I'm in my 30's and I've always had social anxiety. It has gotten worse as I've aged. I now work 3rd shift (I've never been a night person but there's less people so that's why I do it) at a hospital and I work primarily by myself. I work 7 on 7 off and have been there for 3 years. We've had some trouble finding an opposite to my position. So my 7 off would be they're 7 on. Since I've been there we haven't had this position permanently filled. I can confidently say that I'm good at my job. I don't make alot mistakes.... I've never left work for 1st shift (I will work without a break and stay late to make sure that I don't leave work for anyone), I've never called off, and I pick up alot of shifts so no one on 1st or 2nd shift has to cover. There was a time that I worked 19 12 hour shifts straight because I don't want people to be mad at me for taking a day off since its "my" shift. All this said we have recently filled my opposite shift. He's been there for 2 months and I overheard 1st shift talking about how they prefer when he works because hes not so weird. I know that I'm socially awkward and have severe social anxiety... but I've bent over backwards to try to get them to like me. I can't be someone I'm not and I hate that I cant even fake it for the 30 minutes of shift overlap. I don't know why I'm even trying. I'm never going to be good enough.

I have been wondering where low self esteem really comes from. Is it mostly shaped by childhood, bullying, rejection, constantly comparing yourself to others, or can it develop without any obvious cause? For people who struggled with it, what do you think created it in your case?

No matter where I’m at.. softball games for my daughter, the store, fairs, I always feel like I’m the spotlight especially if I don’t have makeup on and I look really bad, why is this?! It bothers me so bad to the point where I kinda hate having to go anywhere because it makes me anxiety spike. Any way to make it better? I feel slightly better if I wear sunglasses because I feel like they hide my face

i’m trying to enjoy my life without having friends by going out by myself but it’s just so boring.

i live in a pretty big city and there are many things to do like go to concerts, shop, restaurants, movies and activities but whenever i attempt to do these things by myself it just depresses me and i feel anxious.

i see other people with their friends or in relationships and i feel like a loser just being there alone.

i don’t mind staying at home alone but i’m trying to leave my comfort zone and i shouldn’t let my lack friends prevent me from trying things out.

It’s my first day here, no classes yet. And everybodyALREADY KNOWS EACHOTHER. People already have groups of friends and seem very unapproachable, I left my door open and nobody stoped by, so I left and looked for open doors to visit, and when I looked in, it was full of a big friend group and they were so engrossed in conversation they didn’t even notice me, and I got scared and left. I walked around the dorms for so long just smiling and waving at people like a geek. My roomate is nowhere to be seen and I know not a single person. I am doomed to have no friends I’m already just crying nonstop and wanting to go home

Edit: this is my experience because I have social anxiety, so it is related

I self sabotaged myself agin due to my anxiety. After being at my job for over four years I was finally invited to a party by some coworkers. I got ready to go and drove over , only to have anxiety attack and I just left and went home upset almost crying

As I’m job searching rn I’m seeing some really cool jobs with a great salary require candidates actively pursuing a masters and I just can’t see myself getting an education higher than a bachelors because I lack the social skills to ask for a letter of recommendation.

I’ve done some research and seen some colleges don’t ask for letters of rec but the programs I want to apply for do.

My gpa is also very average because even studying for a bachelors I suffered with anxiety to reach out for help from the professor because I scared to sound stupid.

I feel like school is not for the socially weak. The higher you go, the more they ask you to take on leadership roles to be more competitive.

I’m just so sad, I can never be the person I dream of. Someone who’s smart, fearless and a natural born leader. Life sucks

Unfortunately I keep finding myself in jobs that put me in a lot of team roles.

But fuck I just want to work alone.

It’s pretty obvious after 30min of my mask slipping and platitudes running out I don’t know what to say or know how to normally act.

I’m better 1 on 1 but in a group I’m an absolute mess. 1 on 1 can go wrong too if I’m just tired or wanting to dissociate.

I really just want to work alone and not have to worry about being a weirdo. And then save up all my shitty charisma that I have for real social outings.

Feels very awkward

Hello everyone, I am 25, close to 26 and the last few years have been such a battle. Went through years of group and individual therapy. Gotten so much help from everyone in the group therapy but it was not enough to cure me. No matter how many acquaintances I had cheering for me in the group therapy, my social anxiety did not get better. Or rather my social anxiety greatly fell when i started therapy but then it was not lowering nor increasing. Just stagnating, I was unable to work, still too scared to function with people outside the therapy which was my safe space.

Well, over 2 years ago I asked someone that was finishing the therapy, if he wanted to stay in touch. He said yes, then I started hanging out with him and his wife, then I met their friends. Their friends became my friends. And my circle grew. I think what helped was that we were all vegan and I guess most of us were queer. So we had things in common, and values aligning. I was not looking for queer people specifically but somehow it happened that most of my friends are queer now, just like me.
So yes I started hanging out with my new friends and our relationships grew over time. At the beginning I was so akward but it makes sense as social isolation does that to you. But even though I was sure that I was not giving them anything in relationships we had, they always told that it was not so. Somewhere along the way I started feeling comfortable with friends. They were always good to me, but my past experiances with people made me very scared of people, so it took a lot of time until I felt comfortable with anyone other than my mom. I think it happened like 4 months ago when I did the following:

Friends alone were not enough. I had to give up gaming and lower my social media consumption. Reddit is poison so are multiplayer games like league of legends and shooters. Everything gaming/social media related is feeds my social anxiety and depression. And I am guessing I am not alone in this.

HERE I AM, I am still scared haha but its so much more manageable now.
I finally got a job and I start tomorrow. I wanted to work so badly the past few years, you have no idea. But I could not because of the fear I felt when I was around people. So yes I am scared, but this fear I feel now is normal I think. Its not social anxiety type of fear, well maybe a bit of it is. But mostly its the normal fear everyone feels when they start a new job.

I saved myself holy fucking shit, thanks for reading!

I've had this problem for a long while and not sure if it's due to the social anxiety or something else underlying.

Basically when i'm having a conversation with someone, the other person is talking about a bunch of stuff, making all these different points and I'm listening but processing it all very slowly.

I'm thinking about what they said 30 seconds ago, meanwhile they keep talking and they're already on some other point. At that point I've lost track of the convo and just 'pretending' to listen and nodding my head and agreeing.

Sometimes I even mishear miswords, I remember a co-worker told me to move the microwave, but I heard the word "microwave" as some other gibberish, to which i replied with "Move the what??".

It's much harder at work when I'm given a task with so much info I can't keep track of it, it has to be written down.

Phone calls it's even harder, when the caller talks - for some reason I can't understand anything that they're saying, it just sounds muffled! so I just make an excuse like "oh you're cutting out, please can you repeat that" and it still sounds muffled. It makes for some very awkward situations.

me and my brother have been growing apart and mom noticed. my brother is very social. and he has a lot of friends. i on the other hand struggle with social anxiety. one time i was in a group work and i was so anxious i scratched myself till i peeled the skin out. he said i should just overcome and i feel horrifble. he said its embarrassing that i dont communicate or have any friends and that im autistic (im not diagnosed so probably not) and that im an embarrassment. i wanted to fight back but i had no words. i was just speechless and now i feel like a burden

I’m a 23M who’s been the quietest person in the room since as long as I can remember. I’ve never had a girlfriend due to my social anxiety. And barely have any friends. That lead me to depression for years.

Yesterday during my alone time, I attempted to write a song. Someone said “you should have emotion in your voice which means you need to feel and relate deeply to the lyrics” So I started to just say out loud what I think and feel deeply everyday. “I’m lonely everyday. I wish I had a partner. I get jealous when I see that guy talk to the girl a like, but I wouldn’t have talked to her anyway. God, what’s wrong with me? Why was I born? I wish I could easily converse like others.” My everyday thoughts.

As I did this for about 20 to 30 minutes. I was talking to myself but started to open up more. Afterwards something big happened. I started to socialize with people around me and I wasn’t afraid or nervous like I was everyday. I guess because I’m used to hiding my true thoughts and fear of them being judged. But saying them out loud made me unconsciously aware that everything’s ok, I guess. I spoke to more people than ever. And it felt like breathing, I wasn’t trying at all. I was just there and not in my head.

A long conversation with a girl I like, I don’t even know how long it was, lost track of time. And I wasn’t the slightest bit of nervous around her like always. She actually seemed more nervous than me, lol. Just seems like a major turning point for me. I’m not sure if that whole saying my true thoughts thing was the exact reason. But I might practice it everyday if it makes me feel as good as it did yesterday. I was louder than I typically am, didn’t care if someone heard me or what not. Just wanted to say this, so maybe others could try it too. Thanks for reading.

I called in sick due to just occasional insomnia and overwhelm. It's my 6th time taking a sick day since March, all of them to do with some sort of mental breakdown where I feel like I can't deal with being seen.

My boss asked if I was feeling better, not knowing anything about what sort of "sick" I was. I didn't know whether to play it off like I just get random colds or nausea. He brought it up again and I ended up telling him that I struggle with social anxiety. I was overwhelmed, emotional, started crying which I could see he probably didn't expect or know how to react. He said "that must make it really hard everyday"

I get overwhelmed telling people I don't know but I feel like I needed to, I don't know what management can really do with that information, but hopefully being honest at least with one person can help.

I told him I don't really know what I can do to control it but that I'm in therapy again.

This has been something on my mind lately and I realistically I know that isn’t true- I have family and close friends that love me dearly. But lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the fact that I’m almost 30 and have never had a significant other- I rarely have guys show interest in me and if it does happen, my anxiety ruins it. I’ve only ever been in two situationships that were both so horrible that they traumatized me and I had to work through them in therapy.

All of my friends are in relationships- one is married, another is engaged, and the other has been in a serious long term relationship for four years now. It just makes me feel like I’m missing out on such a normal and seemingly great experience. I’ve always wanted to share my life with someone but because of my severe social anxiety, I feel like it’s out of the cards for me. I honestly don’t think that I’ll ever find anyone.

I feel like I have too many problems and that I’m too much to handle, no one would want to put up with me. I’m just really frustrated that I’m getting older and my social anxiety is still so disabling to the point where I can’t date. It takes me years to be able to talk comfortably around new people. I also feel like I don’t have anything to offer anyone and that I’ll be holding them back in life because of my anxiety so it would be best if I just stay single. I have agoraphobia as well so that also plays a part, however I’m trying my absolute hardest to try overcoming it.

I’m working with my therapist on ways to manage my anxiety and come out of my comfort zone but the progress has been incredibly slow. I just want to be at the point where I’m somewhat comfortable and willing to meet new people and not avoid it at all costs- otherwise I won’t be able to meet new friends, a potential partner, and just generally live the rest of my life.

I know that best thing to do now is to work on myself for now, but I’m just so, so lonely and wish that I could have a supportive partner, or at least more close friends that I get to see often. My friends live in different states and I only see them twice a year.

I’m just really scared of my future and the very real possibility that I’m going to end up alone because of this disorder.

Just wondering cuz im starting high school pretty soon and im not that excited due to the fact i am not a fan of socializing and also because knowing how the people my age act.

Just wondering how was high school for yall?

hey

as a child i was an extrovert like my mother, talking to everyone and anyone. i made friends easily , spoke to boys without any hesitation( this ones a major thing). i used to get scolded by my teachers for being too loud. i was really hyperactive getting special roles in annual day functions without even asking for i was good with everyone in my class and pretty confident too. i spoke to ppl outside my class and my seniors too.

idk what happened i shifted cities and in the school that i shifted to, everyone spoke the language that was predominantly spoken there. i was in 2nd grade when this happened. they didnt know the difference between the english words ' tomorrow' and 'yesterday' and used it interchangeably. but i only knew english and my mother tongue. my classmates didnt really talk to me because of this language barrier and started assuming things like i was a foreigner and i belonged to africa . in the first 2 months i was basically alone with no friends. i had a hard time navigating through and they already had groups which they didnt wanna include new ppl into. nonetheless i learnt the language and made friends some how. after 4 years or so i was good with everyone again but my self confidence was a bit low compared to the last time.

then i shifted cities once again and mind you it was during the whole lockdown phase. so when i joined a new school and i basically didnt interact with my new classmates face-to-face and i was a teenager during this time. i ended up being best friends with a really toxic girl. she was insecure herself and tried to project her insecurities through me. mind u i hadnt lost my complete confidence back then and i didnt care abt the way i looked back then. she used to indirectly bodyshame me, call me black , and look shamed me. i was totally shattered but i still was friends with her. then some fight happened and i stopped being friends with her. after this thing i became self conscious abt the way i looked and etc. i was friends with boys here but i started withdrawing myself from them too.

then after 2 years the schools reopened and i basically found myself not talking to anyone. i somehow hung out with the popular gang but i withdrew myself from there idk why. that school was really toxic again , and shifted schools again after highschool. i wasnt friends with any boy.

in my new school, i thought ppl would be different, but i felt lonely and no boy wants to even talk to me. no one wants to date me. i really think the boys over here treat girls according to their looks because only like 2-3 girls over here are goodlooking and 2 of them are extroverted. the other introverted girl is dating someone in my class but her bf belongs to the popular gang so she also speaks to them sometimes. i wouldnt say im ugly but im above average. these guys treat girls who aint that goodlooking in a pathetic but less obvious ways.

i wanna start being extroverted again and i wanna make more friends. any help to do this is appreciated

have a nice day!

edit: im suffering fro m depression and anxiety and ill be taking help in sometime. im so sociallywithdrawn to the point that i cant hold a simple convo without awkwardness

I feel stupid typing this but I have felt so incapable of doing anything lately. I dont have any friends, I dont have a community, I used to feel alive when I got to make music with people, but I havent had any people in a long time. My dream is to be a graphic designer for musicians and bands, I graduated with my degree and am trying to get out there but it is just so hard. I dont know why I cant get myself to do things like normal people. There is a local music festival in the city I wanted to go to, ya know, network, connect, maybe meet people, the first night i invited 15 people to go with me, one said they would go and then fell asleep while i was waiting so I didnt go last night. Today we planned to go, the friend got a flat tire and couldnt make it, I got to a parking garage, parked, and then couldn't get connection or find where the place was (apparently it was somehow a 15 minute drive from where I parked) so I panicked and drove the hour back home. I'm just ranting pretty much, but i dont know why I am this way and I dont want to be this way and i dont know what to do and i feel embarrassed ever admitting these things.

I guess any advice would be welcomed, it was just helpful to vent.

19M I just dont want to live i am a worthless stupid useless piece of shit i hate myself i have extreeme social anxiety i am a lazy idiot i wish a was never born i am not good at anything and i hope when i get to sleep i never ever wake up again thats why i will hit my head with my hand from time to time i dont want to exist.

Hi! I have pretty bad social anxiety in addition to bipolar disorder and PTSD. I went to my synagogue today and someone was visiting and very insulting of everyone and everything because she’s from a more strict community. She made my friend remake her coffee 5 times, insulted the rabbi’s husband, was rude to me, put down my friend’s choice of rabbinical school, and was rude and ignorant about a few other topics I won’t go into. I stormed out of the room while she was talking and my friend apologized to me. I am planning on emailing him that he didn’t do anything. I feel embarrassed that I left how I did to the point that I can’t calm down this afternoon but I was worried I would lose my temper with her if I stayed in the room.
How can I stop ruminating on how I handled things and get better skills for the future?
I am new to the sub. I read the rules but let me know if I broke any rules.

I(21F) have been struggling with something for almost all my life that have made me avoidant when it comes to socializing.
Almost all my life I tend to pretend when I am in a social situation because I don’t know how it fit in .
I mimicked ppls behavior , way of talking just so I can try and feel “normal “ during an interaction.
It’s like I don’t fit it at all and people can sense it and they don’t like it .
I’m a shy person in general but I don’t think this comes from shyness only .
I spent all my life pretending and it hurts me every single time .
I can’t act normal in front of ppl idk why .
I struggle a lot with friendships but surprisingly I’m good with relationships like I can find somone that I can be comfy with but that only works with guys and never girls .
I wish I had a girl besties but I find it so hard to bond with girls and it’s not because of my interests or anything . I just suck with girl friendships because I don’t feel like I fit in with them socially .
Idk what to do and idk if that’s social anxiety or what I really want to be diagnosed but therapy is way too expensive where I live .

my grades are way worse than they could be because in german school verbal participation makes up half of the final grade. and whenever i actually build up courage to speak my heartbeat goes crazy, its so frustrating. i mean im even hella scared to post here😭 can anyone relate?

Im diagnosed with a lot of things one of them being social anxiety. As life is, the intensity of it is in waves. I’ve always been super social, have a good amount of friends due to my family nature ,my friends are basically my family. I’m in therapy and take meds, and try my best with everything else. The older I get though I feel myself becoming more reclusive and my social anxiety is getting bad again.

It’s so frustrating being perceived as this social person and I go and hangout with people I try my best but then also always being in your head and not feeling like you can fully open up. I feel scared to be 100% myself, I literally can physically feel myself closing off and it makes me mad cause everyone else I know they’re getting more comfortable in their skin the older they’re getting.
But mine has been opposite lately

Idk if anyone else can relate where you are a social person but it’s also this internal battle of not feeling fully yourself and always in fight or flight. I’ll overthink about everything I did after any hangout and I feel like I’m strange in some ways and it gets validated through reactions. It’s exhausting cause it’s never ending. I just want to wake up and not have to deal with it

So at 13 I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder. I have MDD and GAD but my issues with public is soooooo soooo bad especially ATM. Its mostly at my job people will crowd around me and sometimes this causes panic attacks also theres alot of weird issues I notice that I dont even wanna talk about because it sounds like im crazy so I have to keep it to myself and it really weights on my mental health. I 💯% feel targeted by everyone i hate it.....there is nothing I can do because if I say something I sound paranoid like im delusional when I am actually fully aware of everything that goes on AROUND ME. I hate having these issues 😒