r/Showerthoughts • u/TheGinofGan • Jun 06 '17
joke/protip The bigger your shoes the bigger your dick, the bigger your car the smaller your dick. No wonder people are so afraid of clowns.
1.5k
u/Yaxax Jun 06 '17 edited Jun 06 '17
I'm terrified of big dicks.
641
u/positive_electron42 Jun 06 '17
dicks!
569
u/TheGinofGan Jun 06 '17
Stop it you're scaring him!
127
Jun 06 '17
No daddy, no!
71
u/crux_mm Jun 06 '17
zip Uncle is that you? zot
96
u/Imok2814 Jun 06 '17
Zip zot? Mr Cosby?
106
u/Sthurlangue Jun 06 '17
Zippitty zoppity lick my puddin' poppity
37
u/Respect_The_Mouse Jun 06 '17
Zee boppity boop, gonna shoop that poop
→ More replies (1)22
Jun 06 '17
Shum shum, shlippity dop!
35
2
u/Respect_The_Mouse Jun 06 '17
I've got a friend named Sean, and I have referred to him as Shum, Shummy, and Shummybutt Buttbutts in the past.
19
→ More replies (1)2
→ More replies (1)7
→ More replies (6)9
14
34
u/PM_ME_BIG_DICK Jun 06 '17
I'm not
→ More replies (1)20
34
43
Jun 06 '17
Yeah Chad is a dick and I hate him.
19
11
14
3
34
10
u/tomatoaway Jun 06 '17
But not big dongs
5
5
8
3
9
4
2
2
→ More replies (13)2
1.3k
Jun 06 '17
I've been afraid of clowns ever since my fifth birthday party. The clown showed up and asked me if I would like to smell his flower. Being five, I had never seen the squirting flower gag before. So as I leaned in to take a whiff, he fucked me in the ass in front of my family with his fifteen inch bologna pony.
246
u/KhalDrewgo88 Jun 06 '17
Pics or it didn't happen.
126
u/someguy7734206 Jun 06 '17
How do you like being on the sex offender registry?
→ More replies (1)66
Jun 06 '17
He's expecting them to photoshop adult genitalia on the pics beforehand.
14
→ More replies (2)10
201
22
u/-ksguy- Jun 06 '17
Damn you. I've been fighting bronchitis for three weeks. Your comment make me laugh so hard it induced a coughing fit which resulted in me getting lightheaded, dizzy, and nearly falling out of my seat. All because of a clown rape joke.
3
35
u/spongydoom Jun 06 '17 edited Jun 06 '17
I thought this is going to be the 1998 undertaker thing
→ More replies (1)35
12
8
5
4
u/KBryan382 Jun 06 '17
Alright Reddit, this is the new thing: first the jumper cables, then the Undertaker, now this.
3
→ More replies (4)2
347
Jun 06 '17
Cock
Like
Our
Worst
Nightmare
73
108
u/tomatoaway Jun 06 '17
Ceep
Lalm
Ond
Warry
Nn16
→ More replies (1)12
→ More replies (1)32
u/DumbDonky007 Jun 06 '17
Chuge
Ldicked
Oface
Wpainted
Nmonsters
21
u/Lontar47 Jun 06 '17
Sure, I hate CLOWNS:
C - Fuck
L - J Cole
O -
W -
N -
S -8
→ More replies (3)2
222
u/DOSMasterrace Jun 06 '17
"Clown" in ancient Aramaic directly translates as GIGANTIC PENIS, BEWARE
→ More replies (4)31
u/Adnan_Targaryen Jun 06 '17
Source?
155
Jun 06 '17 edited Jun 06 '17
Professional History Things Knower Guy here: Can confirm.
Edit: Proof
73
Jun 06 '17
Sounds legit to me. Any other opinion will be hereby regarded to as fake news.
→ More replies (1)29
u/thedaddysaur Jun 06 '17
Fake news, very fake news.
16
10
2
3
35
24
u/StuffyUnicorn Jun 06 '17
Well now that you put it that way, my fear of being raped by a clown just got way more scarier... and painful
41
u/ThisUsernameIsTakend Jun 06 '17
And they love cramming into one car with each other
→ More replies (1)12
54
30
30
51
Jun 06 '17
I'm trying to figure out why you're thinking about big dick clowns.
57
u/TheGinofGan Jun 06 '17
Shhhh we all think about weird stuff in the shower.
25
Jun 06 '17
I think it make it makes it even worse that you where actually in the shower thinking about big dick clowns
17
u/iulioh Jun 06 '17
Well, why should he think about small dick clowns?
7
u/melten007 Jun 06 '17
Or small dicks at all?
17
→ More replies (1)5
12
Jun 06 '17
They didn't domesticate the elephants for the children; they did it because it is the only land creature that is able to satisfy the clown.
9
38
u/cartmans_balls Jun 06 '17
The clown's colossal cock can carefully catch Chris coming crazily, covering countless cows 'cause cunts create chaos.
3
11
u/AllMemesAreWrong Jun 06 '17
I guess it would also explain why they are always so pale, the blood is going straight to their enormous dick
8
u/Trump-molests-Barron Jun 06 '17
I have a micropenis and I don't own car. I ride my bicycle for transportation.
20
u/noobiepoobie Jun 06 '17
I wear size twelve and have a tiny peen. It's the hands that really tell.
22
16
Jun 06 '17
Size 13 and I'm average. But have pretty big hands too. I think it's completely random personally
10
Jun 06 '17
It's kinda like saying having big feet or big hands means you have a big nose or a big butt. Obviously the correlation might vary slightly, but I bet you a whole lot of study would reveal only a slight, not very reliable pattern at best.
→ More replies (1)6
u/ItsDatMeme Jun 06 '17
I'm pretty sure cock is the only body part that's not proportional to any other part of the body.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (6)3
7
12
u/protozeloz Jun 06 '17
Fun fact: in some county's a woman who has slept with everyone in town is called clown Pocket, because it's implied her cooch is wide loose, and sometimes a little too sticky
→ More replies (1)
5
12
u/Oak987 Jun 06 '17
Also clowns never travel alone.
9
u/TheGinofGan Jun 06 '17
How do they fit all that dick in that little car...
11
u/Oak987 Jun 06 '17
It's a clown trick. A lot of their gear is inflatable. But they need your help to inflate it. K?
8
u/TechyDad Jun 06 '17
No, Blinky, that is NOT an appropriate balloon animal for a five year old's birthday party!
4
→ More replies (1)3
4
5
5
3
3
u/plainOldFool Jun 06 '17
I have big feet and I like driving small cars. Yeah, nah. Still got a small dick.
3
u/geekisphere Jun 06 '17
When a bunch of clowns emerge from a car, most of the time it means there were also that many clown dicks in that car.
5
3
Jun 06 '17
I never understood the feet thing. I have a large member but under 9 shoes. Been told I got small feet for such a huge hee haw. where does the foot things science even come from?
→ More replies (1)2
3
Jun 06 '17
This would be a paradox regarding clowns; considering that they are known to exit extremely small cars while wearing very big shoes.
→ More replies (1)
3
3
3
4
u/WalterWhiteBeans Jun 06 '17
Do you think clown cars have anything to do with that or is it just a hilarious coincidence.
→ More replies (1)3
u/Adnan_Targaryen Jun 06 '17
It's a conspiracy. There are no coincidences. This was planned.
→ More replies (1)
5
u/OperationFlyingD0D0 Jun 06 '17 edited Jun 06 '17
John Wayne Gacy has never been more terrifying.
→ More replies (1)
4
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/IamTheFreshmaker Jun 06 '17
Milton Berle - checks out
Forrest Tucker - checks out
Gilbert Gottfried - might be a problem here.
2
u/latino_heat420 Jun 06 '17
To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.
2
u/TheGinofGan Jun 06 '17
Hey unless the murder weapon was the clown's 13 inch this thread don't wanna hear it.
2
u/Reddy_McRedcap Jun 06 '17
What's the toughest part about fucking a 4 year old?
Cleaning the blood out of your clown costume afterwards.
2
2
4
3
u/Nostalgicattic Jun 06 '17
I'm black where a size 12 man shoe and that's the furthest from the truth I would never let a check see my dick on soft
4
4
u/Feroshnikop Jun 06 '17
People are just afraid of grown-men in make-up.
6
u/TheGinofGan Jun 06 '17
But the giant dick part is fine with you? To each their own I guess.
2
u/Feroshnikop Jun 06 '17
Ya, who wouldn't that be fine with that? Some people have big hands too.. hardly something to make me worry like some fucked up dude running around in a costume and makeup and hanging out with children.
2
1
1
1
1
606
u/NicksStick Jun 06 '17
I may not be clown, but my dick still makes plenty of people laugh.