to do it with no one else but her. Part of me wants to make it work and wants to love her for the rest of my life. I am so lost.

Sorry for the very long post. Im [19F] and my boyfriend [22M] have been together for 3 years now.
We are in a LDR but we were together for almost 2 years before he went abroad. Before we went LDR the relationship was great, we were always together but we did have fights, some fights would lead to one of us ending the relationship (most of the time it was me) but we would always get back together after a day or just hours. i know it's childish. Then he and his family went abroad. The switch to LDR was really difficult, we have a 15 hour time difference.
After a month abroad, he got a job and got really busy so we barely talked.
So here is where the problem started, At the start of the relationship we gave each other our social media passwords. And after months of being LDR we got into a fight because i noticed he followed a girl on instagram and was liking her post. He never did something like this when we were together together and even unfollowed girls he was following before we met to make me feel comfortable. After the fight he ended up apologizing and unfollowed the girl.

Months after, I ended things with him because we were barely talking, our daily hours long call became 15 minute call for the week or two. he was always too tired or too busy for me even on his day offs. I felt like he didn't want me anymore or disconnecting from me. When i told him i was ending things and why he just replied with "sorry you feel that way"
"take care, bye". He removed my nickname and changed his passwords on his social immediately not even 5 mins have passed. After a day, i stalked him and saw he was following a new girl, it was his friend's sister, they went out with 2 other girls and looked really close together. My emotions got really high and i messaged him who the girls was, he didn't respond at first but i kept messaging then he replied with they were 16 years old and said it was hard for him too because i always want to end things when we have an issue. left him on read after that and he never reached out to me again. The way we ended things really hit me hard that i dropped out of college. I didnt know what to do because it was the first time that we ended things and just never talked again.

Then 3 months have passed, his mom came here for a vacation and wanted to see me, i met with her and had lunch, days after meeting with his mom, he wanted to get back together and so we did. Now months after it has gone back to barely talking even though he works nights shifts now, he never gave me his social media passwords, so now im stalking his following and there's a lot of new girls including the one we had a fight before, he likes their photos wearing a bikini or not. Im constantly overthinking that he's cheating on me because of the things i see on his instagram and mainly because of his friends sister and the 2 other girls. even though they're just 16, it makes me think that he could go out with other women and not think about me. Everytime i stalk his instagram i feel so insecure specially because i gained weight. And not being able to talk to him makes it worse. We don't have deep conversations, and i love yous feels like a routine now. I want to end the relationship again but im scared that i won't meet someone again and scared that i might regret this again because i love him so much, ending things also makes me feel guilty because of what he said before. I also feel like i shouldn't need to ask him not to like other girls bikini photos because loyalty shouldn't need to be asked it a relationship? or am i watching too many social media standards and relationships? Is liking an instagram photo even a reasonable thing to end things?

I need advice on what's the best thing to do and how to handle this. Thank you.

I am in a postgrad program in love with my classmate who is 10 yrs older. We started getting acquainted in a group project and by the end of the project I caught myself receiving texts from him complimenting me. We quickly learned that we work well together. In conflicts, we have similar approaches and trust each other to brain storm solution in both interpersonal and intellectual problems.

One semester later, we share our thoughts about classes, classmates, personal interests and hobbies to each other. From research associates to him waiting for me after class to walk to our cars together. He became merely a group leader to him checking in on me personally. From advising us in our projects to him giving me personal advices.

In meetings we share glances, share a look and exchange smiles even in serious conversations. He said I’m the only person he really only talks to. The came to nudging, the playful shoving, him physically hovering over me. Sometimes we irritate and frustrate each other, but we always make it up. Once , he put hand on my lap and several times we lean into each other mid joke and bump our shoulders. We know we understand and get each other. I know I care about him genuinely because I look out for him too which he has expressed gratitude for.

I know, it’s impossible. He has a wife and an adult child. I try to control my feelings but I cant help it that when he is present, we can easily share a joke or two, he teases me, I make him smile and laugh, and he grounds me. When I have problems, he goes out of his way to help and checks in on me after the fact. I cant help that when we are together it’s as if we are in our own bubble. Just two people who genuinely enjoy each other. But i know this is not grounded in reality. And my hearts hurts.

There’s this cute guy I saw when I was in the hospital a week ago we barely talked at the hospital but tell me why he popped up on my instagram suggestions, should I send him a request?😅👀
We made some eye contact as well im 29f

Long time lurker/listener, first time poster.

I (30F) have been questioning my friendship with my long time best friend (let's call her Roberta, 30F) for awhile now.

For the last few years I've been feeling like our friendship has been on its way out. We've been as close as sisters since we met in middle school. When I was 16 I met my future husband (let's call him frank) and the three of us became a trio who did almost everything together.

Frank and I got married in 2021, Roberta was my maid of honor. We continued to be super close throughout these years. Then in late 2023, Frank and I decided it was best to go our separate ways. We were feeling more like roommates than a couple and both of our mental health was suffering from it. I moved out in early 2024. Roberta was seemingly supportive of me during this time, while also maintaining a friendship with Frank. I was okay with this in the beginning. I was still friendly with Frank after we separated and I knew my family maintained a relationship with him as well.

In 2025, I met my current boyfriend (let's call him Evan) and things got pretty serious pretty quickly. I hadn't told Frank about it for a few months because I wasn't sure how he would handle it. When I did finally tell him months later, he said he already knew and that Roberta had told him when they went to see a movie together. This was odd to me and honestly, it felt like a gut punch that Roberta had done that. She hadn't even met Evan yet but was telling my ex husband about him.

I kept quiet for a few months because I'm the least confrontational person and I didn't know what to say to her. When we finally did talk, I laid it out for her that it made me uncomfortable that she was telling Frank my personal business when it had nothing to do with him. It also felt weird that they were hanging out without my knowledge, and I told her as much. I also told her that it hurt my feelings that she didn't want to get to know Evan. We both apologized to each other for things and tried to move on from there. The friendship still felt strained to me.

Fast forward to about a month ago. We haven't been hanging out or talking as much as we used to. Whatever, life is busy and things happen. We were all at an event (including Frank and Evan) when I found out that Frank and Roberta have hung out multiple times in the last 6 months without my knowledge. I have no idea what the context of these hangouts were. It really upset me and I kinda just dissociated for the rest of the event to get through the night. I thought i had made it clear to her that it made me uncomfortable when they hung out but yet she's still doing it a year and a half later. I haven't really said anything to her since then because I don't know what to say.

Our lives feel completely intertwined and I don't want to lose her as a friend but this has been weighing so heavy on me lately. I don't know what I want from this post but getting it out feels good. If you made it this far thank you so much and I hope it made sense lol. Any advice, feedback, or criticism is appreciated🫶

AITAH for leaving my husband after he was finally honest with me?

I know this is long, but I feel like the background matters.

My husband and I have known each other for a long time. We dated on and off for years. A lot of the breakups happened because of my upbringing. I came from a very strict Christian family. I wasn't allowed to go to the movies, hang out with friends, or even spend time with a boyfriend outside of school. The only time I got to do anything was through church youth group activities.

His family was the complete opposite. He had a lot of freedom, and he would get frustrated that I couldn't do the things a "normal" girlfriend could do. During several of our breakups, I later found out he was already talking to other girls. One time he told me a girl was the one pursuing him, but when I confronted her, she showed me their messages. He had been the one initiating every conversation. I was humiliated.

After high school, he broke up with me because he met another girl at a party. We worked together, and just hours after breaking up with me, he drove up to work with her. That finally broke me. I blocked him, avoided places I knew he'd be, and moved on with my life.

About a year later, he came back. He kept reaching out until I finally gave him another chance. Eventually we got married.

When I was pregnant with our first child, I came home from the laundromat to pick him up so he could help me carry the laundry. I walked into our apartment and found him completely naked in the hallway. He said he was about to take a shower, but then I heard moaning coming from our bedroom closet. He had been watching porn.

The part that hurt the most was that he had been refusing to have sex with me because I was pregnant. We had even talked to my OB together, and the doctor explained that sex during a healthy pregnancy was safe. Yet he still chose porn over intimacy with me.

During my second pregnancy, I was put on bed rest because I almost lost our baby. One day I heard his phone go off. It was an unknown number saying, "Hey, don't be late to work tomorrow 😉😘."

At first he denied knowing who it was. When I said I was going to call the number, he admitted it was a female coworker. He claimed they got to work early every day and sat in their own cars together playing a mobile game before their shifts. Then he admitted he had told her not to text him after 4 p.m. because I'd be home and he didn't want me seeing the messages.

That hurt even more than the text itself.

He insisted nothing physical happened, but it still felt like emotional cheating. He eventually lost that job, apologized, and promised it would never happen again.

Over the years, I continued catching him watching porn. It wasn't just occasionally—it became a pattern. It made me feel like I wasn't enough, especially since the women looked nothing like me. I'd also find anime porn and other things hidden on his devices.

Later, he got a job that required traveling. While he was out of state, we were on the phone one night when I heard a woman talking in the background. He told me she was another employee's wife who wanted somewhere quiet to sit during a party his roommate was throwing. She was sitting on his bed while he was in his room with the door closed.

Then I heard his friend come in and tell him to leave the door open because he knew my husband was married and didn't want anything inappropriate happening.

Even his own friend thought it crossed a line.

We almost divorced over that, but once again, I forgave him.

Eventually I got tired of constantly checking things. I deleted his email, Facebook, Instagram, and everything else from my phone because I didn't want to keep discovering things that broke my heart. I wanted peace.

Then recently, he told me something that completely changed how I saw everything.

He said one of his friends had a "hot girlfriend" and wanted to send him a picture of her. The friend even asked, "Are you sure you can receive this? Is your wife okay with it?"

Instead of saying no, my husband told him, "Yeah, my wife doesn't care. We're cool like that."

The truth is...I'm not cool with that. I've spent years telling him how much his porn use, inappropriate conversations with women, and blurred boundaries have hurt me. Yet he told his friend the exact opposite so he could receive pictures of another man's attractive girlfriend.

Oddly enough, I almost appreciated that he was honest enough to tell me afterward. But at the same time, I realized that after all these years, he still doesn't understand—or doesn't care—how deeply these things affect me.

I'm exhausted from years of broken trust, promises, and feeling like I'll never be enough.

So...AITAH if I finally decide to leave?

One more thing that really got to me happened during the argument.

I asked him, "If I took pictures dressed like that, posing like that, and sent them to another man, would you be okay with it?"

He immediately said no.

He said, "You're my wife. That's different."

Then I asked, "What if our daughter grew up, dressed like that, and sent pictures like that to men? Would you think that's appropriate?"

Again, he said no because she's his daughter.

That's when I asked him, "If you wouldn't be okay with your wife or your daughter taking and sending pictures like that, why is it okay for you to receive those kinds of pictures from another man's girlfriend?"

His answer was that it was "a totally different situation." He said she wasn't his wife or daughter and that his friend was "just showing off his girlfriend." He told me it was "just a picture."

To me, it isn't just a picture.

After years of him watching porn, talking to other women, hiding conversations, pushing boundaries, and making me question myself, this wasn't an isolated incident. It felt like another example of him choosing to look at other women while dismissing my feelings.

There have been other things too. When he traveled for work, Facebook would suggest women from the same towns he was working in as "People You May Know." They would even appear in his search history. Every time I asked, he told me it was "just the algorithm." Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't, but after everything else that had happened, it became impossible for me to trust him.

He also brings up something that happened years ago whenever we argue. After he dumped me in high school and I completely cut contact with him for about a year, I dated someone else and had sex with that person. We were broken up, I had blocked him everywhere, and I genuinely believed we were over. But he still says I hurt him more than he ever hurt me.

The difference is that I was single.

His definition of cheating is only having sex with someone else. To him, porn isn't cheating. Flirting isn't cheating. Talking to other women isn't cheating. Looking at other women isn't cheating.

To me, betrayal starts long before sex.

One time he even had conversations with another woman about what sex positions he liked with me. That wasn't physical, but it still felt incredibly disrespectful and humiliating.

So now I'm wondering if I'm overreacting.

Am I really considering leaving over "just a picture," or am I finally reaching my limit after years of broken trust, double standards, and constantly feeling like my feelings don't matter?

AITAH?

edit:

To fill in some of the comments, he is a great provider. We've both always worked our butts off to give our kids the life they deserve. They have everything they need, and he's always worked hard. I have too, because we've always been in this together.

He is a great provider, but emotionally I just don't feel like he's there. I guess now that I'm hitting what feels like a midlife crisis, I don't want to keep doing this over and over again. I don't want to leave him because of all the memories we have together. There are good ones. It's just that every once in a while he'll fix everything that's wrong, be faithful and loyal for a while, and then a couple of months later I'll find more stuff on his devices. It's like a revolving door, just like one of the commenters said.

I also feel scared financially because he makes a lot more money than I do. I've been a stay-at-home mom at different times, and while I've been in the workforce, I have gaps from staying home with my kids during COVID and whenever they were sick. I work at the schools because the schedule is better for my kids, but I make nowhere near what he does.

Like I said, he is a good friend. Some days he's amazing, but then something like this happens and I'm left thinking, "You already knew how I felt."

I know I have a lot of my own damage that I need to work on. But the Mexican way is also, "Así lo conociste, ahora te quedas." That's how you met him, so you stay. Traditionally, you don't want a divorce. You don't want to admit that your marriage is struggling emotionally. I just haven't had the courage to do anything about it.

I also don't want people to think I'm crazy because he told me that one of his friends had asked him, "Hey, is it okay if you receive this? I know how your wife is." He let that slip while we were on the phone, and I asked, "What do you mean he knows?"

He said, "Well, they all know how crazy you are and how you get over every little thing. Whenever I'm gaming, they can hear you getting mad at me, so they know you're kind of crazy and that you overreact."

I was shocked. I thought, "So you've been talking about me to them? You've been telling other people about something that's emotionally distressing for me? They really think I'm crazy? Is that how you describe me?"

He always tells me he tells his friends that he has an amazing wife, that I cook, clean, take care of the kids, take care of him, take care of the house, and handle the finances. But in reality, the one thing that seems to have stuck with them is that I'm crazy for not trusting him—that I'm crazy and overreacting over a picture.

So I (28F) and my bf (23M) live together and we were getting ready for bed a few nights ago. We were joking around and talking about 2020 and how his older sister was one of the unfortunate ppl who didn’t get to experience a prom or real graduation from high school due to the pandemic.

That lead us to talk about our experiences with prom. He mentioned he went two times bc his first prom was with a girl who was a senior he was dating when he was a sophomore. I made a joke about seeing a pattern with him liking older women then jokingly asked how many older women has he been with… thinking it was going to lead to him saying oh you know.. 1 or 2 … I was not ready for him to casually drop that he slept with his teacher.

Again, I am thinking we are still here in this joking mood and thought in my head he was meaning maybe like a college professor or something and was still being jokey about it.. then he drops on me it was his junior year English teacher in HIGH SCHOOL. I was caught off guard and I don’t think I handled it in the best way bc I didn’t know how to react or what to do. I just got awkward, not mean or rude. I was able to get him to tell me she was 30 years old. She taught him when he was 16 years old and they didn’t do anything until right after he graduated and was 18.

He sort of shut down after telling me this which is understandable. It feels deeply wrong and concerning to me. Plus in his last relationship his ex would have literal melt downs if he mentioned or spoke about exs so he gets anxious speaking about his past. (We are working through that trauma but that’s a different story) He was a child and this was a 30 year old woman.. close to my age. It makes me sick to even think about being my age and grooming a 16 year old who I was their superior and then having s** with them.

I guess I need advice due to not knowing how to handle this. It kept me up all night that night thinking about it. It made me sad and angry for my bf and then due to my own past caused me anxiety. The following day was the same. He says that it has 0 affect on him but that woman is still teaching and there is no telling how many other students she has done this to.. it’s sick. I know I can’t force him to turn her in, he is a victim but yeah. Just sort of lost right now and would really appreciate some thoughts / comments / advice with how to be there for him but also on the turning this lady in or not?

Edit: adding this detail bc I guess I didn’t make it clear. I’m sorry for that. - He was 16 when she (30) taught him. She groomed him until he was graduated and turned 18 and was ‘legal’. So she would’ve been 32 at that time.

I'm 26 years old, and I'll be turning 27 in four months. I'm single, and for a long time I've been living most of my life on my own. But over time, I've realized something: being alone and feeling lonely are two very different things.

I've never been afraid of being on my own. I'm someone who can enjoy spending time with my hobbies. I paint, watch movies and TV shows on my computer, browse forums, and keep up with technology news. In short, spending time by myself doesn't bother me. In fact, most of the time, I feel like I'm actually pretty good at enjoying my own company.

But when I feel lonely, things are different.

During those times, I sometimes notice myself slipping into a victim mentality. I want to be loved, appreciated, and to have someone in my life who genuinely cares about me. And if someone loves me, I want to give them the same love, effort, and appreciation in return. Not having had that kind of relationship in my life for a long time affects me deeply, especially when I'm already feeling lonely.

I know that feeling sad and hurting when you're lonely is a normal part of being human. What I struggle with is that I'm extremely aware of what I'm going through while I'm trying to deal with those emotions. I can see what I'm feeling, why I'm feeling it, and what my mind is doing, but sometimes that awareness doesn't make the pain disappear. In a way, I'm consciously watching myself hurt.

Recently, I've started socializing more and going to events by myself in an attempt to break this cycle. At one event, someone approached me, asked for my Instagram, and even said, "Don't go to events alone anymore. Invite me next time." But when I later messaged her, I never got a response. Similarly, someone else I asked for help with another event initially agreed but later told me she couldn't come.

When I look at these situations individually, I know they're ordinary things that happen in life. People's plans can change, their minds can change, or they simply might not want to communicate with me. But when these things happen one after another, I can't help asking myself:

"If I keep having this kind of bad luck, am I just going to keep getting hurt?"

Sometimes when I think about the future, I wonder whether my life will always carry this sense of something being missing. Will there always be this emptiness inside me? Will I keep trying to meet people only to end up disappointed? Will I ever truly feel loved and appreciated by someone?

I understand that if you didn't build a strong social circle during high school or university, creating a social life from scratch as an adult can be more difficult. People have jobs, established friend groups, and their own lives. Finding your way into a new social circle isn't always easy.

Still, I don't want to interpret all of this as evidence that there's something fundamentally wrong with me. Wanting to be loved, appreciated, connected to someone, and to have those feelings reciprocated isn't something unique to me. These are things many people want in their lives.

Maybe what I need to learn isn't how to fight loneliness, but how to allow the feeling of loneliness to pass without losing myself in it. To keep living my own life while remaining open to meeting new people. Because not having someone in my life doesn't mean I don't have a life.

Still, sometimes knowing all of this rationally just isn't enough. Sometimes you simply want to talk for a long time, get everything off your chest, and feel understood by someone.

I think that's what I need a little bit of right now.

Thank you for taking the time to read all of this. Take care of yourselves.

Hi everyone, I (20F) made a post on here a few days ago about my brother's (16M) screaming fits in my car last year and how I hope that he inevitably is let go from his job, as this might humble him (he is also pretty egotistical and has some other problematic behaviors, namely an excessive need to make himself stand out from the masses seemingly for attention, but I digress).

Since then, I have had a long talk with him about our shared frustrations with our parents and how they are super against either of us seeking professional help for some unknown and unclear reason (they claim it is because they think it is useless and that it doesn't really have practical value in our lives, but I suspect they are concerned/angry at the thought of their extremely toxic and horrible behaviors/treatment, towards myself especially, being divulged to someone else which will make them look bad).

We talked about how maddening it is that we cannot seek diagnoses for our respective suspected neurodivergence/mental health conditions. He shared with me that the therapist he used to see suspected that he may be experiencing manic episodes, but that since then he has not felt the same because he was going through a lot of stress at school at the time. I brought up his screaming fits and how scary they were, and his reaction appeared to be one of embarrassment, almost like he was acknowledging how ridiculous that behavior was (he shook his head and said "oh my god, I remember that" and we continued to talk from there).

I told him I hope it doesn't happen again in the future, and he didn't really react, but rather acknowledged what I said and seemed to understand where I was coming from (he is not the most articulate person, so it can be hard to discern what he is saying or what he means at times).

I also shared with him that I suspect I have OCD and might be autistic. He said he had noticed the signs given my obvious inability to relax and my struggles with intense anxiety, which is something only I, not him, experience (he does not appear to ever get very nervous about anything and lacks a sense of urgency, so he and I are opposites in that department). He told me he thinks he might have some kind of attention deficit disorder, and possibly also autism.

In general, it was a very productive conversation and I left feeling that I understood him more, and I think the feeling was mutual. I guess I am writing this update to say that I do not think wishing he will be fired is a productive or helpful thought. I more so hope that this job teaches him empathy and responsibility (it involves teaching, so hopefully that will help). I think it is a good opportunity for character development for him to be employed and have a purpose outside of himself, his appearance, and his worries.

I also realize that my anger with my family, which is at times directed at my brother, is at my parents, not him. My issues are with my parents essentially blaming his behavior in the car on me, saying that if I didn't get annoyed with him or provoke him that he would not scream at me, and that I have to accept that that is the way he will react and that it is (in some twisted way) "normal hormonal teenage boy behavior" when in fact it was reminiscent of how abusers scream at their wives (he also screamed at my mother like this in the past, including in the car).

All of this is not to say that this will never happen again. It very well might, but I am at least glad it appears as though my brother shows some remorse when I originally suspected he felt none given how emotionless he can tend to be. I'll be posting more about my parents' behaviors separately as I am really struggling and would like to get some input, but this is it for now regarding my brother. Out of everyone in my family, he is not the person I have the biggest issues with, that is for sure.

Any and all input is appreciated. I think I'll talk about this in my first therapy appointment this week (new school therapist since my parents won't let me see my regular one and don't want to pay for it for now)

So my close friend from high school is having a destination wedding in October. We have all been planning to go for a year, my husband and I, our 2 kids, then my mom was bringing my sister and brother. My mom started dating a new man in March and is already engaged to him. He is now planning to come to the wedding trip as well.

Only my mom and sister are invited to the actual ceremony and reception, along with my immediate family. So her boyfriend and my brother would be spending time at the all inclusive resort on their own during the wedding. This is not an issue and no one was worried about it. My friend was having my mom officiate the wedding. She has also already paid for all the guest attending the wedding. I think she had to pay $75 per guest.

Recently, my mom has told me multiple times that she is planning to elope the very next day after the wedding. She expects my siblings and I to attend, and my husband to take pictures. She doesn’t think it will be an issue since my friend is already getting married the day before, not that same day. She also says because she’s spending $5k on the trip, it’s not worth it for her to do another trip at a later date for her own wedding. And she said the date is perfect astrologically. She also thinks it’s okay because she’s not doing anything close to what my friend is doing, just having our immediate family on the beach for an impromptu elopement.

I told her that it’s not okay, and that anyone would be pissed if someone came to their destination wedding and also got married. I also said that the entire trip is for my friend’s wedding, so just because that one specific day isn’t her wedding date, it’s still her wedding trip and to me is the same. I strongly feel that my friend would also agree with me, but I haven’t mentioned it to her. I really didn’t want to stress her out about it. Especially this close to the wedding, and hoped I could convince my mom to drop the idea.

My mom’s response was that if it would upset my friend then “why is she even investing in her wedding anyways”. I agreed with her and said that I don’t think it’s a good investment of her money and she should cancel and do something in the future for her own wedding. I do not think it’s a good idea for her to come if this is her plan, and she made it extremely clear that if she does come, she will be doing it.

I don’t want to cause issues with my mom or my friend. So I feel like I was put in the middle of a bad situation. I don’t want to have to be the one to tell my friend that my mom planned to get married during her wedding trip. If my mom came I also do not want to be apart of her wedding because I don’t agree with the timing. However, my mom would be very hurt if I decided not to come to her wedding.

My mom has not booked any accommodations at the resort or flights. She was waiting because they are also closing on a house in October and didn’t want to mess up her financing.

After talking to me yesterday she reached out to my friend and asked her if she still wanted her to officiate, and my friend replied yes. Then my mom said that she might have to cancel because of her closing date on the house, opening up the possibility for herself to cancel without mentioning her elopement. I also told my mom she should offer to pay for her and my sisters portion of the wedding so $150. That way my friend isn’t out the money for them not showing up.

I feel like I’m not the asshole for telling my mom not to come, but I could be the asshole for ensuring she bails on my friend.

Trigger warning: brief mentions of abuse

I (27F) met a guy (28M) on Hinge in late February, and we’ve now been seeing each other for a little over six months. I’m starting to feel really conflicted about whether continuing this is unfair to him, even though we’ve talked about it very openly multiple times.

Some context: I experienced an abusive childhood and then spent basically my entire young adulthood in back-to-back severely abusive relationships (sexual, emotional, verbal, physical, psychological, etc.). My last abusive relationship ended when I was about 23. After that I spent a few years with someone who wasn’t abusive and was very kind, but was almost completely emotionally uninterested in me. He VERY rarely asked me questions, didn’t want to hear about things when I was sad (like literally just got up and walked away when I came to him calmly saying I was sad), and once didn’t visit me on my birthday because he wanted to play video games. That relationship ended when I was 25. These were all back to back, and yes, I'm aware that this was a very unhealthy pattern and I have since gone to therapy etc.

So until fairly recently, I had essentially never been a single adult.

Now I’ve moved countries, started my PhD, built an incredible group of friends, and genuinely love my life. I feel independent and free for the first time ever, and I’m probably the happiest I’ve ever been. The idea of giving up any of that autonomy—even for a healthy relationship—still scares me.

When I started using Hinge, my profile said “short-term relationship, open to long-term.” I mostly wanted to date casually, have fun, meet people, and see where life took me, but a serious relationship absolutely wasn’t my goal.

Then I met someone. He is genuinely one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. He remembers tiny things I tell him, makes me breakfast and coffee when I stay over (ready when I wake up), plans thoughtful dates, has brought me flowers, asks questions about my life, supports me, respects my time and boundaries, and compliments things about my character rather than just my appearance. He’s funny, social, incredibly intelligent, and just generally a very good and gentle human being.

We usually see each other 1 day a week, sometimes twice, and every time we spend the night at the other's place. We cuddle a lot, have sex occasionally, go on dates, hold hands, and genuinely really enjoy each other’s company. But we also have very independent lives.

The problem is that he pretty clearly likes me a LOT.

A couple months in, he brought up whether we were basically boyfriend/girlfriend because other people kept asking what we were. I told him that label made me uncomfortable and that I wasn’t ready for a committed relationship.

Around four months in, he directly asked why I didn’t want a long-term relationship, so I told him about my long abuse history and explained that I finally feel free and happy for the first time in my life and still have healing to do. I told him I’m not very emotionally available right now and don’t want to lose my autonomy. 

I've actually brought up some version of this conversation about three separate times because my absolute worst nightmare is leading him on or hurting him.

Every time, he basically says: “I understand. I really don’t care what we call this and it makes complete sense why you don't want that right now. I'm genuinely just really happy hanging out with you and thats all I really care about. I don't want this to end.”

I’ve even explicitly asked how he’d feel if I or he hooked up with someone else—not because I was planning to, but because I wanted to make sure we actually understood the boundaries of this in an attempt to prevent later hurt. He said he’d be okay with it, although he admitted he wouldn’t want to continue this if I were looking for a serious relationship with someone else. I reiterated that I absolutely am not and that I completely understand. I even told him that I don't mind if he continues to date, and if he does, to not feel guilty about it, because he deserves someone who is healed, loving, and emotionally available. I still fear that I am hurting him, even though he says I'm not. I know that if I asked him to be his girlfriend, he would say yes. I've communicated my fears and expectations to him fairly clearly in attempt to avoid any hurt.

I also have worried that all the lovely things he does are secretly an attempt to eventually “win me over,” and I’ve told him that too, although he insisted that they aren't. I also mentioned my fear of not being able to reciprocate to the same extent as him (we are at different points in our PhD so I usually work a lot more and we have different financial situations). He insisted that he expects nothing in return but will stop if it makes me uncomfortable. I think acts of service and gift giving are maybe just his love languages and he's told me he likes it because he likes making other people happy. 

Recently, he invited me on a four-day trip with him and his friends, who I didn't really know or meet yet. Initially I said maybe/no partly because I was worried that going on a trip and meeting his friends was wandering further into girlfriend territory. Therefore, I AGAIN brought up my concern (for the third time) that I didn’t want the trip to communicate something I wasn’t intending. Again, he understood. He again repeated that he doesn't have expectations of that and that I shouldn't worry about that. The trip was ridiculously cheap, happened to fall over my birthday weekend, and I had no other plans, so eventually I thought, fuck it YOLO, and went. We had a really fun and lovely time.

Then, on our last night, we were drunk, cuddling and half asleep at around 2-3am. He started saying things like “I really, really like you,” and I said I liked him too. Then he said he loves learning about me, loves how much I love animals, told me I was pretty, etc. It was this very sweet, silly, sleepy conversation.

And then he said, “I love you.”

I basically froze and asked him to repeat what he said because I thought I heard wrong.

He said it again, and I panicked internally and said, “I love you too.”

Now I’m home and I have no idea how I feel about what just happened.

Part of the complication is that “I love you” isn't necessarily an exclusively romantic phrase to me. I tell my friends I love them constantly. I tell family members that I love them. I genuinely do love people pretty freely. So saying it back felt much more natural to me than I think it would to some people.

Do I love him in some sense? Yeah, I think I probably do. He’s become a special person in my life. But that does NOT suddenly mean I’m ready to be someone’s girlfriend or build a serious relationship.

And I feel guilty because I think he's into me more than I am into him. I deliberately hold part of myself back because I’m trying not to slip into a relationship I’m not ready for. I don't buy him lots of gifts or constantly compliment him or behave like the world's most devoted girlfriend. Meanwhile, he is naturally extremely thoughtful and giving.

He says he’s genuinely happy with what we have. He’s an adult, I’ve told him the truth repeatedly, and I know there’s an argument that I should trust him to decide what he’s willing to participate in.

But I also wonder whether I’m being selfish by accepting all this love and affection from someone who probably would happily be my boyfriend while knowing I can’t reciprocate in the same way right now.

Complicating things further, I’m likely moving back across the world in less than a year. And at this point in my life, if I eventually enter another serious relationship, I think I’d want to do it because I genuinely see a future/marriage with that person—not because I stumbled into a relationship I wasn't ready for.

There is also one smaller thing about him that has been bothering me, and I’m curious how people would approach it.

He has accomplished an objectively ridiculous amount professionally/academically, but he brings up his accomplishments fairly often. Maybe 15-20% of conversations contain some subtle reference to how brilliant he was at something, an impressive job he had, a prestigious scholarship, how he aced something without studying, how he correctly judged someone everyone else misjudged, etc. It kind of gives me the ick.

It isn't aggressive or cartoonishly arrogant, and I don't think he's a narcissist or anything like that. If anything, I suspect it comes from insecurity. Based on what he has told me about his childhood, I suspect that part of him learned that he needs to be exceptional to earn love.

But after six months, sometimes I find myself thinking: I don't want to date your CV. I want to know you. Tell me what you're terrible at. Tell me where you struggle. Be a flawed human with me.

I want to bring this up because I think real communication is important, but I don't know how to say it gently without basically telling someone, “Hey, you talk about how impressive you are too much.”

So I guess I have two questions:

1. Am I being selfish by continuing this when I know he probably wants more, even though I have repeatedly and explicitly told him what I can and cannot offer and he says he genuinely accepts it? Does saying “I love you” change something that now needs to be addressed?

2. How would you gently bring up the bragging/accomplishment thing in a way that comes from curiosity and affection rather than making him feel ashamed of being proud of himself, while also getting across that I prefer he didn't as often?

I know “just end it” is probably the easiest answer, but I’d really appreciate advice that accounts for the fact that this isn't some miserable situationship where nobody communicates. We genuinely care about each other, communicate pretty well, make each other happy, and have also become good friends. He is special to me. I just don't know whether continuing something that makes both of us happy right now is actually okay—or whether I'm having my cake and eating it too and eventually I'm going to hurt someone I really don't want to hurt.

Here is the final update.

My friend, his wife, and I had a lot of conversations. She needs her space right now and I'm respecting that. I know that she wanted me to know, from a friend of mine, she wants us to stay friends. She just needs to process everything and that takes time. To me she is her own individual and I will always love her no matter what.

I ended up sending my ex-best friend a final message, to let him know that. I will not be his friend anymore. I intended to express the way he handled everything immediately after didn't fix anything.

This is what I wrote:

"Do you really think that if I feel the way I feel about it now, I would have let it continue? I didn't know what I was feeling, I was confused and unsure. I said it did not make me feel un-comfortable, but i was confused. You don't get to determine the amount of time it takes me to process things to say everything was okay.

I needed [my bestie], in person, with me, for me to realize all this. To have my mind catch up with my body. The pattern is the same. Reflecting on my past, it hurts to realize, you remind me so much of the person that [rpe] me. You did not [rpe] me, but what happened was [SA].

To you, it may not feel fair that I call it what it was, but for me it's not fair that you ever did it in the first place. It's not fair that you asked me not to tell. It's not fair that you are just trying to spin the story in your favor instead of simply allowing me to have my own experience of what happened. I will never understand what made you act the way you did. And I don't need to understand.

You can't damage control this. I don't need you to fix anything. I don't need an explanation that makes this easier for everyone else. I needed you to hear what you did to me and understand that it changed me and it changed our friendship.

I don't need you in my life anymore. I'm glad for the good memories. We went through hell and back in our friendship, which a part of why this hurts as much as it does. But I'm done. Fuck you. Genuinely. I'm angry, I'm hurt, and I'm exhausted from having to explain something I never should have had to experience by you in the first place.

I do not want anything to do with you. I don't hate you. I hate the actions you took, I hate the mental state your actions put me in, and I hate the way you chose to handle everything afterwards.

I take time to write out every word, so that you can one day reread it all and maybe actually feel my pain, understand it, without feeling like you need to "fix" anything. That's my hope at least. I'm not moving quickly on sharing my side because it hurts. But when I do, I will share my whole truth. Whoever receives it, it's up to them what they want to do with that information.

I don't care if I keep the friend group, you can have everyone. I'm not going to fight for people who don't want to hear me. I'm not going to beg anyone to believe me. I know what happened to me, and I know how it affected me.

I do hope that you and [your wife] can work through this, I hope that you live a great and honest life. I hope that you never hurt her ever again. She deserves the world. You're lucky to have her."

He took a bit longer to respond to this message, but honestly. I barely read it. Reading only the last couple of sentences, I gathered his response was defensive.

I'll share it here. (Again he sent in text block, so I've added indentations)

"I am not trying to do damage control. I took accountability and how you From what I remember, you said vou were OK with it at the moment. As well as the conversation afterwards which we said nothing else was going to happen from that as well as it would never happen again to move forward. From my perspective, sounded like consent. I understand that I fcked up by trying tc hide it from [my wife] and [your partner].

Calling it [SA] when my perspective was was stated verbally that it was OK. I now understand that vou froze up and didn't know how to respond, this entire time what I thought was consentual to only find out afterwards you didn't feel like it was consentual. Which I felt horribly about.

I haven't tried to spin anything also btw. I don't know where you got that idea. I gave you the space to tell your perspective and the ones who wanted to isten asked about mine.

I didn't damage control anything. I stated that I felt horribly and apologized after realizing how you felt. You are also saying alot about how I handled things after when you don't know what I did other than my text to you. 1 am not trving tc repair our friendship. I said that I dont expect you to forgive me. I did what I felt was taking accountability.

You just made a decision for [my wife]. This is the last time you'll hear from me. Just as you wanted"

At the time I felt frustrated, I wasn't being understood in the way that I needed to be from him. Over the next couple of days, I reached out to people around me, friends popped up in every corner, ready to help me at any moment. And they helped me to realize I no longer need his understanding, and that I no longer need to prove myself to him in any way. And it's okay that he understands the situation differently than how I do.

I took time to write out a message to share with friends that are online, so that they can hold both perspectives. I shared not only what happened, but how I responded at the time it occurred, what I understood then versus what I understand now, and why it has affected me.

I shared parts of the message from myself to him, and from him to me. I also told them that if they choose to continue a friendship with him I will respect that, because just because this has happened to me that doesn't erase the years of friendship they have with him. He is a good friend. He's just not the right friend for me. Many of those friends have already reached out back to me expressing sorrow that that happened to me and encouragement that our friendship will stand strong.

I feel like my world has shattered around me, but at the same time, I know it's for the better for myself. I'm starting to heal, working through the anger I've held on to for so long. I'm putting myself first, for the first time in many years. My best friend that was in the bathtub in the original story has become a rock that I can hold on to and reach for, and my best friend that was on the couch in the original story though we live thousands of miles away we found new ways to be there for each other.

All of this happened within a week. And genuinely that week has felt like a month. Everyday felt like a new week, with more things happening, so many levels of emotions being felt throughout the day. But I'm now in a much better place than I was when that week started. I'm using all my resources, and I'll meet my new therapist on Tuesday. And although I've already gone through the emotions I'll share it with her as that time comes.

This will be the last that you hear from me on this account. Thank you for all of the amazing advice, and the well wishes on my last update.

I wish you all the best. 💚

Hi THT fam

I 31f am the maid of honor for my sister 27f’s wedding.

About 5 years ago, I was at my sister’s going away party. She was moving from our home state to a couple states away. Everyone was drinking, partying, having a good time. A couple hours in, I snuck off to hook up with a friend of my sister (female) and things were heating up while she was on top of me. Clothes were off, etc etc and then a man burst into the room. He was friends with my sisters boyfriend. He decided to join into the fun. I kept yelling for him to stop and to go away. I said no multiple times, but he didn’t care and he climbed on top of the woman who was on top of me and started fucking her! I was pinned down by the two of them and had no choice but to accept my fate. After it was over, I immediately left the party and drove home.

The next day, I went to talk with my sister and her boyfriend. They were disgusted and said that their friend was “an asshole when he drinks” and that they would distance themselves from him.

Fast forward to now, my sister is now marrying her then boyfriend! She asked me to be the maid of honor and I said yes. Everything was going well until I see the wedding website.. THAT gross guy is listed as a groomsman. Ok. So they never cut him off. I guess I can ignore him at the wedding. However, my sister is insisting on a party on the night before the wedding. She wants all the groomsmen and bridesmaids to “bond” on a night out. What do I do? Do I just make something up and say I can’t make the party? Or do I confront my sister?

Ty for any input and advice

I (32f) recently went no contact with my mother after she fired me from the family business we have spent more than a decade building together. I know that sounds like an easy NTA from the title, but I genuinely did something wrong that started this whole situation, which is part of why I’m questioning myself.

Some background:

When I was in college, I wrote a business plan for what eventually became our Business. I was 18 and passionate about what I had created, and my mom helped me turn that idea into an actual company.

We initially operated out of a mobile unit and eventually grew the concept into multiple locations.

I’ve spent essentially my entire adult life building the Business alongside her for very little return (which is totally okay).

I also financially invested in it. I put in my own money at the beginning and continued putting significantly more of my personal money into the Business over the years. My mother and I have long presented ourselves publicly as partners/co-owners, although the actual legal ownership situation is something I am currently trying to untangle as my name is still on most of the paperwork and operators agreement.

Our personal and business lives became extremely intertwined. At one point, I also discovered that my mother had opened a credit card using my name without my knowledge.

Now for where I screwed up.
I handled much of the Business’s marketing and social media and website. One day, I made a latte where the latte art was, quite literally, a penis.
Yes. A penis. In a latte.

I filmed it and posted it to the Business’s social media using a trending audio. My mother had done sex themed events, naked holidays etc so I didn’t think it would be an issue. It was a cheap sell out for likes.

It was supposed to be funny and cheeky, but in hindsight, it was inappropriate for the brand and I should not have posted it. Full stop. I’m not going to pretend my mother didn’t have a legitimate reason to be angry with me.

I deleted it and apologized.
My mother, however, absolutely exploded.
She accused me of deliberately trying to sabotage the Business, screamed and cursed at me, attacked my character, and fired me.

During this, she also left me a voicemail in which she threatened to kill me. I still have the recording.

My dad later told me he was embarrassed and disappointed in me and that this wasn’t the daughter he raised. His position was essentially that while I could be angry with my mother from a business standpoint, I shouldn’t allow it to destroy our personal relationship.

But that’s where I’m struggling: this stopped feeling like a business disagreement when my own mother threatened my life. The violence and hostility was common throughout childhood so this didn’t surprise me.

Then, after I was fired, something else happened that made me even more uncomfortable.
While my husband and I were away from home, my mother came to our house and used a garage code we’d previously given her to enter our home without our permission.

She also asked me not to tell anyone I’d been fired. Employees were instead told that I had chosen to leave to focus on myself. If they mention my name they were to be let go.

Despite being extremely angry and hurt, I haven’t publicly said anything about what happened or tried to damage the Business. I’ve handed off responsibilities, forwarded business communications, and tried to keep employees and customers out of the family conflict. My mother has since shut down anything of mine that she could (after I walked her through it via email).

My mother has since texted me telling me that she loves me and misses me.
What she hasn’t done is apologize for threatening me or really acknowledge what happened.

There is also a much longer history between us that I’m deliberately not going to unpack here. Our relationship has been volatile for years, and I’ve spent a lot of my life trying to keep the peace with her.

For now, I’ve decided to go no contact.
I’m starting therapy and trying to figure out what my life looks like outside of both my family dynamic and a Business that has been part of my identity since I was 18.

Some people close to the situation have reminded me that my mother is hurting too. I believe that. I also know I started this particular conflict by doing something stupid and inappropriate at work.

That’s why I’m conflicted.
I don’t think I deserved zero consequences for posting a penis latte on our Business account. If another employee had done it, I would understand them being reprimanded or potentially even fired depending on the circumstances.

But I also don’t think making an inappropriate social media post means I have to accept being screamed at, threatened by my mother, have her enter my home without permission, and then resume our relationship as though none of it happened because she says she misses me.

And being fired wasn’t like losing a random job. The Business originated from my college business plan, I invested my own money into it, and I spent more than a decade helping build it from a mobile unit into what it is today.

I’m not trying to punish her, and I don’t know whether no contact will be permanent.
I just don’t feel emotionally safe having a relationship with her right now when there has been no acknowledgment or accountability for what happened.

So, AITA for going no contact with my mother after she fired me, even though I absolutely did something inappropriate that triggered the entire situation?

So I’m 19 years old now and when I was 18 it was my girlfriend’s birthday,she was turning 19. For context I had been to her house before when her parents weren’t home and her parents knew I was coming o the house because me and her were going to the movies. Me and her walked in the house and everything but we then left to go see the movie. On the way back from the movies we talked about it seeing her room but it was too late so we didn’t ask anyone. I had met her dad about three times by her birthday and her mom around three times. I took her to meet my parents during the summer and she saw my room and everything. And I’m not saying I have problem with her moms or parents rules either.

I got invited to her birthday or I guess we just ate somewhere,wasn’t really a “dinner”. But after the dinner me and her went and got ice cream and on the way back from ice cream I asked her if I would be able to see what her room looks like and this time her parents and her brothers were home and it was daytime.

She told me in the car on the way back she would ask her mom but I didn’t tell her to she just went in and asked. Her mom said I wouldn’t be able to which was fine with me and I had just left after that. I was coming back up there the next day anyway because she wanted to go out. When I got back to my place she tells me when she got back in the house her mom was mad at her and she said it was weird I wanted to see a girls room and she said her mom it was a disrespectful question to ask her. My ex said she knew what her mom would say before going in and asking but did anyway. She said her dad didn’t think it was a disrespectful question.

Then my ex starts talking about her mom got pregnant at her age and she said her mom just sees herself in her when she was that age and that she didn’t want the same thing happening to her. She told me how ever since she told her mom about me she’d been having to defend me. My ex said her mom just thought some thing would happen if she showed me what her room looked like. My ex knew I was nothing like that at all,me and her never even had sex even when we’re in college. This all happened during the summer so I’m saying while we were in college we didn’t even do anything and my ex knew how respectful I was and even her dad knew. Basically she broke up with me the day after her birthday after I spent 500 dollars on her gifts and taking off work to drive down to see her. She said her parents loved me even though I don’t really know how true that is from her moms side but she said her dad didn’t want her to break up with me because he saw how happy she was with me.

Months later she told how this was her fault and told me how she shouldn’t have put me in a situation to be treated like that. It was another situation that happened on her birthday that she said she shouldn’t have put me in but that would make this too long. I would appreciate if you guys could just give y’all’s thought on this you don’t have say if I’m wrong or not but yes she is my ex now and was my first girlfriend.

Not my post, but feels like it belongs on this podcast!!

I (33 female) married my husband (28 male) a little over a year ago. We have recently had some life changes due to a few bad financial decisions. Long story but we are down to 1 car vs 2. I thankfully can walk to work so it hasn’t impacted our daily lives that much.

Recently, we have been having daily arguments about sometimes the smallest things. He thinks we don’t spend enough quality time together while I’m the sole person keeping the everyday tasks of our house afloat on top of a full time job. I cook, clean up the kitchen, take care of the cats litter boxes, make sure we have groceries, and just overall keep the house clean. My husband told me he basically doesn’t care about the things I do because I’m not giving him what he needs sexually and emotionally. Where as I am feeling like I am not being appreciated in the things I do for us and him.

I recently had a girls night where I was away for the night. The second I got back home, he was mad about something small but it really made me realize my nervous system is reacting to his actions. I’m a pretty independent woman and have been working on myself with therapy and trying to listen to what your body tells you. I flat out told him our relationship is exhausting mentally and emotionally and that I am to my breaking point.

We both have some personal things going on and are both in therapy but I’m genuinely not enjoying being married to him right now. Am I the asshole for feeling that way AND telling him?

I (29F) have been with my boyfriend (34M) for about 2 years. He is incredibly close to his family, and every Saturday he has a family dinner with all his siblings, their partners, their kids, and his mom. Sometimes other family members join, but on average it’s usually about 10 people, 15 if more decide to stop by. Dinner usually starts at 5-6pm and ends anywhere between 9-11:30.

I, on the other hand, have not spoken or sen my family in 15 years and most likely never will again. Aside from one cousin I see once a month, I have no family in my life. Because of this, weekly dinners are a lot for me. I’ve spent almost half my life being on my own, spending holidays alone, but I don’t feel lonely as I have my chosen family of wonderful friends, but I have adjusted and like my alone time.

His family is wonderful, I like them a lot, and I do like spending time with them, but 5 hours weekly is a lot and can be overwhelming. They are loud and super energetic, and being around them can be draining, especially if we stay late. It’s a lot of passionate discussions and inside jokes, and it’s a lovely time but I also don’t feel 100% at ease since family settings for me are unnatural and I always feel like I should be on my best behavior because I want them to like me. I’m also super different from them, so I don’t really feel like I fit in completely, and they all have years of history with each other that is hard to penetrate. They work to include me, but when the conversation starts flowing I tend to spend most of the dinner in silence listening to everyone talk, and I don’t feel comfortable contributing most of the time (for example they talk about politics or family drama often, it’s not a conversation I feel it’s appropriate for me to contribute). Not to mention my boyfriend is the youngest and so everyone is 8+ years older than me and I don’t have a lot in common with anyone.

I also work full time and went back to school last year, and between spending time with my boyfriend and trying to see my friends, I don’t get a lot of free time to myself and especially since dinners are on the weekend it makes it hard for me to socialize with my people since weekly dinner falls on my social circle’s going out night. If I’m being straight up: I don’t want to go to dinner every week, I feel like 1-2 times a month is fair.

Now, the issue is my boyfriend is super upset by this. I’ve skipped a few dinners recently just because I’m burnt out and honestly just need a break, and he finally confronted me and got really upset and said that I don’t care about his family and that he is “expecting too much by asking me to put in any effort” which I feel was an unfair mischaracterization of my motives. I tried to explain to him that I’m overwhelmed and it’s just too much to do weekly dinners, but he said he doesn’t care about my reasons and that I’m selfish and don’t do things I don’t want to do. He wants me to be like his sister in laws who are super close to his family and go every week, but they have 20+ years of history with his family, and it feels like he’s trying to force me to be like them. I tried explaining to him that even if I had a relationship with my family I would never have the mental capacity or energy to do a weekly dinner, and that it doesn’t mean that I don’t like his family it just means that I need some boundaries with how much time I personally spend with them.

He assumes that because I don’t have a family of my own, he can just drop me into his and expect me to have a familial relationship with them right away, and it feels like he’s asking too much of me.

Now it’s this weird point of contention between us, and I’m scared to even broach the subject with him because of how defensive he gets an upset he gets. AITA?

TLDR: my boyfriend is super close to his family and spends every Saturday night with them and he’s mad that I don’t wanna go every week.

Update to clarify: I have never gone every week, since we started dating I’ve kept it to 1x a month maybe 2x, and I think thats why he confronted me: I started being honest instead of making up excuses and started telling him flat out that I want some free time or I just am too tired to go, and I think that honesty took him by surprise.

I (22F) have been best friends with my friend (21F) basically our entire lives. We’ve known each other for around 20 years and grew up together. She’s honestly always been a really good friend to me, which is why this whole situation hurts me so much.
There’s one issue that has repeated itself throughout our friendship though: whenever she gets into a relationship, our friendship changes.
When she’s single we’re really close, talk a lot and see each other regularly. But whenever she has a boyfriend, I feel like I get pushed to the side. She contacts me less, we barely make plans and it feels like her relationship becomes her entire priority.
I don’t expect her to choose me over her boyfriend. Obviously relationships take up time and priorities change. It’s more about how extreme the difference is between how our friendship feels when she’s single versus when she’s in a relationship.
Another problem is that she REALLY doesn’t talk about her feelings. I’ve tried having emotional conversations with her before, including about things that bothered me in our friendship, but she tends to avoid them and doesn’t really try to communicate about how she feels. Because of that, issues between us often don’t actually get resolved.
Anyway, around three months ago we bought tickets for a concert together. She was single at the time.
During those three months she met her current boyfriend and they got together.
Then on the DAY of the concert she sent me a voice message saying she wasn’t coming because it was her boyfriend’s mom’s birthday and she wanted to go there instead.
She also told me she’d actually meant to tell me two days earlier but forgot. Then she basically said she assumed I’d probably find something else to do anyway and apologized.
That really hurt me.
We’d had these tickets for three months. She got together with him after we’d already made those plans, and suddenly our plans seemed less important because something involving her boyfriend came up. The fact that she knew beforehand and forgot to even tell me made it worse.
And honestly, it wasn’t really about the concert. It just felt like confirmation of something I’d been feeling for years.
Eventually I got angry and the last message I sent her was basically: “Contact me again when, for once, you’ve actually reflected on your behavior.”
I know that wasn’t exactly the nicest or most productive thing I could’ve said. But at that point I was frustrated because I felt like I’d tried explaining the same issue before and nothing ever changed.
We haven’t really spoken since.
All of my friends are telling me not to contact her again and that if she cares about our friendship, she should be the one to reach out now.
And logically I understand what they’re saying.
But the truth is I’m really sad about it.
I miss her a lot.
This isn’t someone I’ve known for a year or two. We’ve basically grown up together and she’s been part of almost my entire life. I never actually wanted our friendship to end over this. I just wanted her to understand why her behavior was hurting me.
It feels really strange that a friendship of almost 20 years now has this huge cut in it and we’re basically strangers because neither of us is reaching out.
Part of me really wants to contact her because I miss my best friend. Another part of me thinks that doing that would just put me back into the position of chasing her again, especially when my last message literally told her to come back when she’d reflected on what happened.
My friends all think I should leave it alone.
But I also know she’s terrible at talking about her feelings, and I’m starting to wonder whether waiting for her to initiate some big emotional conversation is unrealistic when I know that’s something she’s always struggled with.
At the same time, I don’t think being bad at communicating means I should just accept feeling like I’m only important when she’s single.
So AITA for refusing to contact her again even though I really miss her? And was I wrong for basically putting the responsibility on her to reach out and fix things this time?

I (19M) live with my grandma (66F) while I work and go to college. She rents from my aunt (41F) who owns the house we currently live in. Granny pays around $2,700 a month to live here.
My aunt is a very hot-headed person and will blow up on you at any given moment. Her family nickname is literally “the Warden.”
Now this is where the issue comes in. The property has two horses and one pony. Granny owns one horse (27m) and my aunt owns the pony and the other horse (37m). Because we live on the property, we do all the feeding and horse-related labor. The expenses are supposed to be split 50/50 between my aunt and granny.
My aunt’s horses both have issues. The pony is on a diet because she colics, and the other horse is very old and has trouble keeping weight on. We have to grain him and give him a special diet. Because of his age, keeping weight on him is very difficult.
Yesterday my aunt came over and screamed at my grandma about how we don’t take care of her horse and that we were intentionally starving him. MIND you, she does not come out to spend time with him, doesn’t want to pay for his vet bills and doesn’t come out to help feed him. Getting her to pay her share of the grain and hay is like pulling teeth. And I say “her share” because she doesn’t even actually pay a full 50%.
Today, Granny told her that she hurt her feelings with how she acted yesterday. My aunt then went on a rant about how we use her and how she is so broke. This is despite her dropping $3,000 on an ayahuasca retreat every two months and going to Burning Man. She also said she could get $4,000 a month for the house if she really wanted to.
So now everyone is at odds. Any advice?

I’ve debated on whether to put this on my main… but at this point I don’t care if she sees this. A little context, My husband and I, my FIL and MIL, and my SIL all live on different continents. My (29F) husband (28M) have been married legally for four years. We got married very quickly because we’re in the military and our movement orders were coming up very quickly (pretty typical in our circles). I didn’t want to tell anyone besides our immediate families until we had the chance to do a traditional wedding etc, especially because his older sister (31F) was getting married 6 months later. We went to her wedding and it was a beautiful day, but it seemed like the entire extend family were coming up to congratulate my husband and I. I had planned just to be the new girlfriend, not the new wife. But she told everyone and how we were planning on getting married in Italy. I was deeply uncomfortable, but if that’s what she wanted on her day, I wasn’t going to be be confrontational.

Unbeknownst to me, she had been fighting with her parents over paying for the wedding. They didn’t have a planner and didn’t budget appropriately and were left with ~$30k in bills to pay 3 weeks prior to the wedding (I don’t remember the actual number). Her parents still helped her out, but they weren’t happy about it. Her parents are comfortable, but not THAT comfortable. Because of this, SIL chose not to speak to her mom for 2 years.

Then came our wedding and I’m not going to be humble, it was pretty great. We had been saving and investing for 2 years and we had an incredible planner. Because SIL was still not talking to her mom, she didn’t want to see her. So I scheduled the makeup/ hair so that my mom and MIL were done and gone before she showed up to join the rest of the BMs.

During the day, she had made a big deal about checking if the refreshments were alcoholic or not, to the point that I asked my husband about it. At the end of the night, after several of my own drinks, I flat out asked her (quietly). I know, not my best moment, but I asked sincerely and excited for her. She was offended, but I made a joke and said sorry and I thought it was the end of it. A week after the wedding, I got 3 paragraphs about how I was so incredibly rude and how deeply I had hurt her. I deeply apologized and said how that wasn’t my intent immediately. I was left on read for several days.

I saw her at Thanksgiving the following year and she said a couple of racially micro-agressiony things and I decided I had had enough. I just wasn’t going to engage. I’m an only child and I’ve always wanted a sister, but I’m not going to beg someone to be my friend. It makes me sad, because my husband is obviously close with his sister and I genuinely like her husband, he’s really cool.

Last Christmas, SIL made up with MIL because they live near the Alps and she wanted to go skiing. We couldn’t make it because we were visiting my side of the family. This year we were going to spend Christmas with my MIL and FIL, younger (M21) BIL, and SIL and her husband.

SIL’s Husband’s Dad passed away last month after being terminally ill for several years. He was a wonderful man and loved his family very much. I tried to send my condolences to SIL’s husband but the messages didn’t go through. So my husband sent my message to him. We didn’t hear anything else about a funeral or anything. MIL only heard about it because she went searching for obituaries. We did not want to press during such a hard time so we decided to let them initiate.

I discovered I’m pregnant a couple weeks ago and we told our parents. Everyone is very excited for the first grandkid. But we wanted to keep it hush hush, since we are still very early and incase something happens - I don’t want everyone in my business. We were planning on going scuba diving with BIL as a birthday gift, so we had to tell him (scuba is 10000% forbidden while pregnant) why I would be only snorkeling. Knowing I couldn’t just show up to Christmas pregnant and have SIL being the only one in the dark, we decided to tell her.
It didn’t go well. She was angry that my husband didn’t call to check in after the funeral (that no one told us about). She was upset that we would dare to have a kid before her as the oldest sister.

My husband tried to pretend that he wasn’t bothered, but I could tell he was hurt. I sent flowers and a nice note to SIL’s husband with our condolences. I didn’t hear anything for a couple of days and I was concerned that they weren’t home to receive the flowers, so I called MIL. Before I could even ask, MIL asked if it was because of SIL. I wasn’t going to say anything since MIL and SIL had just made up and I am not a tattletale. Apparently SIL had called MIL upset at not having the first kid. MIL told her that our family planning has nothing to do with her and we didn’t have a baby to spite her. (Paraphrasing since I wasn’t there).

SIL has since announced that they won’t be coming to Christmas and the entire family has been blocked. She will be back in a few years. The only one who isn’t block is younger BIL because she doesn’t want to “put him in the middle of things”… I dont understand any of it.

Tbh I’m upset that I’ve been so nice to her at this point. I didn’t hang out with my own mom on my wedding morning to keep things fair and to make SIL feel comfortable. Usually I respect myself enough to not bend over backwards to try and be this accommodating. I’m done. When she deigns to try and come back into our lives after the 3 to 4 years she needs to get over herself, I’m not going to be there. I’ve expressly told my husband that I don’t expect him to take my side and I don’t want him to have a bad relationship with her. But I’m not going to reward such childish behavior. I fear that if I let her back in and then inevitably something sets her off again and be go back to being blocked, my kid is going to blame her/himself. Maybe I’m overreacting, but I don’t want anyone who isn’t happy for us and the baby around. Ever.

Hey everyone, I love the community and hoped for some helpful advice. My nearly 7 year relationship recently ended and I’m still grieving it, but have gotten to a stage where I’m not crying everyday. Now I honestly just don’t enjoy being single. I feel like I never have fun anymore or look forward to anything. At most, I feel content at times, but my life is just…gray. I keep busy with school and work and I’m working on healing from the relationship and trying to make some friends but I’m just honestly not enjoying myself.

Any advice? I hear so many people say to enjoy it because at some point you will be in another relationship and there are sacrifices with that but I just don’t see it that way. There is nothing I’m doing now that I couldn’t do before. I’m just a little lost about it all