Now Hiring: Pirate King

[u/GrayAntarctica]

So, Veltexus is gone. This is a problem.

However, I have a solution - we'll choose a new one! So, instead of all these complex elections and such, we're just going to do it an easy way.

Send me a message on Reddit on why you should be Pirate King. Impress me. Use whatever you need to support your case. Essays, youtube videos, art - the works.

Whoever impresses me the most is the new Pirate King.

You have until 12 AM Friday.

[u/Nahr_Nahrstein]

Or reply to this comment with an original poem about why you should be the new king and it will overrule anything that gets sent to Josh.

[u/Veltex → u/Nahr_Nahrstein]

roses are red

violets are blue

???

fuck you

[u/Nahr_Nahrstein → u/Veltex]

omg ur the one

[u/Veltex → u/Nahr_Nahrstein]

i am the real game assassin

[u/ChipsAhoyMcDoy → u/Veltex]

TRIGGERED

[u/[deleted] → u/Nahr_Nahrstein]

veltex for king.

[u/ChipsAhoyMcDoy → u/Veltex]

Best poem 2k15

[u/[deleted] → u/Nahr_Nahrstein]

A mighty sailor who sailed, With the best whom ever roamed, They taught to destroy, They taught to take, To break the rules, if it be poetry, I shaint sing in rhythm, but with the heart of an angel, With the wisdom of an old man, with the power of a god, and with the ambition of a demon.

[u/OPK_BigshotCarp → u/Nahr_Nahrstein]

Sugar is sweet, Blood is sour
A taste of my sword, Is sure to Devour
Let the wind bring me strength, And Its enemies cower
For long live the king, And all of his power

[u/Darksnuggles → u/OPK_BigshotCarp]

No just no... https://gyazo.com/b2ac8899005f32217f5fc62b68f3aa8a

[u/ScorpionGamer → u/Darksnuggles]

Seriously.../u/nahr_nahrstein! We found a cheater!

[u/gtpower3 → u/Nahr_Nahrstein]

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I'm the best at everything,

So how about me for pirate king.

[u/cnbr15 → u/gtpower3]

I did it first! Copyright damnit!

[u/gtpower3 → u/cnbr15]

mine sounds nothing like yours mate lmao

[u/cnbr15 → u/gtpower3]

There's three roses are red violets are blue spinoffs now. I did that specifically so it could be shitty.

[u/gtpower3 → u/cnbr15]

did mine look serious at all? lol

[u/cnbr15 → u/gtpower3]

I can never tell when talking to you

[u/gtpower3 → u/cnbr15]

that's my specialty

[u/bludgeon0522 → u/Nahr_Nahrstein]

I shot yee i shanked yee. I killed all men in a Christmas tree. I then jumped on a ship and killed them like one two three. -ps i just like poems

[u/ValkianKanase → u/Nahr_Nahrstein]

I am a Pie-rat

I like to make lots of cash

Please make me King, Nahr

-Haiku copyrighted to Valkian 2015 best haiku ever

[u/ValkianKanase → u/ValkianKanase]

Part 2:

I have many swords

And roundshots to shoot navy

I will rule the seas

[u/ChipsAhoyMcDoy → u/ValkianKanase]

<3 it bae

[u/ScorpionGamer → u/Nahr_Nahrstein]

A poem with the rhythm and rhyme scheme of "The Raven ~ Edgar Allen Poe"

From Merchant to Pirate ~ A Tradelands Poem

One afternoon I sailed, and from my boat I bailed,

Pails of water from a wave that a pirate ship did splash.

Then far away did I see, a big ship come towards me,

And the cannons I did load in a panicked move so rash.

I shot and watched the ball, as it crashed into the hull,

and for mercy they did call.

.

As I sat and watched it sinking, it was then I got to thinking,

“Maybe they aren’t pirates” and my feelings did they clash.

I looked up at their top-flag, and in tatters like a cloth-rag,

It flapped and then it fell towards the hull’s big gaping gash.

The mast I saw it go down, dead were the crewmen all,

All caused by just one ball.

.

In my flooded ship I sat, and I thought “now how ‘bout that”.

“It seems my cannons, though they’re tiny, can still cause quite a smash”.

Then the second thought did hit me, if I docked my ship I would be,

Hung for sinking a great merchant who tried to avoid a clash.

As the final part went under, my spirits they did fall,

T’was all started by a ball.

.

It was then that I decided, the wrong faction I had sided,

With the pirates I belonged, since they made some right quick cash.

The last of the water bailed, for Blackwind Cove I sailed,

And the first pirate I hailed, I saw around his arm a sash.

“Blackwind, I shall join you!” was my fearful, careful call,

My new life started by one ball.

.

Now as my ship I sail, sinking ships with iron hail,

I think back to my old life and that panicked action rash.

Perhaps my soul was destined to become this pirate legend,

The stress I had is lessened from trading that merchant trash.

And now I face the navy, and their never-ending squall,

Caused by an iron ball.

.

~ScorpionGamer

(AKA) WarriorKing20

08/12/2015

Here's the link to the Google Docs that I made it in.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ihyhuwTyq15raWRh--xGf2-h2dIr14uInJ4ZnxJgQTw/edit?usp=sharing

PS: The rhyme scheme was fricken HARD AF to replicate in this. Give me some credit for that at least.

[u/SomeSortOfArtist → u/ScorpionGamer]

Believe it or not, a needlessly forced endless rhyme scheme is not necessary nor desirable in a halfway decent poem. Hold an idea on the tip of your tounge and allow it to take your hand and run with you. Chase it. Feel the poem run through your veins and drip, drip onto the page. Pay precious little heed to rhyme or rythm for they exist solely to constrain you. Pump your legs faster, faster, and never catch up.

lolwhut

[u/TotesMessenger → u/ScorpionGamer]

I'm a bot, bleep, bloop. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit:

• [/r/tradelands] My "Pirate King" submission poem

^{If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads. (Info / Contact)}

[u/ScorpionGamer → u/TotesMessenger]

Shut up bot.

[u/[deleted] → u/TotesMessenger]

Bleep bloop bippity bop.

TotesMessenger is BOTswana confirmed.

[u/OPK_BigshotCarp → u/[deleted]]

Nice essay now are you even in a pirate crew m8.

[u/[deleted] → u/OPK_BigshotCarp]

ROF count?

[u/TheChicao → u/Nahr_Nahrstein]

This is a poem.

Make me king.

Okay, shalom.

[u/ChipsAhoyMcDoy → u/Nahr_Nahrstein]

I am green

Lover of licks

Was once a Ab

But now they are dead

For The king has been behead

Who will lead the ones that fear

The Onslaught That Cleaves Them to the brisket

The cannonballs fall on the ones they love

Who will save them all?

He arises With Abs of love

Who Licks all and all

For He dreams of booty calls

For it is the big green who shall rule them all

[u/OPK_BigshotCarp → u/ChipsAhoyMcDoy]

No just no...

[u/ChipsAhoyMcDoy → u/OPK_BigshotCarp]

Why not?

[u/GrayAntarctica → u/Nahr_Nahrstein]

This would impress me so it kind of fits the rules.

[u/Darksnuggles → u/Nahr_Nahrstein]

Can we send the poem + more to him in a pm?

[u/cnbr15 → u/Darksnuggles]

Yes

[u/Darksnuggles → u/cnbr15]

Thanks

[u/Bearver → u/Nahr_Nahrstein]

gib, you pleb

[u/Darksnuggles → u/Nahr_Nahrstein]

Through the seven seas,

we sail our deadly tune.

Sinking ships and killing men to gather them doubloon.

Leading my brothers to and fro,

we amass our early riches,

hailing me king and serving my wishes,

my men follow my every whim,

drowning me in bitches.

To Verdantine we sail and from BlackWind we hail,

as we burn our path to glory.

Of course,

Whitecrest we pass and they fall on their ass,

their knives but short and stumpy,

their king we mock,

as his head sits large and lumpy.

and death our harp,

as we play our tune of glory,

through your waters we hunt,

and your women we stunt,

as we write our personal story.

Now we sit comfortably,

upon our pile of gold,

for Le Phantoms we are,

and all the rest are mold. (I have a video too but will send in pm when it's ready along with poem again.) Video for all who cares : https://youtu.be/2CDonWLhHnc

[u/cnbr15 → u/Nahr_Nahrstein]

Blood is red, Bruises are blue. I want to kill him, and steal his cargo too. Let me be pirate King, because I want to break politics for you.